(Lulz preservation) SCP-1659 Testing Log

**Subject:** Dr. Light

**Statement by SCP-1659:** (chuckles) "Well, I don't even know where to start! After all, you're a woman; anything I say could set you off!"

**Result:** Dr. Light smiled primly, then swiftly rose from her chair and exited the examination room. She was later found in her office attempting to manufacture a new strain of disease which she referred to as "Super-Anthrax". Samples of disease were swiftly confiscated.

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**Subject:** SCP-953

**Statement by SCP-1659:** (SCP-1659 smiles at SCP-953. SCP-953 growls at SCP-1659.)

**SCP-1659:** ...

**SCP-953:** ...

**SCP-1659:** ...Ninetales! You know, you were always one of my favourite Pokemon! Though to be honest, as a kid I always liked Digimon better-

**Result:** SCP-953 proceeded to pounce upon SCP-1659 and attempt to gnaw out his jugular. SCP-1659 rolled away and scurried in circles around the small testing area, evading SCP-953 for a number of minutes until, completely by coincidence, SCP-682 on one of its break-out attempts burst through the wall of the testing facility (trampling over SCP-953 in doing so), through which SCP-1659 escaped, whereupon he hurried to the infirmary for medical treatment.

//NOTE: Re-trial pending. SCP-953 has emphatically refused to engage in dealings with SCP-1659 again.//

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**Subject:** SCP-668

**Statement by SCP-1659:** "Of course, the main word you want to avoid when dealing with anything described as "thirteen inches long" is "compensation"."

**Result:** Though there was no initial change observed, after a few seconds SCP-668 shifted in its position on the table to point at SCP-1659, then began to slowly shuffle point-first towards him. SCP-668 was swiftly returned to containment.

//NOTE: This was the point at which it became clear that SCP-1659's ability extended to objects which were not thought capable of emotional responses, and that there may be a paranormal element to his effect on people.//

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**Subject:** Agent Yoric

**Statement by SCP-1659:** [REDACTED]

**Result:** It is unclear where SCP-1659 managed to obtain a human skull from. --Un--fortunately, it seems that the one he brought in was sufficiently old that it cracked before Yoric could do sufficient damage to his own with it.

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**Subject:** Dr. Clef

**Statement by SCP-1659:** "I'm sorry, I just can't get over how embarrassing it must be that your arch-nemesis is a 9-year-old girl."

**Result:** Control over testing and attempts to decommission SCP-1659 have been, at his insistence, handed over to Dr. Clef.

//NOTE: Given his clearance levels (none) there should be know way for SCP-1659 to know of Clef's dealings with SCP-239. This raises the possibility that SCP-1659's "gift" can extend to granting him knowledge which it should not have been previously possible for him to know. When questioned as to where SCP-1659 learned about the incident with SCP-239, subject shrugged and replied, "you told me to annoy him, so I did." Further testing on this matter required.//

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**Subject:** SCP-162

**Statement by SCP-1659:** (Rather than saying anything, SCP-1659 began humming a tune which was later recognized by researchers as the Katamari Damacy theme song.)

**Result:** When SCP-1659 raised his hands to SCP-162 as though to mime rolling it around, a fishhook on a length of barbed wire shot out and snared his arm, pulling it in so that his hand rested on the surface of the ball. SCP-1659 began making panicked requests to Security Officer ███ to "cut his arm off", with which he swiftly complied. SCP-1659 was then escorted to the infirmary for medical treatment.

//NOTE: "Sorry, guys. I tried to resist, I really did. If you'd'a been there. You'd'a done the same." - Security Officer ███//

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**Subject:** SCP-682

**Statement by SCP-1659:** "So, you and SCP-173! Clash of the titans! How'd that work out?"

**Result:** SCP-682 appeared to enter a heightened state of rage - even more so than usual - and attempted to crush SCP-1659 with its jaws. SCP-1659 banged on the door of the cell, asking to be let out, but strangely the door controls seemed to experience some sort of malfunction for almost eight consecutive minutes. SCP-1659 managed to survive these eight minutes by maneuvering his way onto the back of SCP-682, chanting "Look at me, I'm Dr. Kondraki" as he did so. Due to its enraged state, rather than utilizing the same tactics it did during the Kondraki incident (see "Duke 'Till Dawn" for details) in a bid to dislodge him, SCP-682 merely thrashed about for a while, attempting to buck SCP-1659 off. After eight minutes, the door controls miraculously began working again, and SCP-1659 hopped off and rolled acrobatically out the door, whereupon he was immediately escorted to the infirmary for medical treatment.

//NOTE: "Did you see the kid? He earned it." - Lab Assistant █████████ (who, interestingly, had not had any dealings with SCP-1659 prior to this incident)

NOTE-2: This is the second recorded incident of SCP-1659 possessing knowledge he should have no access to. When questioned as to where he learned about the SCP-083 decommissioning incident (see [http://www.scp-wiki.net/duke-till-dawn decommissioning log 083] - "Duke 'Til Dawn") or the encounter between SCP-682 and SCP-173 (see "[http://www.scp-wiki.net/experiment-log-t-98816-oc108-682 Experiment Log T-98816-OC108/682]"), he replied "You'd like to know, wouldn't you?." When Researcher ████ replied that yes, he would indeed like to know, SCP-1659 responded by sticking out his tongue. Researcher ████ had to be forcibly restrained, and is now on an indefinite leave of absence from the company for stress-related reasons.

NOTE-3: There have been a number of incidents in which SCP-1659 has managed to avoid death in situations wherein it should have been statistically impossible. He is by no means "invulnerable", as has been clearly shown in testing with SCP-162, but he appears to be "luckier" than the average person, in that whatever circumstance he is in, he will somehow against all odds manage to avoid death (though apparently not grievous bodily harm). Testing into the limits of this has been cleared.//

//"Dammit. Guess I'll just have to try harder, then." - Dr. Clef//

(Attempts at decommissioning SCP-1659 can be found catalogued here: [DATA PENDING])

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**Subject:** Dr. Rights

**Statement by SCP-1659:** "Rights, eh? That's an unusual name... like the "right to remain silent? Of course, you'd never exercise that right, being a woman-"

**Result:** As it turns out, Dr. Rights has heard that one before. As it also turns out, it is perfectly possible to gouge a person's tonsils out with one's fingers, provided one's fingernails are sufficiently long enough.

//(A further incident has been recalled by some staff members on SCP-1659's first day working at Site-19. Upon entering the building with a group of other inductees on their way to an orientation, SCP-1659 walked up to the front reception desk and asked to see "the Holder of the End". A number of containment breaches were reported throughout the site, and all escaped SCPs were reported as heading towards the main entrance of the building, even if there were more convenient exits nearby.)//