Keenan Sailer
May 18, 2017
>be at work, browsing tinder
>match with chubby mid 30's cunt with kids, going through a divorce
>asks me my weight, send her a shirtless pic
>sends me address of her hotel, asks me how long til I can be there
>I'm at work, it's midnight, tell her i can be there when I get off at 6 AM
>she says thats not fast enough
>I tell her in the next 30 minutes
>i immediately go on break
>drive to hotel, let me friends on discord know that I'm meeting tinder whore to uncuck myself
>they tell me not to go, i could get raped
>some egg me on
>I pull up, she tells me her room number
>the way shes talking makes me suspicious
>i decide fuck it, I'm going in, do it for the meme.
>I'm in the hotel lobby
>ask the man at the front desk a question
>"Where is room 143? Is it in this building?"
>He looks at me blankly before answering
>"Yes."
>a long pause, felt like minutes, probably only seconds
>"Well where is it?"
>"What's your name?"
>"Anon."
>he typed my name into his computer
>It's not showing up with any rooms
>"Your name isn't in here. Do you know the name of the person you're meeting here?"
>"no... I'll just have them come get me."
>pull out phone and predetermined that if this lady was real, she would be a landwhale.
>decide that when I see her, I would yell "DAMN YOU A FAT BITCH" and run
>I text her to come get me
>about 3 minutes later the whole building starts to shake
>as she waddles to the front desk, the glass windows start to crack
>she can see that I'm nervous
>"First time?"
>fuck man, play it cool.
>"nah."
>she walks me to her room
>I enter the room, scared it's a set up and I'm about to be raped by a nigger
>She locks the door behind us after we enter.
>"Can I check the closets and room?"
>"Hehe, go ahead, I understand."
>check the bathroom and closet, it's all empty
>she sits on one side of couch, the other side pops up
>I sit on the high end to bring it back down
>she starts to talk to me
>"So you're on break right now?"
>"Yeah."
>"So you're in a hurry?"
>"Not really."
>"You like older women?"
>Of course not you dumb cunt, you just happen to have a vagina and you're easy "Yeah."
>"Lots of younger boys like older women."
>she goes on about all the young men she has fucked ever since her husband initiated the divorce
>The clock is ticking, I'm already late getting back to work from break
>I make the first move
>I climb this mountain of a woman to reach her lips and we start making out
>she fucking straddles me
>lungs losing out on air
>getting weaker and weaker, I move this to the bed
>I suck on her titties
>I pull down her panties and start licking her pussy
>tastes a bit like stale piss
>shes obviously drunk, moaning a ton as a result
>eventually I pull my cock out and climb mt Everest again
>push my noodle into one of her caves
>so loose, feel like an explorer
>proceed to pump for about a minute
>cum immediately cause I imagine I'm pumping someone thinner and hotter
>keep humping cause I like to service m'ladys
>she moans for me to go slower
>proceed for about 3 more minutes, have to stifle my laughter
>I had my mic on my phone enabled in the discord server the whole time
>about 15 friends/strangers are listening to me pump a landwhale
>phone is literally buzzing nonstop from notifications
>shove face in landwhales tits so she doesn't see me laughing
>after a few more minutes, remember I have work
>I get off her, she slips under blankets, expecting me to cuddle
>women always want to fucking cuddle after fucking
>i just put on my clothes
>I grab my phone that's still buzzing off the hook
>I unsilence it and say
>"Can you guys hear me?"
>a girl says "Yeah?"
>everybody else is shooshing one another
>I look the landwhale dead in the eyes with the phone in front of my mouth, she can hear every single word
>I continue to stare her in the eyes and say
>"You know what they call me? They call me the minute man"
>the entire discord voice chat bursts out in laughter
>She's got this confused look on her face
>I turn around, unlock the door, and sprint outta there
>It's raining once I get outside
>I have been rebirthed by God himself
>Thank you mother nature
>She texts me a few minutes later calling me an asshole
>She tells me she's got herpes
>I tell her I've already got em
>She texts back "Do you really?"
>She's clearly worried, I called her out on her bluff with my own bluff
>dumb bitches gonna be bitches
>mfw the whole thing was recorded
>mfw I have the link to the recording
>mfw I always go back every few weeks to listen to it all over again.

I'll post the link if there's any interest.