Planescape: Equestria 9

>It takes a while before you begin to relax again after that ordeal, and even then you’re pretty on edge compared to how serene you were feeling up until everyp0ny arrived and spoiled your morning with Fluttershy.
>Of course, that might not be a bad thing.
>Relaxation is nice and all, but it’s a luxury you can’t afford if it makes you careless enough to fall foul of any more ‘pranks’.
>The more you think about it, the more you wonder if these ponies are some sort of Fey.
>It would fit with the inherent magic that they all seem to have to some extent, as well as their whimsical appearance, their expressiveness and their apparent simplicity belying deeper subtleties.
>And it would definitely fit with what you’ve observed and experienced of their particular brand of playfulness and capricious sense of fun.
>Could this place be a backwater region of Arborea?
>It seems believable.
>Either way, dealing with these ponies like you would deal with the Fey seems like a good way to proceed.
>In other words: enjoy their company, respect their power, expect them to throw the best parties, and don’t ever fucking trust them.
>Your gaze strays to your rucksack leaning up against the wall near the bathtub.
>It doesn’t look disturbed, but considering that Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash were definitely poking around in here with mischievous intent earlier, you feel like you want to be sure.
>As well as its usual contents, you emptied your pockets into the bag before you gave your clothes to Rarity, so it contains pretty everything you own right now.

>Of course, what you own right now is not a whole lot.
>You were playing for high stakes in this last ride, and if Corder has really hit the blinds then you’ve lost pretty much everything.
>Wherever he is, there’s a portable hole there too with about a century’s worth of your accumulated wealth and magical power in it.
>If your guess is right, nobody’s ever going to see any of that again, unless Corder wants to rifle through it to pass the time while he waits for the Lady’s reprieve.
>That’s kind of a prod, obviously, but it’s not the worst thing that could have happened.
>You’re still alive, and you’ve got your freedom.
>You can always find more stuff; it won’t be the first time you’ve started over.
>You’ve learned to stay philosophical about these things.
>You lean out of the bath and grab the backpack to run an inventory, lining your possessions up on the floor by the bath as you take them out.
>A dozen knives, clean and sharp. Check.
>Money pouch, contents scanty. Check.
>Flask, empty. Check.
>Pencils and notebook, half filled with sketches and notes from your travels, doggerel verse, etc. Check; you’re not worried by the prospect of the ponies having found it, you don’t write anything important down anyway.
>Flute, battered and tarnished. Check.
>Pipe, tobacco. Looks and smells same as it did last time you used it. Check.
>Torches, rope, tindertwigs, empty waterskin. Check.
>And last but not least, the whole reason you’re in this bind.
>A small leather pouch filled with a good sized handful of smooth glass pebbles, each one cut with a rune in a forgotten language and glowing faintly with a shifting inner light.
>You count them, and thankfully find them all present and accounted for.
>These are your most precious possessions, the prize that you gambled everything for, and you still don’t know what they are.

>Their magical power is obvious, but their nature and purpose is a total enigma.
>For all obvious intents and purposes, they’re just pretty shiny things.
>Pretty shiny things that an awful lot of serious high-ups were gaming for, though.
>That makes them a prize worth having, but also a prize worth getting rid of as quickly as possible.
>Princess Celestia mentioned in her letter that she might be able to give you some of the dark on these things, but you’re not sure if you really want to know.
>It’d be better for your health to stay ignorant, you’re certain – but you can’t deny that you’re curious…
>In any case, you guess there’s between no chance and Buckley’s of the princess letting you leave this plane with these things still in your possession, so maybe it doesn’t matter too much either way.
>Even if she robs you blind and chucks you in a dungeon, it’ll probably be better than what would have happened to you if you’d stayed in Sigil.
>You drop the precious baubles back into their pouch, and begin repacking your bag.
>It seems like nothing has been interfered with, so that’s a small mercy to be thankful for.
>You’ve been soaking a good while now, and the water is starting to go cold, so you figure it must be time to rejoin the ponies.
>You rub yourself dry with the towel and then, lacking any other clothing for the timebeing, wrap it around your waist before picking up your bag and leaving the bathroom behind you.
>Everyp0ny except Rarity is still here, sitting around Fluttershy’s table drinking tea.
>Fluttershy blushes scarlet as soon as she sees you, and you have to immediately remind yourself not to trust any of these piking ponies, no matter how adorable.
“Hi Anon!” Pinkie says happily. “Feeling better?”
“Yup. Thanks.”
>Rainbow Dash is looking abashed, not meeting your eye.

“Anonymous, Pinkie and Rainbow told me about what happened,” Twilight says, sounding worried. “I know that they’ve already apologised for acting so stupidly-"
“Oh sure, just beat us over the head with it, why not,” Rainbow Dash mutters.
“-but I just want to say sorry as well. You’re Princess Celestia’s guest, and I’m mortified that anyp0ny would be so disrespectful as to pull silly pranks on you, especially such an irresponsible one that could backfire like that.”
>She’s glaring at Rainbow and Pinkie as she speaks, the two of them looking appropriately hangdog.
>Hangp0ny?
>Whatever.
“Thanks Twilight,” you say, keeping your voice polite and measured. “There’s no harm done, so apology accepted.”
“Great! And… err… this wouldn’t necessarily be an appropriate topic for discussion at a royal audience, you understand that, right?”
>You grin.
“Right. As long as Rainbow Dash buys me a drink sometime to help with the emotional trauma, and doesn’t get offended when I keep a careful eye on it.”
“Yeah, whatever,” Dash says, keeping her petulance mostly under control.
“What about me?” Pinkie says, sounding rather offended at being missed out of the sanctions.
“Errr… bake me a cake or something?”
>Not that you’ll eat it; once bitten, twice shy.
“Ooh, good choice! I make the best cakes. Do you like chocolate? What am I saying, of course you like chocolate, who doesn’t like chocolate? And do you like vanilla, and cream, and lots and lots and lots of frosting, and bananas, and balloons, and cupcakes, and dancing, and marzipan?”
“…all on a cake?”
>Pinkie’s eyes widen.
“Oh no, I was just listing things that I like. Do you want all of that on a cake?”
“N-“
>She gets a determined look.
“I’ll do it! Pinkie Pie has never turned down a baking challenge!”
“...right then. Looking forward to it.”

>At least the results should be interesting.
“So listen, Anonymous,” Twilight says. “We need to make sure you’re properly prepared for your audience with Princess Celestia. I’ve made a checklist so as to be absolutely sure we cover everything you need to know.”
>With a checklist magically suspended in front of her, Twilight seems to be in her element.
>She’s positively radiating contentment and wellbeing.
 “Item one: terms of address. I think you already got this from your meeting with Princess Luna last night, but both princesses should be addressed at all times by their full name and title, or simply as ‘princess’. No other honorific term is necessary or appropriate.”
“I meant to ask you about that, actually. Has Equestria always been ruled by princesses?”
“Nearly always. Princess Celestia and Princess Luna are the only rulers we’ve ever had, unless you count the time when Discord was at large – but he was hardly a ruler, he just presided over anarchy really.”
“So how long have the princesses ruled together?”
“Well… Princess Celestia ruled by herself for a time, while Princess Luna was gone.”
“Gone?”
“In exile, sort of. It seems a bit awkward to explain to an outsider.”
>You just wait, figuring she’ll explain in her own time or else she won’t.
“There was a split between the two sisters, just over a thousand years ago. Princess Luna was… not herself. She only returned about a year ago.”
“Ah. So that explains what she said to you about ‘updating her image’.”
“Right. Anyway, before Princess Luna’s exile, the princesses ruled together for a long, long time. We don’t have written records for all of it, but I’d have to guess that it was at least another two thousand years.”
“And before that, this… Discord was in charge?”

“Yes. Discord is a being of chaos and madness. He’s the opposite of everything that the Elements of Harmony stand for, or else he corrupts them to his own twisted ends. Princess Celestia and Princess Luna defeated him with the Elements of Harmony and freed all of p0nykind from his evil.”
“So he’s gone?”
“Imprisoned. I don’t know if it’s even possible to get rid of him permanently. He made a return within the last year, and as the bearers of the Elements of Harmony, it fell to us to defeat him and return him to his imprisonment in stone.”
“It sounds like you’ve had a busy year.”
“Yes, you could say that… anyway, item two. The proper depth of bow. Now, if you were a pony I would say that you should touch your nose to the floor, but…”
“Hang on. What about religion?”
>Twilight stops, seeming caught between irritation at being interrupted in her checklist and interest in the topic.
“Religion isn’t really something I’m familiar with,” she says after a moment. “I’ve come across a few references in my reading to gods, and worship, but I don’t think I quite understand the concept.”
“Well… among pretty much any other people I can think of, if there was a primal being of chaos who was defeated by two sisters who are conveniently named after heavenly bodies…”
“Well, that’s not just a coincidence. Princess Celestia and Princess Luna have power over the sun and the moon, respectively. Every morning Princess Luna lowers the moon and Princess Celestia raises the sun, and in the evening their roles are reversed.”
“…really? You actually believe that your princesses control the sun and the moon, but you still don’t worship them?”
“It’s not a belief,” Twilight says. “It’s a fact. We’ve seen the proof. And no, we don’t worship them. Like I said, I don’t think I even really understand what worship is.”
“Veneration. Service. Reverence.”

“Yes, but royalty gets that treatment too, don’t they? Even among humans? Worship seems like something more.”
“It is. It’s… surprisingly hard to explain, to someone who has no concept of it. Nop0ny has ever even tried to worship the princesses? Or Discord?”
“Not that I know of. And certainly not Discord – why would anyp0ny even think of giving reverence to Discord?”
“Fear, I suppose? Or perversion, or lust for power. Among humans, and most other folk, there seems to be no lack of bodies willing to worship some pretty unpleasant Powers.”
>Twilight looks genuinely shocked.
>In fact everyp0ny does, even though they’d generally been tuned out of the discussion going on between you and Twilight, chatting amongst themselves.
>It seems like the idea of people worshipping an evil Power is a totally new and incomprehensible one to them.
“But aren’t humans… good?” Fluttershy asks tentatively.
“Not as a rule,” you say bluntly. “Some really are, some really aren’t. Most are somewhere in the middle.”
>The general level of shock deepens.
>You have to fight the urge to laugh.
>The naïveté of these ponies really is disarming.
>Again you remind yourself to think of them as Fey. It helps.
“Anyway… checklist?”
“Right,” Twilight says, a little hesitantly at first but soon warming to her theme. “Checklist! Item two. The proper depth of bow…”
>The checklisting goes on for a good ten minutes or so, and still seems to be in no danger of wrapping up when Rarity mercifully arrives with your clothing and whisks you away to Fluttershy’s bedroom to try it on.

>She seems to have no compunction about watching you dress – again, you guess that’s normal since these ponies walk around naked all day anyway.
>You figure if she doesn’t have a problem with it, there’s no reason why you should.
>She watches with obvious approval as you pull the clothes on, though it seems safe to assume that’s mostly to do with seeing her work modelled.
“Darling, it was simply marvellous to work with something so different – and, I might add, with some rather finely made garments, if a little well worn. But don’t worry, I took care of all that, they’re like new again.”
“They are indeed. They’re also shinier than I remember.”
>There are gemstones studding your jacket’s cuffs and embedded in the buttons now, dark blue to match your eyes.
>You reckon there are families in the Hive who could eat for a couple of years on the proceeds from pawning this jacket now.
“Yes, well, I didn’t want to go overboard, it didn’t seem quite right for your personal style… but I simply couldn’t resist adding a little glamour. You don’t hate it, do you darling?”
 “Nope, I sure don’t. Pretty swish – thanks a lot. What do I owe you?”
“Oh, goodness, no, put your money away. I’m sure you’ll have the opportunity to return the favour one of these days,” she says with a subtle bat of her eyelashes.
>You can only smile as you meet her eyes.
>And remind yourself again, because it’s only been about an hour but you’re already in danger of forgetting:
>don’t trust any piking ponies.