I learned something about myself recently

I learned something about myself recently
Many people say they use video games as a way to "escape"
Well, video games, computer, music, art, philosophy
those types of things
I think for me it's more like everything else is the escape from those things
Everything just seems like biding time until I can get back to the computer or game console or book
And that's why I don't like playing real instruments as much. Once the honeymoon period of learning how to play is over, it's just biding my time. It reminds me of reality. I think of the people who've taught me, telling me what to do, and I feel removed from it (reality I guess).
And that's why I like listening to video game music and obscure tracker music, synth-like stuff
It's removed from reality
It's not "a song by ____" (even though it is)
it's more like "Concept album of this concept"
I've noticed I have two very distinct modes in how I operate
"reality" and...
I don't know
"fiction"? " true reality" ?
Plato called it the "formal world"
basically just, the land of ideas (the INTP world lol)
That's why I enjoy being with one person who I can get along with, but not with much more than that, and especially not with people who I can't really talk about any greater ideas with (people who only casual talk, I guess).
People remind me of reality.
Unless I can discuss "super-reality" with them
in which case, they're a means to an end, a way of learning more (remember, INTPs consume knowledge as people eat food).
that "like/hate" people situation
where I desire the comfort, love, compassion, forgiveness.
the qualities of a relationship
but not really the reality of it.
the "human" aspect of it (I hate calling things human. The "human condition". Those things are the same for all sentient beings, maybe even gods as well.)
I'm glad I got all this out.
It feels very important.
Time to make a pastebin text for it
It feels very important because I don't feel like I've heard this before.
Other people describe similar things (video games as a means of escape), but it's not really the same.
I greatly value freedom because without it, usefulness is demanded. I wouldn't be useful to anyone other than myself because I only value learning for myself. Teaching is fun as a sort of challenge or puzzle to get someone to understand something.
it's strange
"learning", "playing", "experiencing"
we don't have a good word that is all-encompassing of it
in le ole English language.
the type of thing you're doing when playing a sport, or playing an instrument, or playing a video game, or developing a video game, or reading a book, or writing a book, or listening to a song, or composing the same song. "Appeal to the human condition" is a phrase people like to use (especially Jon Blow).
it kind of gets at what I'm trying to say
creativity
but not really because knowledge is never really created or destroyed, just discovered (also goes to my views on copyright, how two people can discover the same concept from opposite ends of the globe on the same day, but the one who says they discovered it first is credited)
The Formal World already contains everything that can be thought, said, or experienced and more.
that's why I say learning
it can be discovering anything
like going out into nature and learning to love it or something
hiking can be a type of learning
things that are, as Coco Corianderson would say, "for teh soule"
Cory has an old playlist
"Music for teh soule"
or something like that
I love nature in concept, but I find going out into it boring. Or looking at paintings, I have trouble appreciating them. I could be experiencing hundreds of works of art that I find much more interesting than a lady smiling coyly, on reddit.
I value the uniqueness of ideas because that adds into my brain a place where the possibility of that idea can exist. Nature is kind of...a snapshot that's mostly the same.
And has tons of bugs that I endlessly imagine crawling into various orifices of my body in horror
I've had so many nightmares of houses just flooded with bugs
I don't break into a sweat just thinking about them and at this point, I value my free time enough that if I see a spider on the wall I don't really give a shit, but the fear is still there.
Nature is kind of...a snapshot that's mostly the same.
but yeah, that's mostly the problem^
I feel kind of spiritually dead
in the sense of what most people consider
I mean, I don't even believe in spirits
I also don't believe we go anywhere in death (which makes it a bit silly that I bother going to such lengths to learn when I will die, a bit like a "high score" in life, I guess)
And I don't really believe there's any large difference between us and animals.
I see the animal nature in the vast majority of decisions most people make.
capitalism is based on self-serving
Also, side note, greatest argument for vegetarianism:
"Would we eat humans with the brains of animals?"
To clarify, humans who suffered a mental handicap to the point that their levels of thought are on-par with that of an animal's
if the fact that they're inferior mentally is all that matters (I'm anti-death & pain, I don't care whether they're inferior or not), if that is eliminated though, the only thing that's left is "well they're a different species" (speciesism)
but different species of the same level of intellect, we consider as humans (an alien on the level of intelligence)
so it's hypocritical to say speciesism is okay in some cases and not others
so we consider the physically inferior worthy of caring for, and we would consider other species as our own if they had our intellect
I guess the true way of what someone thinks of vegetarianism is,
If an alien, whose culture and brain is as advanced as that of ours, has suffered a mental handicap so that he/she has the mental capacity of an animal, is it okay to eat him/her?