Thread 26: Stories 1-15

Thread 26 archive:
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NC
>Chitania
"56"
__________

>So.

"So indeed."

>Nothing there?

"Absolutely nothing."

>Huh. Not even a twinge of "this is wrong, maybe I shouldn't?" None of that?

"It's plot, Auntie. Are you insinuatin' plot can be wrong? No, YOU'RE wrong. Plot is always right."

>But... it's my plot. That's what the hell I'm trying to figure out here. It's my plot you want.

"You seem surprised. Did you not see your own backside when you were all big and stuff? It was godly."

>I appreciate the 'godly' compliment but you're still a fucked up little Changeling, you know that, right? We're technically family. An estranged, murderous, back-stabbing family but family the same.

"Eh, your fault for havin' such a huge ass, Auntie. I'mma get it one day, see it comin'. I'mma snuggle the anger right outta ya."

>...

*POP*

"Whoa! Did your eye just-"

>AAAAAAAAAAGH WHAT IS THIS PAIN?
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>42
"Brain"
'???'
~~~~~

>EH HEH! AH'VH GOSH YA' NOW, BRAIN!

"Oh good lord, what it this!? I feel like I'm drowning or something!"

>Dish? Dish ish mah ultimate weapon! AH'VE FOUND SHA' PERFECT WAY TA' BEAT CHA!

"Beat ME!? I'm the one who's trying to STOP the stupid behavior!"

>Yeerr, shoo funneh, makin' me do all shat funny shuff, but lookit me now! Ah'm kickin' all kiiiiinds sha assh! Mishter drinkee is makin' you mah BISH!

"Oh sweet Chrysalis's chitinous backside! HOW MUCH DID YOU DRINK!?"

>ALLLLLLLL OF IT!

"This is bad, I am going to be in SOOOO much pain when you come down off this!"

>BUH IT'LL BE WORSH IT! Cause now ah'm not gonna do embarishin' stuff! No more shilly wooy fourshy twoee! AH'M ALL MARE!

"Really. So, then what are you doing right now?"

>Ah'll haff ya' know Ah' am currently rubbing up againsht a pillow.

"Pillow you say."

>Yes. Ish' nuh a good pillow, sho, caush ih's really flat. Shink shelesshia neesh better stuff.

"Is that a hallway window?"

>...Yeah, prolly.

"So you're in the hallway."

>....yeeeeeah?

"Many pillows in the hallway, you think?"

>...Waish a minunte....

"How many pink, fuzzy pillows with a giant crystal heart you ever seen?"

>...

"...It's her ass, we're currently snuggling Cadence's ass."

>...Sho... ah've become fiddy shix.... ish come ta' shis.

'42? It's three in the afternood, why are you drunk?'

>...Dun make me do it.

"I'm trying to make you stop, actually."

>Ah'm gonna do it.

"Don't do it!"

>Ish commin'!

"NO NO NO NO NO!"

>BLAAAAARGH!

'Oh no!... Shiny! I tried to warn you!... weren't you in the Empire? Why... why are you...'

>..Crishis averted....Zzzz...

"Body? Booodyyy... I am going to put that fucking 'pink fluffy unicorns' song on a loops for MONTHS! YOU HEAR ME!?...Ow... oowwwwwww."

>Zzzzzzzz....
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>SA
“Sombra”
'Pinkie Pie'
+Luna+

~~~

The stars above twinkle ominously as Shining Armor and Pinkie Pie arrive outside in the garden, clad in their protective suits. As they neared the Princess of the Night she looked up at them and smiled.

+Do you have everything you need to make this trip safely, Shining Armor? Pinkie Pie?+

>Yeah, everything's all set on my end.

'Perfectly fine!'

She nodded before turning towards the cause of this journey and frowned.

+... and you Sombra?+

“I too, am ready.”

+Very well, I am ready to teleport us at any time..

“Then let us not waste any more than is needed.”

With that said she looked up towards her domain, eyes glowing white and horn blazing with power.

+Let us be off.+

In a quick flash of blue light, the four of them found themselves standing on the edge of a gigantic crater. The sight before them

>Wow...

'Its beautiful..'

In the very center of the massive hole, all the way at the bottom, was a large and ornate tower made up of white stone.

“Otherworldly... what is this place?”

+This is my domain and that... is where I rule it from.+

>So this place is...

+This Sovereign Nation is mine... even if I am the only one in it.+

There was a moment of silence before she shook her head.
+Come, the opals you seek can be found in my chambers inside the tower.+

'Well that's going to be easy-peasy! Come on Shiny!'

>Hey! Pinkie!

She watched the two go and started trotting after them, Sombra floating next to her. After a moment he spoke.

“This is not going to be easy, is it Luna.”

Luna frowned and narrowed her eyes at the tower before them. Shadows danced behind its ancient windows as if a sinister presence was beckoning them towards their doom.

+I would not bet on it.+
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>Chrysalis
"Celestia"
~~

>HEY!

"Yes? What now?"

>Did he just leave!?

"Who?"

>Shiny!

"Yes?"

>THAT DICK!

"He didn't tell you because he was worried you would try to go with him."

>BECAUSE I TOTALLY WAS! It sounds so awesome! But nooooo! Crissy doesn't get to go to the cool moon land! Crissy has to stay here and fuck about with those losers while he's having fun!

"It's a personal thing."

>PERSONAL MY FUCKING HOOF!

"You can just say 'I wanted to be there to keep him safe' you know."

>...

Stunned, Celestia slowly turned.

"Wow... okay."

>What? Fuck you.

"Don't be like that, I'm not judging."

>I cannot be judged by you, so it would not matter if you were.

"No need to get hostile."

>I am not hostile. If I was hostile, you would be on the floor again.

"I let you win."

>Oh yes, I'm sure you totally let me, the frightening brainwashing love eating bug monster, run free and have reign upon your subjects because you just felt like napping, completely okay with the fact that for all you knew I wanted to eat them.

"...Okay, fine, that excuse does make me sound kind of bad."

>Exactly. Now, if you don't mind, I am going to-

"He was just worried about you."

>...

"He was. He always worries with you. He's worried that if something goes wrong, you'd step in for him thinking you were invincible. You wouldn't care how dangerous it looked because you would have told yourself it's not a big deal."

>Enough.

"I know because... he does the same thing to me. He knows that compared to us, he's not... he's not quite as durable, you know. And he knows how we feel. So..."

>...

"...Chrysalis, you-"

>I'm going shopping with Maney, thank you. Have a nice night, Celestia, and tell Shiny I drank all of his good wine.

She trotted off, surprisingly maintaining good poise and grace. Ignoring the sad sigh that came from Celestia.

"...'look out for her', he says, 'don't let her get crazy without me around again', he says.... damn I wish I could say no to that stallion."
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>Spike
"42"
~~~
42 walks out of the shower after another training session to see Spike still hunched on the bench, bloody and beaten from their match

"Hey, kiddo, why're you so glum?"

>... Two hundred forty eight to zero.

"Pardon?"

>My defeat victory ratio. I've been training... And Training... And training, and putting in every bit of effort I can. I've cancelled DnD games, meetups with Shining... And I still can't land a hit on you.

"H-Hey! You've hit me plenty of times! 77 too! And Pinkie was still limping from your last fight!"

>77 threw his fights so he could go visit the bathroom memorial, Pinkie let me get in those hits, and you got distracted... Am I really making any progress?

42 awkwardly hugs Spike, startling him

"You have, kiddo, you really have. 77 might have given you an opening to decide things, but they're always small. He's trying to test your ability to seize opportunity rather than just hit hard. You have landed hits on me, and let's face it, you've come along way in less than a year while I've been fighting my whole life, and nearly every match lately I've always stacked the odds against you. Taken Charity away, had you fight me and the crystal guards, used the harness... As far as Pinkie's concerned? That mare thrives on bullshit and could probably beat Chitania with no adequate reason. Point is, you still need to give yourself time."

>Thanks, 42.

Slowly, spike hugs her back, crying against her carapace a bit

>By the way... Why have you been so distracted-?

"OH, LOOK AT MY WRIST. I NEED TO TAKE OVER FOR 77."

>But he just started his shift fifteen minutes-

"TIME SURE FLIES. LIKE ME."

CRASH!

Spike slowly smiles

>... Someday, 42, I really hope you get everything you've earned.
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>SA
“Sombra”
'Pinkie Pie'
+Luna+

~~~~~

As the group arrived at the tall doors of the tower. Luna walked forward and placed her hoof in a circular depression in the center. Magic flared to life as runes began to appear all over the door taking the shape of the moon cycle. Once the full moon was complete, the doors opened inward and revealed a grand entrance way.

'Wow.'

“That was an incredibly strong magical lock.”

>I've never scene anything like it.

+And you may never see anything like it again. A lot has been gained through out the ages... but so much lost as well. This door took five years to be crafted. It was a gift from Starswirl... always trying to cheer me up. He said as long as I'm behind it, I will be safe from harm.+

>Wow... Twilight would love to see this.

+Another time perhaps, for now we must go up.+

As the Luna, Pinkie, and Shining made their way inside Sombra paused at the doorway. He could feel it. Dark Magics. Subtly hidden, an almost non existent wave in the air. Something evil lurked within this place.

“...”

Sombra lingered only a moment longer before making his way inside. He soon caught up with his companions leaving the entrance way behind. A moment later, in the darkness a pair an ominous shadow flitted across the floor.

-...soon.-
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Non-canon
>Pinkie
"Chitania"
~~~
"SO I HEARD A CERTAIN PINK LITTLE SHIT THINKS SHE CAN BEAT ME THROUGH THE POWER OF COMEDY!"

>... Banana peel on the floor?

Chitania crushes the banana peel

>YOU KNOW COMEDY GOES BOTH WAYS?

"... eep."

One brutal beat down later...

"Fuck you, 42... Seriously... fuck you for invoking her name."
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NC
>Pinkie
"Chitania"
~~~~

>AH HAH! I'm back, baby! And I've got allllll kinds of prep time stacked up now! I'm the hero and I've got full plot armor, and you are doomed! HIYA~!

*CRACK!*

>HOW!?

"Do you mind? I really do not want any trouble right now, I need to get this thing back to where ever it belongs"

>...Is that a-

"Someone seriously just dropped this baby in the street! Can't fucking believe my luck, dropped right on me when I was climbing that ladder I hit you with."

>...SON OF A BI-

*CRACK!*

"Not in front of the baby!"
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non-canon
>Spike
"Fizzle"
~~~
>Hmmm, suddenly it smells of unoriginality in here. What's this? Fawntine Futuristics, and no little orphans being tortured in plain sight. Progress.

"You have been chosen to reveal my existence to the world! You will witness what happens here today, and you will tell of it later! Except you won't! 'Cause i'll have killed ya! AHAHAHAHAH!"

>Wow... Brilliant speech. And unoriginal too. You totally stole that from Boondock Princesses.

"What? no I didn't! i came up with it a week ago!"
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>SA
“Sombra”
'Pinkie Pie'
+Luna+

~~~~~

'So... The moon isn't made out of cheese?'

+If I hear that question one more time in my life, I swear I will mount their flanks on my chamber walls.+

>"..."

'He he... lewd.'

+What did you say?+

'Nothing! So I was wondering if I could bring some moon rocks home with me!'

+I see no harm in allowing you to take some home, but why?+

'Breeding purposes.'

>... I thought you "grew" rocks, not bred them.

'Oh we do! Maud is looking into cross mineral fertilization for a hard but lighter stone and maybe moon rocks might be the key!'

+...I should have realized sooner that she was of the Pie family.+

"I had the same realization only weeks ago before we visited the Pie Rock Farm."

+... Umm...did you happen to see Boulder while you were there?+

"Yes, actually... we had... a moment so to speak."

>Damn it...I had just gotten over the trip to Pinkie's and you're bringing all that up again!?

'Aww don't cry now, Shiny! We'll be seeing my family again really soon! You can cry then!'

*Twitch.*

>...There is no pride in this liquid...
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>Chrysalis
"Celestia"
-Maneiac-
--------

"...You 'went for a walk',?"

>Yep.

"You went for a walk through the everfree with Maneiac, at night."

>Yep.

"The same maneiac who then found a field of Poison joke and you both decided to braid her hair with it."

>Yep, the whole thing.

"Then, because maneiac was being...maneiac, you were attacked by several manticores who were quite rudely awakened."

>Yep, very light sleepers or so i've heard.

"And because you thought it would be hilarious, you let maniac take them all on at once with her braids."

>Yep, and you have to admit that mental image is hilarious.

"Of course, the poison joke took effect at that exact moment, growing her hair to ridiculous lengths even by maniac's standards, entangling you, a pack of manticores and maniac herself.

>Yep, shame about the braids snapping, they looked real nice.

"Maneiac then tried to fix it by retracting her hair, but that only made the tangles stronger and tighter so naturally, she kept trying."

>Yep, was a solid effort, A+ to maney.

-MY THANKS!-

"Resulting in you and the manticores being stuck in an afromane the size of a small boulder, unable to move, as maneiac

>"rolled you all back to canterlot like a giant ball of marshmellow." Yes it's like i didnt just get through explaining this, now if you dont mind i have things to do.

"What 'things', you are literally stuck to at least six manticores and nothing we have seems to be able to cut this hair without killing you all in the process. What 'things' could you possibly do right now?

>Take an enthusiastic walk through the woods?

-Dont you mean roll?-

>Yes, yes i do. AWAY!


-MWAH-HAHAHAHAHA-HA-HA-HA, HA-HA-HAHA-HA-~
>nana-nanananana-na-na-na na-na-nana-na...


"He cant seriously expect me to be at fault for somehow not preventing that."
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>18
"42"
'Cadence'
~~~~~~~

>42! I need you to taste something for me real quick, I'm testing something out.

"Oh? Are you trying a new recipe?"

>Nah, trying to make my chitin taste like chocolate.

"...Huh. Weird mental image."

*SLAM!*

'I CAN'T BELIEVE HIM!'

>Neither can I. Seriously, Shatters drops like half of my work whenever I try to make him carry it.

"He has the shakes!"

'I MEANT SHINY!'

>Oooh. Yeah, he's kind of unreal, isn't he? Mmmm.. out of this world.

"..."
'...'

>...You were saying?

'He just left without even a goodbye kiss!'

>Ooo, poor form.

"I'm sure he would have if he had the time."

'You make time for your wife!'

>Says the mare who can't put a hooficure off to get some of that UMF!

'This is different!'

>Yeah, he didn't actually run out of the room from you. Unlike that one time.

'IT WAS JUST THAT ONE TIME! I WAS SO LATE!'

>You see this, 42? This is a mare who takes stuff for granted.

'I DO NOT!'

"It's probably not that bad. Shining Armor should have at least warned a guard or something."

'See!? Why can't you take my side like she does?'

>Startling lack of sympathy towards your missing of kissy time, I guess? You know how often I've gotten some lip service?

'He's MY husband!'

>Just saying.

'UGH! You sound like Chrysalis sometimes.'

"Now, hold on, she's not THAT bad."

>Damn straight. While Chrysalis is off rubbing her ass all over his papers to get him to notice her, you know what I'm doing? Sitting here, at this desk. Which you are taking for granted.

'I am not!'

>Oh, you are.

'AM NOT!'

>You've been complaining to me this whole time now about how Shining Armor chose to go off rather than let you put on that nifty little suit I know you had Twilight make to 'surprise' him and join his little game, because the last time you got into a fight you got punted into a tower like a football, and my gosh, he's worried about you getting hurt. Oh, it's not enough that he's so terrified for your well being he'll deprive HIMSELF of some goodbye smoochies, which you just knoooow he loves, but now you get to complain to me, the mare who's sitting around doing allll your work about just how nasty it is. And normally, I listen really well! But you know what? I haven't slept in THREE. DAYS. I have not slept. I HAVE NOT SLEPT. And assholes just keep barging into my office and whining about Shiny, about how they don't think they're good enough about allllll sorts of things! So. You'll forgive me if I'm a touch cranky, as unlike bigbug down the hall, I don't get a plus fifteen INT boost from coffee, I just get a chance to stave off sleep deprivation for juuuust a bit longer. But hey, you want a goodbye kiss? Come on over, I'll give you plenty of su-

*poke!*

*WHUMP!*

>ZZZZZZZZzzzzz.....

'...Did you just-'

"Pressure point, she'll be fine."

'...I kind of feel bad now.'

"Yeah, she gets like that when she doesn't sleep. Me or Shiny usually have to drag her out most days."

'...Why is your nose bleeding?'

"...Training with Spike earlier, took a hook to my nostrils."

'It started bleeding when she said-'

"Pure coincidence."

'You want me to look at it?'

"Do I want you to get so close to my face you can see inside my nose?"

'Yeah?'

"....No. No I do not want that."

'...It's coming out pretty fast-'

"HARK! THE PUNCHBUG SIGNAL! AWAY!"

*CRASH!*

>Smhms!... mmuhmindow.....mmm... shinny broookin mah window....wishmeeeee... fuuuuuuklin me........mmmmmmmmm..

'...What the hell happened to my life?'

>mmmm.....

~~~
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"Cadance"
[Crystal Guard]
>????

In the halls of the Crystal Palace

"Hmm, 18 has been kind of on edge lately. Then again, if she really hasn't been sleeping I suppose that's not that surprising.

"She IS doing a lot of work. Work technically I'm supposed to be doing, and would except it kind of needs to be done right"

"WHY AM I SO BAD AT PRINCESSING!"

"Alright Cadance, there's no need to get loose ends over this, focus on what you can do."

"You are pretty good at cheering ponies up. You do know just about every pony in the empire. And you do have a couple of extra passes to the spa."

"I know, I'll bake 18 a thank you cake!"

[Princess, a message for you]

"Thank you sir. Hmm, a reminder of my spa appointment."

"Better idea! I'll invite 18 to the spa! And I can even get a couple of accountants to cover her shift. I know a few that would be happy to help for a day."

"42 seems a little stressed also. I should invite her as well. It's only fair."

"I'm sure she'd love to be on the receiving end of a massage for once. And then we can all just soak our flakes in a mineral bath together have have some girl talk. Oh, I'm so excited!"

>SO AM I!

"What?"

>YOU HEARD NOTHING!

*crash*

"Darn, did another window shatter? I'll have to talk to the window makers about that. It seems rather silly to have windows that just shatter for no reason.

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>29
"32"
~~~~~~

>My beshackled kin! I have returned with-

"HOLY SHIT!"

>AH! What!?

"You came back!"

>...I was only gone for a day.

"I know! And then you came back!"

>...I feel like I'm missing something.

"And you brought things!"

>Ah, yes, Zecora had this lovely tome of her people, and I everyone else in Ponyville gave me a funny look when I asked if they wished to know more about Zebras. I think that town might be racist.

"...Huh."

>Yeah, surprised me too. Zecora's amazing!...When she's not robbing me blind. Okay, she hasn't done that in forever, I admit that, but it still stings.

"...Huhhh..."

>Yes, I actually recently bequeathed a soul of a zebra to the great beyond as well... he actually wanted me to just punch myself in the face... I don't get it either. But here I am! With words spoken unlike any other, we can join and... are you alright?

"..."

*POKE!*

>OW!

"HOLY SHIT YOU'RE REAL!"

>... And slightly disturbed, actually. Is thine hunger making your head unto air? Touch my hoof, I have a bit to spare.

"Was the rhyme intentional?"

>...I don't even know anymore.

"I jus-ooooohhhh... that's niiiiice."

>Yes, ah, that's from Marie, actually. She's very appreciative of my help running the town.

"...Indeed. Tell me, 29, about this town in which you live."

>Oh, it's quite impressive.

"Do tell... do tell... HUSH THORAX HE IS TALKING!... Thank you, Reggie! Listen to him!"

>...

"...Continue... and put some class into it."

>A-hem. Mine Ville of Ponies, both great and small...
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>Pennydrop
"R&D pony"
{Transformers}
~~~~

>I tasked you with making more consumer friendly products for the middle class. Here's your chance to wow me.

"You won't be disappointed about this. I call these newest machines...Transformers! They're ro-uh...bots that can be disguised as other things."

>...okay you have my attention.

"Check out our first Transformer. It's disguised as a toaster! Doubles as a working toaster too! Now you can have a toast anywhere and be protected!"
Toaster transforms into a bot and back into a toaster again.

>Hmmmm....not impressed. Someone must be really desperate for a toaster to buy this. What else do you have?

"Uh, our next prototype is a Transformer that can change into a refrigerator. Feeling thirsty? Now you can have your drink on the go, thanks to the Fridgeratoooooor"

*Whiiir* *Whir*
{Consider your thirst and your enemies terminated...}
It fires a soda can into the mouth of a pony dummy.

>...really?

"Well, how about this one? It's a bot that can transform into a sofa! A SOFA! Ma'am, you won't ever have to get up again."
{When you have a surprise nap attack, I'll be there to support you.}

>....I'm starting to think these weren't targeted at the middle class. These products are made for really lazy ponies...

"You said consumer friendly. Not only are they combat ready, they're made to help ease machines into every day life. These machines are a step towards social acceptance. Please ma'am, we've actually put a lot of thought into this. Look, we even have story boards to start a Transformer cartoon...uh with your permission of course."

>...I suppose it's about time we started targeting a younger demographics to get future loyal consumers. They're going to have to have more interesting disguises though...like a ship or helicopter or something...what's that over there?

"Oh, that transformer can turn into a mobile cappuccino maker and dispense breakfast muffins. The muffins aren't particularly great, but it can make a mean cappuccino."

>...I want this. This is going places.

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