29 to life

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INDOXXI
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Subtitles by explosiveskull

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Here's your shit.

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Can't we talk about this?

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Talk about what?

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The fact that you're a loser

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and you're always
going to be a loser?

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Well, we could do that,

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but I don't wanna make the
conversation all about me.

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Everything is
always a joke to you.

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Can't you take anything serious?

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I'm serious about
us, about you.

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Doesn't that count?

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Come on, let's go back
inside and talk about this.

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When we met, you told
me you were a chef.

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I thought you were going places.

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Come to find out, you live
at home with your parents

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and you don't even have a job.

18
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Well, I can get
a job if I want to.

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I'm just waiting
for the right one.

20
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Wait, is this what
this is all about?

21
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That's what'll make you happy?

22
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Oh my god, I will go out
and get a job right now.

23
00:02:02,158 --> 00:02:05,659
Face it, Barnaby, you're
never going to change.

24
00:02:05,661 --> 00:02:07,263
You're always going to be a bum

25
00:02:07,265 --> 00:02:09,098
who lives at home
with mom and dad,

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and I'm not going to waste
another second of my life

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in a relationship
with a failed cook.

28
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You take that back.

29
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I'm a chef.

30
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No, you're a cook.

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Do you even know
what the difference

32
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between a chef and a cook is?

33
00:02:23,681 --> 00:02:24,613
'Cause I'm pretty sure a cook

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wouldn't have a culinary degree.

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Goodbye Barnaby.

36
00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:29,486
And I'm pretty sure a cook

37
00:02:29,488 --> 00:02:31,822
wouldn't have a
badass set of knives.

38
00:02:31,824 --> 00:02:33,256
Well, maybe he would,

39
00:02:33,258 --> 00:02:36,094
but he wouldn't have a badass
set of knives like this.

40
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Where are my knives?

41
00:02:38,330 --> 00:02:39,930
Ah!

42
00:02:39,932 --> 00:02:42,036
What, are you psycho?

43
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Who throws knives at people?

44
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What if one of 'em had come
out and hit me in the face?

45
00:02:47,974 --> 00:02:49,607
You know what, I'm
glad we're breaking up

46
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'cause you're obviously crazy.

47
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I'm sorry babe, I
didn't mean that.

48
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You're not crazy.

49
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Maybe just a little, but
that's why I love you.

50
00:03:05,760 --> 00:03:07,193
Really?

51
00:03:07,195 --> 00:03:09,330
You're not gonna give me
back my autographed football?

52
00:03:09,332 --> 00:03:10,366
Do you have any idea how long

53
00:03:11,534 --> 00:03:13,169
it took me to forge
those signatures?

54
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Oh!

55
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Would you stop throwing
stuff at my face?

56
00:03:18,809 --> 00:03:21,210
And don't bother calling.

57
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I'm changing my number.

58
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And one more thing,

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I've always hated your cooking.

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Dear Barnaby, your
father and I have decided

61
00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:14,432
it's time for you to do
something with your life.

62
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Is this some kind of a joke?

63
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Come on, Dad, I
know you're home.

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I can see you
through the window.

65
00:08:04,283 --> 00:08:05,616
Oh, no, oh!

66
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Hey, old man,
wanna play a game of pig?

67
00:08:32,180 --> 00:08:34,081
Are you talkin' to me?

68
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I don't see any other senior
citizens playing basketball.

69
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Do you?

70
00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:39,854
Are you sure you
can play basketball?

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I don't what you dyin' on
me from a heart attack.

72
00:08:42,559 --> 00:08:44,793
And I don't want you to fall
over and dislocate your hip.

73
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Ooh, good one.

74
00:08:47,998 --> 00:08:49,264
Haven't heard that
a million times.

75
00:08:49,266 --> 00:08:50,766
Well, I don't want
ya to take a break

76
00:08:50,768 --> 00:08:53,034
midway through the game
and go get a cheeseburger.

77
00:08:53,036 --> 00:08:54,737
And I don't want you to
cheat while we're playing

78
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and fart dust in my eyes.

79
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This is gettin' old,
are we gonna play or not?

80
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Fine, but I get ball first.

81
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Before I sink this, 20
bucks says I beat you.

82
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Fine, you wanna
bet on the game?

83
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Let's make it 40 then.

84
00:09:11,790 --> 00:09:13,223
Fine with me.

85
00:09:13,225 --> 00:09:14,524
You got 40 bucks on ya?

86
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Sure do, do you?

87
00:09:16,361 --> 00:09:17,460
Of course I do.

88
00:09:17,462 --> 00:09:19,464
What do I look like, a kid?

89
00:09:19,466 --> 00:09:21,566
All right then, game on.

90
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Aw, that's too bad.

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♪ Someone's got a P ♪

92
00:09:44,091 --> 00:09:46,828
Check it out kid,
my eyes closed.

93
00:09:55,839 --> 00:09:57,407
Easy shot.

94
00:10:04,847 --> 00:10:07,617
Look who else has a P.

95
00:10:17,227 --> 00:10:18,995
Looks like we're all tied up.

96
00:10:18,997 --> 00:10:20,429
So?

97
00:10:20,431 --> 00:10:22,700
We both know you're gonna
miss this next shot.

98
00:10:28,473 --> 00:10:32,842
What was that about me
missin' the next shot?

99
00:10:32,844 --> 00:10:35,614
Don't tell me you're nervous.

100
00:10:43,724 --> 00:10:45,725
That's 40 bucks, pay up.

101
00:10:50,464 --> 00:10:51,465
20...

102
00:10:52,566 --> 00:10:53,399
40.

103
00:10:55,904 --> 00:10:59,070
Nice doin' business
with ya, old timer.

104
00:10:59,072 --> 00:11:02,474
Whatever, just don't
spend it all on one meal.

105
00:11:02,476 --> 00:11:04,709
Buy some vegetables.

106
00:11:43,321 --> 00:11:45,955
Things just keep
gettin' better and better.

107
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One.

108
00:12:05,244 --> 00:12:07,244
Two, three.

109
00:12:08,214 --> 00:12:09,947
13, 14.

110
00:12:12,118 --> 00:12:13,818
$15.

111
00:13:14,419 --> 00:13:16,221
I'm so hungry.

112
00:13:27,599 --> 00:13:29,402
I'll bet they'll
have food there.

113
00:13:42,183 --> 00:13:43,017
Barnaby?

114
00:13:44,119 --> 00:13:45,551
Barnaby, is that you?

115
00:13:47,054 --> 00:13:48,988
Actually, it's Arnie.

116
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Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait,

117
00:13:50,225 --> 00:13:51,357
are you livin' out of your car?

118
00:13:51,359 --> 00:13:52,791
Why would you think that?

119
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Dude, aw dude,
no, check this out.

120
00:13:54,996 --> 00:13:56,796
He's livin' out of his car.

121
00:13:56,798 --> 00:14:00,468
It's Arnie, and I never said
I was living out of my car.

122
00:14:00,470 --> 00:14:02,335
Damn
bro, what happened?

123
00:14:02,337 --> 00:14:03,803
It's none of your business.

124
00:14:03,805 --> 00:14:06,674
Well look, Noah and I are
insurance brokers downtown now.

125
00:14:06,676 --> 00:14:09,744
Yeah, nothin' too fancy
though, corner office.

126
00:14:09,746 --> 00:14:10,979
Six-figure salary.

127
00:14:10,981 --> 00:14:13,615
We get to go home
to an actual home.

128
00:14:13,617 --> 00:14:16,283
But hey, you know what,
Barnaby, you're livin' the life.

129
00:14:16,285 --> 00:14:19,154
Yeah, no commitments,
nothin' to tie ya down.

130
00:14:19,156 --> 00:14:20,622
And at least you
get to travel, right?

131
00:14:22,526 --> 00:14:23,860
Really, six figures?

132
00:14:23,862 --> 00:14:25,962
Yeah man, six figures.

133
00:14:25,964 --> 00:14:28,530
Just so you know, when
people make six figures,

134
00:14:28,532 --> 00:14:31,568
they don't count the
numbers after the decimal,

135
00:14:31,570 --> 00:14:34,838
and insurance brokers,
wow, I'm impressed.

136
00:14:37,176 --> 00:14:38,942
So what, they had
like an internship

137
00:14:38,944 --> 00:14:40,410
for special ed graduates

138
00:14:40,412 --> 00:14:43,381
or did they wanna diversify
the sexual orientation,

139
00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:45,650
so they hired your two homos?

140
00:14:45,652 --> 00:14:46,651
Hey, hey, hey.

141
00:14:46,653 --> 00:14:47,852
Relax man, he's not worth it.

142
00:14:47,854 --> 00:14:49,720
We're not gay.

143
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:51,256
When you're ready
to tie the knot,

144
00:14:51,258 --> 00:14:53,191
I know the perfect
wedding planner.

145
00:14:53,193 --> 00:14:54,493
No, screw you.

146
00:14:54,495 --> 00:14:57,028
I appreciate the
offer, but no thanks.

147
00:14:57,030 --> 00:14:59,098
You know what, enjoy
sleepin' in your car tonight,

148
00:14:59,100 --> 00:15:01,068
Barnaby.

149
00:15:06,141 --> 00:15:07,640
Hey Gisele, does Tom Brady

150
00:15:07,642 --> 00:15:10,744
know you're cheatin' on
him with Forest Whitaker?

151
00:15:24,661 --> 00:15:26,762
Arnie, is that you?

152
00:15:28,864 --> 00:15:29,897
Madison?

153
00:15:31,234 --> 00:15:33,135
How have you been?

154
00:15:33,137 --> 00:15:34,803
Did you just get here?

155
00:15:34,805 --> 00:15:36,804
Actually, I was just leaving.

156
00:15:36,806 --> 00:15:37,872
Oh, me too.

157
00:15:37,874 --> 00:15:40,342
Really, didn't it just start.

158
00:15:40,344 --> 00:15:43,713
Yeah, but I wasn't
really feeling the DJ, so.

159
00:15:43,715 --> 00:15:46,685
Yeah, me too, he was terrible.

160
00:15:48,086 --> 00:15:50,152
It was actually a woman DJ.

161
00:15:50,154 --> 00:15:52,555
Wait, did you not go inside?

162
00:15:52,557 --> 00:15:54,892
No, well, I was going to,

163
00:15:54,894 --> 00:15:57,260
but then I ran into
Noah and Chris,

164
00:15:57,262 --> 00:15:59,128
and I forgot that they
have crushes on me,

165
00:15:59,130 --> 00:16:01,098
so I didn't want to
awkwardly deal with them

166
00:16:01,100 --> 00:16:02,999
making passes at me all night.

167
00:16:03,001 --> 00:16:05,271
Yeah, that makes sense.

168
00:16:06,806 --> 00:16:10,774
Oh, I'm in the process
of moving right now.

169
00:16:10,776 --> 00:16:12,210
Okay, yeah.

170
00:16:12,212 --> 00:16:15,746
Yeah, my last two
roommates were real dicks.

171
00:16:15,748 --> 00:16:18,150
Plus, you know, they're old

172
00:16:18,152 --> 00:16:20,752
and they were always
tellin' me what to do.

173
00:16:20,754 --> 00:16:22,188
You know, besides, I
thought my girlfriend

174
00:16:22,190 --> 00:16:24,959
would take me more seriously
if I lived on my own.

175
00:16:26,527 --> 00:16:28,528
Y-you have a girlfriend?

176
00:16:29,697 --> 00:16:33,668
Well, I had one,
but I feel that

177
00:16:34,869 --> 00:16:36,936
we'll get back together
once I get my own place.

178
00:16:36,938 --> 00:16:38,406
Oh, I see.

179
00:16:39,807 --> 00:16:42,810
Well, I-I hope it works
out between the two of you.

180
00:16:42,812 --> 00:16:44,811
Yeah, I hope so too.

181
00:16:44,813 --> 00:16:46,613
Well, uh, I have to get going,

182
00:16:46,615 --> 00:16:50,151
but maybe we can chat some
more over coffee sometime?

183
00:16:50,153 --> 00:16:51,853
Yeah, that-that'd be great.

184
00:16:51,855 --> 00:16:52,956
Okay.

185
00:16:57,560 --> 00:16:58,860
Oh, I'm on Facebook.

186
00:16:58,862 --> 00:17:01,529
Oh, I actually
don't have Facebook.

187
00:17:01,531 --> 00:17:03,032
What, why?

188
00:17:03,034 --> 00:17:05,601
Uh, I was always getting
friend requests from weirdos

189
00:17:05,603 --> 00:17:07,303
and like people poking me

190
00:17:07,305 --> 00:17:11,006
and that porn that was
popping up on my timeline.

191
00:17:11,008 --> 00:17:12,508
I know, right?

192
00:17:12,510 --> 00:17:15,645
It's like, what, this hot
chick wants to be my friend,

193
00:17:15,647 --> 00:17:17,081
and then you click
on her profile

194
00:17:17,083 --> 00:17:19,316
and you see her account
was made yesterday,

195
00:17:19,318 --> 00:17:22,085
and the porn, it's
like, whoa bro,

196
00:17:22,087 --> 00:17:23,955
I got enough porn
on other sites,

197
00:17:23,957 --> 00:17:26,056
I don't need it on Facebook.

198
00:17:26,058 --> 00:17:28,492
Then you're at work or
a kid's birthday party

199
00:17:28,494 --> 00:17:31,729
scrollin' through your
Facebook feed bored as hell,

200
00:17:31,731 --> 00:17:36,101
and then bam, big ol' P in a
V. It's like, bing, bing, bing,

201
00:17:36,103 --> 00:17:39,004
and then all of a sudden, your
boss or a little kid sees it.

202
00:17:39,006 --> 00:17:40,939
Before you know it, you're
sittin' front row center

203
00:17:40,941 --> 00:17:42,709
at your own intervention.

204
00:17:42,711 --> 00:17:45,210
People are cryin' because
your sex addiction's

205
00:17:45,212 --> 00:17:47,682
hurtin' everyone, and yeah.

206
00:17:48,482 --> 00:17:49,317
Yeah.

207
00:17:51,552 --> 00:17:53,653
So, how we gonna
stay in touch?

208
00:17:53,655 --> 00:17:56,589
Uh, the old-fashioned way.

209
00:17:56,591 --> 00:17:58,491
What, writin' letters?

210
00:17:59,595 --> 00:18:01,761
No, give me your hand.

211
00:18:04,399 --> 00:18:05,234
Oh-oh.

212
00:18:06,069 --> 00:18:08,405
On the phone, smart.

213
00:18:09,271 --> 00:18:12,039
Letters are way too slow.

214
00:18:12,041 --> 00:18:13,375
I know.

215
00:18:13,377 --> 00:18:16,877
Well, uh, actually
have to get going,

216
00:18:16,879 --> 00:18:20,083
but see you soon, yeah?

217
00:18:20,551 --> 00:18:21,051
Yeah.

218
00:18:40,839 --> 00:18:41,674
Ah.

219
00:18:43,409 --> 00:18:44,244
Yeah.

220
00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:50,281
Yeah, all you can eat.

221
00:18:50,283 --> 00:18:51,916
All you can eat, yeah.

222
00:19:59,558 --> 00:20:01,327
Hey, get back here!

223
00:20:22,049 --> 00:20:24,884
Dear Barnaby, your
dad and I figured

224
00:20:24,886 --> 00:20:28,721
you'd spend all the money
we gave you by now on junk,

225
00:20:28,723 --> 00:20:31,891
so here's a little
more to get you by.

226
00:20:31,893 --> 00:20:35,328
P.S. this is the last
money we're giving you.

227
00:20:35,330 --> 00:20:39,901
P.P.S. the P.S. was your
dad again, love mom and dad.

228
00:20:54,118 --> 00:20:56,187
Go away, nobody's home.

229
00:20:57,621 --> 00:20:59,021
Come on, Henry, can't
we just see if he's okay.

230
00:20:59,023 --> 00:21:00,088
You're
always babying him.

231
00:21:00,090 --> 00:21:02,190
This is why he is the way he is.

232
00:21:02,192 --> 00:21:03,425
What if he's hurt?

233
00:21:03,427 --> 00:21:06,464
Oh, he's
fine, now come on.

234
00:21:07,665 --> 00:21:08,933
Love you too.

235
00:21:21,913 --> 00:21:22,748
Ugh!

236
00:21:34,126 --> 00:21:34,961
Uh!

237
00:22:47,239 --> 00:22:48,073
Hm.

238
00:22:49,909 --> 00:22:52,843
This is quite the impressive
resume you have here, Barnaby.

239
00:22:52,845 --> 00:22:54,679
Please, call me Arnie.

240
00:22:54,681 --> 00:22:56,348
All right, Arnie.

241
00:22:56,350 --> 00:22:58,617
This is quite the
impressive resume.

242
00:22:58,619 --> 00:23:00,252
Thank you, sir.

243
00:23:00,254 --> 00:23:01,753
On thing though, it says here

244
00:23:01,755 --> 00:23:05,792
you were a game developer
for Atari from 1980 to '84.

245
00:23:05,794 --> 00:23:08,162
Exactly how old are you?

246
00:23:08,896 --> 00:23:10,129
It says 1980 on there?

247
00:23:10,131 --> 00:23:12,532
That's correct.

248
00:23:12,534 --> 00:23:15,937
Uh, just a second, 30, 34,

249
00:23:16,537 --> 00:23:20,442
42, 43, I'm 44.

250
00:23:21,743 --> 00:23:25,413
Wow, really, you don't
look a day over 29.

251
00:23:26,548 --> 00:23:28,047
Well, unfortunately, you're-

252
00:23:28,049 --> 00:23:30,517
you're a bit
overqualified for the job,

253
00:23:30,519 --> 00:23:32,354
but thank you for coming in.

254
00:23:32,356 --> 00:23:36,393
Let me just cross off
a few of these here.

255
00:23:36,859 --> 00:23:38,327
Uh, huh.

256
00:23:40,764 --> 00:23:43,200
And there we go.

257
00:23:43,934 --> 00:23:45,101
I think you'll find

258
00:23:45,103 --> 00:23:48,406
I'm just the right
amount of qualified now.

259
00:23:49,139 --> 00:23:50,839
I like your style,

260
00:23:50,841 --> 00:23:53,276
but I'm afraid someone with
your amount of experience

261
00:23:53,278 --> 00:23:55,412
would just get bored.

262
00:23:55,414 --> 00:23:57,213
But I'll keep your
resume on file,

263
00:23:57,215 --> 00:24:01,183
and if something should come
up, I'll give you a call.

264
00:24:09,529 --> 00:24:10,861
It says that
you were on a team

265
00:24:10,863 --> 00:24:13,431
that developed a
vaccine for SARS?

266
00:24:13,433 --> 00:24:14,499
Is that what it says?

267
00:24:14,501 --> 00:24:16,702
Uh, yup, right there.

268
00:24:16,704 --> 00:24:17,871
Yeah.

269
00:24:19,072 --> 00:24:22,075
Well then, yes, I
was on that team.

270
00:24:23,010 --> 00:24:25,444
Mm-hmm, it was a
lotta long days,

271
00:24:25,446 --> 00:24:27,146
about five of them to be exact.

272
00:24:27,148 --> 00:24:30,550
Wait, you cured
SARS in five days?

273
00:24:30,552 --> 00:24:32,452
That's what I just said.

274
00:24:32,454 --> 00:24:37,459
You know, I remember
the day I cured SARS.

275
00:24:38,659 --> 00:24:42,364
I was like, guys,
I think I got it.

276
00:24:43,099 --> 00:24:45,201
I think I got the cure.

277
00:24:46,602 --> 00:24:50,638
And they were like, no way,
and I was like, yes way,

278
00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:54,376
and then I showed them the
cure, and they were like, nice,

279
00:24:54,378 --> 00:24:56,578
except for Jessica, she
was a little jealous,

280
00:24:56,580 --> 00:24:59,480
so she was like, psh, whatever.

281
00:24:59,482 --> 00:25:02,316
Anyway, we went out in public,

282
00:25:02,318 --> 00:25:05,587
then started stickin'
needles in people

283
00:25:05,589 --> 00:25:09,025
and just like that,
SARS is cured.

284
00:25:09,027 --> 00:25:10,793
Just like that.

285
00:25:10,795 --> 00:25:12,195
Yeah, just like that.

286
00:25:12,197 --> 00:25:13,429
So, you just went out

287
00:25:13,431 --> 00:25:16,097
and started sticking
needles in people?

288
00:25:16,099 --> 00:25:20,336
Um, yeah, I mean, how do
you think people get vaccines?

289
00:25:21,773 --> 00:25:24,941
Um, I don't know,
doctors' appointments.

290
00:25:24,943 --> 00:25:28,045
Oh yeah, well,
you could do that,

291
00:25:28,047 --> 00:25:30,014
but SARS was spreading fast,

292
00:25:30,016 --> 00:25:32,650
and we were under
emergency protocol.

293
00:25:32,652 --> 00:25:33,487
Right.

294
00:25:34,921 --> 00:25:37,689
Um, I'm actually gonna have
to get back to you on the job,

295
00:25:37,691 --> 00:25:40,258
um, but you don't mind if I
hang onto your resume, do you?

296
00:25:40,260 --> 00:25:42,060
So, I can show everyone.

297
00:25:42,062 --> 00:25:44,028
I mean, it's not every
day the guy who cured SARS

298
00:25:44,030 --> 00:25:47,132
comes into your work, right?

299
00:25:47,134 --> 00:25:48,067
Yeah.

300
00:25:48,069 --> 00:25:49,201
It's cool, I have copies.

301
00:26:11,494 --> 00:26:12,960
Yeah, I don't care!

302
00:26:12,962 --> 00:26:16,831
I'm gonna leave the toilet
seat up if I want to, Sharon!

303
00:26:16,833 --> 00:26:17,735
Yes?

304
00:26:18,601 --> 00:26:19,935
I'm here about the job.

305
00:26:19,937 --> 00:26:22,204
I saw in the paper
you're hiring.

306
00:26:27,410 --> 00:26:29,311
Do you know how to
rake and bag leaves?

307
00:26:29,313 --> 00:26:31,448
Huh, doesn't everyone?

308
00:26:33,083 --> 00:26:35,417
Can you start today?

309
00:26:35,419 --> 00:26:36,953
Today?

310
00:26:36,955 --> 00:26:40,125
I mean, tomorrow's
actually better.

311
00:26:42,661 --> 00:26:44,562
Today's good, I can do today.

312
00:26:44,564 --> 00:26:46,265
All right, here.

313
00:26:46,998 --> 00:26:48,631
This is the address.

314
00:26:51,170 --> 00:26:55,142
Be there in one hour
and change your clothes.

315
00:26:56,977 --> 00:27:00,477
Sharon, for the last time, I
don't know whose urine that is!

316
00:27:00,479 --> 00:27:03,515
All right, what I need you to do

317
00:27:03,517 --> 00:27:07,085
is to rake and bag this whole
entire section of the park.

318
00:27:07,087 --> 00:27:08,789
Can you do that?

319
00:27:09,656 --> 00:27:11,791
That's gonna take forever.

320
00:27:11,793 --> 00:27:16,228
Well, it looks like you
better get started then, huh?

321
00:27:16,230 --> 00:27:19,665
Why don't I do just
a small area today,

322
00:27:19,667 --> 00:27:22,170
like that parkin' lot?

323
00:27:22,904 --> 00:27:23,937
That's a parkin' lot!

324
00:27:23,939 --> 00:27:25,806
It has no grass on it!

325
00:27:25,808 --> 00:27:28,809
Well, there's a little
grass right there,

326
00:27:28,811 --> 00:27:30,310
and then I'll do
the rest tomorrow.

327
00:27:30,312 --> 00:27:33,514
No, what I need you
to do is to rake and bag

328
00:27:33,516 --> 00:27:34,816
this section of the park.

329
00:27:34,818 --> 00:27:37,420
Take this, I gotta take a piss.

330
00:27:54,606 --> 00:27:56,942
Well, this is just stupid.

331
00:27:59,610 --> 00:28:04,015
Well, he never said nothin'
about not takin' a break.

332
00:28:13,860 --> 00:28:15,628
Hey, hey, wake up.

333
00:28:16,361 --> 00:28:17,763
Wake up, time to go.

334
00:28:17,765 --> 00:28:18,599
Really?

335
00:28:19,198 --> 00:28:20,465
Yeah, really.

336
00:28:20,467 --> 00:28:24,468
Oh, before you go, don't
leave without your pay.

337
00:28:24,470 --> 00:28:26,737
This is a dollar,
I was here all day.

338
00:28:26,739 --> 00:28:31,179
Uh huh, you earned every cent
of it, sleepin' on the job!

339
00:28:32,346 --> 00:28:34,479
What time do we
start tomorrow?

340
00:28:34,481 --> 00:28:36,482
You don't start tomorrow.

341
00:28:36,484 --> 00:28:37,550
We got tomorrow off?

342
00:28:37,552 --> 00:28:39,552
No, we don't got tomorrow off.

343
00:28:39,554 --> 00:28:42,488
You don't work for me anymore!

344
00:28:42,490 --> 00:28:43,558
You're fired!

345
00:28:44,727 --> 00:28:47,129
You can't fire
me, dude, I quit.

346
00:28:49,965 --> 00:28:50,800
Cool.

347
00:29:00,376 --> 00:29:01,208
Hey.

348
00:29:01,210 --> 00:29:02,910
Hey.

349
00:29:02,912 --> 00:29:04,144
So,
what are you up to?

350
00:29:04,146 --> 00:29:06,649
You know,
just lookin' for a job.

351
00:29:06,651 --> 00:29:07,917
Is that your resume?

352
00:29:07,919 --> 00:29:08,851
Yeah.

353
00:29:08,853 --> 00:29:09,854
Can I see it?

354
00:29:10,320 --> 00:29:10,887
Sure.

355
00:29:16,595 --> 00:29:19,028
You've seriously been
applying to jobs with this?

356
00:29:19,030 --> 00:29:20,296
Yeah.

357
00:29:21,700 --> 00:29:23,700
Everything on here's made up.

358
00:29:23,702 --> 00:29:25,201
Well, so?

359
00:29:25,203 --> 00:29:26,970
Every-Everyone makes up
somethin' on their resume.

360
00:29:26,972 --> 00:29:28,238
Yeah, but when they do,

361
00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:29,941
they make sure it
sounds plausible.

362
00:29:29,943 --> 00:29:33,044
It says here you're a crash
test dummy for three years,

363
00:29:33,046 --> 00:29:34,912
an Olympic torch holder,

364
00:29:34,914 --> 00:29:37,781
a henchman, which even
if that were a real job,

365
00:29:37,783 --> 00:29:40,250
I don't know why you would
put that on an application.

366
00:29:40,252 --> 00:29:41,787
Why not?

367
00:29:41,789 --> 00:29:45,423
A professor at Oxnard, a
Knight of the Round Table,

368
00:29:45,425 --> 00:29:48,660
and a professional Rock
'Em Sock 'Em Robot fighter,

369
00:29:48,662 --> 00:29:49,895
whatever that is.

370
00:29:49,897 --> 00:29:51,129
Oh, it's that game
where you try and

371
00:29:51,131 --> 00:29:53,934
knock the other
robot's head off.

372
00:29:56,638 --> 00:29:59,438
Whatever, were you like
three when you wrote this?

373
00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:03,009
If by three you mean
yesterday, then yes.

374
00:30:03,011 --> 00:30:05,512
The only job on here that
sounds even remotely real

375
00:30:05,514 --> 00:30:07,814
is the chef job at the
mom and pop restaurant.

376
00:30:07,816 --> 00:30:10,350
Well, that's because
I actually did that,

377
00:30:10,352 --> 00:30:12,352
for a few years actually.

378
00:30:12,354 --> 00:30:14,387
And what happened?

379
00:30:14,389 --> 00:30:15,925
They fired me

380
00:30:16,927 --> 00:30:20,462
for putting strawberries
on pancakes.

381
00:30:20,464 --> 00:30:22,164
They're like, Arnie,

382
00:30:22,166 --> 00:30:25,433
we're not runnin' a
five-star restaurant here.

383
00:30:25,435 --> 00:30:27,135
They fired you just for that?

384
00:30:27,137 --> 00:30:29,572
Well, that and when
they told me not to,

385
00:30:29,574 --> 00:30:32,574
I started to put
strawberries on everything,

386
00:30:32,576 --> 00:30:36,879
cheeseburgers, chicken
strips, homeless people,

387
00:30:36,881 --> 00:30:40,617
small children, you name it,
I put strawberries on it,

388
00:30:40,619 --> 00:30:42,018
so technically, that's probably

389
00:30:42,020 --> 00:30:43,920
the real reason they fired me.

390
00:30:43,922 --> 00:30:45,455
Got it.

391
00:30:45,457 --> 00:30:48,391
So, why haven't you tried to
look for another cooking job.

392
00:30:48,393 --> 00:30:49,826
I mean, being a chef somewhere

393
00:30:49,828 --> 00:30:51,928
sounds like kind of a big deal.

394
00:30:51,930 --> 00:30:56,335
I don't know, it's just
not what I thought it'd be.

395
00:30:57,503 --> 00:30:59,070
Do you have any
idea what it's like

396
00:30:59,072 --> 00:31:01,972
to have a culinary degree and
then end up working at a place

397
00:31:01,974 --> 00:31:03,842
where the fanciest
thing on the menu

398
00:31:03,844 --> 00:31:06,245
is a grilled cheese and ham?

399
00:31:06,247 --> 00:31:08,279
It's terrible.

400
00:31:08,281 --> 00:31:10,783
Yeah, sounds like
a total nightmare.

401
00:31:10,785 --> 00:31:13,084
I'm being serious.

402
00:31:13,086 --> 00:31:16,389
I went to school with dreams
of doing amazing things,

403
00:31:16,391 --> 00:31:18,557
making food that
looked like art,

404
00:31:18,559 --> 00:31:21,228
being on the cover of one of
those stupid chef magazines,

405
00:31:21,230 --> 00:31:23,363
and now I don't even
have a place to stay.

406
00:31:23,365 --> 00:31:26,401
You're living out of your car?

407
00:31:26,868 --> 00:31:27,635
Yeah.

408
00:31:28,605 --> 00:31:31,105
Kind of already knew.

409
00:31:31,107 --> 00:31:32,673
Really?

410
00:31:33,710 --> 00:31:35,643
Well, when Chris and Noah

411
00:31:35,645 --> 00:31:37,444
entered the gymnasium
for our reunion,

412
00:31:37,446 --> 00:31:40,581
they yelled out, Barnaby's
living out of his car!

413
00:31:40,583 --> 00:31:44,120
So, most of our
graduating class knows.

414
00:31:45,622 --> 00:31:47,755
Well, this has been the
most emotional week ever.

415
00:31:47,757 --> 00:31:51,693
First, my girlfriend dumps
me, my parents kick me out,

416
00:31:51,695 --> 00:31:53,428
they don't even
tell me to my face,

417
00:31:53,430 --> 00:31:55,365
they just put all
my stuff in a box

418
00:31:55,367 --> 00:31:57,569
and wrote me this letter.

419
00:32:06,212 --> 00:32:07,477
Barnaby's bucket list.

420
00:32:07,479 --> 00:32:08,646
That's
the wrong letter.

421
00:32:08,648 --> 00:32:11,782
One, get past
level one on Pac-Man.

422
00:32:13,252 --> 00:32:16,221
Two, hold my breath under
water for 30 seconds.

423
00:32:16,223 --> 00:32:21,228
Three, stay in a hotel room
with no parents and jump on bed.

424
00:32:22,094 --> 00:32:24,329
Wow, these are quite ambitious.

425
00:32:24,331 --> 00:32:25,463
For your information,

426
00:32:25,465 --> 00:32:27,698
I have completed
everything on that list.

427
00:32:27,700 --> 00:32:30,069
Well, except for jumpin'
on the hotel bed,

428
00:32:30,071 --> 00:32:33,572
but I mean, who's gonna rent
a hotel room to a kid, right?

429
00:32:33,574 --> 00:32:35,841
And yes, I'd say
for a 17-year-old,

430
00:32:35,843 --> 00:32:38,377
that is extremely ambitious.

431
00:32:38,379 --> 00:32:40,580
You were 17 when
you wrote this?

432
00:32:40,582 --> 00:32:44,286
No, you dork,
I was like eight.

433
00:32:45,321 --> 00:32:47,586
Here's the real letter.

434
00:32:47,588 --> 00:32:48,423
Hold on.

435
00:32:51,492 --> 00:32:56,065
Yeah, this is, this
is the right one.

436
00:32:57,467 --> 00:32:59,734
Dear Barnaby, your
father and I have decided

437
00:32:59,736 --> 00:33:02,036
it's time for you to do
something with your life,

438
00:33:02,038 --> 00:33:04,672
and so, we're kicking you out.

439
00:33:04,674 --> 00:33:06,909
I wanted to tell you in
person, but your father said

440
00:33:06,911 --> 00:33:09,111
I would never go
through with it if I did

441
00:33:09,113 --> 00:33:11,246
and end up letting you stay.

442
00:33:11,248 --> 00:33:13,181
Sorry for putting all
your stuff outside,

443
00:33:13,183 --> 00:33:14,682
but it had to be done.

444
00:33:14,684 --> 00:33:18,755
P.S. no, we won't cosign
for you to get an apartment.

445
00:33:18,757 --> 00:33:22,558
P.P.S. that was your dad
that wrote the first P.S.

446
00:33:22,560 --> 00:33:23,960
Of course, we'll cosign for you,

447
00:33:23,962 --> 00:33:26,261
but you have to get a job first.

448
00:33:26,263 --> 00:33:27,665
Love mom and dad.

449
00:33:29,469 --> 00:33:32,103
Your mom sounds
like a sweetheart.

450
00:33:32,105 --> 00:33:34,838
Your dad sounds like
kind of an asshole.

451
00:33:34,840 --> 00:33:35,675
Yeah.

452
00:33:37,109 --> 00:33:41,113
Well, now I gotta get a job,
so I can get an apartment,

453
00:33:41,115 --> 00:33:43,749
prove to everyone
that I'm not a loser,

454
00:33:43,751 --> 00:33:45,617
and get my girlfriend back.

455
00:33:45,619 --> 00:33:48,653
Well, you can start
by fixing your resume.

456
00:33:48,655 --> 00:33:50,388
Get rid of all of this nonsense

457
00:33:50,390 --> 00:33:52,759
and build on the one
job you actually had.

458
00:33:52,761 --> 00:33:54,963
Okay, fine, I'll, yeah.

459
00:33:56,331 --> 00:33:58,697
But I'm gonna need some
spending money in the meantime.

460
00:33:58,699 --> 00:34:01,768
Hm, you can't
ask your parents?

461
00:34:01,770 --> 00:34:03,903
They wrote another
note about that too.

462
00:34:03,905 --> 00:34:05,505
Seriously?

463
00:34:05,507 --> 00:34:06,909
Yeah.

464
00:34:08,077 --> 00:34:09,443
Well, what are you
doing tomorrow night?

465
00:34:09,445 --> 00:34:12,946
I was gonna, you know,

466
00:34:12,948 --> 00:34:14,483
n- nothin'.

467
00:34:15,851 --> 00:34:17,085
I have a friend who does
these get-togethers once a month

468
00:34:17,087 --> 00:34:19,953
and she told me her
caterer just canceled.

469
00:34:19,955 --> 00:34:21,889
So, maybe you could do it?

470
00:34:21,891 --> 00:34:23,158
I don't know.

471
00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:25,493
Oh, come on, do you
need the cash or not?

472
00:34:25,495 --> 00:34:26,995
Fine.

473
00:34:26,997 --> 00:34:28,530
Okay, great.

474
00:34:28,532 --> 00:34:32,269
I'm gonna text you the
details, all right?

475
00:34:37,275 --> 00:34:39,043
Whoa oh oh oh!

476
00:34:39,644 --> 00:34:40,977
Woohoo!

477
00:34:40,979 --> 00:34:42,611
Woo!

478
00:34:42,613 --> 00:34:44,448
Woo baby!

479
00:34:44,450 --> 00:34:45,949
Oh, shake it baby!

480
00:34:45,951 --> 00:34:47,384
Nice butt. Ooh!

481
00:34:47,386 --> 00:34:48,919
Whoa oh!

482
00:34:48,921 --> 00:34:50,087
Whoa, all right!

483
00:35:00,300 --> 00:35:02,300
All of the pots, pans,
and cooking utensils

484
00:35:02,302 --> 00:35:04,236
are in the drawers
and cupboards.

485
00:35:04,238 --> 00:35:06,370
Let me know if you need
help finding anything.

486
00:35:06,372 --> 00:35:08,339
The guests will be
here in an hour.

487
00:35:08,341 --> 00:35:09,575
Any questions?

488
00:35:09,577 --> 00:35:11,442
Do you have a microwave?

489
00:35:11,444 --> 00:35:12,678
A microwave?

490
00:35:12,680 --> 00:35:14,346
Yeah, you know,
microwave oven.

491
00:35:14,348 --> 00:35:18,050
It's a, people use
it to cook stuff.

492
00:35:18,052 --> 00:35:19,385
I know what a microwave is.

493
00:35:19,387 --> 00:35:20,887
What do you need it for?

494
00:35:20,889 --> 00:35:23,155
Oh, well 'cause I have a
bunch of frozen TV dinners,

495
00:35:23,157 --> 00:35:25,557
and how else am I gonna cook it?

496
00:35:25,559 --> 00:35:29,796
I'm not usin' the oven, that's-
that's way too much work.

497
00:35:29,798 --> 00:35:32,098
You're actually going
to serve my guest garbage

498
00:35:32,100 --> 00:35:34,234
you got from the
frozen food section?

499
00:35:34,236 --> 00:35:36,102
Relax, I'm just kidding.

500
00:35:36,104 --> 00:35:38,071
I'll have the food
ready in an hour.

501
00:35:38,073 --> 00:35:41,242
Um, little hint, the next
time you wanna tell a joke,

502
00:35:41,244 --> 00:35:43,513
make sure it's funny first.

503
00:35:44,380 --> 00:35:46,083
O-kay.

504
00:36:10,975 --> 00:36:13,576
Wow, it smells
amazing in here.

505
00:36:13,578 --> 00:36:15,779
And it looks like someone's
havin' fun, look at that.

506
00:36:15,781 --> 00:36:16,713
You hungry?

507
00:36:16,715 --> 00:36:17,749
Duh.

508
00:36:17,751 --> 00:36:19,651
Okay, all right.

509
00:36:21,320 --> 00:36:24,391
Tell me what you
think about this.

510
00:36:25,258 --> 00:36:26,259
Be honest.

511
00:36:30,497 --> 00:36:31,398
It tastes

512
00:36:32,700 --> 00:36:34,299
incredible.

513
00:36:34,301 --> 00:36:36,669
I mean, I figured you can cook,

514
00:36:36,671 --> 00:36:39,205
but I thought it'd just be
like whatever, not like this.

515
00:36:39,207 --> 00:36:41,541
This is delicious.

516
00:36:41,543 --> 00:36:43,275
You have a gift.

517
00:36:43,277 --> 00:36:44,410
So, when you say delicious,

518
00:36:44,412 --> 00:36:46,112
do you mean delicious
when compared

519
00:36:46,114 --> 00:36:48,414
to the Chef Boyardee
standard you had for me

520
00:36:48,416 --> 00:36:50,115
or delicious when compared

521
00:36:50,117 --> 00:36:53,321
to actual restaurants
you've eaten at?

522
00:36:53,323 --> 00:36:54,922
Actual restaurants.

523
00:36:54,924 --> 00:36:58,628
Nice restaurants or
like fast food joints.

524
00:36:59,928 --> 00:37:01,828
Nice restaurants.

525
00:37:01,830 --> 00:37:03,730
Now, will you just shut up
and take the compliment?

526
00:37:03,732 --> 00:37:05,266
Yeah, all right, thank you.

527
00:37:05,268 --> 00:37:06,501
You're welcome.

528
00:37:06,503 --> 00:37:08,070
Now, what else do
you have to eat?

529
00:37:08,072 --> 00:37:09,306
Uh, try this.

530
00:37:15,411 --> 00:37:17,481
Take the whole bite there.

531
00:37:18,182 --> 00:37:19,283
Oh my god.

532
00:37:21,118 --> 00:37:22,517
That is so good.

533
00:37:22,519 --> 00:37:24,453
The guests are arriving,
is the food ready?

534
00:37:24,455 --> 00:37:25,988
Yes, it is.

535
00:37:25,990 --> 00:37:27,323
Well, come on then, bring
it out into the living room.

536
00:37:27,325 --> 00:37:29,192
Right away, Mussolini.

537
00:37:29,194 --> 00:37:30,693
Huh?

538
00:37:30,695 --> 00:37:33,699
Benito Mussolini, you
know, the French dictator.

539
00:37:35,301 --> 00:37:36,532
You look French,
so I just wanted

540
00:37:36,534 --> 00:37:38,668
to pick somethin' close to home.

541
00:37:38,670 --> 00:37:39,838
I know who he is.

542
00:37:39,840 --> 00:37:41,205
Do I look uneducated to you?

543
00:37:41,207 --> 00:37:42,707
Which apparently, you are

544
00:37:42,709 --> 00:37:45,510
because Benito Mussolini
was an Italian dictator.

545
00:37:45,512 --> 00:37:49,247
Either way, I'm not French
or Italian, I'm English.

546
00:37:49,249 --> 00:37:50,814
I was gonna say Italian.

547
00:37:50,816 --> 00:37:51,884
I'm sure you were.

548
00:37:51,886 --> 00:37:53,755
I was, Queen Mary.

549
00:37:54,888 --> 00:37:56,087
Is there some point
where you realize

550
00:37:56,089 --> 00:37:57,322
that you're being obnoxious

551
00:37:57,324 --> 00:37:59,891
and you stop telling
your humorless jokes?

552
00:37:59,893 --> 00:38:04,196
No, he's just like
this all the time.

553
00:38:04,198 --> 00:38:07,700
Luckily, I don't care
what either of you think

554
00:38:07,702 --> 00:38:10,736
because my mom
thinks I'm hilarious.

555
00:38:10,738 --> 00:38:13,740
Just hurry up and
bring out the food.

556
00:38:16,946 --> 00:38:18,078
Okay, so are you gonna help me

557
00:38:18,080 --> 00:38:19,446
before your friend murders me

558
00:38:19,448 --> 00:38:21,482
or just keep stuffin' your face?

559
00:38:21,484 --> 00:38:24,618
Oh god, Chloe
wouldn't hurt a fly.

560
00:38:24,620 --> 00:38:27,956
Please, I know the face of
a murderer when I see one.

561
00:38:27,958 --> 00:38:29,624
Whew!

562
00:38:29,626 --> 00:38:31,659
Besides, she said
she was English.

563
00:38:31,661 --> 00:38:33,162
You know who else is English?

564
00:38:33,164 --> 00:38:33,996
Who?

565
00:38:33,998 --> 00:38:35,463
Jack the Ripper?

566
00:38:35,465 --> 00:38:36,831
I was gonna say
Charles Manson,

567
00:38:36,833 --> 00:38:39,534
but yeah, I think
he's English too.

568
00:38:39,536 --> 00:38:40,469
Oh, really?

569
00:38:40,471 --> 00:38:41,805
Yes, now help me out with this

570
00:38:41,807 --> 00:38:43,772
before I end up
on a milk carton.

571
00:38:43,774 --> 00:38:45,509
Fine, you big baby.

572
00:39:04,064 --> 00:39:05,330
Boo!

573
00:39:05,332 --> 00:39:06,997
Please
don't kill me, Chloe,

574
00:39:06,999 --> 00:39:08,633
I'm too young to die.

575
00:39:08,635 --> 00:39:10,035
What?

576
00:39:10,037 --> 00:39:11,472
Really, wow.

577
00:39:12,573 --> 00:39:14,171
You really are
afraid of my friend.

578
00:39:14,173 --> 00:39:15,007
No!

579
00:39:16,643 --> 00:39:19,045
I was just messing with ya.

580
00:39:19,047 --> 00:39:21,980
I saw ya hidin' over there.

581
00:39:21,982 --> 00:39:23,782
Yeah, sure you did.

582
00:39:23,784 --> 00:39:27,186
Anyway, what are
you still doin' here?

583
00:39:27,188 --> 00:39:29,656
Oh, I-I just forgot something
inside of Chloe's house,

584
00:39:29,658 --> 00:39:31,225
so I came back to get it.

585
00:39:31,227 --> 00:39:35,729
Oh yeah, well if it's
leftovers, I suggest you hurry.

586
00:39:35,731 --> 00:39:38,231
I mean, there was a lotta
food still when I left,

587
00:39:38,233 --> 00:39:42,838
but that was like two
or three minutes ago,

588
00:39:43,940 --> 00:39:45,974
and she's all up
there by herself, so.

589
00:39:47,444 --> 00:39:51,214
It's-It's not the leftovers,
but thanks for the heads up.

590
00:39:52,450 --> 00:39:57,119
Hey, um, what are
you doin' after this?

591
00:39:57,121 --> 00:39:59,088
Well, I did just make $300,

592
00:39:59,090 --> 00:40:02,490
so I think the
obvious answer is uh,

593
00:40:02,492 --> 00:40:04,493
hittin' up the strip club.

594
00:40:04,495 --> 00:40:06,163
Seriously?

595
00:40:06,165 --> 00:40:08,031
Yeah, you're probably right.

596
00:40:08,033 --> 00:40:10,766
I'm gonna need more money if
I'm gonna go to the strip club.

597
00:40:11,837 --> 00:40:13,270
Why, what are you doin'?

598
00:40:13,272 --> 00:40:15,540
Uh, I'm-I'm not sure.

599
00:40:17,644 --> 00:40:21,247
Hey, do you wanna
grab a drink with me?

600
00:40:22,115 --> 00:40:25,215
Promise not to roofie it?

601
00:40:25,217 --> 00:40:26,918
I can't promise that.

602
00:40:26,920 --> 00:40:29,520
In that case, I'm game.

603
00:40:29,522 --> 00:40:32,625
Okay, cool, um,
I'll be right back.

604
00:40:41,101 --> 00:40:44,470
Oh, so, did you
have fun tonight?

605
00:40:44,472 --> 00:40:45,871
Fun doin' what?

606
00:40:47,141 --> 00:40:49,309
Cooking, what
else were you doing?

607
00:40:49,311 --> 00:40:51,313
Oh, you know what?

608
00:40:52,080 --> 00:40:54,348
I did have fun tonight.

609
00:40:54,350 --> 00:40:55,783
Yeah?

610
00:40:55,785 --> 00:40:57,620
- Yeah.
- I could tell.

611
00:40:58,488 --> 00:41:00,087
More fun than cooking those

612
00:41:00,089 --> 00:41:01,388
grilled cheese and
ham sandwiches?

613
00:41:02,624 --> 00:41:04,826
I-I don't know
if I'd go that far.

614
00:41:04,828 --> 00:41:06,927
You know, from time to
time, I did get pretty fancy

615
00:41:06,929 --> 00:41:09,664
with those grilled cheese
and ham sandwiches.

616
00:41:09,666 --> 00:41:10,498
Is that right?

617
00:41:10,500 --> 00:41:11,834
Yes, ma'am.

618
00:41:13,136 --> 00:41:14,335
So, what do you think?

619
00:41:14,337 --> 00:41:16,205
Are you gonna give
cooking another shot?

620
00:41:16,207 --> 00:41:18,006
I don't know, maybe.

621
00:41:18,008 --> 00:41:20,042
Just maybe?

622
00:41:20,044 --> 00:41:21,012
But.

623
00:41:22,213 --> 00:41:23,046
Barnaby,

624
00:41:23,981 --> 00:41:24,815
hello?

625
00:41:25,416 --> 00:41:26,314
She's here.

626
00:41:26,316 --> 00:41:27,951
Who's here?

627
00:41:27,953 --> 00:41:29,420
My ex, Elaina.

628
00:41:30,855 --> 00:41:33,924
You mean that girl that's
standing next to that hot guy.

629
00:41:33,926 --> 00:41:36,962
Joking, joking, he's
not-he's not that cute.

630
00:41:38,364 --> 00:41:41,801
Okay, okay, I'm not gonna
lie, he's-he's a little cute.

631
00:41:43,302 --> 00:41:46,772
She sees me, she's
comin' over here.

632
00:41:47,640 --> 00:41:49,640
Hey, Barnaby!

633
00:41:49,642 --> 00:41:50,941
Elaina.

634
00:41:50,943 --> 00:41:52,677
Wait, wait, your
name is Barney,

635
00:41:52,679 --> 00:41:54,013
like the children's dinosaur?

636
00:41:54,015 --> 00:41:57,549
No, it's Arnie, and
it's short for Barnaby.

637
00:41:57,551 --> 00:42:00,018
Bro, you gotta introduce
me to your friends.

638
00:42:00,020 --> 00:42:01,920
Are you talkin' about her?

639
00:42:01,922 --> 00:42:05,224
No, your friends, you
know, Barney and Friends.

640
00:42:05,226 --> 00:42:07,227
Who are you exactly?

641
00:42:07,229 --> 00:42:09,428
This is my
boyfriend, Geppetto.

642
00:42:12,333 --> 00:42:16,805
Geppetto, like,
Pinocchio Geppetto?

643
00:42:17,540 --> 00:42:18,906
Yeah, that's his name.

644
00:42:20,109 --> 00:42:21,741
Is that his real name
or like a nickname?

645
00:42:21,743 --> 00:42:24,111
It's my real name.

646
00:42:24,113 --> 00:42:28,619
No, so on your birth
certificate, it says Geppetto?

647
00:42:30,054 --> 00:42:33,354
So, your parents actually
made the conscious decision

648
00:42:33,356 --> 00:42:36,793
to name you after a
fairytale character.

649
00:42:37,728 --> 00:42:39,562
How's your brother Jiminy doin'?

650
00:42:39,564 --> 00:42:40,830
Would you grow up?

651
00:42:40,832 --> 00:42:41,864
It's okay babe, if
I was named after a

652
00:42:41,866 --> 00:42:43,299
giant purple dinosaur

653
00:42:43,301 --> 00:42:45,868
who sang and danced with
children, I'd be immature too.

654
00:42:45,870 --> 00:42:48,006
Babe, that's cute.

655
00:42:49,374 --> 00:42:50,906
How long you been
dating, a couple of days?

656
00:42:50,908 --> 00:42:53,077
No, actually, me and this
beautiful slice of roast beef

657
00:42:53,079 --> 00:42:55,813
have been together for
what, six months now?

658
00:42:55,815 --> 00:42:58,782
Six months, but
we were still--

659
00:42:58,784 --> 00:43:00,150
Who's this, your friend?

660
00:43:00,152 --> 00:43:03,487
His girlfriend
actually, Madison.

661
00:43:03,490 --> 00:43:05,256
And we were just leaving.

662
00:43:05,258 --> 00:43:07,993
Geppetto, so nice to meet you.

663
00:43:07,995 --> 00:43:10,629
Please tell the Blue
Fairy I said hello,

664
00:43:10,631 --> 00:43:13,464
and Elaina, Arnie told
me you were skinny,

665
00:43:13,466 --> 00:43:17,605
but wow, it's called food
have you heard of it?

666
00:43:21,174 --> 00:43:23,208
You don't think I'm
too skinny, do you babe?

667
00:43:23,210 --> 00:43:24,442
No, babe, you're perfect.

668
00:43:24,444 --> 00:43:26,244
She doesn't know what
she's talking about.

669
00:43:26,246 --> 00:43:28,147
If anything, you could
lose some weight.

670
00:43:28,149 --> 00:43:29,483
So now I'm fat?

671
00:43:29,485 --> 00:43:31,218
No, I'm just saying
you're not that skinny.

672
00:43:31,220 --> 00:43:32,551
- Thanks.
- Babe, wait.

673
00:43:51,541 --> 00:43:53,675
Hey, are you all right?

674
00:43:53,677 --> 00:43:56,678
I'm fine, I just
need a minute.

675
00:43:56,680 --> 00:43:58,814
Look, I don't really
know you're ex-girlfriend,

676
00:43:58,816 --> 00:44:02,751
but from what I saw tonight,
she's a real piece of crap,

677
00:44:02,753 --> 00:44:05,254
and if she chose that
Geppetto guy over you,

678
00:44:05,256 --> 00:44:07,589
then she's definitely
not very bright either.

679
00:44:10,861 --> 00:44:12,096
I'm gonna go.

680
00:44:13,165 --> 00:44:14,332
Arnie, wait.

681
00:44:15,635 --> 00:44:17,867
Don't you wanna talk about it?

682
00:44:17,869 --> 00:44:19,836
It-it might help.

683
00:44:19,838 --> 00:44:21,641
Talk about what?

684
00:44:23,108 --> 00:44:25,409
The fact that my ex-girlfriend
was cheating on me for months

685
00:44:25,411 --> 00:44:27,913
with a guy who calls
her roast beef slice

686
00:44:27,915 --> 00:44:31,415
and happens to be the main
character of a children's book?

687
00:44:31,417 --> 00:44:35,687
Or how 'bout the fact
that I don't have a job?

688
00:44:35,689 --> 00:44:38,223
Or that I live in my car?

689
00:44:38,225 --> 00:44:40,659
Is that what you
wanna talk about?

690
00:44:40,661 --> 00:44:43,862
'Cause I don't see how talking
is gonna change any of that.

691
00:44:43,864 --> 00:44:47,833
Oh, okay, maybe not, but
it-it might help you move on

692
00:44:47,835 --> 00:44:50,104
or ease the pain a little.

693
00:44:51,506 --> 00:44:55,343
Face it, Madison, I'm a loser.

694
00:44:57,245 --> 00:45:00,682
No amount of talking
is gonna change that.

695
00:45:02,283 --> 00:45:04,918
You might as well just
stay away from me.

696
00:45:04,920 --> 00:45:07,588
You're not a loser.

697
00:45:07,590 --> 00:45:09,326
Goodbye Madison.

698
00:45:32,750 --> 00:45:35,120
How could you be so stupid?

699
00:45:36,587 --> 00:45:39,858
She was cheating on
you for six months,

700
00:45:40,894 --> 00:45:43,329
and there were so many signs.

701
00:45:44,197 --> 00:45:45,832
The new haircuts,

702
00:45:46,733 --> 00:45:48,200
the new clothes,

703
00:45:48,934 --> 00:45:50,169
the constant nagging,

704
00:45:51,337 --> 00:45:53,106
having to sleep
out on the couch,

705
00:45:54,574 --> 00:45:56,275
and the most obvious,

706
00:45:56,277 --> 00:45:59,847
when she butt dialed
you while having sex,

707
00:46:01,582 --> 00:46:04,450
and to think you
actually believed her

708
00:46:04,452 --> 00:46:07,619
when she told you
that she fell asleep

709
00:46:07,621 --> 00:46:10,624
while watching 15
Shades of Gray.

710
00:46:13,728 --> 00:46:17,864
No woman would fall
asleep while watching

711
00:46:17,866 --> 00:46:20,169
15 Shades of Gray.

712
00:46:25,274 --> 00:46:27,042
You know what Elaina?

713
00:46:28,244 --> 00:46:31,579
Forget you I don't
even care anymore.

714
00:46:31,581 --> 00:46:36,586
Elaina, I miss you so much.

715
00:46:42,126 --> 00:46:44,028
Hello, hi.

716
00:46:44,895 --> 00:46:47,798
Um, what's your biggest pizza?

717
00:46:48,966 --> 00:46:51,469
Oh okay, can I get
three of those?

718
00:46:53,005 --> 00:46:55,007
Actually make that four.

719
00:46:56,375 --> 00:46:58,911
Do I sound like a ninja turtle?

720
00:47:00,012 --> 00:47:03,781
Yeah, I want anchovies,
I want anchovies.

721
00:47:03,783 --> 00:47:07,618
Sunny Ranch Apartments,
unit H seven, Elaina.

722
00:47:10,823 --> 00:47:13,624
Hi, do you guys deliver?

723
00:47:13,626 --> 00:47:18,198
Perfect, can I get 30
bowls of white rice?

724
00:47:19,065 --> 00:47:21,333
Yeah, to Sunny Ranch Apartments.

725
00:47:21,335 --> 00:47:25,873
Hi, can I get one of the
six-foot subs, party subs?

726
00:47:27,242 --> 00:47:29,244
Ah, wait hold on.

727
00:47:30,111 --> 00:47:33,749
What, you wanna get two of 'em?

728
00:47:34,515 --> 00:47:35,851
Are you sure?

729
00:47:36,751 --> 00:47:37,885
Okay.

730
00:47:38,753 --> 00:47:41,188
Can we get, make, make that two.

731
00:47:41,190 --> 00:47:43,693
Um, we're pretty
hungry over here.

732
00:47:45,295 --> 00:47:50,300
Um, what's um, what'd you
got for your hot wings?

733
00:47:51,167 --> 00:47:52,336
What's the biggest order?

734
00:47:53,202 --> 00:47:56,472
Sixty, no that's not enough,

735
00:47:57,441 --> 00:47:59,874
Lemme get three of those.

736
00:48:29,642 --> 00:48:30,476
Hm

737
00:48:31,645 --> 00:48:32,576
You have four

738
00:48:32,578 --> 00:48:35,613
new messages, first message.

739
00:48:35,615 --> 00:48:38,283
Seriously Barnaby,
you think you're funny?

740
00:48:38,285 --> 00:48:41,320
I know it was you that
ordered the pizza.

741
00:48:41,322 --> 00:48:44,623
End of
message, new message.

742
00:48:44,625 --> 00:48:47,592
Really, 30
orders of white rice?

743
00:48:47,594 --> 00:48:50,128
When I see you next,
you are so dead,

744
00:48:50,130 --> 00:48:52,799
you hear me, you are dead!

745
00:48:52,801 --> 00:48:55,968
End of
message, new message.

746
00:48:55,970 --> 00:48:58,872
Party subs,
I take that back.

747
00:48:58,874 --> 00:49:01,975
I'm not going to kill
you when I see you,

748
00:49:01,977 --> 00:49:04,978
no, that's not good
enough for you.

749
00:49:04,980 --> 00:49:07,248
I'm going to hurt you so bad,

750
00:49:07,250 --> 00:49:08,815
you're going to
wish you were dead.

751
00:49:10,085 --> 00:49:11,918
Are you freaking kidding?

752
00:49:13,389 --> 00:49:16,091
I have a
delivery of wings for Elaina?

753
00:49:17,361 --> 00:49:20,963
Argh, you better hope I
dint find you, Barnaby!

754
00:49:20,965 --> 00:49:24,298
End of
message, new message.

755
00:49:24,300 --> 00:49:26,267
I'm looking at all
this food you had delivered

756
00:49:26,269 --> 00:49:29,005
and I've decided I'm
gonna save it for you.

757
00:49:29,007 --> 00:49:30,406
I'm going to find you,

758
00:49:30,408 --> 00:49:32,275
I'm going to take
you back to my place,

759
00:49:32,277 --> 00:49:33,777
and I'm going to tie you up

760
00:49:33,779 --> 00:49:36,712
and make you eat all of it
until your gut explodes.

761
00:49:36,714 --> 00:49:38,447
And after that happens,

762
00:49:38,449 --> 00:49:42,019
I'm going to make you
keep eating until you die!

763
00:49:42,021 --> 00:49:43,753
Remember that movie Seven?

764
00:49:43,755 --> 00:49:45,689
Yeah, that's gonna be you,

765
00:49:45,691 --> 00:49:48,158
dead in my living
room you asshole!

766
00:49:48,160 --> 00:49:52,330
End of message,
you have no new messages.

767
00:49:52,332 --> 00:49:53,834
Whoa!

768
00:50:20,562 --> 00:50:24,899
Excuse me sir, it's illegal
to be naked in public.

769
00:50:27,603 --> 00:50:29,839
Come on, don't run.

770
00:50:42,285 --> 00:50:44,486
Hey Madison, it's me Arnie.

771
00:50:44,488 --> 00:50:46,154
I just wanted to
call and apologize

772
00:50:46,156 --> 00:50:49,124
for the way I acted last night.

773
00:50:49,126 --> 00:50:51,360
And uh, if you're free later,

774
00:50:51,362 --> 00:50:54,663
I'll be at the basketball
court by the beach.

775
00:50:54,665 --> 00:50:57,368
So uh, hope to see you there.

776
00:50:58,536 --> 00:51:01,739
All right, talk
to you later, bye.

777
00:51:11,416 --> 00:51:14,586
Ah, I remember you,

778
00:51:16,422 --> 00:51:19,759
got you on our first
Valentine's together.

779
00:51:21,395 --> 00:51:23,730
What are you so happy about?

780
00:51:28,602 --> 00:51:33,338
And this, from when you said
we'd always be together.

781
00:51:33,340 --> 00:51:36,143
Well, we both know
how that turned out.

782
00:51:57,066 --> 00:51:58,900
Goodbye, Elaina.

783
00:52:08,913 --> 00:52:10,815
Nice shot, Gramps.

784
00:52:11,549 --> 00:52:14,382
Ah god, not you again.

785
00:52:14,384 --> 00:52:16,552
I bet I know what
you do for a living,

786
00:52:16,554 --> 00:52:17,987
you're a brick layer.

787
00:52:17,989 --> 00:52:19,822
Get it, a brick layer?

788
00:52:19,824 --> 00:52:21,191
Yeah, I get it.

789
00:52:21,193 --> 00:52:23,594
Don't you have
school or something?

790
00:52:23,596 --> 00:52:24,762
It's Saturday.

791
00:52:26,164 --> 00:52:28,499
Don't you have like a job
to go to or something?

792
00:52:28,501 --> 00:52:29,700
It's Saturday.

793
00:52:29,702 --> 00:52:32,102
So, my dad works
on a Saturday.

794
00:52:32,104 --> 00:52:34,339
Yeah, I'm sure your
dad works every day

795
00:52:34,341 --> 00:52:36,107
if he has to make
enough to feed you.

796
00:52:36,109 --> 00:52:37,942
And I bet you have
to work two jobs

797
00:52:37,944 --> 00:52:40,445
just to afford the candles
on your birthday cake.

798
00:52:40,447 --> 00:52:42,181
I gotta be honest
with you kid,

799
00:52:42,183 --> 00:52:43,715
I'm a little jealous of the fact

800
00:52:43,717 --> 00:52:46,384
that when you go places you
get the group discount rate.

801
00:52:46,386 --> 00:52:47,885
And I'm kinda jealous

802
00:52:47,887 --> 00:52:51,691
that you get the senior
discount when you go places.

803
00:52:51,693 --> 00:52:55,394
That's basically what I
just said but good for you.

804
00:52:55,396 --> 00:52:58,098
Hey, isn't it almost 4:00?

805
00:52:58,100 --> 00:52:59,598
Shouldn't you be at Costco

806
00:52:59,600 --> 00:53:01,401
before they stop givin'
out all the free samples?

807
00:53:01,403 --> 00:53:04,237
Shouldn't you be at home
watching silent movies?

808
00:53:04,239 --> 00:53:05,538
As much as I'd
love to stand here

809
00:53:05,540 --> 00:53:07,241
and do this with you all day,

810
00:53:07,243 --> 00:53:10,580
I have better things
to do, so get lost.

811
00:53:28,565 --> 00:53:30,466
Hey Arnie.

812
00:53:30,468 --> 00:53:33,469
Hey, I want sure if
you got my message.

813
00:53:33,471 --> 00:53:35,804
Wait, you know this guy?

814
00:53:35,806 --> 00:53:37,339
Are you Arnie's friend?

815
00:53:37,341 --> 00:53:40,977
Who him, you think
I'm his friend?

816
00:53:40,979 --> 00:53:42,345
He wishes.

817
00:53:42,347 --> 00:53:43,881
Yeah, whatever.

818
00:53:43,883 --> 00:53:47,584
I'm Will, but you can
call me whatever you want.

819
00:53:47,586 --> 00:53:49,653
Nice to meet you
Will, I'm Madison.

820
00:53:49,655 --> 00:53:52,290
Hey, whoa, whoa, get your
grubby little hands off of her.

821
00:53:52,292 --> 00:53:54,859
Whoa, don't be jelly, bro.

822
00:53:54,861 --> 00:53:56,928
Yeah Arnie, don't be jelly.

823
00:53:56,930 --> 00:54:00,699
I'm not jel-I'm
not jealous all right?

824
00:54:00,701 --> 00:54:04,537
Wait, is this old
timer your boyfriend?

825
00:54:04,539 --> 00:54:06,204
Would you get lost?

826
00:54:06,206 --> 00:54:09,041
Fine I'll go,
but if you need me,

827
00:54:09,043 --> 00:54:11,811
I'll be on the bleachers
in the winners' section.

828
00:54:11,813 --> 00:54:13,881
Cool, now leave.

829
00:54:15,584 --> 00:54:18,551
You have no idea how
annoying that kid is.

830
00:54:18,553 --> 00:54:21,488
Yeah well, he seems
like he likes you.

831
00:54:21,490 --> 00:54:23,857
Oh, I think he likes
you a little bit more.

832
00:54:32,402 --> 00:54:34,835
Do you know how
to play basketball?

833
00:54:34,837 --> 00:54:36,637
Maybe you should
stick to cooking.

834
00:54:36,639 --> 00:54:40,241
Aha, someone
thinks they're funny.

835
00:54:40,243 --> 00:54:42,579
Let's see you do better.

836
00:54:48,718 --> 00:54:49,753
Lucky shot.

837
00:54:50,553 --> 00:54:51,656
Oh yeah?

838
00:54:55,460 --> 00:54:57,025
Still think it was lucky?

839
00:54:57,027 --> 00:54:58,594
How 'bout a little one-on-one?

840
00:54:58,596 --> 00:55:01,697
Oh, are you sure you
wanna lose to a girl?

841
00:55:01,699 --> 00:55:03,300
You know I don't
wanna embarrass you.

842
00:55:03,302 --> 00:55:04,501
Oh I don't think I'm the one

843
00:55:04,503 --> 00:55:06,537
that's gonna be
gettin' embarrassed.

844
00:55:06,539 --> 00:55:08,939
Okay, you wanna
make this interesting?

845
00:55:08,941 --> 00:55:09,874
How so?

846
00:55:09,876 --> 00:55:11,776
If I win, you're gonna let me

847
00:55:11,778 --> 00:55:16,214
fix that ridiculous resume
you've been handing out.

848
00:55:16,216 --> 00:55:18,683
Fine, but if I win,

849
00:55:18,685 --> 00:55:21,453
you have to help me
Saran wrap Elaina's car.

850
00:55:21,455 --> 00:55:25,391
Okay, done deal, but
I get the ball first.

851
00:55:27,461 --> 00:55:28,994
Hey wait I wasn't ready.

852
00:55:28,996 --> 00:55:33,567
Doesn't matter, one zero,
first one to get to 11 wins.

853
00:55:35,436 --> 00:55:37,871
I got 20 bucks on the girl.

854
00:55:41,444 --> 00:55:42,408
Woo!

855
00:55:42,410 --> 00:55:45,578
Tss, we'll take that action.

856
00:55:47,850 --> 00:55:50,216
Can you even throw
the ball that far?

857
00:55:50,218 --> 00:55:53,122
I don't know, let's find out.

858
00:56:04,535 --> 00:56:07,370
Oh, what, two points!

859
00:56:26,959 --> 00:56:28,293
Next point wins.

860
00:56:29,062 --> 00:56:30,328
Ha, gay!

861
00:56:40,340 --> 00:56:42,907
Whew, and that's game.

862
00:56:42,909 --> 00:56:47,348
Hey grandpa, thanks,
you just won me 20 bucks!

863
00:57:00,861 --> 00:57:04,833
Hey, I wanna say
sorry for last night.

864
00:57:06,002 --> 00:57:08,101
Aw, you don't
have to apologize.

865
00:57:08,103 --> 00:57:09,904
I probably would have
acted the same way

866
00:57:09,906 --> 00:57:12,540
if I found out my ex
that I just broke up with

867
00:57:12,542 --> 00:57:15,610
was cheating on me while
I was still with them.

868
00:57:15,612 --> 00:57:19,814
Still I mean, I shouldn't
have taken it out on you.

869
00:57:19,816 --> 00:57:22,483
Yeah you're kind of a dick.

870
00:57:22,485 --> 00:57:24,653
You're just lucky I'm so cool.

871
00:57:24,655 --> 00:57:26,922
You know, most girls would
have blown you off by now.

872
00:57:26,924 --> 00:57:29,257
Well you're just
lucky that I'm so cool.

873
00:57:29,259 --> 00:57:30,525
Most guys wouldn't let a girl

874
00:57:30,527 --> 00:57:32,627
beat them in a
game of basketball,

875
00:57:32,629 --> 00:57:34,964
especially not with their
reputation on the line.

876
00:57:34,966 --> 00:57:36,598
Would you give it up?

877
00:57:36,600 --> 00:57:39,101
We both know you
didn't let me win.

878
00:57:39,103 --> 00:57:41,037
That's what'll help
you sleep at night.

879
00:57:41,039 --> 00:57:43,005
Okay, lets play
again right now.

880
00:57:43,007 --> 00:57:45,474
- Right now?
- Yes, right now.

881
00:57:45,476 --> 00:57:48,345
I don't know, I'm still a
little tired from the last game.

882
00:57:48,347 --> 00:57:49,845
How about we do it nother day?

883
00:57:49,847 --> 00:57:52,649
Okay, either you admit that
I beat you fair and square,

884
00:57:52,651 --> 00:57:54,752
or we're gonna play
again right now.

885
00:57:54,754 --> 00:57:57,123
Fine, lets go again,

886
00:57:58,290 --> 00:57:59,857
but don't expect me
to go easy on you.

887
00:57:59,859 --> 00:58:04,332
Fine, just don't expect
me to go easy on you either.

888
00:58:05,498 --> 00:58:08,199
Wait, you were
goin' easy on me?

889
00:58:22,984 --> 00:58:25,618
You do realize you'd have
to be like 1,500 years old

890
00:58:25,620 --> 00:58:27,288
to have some of the
jobs you listed?

891
00:58:27,290 --> 00:58:31,559
I know, I look pretty
good for my age, right?

892
00:58:31,561 --> 00:58:34,396
I'm like, Brendan Fraser...

893
00:58:34,998 --> 00:58:36,764
Tom Cruise.

894
00:58:46,242 --> 00:58:50,077
So if you had to get rid of
one holiday, what would it be?

895
00:58:50,079 --> 00:58:51,214
Only one?

896
00:58:51,216 --> 00:58:52,915
Mm-hmm.

897
00:58:52,917 --> 00:58:54,616
Easy, Valentine's Day.

898
00:58:54,618 --> 00:58:58,589
Ah, a romantic, why's that?

899
00:58:59,790 --> 00:59:02,792
Well, for starters, I
already know I'm single,

900
00:59:02,794 --> 00:59:05,461
I don't need a national
holiday reminding me.

901
00:59:05,463 --> 00:59:06,930
And even if I wasn't,

902
00:59:06,932 --> 00:59:09,365
I'm only a month and a
half away from New Year's,

903
00:59:09,367 --> 00:59:11,568
I haven't broken my
resolution to lose weight yet

904
00:59:11,570 --> 00:59:14,137
and then here we are with
a holiday where I get

905
00:59:14,139 --> 00:59:17,909
showered with chocolate
gifts, ya know?

906
00:59:17,911 --> 00:59:19,277
What about you?

907
00:59:19,279 --> 00:59:22,846
I'd have to say
Valentine's Day too for me,

908
00:59:22,848 --> 00:59:24,415
but for different reasons.

909
00:59:24,417 --> 00:59:27,186
You see I am terrible
at giving gifts.

910
00:59:27,188 --> 00:59:29,588
One year, because I
know how important

911
00:59:29,590 --> 00:59:31,423
personal hygiene is to women,

912
00:59:31,425 --> 00:59:35,061
I got Elaina
deodorant, mouthwash,

913
00:59:35,063 --> 00:59:39,334
hair removal gel, and a
feminine freshness kit.

914
00:59:41,035 --> 00:59:43,236
You know, for her um.

915
00:59:43,238 --> 00:59:45,406
Yeah, no, I got it.

916
00:59:46,607 --> 00:59:49,208
Well, she was pissed,
and then the next year,

917
00:59:49,210 --> 00:59:51,079
I got her the morning after pill

918
00:59:51,081 --> 00:59:53,046
with a little note that said

919
00:59:53,048 --> 00:59:54,817
this is for tomorrow.

920
00:59:55,585 --> 00:59:57,617
She, she hated that too.

921
00:59:59,155 --> 01:00:00,954
Yeah I wonder why?

922
01:00:00,956 --> 01:00:03,158
Yeah, and then most recently,

923
01:00:03,160 --> 01:00:06,794
I took her to a special
screening of Unfaithful.

924
01:00:06,796 --> 01:00:08,196
Really?

925
01:00:08,198 --> 01:00:11,600
That's kind of ironic
of you think about it.

926
01:00:11,602 --> 01:00:14,268
Yeah, no wonder she
kept lookin' at me weird

927
01:00:14,270 --> 01:00:17,239
the whole time, ah.

928
01:00:17,241 --> 01:00:19,175
She probably thought
you were on to her.

929
01:00:19,177 --> 01:00:21,911
Luckily she doesn't know
how dumb you really are.

930
01:00:21,913 --> 01:00:25,148
Funny, heh, ha, ha.

931
01:00:25,150 --> 01:00:26,549
Now would you focus please?

932
01:00:26,551 --> 01:00:28,519
This resume isn't
gonna fix itself.

933
01:00:28,521 --> 01:00:31,421
I know, that's why I got you.

934
01:00:31,423 --> 01:00:32,923
Well, you wanted to do it.

935
01:00:32,925 --> 01:00:35,493
Right, I realize that
but had I known at the time

936
01:00:35,495 --> 01:00:37,194
that I'd be doing all the work

937
01:00:37,196 --> 01:00:38,663
I would have asked
for something else.

938
01:00:38,665 --> 01:00:39,931
Hm.

939
01:00:39,933 --> 01:00:41,933
Is the degree
in culinary real,

940
01:00:41,935 --> 01:00:43,902
or did you make those up to?

941
01:00:43,904 --> 01:00:47,773
Yes it's real, I'm not
a complete loser, jeez.

942
01:00:47,775 --> 01:00:51,144
Well, I'm sorry but it's hard
to take any degree seriously

943
01:00:51,146 --> 01:00:53,579
when it's listed after
your degrees in law,

944
01:00:53,581 --> 01:00:57,950
nuclear engineering,
politics, economics,

945
01:00:57,952 --> 01:00:59,417
and adventure.

946
01:00:59,419 --> 01:01:01,220
You know, I actually
can't believe

947
01:01:01,222 --> 01:01:04,958
you put you earned a
degree in adventure,

948
01:01:04,960 --> 01:01:07,761
wait you do know that's
not a real degree, right?

949
01:01:10,598 --> 01:01:12,866
Looks like the
jokes on you Madison,

950
01:01:12,868 --> 01:01:16,204
turns out that adventure
is a real degree.

951
01:01:16,206 --> 01:01:17,472
Really?

952
01:01:17,474 --> 01:01:19,640
Yeah, I looked it
up on the internet.

953
01:01:19,642 --> 01:01:23,644
Huh, and how does one
earn a degree in adventure?

954
01:01:23,646 --> 01:01:25,213
Well isn't it obvious?

955
01:01:25,215 --> 01:01:27,382
By going on adventures.

956
01:01:27,384 --> 01:01:30,386
Ya know, I'm sorry
I asked, delete.

957
01:01:30,388 --> 01:01:31,219
Aw.

958
01:01:35,759 --> 01:01:38,896
So, favorite quarterback?

959
01:01:39,764 --> 01:01:40,930
All-time or currently playing?

960
01:01:40,932 --> 01:01:42,132
Currently playing.

961
01:01:42,134 --> 01:01:43,400
Easy, Tom Brady.

962
01:01:43,402 --> 01:01:45,137
Tom Brady?

963
01:01:46,271 --> 01:01:49,405
Over Drew Brees,
Aaron Rodger, Manning?

964
01:01:49,407 --> 01:01:51,142
And no, not Eli.

965
01:01:51,144 --> 01:01:52,410
Seriously?

966
01:01:52,412 --> 01:01:54,444
Seriously, what?

967
01:01:54,446 --> 01:01:57,247
Tom Brady's made six
Super Bowl appearances,

968
01:01:57,249 --> 01:01:59,283
he's tied with Joe Montana
for Super Bowl wins

969
01:01:59,285 --> 01:02:01,585
and not to mention, he's
been to the Pro Bowl

970
01:02:01,587 --> 01:02:05,458
11 times and NFL MVP twice.

971
01:02:05,925 --> 01:02:07,425
Yeah.

972
01:02:07,427 --> 01:02:09,427
So, I expanded your duties
at the mom and pop restaurant,

973
01:02:09,429 --> 01:02:12,231
and I highlighted your
culinary training and degree,

974
01:02:12,233 --> 01:02:15,567
and I've added myself and
a friend as a reference.

975
01:02:15,569 --> 01:02:16,403
Hm.

976
01:02:17,705 --> 01:02:20,707
Chloe, the serial killer?

977
01:02:20,709 --> 01:02:21,674
Yes, her.

978
01:02:21,676 --> 01:02:23,178
She hates me.

979
01:02:24,312 --> 01:02:26,312
I'm not gonna get a job
if they call her up.

980
01:02:26,314 --> 01:02:28,882
Relax, she's not
gonna say anything bad.

981
01:02:28,884 --> 01:02:30,817
When I went back to
get my stuff I forgot,

982
01:02:30,819 --> 01:02:32,085
she wouldn't stop talking about

983
01:02:32,087 --> 01:02:33,587
how much she loved your food.

984
01:02:33,589 --> 01:02:35,755
Okay, well, if
I turn up missing,

985
01:02:35,757 --> 01:02:39,227
you know who to have the
police question first, right?

986
01:02:39,229 --> 01:02:41,095
- Yeah, yeah.
- [Barnaby} Okay.

987
01:02:41,097 --> 01:02:43,298
All right, so I'm gonna
print some of these off

988
01:02:43,300 --> 01:02:45,633
when I get home, and then
I'll give 'em to you later?

989
01:02:45,635 --> 01:02:46,469
Cool.

990
01:02:48,271 --> 01:02:49,970
So, you ready
to have some fun?

991
01:02:49,972 --> 01:02:52,609
What did you have in mind?

992
01:02:56,580 --> 01:02:58,214
Is that what I think it is?

993
01:02:58,216 --> 01:02:59,016
Uh huh.

994
01:03:00,585 --> 01:03:03,421
Remind me never
to make you mad.

995
01:03:26,981 --> 01:03:28,479
No, you dork.

996
01:03:28,481 --> 01:03:30,581
Like this, see, roll
it from underneath,

997
01:03:30,583 --> 01:03:31,650
so it doesn't get stuck.

998
01:03:31,652 --> 01:03:33,218
- Oh.
- See?

999
01:03:33,220 --> 01:03:34,452
My bad.

1000
01:03:34,454 --> 01:03:36,488
I didn't realize
you were an expert.

1001
01:03:36,490 --> 01:03:40,362
So uh, you Saran wrap
a lotta cars or what?

1002
01:03:41,696 --> 01:03:43,263
A few.

1003
01:03:43,265 --> 01:03:44,797
Serious?

1004
01:03:44,799 --> 01:03:46,765
Yes, now come on, we
have to go under the car

1005
01:03:46,767 --> 01:03:48,033
and then over the roof.

1006
01:03:48,035 --> 01:03:49,403
Obviously.

1007
01:03:55,378 --> 01:03:56,212
Ah.

1008
01:03:57,713 --> 01:03:59,179
It's my friend's wedding,

1009
01:03:59,181 --> 01:04:03,886
and I thought we'd surprise
her with an early wedding gift.

1010
01:04:12,796 --> 01:04:13,696
Keep goin'.

1011
01:04:19,203 --> 01:04:21,704
All right, let's go hide and
wait for her to come out.

1012
01:04:21,706 --> 01:04:22,774
Okay.

1013
01:04:23,241 --> 01:04:24,009
There.

1014
01:04:26,043 --> 01:04:26,878
Sorry.

1015
01:04:34,553 --> 01:04:35,888
Ding, ding, pow.

1016
01:04:44,498 --> 01:04:46,130
So, you gonna tell me
about those other cars

1017
01:04:46,132 --> 01:04:47,599
you Saran wrapped?

1018
01:04:47,601 --> 01:04:48,435
Nope.

1019
01:04:49,368 --> 01:04:52,039
Come on, was it ex-boyfriends?

1020
01:04:54,008 --> 01:04:55,640
Ex-girlfriends?

1021
01:04:55,642 --> 01:04:57,175
It doesn't matter.

1022
01:04:57,177 --> 01:04:59,512
I knew it, ex-girlfriends.

1023
01:04:59,514 --> 01:05:00,845
Right on.

1024
01:05:00,847 --> 01:05:03,183
It was an ex-boyfriend, okay?

1025
01:05:03,185 --> 01:05:05,719
Found out he had
a wife and a son.

1026
01:05:05,721 --> 01:05:07,389
Just leave it alone.

1027
01:05:08,589 --> 01:05:12,458
All right, so a
what, you Saran wrapped

1028
01:05:12,460 --> 01:05:13,926
both his and his wife's car?

1029
01:05:15,865 --> 01:05:18,198
You know, you can be a
little stupid sometimes.

1030
01:05:18,200 --> 01:05:20,101
Only sometimes.

1031
01:05:20,103 --> 01:05:24,439
Did you just accidentally
give me a compliment?

1032
01:05:24,441 --> 01:05:26,277
Shh, here she comes.

1033
01:05:34,185 --> 01:05:35,518
Barnaby!

1034
01:05:37,254 --> 01:05:39,755
You're dead next time I see you!

1035
01:05:41,525 --> 01:05:44,226
Barnaby, is that you?

1036
01:05:44,228 --> 01:05:46,061
Get over here so I
can kick your ass.

1037
01:06:17,865 --> 01:06:18,932
What the?

1038
01:06:21,836 --> 01:06:23,004
Ooh!

1039
01:06:26,875 --> 01:06:28,708
Were you just trying
to break into my car?

1040
01:06:28,710 --> 01:06:30,409
No, this is your car?

1041
01:06:30,411 --> 01:06:31,478
I thought it was mine.

1042
01:06:31,480 --> 01:06:33,880
You have the same car?

1043
01:06:33,882 --> 01:06:36,819
What kinda car is this then?

1044
01:06:37,286 --> 01:06:38,588
SUV.

1045
01:06:39,722 --> 01:06:42,055
I meant make
and model, genius.

1046
01:06:42,057 --> 01:06:44,628
Uh, Ford?

1047
01:06:45,095 --> 01:06:45,762
No.

1048
01:06:46,662 --> 01:06:47,861
Chevy?

1049
01:06:47,863 --> 01:06:49,263
Okay, now you're
just guessing.

1050
01:06:49,265 --> 01:06:50,799
Hey, some people don't know

1051
01:06:50,801 --> 01:06:52,636
what kind of car
they drive, right?

1052
01:06:53,237 --> 01:06:54,802
Uh, I guess.

1053
01:06:54,804 --> 01:06:57,741
Wait a second, don't I know you?

1054
01:07:00,344 --> 01:07:01,810
No.

1055
01:07:01,812 --> 01:07:04,180
You're the asshole that stole
my bag of cans and ran off.

1056
01:07:04,182 --> 01:07:07,082
Hey, you mistook
me for someone else.

1057
01:07:07,084 --> 01:07:08,552
No, I know it's you.

1058
01:07:08,554 --> 01:07:12,222
You're wearin' that same
silly pants and everything!

1059
01:07:14,893 --> 01:07:16,261
What's that?

1060
01:07:22,368 --> 01:07:24,402
I can still see you.

1061
01:07:24,404 --> 01:07:26,505
Uh, no, you can't.

1062
01:07:26,507 --> 01:07:27,474
Yes.

1063
01:07:28,175 --> 01:07:29,441
No?

1064
01:07:29,443 --> 01:07:33,113
Whatever dude, just
stay away from my car!

1065
01:08:05,848 --> 01:08:07,616
Excuse me, sir.

1066
01:08:07,618 --> 01:08:09,216
This is the second
time I tell you

1067
01:08:09,218 --> 01:08:10,517
it's illegal to be
naked in public.

1068
01:08:10,519 --> 01:08:13,587
We're gonna have to take you in.

1069
01:08:13,589 --> 01:08:15,190
Quit resisting,
you're under arrest!

1070
01:08:16,561 --> 01:08:17,493
Is he resisting?

1071
01:08:17,495 --> 01:08:18,661
He sure is.

1072
01:08:18,663 --> 01:08:19,461
Looks like we're
gonna have to tase him!

1073
01:08:19,463 --> 01:08:20,662
No, I'm not resisting.

1074
01:09:04,312 --> 01:09:06,345
Thanks for bailin' me out.

1075
01:09:06,347 --> 01:09:08,214
No problem.

1076
01:09:08,216 --> 01:09:09,715
Nice clothes.

1077
01:09:12,219 --> 01:09:13,486
It's all they had.

1078
01:09:13,488 --> 01:09:14,954
What happened to your clothes?

1079
01:09:14,956 --> 01:09:16,890
Did they not give 'em back?

1080
01:09:16,892 --> 01:09:19,359
I wasn't wearing any
clothes when they arrested me.

1081
01:09:19,361 --> 01:09:20,293
What?

1082
01:09:20,295 --> 01:09:21,729
You were naked?

1083
01:09:21,731 --> 01:09:23,730
If naked means I wasn't
wearing any clothes,

1084
01:09:23,732 --> 01:09:25,332
then yeah, I was naked.

1085
01:09:25,334 --> 01:09:26,467
What happened?

1086
01:09:26,469 --> 01:09:27,735
Wait, why were you naked

1087
01:09:27,737 --> 01:09:29,538
and what did you'd
do to get arrested?

1088
01:09:29,540 --> 01:09:31,640
Well apparently,
they have a law

1089
01:09:31,642 --> 01:09:34,409
against showering
naked in public.

1090
01:09:34,411 --> 01:09:36,143
Stupid, right?

1091
01:09:36,145 --> 01:09:37,378
Why have a shower
in a public place

1092
01:09:37,380 --> 01:09:39,549
if you can't take a
naked shower under it?

1093
01:09:39,551 --> 01:09:41,384
You mean beach showers?

1094
01:09:41,386 --> 01:09:44,019
Because I'm pretty sure you're
only supposed to use those

1095
01:09:44,021 --> 01:09:46,923
to like get sand
off of your body.

1096
01:09:46,925 --> 01:09:48,458
Really?

1097
01:09:48,460 --> 01:09:50,126
Yeah.

1098
01:09:50,128 --> 01:09:51,394
Oh.

1099
01:09:51,396 --> 01:09:54,630
Well, good news, I
sent off your resume

1100
01:09:54,632 --> 01:09:57,000
to a couple of restaurants
that were looking for a chef.

1101
01:09:57,002 --> 01:09:58,434
One of 'em messaged me back

1102
01:09:58,436 --> 01:10:00,603
and they want you to
come in for an interview.

1103
01:10:00,605 --> 01:10:02,207
Cool.

1104
01:10:02,209 --> 01:10:04,408
Don't sound too excited.

1105
01:10:04,410 --> 01:10:07,112
I just don't think I'm gonna
make it to that interview.

1106
01:10:07,114 --> 01:10:08,212
Why?

1107
01:10:08,214 --> 01:10:09,881
Well, I told you already,

1108
01:10:09,883 --> 01:10:12,183
I don't really wanna
be a chef anymore.

1109
01:10:12,185 --> 01:10:13,851
But you're good at it.

1110
01:10:13,853 --> 01:10:16,555
And this isn't gonna be
like the last job you had.

1111
01:10:16,557 --> 01:10:19,290
Their menu is amazing,
I made sure of it.

1112
01:10:19,292 --> 01:10:20,559
I know you're gonna like it.

1113
01:10:20,561 --> 01:10:21,894
It's not that.

1114
01:10:21,896 --> 01:10:23,128
Then what is it?

1115
01:10:23,130 --> 01:10:27,366
It's, uh, you ever,
you ever just think

1116
01:10:27,368 --> 01:10:29,002
that you'd be further
along in your life

1117
01:10:29,004 --> 01:10:31,103
when you got to this age.

1118
01:10:31,105 --> 01:10:33,339
I mean, look how old we are.

1119
01:10:33,341 --> 01:10:36,142
I thought when I got this
old, I'd have a house, wife,

1120
01:10:36,144 --> 01:10:41,150
kids, an actual career I can
be proud of, but look at me.

1121
01:10:41,917 --> 01:10:43,483
If I take this job,

1122
01:10:43,485 --> 01:10:44,986
they'll most likely start
me off at a low position,

1123
01:10:44,988 --> 01:10:49,723
and I'll waste even more time
tryin' to move my way up,

1124
01:10:49,725 --> 01:10:50,992
and I'll be in the
same place I was in

1125
01:10:50,994 --> 01:10:53,694
when I graduated
from high school.

1126
01:10:53,696 --> 01:10:56,230
And then, what if
that doesn't work out?

1127
01:10:56,232 --> 01:10:58,032
I don't wanna be 40
livin' out of my car

1128
01:10:58,034 --> 01:11:01,336
tryin' to figure out
what to do with my life.

1129
01:11:03,241 --> 01:11:06,309
I don't think anybody
has it figured out, Arnie.

1130
01:11:06,311 --> 01:11:07,776
You think having a good job

1131
01:11:07,778 --> 01:11:09,913
and a house and
family'd change that?

1132
01:11:09,915 --> 01:11:11,681
Because I know a lot of
people who have those things,

1133
01:11:11,683 --> 01:11:13,550
and they're just as
confused as you are.

1134
01:11:13,552 --> 01:11:16,052
I highly doubt that.

1135
01:11:16,054 --> 01:11:18,689
Everything always looks
better from the outside in.

1136
01:11:18,691 --> 01:11:20,790
You know what you should
do with your life?

1137
01:11:20,792 --> 01:11:22,325
Something that you love.

1138
01:11:22,327 --> 01:11:25,029
What is it that you love, Arnie?

1139
01:11:25,031 --> 01:11:26,764
I guess I do like to cook.

1140
01:11:26,766 --> 01:11:28,001
Then cook.

1141
01:11:29,168 --> 01:11:30,936
You know, most people
spend their life

1142
01:11:30,938 --> 01:11:33,638
searching for something
they love, and you found it.

1143
01:11:33,640 --> 01:11:37,107
So in my book, you're
way ahead of the rest.

1144
01:11:37,109 --> 01:11:38,810
You do have a point.

1145
01:11:38,812 --> 01:11:40,181
Uh, yeah.

1146
01:11:42,115 --> 01:11:43,950
What is it that you like to do?

1147
01:11:43,952 --> 01:11:44,785
Me,

1148
01:11:45,954 --> 01:11:47,185
I like to eat.

1149
01:11:48,455 --> 01:11:50,490
So, I guess that makes
us the perfect pair.

1150
01:11:50,492 --> 01:11:52,225
I guess we are.

1151
01:11:52,227 --> 01:11:55,697
Speaking of food, I am starving.

1152
01:11:56,598 --> 01:11:58,865
The prison food was terrible.

1153
01:11:58,867 --> 01:12:00,766
Do you wanna get somethin'?

1154
01:12:00,768 --> 01:12:02,369
Yeah, I'd like that.

1155
01:13:57,295 --> 01:13:59,396
Thanks for comin' with me.

1156
01:13:59,398 --> 01:14:02,902
Hey, relax, you're
gonna do fine.

1157
01:14:03,869 --> 01:14:05,268
You think so?

1158
01:14:05,270 --> 01:14:06,505
I know so.

1159
01:14:08,375 --> 01:14:09,876
I don't know.

1160
01:14:11,310 --> 01:14:15,048
It's been a long time since
I've cooked at this level.

1161
01:14:15,783 --> 01:14:17,918
Maybe we should just go.

1162
01:14:18,785 --> 01:14:20,654
Look at me, Arnie.

1163
01:14:22,088 --> 01:14:25,791
You're an amazing cook, and
you're gonna go in there,

1164
01:14:25,793 --> 01:14:30,630
and they're gonna see that,
and they're gonna love you.

1165
01:14:30,632 --> 01:14:32,098
Maybe.

1166
01:14:32,100 --> 01:14:34,000
Would you stop dong that?

1167
01:14:34,002 --> 01:14:35,167
Doing what?

1168
01:14:35,169 --> 01:14:37,170
Stop feeling
sorry for yourself.

1169
01:14:37,172 --> 01:14:38,773
I don't feel sorry for myself.

1170
01:14:38,775 --> 01:14:42,309
Yes, you do, all
the time, actually.

1171
01:14:42,311 --> 01:14:46,449
It's not that I feel
sorry for myself, it's just,

1172
01:14:48,116 --> 01:14:50,787
I don't know if I'm good enough.

1173
01:14:52,255 --> 01:14:55,425
And I don't wanna go in there
and make a fool outta myself.

1174
01:14:56,359 --> 01:14:58,362
But Arnie, you
are good enough.

1175
01:15:00,163 --> 01:15:01,165
Oh, maybe.

1176
01:15:05,436 --> 01:15:09,707
Look, you can have all
the talent in the world,

1177
01:15:10,841 --> 01:15:12,208
but if you don't
believe in yourself,

1178
01:15:12,210 --> 01:15:15,345
it really doesn't
matter, does it?

1179
01:15:15,347 --> 01:15:19,015
And maybe you go in there
and totally screw up,

1180
01:15:19,017 --> 01:15:20,917
but who cares?

1181
01:15:20,919 --> 01:15:22,819
At least you went in
there and found out

1182
01:15:22,821 --> 01:15:26,927
instead of spending the rest
of your life wondering what if.

1183
01:15:28,328 --> 01:15:31,730
You know, you can be quite
persuasive when you want to be.

1184
01:15:31,732 --> 01:15:32,930
I know.

1185
01:15:32,932 --> 01:15:36,201
Um, my driver-side
door is broken,

1186
01:15:36,203 --> 01:15:39,204
so I have to.

1187
01:15:39,206 --> 01:15:40,806
Oh, yeah, that's cool.

1188
01:15:40,808 --> 01:15:41,640
Sorry.

1189
01:15:41,642 --> 01:15:42,710
It's all good.

1190
01:15:45,179 --> 01:15:46,645
Got it?

1191
01:15:47,948 --> 01:15:49,282
There ya go.

1192
01:15:50,952 --> 01:15:52,119
- You good?
- Yeah.

1193
01:15:52,121 --> 01:15:53,652
Okay.

1194
01:15:53,654 --> 01:15:56,022
Why don't you tell me a
little bit about yourself?

1195
01:15:56,024 --> 01:15:59,925
Well, my name is Barnaby,
but everyone calls me Arnie,

1196
01:15:59,927 --> 01:16:02,897
and I recently broke
up with my girlfriend

1197
01:16:02,899 --> 01:16:04,599
who I later found out
had been cheatin' on me

1198
01:16:04,601 --> 01:16:06,669
for the last six months.

1199
01:16:09,071 --> 01:16:11,007
What I meant to say is,

1200
01:16:12,876 --> 01:16:16,377
I love to cook, and after
graduating culinary school,

1201
01:16:16,379 --> 01:16:20,849
I got a terrible job at
a terrible restaurant,

1202
01:16:20,851 --> 01:16:23,851
nothing like this place,
this place is great,

1203
01:16:23,853 --> 01:16:26,789
and I forgot how
much I love to cook,

1204
01:16:26,791 --> 01:16:29,825
but then recently, a really
amazing friend of mine

1205
01:16:29,827 --> 01:16:32,529
reminded me of how
much I love it.

1206
01:16:32,531 --> 01:16:36,168
Heat, the smell, the art,

1207
01:16:37,636 --> 01:16:40,137
watching people's faces light
up when they taste your food,

1208
01:16:40,139 --> 01:16:42,839
and so here I am.

1209
01:16:42,841 --> 01:16:45,609
What do you know
about our restaurant?

1210
01:16:45,611 --> 01:16:48,846
Well, I know you're open from
11:00 a.m. until 10:00 p.m.

1211
01:16:48,848 --> 01:16:50,182
Sunday through Monday,

1212
01:16:50,184 --> 01:16:53,117
open until midnight
Friday and Saturday,

1213
01:16:53,119 --> 01:16:56,454
have been voted best local
restaurant three years running,

1214
01:16:56,456 --> 01:16:59,890
have a menu consisting
of 60% Italian dishes,

1215
01:16:59,892 --> 01:17:01,527
and are located
in a part of town

1216
01:17:01,529 --> 01:17:04,630
that receives a lot of
high-end consumer foot traffic.

1217
01:17:04,632 --> 01:17:06,998
Well done, you've
done your homework.

1218
01:17:07,000 --> 01:17:09,202
You're damn right I did.

1219
01:17:09,204 --> 01:17:13,371
Well now, in front of you
are several ingredients.

1220
01:17:13,373 --> 01:17:15,742
I want you to write
me a menu and cook it.

1221
01:17:15,744 --> 01:17:18,444
You have 30 minutes
starting from now.

1222
01:17:20,982 --> 01:17:21,883
Yes?

1223
01:17:22,750 --> 01:17:24,485
Is menu with one n or two?

1224
01:17:27,090 --> 01:17:29,593
Just kiddin', I know it's two.

1225
01:18:22,616 --> 01:18:25,685
Ha, you can put
your hands down now.

1226
01:18:25,687 --> 01:18:26,520
Right.

1227
01:18:32,626 --> 01:18:34,593
So, what do you think?

1228
01:18:34,595 --> 01:18:38,598
For someone who can't spell
menu, that's quite good.

1229
01:18:38,600 --> 01:18:40,200
I know there's only one n.

1230
01:18:40,202 --> 01:18:42,135
And no e on the end.

1231
01:18:44,073 --> 01:18:46,005
Well, I've got one
more interview,

1232
01:18:46,007 --> 01:18:48,142
but you should be
hearing from me soon.

1233
01:18:48,144 --> 01:18:49,844
Awesome.

1234
01:18:49,846 --> 01:18:50,681
Thank you.

1235
01:18:58,821 --> 01:19:02,524
So, got a little bored
while I was waiting,

1236
01:19:02,526 --> 01:19:04,092
and I was digging
through your stuff,

1237
01:19:04,094 --> 01:19:06,895
and I found your
autograph football.

1238
01:19:06,897 --> 01:19:08,163
Oh yeah?

1239
01:19:08,165 --> 01:19:09,198
It's cool, right?

1240
01:19:09,200 --> 01:19:10,666
Yeah.

1241
01:19:10,668 --> 01:19:12,734
It took me like two weeks
to forge the signatures.

1242
01:19:12,736 --> 01:19:14,070
I bet.

1243
01:19:14,072 --> 01:19:14,906
So?

1244
01:19:16,742 --> 01:19:18,741
How'd it go in there?

1245
01:19:18,743 --> 01:19:21,345
Uh, she has one other
person to interview,

1246
01:19:21,347 --> 01:19:24,247
uh, but it looks
like I got the job.

1247
01:19:24,249 --> 01:19:25,717
Really?

1248
01:19:25,719 --> 01:19:27,884
Yeah, well, I mean, she's
gonna call me tomorrow.

1249
01:19:27,886 --> 01:19:29,086
See?

1250
01:19:29,088 --> 01:19:30,455
And you didn't
wanna go in there.

1251
01:19:30,457 --> 01:19:31,856
Yeah, yeah.

1252
01:19:33,193 --> 01:19:34,825
Let's go celebrate.

1253
01:19:34,827 --> 01:19:36,126
Okay.

1254
01:19:36,128 --> 01:19:37,964
Where do you wanna go?

1255
01:19:39,266 --> 01:19:41,200
I have a place in mind.

1256
01:19:41,202 --> 01:19:42,734
Get in, I'll drive.

1257
01:20:14,071 --> 01:20:16,237
Oh, I gotta be honest.

1258
01:20:16,239 --> 01:20:17,505
When I woke up this morning,

1259
01:20:17,507 --> 01:20:20,277
I did not see my
day ending here.

1260
01:20:21,879 --> 01:20:23,346
Is that right?

1261
01:20:24,480 --> 01:20:27,683
You, uh, didn't see
your day ending with you

1262
01:20:27,685 --> 01:20:32,057
crossing off the final
thing from your bucket list?

1263
01:20:33,425 --> 01:20:34,991
Oh.

1264
01:20:34,993 --> 01:20:37,125
That's what this is about?

1265
01:20:38,431 --> 01:20:39,496
I thought we were gonna--

1266
01:20:39,498 --> 01:20:42,000
Oh, I know what you thought.

1267
01:20:43,668 --> 01:20:47,038
So, you wanna come
up here and join me?

1268
01:20:47,539 --> 01:20:48,404
Yes.

1269
01:21:07,027 --> 01:21:08,726
Oh, when I was a kid,

1270
01:21:08,728 --> 01:21:11,262
I thought this was
gonna be a lot more fun.

1271
01:21:11,264 --> 01:21:14,601
Yeah, uh, I guess it has lost

1272
01:21:14,603 --> 01:21:17,704
some of its fun
over the years, huh?

1273
01:21:17,706 --> 01:21:20,509
So, what do you wanna do?

1274
01:21:21,909 --> 01:21:23,876
Well, I still have some
of the money left over

1275
01:21:23,878 --> 01:21:27,081
from when I cooked
for your friend.

1276
01:21:27,083 --> 01:21:29,649
How 'bout we pig
out on room service?

1277
01:21:29,651 --> 01:21:31,051
Thought you'd never ask.

1278
01:21:41,331 --> 01:21:44,765
Okay, you
gotta try this one.

1279
01:21:49,773 --> 01:21:52,809
Oh my god, that is terrible.

1280
01:21:52,811 --> 01:21:54,110
I know, right?

1281
01:21:54,112 --> 01:21:57,779
Hm, why would you
make me taste that?

1282
01:21:57,781 --> 01:21:59,449
You're the one
that ordered it.

1283
01:21:59,451 --> 01:22:00,285
Ugh.

1284
01:22:03,089 --> 01:22:03,922
So,

1285
01:22:06,259 --> 01:22:09,293
I don't think I ever
told you thanks.

1286
01:22:09,295 --> 01:22:10,995
For what?

1287
01:22:10,997 --> 01:22:12,431
For everything.

1288
01:22:13,800 --> 01:22:17,736
I don't know where I'd be
right now if it wasn't for you.

1289
01:22:17,738 --> 01:22:19,737
It's no problem.

1290
01:22:19,739 --> 01:22:23,241
I'm sure you would've
done the same for me.

1291
01:22:23,243 --> 01:22:24,077
Yeah.

1292
01:22:25,946 --> 01:22:27,180
What?

1293
01:22:27,182 --> 01:22:28,349
Nothin'.

1294
01:22:28,950 --> 01:22:29,584
Tell me.

1295
01:22:30,884 --> 01:22:32,020
It's just,

1296
01:22:33,353 --> 01:22:35,988
I've never seen someone

1297
01:22:35,990 --> 01:22:39,193
eat food without chewing.

1298
01:22:41,996 --> 01:22:45,565
I know you can do it, I've
just never seen it done before.

1299
01:22:45,567 --> 01:22:47,268
Okay, shut up.

1300
01:22:48,003 --> 01:22:49,503
Ah, I was just jokin'.

1301
01:22:49,505 --> 01:22:50,606
Yeah, sure.

1302
01:22:53,143 --> 01:22:57,411
So, whatever happened to that
married guy you were datin'?

1303
01:22:57,413 --> 01:22:59,747
Were you two
together for a while?

1304
01:22:59,749 --> 01:23:03,253
Um, yeah, we were,

1305
01:23:04,387 --> 01:23:06,455
we were together
for quite some time.

1306
01:23:06,457 --> 01:23:08,190
Like a few months?

1307
01:23:08,192 --> 01:23:09,825
Two years.

1308
01:23:09,827 --> 01:23:11,093
He was married the whole time

1309
01:23:11,095 --> 01:23:15,064
and you didn't figure
that out for two years?

1310
01:23:15,066 --> 01:23:18,569
What about women's
intuition and all that?

1311
01:23:20,071 --> 01:23:22,740
I'm sorry, continue.

1312
01:23:23,408 --> 01:23:25,911
Um,

1313
01:23:27,045 --> 01:23:29,313
well, the whole
time we were dating,

1314
01:23:29,315 --> 01:23:33,951
I was always busy working and
I was taking night classes.

1315
01:23:33,953 --> 01:23:37,955
Um, we didn't see
each other that much.

1316
01:23:37,957 --> 01:23:40,626
I mean, I always figured
he was hiding something,

1317
01:23:40,628 --> 01:23:45,263
but I also thought maybe I
was just imagining things.

1318
01:23:45,265 --> 01:23:47,598
How'd you find out
about his wife and kids?

1319
01:23:47,600 --> 01:23:50,270
That was by accident really.

1320
01:23:50,272 --> 01:23:53,905
Um, I was out with
a friend somewhere

1321
01:23:53,907 --> 01:23:57,511
and um, there he was,

1322
01:23:58,680 --> 01:24:00,245
across the street
at a little cafe

1323
01:24:00,247 --> 01:24:02,816
with his wife and son,

1324
01:24:02,818 --> 01:24:06,288
and they looked like
a regular family.

1325
01:24:07,789 --> 01:24:10,025
I mean, they looked so happy,

1326
01:24:13,297 --> 01:24:16,464
and he looked over
at me at one point,

1327
01:24:16,466 --> 01:24:18,366
and then he went back
to talking to his wife

1328
01:24:18,368 --> 01:24:19,567
and playing with his son,

1329
01:24:19,569 --> 01:24:22,939
like he didn't even
know who I was.

1330
01:24:24,007 --> 01:24:26,941
What a real sack of shit.

1331
01:24:26,943 --> 01:24:29,211
So, what'd you do?

1332
01:24:29,213 --> 01:24:30,982
Did you tell his wife?

1333
01:24:32,215 --> 01:24:33,217
Key his car?

1334
01:24:34,619 --> 01:24:35,650
Egg his house?

1335
01:24:37,055 --> 01:24:37,889
No.

1336
01:24:38,590 --> 01:24:39,425
Uh

1337
01:24:41,527 --> 01:24:42,558
I just deleted
him from my phone,

1338
01:24:42,560 --> 01:24:45,264
and I've been single ever since.

1339
01:24:46,764 --> 01:24:50,101
You know, I didn't even tell
my friends what happened.

1340
01:24:50,103 --> 01:24:53,006
I, uh, I was too embarrassed.

1341
01:24:55,108 --> 01:24:59,477
You're actually the first
person I've ever told.

1342
01:24:59,479 --> 01:25:00,678
Well, this night

1343
01:25:00,680 --> 01:25:04,515
has really taken a turn
for Depressionville.

1344
01:25:04,517 --> 01:25:09,121
Oh, well, you're the one
who asked me about my ex.

1345
01:25:09,123 --> 01:25:10,355
Well, I just didn't know

1346
01:25:10,357 --> 01:25:13,560
you were gonna make it
sound so sad, you know?

1347
01:25:13,562 --> 01:25:15,194
Oh, oh, okay.

1348
01:25:15,196 --> 01:25:18,967
Um, was-was I supposed
to make it sound happy?

1349
01:25:20,369 --> 01:25:25,140
Well, you could made
it a little more happier.

1350
01:25:26,742 --> 01:25:27,576
I'm sorry,

1351
01:25:28,978 --> 01:25:32,849
I'm gonna stop talking
now and go take a shower.

1352
01:25:34,783 --> 01:25:37,052
It's been a while
since I've taken shower

1353
01:25:37,054 --> 01:25:38,855
in an actual bathroom.

1354
01:25:42,192 --> 01:25:46,194
Okay, so, yeah,

1355
01:25:46,196 --> 01:25:48,265
I'll be in the shower.

1356
01:25:59,676 --> 01:26:01,112
Did you want one?

1357
01:26:07,186 --> 01:26:10,052
Hey, Madison, you really gotta

1358
01:26:10,054 --> 01:26:12,691
try this shower before we leave.

1359
01:26:15,961 --> 01:26:18,630
It's got one of those
shower heads with the hoses,

1360
01:26:18,632 --> 01:26:22,233
so you can get all
up in your spaces.

1361
01:26:22,235 --> 01:26:24,771
It's really quite amazing.

1362
01:26:26,840 --> 01:26:29,842
Hey, Madison, did
you hear what I said?

1363
01:26:29,844 --> 01:26:32,311
Got one of those shower
heads with the, uh.

1364
01:27:37,117 --> 01:27:37,950
Hello.

1365
01:27:40,887 --> 01:27:41,721
This is him.

1366
01:27:44,925 --> 01:27:45,758
Really?

1367
01:27:48,127 --> 01:27:49,963
No, that's great news.

1368
01:27:52,467 --> 01:27:53,468
Where at?

1369
01:27:56,271 --> 01:27:59,374
When would you want
me to be there by?

1370
01:28:01,544 --> 01:28:03,711
Yes, I can be there then.

1371
01:28:05,714 --> 01:28:06,948
No, thank you.

1372
01:28:08,983 --> 01:28:09,817
Bye.

1373
01:28:23,166 --> 01:28:24,000
Madison?

1374
01:28:26,203 --> 01:28:27,038
Yeah.

1375
01:28:31,508 --> 01:28:32,842
I got the job.

1376
01:28:35,011 --> 01:28:38,081
They wanna hire me as head chef.

1377
01:28:38,083 --> 01:28:39,416
I start Monday.

1378
01:28:39,418 --> 01:28:40,983
What?

1379
01:28:40,985 --> 01:28:42,887
That's great, Arnie.

1380
01:28:44,623 --> 01:28:48,291
What's wrong, why
do you look so sad?

1381
01:28:48,293 --> 01:28:50,196
They want me to move.

1382
01:28:52,031 --> 01:28:52,865
Far.

1383
01:28:55,802 --> 01:28:57,103
How-how far?

1384
01:28:58,137 --> 01:28:59,138
Seattle.

1385
01:29:02,475 --> 01:29:04,109
That is far.

1386
01:29:04,111 --> 01:29:05,713
Tell me about it.

1387
01:29:09,782 --> 01:29:14,520
Well, it sounds like
a great opportunity.

1388
01:29:14,522 --> 01:29:17,091
You should definitely go for it.

1389
01:29:18,525 --> 01:29:20,528
I mean it is, but, uh.

1390
01:29:22,296 --> 01:29:23,197
But what?

1391
01:29:28,037 --> 01:29:31,140
I don't know, it's
just really far.

1392
01:29:33,208 --> 01:29:36,009
Head chefs take
vacations, right?

1393
01:29:36,011 --> 01:29:37,179
Yeah.

1394
01:29:38,280 --> 01:29:42,050
Then you can always
come and visit.

1395
01:29:42,052 --> 01:29:43,286
I guess so.

1396
01:29:50,260 --> 01:29:52,662
So, when do you have to leave?

1397
01:29:52,664 --> 01:29:55,230
I should probably leave by,

1398
01:29:55,232 --> 01:29:57,432
well, I should probably leave
in the next couple of hours

1399
01:29:57,434 --> 01:30:00,271
if I'm gonna be there by Monday.

1400
01:30:01,607 --> 01:30:04,074
Yeah, you should
probably get to it, then.

1401
01:30:07,880 --> 01:30:09,913
Would you stop looking so sad?

1402
01:30:09,915 --> 01:30:11,750
This is good news.

1403
01:30:13,653 --> 01:30:15,588
I guess you're right.

1404
01:30:27,868 --> 01:30:30,402
So, this is real, you're-
you're really moving?

1405
01:30:30,404 --> 01:30:33,371
Yeah Dad, I'm really movin'.

1406
01:30:33,373 --> 01:30:35,040
I told you we should
never have kicked him out.

1407
01:30:35,042 --> 01:30:36,810
Now, we're never
gonna see him again.

1408
01:30:36,812 --> 01:30:40,046
Relax Mom, I'll
be back to visit.

1409
01:30:40,048 --> 01:30:41,014
Promise?

1410
01:30:41,016 --> 01:30:43,816
Yes, every chance I get.

1411
01:30:43,818 --> 01:30:46,185
All right, well
give your mom a hug.

1412
01:30:46,187 --> 01:30:48,320
Goodbye, Mom.

1413
01:30:48,322 --> 01:30:50,190
No, this is not goodbye.

1414
01:30:50,192 --> 01:30:53,462
This is, this is see ya later.

1415
01:30:55,197 --> 01:30:57,698
All right, see ya later, Mom.

1416
01:30:57,700 --> 01:30:59,600
All right, I have to go in

1417
01:30:59,602 --> 01:31:01,535
before the neighbors see me cry.

1418
01:31:02,906 --> 01:31:05,607
So, tell me more about
this friend of yours.

1419
01:31:05,609 --> 01:31:07,644
Who, Madison?

1420
01:31:08,811 --> 01:31:10,077
Eh, is that the
name of the girl

1421
01:31:10,079 --> 01:31:13,016
who's uh, dancing to
music in your car?

1422
01:31:17,489 --> 01:31:19,589
Yeah, that's her.

1423
01:31:19,591 --> 01:31:20,758
She's amazing.

1424
01:31:22,260 --> 01:31:23,128
Yeah?

1425
01:31:23,895 --> 01:31:25,528
Yeah.

1426
01:31:25,530 --> 01:31:30,535
Well hey, if it doesn't
work out in Seattle,

1427
01:31:31,704 --> 01:31:33,269
or if you wanna
stick around here

1428
01:31:33,271 --> 01:31:36,908
and give it another
shot for any reason,

1429
01:31:36,910 --> 01:31:39,043
you're welcome to move back in.

1430
01:31:39,045 --> 01:31:40,845
Thanks, Dad.

1431
01:31:40,847 --> 01:31:45,583
Besides, your mom's driving
me crazy without you here.

1432
01:31:45,585 --> 01:31:46,650
Give your old man a hug.

1433
01:31:46,652 --> 01:31:47,785
I need to go check on your mom.

1434
01:31:47,787 --> 01:31:49,189
- Okay
- Hm.

1435
01:32:29,333 --> 01:32:30,166
Hold on a second.

1436
01:32:31,602 --> 01:32:34,936
This is getting,
nice really, really Arnie?

1437
01:32:34,938 --> 01:32:36,373
Wow.

1438
01:32:37,209 --> 01:32:38,040
Well, uh,

1439
01:32:40,045 --> 01:32:42,047
I guess this is goodbye.

1440
01:32:43,180 --> 01:32:44,881
No goodbyes,
only see ya later.

1441
01:32:46,417 --> 01:32:47,652
That's funny.

1442
01:32:48,787 --> 01:32:50,687
That's what my mom just said.

1443
01:32:50,689 --> 01:32:52,723
Your mom sounds
like a smart woman.

1444
01:32:52,725 --> 01:32:53,559
Yeah.

1445
01:32:54,793 --> 01:32:59,030
Well, um, I'll call
you when I get there.

1446
01:32:59,899 --> 01:33:02,069
Let you know how everything is.

1447
01:33:02,802 --> 01:33:04,134
If that's okay with you.

1448
01:33:04,136 --> 01:33:05,972
Yeah, I'd-I'd like that.

1449
01:33:07,007 --> 01:33:08,008
All right.

1450
01:33:08,876 --> 01:33:09,709
Well,

1451
01:33:11,078 --> 01:33:12,947
I guess I should be going.

1452
01:33:18,887 --> 01:33:20,722
See ya later, Arnie.

1453
01:33:24,826 --> 01:33:25,758
Madison.

1454
01:33:25,760 --> 01:33:26,594
Yeah?

1455
01:33:31,767 --> 01:33:33,635
I'll see ya later.

1456
01:33:34,370 --> 01:33:35,204
Later.

1457
01:34:26,460 --> 01:34:29,026
I noticed you
forgot a signature,

1458
01:34:29,028 --> 01:34:32,030
and don't worry, I let a
little air out of your ball

1459
01:34:32,032 --> 01:34:34,435
to make it more realistic.

1460
01:34:48,049 --> 01:34:50,483
Dear Future Employer,
what can I say

1461
01:34:50,485 --> 01:34:54,854
other than I love to cook,
and I mean I really love it.

1462
01:34:54,856 --> 01:34:58,524
Put me in the kitchen and I
light up like a Christmas tree.

1463
01:34:58,526 --> 01:35:01,095
Madison, you're such a dork.

1464
01:35:01,097 --> 01:35:04,765
And the food I put on the
plate, it's phenomenal.

1465
01:35:04,767 --> 01:35:06,801
I promise that if you
give me the opportunity

1466
01:35:06,803 --> 01:35:10,907
to show you what I can
do, I won't let you down.

1467
01:35:54,288 --> 01:35:56,255
You did this for me?

1468
01:35:56,257 --> 01:35:57,223
What?

1469
01:35:58,392 --> 01:36:00,926
Oh no, it's for one
of your neighbors.

1470
01:36:00,928 --> 01:36:02,361
They should be comin'
out any moment.

1471
01:36:02,363 --> 01:36:03,962
Smart ass.

1472
01:36:03,964 --> 01:36:05,565
Wait, what about the job?

1473
01:36:05,567 --> 01:36:07,600
About that, I
thought about it,

1474
01:36:07,602 --> 01:36:10,770
and do I really
wanna live in a place

1475
01:36:10,772 --> 01:36:14,575
where the NFL team mascot
isn't even a real bird?

1476
01:36:14,577 --> 01:36:17,011
You passed up a job
because of a mascot.

1477
01:36:17,013 --> 01:36:20,047
Well, that and you.

1478
01:36:22,518 --> 01:36:25,019
So, does that
mean you like me?

1479
01:36:25,021 --> 01:36:28,824
Well, I don't know if
I'd go as far to say like.

1480
01:36:28,826 --> 01:36:32,193
What's between like and loathe?

1481
01:36:32,195 --> 01:36:34,161
Would you shut up
and kiss me already?

1482
01:36:50,048 --> 01:36:51,280
Before we go any further,

1483
01:36:51,282 --> 01:36:53,649
I should probably put
those candles out.

1484
01:36:53,651 --> 01:36:55,085
Yeah, we should
definitely do that

1485
01:36:55,087 --> 01:36:57,253
before your car catches on fire.

1486
01:36:57,255 --> 01:36:58,755
What were you thinking
setting up candles

1487
01:36:58,757 --> 01:37:00,090
inside of your car anyway?

1488
01:37:00,092 --> 01:37:02,534
Oh, I don't know, I
thought it was romantic.

1489
01:37:02,536 --> 01:37:03,828
Subtitles by explosiveskull