First Reformed (2017)

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INDOXXI
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[birds calling in distance]

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[man] I have decided to keep a journal.

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Not in a word program or digital file

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but in longhand,

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writing every word out

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so that every inflection of penmanship,

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every word chosen, scratched out,
revised, is recorded.

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To set down all my thoughts
and the simple events

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of my day factually
and without hiding anything.

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When writing about oneself,
one should show no mercy.

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I will keep this diary
for one year, 12 months

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and at the end of that time,
it will be destroyed.

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Shredded, then burnt.
The experiment will be over.

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Please rise.

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What is thy only comfort
in life and death?

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[all] That I, with body and soul

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both in life and death, am not my own

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but belong unto
my faithful Savior, Jesus Christ.

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Who with his precious blood...

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[man] These thoughts and recollections
are not so different from those I confide

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to God every morning.

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When it is possible.

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When he is listening.

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Bread of life. The cup of salvation.

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The bread of life. The cup of salvation.

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The bread of life. The cup of salvation.

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[man] This journal is a form of speaking--

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of communication from one to the other.

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A communication
which can be achieved simply

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and in repose without
prostration or abnegation.

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It is a form of prayer.

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Bread of life. The cup of salvation.

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[man] There is a leak
in the men's restroom.

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[reverend] No, I fixed it.

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No. I was just there. It's still leaking.

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Same place. Under the hot faucet.

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-[reverend] What about the women's room?
- The women's is fine.

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Do you want me to call
the plumber from Abundant Life?

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No, let me have another crack at it.

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I hate always bugging them
for extra little costs.

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They don't mind.
That's what they're there for.

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- And you're totally within your budget.
- Still, I don't want to.

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Have you posted the sermon?

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- Yes. I did it this morning.
-[knocking on door]

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_Qh__
- Reverend?

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Yes, Mary, right?

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- Mary Mensana.
- Yeah, nice to see you again.

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I wanted to talk, if that's okay.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on in, Mary.

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- I'll be right back.
- Mary, how can I help you?

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I was wondering if you would talk

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-to my husband, Michael.
- Oh, sure. I--

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Actually, not now.
He has to-- he has to go to work.

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He has to fill in at Home Depot.

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Mary?

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- What is it?
- I'm worried about him.

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He's involved
in the Green Planet movement.

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- It's an activist group.
- Mm-hmm.

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And he was in jail in Canada.

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And he just got out two weeks ago.

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He just sits around at home.
He doesn't-- he doesn't go out.

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I got him to fill out a temp form
for Home-- for Home Depot.

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- Okay.
- So that's good.

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Are you sure you don't want
to go to Abundant Life?

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They have a whole team
of counselors over there,

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-who are trained and--
- I know, but he doesn't want to.

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He thinks it's more
of a company than a church.

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And so, he said he would talk to you.

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Uh, all right.

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Tomorrow?

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- After lunch?
- Great. Great.

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I'll just need
the-- I just need an address.

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And can you tell me a little more?

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Oh, he applied for compassionate release
when he found out.

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He was at Fort Providence.
They let him out early.

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- Wait, now, found out what?
- That I was pregnant.

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Oh. Hmm, congratulations.

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Thanks.

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He thinks it's wrong to bring
a child into this world.

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He wants to kill our baby.

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[reverend] I assisted Sunday
the youth group at Abundant Life.

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The young people were
so excited, so full of life.

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They were open. They welcomed communion.

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[reverend] Maybe I shouldn't care about
whether people like me.

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Did Jesus worry about being liked?

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I look at the last lines
I wrote with disdain.

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Twelve months.

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Can I keep up an exercise that long?

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[sighs]

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[reverend] When I read these words,
I see not truth, but pride.

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I wish I had not used the word pride.

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But I cannot cross it out.

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If only I could pray.

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[car approaching]

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[coughs]

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[sniffs, groans]

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[knocking on door]

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Hi, Reverend.

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- Hi. ls Michael home?
- Yeah. Come on in.

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Okay. Yeah.

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-[Michael] Hey. Good to see you.
- Nice to see you.

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[Mary] Um, would you like some coffee?

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- Yes, but, um--
- We're-- I think we have some tea.

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Yes. That would be better.

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- Okay.
- Thanks.

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[Michael] Let me take your coat?

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No, it's okay. I got it.

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Come on in.

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- Yeah, I don't know why Mary--
- There's no need to apologize.

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No, she told me
that you've been up in Canada.

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Yeah. Fort Providence.

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It's in the Mackenzie Delta.
It's way in the north.

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Yeah, beautiful country, I imagine.

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Yeah, it is.

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Mary said things have been
getting you down'?

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Uh, yeah, things.
Yeah, you could say that. Yeah.

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Oh! Thank you very much.

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- It's hot.
- Perfect.

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Thank you.

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- So Mary is pregnant.
- Hmm.

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- Yeah. How far along is she?
- Twenty weeks.

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- Congratulations.
- Thanks.

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Hey, how old are you, Reverend?

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I'm 46.

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Uh, 33.

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That's how Old our Child will be in 2050.

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Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

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You know, that's
two years older than I am right now.

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Mm-hmm.

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- You'll be 81.
- Yeah!

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Hey, you know what the world
will be like in 2050?

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- Hmm. Hard to imagine.
- Yeah, you think?

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I mean, Reverend,
the world is changing so fast.

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And right in front of us.

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I mean, one-third of the natural world
has been destroyed in your lifetime.

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You know, the earth's temperature
will be three degrees centigrade higher.

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Four is the threshold.

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You know, "Severe, widespread,
and irreversible impacts."

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And when scientists say
stuff like that, you know?

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And National Center
for Atmospheric Research...

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Lawrence Livermore,
Potsdam Institute. Reverend...

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[reverend] He went on like that
for some time.

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By 2050, sea levels two feet
higher on the East Coast.

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Low lying areas
underwater across the world.

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Bangladesh, 20% loss of landmass.

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Central Africa, 50% reduction
in crops due to drought.

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The Western reservoirs dried up.

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Climate change. Refugees.
Epidemics. Extreme weather.

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You know, the...

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the bad times, they will begin,

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and from that point,
everything moves very quickly.

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You know, this social structure
can't bear the stress of multiple crises.

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Opportunistic diseases, anarchy,
martial law, the tipping point.

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And this isn't in some,
like, distant future.

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You will live to see this.

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You know, my children
will experience this un-livability.

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This, uh...

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Yeah, I'm sorry. I just-- you know, I...

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I thought things could change, you know?

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I thought-- I thought people would listen.

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Do you have thoughts of harming yourself?

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No.

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Why? Did Mary say something like that?

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No, no.

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No, I'm not worried for myself.

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I just-- this world
is gonna be what it is.

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- But can I ask you a question, Reverend?
- Mm-hmm.

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How do you sanction
bringing in a little girl--

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Uh, for argument's sake,
let's just say that, uh...

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Mary and I's child, it's a little girl.

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You know,
a child that's so full of hope...

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and naive beliefs into a world
where that little girl, uh...

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she grows up to be a young woman
and she looks you in the eyes

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and she says that you knew
this all along, didn't you?

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You see, that...

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I mean, what are you supposed to say then?

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There's something growing inside Mary.

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Something as alive as a tree, surely.

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As an endangered species.

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Something full of the beauty
and mystery of nature.

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You said sanction, hmm?

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You think Mary should have an abortion?

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This birth, is that your right?

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Is that your decision?

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Have you asked Mary what she thinks?

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Look, this isn't--
it's not about your baby.

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It's not about Mary.

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It's about you...

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and your despair. Your lack of hope.

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Look, people have throughout history

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have woken up in the dead of the night
confronted by blackness.

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The sense that our lives
are without meaning.

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The Sickness Unto Death.

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Yeah, but this is something different.

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Yeah, no, man's great achievements

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have brought him to the place
where life as we know it

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may cease in the foreseeable future.

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Yes, that's new.

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But the blackness?

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That's not.

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We're scientific people.
We want to solve things.

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We want rational answers.

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Right? And if humankind can't overcome

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its immediate interests enough to ensure
its own survival, then you're right.

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The only rational response is despair.

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But do you think that
there's any existence apart from this?

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This here, right now?

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- Yes.
- Yeah, right, before us.

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- After us.
- Yeah.

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- Yeah,
- Wait, so you're talking about

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the next lifetime? Huh?

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You really-- you just, uh...

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[reverend] I felt like I was Jacob
wrestling all night long with the angel.

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Fighting in the grasp.

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Every sentence, every question,
every response, a mortal struggle.

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It was exhilarating.

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[Michael]
You believe in martyrdom, Reverend?

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I'm not sure I know what you mean.

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You know, the Saints of God?

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The early Christians
who wouldn't renounce their faith?

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The missionaries who were attacked
in the fields of the Lord.

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Do you believe
that they died for a purpose?

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- I do.
- Well, every week,

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activists are killed
trying to protect the environment.

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A hundred and seventeen were
killed last year for their beliefs.

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I mean, right there.

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This is José Cléudio Ribeiro da Silva.

228
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Huh? And that's his wife, Maria.

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Uh... they were-- they were gunned down
in 2011 in the Amazon.

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You know, they were protesting
free cutting of the rain forest.

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[sighs]

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Hey, this is Dorothy Stang, 2005.

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She was a nun from Ohio.

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And what was the purpose of their death?

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You know, in 2010, the IPCC predicted

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that if drastic action
wasn't taken by 2015,

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environmental collapse
would be irreversible.

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And nothing was done.

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And now it's 2017.

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[reverend] You said you respected me.
What I've been through.

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- Yes.
- So you know my story, hmm?

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- Yeah, you were a chaplain.
- Uh-huh.

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My father taught at VMI.
I encouraged my son to enlist.

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It was the family tradition.

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Like his father, my father before me, hmm.

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A patriotic tradition.

247
00:18:33,654 --> 00:18:36,828
My wife... was very opposed.

248
00:18:37,867 --> 00:18:39,289
My son enlisted anyway.

249
00:18:39,785 --> 00:18:42,834
And six months later, he was dead in Iraq.

250
00:18:43,247 --> 00:18:49,550
Right? I talked my son into a war
that had no moral justification.

251
00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:53,971
My wife could no longer live with me.

252
00:18:55,009 --> 00:18:56,101
I left the military.

253
00:18:57,887 --> 00:18:58,809
I was lost.

254
00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:04,026
And Reverend Jeffers from Abundant Life,

255
00:19:04,101 --> 00:19:08,026
he gave me this position
at First Reformed and here I am.

256
00:19:08,105 --> 00:19:10,528
And Michael, I can promise you...

257
00:19:11,942 --> 00:19:16,948
that whatever despair you feel
about bringing a child into this world

258
00:19:17,531 --> 00:19:21,832
cannot equal the despair
of taking a child from it.

259
00:19:34,215 --> 00:19:36,058
Hey, what was his name?

260
00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:38,181
Your son?

261
00:19:40,721 --> 00:19:41,643
Joseph.

262
00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:44,650
The boy thrown down the well.

263
00:19:44,725 --> 00:19:46,648
- Yeah, I remember.
- Mm-hmm.

264
00:19:46,727 --> 00:19:49,355
- The dreamer.
- The dreamer, yeah. Yeah.

265
00:19:54,318 --> 00:19:55,991
And you were able to just go on?

266
00:19:57,154 --> 00:20:01,000
Courage... is the solution to despair.

267
00:20:01,325 --> 00:20:05,046
Reason... provides no answers.

268
00:20:07,164 --> 00:20:09,087
I can't know what the future will bring.

269
00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:11,919
We have to choose despite uncertainty.

270
00:20:13,170 --> 00:20:19,894
Wisdom is holding two contradictory truths
in our mind, simultaneously.

271
00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:22,896
Hope and despair.

272
00:20:22,972 --> 00:20:25,191
A life without despair
is a life without hope.

273
00:20:25,266 --> 00:20:28,941
Holding these two ideas
in our head is life itself.

274
00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:45,753
Are you a drinking man, Reverend?

275
00:20:46,996 --> 00:20:49,966
- It doesn't help.
- No, I suppose not.

276
00:20:57,882 --> 00:20:59,054
Can God forgive us?

277
00:21:04,013 --> 00:21:05,765
For what we've done to this world'?

278
00:21:08,225 --> 00:21:09,226
[quietly] I don't know.

279
00:21:11,937 --> 00:21:13,405
Who can know the mind of God?

280
00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:16,867
But we can choose...

281
00:21:19,695 --> 00:21:20,742
a righteous life.

282
00:21:22,072 --> 00:21:23,073
Belief.

283
00:21:24,158 --> 00:21:25,330
Forgiveness.

284
00:21:27,495 --> 00:21:29,873
Grace covers us all.

285
00:21:32,750 --> 00:21:33,842
I believe that.

286
00:21:42,802 --> 00:21:44,520
Let's meet again.

287
00:21:44,970 --> 00:21:45,892
Want to?

288
00:21:46,555 --> 00:21:48,432
Tomorrow after lunch, same time.

289
00:21:49,433 --> 00:21:51,356
Okay, yeah. It's a-- it's a plan.

290
00:21:55,314 --> 00:21:58,443
[reverend] I went over everything
that was said, what should have been said,

291
00:21:58,526 --> 00:22:00,324
what could have been said differently,

292
00:22:00,402 --> 00:22:01,779
what could have been said better.

293
00:22:03,781 --> 00:22:07,331
"I know that nothing can change
and I know there is no hope."

294
00:22:08,911 --> 00:22:10,208
Thomas Merton wrote this.

295
00:22:13,457 --> 00:22:16,336
"Despair is a development
of pride so great

296
00:22:16,418 --> 00:22:18,466
that it chooses one's certitude

297
00:22:18,546 --> 00:22:22,016
rather than admit God
is more creative than we are."

298
00:22:23,551 --> 00:22:25,474
Perhaps it's better
I didn't say that to him.

299
00:22:32,268 --> 00:22:34,270
[groaning]

300
00:22:52,663 --> 00:22:54,711
-[sighs]
-[toilet flushes]

301
00:23:04,174 --> 00:23:05,972
[reverend] Who am I to talk about pride?

302
00:23:11,223 --> 00:23:12,145
[sniffs]

303
00:23:26,155 --> 00:23:30,581
[reverend] Well, to begin,
the church was constructed in 1767

304
00:23:30,659 --> 00:23:32,536
in a style we now call Dutch colonial.

305
00:23:33,078 --> 00:23:36,753
It was made by settlers-- follow me--
using local timber.

306
00:23:37,249 --> 00:23:39,798
First Reformed took seven years to build.

307
00:23:40,628 --> 00:23:41,550
The Vei Plancks.

308
00:23:42,129 --> 00:23:44,928
Effie here, her tombstone
dates back to 1787.

309
00:23:45,424 --> 00:23:49,600
The church was partially rebuilt
in 1837 following a fire.

310
00:23:50,304 --> 00:23:52,853
This section remains preserved.

311
00:23:53,474 --> 00:23:57,195
If you look closely behind
the Continental Army flag,

312
00:23:57,269 --> 00:23:59,442
you'll find two bullet holes

313
00:23:59,521 --> 00:24:03,025
from shots fired during
the Skirmish of Snowbridge.

314
00:24:04,193 --> 00:24:07,823
In two months we're celebrating
our 250th anniversary.

315
00:24:08,739 --> 00:24:11,367
Here is an example of some
of the church's chinaware

316
00:24:11,450 --> 00:24:12,872
brought over from the Netherlands.

317
00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:15,458
And the first chalice. It's beautiful.

318
00:24:15,829 --> 00:24:19,254
And here, this is the original key
from the front door before the fire.

319
00:24:19,333 --> 00:24:20,676
-[both chuckling]
-isn't that neat? Yeah.

320
00:24:20,751 --> 00:24:24,301
And in that cabinet we have
souvenirs that are for sale.

321
00:24:24,380 --> 00:24:29,307
We have mugs, caps, postcards,
key chains, pens, t-shirts.

322
00:24:29,385 --> 00:24:30,352
What size are these?

323
00:24:30,427 --> 00:24:31,849
Unfortunately, they are all small.

324
00:24:31,929 --> 00:24:34,603
I have some more on order,
but I'm waiting for them to come in.

325
00:24:34,682 --> 00:24:35,899
The caps are great, though.

326
00:24:37,101 --> 00:24:38,398
It's a one-size-fits-all.

327
00:24:39,144 --> 00:24:40,396
[sighs]

328
00:24:40,479 --> 00:24:44,950
The pulpit was donated in 1879
by William Mercer.

329
00:24:45,025 --> 00:24:47,244
And the church organ,

330
00:24:47,319 --> 00:24:50,038
which unfortunately
isn't working at this time,

331
00:24:51,407 --> 00:24:54,001
was manufactured in England by A.G. Hill.

332
00:24:55,327 --> 00:24:57,830
Did you hear the one about
the choir mistress and the minister?

333
00:24:59,581 --> 00:25:01,003
- No.
- She chased him

334
00:25:01,083 --> 00:25:02,926
around the church
and caught him by the organ.

335
00:25:05,045 --> 00:25:08,925
Huh. Oh, no, I hadn't heard that one.

336
00:25:09,383 --> 00:25:10,760
All right, come on. Follow me.

337
00:25:12,052 --> 00:25:14,100
All right, thank you all very much.

338
00:25:14,930 --> 00:25:16,022
- Be well.
-[woman] Thank you.

339
00:25:16,098 --> 00:25:17,065
[reverend] Yeah, thanks a lot.

340
00:25:21,478 --> 00:25:22,604
Drive safe.

341
00:25:25,774 --> 00:25:26,696
Thanks.

342
00:25:31,822 --> 00:25:33,574
[singing "Are You Washed in the Blood"
by Elisha Hoffman]

343
00:25:33,657 --> 00:25:35,785
♪ Are you washed A'

344
00:25:35,868 --> 00:25:38,417
♪ In the blood? a'

345
00:25:38,495 --> 00:25:43,422
♪ In the soul-cleansing blood
Of the lamb? a'

346
00:25:43,500 --> 00:25:45,969
♪ Are your garments spotless? 4'

347
00:25:46,045 --> 00:25:48,764
♪ Are they white as snow? a'

348
00:25:48,839 --> 00:25:53,436
♪ Are you washed
In the blood of the lamb? x

349
00:25:54,094 --> 00:25:59,100
♪ Are you walking daily
By the Savior's side? 4'

350
00:25:59,183 --> 00:26:03,734
♪ Are you washed
In the blood of the lamb? x

351
00:26:04,229 --> 00:26:09,406
♪ Dc you rest each moment
In the crucified? a'

352
00:26:09,485 --> 00:26:13,581
♪ Are you washed
In the blood of the lamb? x

353
00:26:14,490 --> 00:26:16,788
♪ Are you washed A'

354
00:26:16,867 --> 00:26:19,586
♪ In the blood? a'

355
00:26:19,661 --> 00:26:24,667
♪ In the soul-cleansing blood
Of the lamb? a'

356
00:26:24,750 --> 00:26:27,219
♪ Are your garments spotless? 4'

357
00:26:27,294 --> 00:26:29,968
♪ Are they white as snow? a'

358
00:26:30,047 --> 00:26:34,723
♪ Are you washed
In the blood of the lamb? x

359
00:26:35,219 --> 00:26:37,893
♪ Are your garments spotless? 4'

360
00:26:37,971 --> 00:26:40,770
♪ Are they white as snow? a'

361
00:26:40,849 --> 00:26:45,355
♪ Are you washed
In the blood of the lamb? x

362
00:26:45,938 --> 00:26:48,612
♪ Are your garments spotless? 4'

363
00:26:48,690 --> 00:26:51,569
♪ Are they white as snow? a'

364
00:26:51,944 --> 00:26:58,953
♪ Are you washed
In the blood of the lamb? x

365
00:27:00,202 --> 00:27:01,499
Okay, take five.

366
00:27:06,083 --> 00:27:10,259
- Penny for your thoughts?
- Oh, Joel wanted to talk to me.

367
00:27:10,879 --> 00:27:13,223
- Nothing serious, I hope.
- Oh, I assume not.

368
00:27:14,591 --> 00:27:15,808
You want to have lunch?

369
00:27:16,677 --> 00:27:20,398
Well, I have something after but yeah,
I could sit with you for a second.

370
00:27:23,934 --> 00:27:25,186
[woman] Oh, remember that?

371
00:27:25,686 --> 00:27:26,608
What?

372
00:27:27,437 --> 00:27:29,189
When everything was ahead of you.

373
00:27:30,607 --> 00:27:33,781
Yeah. But try telling them that.

374
00:27:34,653 --> 00:27:35,654
See you then.

375
00:27:40,325 --> 00:27:41,247
[cell phone chimes]

376
00:27:57,092 --> 00:27:58,014
Hello.

377
00:27:58,635 --> 00:27:59,557
- Reverend Toiler.
- Yes.

378
00:27:59,636 --> 00:28:00,558
- Oh, go right in.
- Okay.

379
00:28:00,637 --> 00:28:01,809
He's expecting you.

380
00:28:09,313 --> 00:28:12,408
Um, this is-- that's my wife's stuff, so.

381
00:28:13,567 --> 00:28:15,740
- Go ahead and deal with it.
-[knocking on door]

382
00:28:16,612 --> 00:28:18,660
-[door opens]
- Oh, good! Reverend Toiler.

383
00:28:18,739 --> 00:28:19,661
Come on in.

384
00:28:20,866 --> 00:28:23,619
Roger, make sure you get back to me
as soon as you can on that.

385
00:28:23,702 --> 00:28:24,919
- Hey, Reverend.
- Good seeing you.

386
00:28:24,995 --> 00:28:26,212
Why don't you have a seat there?

387
00:28:27,664 --> 00:28:29,632
Roger, okay to leave that door open.

388
00:28:29,708 --> 00:28:32,131
- Can I get you a water or anything?
- Oh, no, I'm good, I'm good.

389
00:28:32,211 --> 00:28:33,133
[groans]

390
00:28:33,295 --> 00:28:36,515
- So how are things over at First Reformed?
- Oh, busy. You know how it is.

391
00:28:36,590 --> 00:28:39,969
You do one thing to the other,
next thing you know it's Sunday again.

392
00:28:40,219 --> 00:28:41,971
- Yeah, tell me about it.
-[chuckles]

393
00:28:42,054 --> 00:28:43,476
Well, I brought you in,
I wanted to ask you

394
00:28:43,555 --> 00:28:45,933
about the 250th reconsecration.

395
00:28:46,016 --> 00:28:47,893
Now, that's just around the corner.

396
00:28:47,976 --> 00:28:50,445
Yeah, of course.
It's only eight weeks away.

397
00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:52,147
And how's the planning going on that?

398
00:28:52,731 --> 00:28:55,075
Well, your office
is handling the invitations

399
00:28:55,150 --> 00:28:56,652
and I'm a little worried about seating.

400
00:28:56,735 --> 00:28:57,827
I mean, because we have your staff,

401
00:28:57,903 --> 00:28:59,530
we have the elders, we have the deacons.

402
00:28:59,613 --> 00:29:02,833
We have the governor, his people.
The mayor, his people.

403
00:29:02,908 --> 00:29:04,285
We don't have any room for spillover.

404
00:29:04,368 --> 00:29:05,995
You know, it's the sanctuary
and that's it.

405
00:29:06,495 --> 00:29:10,170
You know what, I think we'll simulcast
the ceremony here, in the main room.

406
00:29:10,249 --> 00:29:11,626
- All right.
- So that's 5,000 seats.

407
00:29:11,708 --> 00:29:12,880
Yeah, okay. Well, then--

408
00:29:12,960 --> 00:29:15,008
We can do the reception in the rotunda.

409
00:29:15,629 --> 00:29:18,178
The organ at First Reformed.

410
00:29:18,257 --> 00:29:19,930
- Is that fixed?
- Yeah, no, it's not.

411
00:29:20,884 --> 00:29:23,558
We're waiting on some pieces.

412
00:29:23,637 --> 00:29:25,264
I don't-- it was--
it's just more complicated

413
00:29:25,347 --> 00:29:26,815
than we thought at first.

414
00:29:26,890 --> 00:29:30,019
Well, we can't have a reconsecration
without an organ.

415
00:29:30,102 --> 00:29:31,729
[imitating organ playing]

416
00:29:31,812 --> 00:29:33,906
"A Mighty Fortress is our God."

417
00:29:33,981 --> 00:29:35,779
- That's all organ.
-[both laughing]

418
00:29:35,857 --> 00:29:39,327
Did you know that
Martin Luther wrote that in an outhouse?

419
00:29:39,403 --> 00:29:40,450
[Toiler] Oh, yeah.

420
00:29:40,529 --> 00:29:45,456
[straining] “A Mighty Fortress"...

421
00:29:45,534 --> 00:29:46,330
[both laughing]

422
00:29:46,326 --> 00:29:46,417
[both laughing]

423
00:29:46,410 --> 00:29:47,002
[both laughing]

424
00:29:47,077 --> 00:29:48,875
I think every seminarian knows that one.

425
00:29:48,954 --> 00:29:51,833
Oh, man, I cannot get
that image out of my mind.

426
00:29:51,915 --> 00:29:56,170
I mean, whenever I see that song going on,
and I can look around the congregation

427
00:29:56,253 --> 00:29:58,802
and know everybody's thinking
the same thing.

428
00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:03,260
This man, oh, goodness.
Oh, makes me laugh.

429
00:30:03,343 --> 00:30:06,142
Anyway, have you prepared your remarks?

430
00:30:06,221 --> 00:30:09,521
Oh, no. Not yet, but I will.

431
00:30:10,851 --> 00:30:12,945
- So how are you?
- Oh, I'm fine.

432
00:30:13,895 --> 00:30:14,817
No, really.

433
00:30:15,689 --> 00:30:18,158
I mean, it's been awhile
since we've talked.

434
00:30:18,233 --> 00:30:20,327
And you know,
even a pastor needs a pastor.

435
00:30:21,445 --> 00:30:22,446
We should do it, okay?

436
00:30:23,113 --> 00:30:24,205
I'd like that.

437
00:30:24,281 --> 00:30:26,283
Good. And come by here more often.

438
00:30:26,616 --> 00:30:29,620
You should get out.
Come on by and be a part of things.

439
00:30:29,703 --> 00:30:31,797
So many activities you can do, and...

440
00:30:31,872 --> 00:30:33,419
- And the kids like you a lot.
- Mmm.

441
00:30:33,498 --> 00:30:34,795
They always speak highly of you.

442
00:30:34,875 --> 00:30:37,173
So you can get out of that--
what is the play?

443
00:30:37,252 --> 00:30:38,879
What do they like to call it
over where you are?

444
00:30:38,962 --> 00:30:43,217
- The museum.
- The souvenir shop.

445
00:30:43,842 --> 00:30:45,139
They call it the souvenir shop.

446
00:30:45,218 --> 00:30:47,596
Well, good. Well, good.
You're doing a great job.

447
00:30:49,014 --> 00:30:50,687
I'm grateful for the opportunity.

448
00:31:21,380 --> 00:31:22,927
[woman] How was Jeffers?

449
00:31:23,006 --> 00:31:25,555
[Toiler] Oh, he wants me to meet Ed Balq.

450
00:31:26,093 --> 00:31:29,518
Balq Industries, Balq Energy,
Balq Paper, Balq Peanuts--

451
00:31:29,596 --> 00:31:30,518
Why?

452
00:31:31,139 --> 00:31:34,689
Well, it's all about the reconsecration.

453
00:31:34,768 --> 00:31:37,317
And apparently Mr. Balq wants
to make sure he gets

454
00:31:37,896 --> 00:31:40,024
proper credit for underwriting
the whole thing.

455
00:31:40,107 --> 00:31:41,108
Well, he should.

456
00:31:41,191 --> 00:31:43,535
First Reformed would be a parking lot
if it wasn't for him.

457
00:31:43,610 --> 00:31:44,532
I guess.

458
00:31:46,279 --> 00:31:47,531
Did you see the doctor?

459
00:31:49,366 --> 00:31:50,913
Yes, I made an appointment.

460
00:31:50,992 --> 00:31:53,495
There was a bit of a hang up
with the insurance company, but...

461
00:31:54,329 --> 00:31:55,706
God, they make it so difficult.

462
00:31:57,040 --> 00:32:00,010
- Yeah, well, that's what they do.
- Mm-hmm.

463
00:32:01,169 --> 00:32:02,921
You need someone to take care of you.

464
00:32:06,299 --> 00:32:10,304
Esther, we tried that.
I'm not made for that.

465
00:32:10,387 --> 00:32:14,233
[scoffs] For what? Love?
You're not made for love?

466
00:32:16,184 --> 00:32:17,436
My marriage was a failure.

467
00:32:19,312 --> 00:32:21,906
No marriage can survive
the loss of a child.

468
00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:29,202
It's not right.

469
00:32:33,785 --> 00:32:34,832
Is that what you think?

470
00:32:35,787 --> 00:32:37,380
That what we did together was a sin?

471
00:32:37,456 --> 00:32:40,960
- That we transgressed?
- No, that's not what I think.

472
00:32:41,918 --> 00:32:45,138
I've seen enough real sin
to know the difference. It's just...

473
00:32:47,007 --> 00:32:47,929
Okay?

474
00:32:48,341 --> 00:32:49,263
Okay.

475
00:32:50,177 --> 00:32:51,349
I understand, I...

476
00:32:52,679 --> 00:32:54,522
I care about you. I want you to be happy.

477
00:32:57,476 --> 00:32:58,602
Well, I am haPPY-

478
00:33:05,734 --> 00:33:07,862
[Toiler] Some are called
for their gregariousness.

479
00:33:08,820 --> 00:33:10,493
Some are called for their suffering.

480
00:33:12,282 --> 00:33:14,284
Others are called for their loneliness.

481
00:33:15,660 --> 00:33:16,707
They are called by God

482
00:33:16,786 --> 00:33:18,663
because through
the vessel of communication,

483
00:33:18,747 --> 00:33:19,873
they can reach out

484
00:33:19,956 --> 00:33:21,958
and hold beating hearts in their hands.

485
00:33:24,294 --> 00:33:26,717
They are called because
of their all-consuming knowledge

486
00:33:26,796 --> 00:33:28,764
of the emptiness of all things

487
00:33:29,257 --> 00:33:31,931
that can only be filled
by the presence of our Savior.

488
00:33:32,010 --> 00:33:33,057
[cell phone ringing]

489
00:33:38,308 --> 00:33:40,060
- Yes?
-[Mary] Reverend Toiler?

490
00:33:40,143 --> 00:33:41,144
- Oh!
- It's me.

491
00:33:41,228 --> 00:33:42,150
Yes, Mary?

492
00:33:43,188 --> 00:33:45,532
I got your message about rescheduling.

493
00:33:45,607 --> 00:33:47,985
You must come over. Now.

494
00:33:49,194 --> 00:33:51,697
-ls Michael there?
- No, he's at work.

495
00:33:51,780 --> 00:33:55,284
- You must come over now.
- Okay. Okay.

496
00:34:05,585 --> 00:34:07,587
[car door opens]

497
00:34:14,886 --> 00:34:15,808
[car door closes]

498
00:34:20,350 --> 00:34:21,272
Thanks for coming.

499
00:34:25,438 --> 00:34:26,439
Follow me.

500
00:34:44,374 --> 00:34:48,254
[Mary] I was looking for some batteries
'cause we were out.

501
00:34:48,336 --> 00:34:50,964
And I thought maybe
there'd be some in here, you know?

502
00:34:51,047 --> 00:34:54,142
And then something just didn't seem right.

503
00:34:56,261 --> 00:34:58,138
Okay, I put everything back
the way I found it,

504
00:34:58,221 --> 00:35:01,976
'cause I wanted you to see how it was.

505
00:35:18,575 --> 00:35:19,747
Explosives?

506
00:35:21,161 --> 00:35:22,504
It's a suicide vest.

507
00:35:23,747 --> 00:35:25,090
And there's other elements in there, too.

508
00:35:25,165 --> 00:35:30,046
There's batteries and detonators
and tubes of jelly.

509
00:35:32,797 --> 00:35:35,767
You know, he'd been working
in the garage lately,

510
00:35:35,842 --> 00:35:38,937
and he said he was fixing a motor.

511
00:35:39,804 --> 00:35:41,226
And I didn't question him.

512
00:35:41,306 --> 00:35:42,603
'Cause I was just happy

513
00:35:42,682 --> 00:35:44,901
that he was doing something
that made him happy.

514
00:35:45,310 --> 00:35:46,983
But you had no idea
that he was thinking of--

515
00:35:47,062 --> 00:35:50,191
No, no suspicions. Nothing like this.

516
00:35:50,273 --> 00:35:52,867
All right, well,
I'm gonna take this, all right?

517
00:35:52,942 --> 00:35:54,489
This cannot remain here.

518
00:35:54,569 --> 00:35:58,449
I'm gonna take it and dispose of it. And--

519
00:35:58,531 --> 00:36:00,204
You're not gonna go to the police?

520
00:36:00,784 --> 00:36:02,457
No, I won't-- do you-- do you want me to'?

521
00:36:02,535 --> 00:36:05,414
- No! No, no, no.
- I don't think it'd help.

522
00:36:05,497 --> 00:36:07,295
I don't think anything good

523
00:36:07,374 --> 00:36:09,092
will come from him feeling threatened.

524
00:36:09,584 --> 00:36:12,633
I'm gonna come over tomorrow. Tomorrow.

525
00:36:13,672 --> 00:36:17,222
Somehow, through conversation,
I will address this.

526
00:36:19,469 --> 00:36:20,686
I'm so frightened.

527
00:36:20,762 --> 00:36:22,730
You don't mean
that he-- you're afraid of him?

528
00:36:22,806 --> 00:36:24,274
- That he's gonna hurt you, right?
- No.

529
00:36:24,349 --> 00:36:26,226
- No, no, no. I'm afraid for him.
- No? Okay, all right.

530
00:36:26,309 --> 00:36:27,481
You know, are there other activists,

531
00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:29,813
-like, coming around, calling?
- No. There's nobody.

532
00:36:29,896 --> 00:36:32,820
He has no friends.
He's barely even sociable, so.

533
00:36:33,483 --> 00:36:34,575
All right, but he has you.

534
00:36:36,027 --> 00:36:36,994
- Yeah.
- You'll stand by him?

535
00:36:37,529 --> 00:36:40,123
- Yeah, absolutely.
- All right. Well, so will l.

536
00:36:54,713 --> 00:36:57,512
[Toiler] Discernment intersects
with Christian life at every moment.

537
00:37:00,343 --> 00:37:01,265
Discernment.

538
00:37:04,389 --> 00:37:07,859
Listening and waiting for God's wish
what action must be taken.

539
00:37:23,700 --> 00:37:26,078
[Toiler] My petty ailments
have made me bad-tempered.

540
00:37:27,328 --> 00:37:30,502
I fight the urge not to write down
the thoughts which come to my mind.

541
00:37:35,336 --> 00:37:37,930
[Toiler] The desire to pray itself
is a type of prayer.

542
00:37:38,006 --> 00:37:39,098
[retching]

543
00:37:39,382 --> 00:37:43,762
How often we ask for genuine experience
when all we really want is emotion.

544
00:37:45,638 --> 00:37:47,436
[coughing]

545
00:37:48,808 --> 00:37:51,152
[Toiler] My hands shake
as I write these lines.

546
00:38:11,748 --> 00:38:13,591
I wasn't expecting you
for another couple of weeks.

547
00:38:14,751 --> 00:38:16,298
We got a message from the boss.

548
00:38:16,377 --> 00:38:18,004
He said it was a top priority.

549
00:38:18,087 --> 00:38:19,680
You're having some kind of big event here?

550
00:38:20,173 --> 00:38:23,518
Yeah, the church is having
its 250th anniversary.

551
00:38:23,593 --> 00:38:26,597
Abundant Life is planning
quite the ceremony.

552
00:38:28,807 --> 00:38:30,809
[organ playing]

553
00:38:33,394 --> 00:38:35,067
Hmm. "A Mighty Fortress."

554
00:38:36,105 --> 00:38:37,903
-[cell phone chimes]
- Oh.

555
00:38:49,452 --> 00:38:50,544
[cell phone beeps]

556
00:39:19,148 --> 00:39:20,149
[car door opens]

557
00:39:23,987 --> 00:39:24,909
[car door slams]

558
00:39:56,853 --> 00:39:58,275
[airplane flies overhead]

559
00:40:31,220 --> 00:40:32,187
[quietly] Jesus.

560
00:40:32,180 --> 00:40:32,271
[quietly] Jesus.

561
00:40:32,263 --> 00:40:32,638
[quietly] Jesus.

562
00:40:36,100 --> 00:40:37,022
[quietly] My God.

563
00:40:37,602 --> 00:40:39,024
[birds calling in the distance]

564
00:40:47,862 --> 00:40:48,784
[exhales]

565
00:40:54,535 --> 00:40:56,537
[cell phone beeping]

566
00:41:01,542 --> 00:41:02,634
[Toiler] Yeah, see that?

567
00:41:03,544 --> 00:41:05,012
I mean, he had been
fighting with depression.

568
00:41:05,088 --> 00:41:06,590
That's why I was supposed to meet him.

569
00:41:07,507 --> 00:41:09,305
I never imagined anything like this.

570
00:41:10,385 --> 00:41:12,308
[sheriff] Were you in touch
with the immediate family?

571
00:41:12,387 --> 00:41:14,014
Well, his wife, Mary.

572
00:41:14,097 --> 00:41:16,350
She's the one who first
asked me to meet with him.

573
00:41:17,058 --> 00:41:18,401
Did she know about your text?

574
00:41:18,935 --> 00:41:21,688
No, but she was concerned. We both were.

575
00:41:22,313 --> 00:41:25,157
Hmm. Have you notified her?

576
00:41:27,193 --> 00:41:30,117
- No.
- I guess that's where I'm headed.

577
00:41:30,655 --> 00:41:31,998
All right. Okay.

578
00:41:32,407 --> 00:41:34,535
All right, do you mind
if I follow behind you?

579
00:41:34,826 --> 00:41:37,921
- All right.
- I knew his father.

580
00:41:38,788 --> 00:41:42,008
- Really? What's he like?
- A businessman.

581
00:41:42,709 --> 00:41:46,259
Morbid son of a bitch.
I guess it runs in the blood.

582
00:41:56,931 --> 00:41:58,103
[sheriff] Thank you, Reverend.

583
00:42:00,852 --> 00:42:03,275
Mrs. Mensana, hey again,
I'm sorry for your loss.

584
00:42:03,354 --> 00:42:05,197
If there's anything else that
we can do, please let us know.

585
00:42:05,273 --> 00:42:06,900
-[Mary] Thanks.
-[sheriff] Thank you, Reverend.

586
00:42:06,983 --> 00:42:07,905
[Toiler] Thank you.

587
00:42:22,707 --> 00:42:24,129
You didn't tell the police, right?

588
00:42:25,668 --> 00:42:26,590
About?

589
00:42:27,336 --> 00:42:28,258
No.

590
00:42:29,464 --> 00:42:30,386
No.

591
00:42:32,050 --> 00:42:35,224
If you find anything else...

592
00:42:36,888 --> 00:42:39,892
like that, get rid of it.

593
00:42:41,100 --> 00:42:43,353
As long as it's safe, I mean.
Burn it, bury it.

594
00:42:44,771 --> 00:42:47,240
Michael was troubled
but his cause was just.

595
00:42:47,315 --> 00:42:49,943
There's no reason to bring
disrepute on that cause.

596
00:42:51,277 --> 00:42:54,030
-[whispers] Yeah.
- Are you an activist as well?

597
00:42:55,907 --> 00:42:57,534
I share Michael's beliefs.

598
00:43:00,161 --> 00:43:03,165
But not his despair. I mean, I wanna live.

599
00:43:03,247 --> 00:43:04,294
- I wanna be a mother.
- Right.

600
00:43:04,373 --> 00:43:06,467
I wanna have this child.

601
00:43:07,835 --> 00:43:09,508
Do you have family nearby?

602
00:43:09,587 --> 00:43:11,840
My-- yeah, my sister. She's in Buffalo.

603
00:43:11,923 --> 00:43:13,891
- You might want to call her.
- I will.

604
00:43:24,102 --> 00:43:26,651
So he went into the garage?

605
00:43:29,440 --> 00:43:30,362
Yeah.

606
00:43:32,985 --> 00:43:33,907
What did he say?

607
00:43:35,738 --> 00:43:36,660
Nothing.

608
00:43:47,667 --> 00:43:49,214
Well, from a police point of view,

609
00:43:49,293 --> 00:43:53,548
I imagine this is
a pretty cut-and-dried case.

610
00:43:53,631 --> 00:43:58,728
Still, I'd probably clean up the office,
maybe get rid of his laptop.

611
00:44:04,642 --> 00:44:05,564
You...

612
00:44:31,169 --> 00:44:32,170
[Mary] Open it.

613
00:45:05,411 --> 00:45:06,628
I'd sensed it.

614
00:45:07,955 --> 00:45:08,877
What?

615
00:45:10,875 --> 00:45:11,922
He was absent.

616
00:45:15,171 --> 00:45:17,219
He was becoming someone I didn't know.

617
00:45:21,093 --> 00:45:22,720
Like, before I was pregnant even.

618
00:45:25,473 --> 00:45:28,147
And he was just so full
of anger, you know?

619
00:45:33,731 --> 00:45:35,608
Yeah, I should probably call my parents.

620
00:45:36,442 --> 00:45:37,364
My sister.

621
00:45:40,279 --> 00:45:42,657
They should-- they should know.

622
00:45:45,368 --> 00:45:47,166
[Toiler] I stayed while
she called her sister.

623
00:45:47,912 --> 00:45:49,664
Her sister was going to drive down

624
00:45:50,790 --> 00:45:52,918
and her parents would come
for the final rights.

625
00:45:58,256 --> 00:45:59,428
[Toiler] Hey, Bill. Chicken or beef?

626
00:46:00,007 --> 00:46:01,350
- Beet
- Beef. Okay, great.

627
00:46:01,968 --> 00:46:02,890
How've you been?

628
00:46:03,261 --> 00:46:05,263
- I'm all right. Yeah.
-[mumbles] You okay?

629
00:46:08,057 --> 00:46:10,401
- Is that enough for you?
- Thanks a lot, Reverend.

630
00:46:11,769 --> 00:46:13,191
Did you want the chicken or the beef?

631
00:46:13,479 --> 00:46:16,073
- Uh, the beef, thank you.
- Beef? Yeah.

632
00:46:17,608 --> 00:46:20,236
There you are. Careful, it's hot.

633
00:46:21,570 --> 00:46:23,368
Reverend, I wanted to ask you--

634
00:46:23,447 --> 00:46:24,994
- Oh, sh--
-[groans]

635
00:46:25,199 --> 00:46:27,827
Damn, I'm sorry, Joseph! I'm so sorry.

636
00:46:28,744 --> 00:46:29,666
[Toiler] Terrible night.

637
00:46:30,871 --> 00:46:33,966
No sooner than I shut my eyes,
desolation came upon me.

638
00:46:36,002 --> 00:46:38,425
What is one's last thought
as you pull the trigger?

639
00:46:40,464 --> 00:46:41,636
"There goes my head."

640
00:46:42,425 --> 00:46:44,974
Or, "Jesus, watch over me."

641
00:46:45,511 --> 00:46:46,433
or neither?

642
00:46:48,139 --> 00:46:49,732
I'm going to tear these pages out.

643
00:46:50,808 --> 00:46:52,401
This journal brings me no peace.

644
00:46:53,352 --> 00:46:55,446
It's self-pity. Nothing more.

645
00:47:11,620 --> 00:47:13,622
[keyboard clicking]

646
00:47:18,878 --> 00:47:21,051
[door opens, closes]

647
00:47:32,933 --> 00:47:34,856
[Toiler] I awoke at 3:00 with a cry.

648
00:47:36,020 --> 00:47:39,365
It's been five months
since I sensed the first warning signs.

649
00:47:43,819 --> 00:47:46,572
I went into the church
and fell asleep on a bench.

650
00:47:53,329 --> 00:47:55,377
[Toiler] How easily
they talk about prayer,

651
00:47:56,082 --> 00:47:57,709
those who have never really prayed.

652
00:48:04,340 --> 00:48:05,432
[woman] Excuse me?

653
00:48:08,010 --> 00:48:09,227
Oh, my goodness!

654
00:48:11,180 --> 00:48:15,526
[boy] Well, since I made my commitment,
I have felt the Lord moving in my life.

655
00:48:15,601 --> 00:48:17,820
-[Toiler chuckles]
- If happiness came in pill size,

656
00:48:17,895 --> 00:48:19,522
it would have JC stamped on it.

657
00:48:19,605 --> 00:48:20,697
[laughter]

658
00:48:21,565 --> 00:48:22,942
Continuous release size.

659
00:48:24,151 --> 00:48:26,950
I wake up feeling better.

660
00:48:27,029 --> 00:48:31,830
My relationships are better
and I got a raise last week.

661
00:48:32,535 --> 00:48:35,209
I find myself in prayer
without even thinking about it.

662
00:48:37,498 --> 00:48:40,468
Thank you, Jason. That is very inspiring.

663
00:48:41,335 --> 00:48:45,181
Praise Jesus. My every breath is a prayer.

664
00:48:46,173 --> 00:48:49,803
Thoughts? Reactions? Yes? Cynthia.

665
00:48:50,803 --> 00:48:52,851
Three months ago, my father got laid off.

666
00:48:54,223 --> 00:48:55,349
He can't find any work.

667
00:48:55,850 --> 00:48:58,023
Nobody loves the Lord more than my father.

668
00:48:58,102 --> 00:49:00,855
He is always testifying, he volunteers.

669
00:49:02,022 --> 00:49:03,194
Did he do something wrong?

670
00:49:05,985 --> 00:49:09,080
[clears throat]
You all know Reverend Toiler

671
00:49:09,155 --> 00:49:10,327
from First Reformed.

672
00:49:11,407 --> 00:49:13,501
-[man] Hello.
- Hey, yeah. Hi. Yeah.

673
00:49:14,410 --> 00:49:17,289
How do you answer this, Reverend?

674
00:49:18,289 --> 00:49:21,168
Well, Cynthia, I'm sorry
that happened to your father.

675
00:49:21,667 --> 00:49:26,264
There's a lot of church people,
good Christians, who see a connection

676
00:49:26,338 --> 00:49:29,342
between godliness and prosperity.

677
00:49:30,176 --> 00:49:31,894
But that's not what Jesus teaches.

678
00:49:32,470 --> 00:49:33,642
That's not what Jesus lived.

679
00:49:33,721 --> 00:49:35,564
There's no dollar sign on His pulpit.

680
00:49:36,140 --> 00:49:37,767
There's no American flag either.

681
00:49:38,684 --> 00:49:42,188
I think, Cynthia, what your father
is experiencing is--

682
00:49:42,271 --> 00:49:43,818
[boy 2] Christians shouldn't succeed.

683
00:49:44,607 --> 00:49:47,360
That's what he means.
Christianity is for losers?

684
00:49:47,818 --> 00:49:49,320
Jake,Jake!flaughs]

685
00:49:49,403 --> 00:49:51,246
I just get tired of turn the other cheek.

686
00:49:51,739 --> 00:49:53,286
Jesus didn't turn the other cheek.

687
00:49:53,782 --> 00:49:54,783
Why stand for anything?

688
00:49:55,493 --> 00:49:56,836
Take prayer out of the schools.

689
00:49:57,369 --> 00:49:59,838
Give money to people
too lazy to work for it.

690
00:49:59,914 --> 00:50:01,587
And whatever you do,
don't offend the Muslims.

691
00:50:03,042 --> 00:50:04,715
I mean, no sooner do I mention the poor,

692
00:50:04,793 --> 00:50:06,841
and this teenager jumps down my throat

693
00:50:06,921 --> 00:50:09,344
like I just took a shit
on the American flag.

694
00:50:09,423 --> 00:50:12,848
Forgive my language. Oh, God!

695
00:50:12,927 --> 00:50:13,849
I know. Roger told me.

696
00:50:13,928 --> 00:50:16,727
He was great. He was terrific.
He's a good man.

697
00:50:16,805 --> 00:50:18,102
Well, he said you kept your cool

698
00:50:18,182 --> 00:50:19,229
and he admired you for that.

699
00:50:19,767 --> 00:50:21,440
There's just no middle ground
with these kids.

700
00:50:21,519 --> 00:50:23,317
Everything is so extreme.

701
00:50:23,687 --> 00:50:25,439
It's the times.
These are frightening times.

702
00:50:25,523 --> 00:50:27,776
These kids, they grow up in a world

703
00:50:27,858 --> 00:50:30,111
that you and I,
we wouldn't even recognize.

704
00:50:30,486 --> 00:50:34,332
Global warming, a sea of pornography,

705
00:50:34,406 --> 00:50:36,408
hyper violent video games.

706
00:50:36,492 --> 00:50:37,835
It's a world without privacy.

707
00:50:38,327 --> 00:50:41,547
Each kid isolated, communicating on media.

708
00:50:42,289 --> 00:50:43,506
It's a world without hope!

709
00:50:44,124 --> 00:50:45,671
You don't know what it's like
to raise a kid in this--

710
00:50:45,751 --> 00:50:46,923
No, I did raise a kid.

711
00:50:48,963 --> 00:50:51,261
- I didn't mean it like that.
- I know you didn't.

712
00:50:53,008 --> 00:50:54,601
[Jeffers] They're just frightened.

713
00:50:54,677 --> 00:50:56,600
- These kids, they want certainty.
- Mm-hmm.

714
00:50:56,679 --> 00:50:58,727
You know, don't think: follow.

715
00:51:01,100 --> 00:51:02,977
But they fall prey to extremism.

716
00:51:03,561 --> 00:51:06,064
Jihadism is everywhere.

717
00:51:06,564 --> 00:51:07,486
Even here.

718
00:51:07,565 --> 00:51:10,694
It's just-- that's not
the church that called me.

719
00:51:10,776 --> 00:51:11,902
Nor me.

720
00:51:11,986 --> 00:51:15,035
It's up to us. We have to listen and guide

721
00:51:15,114 --> 00:51:19,460
and encourage our young members
to express themselves

722
00:51:19,535 --> 00:51:20,707
without judging them.

723
00:51:21,245 --> 00:51:22,292
We have to lead by example.

724
00:51:23,497 --> 00:51:24,669
We have to be patient.

725
00:51:32,131 --> 00:51:36,807
-[organ playing]
- Oh, this sounds great.

726
00:51:36,885 --> 00:51:39,479
I'm gonna have to sharpen my chops
for the reconsecration.

727
00:51:40,264 --> 00:51:41,607
Do you know what they want to play?

728
00:51:41,682 --> 00:51:43,935
No, I have no idea.
Abundant Life is handling everything.

729
00:51:44,018 --> 00:51:45,235
Invites, the seating.

730
00:51:45,728 --> 00:51:47,321
Basically, I just introduce Joel.

731
00:51:47,813 --> 00:51:51,659
And then he does his spiel,
introduces the governor, maybe Ed Balq.

732
00:51:51,734 --> 00:51:55,284
- Oh, why him?
- It's sort of his whole deal.

733
00:51:55,362 --> 00:51:58,115
I mean, he's underwritten the whole thing,
paid to have the organ fixed.

734
00:51:58,866 --> 00:51:59,788
I do have another...

735
00:51:59,867 --> 00:52:01,915
- Oh, take it from the top.
-...musical question for you.

736
00:52:01,994 --> 00:52:03,871
[organ playing]

737
00:52:16,258 --> 00:52:19,558
It's actually
a... kind of sad bit of business.

738
00:52:19,637 --> 00:52:21,605
- Hmm?
- The Michael Mensana memorial.

739
00:52:21,680 --> 00:52:25,275
The scattering of his ashes.
He's asked me to arrange it.

740
00:52:26,685 --> 00:52:27,686
[John] He's asked you?

741
00:52:29,063 --> 00:52:32,363
Well, he wrote a letter.
He had some requests.

742
00:52:37,363 --> 00:52:38,990
[Toiler] Then the Lord spoke to Job,

743
00:52:39,657 --> 00:52:40,749
stepped from the storm.

744
00:52:42,034 --> 00:52:44,412
He said, "Where were you
when I laid the earth's foundations,

745
00:52:44,495 --> 00:52:48,125
marked out its dimensions,
laid its cornerstone?

746
00:52:51,627 --> 00:52:53,220
When the morning stars sang,

747
00:52:54,713 --> 00:52:58,308
and the angels
shouted with joy, where were you?"

748
00:53:02,012 --> 00:53:03,639
These surroundings were chosen by Michael

749
00:53:03,722 --> 00:53:06,066
as the repository
for his physical remains.

750
00:53:06,725 --> 00:53:08,352
I say physical because his memories

751
00:53:08,435 --> 00:53:10,028
and spirit live on with us,

752
00:53:10,896 --> 00:53:12,068
as does his mission.

753
00:53:13,315 --> 00:53:14,817
Michael cared about this world.

754
00:53:16,235 --> 00:53:17,327
Perhaps too much.

755
00:53:19,029 --> 00:53:22,374
The Abundant Life youth choir
will now sing for us

756
00:53:23,033 --> 00:53:24,330
a song chosen by Michael.

757
00:53:31,834 --> 00:53:33,836
[pitch pipe plays]

758
00:53:36,004 --> 00:53:38,052
[singing "Who's Going to Stand Up
and Save the Earth" By Neil Young]

759
00:53:38,132 --> 00:53:42,012
♪ Protect the wild, tomorrow's child X

760
00:53:42,803 --> 00:53:47,479
♪ Protect the land from the greed of man I'

761
00:53:48,183 --> 00:53:53,030
♪ Take out the dams, stand up to oil a'

762
00:53:53,647 --> 00:53:57,026
♪ Protect the plants and renew the soil a'

763
00:53:57,025 --> 00:53:57,116
♪ Protect the plants and renew the soil a'

764
00:53:57,109 --> 00:53:58,110
♪ Protect the plants and renew the soil a'

765
00:53:58,902 --> 00:54:03,123
♪ Who's gonna stand up
And save the Earth? a'

766
00:54:04,032 --> 00:54:08,253
♪ Who's gonna say that she's had enough? x

767
00:54:08,912 --> 00:54:13,292
♪ Who's gonna take on the big machine? I

768
00:54:13,792 --> 00:54:17,888
♪ Who's gonna stand up
And save the Earth? a'

769
00:54:18,338 --> 00:54:22,559
♪ This all starts with you and me a'

770
00:54:26,388 --> 00:54:28,516
♪ End fossil fuels a'

771
00:54:29,016 --> 00:54:30,859
♪ Draw the line a'

772
00:54:31,268 --> 00:54:35,489
♪ Before we build one more pipeline a'

773
00:54:36,231 --> 00:54:38,029
♪ End fracking now A'

774
00:54:38,567 --> 00:54:40,490
♪ Let's save the water a'

775
00:54:41,069 --> 00:54:45,245
♪ And build a life
For our sons and daughters a'

776
00:54:45,991 --> 00:54:50,246
♪ Who's gonna stand up
And save the Earth? a'

777
00:54:50,954 --> 00:54:54,925
♪ Who's gonna say that she's had enough? x

778
00:54:55,793 --> 00:54:59,843
♪ Who's gonna take on the big machine? I

779
00:55:00,631 --> 00:55:04,681
♪ Who's gonna stand up
And save the Earth? a'

780
00:55:05,093 --> 00:55:09,974
♪ This all starts with you and me a'

781
00:55:10,057 --> 00:55:10,979
[song ends]

782
00:55:18,565 --> 00:55:19,487
[car approaching]

783
00:55:33,080 --> 00:55:34,127
- I'm good.
- All right.

784
00:55:47,177 --> 00:55:48,474
Mr. Balq!
- Hey!

785
00:55:48,554 --> 00:55:49,976
- Hello!
- How are you?

786
00:55:50,055 --> 00:55:51,557
- Very good, very good.
- Good, good, good.

787
00:55:53,433 --> 00:55:57,233
Hey. Sorry I'm late.
I got-- I got held up.

788
00:55:57,646 --> 00:55:59,319
[Jeffers] Oh, good.
You know Reverend Toiler, right?

789
00:55:59,398 --> 00:56:00,945
Well, only by sight. Ed Balq.

790
00:56:01,024 --> 00:56:02,446
- Good to meet you.
-[Toiler] It's nice to meet you.

791
00:56:04,152 --> 00:56:05,074
Just bring me a coffee

792
00:56:05,153 --> 00:56:07,076
-and the apple pie, all right?
- Okay. Thank you.

793
00:56:08,323 --> 00:56:09,245
The apple pie.

794
00:56:09,324 --> 00:56:11,873
I know it's a cliché
but they make it right here.

795
00:56:11,952 --> 00:56:13,704
It's organic. It's local.

796
00:56:14,496 --> 00:56:16,169
I have a surprise for you.

797
00:56:16,248 --> 00:56:21,004
I stopped by the printer on the way over.

798
00:56:23,839 --> 00:56:24,761
Oh.

799
00:56:25,591 --> 00:56:29,095
Oh, nice. Nice. They did a great job.

800
00:56:29,177 --> 00:56:32,272
Yeah, all the guests
at the reconsecration will get a copy.

801
00:56:32,347 --> 00:56:34,099
And then there will also be a mailing.

802
00:56:34,182 --> 00:56:36,480
And of course it will be
available at the bookstore.

803
00:56:36,894 --> 00:56:38,020
So how are the plans coming?

804
00:56:38,729 --> 00:56:39,981
Is the organ repaired?

805
00:56:40,063 --> 00:56:42,316
Oh, yeah. It sounds beautiful.
Better than ever.

806
00:56:43,025 --> 00:56:47,451
Okay. We drew up a little seating chart.

807
00:56:48,030 --> 00:56:49,782
Now, Mayor Wilson will be there,

808
00:56:50,198 --> 00:56:51,165
as well as the governor.

809
00:56:51,241 --> 00:56:52,288
Well, at least he's going to try...

810
00:56:52,367 --> 00:56:53,960
[Toiler] All of those mighty men of God,

811
00:56:54,870 --> 00:56:56,292
servants of the cross.

812
00:56:56,371 --> 00:57:00,751
Years of service, baptisms,
confessions, funerals, sermons.

813
00:57:00,834 --> 00:57:02,211
The hours in prayer,

814
00:57:02,669 --> 00:57:04,216
the afflictions suffered.

815
00:57:04,755 --> 00:57:06,132
Did God give them strength?

816
00:57:06,757 --> 00:57:08,384
[Jeffers]
Reverend Toiler will introduce me.

817
00:57:08,634 --> 00:57:10,636
I'll go up, I'll introduce the governor.

818
00:57:10,969 --> 00:57:12,892
There'll be a song selection.
Now, the main--

819
00:57:12,971 --> 00:57:14,723
There won't be anything
political though, will there?

820
00:57:15,474 --> 00:57:17,568
No. No, why would there be?

821
00:57:18,352 --> 00:57:19,649
Well-- oh, sorry. Do you mind?

822
00:57:19,728 --> 00:57:20,729
[woman] Here you are.

823
00:57:21,146 --> 00:57:22,363
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

824
00:57:22,439 --> 00:57:24,658
- Well, I ask...
- Enjoy.

825
00:57:24,733 --> 00:57:27,737
...only 'cause this came to my attention.

826
00:57:28,779 --> 00:57:31,077
It's a printout from a website.

827
00:57:31,823 --> 00:57:35,043
Well, both First Reformed
and Abundant Life are mentioned by name.

828
00:57:35,118 --> 00:57:39,043
It was a political event.
A Neil Young protest song?

829
00:57:40,040 --> 00:57:43,761
I was just respecting the wishes
of the deceased and his widow.

830
00:57:43,835 --> 00:57:46,338
It was their instructions
for the memorial service.

831
00:57:46,421 --> 00:57:49,641
At a toxic waste site
with the press in attendance?

832
00:57:49,716 --> 00:57:51,013
There was no press invited.

833
00:57:51,093 --> 00:57:52,936
No, this is just Mensana's friends.

834
00:57:53,011 --> 00:57:54,263
It was a political act.

835
00:57:54,346 --> 00:57:57,441
And you and the choir represented
the Abundant Life Church.

836
00:57:57,516 --> 00:58:00,235
And the Hanstown site,
by the way, isn't even polluted.

837
00:58:00,310 --> 00:58:02,028
It was cleaned up with EPA superfunds.

838
00:58:02,813 --> 00:58:04,486
- Well, Hanstown--
- No, no, of course not,

839
00:58:04,564 --> 00:58:06,783
but just give me some credit, all right?
I'm in the energy business.

840
00:58:06,858 --> 00:58:08,235
It's my business to stay informed.

841
00:58:09,403 --> 00:58:10,495
Look, sorry.

842
00:58:10,904 --> 00:58:13,874
Reverend Toiler didn't understand
the implications here.

843
00:58:15,617 --> 00:58:17,290
- May I ask a question?
-[Balq] Yeah, go ahead.

844
00:58:17,619 --> 00:58:18,791
Will God forgive us?

845
00:58:22,457 --> 00:58:25,006
Will God forgive us for what
we're doing to his creation?

846
00:58:25,085 --> 00:58:27,804
That's what Mensana asked me
when I visited him.

847
00:58:29,089 --> 00:58:32,969
This-- there's been a lot of loose talk
about environmental change.

848
00:58:33,051 --> 00:58:36,055
There is scientific consensus.
Ninety-seven percent...

849
00:58:36,138 --> 00:58:39,108
[Toiler] The man who says nothing
always seems more intelligent.

850
00:58:39,725 --> 00:58:41,693
Why couldn't I just keep silent?

851
00:58:43,270 --> 00:58:44,988
It's a complicated subject.

852
00:58:45,063 --> 00:58:45,985
Not really.

853
00:58:46,606 --> 00:58:48,199
I mean, who benefits?

854
00:58:48,984 --> 00:58:50,076
Cui bono? Who profits?

855
00:58:50,152 --> 00:58:51,404
That's what I keep asking myself.

856
00:58:51,486 --> 00:58:55,616
Besides the Biblical call to stewardship,
who profits when we soil our own nest?

857
00:58:55,699 --> 00:58:57,497
- What's to be gained--
- Can we just agree to keep politics

858
00:58:57,576 --> 00:58:58,953
out of the reconsecration service?

859
00:58:59,036 --> 00:59:01,664
- Yes.
- Yeah, but this isn't politics.

860
00:59:01,747 --> 00:59:05,593
- I mean, what God wants is for--
- Oh, you know the mind of God?

861
00:59:05,667 --> 00:59:07,260
You spoke to Him, personally?

862
00:59:07,794 --> 00:59:09,421
He told you His plans for Earth?

863
00:59:12,632 --> 00:59:15,806
Look, I understand, you're upset.

864
00:59:18,805 --> 00:59:20,773
I mean, you found the body, correct?

865
00:59:22,267 --> 00:59:23,189
Yes.

866
00:59:24,686 --> 00:59:25,608
How?

867
00:59:31,943 --> 00:59:34,446
I was supposed to meet him.

868
00:59:35,280 --> 00:59:40,537
And he texted me
and-- a change of location.

869
00:59:41,078 --> 00:59:42,000
[Balq] And?

870
00:59:44,498 --> 00:59:45,920
And I went there and he was dead.

871
00:59:49,961 --> 00:59:51,554
So you counseled him, Reverend?

872
00:59:53,215 --> 00:59:54,137
Yes.

873
00:59:54,758 --> 00:59:57,807
You counseled him, then he shot himself?

874
00:59:58,595 --> 00:59:59,517
[J effers] Ed?

875
01:00:01,598 --> 01:00:02,520
Yes.

876
01:00:05,894 --> 01:00:07,817
Well, I think you need
to step back, Reverend,

877
01:00:09,022 --> 01:00:11,775
and take a look at your own life
before you criticize others.

878
01:00:12,984 --> 01:00:13,906
Hmm?

879
01:00:34,381 --> 01:00:36,258
[Toiler] Mary and I rode the park trail.

880
01:00:38,510 --> 01:00:41,639
I had not ridden a bicycle,
I think, in 20 years.

881
01:00:47,519 --> 01:00:49,021
I was afraid I would fall.

882
01:00:55,485 --> 01:00:58,989
It's amazing the simple,
curative power of exercise.

883
01:01:04,870 --> 01:01:06,087
It's God-given.

884
01:01:14,421 --> 01:01:15,798
Thank you again.

885
01:01:16,464 --> 01:01:19,889
Michael and I used to cycle twice a week
and I've missed it so much.

886
01:01:19,968 --> 01:01:21,436
Oh, I enjoyed it.

887
01:01:22,220 --> 01:01:24,063
It's been a long time. [chuckles]

888
01:01:24,139 --> 01:01:25,482
But it was under protest.

889
01:01:26,641 --> 01:01:29,110
- I asked my doctor.
- Really? Still.

890
01:01:31,229 --> 01:01:33,323
- Can I ask you another favor?
- Sure.

891
01:01:34,065 --> 01:01:37,160
Could you box up Michael's things?
Or find somebody to do it?

892
01:01:39,654 --> 01:01:41,452
You sure you want to give them
away so quickly?

893
01:01:42,157 --> 01:01:44,535
Not, like, not give it away,
just, you know.

894
01:01:44,618 --> 01:01:47,792
Just box them up.
It just, you know, I feel...

895
01:01:48,705 --> 01:01:53,677
it's just difficult to be around
so many smells and memories, you know?

896
01:01:54,044 --> 01:01:55,887
Yeah, I can-- I can do it.

897
01:01:55,962 --> 01:01:56,884
[Mary sighs] Okay.

898
01:01:57,297 --> 01:01:58,640
[Toiler] Have you decided what's next?

899
01:01:58,715 --> 01:02:02,310
Um, the rent's paid for for two months,
so there's no hurry.

900
01:02:02,385 --> 01:02:05,264
But I'm gonna stay
with my sister and my brother-in-law.

901
01:02:05,347 --> 01:02:07,224
- Hmm, are you?
- Until the baby is born.

902
01:02:07,307 --> 01:02:08,775
So you'll relocate there?

903
01:02:08,850 --> 01:02:09,772
Yeah, I think so.

904
01:02:10,602 --> 01:02:12,650
She contacted an obstetrician.

905
01:02:14,814 --> 01:02:16,111
Are we talking pink or blue?

906
01:02:17,317 --> 01:02:18,409
- Blue.
- Blue.

907
01:02:18,485 --> 01:02:20,203
- Blue! Thanks.
- Ah, congratulations.

908
01:02:20,278 --> 01:02:21,404
- That's wonderful.
- Yeah.

909
01:02:23,615 --> 01:02:27,870
[Toiler] Oh, hey, I have a question
for you if it's not too painful.

910
01:02:31,873 --> 01:02:35,298
Do you think he really
would have harmed someone?

911
01:02:40,090 --> 01:02:41,012
Um...

912
01:02:42,175 --> 01:02:46,476
He'd been a part of some...
nonviolent protests.

913
01:02:47,555 --> 01:02:50,274
We both had. He'd been put in jail.

914
01:02:51,518 --> 01:02:52,440
He had a temper.

915
01:02:53,395 --> 01:02:56,239
I mean, he'd start yelling at police,
but no, I don't think he was...

916
01:02:57,565 --> 01:02:59,238
No. I don't think he was violent.

917
01:03:02,570 --> 01:03:03,537
I just, urn...

918
01:03:05,407 --> 01:03:09,082
I can't help but keep wondering
what I should have done differently.

919
01:03:13,331 --> 01:03:14,628
He didn't want to live.

920
01:03:19,170 --> 01:03:21,423
He was not a religious man, you know.

921
01:03:23,717 --> 01:03:26,186
He didn't care for the church.
That was me.

922
01:03:26,261 --> 01:03:27,934
I was the one who asked him to come.

923
01:03:28,596 --> 01:03:32,146
I was raised in the church
and I never could quite let it go.

924
01:03:33,143 --> 01:03:35,487
I'd be in a strange city
and I would just go

925
01:03:35,562 --> 01:03:37,439
to a church and sit down, you know?

926
01:03:37,522 --> 01:03:39,195
I was the spiritual one.

927
01:03:45,113 --> 01:03:46,035
Thanks.

928
01:03:46,656 --> 01:03:50,126
Yeah, I'll-- I'm gonna go get some boxes.

929
01:03:50,201 --> 01:03:51,544
- I'll come back for the clothes.
- Okay.

930
01:03:55,749 --> 01:03:57,251
Reverend? Um...

931
01:04:00,337 --> 01:04:02,931
would you... pray with me?

932
01:04:05,550 --> 01:04:07,598
I just-- I find it difficult
to do it alone.

933
01:04:07,677 --> 01:04:10,430
Just, the words just don't come.

934
01:04:12,515 --> 01:04:14,017
Are you uncomfortable
with me asking you that?

935
01:04:14,100 --> 01:04:17,070
- No. No, no, no. Of course not, yeah.
- Okay.

936
01:04:21,566 --> 01:04:22,658
Dear Heavenly Father...

937
01:04:24,694 --> 01:04:27,368
we invite you into this room,
into our heart...

938
01:04:27,864 --> 01:04:30,617
[Toiler] I held her hand, I spoke,

939
01:04:31,951 --> 01:04:33,544
and the words came out of my mouth.

940
01:04:34,496 --> 01:04:38,421
"By thy words, you shall be justified
and by thy words, you shall be condemned."

941
01:04:40,752 --> 01:04:41,844
[footsteps approaching]

942
01:05:11,908 --> 01:05:12,830
[low ambient music playing]

943
01:05:43,189 --> 01:05:45,066
[Toiler] I can no longer ignore my health.

944
01:05:46,276 --> 01:05:48,495
I have postponed my checkup too often.

945
01:05:50,238 --> 01:05:52,582
Yesterday, I could literally barely stand.

946
01:06:50,965 --> 01:06:53,559
[Toiler] No, I have not lost my faith.

947
01:07:36,177 --> 01:07:37,349
[ambulance wails in the distance]

948
01:07:47,397 --> 01:07:49,365
[air hisses]

949
01:08:13,506 --> 01:08:16,476
[Toiler] "And the rich man said,
'l will pull down my barns

950
01:08:16,551 --> 01:08:17,677
and build greater.'

951
01:08:18,261 --> 01:08:19,558
[coughing]

952
01:08:19,637 --> 01:08:21,560
And I will say to my soul,

953
01:08:21,639 --> 01:08:25,143
'take thine ease, eat, drink,
and be merry.'

954
01:08:25,643 --> 01:08:27,316
But God said unto his disciples,

955
01:08:27,395 --> 01:08:28,863
'take no thought for your life,

956
01:08:29,522 --> 01:08:30,739
what ye shall eat.'

957
01:08:33,192 --> 01:08:36,287
Neither for the body,
what ye shall put on.

958
01:08:38,906 --> 01:08:41,079
The life is more than meat,

959
01:08:42,493 --> 01:08:45,167
and the body is more than raiment."

960
01:08:46,080 --> 01:08:48,879
Thus ends the reading of the Lord.
Praise be God.

961
01:08:49,667 --> 01:08:51,214
When did he come back?

962
01:08:51,294 --> 01:08:53,547
Well, he was out most of Friday.

963
01:08:54,172 --> 01:08:55,799
So he went to Albany for his checkup?

964
01:08:55,882 --> 01:08:58,431
I asked him, but he didn't
give me any details.

965
01:08:58,843 --> 01:08:59,765
You know how he is.

966
01:09:00,762 --> 01:09:02,184
Perhaps I can check.

967
01:09:02,263 --> 01:09:04,482
- Esther.
- It's just--

968
01:09:04,557 --> 01:09:07,151
I know. I know.

969
01:09:11,189 --> 01:09:13,908
- Okay, all right. Bye.
- See you.

970
01:09:26,496 --> 01:09:27,088
We'd like to do a gastroscopic exam.

971
01:09:27,080 --> 01:09:27,171
We'd like to do a gastroscopic exam.

972
01:09:27,163 --> 01:09:29,086
We'd like to do a gastroscopic exam.

973
01:09:29,165 --> 01:09:32,465
We lower a fiber optic camera
down the throat and esophagus

974
01:09:32,543 --> 01:09:33,465
and take a look around.

975
01:09:33,544 --> 01:09:35,512
It's an outpatient procedure,
local anesthetic.

976
01:09:35,588 --> 01:09:37,261
You should be able
to leave by midafternoon.

977
01:09:37,340 --> 01:09:39,308
Still, that doesn't--
that doesn't sound too good.

978
01:09:39,384 --> 01:09:42,308
Well, we'd like to check
for evidence of malignancy.

979
01:09:42,387 --> 01:09:43,309
Cancer.

980
01:09:44,347 --> 01:09:47,100
Cancer's not the fearsome
medical foe it once was.

981
01:09:47,809 --> 01:09:48,731
Mm-hmm.

982
01:09:51,479 --> 01:09:53,607
What's the treatment for that?

983
01:09:55,066 --> 01:09:57,785
It depends on how far advanced
the tumor is.

984
01:09:58,861 --> 01:09:59,783
But?

985
01:10:00,029 --> 01:10:02,077
You stated you've been
experiencing discomfort.

986
01:10:02,782 --> 01:10:03,704
Uh-huh.

987
01:10:04,117 --> 01:10:05,539
- Yeah.
- Six months?

988
01:10:07,370 --> 01:10:11,170
Well, diet, medication,
chemo, even surgery.

989
01:10:11,249 --> 01:10:13,377
We have a variety of diagnostic tools.

990
01:10:14,043 --> 01:10:15,215
Have you had any bloody stools?

991
01:10:20,717 --> 01:10:21,639
Recently?

992
01:10:24,721 --> 01:10:28,191
Okay. I'd like to schedule
the gastroscopy as soon as possible.

993
01:10:28,266 --> 01:10:31,770
We have an open slot week after next.

994
01:10:32,812 --> 01:10:33,734
Okay.

995
01:10:34,105 --> 01:10:35,027
What's your diet?

996
01:10:35,732 --> 01:10:37,029
My diet? Um...

997
01:10:38,067 --> 01:10:39,159
I'm hungry, I eat.

998
01:10:39,235 --> 01:10:40,612
- Smoke?
- No.

999
01:10:40,695 --> 01:10:41,617
Drink?

1000
01:10:43,072 --> 01:10:44,870
Mmm, in moderation.

1001
01:10:44,949 --> 01:10:45,871
That needs to end.

1002
01:10:46,617 --> 01:10:49,086
I'm gonna call in a prescription to help
with the stomach pain.

1003
01:10:49,162 --> 01:10:51,381
And I want you to take
nutritional supplements.

1004
01:10:52,373 --> 01:10:53,295
Okay.

1005
01:10:54,292 --> 01:10:55,464
Are you in pain now?

1006
01:10:56,919 --> 01:10:58,045
No, I feel good.

1007
01:11:00,298 --> 01:11:04,223
We tend to think that anxiety and worry

1008
01:11:04,302 --> 01:11:08,057
are simply an indication
of how wise we are,

1009
01:11:08,681 --> 01:11:10,558
yet it is a much better indication

1010
01:11:10,641 --> 01:11:12,484
of how wicked we are.

1011
01:11:13,352 --> 01:11:18,609
Fretting arises from our determination
to have our own way.

1012
01:11:19,650 --> 01:11:21,573
Our Lord never worried

1013
01:11:22,195 --> 01:11:23,697
and was never anxious.

1014
01:11:25,364 --> 01:11:27,037
- I'll be back in a bit.
- Because His purpose

1015
01:11:27,116 --> 01:11:30,996
was to accomplish not His own plans...

1016
01:11:35,833 --> 01:11:38,006
- Reverend?
- Hi, Esther.

1017
01:11:38,085 --> 01:11:39,962
[Esther] I didn't know you were coming.

1018
01:11:40,046 --> 01:11:41,093
Well, Joel's office called.

1019
01:11:41,172 --> 01:11:43,140
They want to talk to me about
the reconsecration program.

1020
01:11:43,216 --> 01:11:44,217
Did they talk to you'?

1021
01:11:44,884 --> 01:11:46,431
I'll be at First Reformed.

1022
01:11:46,511 --> 01:11:47,433
And Stanley will be

1023
01:11:47,512 --> 01:11:49,059
with the full choir here
for the simulcast.

1024
01:11:49,138 --> 01:11:50,264
Mm-hmm, nice.

1025
01:11:50,348 --> 01:11:51,691
The acoustics will be wonderful.

1026
01:11:51,766 --> 01:11:52,688
- I mean--
- Stop.

1027
01:11:52,767 --> 01:11:53,939
Really wonderful.

1028
01:11:54,769 --> 01:11:56,021
Did you hear from Albany?

1029
01:11:56,103 --> 01:11:58,105
- Yeah, I did.
- Well, what did they say?

1030
01:11:58,189 --> 01:12:00,908
- Nothing, just some more tests.
- A gastroscopy.

1031
01:12:03,152 --> 01:12:04,074
And you know this how?

1032
01:12:05,655 --> 01:12:06,497
I called.

1033
01:12:06,572 --> 01:12:09,371
- I'm worried about you.
- Leave me alone!

1034
01:12:11,077 --> 01:12:13,580
- I just want to try--
- I know what you want!

1035
01:12:13,663 --> 01:12:17,839
All right, and I cannot bear your concern,
your constant hovering, your neediness.

1036
01:12:17,917 --> 01:12:20,386
You-- you're a constant reminder

1037
01:12:20,461 --> 01:12:23,385
of my own personal
inadequacies and failings.

1038
01:12:23,464 --> 01:12:27,139
You want something that never
was and never will be.

1039
01:12:28,052 --> 01:12:30,225
- Don't make me do this, 'cause I--
- Esther, Esther, Esther.

1040
01:12:30,555 --> 01:12:32,307
Pull yourself together, okay?

1041
01:12:32,390 --> 01:12:34,142
- You don't take care of yourself.
- Look at yourself.

1042
01:12:35,351 --> 01:12:36,273
I despise you.

1043
01:12:37,812 --> 01:12:40,156
I despise what you bring out in me.

1044
01:12:40,898 --> 01:12:42,366
Your concerns are petty.

1045
01:12:43,359 --> 01:12:45,202
You are a stumbling block.

1046
01:12:58,291 --> 01:12:59,759
[Toiler] I suddenly feel much better.

1047
01:13:00,459 --> 01:13:05,340
I awoke early, clearheaded,
and immediately set about my daily tasks.

1048
01:13:15,850 --> 01:13:16,772
[Spits]

1049
01:13:19,562 --> 01:13:20,484
[water running]

1050
01:13:22,940 --> 01:13:24,738
Iwater Stops]
'[spits]

1051
01:13:44,003 --> 01:13:45,220
[low ambient music playing]

1052
01:14:43,688 --> 01:14:44,735
[music distorting]

1053
01:14:54,407 --> 01:14:56,580
-[keyboard clicking]
-[sighs]

1054
01:15:24,103 --> 01:15:25,025
[keyboard clicks]

1055
01:15:37,783 --> 01:15:38,705
[sighs]

1056
01:15:58,929 --> 01:15:59,896
[distortion continues]

1057
01:16:24,955 --> 01:16:26,172
[Toiler] "The nations raged"...

1058
01:16:26,707 --> 01:16:28,584
[coughs]

1059
01:16:28,667 --> 01:16:29,964
[Toiler] "But your wrath came

1060
01:16:31,462 --> 01:16:33,715
and the time for the dead to be judged.

1061
01:16:36,634 --> 01:16:39,478
And for rewarding your servants
and prophets and saints

1062
01:16:40,805 --> 01:16:42,603
and for those who fear your name

1063
01:16:43,516 --> 01:16:44,768
both small and great.

1064
01:16:47,520 --> 01:16:50,364
And for destroying
the destroyers of the earth."

1065
01:16:54,819 --> 01:16:57,368
Revelations 11:18.

1066
01:17:22,304 --> 01:17:24,306
[Toiler] I have removed
the previous pages.

1067
01:17:24,390 --> 01:17:25,858
They were written in delirium.

1068
01:17:27,226 --> 01:17:29,320
But I am determined to continue.

1069
01:17:31,522 --> 01:17:33,991
It's hard to struggle against torpor.

1070
01:17:35,234 --> 01:17:36,531
I must set pen to paper.

1071
01:17:53,043 --> 01:17:54,215
[knocking on door]

1072
01:17:59,800 --> 01:18:00,722
[quietly] Shit.

1073
01:18:05,514 --> 01:18:06,436
[sighs]

1074
01:18:15,774 --> 01:18:18,243
-[Toiler] Oh, hey, Mary.
-[Mary] Hi. Can I come in?

1075
01:18:18,319 --> 01:18:20,196
[Toiler] Yeah, of course.
Come on in. Come on, come on.

1076
01:18:20,279 --> 01:18:22,577
Come in. Do you need anything?

1077
01:18:22,656 --> 01:18:24,454
Do you want-- can I take your coat?

1078
01:18:24,533 --> 01:18:26,752
- Yeah.
- Hey, are you all right?

1079
01:18:27,578 --> 01:18:30,707
- Um...
- Let me get this.

1080
01:18:30,789 --> 01:18:31,836
No.

1081
01:18:35,211 --> 01:18:37,509
I'm just-- I'm really frightened.

1082
01:18:37,588 --> 01:18:39,181
I'm, like, I'm frightened of everything.

1083
01:18:42,551 --> 01:18:45,930
I woke up and my heart was pounding
and I thought, like, the roof,

1084
01:18:46,013 --> 01:18:47,936
the ceiling, was just gonna fall in.

1085
01:18:49,350 --> 01:18:51,978
- So I had to get out.
- Yeah...

1086
01:18:52,061 --> 01:18:54,029
And I just drove around and I...

1087
01:18:54,855 --> 01:18:57,108
I didn't put any makeup on. Sorry.

1088
01:18:57,191 --> 01:18:58,192
I'm glad you came.

1089
01:18:58,817 --> 01:19:01,946
Do you want some water or some tea--

1090
01:19:02,029 --> 01:19:02,951
Without warning...

1091
01:19:05,199 --> 01:19:07,122
this dark curtain just fell.

1092
01:19:08,202 --> 01:19:11,001
I'm scared of everything.

1093
01:19:11,080 --> 01:19:12,627
Well, you did the right thing coming here.

1094
01:19:12,706 --> 01:19:14,049
I just can't stop my thoughts.

1095
01:19:14,124 --> 01:19:16,172
They just keep going on and on.

1096
01:19:16,252 --> 01:19:17,378
They repeat and repeat.

1097
01:19:19,046 --> 01:19:20,969
Did this ever happen
before Michael's death?

1098
01:19:22,675 --> 01:19:23,597
A little.

1099
01:19:24,802 --> 01:19:26,145
Yeah, not like this, though.

1100
01:19:27,763 --> 01:19:30,061
I read online that they used to believe

1101
01:19:30,140 --> 01:19:32,609
that pregnancy made you happy,
but now they feel like

1102
01:19:32,685 --> 01:19:34,608
it just makes your feelings more extreme.

1103
01:19:38,565 --> 01:19:39,487
Michael...

1104
01:19:41,944 --> 01:19:43,992
he was just really strong.

1105
01:19:44,488 --> 01:19:45,410
How so?

1106
01:19:49,034 --> 01:19:51,207
Um, he listened. He was kind.

1107
01:19:53,914 --> 01:19:57,088
We used to do this thing
called the magical mystery tour.

1108
01:19:58,252 --> 01:20:00,721
It sounds silly, but, um...

1109
01:20:01,839 --> 01:20:03,557
we would share a joint

1110
01:20:04,591 --> 01:20:07,060
and lay on top
of each other fully clothed.

1111
01:20:08,929 --> 01:20:11,773
We would try to get as much
body to body contact as possible.

1112
01:20:12,975 --> 01:20:14,352
We'd have our hands out and...

1113
01:20:15,769 --> 01:20:18,113
we would just look straight
into each other's eyes

1114
01:20:19,148 --> 01:20:23,028
and move them in unison,
like, right, left, right, left.

1115
01:20:23,110 --> 01:20:25,829
And then we would breathe in rhythm.

1116
01:20:32,870 --> 01:20:34,122
You want me to do this?

1117
01:20:36,957 --> 01:20:39,210
No. I didn't mean that.

1118
01:20:41,170 --> 01:20:43,047
- All right.
- I mean, I...

1119
01:20:46,008 --> 01:20:49,478
Yeah. I mean, yeah. I guess,
I-- yeah, I guess I did.

1120
01:20:50,596 --> 01:20:51,518
Okay.

1121
01:20:52,431 --> 01:20:53,557
Uh, show me.

1122
01:20:54,391 --> 01:20:57,816
Well... you lay on your back

1123
01:20:57,895 --> 01:21:00,114
and with your arms
and your legs stretched out.

1124
01:21:00,731 --> 01:21:01,732
Do we need music?

1125
01:21:02,608 --> 01:21:04,326
No, we just listen to the breaths.

1126
01:21:05,652 --> 01:21:08,121
Just... lie down?

1127
01:21:09,156 --> 01:21:11,534
Yeah. And then, yeah.

1128
01:21:21,418 --> 01:21:23,420
[both breathing deeply]

1129
01:22:32,448 --> 01:22:33,995
[low ambient music playing]

1130
01:23:10,444 --> 01:23:11,696
[music continues]

1131
01:24:08,460 --> 01:24:10,462
[horns honking]

1132
01:25:02,097 --> 01:25:03,223
[music continues]

1133
01:25:25,746 --> 01:25:27,248
[Toiler] Go, go, go!
Come on, come on, come on!

1134
01:25:27,331 --> 01:25:29,459
- There you go, you got it.
- Come on, Benny. Come on, Benny.

1135
01:25:29,541 --> 01:25:32,920
Okay, guys, let's all get seated
in the first pew right here.

1136
01:25:33,003 --> 01:25:34,050
All the way down.

1137
01:25:38,884 --> 01:25:39,976
All right, good job, guys.

1138
01:25:40,052 --> 01:25:43,602
Okay, so last week,
we read The Patchwork Path

1139
01:25:43,680 --> 01:25:46,809
about the Underground Railroad,
which was not a railroad, but...

1140
01:25:47,934 --> 01:25:50,278
- Rosa?
- It was a slave trail.

1141
01:25:50,687 --> 01:25:53,361
It was an escape route
from the South to the North.

1142
01:25:53,440 --> 01:25:57,616
And this church, First Reformed,
was one of the stops on that route.

1143
01:25:57,694 --> 01:25:58,616
Reverend Toiler?

1144
01:25:58,695 --> 01:26:01,744
Yeah. Slaves fleeing north to Canada

1145
01:26:01,823 --> 01:26:05,544
were often helped, fed, hidden
by homes and churches

1146
01:26:05,619 --> 01:26:06,711
along this route.

1147
01:26:06,787 --> 01:26:10,462
Calvin Verlander was the dominee,
the minister here at First Reformed.

1148
01:26:10,540 --> 01:26:12,668
And he was very active
in the Abolitionist Movement.

1149
01:26:13,251 --> 01:26:14,173
He assisted in--

1150
01:26:15,045 --> 01:26:17,139
No, Ms. Surya, let me try this.

1151
01:26:17,214 --> 01:26:18,761
Why don't you all stand up for a second?

1152
01:26:18,840 --> 01:26:19,841
Take a look right here.

1153
01:26:19,925 --> 01:26:22,303
Do you see one part of wood
that seems different

1154
01:26:22,386 --> 01:26:23,933
-than the other part of the wood?
-[all] Yeah!

1155
01:26:24,137 --> 01:26:25,764
You all see that, don't you?

1156
01:26:25,847 --> 01:26:27,064
But does this seem a little bit

1157
01:26:27,140 --> 01:26:29,484
-like a secret door, hmm?
-[all] Yes.

1158
01:26:29,559 --> 01:26:31,482
- Yeah, what's your name?
- Benny.

1159
01:26:31,561 --> 01:26:32,608
Benny, will you give me a hand?

1160
01:26:32,688 --> 01:26:33,905
- Come on over here.
- Mm-hmm.

1161
01:26:33,980 --> 01:26:35,982
You see, there used to be a pew over this.

1162
01:26:36,066 --> 01:26:38,194
And they would move it
and then they would lift this up.

1163
01:26:38,276 --> 01:26:39,198
Can you do it? Help me.

1164
01:26:41,154 --> 01:26:44,328
Yes! Oh! Come around, everybody.

1165
01:26:44,408 --> 01:26:45,330
Can you hold this up?

1166
01:26:45,409 --> 01:26:47,537
Slaves would hide in here.
Sometimes whole families.

1167
01:26:47,619 --> 01:26:49,462
Be really careful. All right.

1168
01:26:50,205 --> 01:26:51,331
Can you imagine that?

1169
01:26:52,499 --> 01:26:53,421
In the dark.

1170
01:26:54,167 --> 01:26:55,384
The air hot,

1171
01:26:56,294 --> 01:26:57,170
shaking with fear.

1172
01:26:57,254 --> 01:27:00,098
The sound of the slave hunter's
horses outside.

1173
01:27:00,882 --> 01:27:02,976
On their knees,
holding each other's hands,

1174
01:27:03,051 --> 01:27:04,598
praying for God to save them?

1175
01:27:11,393 --> 01:27:13,487
[Toiler] Do you want me to pack up
anything here in the kitchen?

1176
01:27:13,562 --> 01:27:16,065
[Mary] No, I can get it later. Thanks.

1177
01:27:20,736 --> 01:27:22,238
I'd love to meet your sister sometime.

1178
01:27:24,239 --> 01:27:26,241
- You wanna come to Buffalo?
- If I'm invited, I'd love to.

1179
01:27:26,324 --> 01:27:28,201
- You gonna visit me?
- I would, yeah!

1180
01:27:28,702 --> 01:27:29,919
I'd love to meet Michael, Jr.

1181
01:27:31,121 --> 01:27:32,714
You've been such a help to me.

1182
01:27:33,832 --> 01:27:37,177
My great-grandfather
was a pastor in Muskegon, Michigan.

1183
01:27:37,252 --> 01:27:38,253
The Saint of God.

1184
01:27:38,962 --> 01:27:41,681
And the bank in town
was a two-story building,

1185
01:27:41,757 --> 01:27:43,350
the first building to have an elevator.

1186
01:27:44,134 --> 01:27:45,135
And one Monday,

1187
01:27:46,344 --> 01:27:48,767
Granddad got the boys all together

1188
01:27:48,847 --> 01:27:51,270
and they went into town
to deposit church funds,

1189
01:27:51,892 --> 01:27:53,018
as they did every Monday.

1190
01:27:53,101 --> 01:27:54,853
And they needed to go talk
to the managers.

1191
01:27:54,936 --> 01:27:57,439
They got on the elevator
and he had a heart attack.

1192
01:27:59,608 --> 01:28:01,781
And he took off his hat.

1193
01:28:01,860 --> 01:28:03,157
Apparently, he always wore a hat.

1194
01:28:03,236 --> 01:28:03,611
And he took off his hat and he said,

1195
01:28:03,612 --> 01:28:03,703
And he took off his hat and he said,

1196
01:28:03,695 --> 01:28:04,912
And he took off his hat and he said,

1197
01:28:04,988 --> 01:28:09,835
"Boys, take off my shoes.
I'm standing on holy ground."

1198
01:28:11,411 --> 01:28:12,333
And then he died.

1199
01:28:13,747 --> 01:28:15,715
Somewhere between
the first and second floor.

1200
01:28:18,502 --> 01:28:21,972
Yeah, I think about that story
when I think about Michael.

1201
01:28:24,758 --> 01:28:27,477
'Cause I believe he was standing
on holy ground when he died.

1202
01:28:39,940 --> 01:28:40,862
Thank you.

1203
01:28:42,400 --> 01:28:44,073
So I'll see you in Buffalo?

1204
01:28:44,778 --> 01:28:46,997
I think I'm gonna go
to the reconsecration.

1205
01:28:48,490 --> 01:28:50,663
Oh. No, you don't need to do that.

1206
01:28:51,201 --> 01:28:53,203
- But I want to.
- Yeah, but it's not necessary.

1207
01:28:53,954 --> 01:28:56,332
Yeah, but you've been there for me
and I want to be there for you.

1208
01:28:56,414 --> 01:28:58,667
It's very nice of you to offer,

1209
01:28:58,750 --> 01:29:01,720
but it's just a bunch of rich guys
patting each other on the back.

1210
01:29:01,795 --> 01:29:03,468
- But you're gonna be there.
- But I have to be there.

1211
01:29:03,547 --> 01:29:05,641
- So I'm gonna go.
- Please don't come.

1212
01:29:06,800 --> 01:29:08,017
Okay? I don't want you to come.

1213
01:29:08,885 --> 01:29:09,807
You understand?

1214
01:29:12,514 --> 01:29:13,436
Okay.

1215
01:29:15,934 --> 01:29:17,686
Right. Have a nice evening.

1216
01:29:25,986 --> 01:29:26,908
[door closes]

1217
01:29:46,631 --> 01:29:49,601
[Toiler] "Be strong in the Lord
and in His mighty power.

1218
01:29:50,886 --> 01:29:54,186
Put on the full armor of God

1219
01:29:54,264 --> 01:29:58,770
so that you can take your stand
against the devil's schemes.

1220
01:29:58,852 --> 01:30:01,901
For our struggle is not
against flesh and blood

1221
01:30:04,024 --> 01:30:07,904
but against the rulers,
against the authorities,

1222
01:30:08,820 --> 01:30:11,790
against the powers of this dark world."

1223
01:30:15,160 --> 01:30:16,252
[low ambient music playing]

1224
01:30:50,779 --> 01:30:56,127
Balq Home Products,
makers of paper goods, fertilizers,

1225
01:30:57,202 --> 01:31:00,001
everyday items for the household,

1226
01:31:00,080 --> 01:31:02,503
was among the first companies

1227
01:31:02,582 --> 01:31:07,258
to realize the need
to address environmental concerns.

1228
01:31:07,754 --> 01:31:10,098
Sir? Are you joining us?

1229
01:31:11,383 --> 01:31:15,980
This unit makes
recyclable plastic markers.

1230
01:31:16,388 --> 01:31:20,564
Balq has facilities
or production arrangements

1231
01:31:20,642 --> 01:31:24,488
with 18 countries around the world.

1232
01:31:31,736 --> 01:31:34,535
[Toiler] Today, I stopped.
I had Miso and fish.

1233
01:31:38,827 --> 01:31:40,420
Such simple pleasures.

1234
01:31:43,790 --> 01:31:45,417
Why do we deny ourselves?

1235
01:31:48,545 --> 01:31:50,547
[men laughing]

1236
01:31:58,513 --> 01:31:59,480
[music continues]

1237
01:32:26,708 --> 01:32:27,960
[music continues]

1238
01:32:40,180 --> 01:32:44,105
[Toiler] Every act of preservation
is an act of creation.

1239
01:32:44,768 --> 01:32:47,237
Everything preserved renews creation.

1240
01:32:48,354 --> 01:32:50,482
It's how we participate in creation.

1241
01:33:40,365 --> 01:33:42,413
[Toiler] I have found
another form of prayer.

1242
01:34:01,219 --> 01:34:02,687
[knocking on door]

1243
01:34:02,762 --> 01:34:04,014
- Reverend Toiler, come on in.
-[Toiler] Hey.

1244
01:34:04,848 --> 01:34:05,974
Close the door.

1245
01:34:07,642 --> 01:34:08,689
Why don't you take a seat?

1246
01:34:12,814 --> 01:34:14,191
We're concerned about you.

1247
01:34:15,400 --> 01:34:16,322
Who is?

1248
01:34:16,776 --> 01:34:17,698
How's your health?

1249
01:34:20,238 --> 01:34:21,581
Well, I'm having some tests.

1250
01:34:22,615 --> 01:34:24,743
Hmm? Have you gotten your results?

1251
01:34:24,826 --> 01:34:25,748
No. No.

1252
01:34:26,870 --> 01:34:28,042
What about your diet?

1253
01:34:28,621 --> 01:34:30,874
You know, I'm gonna be honest,
you just don't look so good.

1254
01:34:32,208 --> 01:34:33,130
I've had some...

1255
01:34:34,836 --> 01:34:36,088
some stomach issues.

1256
01:34:38,089 --> 01:34:39,887
And I understand you've been drinking.

1257
01:34:41,759 --> 01:34:44,308
Hm. What? [chuckles]

1258
01:34:45,221 --> 01:34:46,689
It's just a little wine with dinner.

1259
01:34:46,764 --> 01:34:48,186
- Wine?
- Yeah, yeah.

1260
01:34:49,893 --> 01:34:50,815
Well...

1261
01:34:51,895 --> 01:34:55,490
that's not recommended
for someone who has stomach problems.

1262
01:34:55,565 --> 01:34:56,817
I understand, all right?

1263
01:34:56,900 --> 01:34:58,573
I'll start taking better care of myself.

1264
01:34:59,777 --> 01:35:01,199
You're always in the Garden.

1265
01:35:02,155 --> 01:35:05,580
Even Jesus wasn't always in the Garden

1266
01:35:05,658 --> 01:35:07,331
on his knees, sweating blood.

1267
01:35:08,244 --> 01:35:09,336
He was on the mount.

1268
01:35:09,996 --> 01:35:13,500
He was in the marketplace.
He was in the temple.

1269
01:35:13,583 --> 01:35:16,803
But you, you're always in the Garden.

1270
01:35:16,878 --> 01:35:19,882
For you, every hour is the darkest hour.

1271
01:35:20,590 --> 01:35:23,093
I wasn't aware that I had offended.

1272
01:35:24,219 --> 01:35:25,892
[Jeffers]
Jesus doesn't want our suffering.

1273
01:35:25,970 --> 01:35:27,643
- He suffered for us.
- Mmm-mmm.

1274
01:35:28,223 --> 01:35:31,648
[Jeffers] He wants our commitment
and our obedience.

1275
01:35:31,726 --> 01:35:32,978
And what of His creation?

1276
01:35:33,561 --> 01:35:35,404
The Heavens declare the glory of God.

1277
01:35:35,480 --> 01:35:36,823
God is present everywhere,

1278
01:35:36,898 --> 01:35:41,244
in every plant, every river,
every tiny insect.

1279
01:35:41,319 --> 01:35:45,369
The whole world is a manifestation
of his holy presence.

1280
01:35:45,448 --> 01:35:48,793
I think this is an issue
where the church can lead.

1281
01:35:48,868 --> 01:35:50,666
But they say nothing.

1282
01:35:50,745 --> 01:35:51,746
The--

1283
01:35:53,331 --> 01:35:55,800
the U.S. Congress
still denies climate change?

1284
01:35:57,210 --> 01:35:59,633
Where were we
when these people were elected?

1285
01:36:00,255 --> 01:36:03,759
The-- we know who spoke
for big business. Right?

1286
01:36:03,841 --> 01:36:05,559
But who spoke for God?

1287
01:36:08,304 --> 01:36:13,606
"The creation waits in eager expectation
of liberation from bondage."

1288
01:36:15,937 --> 01:36:18,611
That's Romans 8:23. You understand?

1289
01:36:19,983 --> 01:36:22,657
So we should pollute so God can restore?

1290
01:36:23,069 --> 01:36:25,413
We should sin so God can forgive?

1291
01:36:25,488 --> 01:36:27,707
I don't think
that's what the apostle meant.

1292
01:36:27,782 --> 01:36:29,284
I think we're supposed to look

1293
01:36:29,367 --> 01:36:32,211
with the eyes of Jesus into every living--

1294
01:36:32,287 --> 01:36:33,709
You don't live in the real world.

1295
01:36:33,788 --> 01:36:35,210
- You don't.

1296
01:36:35,290 --> 01:36:38,840
You are a minister
at a tourist church that no one attends.

1297
01:36:38,918 --> 01:36:42,388
Do you have any idea what
it takes to do God's work?

1298
01:36:42,463 --> 01:36:46,684
- I'm trying to--
- To maintain a mission of this size?

1299
01:36:46,759 --> 01:36:49,137
The staffing, the outreach,

1300
01:36:49,220 --> 01:36:51,473
the amount of people
that we touch each day.

1301
01:36:52,807 --> 01:36:54,809
Who's that priest that you like so much?

1302
01:36:56,102 --> 01:36:57,820
- Thomas Merton?
- Thomas Merton.

1303
01:36:57,895 --> 01:36:59,772
- He didn't live in the real world either.
- Yes, he did!

1304
01:36:59,856 --> 01:37:01,278
- No. He was a monk who lived...
- He would--

1305
01:37:01,357 --> 01:37:03,951
...in a monastery in Kentucky
and wrote books!

1306
01:37:04,027 --> 01:37:06,029
Well, somebody has to do something!

1307
01:37:06,446 --> 01:37:08,323
It's the earth that hangs in the balance.

1308
01:37:08,406 --> 01:37:11,626
Well what if this is His plan?
What if we just can't see it?

1309
01:37:11,701 --> 01:37:14,079
You think God wants
to destroy His creation?

1310
01:37:14,162 --> 01:37:18,338
He did once. For 40 days and 4O nights.

1311
01:37:26,299 --> 01:37:30,145
Look, Abundant Life, we're with you.

1312
01:37:30,219 --> 01:37:31,391
Okay, we care.

1313
01:37:32,472 --> 01:37:33,473
We do.

1314
01:37:33,556 --> 01:37:38,813
And I know this is a hard time for you,
but we're gonna help you with that.

1315
01:37:39,979 --> 01:37:42,448
Once we get through
the reconsecration service,

1316
01:37:42,523 --> 01:37:44,446
you need to go to rehab.

1317
01:37:45,026 --> 01:37:47,996
You need to go check yourself
into a medical institution.

1318
01:37:48,905 --> 01:37:53,752
All right, maybe go to Nicaragua
and preach the gospel or build houses

1319
01:37:53,826 --> 01:37:56,295
but do something in the real world.

1320
01:37:56,954 --> 01:37:59,753
And if you can't do the ceremony,
I'll understand that.

1321
01:37:59,832 --> 01:38:01,709
You're expected to be there, but look,

1322
01:38:01,793 --> 01:38:03,420
we can just say that
you were sick, which is true.

1323
01:38:03,503 --> 01:38:05,926
No, it's not--
it's not about the ceremony.

1324
01:38:06,005 --> 01:38:07,382
All right? I can-- I will--

1325
01:38:07,465 --> 01:38:09,467
I want to be there. I have to be there.

1326
01:38:09,550 --> 01:38:12,144
It's my church. It's 250 years.

1327
01:38:12,220 --> 01:38:15,019
I want to be there.
I want to introduce you. Please?

1328
01:38:17,433 --> 01:38:21,654
Well, Ed Balq has decided
that he would like to make comments,

1329
01:38:21,729 --> 01:38:23,356
so the governor will introduce him.

1330
01:38:23,981 --> 01:38:25,608
- Will that be a problem?
- Not at all.

1331
01:38:26,818 --> 01:38:27,740
Not at all.

1332
01:38:28,528 --> 01:38:30,121
Well, good. Good.

1333
01:38:32,031 --> 01:38:34,454
Listen, we'll get
through this reconsecration.

1334
01:38:34,534 --> 01:38:35,911
It'll be special.

1335
01:38:36,702 --> 01:38:39,421
And then we'll deal
with these other issues.

1336
01:38:45,086 --> 01:38:46,133
Thank you.

1337
01:38:58,891 --> 01:38:59,983
[alarm ringing]

1338
01:39:00,059 --> 01:39:01,436
[low ambient music playing]

1339
01:39:29,672 --> 01:39:30,673
[sighs]

1340
01:39:42,852 --> 01:39:43,853
Thanks.

1341
01:39:54,822 --> 01:39:57,041
-[light music playing]
-[chatter]

1342
01:40:56,592 --> 01:40:59,971
-[chatter]
-[organ playing]

1343
01:41:49,520 --> 01:41:50,442
[sniffs]

1344
01:42:33,564 --> 01:42:34,656
[organ playing]

1345
01:42:42,198 --> 01:42:45,543
- Where is Reverend Toiler?
- I'm not sure, ma'am. Inside.

1346
01:43:12,103 --> 01:43:14,947
[muffled scream]

1347
01:43:15,022 --> 01:43:16,899
[organ playing]

1348
01:43:26,492 --> 01:43:28,494
[chatter]

1349
01:43:47,972 --> 01:43:49,189
[snarls]

1350
01:43:50,641 --> 01:43:51,858
[breathing heavily]

1351
01:43:57,273 --> 01:43:58,525
[organ playing]

1352
01:44:12,288 --> 01:44:13,414
- Have you seen him?
- No.

1353
01:44:27,011 --> 01:44:28,513
- Where is he?
- I don't know.

1354
01:44:29,013 --> 01:44:30,105
[sighs]

1355
01:44:41,692 --> 01:44:42,784
Toiler!

1356
01:44:45,321 --> 01:44:47,790
-[knocking on door]
-[Jeffers] Toiler, you in there?

1357
01:45:13,641 --> 01:45:14,813
[Jeffers] Begin the service.

1358
01:45:23,234 --> 01:45:24,326
[grunting]

1359
01:45:38,207 --> 01:45:39,504
[gasping]

1360
01:45:40,918 --> 01:45:42,920
[singing "Leaning on the Everlasting Arms"
By Elisha Hoffman]

1361
01:45:43,003 --> 01:45:47,099
♪ What a fellowship a'

1362
01:45:47,174 --> 01:45:51,520
♪ What a joy divine 4'

1363
01:45:51,595 --> 01:45:58,274
♪ Leaning on the everlasting arms a'

1364
01:45:59,603 --> 01:46:03,983
♪ What a blessedness I'

1365
01:46:04,066 --> 01:46:08,242
♪ What a peace is mine a'

1366
01:46:08,320 --> 01:46:14,953
♪ Leaning on the everlasting arms a'

1367
01:46:16,328 --> 01:46:20,083
♪ Leaning a'

1368
01:46:20,165 --> 01:46:23,044
♪ Leaning a'

1369
01:46:23,544 --> 01:46:26,798
♪ Safe and secure I'

1370
01:46:26,881 --> 01:46:31,853
♪ From all alarms I'

1371
01:46:31,927 --> 01:46:35,807
♪ Leaning a'

1372
01:46:35,890 --> 01:46:39,611
♪ Leaning a'

1373
01:46:39,685 --> 01:46:45,988
♪ Leaning on the everlasting arms a'

1374
01:46:47,610 --> 01:46:51,786
♪ Oh, how to sweet to walk a'

1375
01:46:51,864 --> 01:46:55,585
♪ In this pilgrim way a'

1376
01:46:56,076 --> 01:47:02,709
♪ Leaning on the everlasting arms a'

1377
01:47:04,043 --> 01:47:08,093
♪ Oh, how bright the path a'

1378
01:47:08,172 --> 01:47:12,302
♪ Grows from day-to-day 4'

1379
01:47:12,384 --> 01:47:18,938
♪ Leaning on the everlasting arms a'

1380
01:47:20,392 --> 01:47:24,113
♪ Leaning a'

1381
01:47:24,188 --> 01:47:27,237
♪ Leaning a'

1382
01:47:28,067 --> 01:47:30,820
♪ Safe and secure I'

1383
01:47:30,903 --> 01:47:36,000
♪ From all alarms I'

1384
01:47:36,075 --> 01:47:39,796
♪ Leaning a'

1385
01:47:39,870 --> 01:47:43,625
♪ Leaning a'

1386
01:47:43,707 --> 01:47:50,135
♪ Leaning on the everlasting arms a'

1387
01:47:51,632 --> 01:47:55,603
♪ What have I to dread a'

1388
01:47:55,678 --> 01:47:59,774
♪ What have I to fear a'

1389
01:47:59,848 --> 01:48:02,601
♪ Leaning on... a'

1390
01:48:03,602 --> 01:48:04,524
Ernst?

1391
01:48:07,606 --> 01:48:11,452
♪ ...l have blessed peace a'

1392
01:48:11,527 --> 01:48:14,952
♪ With my Lord so near a'

1393
01:48:15,614 --> 01:48:21,872
♪ Leaning on the everlasting arms a'

1394
01:48:23,205 --> 01:48:26,926
♪ Leaning a'

1395
01:48:27,001 --> 01:48:30,426
♪ Leaning a'

1396
01:48:30,504 --> 01:48:33,599
♪ Safe and secure I'

1397
01:48:33,674 --> 01:48:38,475
♪ From all alarms I'

1398
01:48:38,554 --> 01:48:42,184
♪ Leaning a'

1399
01:48:42,266 --> 01:48:45,896
♪ Leaning a'

1400
01:48:45,978 --> 01:48:52,361
♪ Leaning on the everlasting arms a'

1401
01:48:53,694 --> 01:48:56,994
♪ Leaning a'

1402
01:48:57,573 --> 01:49:00,827
♪ Leaning a'

1403
01:49:01,410 --> 01:49:04,380
♪ Leaning on the everlasting arms a'

1404
01:49:04,371 --> 01:49:04,462
♪ Leaning on the everlasting arms a'

1405
01:49:04,455 --> 01:49:08,050
♪ Leaning on the everlasting arms a'

1406
01:49:08,917 --> 01:49:12,797
♪ Leaning a'

1407
01:49:12,880 --> 01:49:14,257
♪ Lean a'

1408
01:49:14,339 --> 01:49:15,261
[song ends]

1409
01:49:23,515 --> 01:49:25,517
[low ambient music playing]

1410
01:52:59,314 --> 01:53:00,736
[music fades]