libbies - Today at 5:43 AM
hey, can you let me know when you have some time to talk about something
Boops - Today at 5:44 AM
sure I have time
libbies - Today at 5:44 AM
and i'm kinda worried that this might go poorly, so if this isn't the best possible time for this, we can do this later
Boops - Today at 5:45 AM
I don't think there's such a thing as the best possible time for something.
now is good
libbies - Today at 5:45 AM
yeah, i figured, and anxiety probably makes prolonging this harder anyway
so
despite spending way too much time thinking about this, i haven't really been able to come up with a good way to say any of this
so forgive me for being a little blunt
so, i think i'm feeling neglected. and i realize that's a function of my own insecurity to some extent. but i think to some degree, it's on you to actually participate in the 'relationship' we have, and, maybe if that isn't something you can do, we should just end things, because it's becoming kinda miserable for me and i don't really know that i can continue this.
and that's not a binary decision, i just don't really know what to do
it's also not something i need a response to now either, i guess, although now might be easier.
Boops - Today at 6:02 AM
I've worried about neglecting you and lauren for months honestly, and i don't think that's an unfair feeling for you to have.

I'm not actively avoiding you, but I am pretty impulsive and generally driven by what feels good in the moment rather than obligations or long term type stuff. For the last couple months I've basically forced my sleep schedule to revolve around Z, and been spending a lot of time building my relationship with him and with Katie, and I'd be lying if I said the degree of time spent wasn't because that's a lot easier and feels immediately nicer than working through difficult patches riddled with communication difficulties and hurt feelings in my relationship with you.

There's also times when my heart wants to comfort you when you're having a hard time, but I end up having to weigh whether our anxieties triggering eachother is something I can deal with in that moment.

And this might be awful, but sometimes it feels like we get along best when we aren't trying to communicate, and we're just doing the physical intimacy, and I don't know if that's the healthiest basis for a relationship or not.

But yeah, I don't know what to do either. The obvious answer is commit more time to you and to lauren, but there's problems that I don't know how to deal with.
libbies - Today at 6:04 AM
it's not the basis fo a healthy relationship at all. also, i do think it's especially unfair to lauren too, especially if you're planning on spending extended periods of time away from her
Boops - Today at 6:04 AM
yeah.
Yeah I can't really argue with that.
I don't know what to do. do you want to talk about this in person, but maybe without looking at eachother because overwhelm?
libbies - Today at 6:08 AM
yes
Boops - Today at 6:08 AM
okey
libbies - Today at 6:08 AM
whatever works best for yo
i mean if just want to do this over text that's fine too
Boops - Today at 6:59 AM
im going to take a few hours and maybe write and talk about with other people before reengaging
libbies - Today at 6:59 AM
nods
Boops - Today at 7:16 AM
I think I might have spread my relationship spoons too thin and it's unfair to everyone who doesn't get immediately prioritized by me being really into that relationship at any given time.
libbies - Today at 7:17 AM
it's something you need to learn to manage if you think being poly is something you still want to be in the future
which isn't to say that i'm expecting you to do that here
just putting it out there
Boops - Today at 7:18 AM
yeah I know.
I need to figure out if our problems are something I'm genuinly willing and able to put in the spoons needed to help work through on a recurring basis.
libbies - Today at 7:19 AM
nods
that's fair.