Thread 14: Stories 31-45

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>Chrysalis
"Twilight"
~~

>Twilight Sparkle, how nice it is to see you again! How are you?

"..."

>Hmmm? Is there a problem? Oh! I know! you want me to decode something, right?

"..."

>Explain something? Scan me with something? Do your very best to find that oooone little kink in my armor that just may aid you one day?

"..."

>Well, no! I have not time for your little games! I am the QUEEN of the Changelings, and I have better things to do with my time than face you in a game of wits. Not today, Sparkle, not today! TODAY I SHALL-

"A-actuaalllly...."

>...

"...I... um... I heard you had a giant slide?"

>...

~~~~~~

"WHEEEEEE~!"

>WHEEEEEEEE~!

>"WHEEEEEEEEEEEE~!"
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>Lightning Dust

The skies above Galloping Gorge were still. The winds whipped the cloudtops into whorls and spikes of white, speckled here and there with dark patches that would flash with lightning. A beautiful river of multicolored light spilled off the east side, its source a ceramic-white tube with a grate affixed.

>Not long after we all took our leave of that place, I got a postcard in the mail.
A hoof slammed once against the grate. Twice. Three times. The thing tilted from the force, and one last desperate buck threw it through the air, passing cleanly through the cloud cover to land in the field below.

>There was nothing on it but the smell of rotten eggs and spoiled food, but the postmark on it said Cloudsdale, Equestria.
A rainbow-soaked pegasus mare crawled out of the rainbow runoff outlet, chest heaving as she dragged herself over the edge of the pipe and fell messily into a chromatic puddle.

>Cloudsdale... right where we'd left her and that building. That's where she escaped.
An orange mare with a fiery mane crawled to her hooves, looking up to the clear sky above and rending her "uniform" off of her as she let out a primal scream of relief and blind emotion.

>When I picture her flying southeast with her wings flared and smelling like last week's garbage, it always makes me laugh.
She glides, barely conscious of her surroundings, a visible haze of green odor trailing behind her as she drifts slowly towards her house.

>Spitfire... who crawled through a river of rainbows and came out smelling like shit on the other side.
The mare landed, at long last, outside her own front door. It looked almost alien to her. In the haze of that brain-dulling stink bomb, time lost all meaning. She could have been trapped for hours or months.

>Spitfire... headed for a shower.
The first drops were like distilled orbs of heaven rolling over her face and wings as she scrubbed and scrubbed. It was bliss.
~~~
April Fools was rough...
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>AJ2
"Mane-iac"
~~~~

>EEEHEHEHE! Yer' hair's amazin'!

"Foool! My mane is the most POWERFUL weapon in my arsenal, a weapon only gained in the accident that drove me MAAAAAAADAHAHAHAH!"

>...I think it's cool.

"Thank you, I agree."

>...*INHALE!*

"Don't you mean gasp?"

>AH' JUST REALIZED!

"..."

>...YOU... CAN HUG.... EEEEVVVERYBODY!

"...Let's do this."

>YEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

And then they hugged the world.
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>Queen Tardigracia
{Various changelings}
---------
>Okay is everyone attached to their buddy?
>You two, add more goo, if we dont have everyone on this we're going to overshoot the target and just drift in space forever.
{Yes m'am.}
>Alright is everyone ready? No dont try and salute you idiots just nod your heads.
>Right, good. He said i just had to hit this center thing with enough force.
*thud*
>No? Maybe, here?
*bang*
>Oh wait, now i remember.
*tink*

Many kilometres away, a white flash suddenly appears on the horizon, the only witniss to the hives rapid ascent waving a polka dotted hankerchief with his clawed hand.
The, by this point, orbital queen, turned towards the ground that she and her hive had just recently vacated, only to scream with impotent rage at the words emblazoned on the large mushroom cloud spawned by their ascent.

IT ISNT ACTUALLY A PLANET, LOVE: D

NON CANON
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>Chrysalis
"SA"
~~~~

*SLAM!*

>HOLY SHIT!

"...Huh. Thought I banned those comics from my country. Entirely."

>You did! I hopped over to Canterlot and grabbed a copy.

"Look, try not to get too mad-"

>What? Too mad at what? This stuff is AMAZING! Finally, a book for someone like myself, with all the kickass action and sexy themes I always wanted! Look at this page, the guys eyeballs popped right out of his head! HAH! So mature!

"Stretching the word 'mature' a bit there."

>You just don't get art.

"So, you don't have any problems with "Empress Exoskeleton" getting mind broken and made to serve as Luminous Shield's sidekick/frequent unwilling lover?"

>No? Why would I? I thought that was sexy.

"..."

>...Huh... come to think of it, I found it really sexy, really really sexy. This is weird, I haven't really found stuff THIS sexy since...

"..."

>....HOLY SHIT! Is... is that YOU! Is this based off YOU!?

"Not officially, no. I signed off on no part of this."

>OH MY GOSH THAT'S ME! Invaded the wedding, defeated, and-OH HELL NO! I AIN'T NOBODIES SEX-TOY! YOU FUCKERS GO RIGHT TO TARTARUS AND TELL 'EM CRISSY SENT YA!

"Wait, the thing that finally made this all connect to you was how sexy you found it?"

>You may have unintentionally ruined me, nether tingly wise. Went to a yoga place the other day, didn't even zing a bit. Watched you finally pin 42 down when you were sparring, and WOW! Lit me up like a firework.

"...F-fu... You know, before you walked in today, that was one of my proudest memories. I looked back at that and smiled. You know what I see now? I see you, hiding around the corner, doing something that makes my eye twitch. You ruined that for me, and I want you to know that."

>Yeah, well, you ruined my favorite comic book for me, so NEH.

"At least you aren't still turned on by it."

>...Would it be creepy if I said maybe just a LITTLE bit?

"Extremely."

>Oh. Well, I won't say it.

"..."

>...But I'mma think-

"I know."
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>Twilight
"Red"
'Blue'
-Green-
[Yellow]
{Indigo}
~~~~

>I don't know about this...

"Prince Shining Armor's orders! Oooo! I like this one!"

>I know, and Shiny normally knows what he's doing, but you guys going through my trash for weaponry is a little, er, concerning.

'DIBS ON THE LANCE!'

-Oh hell yes! This axe has a gun in the bottom!-

[HEY! I wanted the daggers! Look at them, they were MADE to be yellow!]

{No, take the bow. This fits much better with my dark and brooding personality.}

"Is that what you're going for?"

'Never came across.'

{...Fine, I'll take the damn bow.}

[YAAAY-OW!}

"'-{YELLOW!}-""

"Will you ever learn?"

*Shared laughter*

>...No, really, I threw that stuff out for a reason.

"Oh? What's wrong with my sword?"

>Well, it was supposed to be an energy weapon, but it burns out in four seconds. Useless as all hell for long fight. The lance was supposed to be something that attracted and re-directed lightning, but it needs a lightning cloud to work, very limiting. The axe works fine, it's just that it's an axe with a gun in the handle. So, logically, you're pointing the gun at yourself when you swing it. The daggers... are just daggers, all the do is come back when you throw them. Nothing special, and the bow is really dumb when you realize we have guns.

"...Anything else?"

>Those aren't reasons enough?

"'-{[No.]}-'"

>...Good luck, guys.

"HA! As if we need it!"

"'-{[RAINBOLTS, TOKUSENTAI!]}-'"

*BOOM!*

>MY LAB!
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>SA
{Rainbolts}
~~~~~

>NO! STEP AWAY FROM THE JUGGERNAUT! NO! BAD CHANGELINGS! YOU GET THE HOSE!

{Awwww, come o-BLUBLUBLIB}

>NO!
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>Twi
"42"
~~~
We tune in tonight with our heroines in Twilight's laboratory and 42 on the operating table

>And when the patient woke up, his skeleton was missing, and the doctor was never heard from again!

>"AHAHAHAahahaha!"

>And that's how I lost my medical license the first time.

"-Hahah.... Uhhh... By the way, should I really be awake for this?"

>Don't be such a baby, 42. It's just going to be a little injection.

"I'm not being a baby!"

42 protests while discreetly trying to break free of her binds, struggling only harder when she sees the needle

>42, do you want threesome with Shiny and Spike?

"WHAT!?!"

>All done!

Twilight holds up a full syringe and then undoes the binds.

>Was that so bad?

"Seriously, that was a cheap shot!"

>Well, in medicine, we do what works, okay? Besides, the look on your face was priceless.

"Right, okay, so you have my blood, what now?"

>Well, your blood, I just wanted for a minor check up. I haven't seen any of you guys get sick, but I don't want to take a chance, make sure we can catch things early. And Chrysalis thinks I only want to study changelings to destroy you all. Yeesh, she's the one who asked me to look into a permanent cure for Cordyceps. If a cure doesn't work on her because of her half-pony DNA, then I'll half a mind to-

"Help her anyway? Even if it kills you?"

>... Yes.

42 smiles

"So... about my 'love flare ups'?"

>Oh, yes, for that, for now I just want you to wear this harness so I can collect data. Isn't it combatively stylish? Rarity helped with the aesthetic design.

It's a lacy, tacticool vest

"Uhhh..."

And pink.

"I... Love it... How long will I have to wear this?"

>Oh, two weeks to a month. Though if you could wear it a full year, it's always nice to have more data! But I should be able to figure out something with at least two weeks.

"Two weeks it is! I mean, I don't want such a valuable piece of equipment destroyed in a fight!"

>Oh, don't worry, Rarity and I made lots!

"Oh, joy..."
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~SA~
-Chrysalis-
"Cadence"
'AJ13'

~Cookies... Added to "the list."~

"Oh come on, Shiny, they didn't turn out that bad."

~Sweetie, you somehow managed to mix lye up with sugar. How, I don't know. But for the safety of our kingdom, I'm seriously considering passing a law banning princesses from cooking.~

"But-"

~No. Now throw them away before somepo- Where'd the plate of cookies go?~

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤
Meanwhile, a certain Queen was up to nefarious queen stuff.
-MUWAHAHA, ALL THE CONFECTIONS SHALL BE MIIINE-

'Hail to you, your majesty.'

-Ah, drone. Perfect timing. Kinda scary actually. Regressed... I HAVE A RAIDING MISSION FOR YOU!-

'AW SWEET! DOES THIS MEAN I'M FINALLY GETTING PROMOTED?'

-Wha-No. Why would you think you're about to get a promotion?-

'Awww...'

-Don't look so swollen, I'll let you have some of the haul.-

¤¤¤¤¤
Ahhh, first time. Scared.
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>32
"Twilight"

>Aha, Princess Sparkle, just the mare I wanted to see.

"Hello 32, you realize the do not disturb sign was on my lab, yes?"

>Indeed I did.

"And that all my safety precautions were up, yes?"

>Air ducts are so lovely this time of year.

"And the laser grids."

>Spent a summer deep cover in the Stalliongrad Ballet.

"And that only somepony with my DNA could bypass the door. Disregarding the retina scan and verbal password."

>Paid off a guard to obtain your hairbrush, shapeshifting is my specialty, and you practically scream 'Twience Rules' every time you enter here.

"...touchè. Well why are you here?"

>I had an idea, a brainstorm, really, no, a brain monsoon. The ramifications of which could improve the combat abilities of the hive and by virtue of that, Equestria.

"You're really talking this up, 32."

>Perhaps I am being a bit verbose, but trust me, it's worth it. Princess Sparkle, I propose a series of tests cross-referencing the combat effectiveness of my various prospective forms against our current arsenal. I believe that there is some serious untapped potential for my species in terms of versatility.

"I...wow, I don't know why 42 or 77 haven't thought of this."

>They're primarily melee-centric, and while I'm not afraid to scrap, I believe I'm better suited to a long range role when not attempting infiltration. Further, this could open roles for my brothers and sisters in the greater Equestrian military.

"Hmm...alright, I'm only doing about twenty other things right now, give me some time to set a few trials together and we'll get to it."

>Fantastic, Twience rules!

"Twience ru-HEY!"
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>Dadling
"Bat-Mom"
'Store pony'
~~~~~

>BLUE!

"WHITE!"

>BLUE!

"WHIIIITE!"

>BLUUUUUUUUE!

"I WILL CUT YOU AND PAINT IT RED, HOW ABOUT THAT!?'

>IT'D BE GREEN, DUMMY!... I think... What color DO I bleed?

"WE'RE ABOUT TO FIND OUT!"

'...Soooo, need another five minutes to decide what paint you want for the nursery?'

"Could you make it ten?"

'Honey, does it LOOK like you're the first couple to walk in here? You need twenty, minimum.'

"Appreciate it... WHIIIIIIITE!"

>BLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUE!
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[Blue]
{Red}
~~~
[There it is again, I swear I'm being called!]

{And the rest of us aren't? Keep dreaming, Blue.}
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>Red
"Blue"
'Green'
[Yellow]
{Indigo}
~~~
{How? How could it have come to this?!}

'Our own teammates, locked in such mortal combat! Such anger between them!'

{How can we hope to work as a team when our two strongest are so at odds!}

'I don't know... Let's... Let's just hope... LET'S JUST HOPE THIS MADNESS SOON ENDS!'

>*Huff huff* Not bad, Blue. That last attack took us off guard last time... BUT IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN!

"Feh! You always treat everything like a game, don't you? Just something to ease your boredom? WELL PLAYTIME IS OVER, RED! THIS NEXT ATTACK WILL BURY YOU BOTH! MEW, USE HYPERBEAM!"

>NOT SO FAST! MEWTWO! MEGA-EVOLVE!

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT~!? YOU HAD A MEGASTONE ON YOU THIS WHOLE TIME?!"

[Dudes, it's just a damn DSi game. no need to be so butthurt over the other having a winning streak-]

>"YELLOW! DON'T EVEN FUCKING GO THERE RIGHT NOW!
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>SA
"Spike"
'Poindexter'
-18-
[Chrysalis]
{Celestia}
~Mane-iac~
~~~

"...Really?"

>Chrysalis wanted her to come.

[What? Tell me there is someone better for pretending they're in a world of fantasy out there! You tell me to my face right now.]

'...Is... is that the Mane-iac?'

~AAHHHH AHAHHAAHHA! SOOOO! EVEN IN TO THIS PITIFUL SOUL I AM KNO- Drat! No! You are not pitiful!... Yes. I am. Long story.~

{Awww, you made a little friend!}

[Yeah?]

{...Wow, way to suck the fun out of that.}

...

Slowly, everyone at the table turned to look at her.

[...What?]

"Nothing... nothing, let's uh, let's play the game. You find yourselves at the very peak of the frozen mountain of... halvalla..."

[...What?]

"...Nothing? Um... okay then, you are all currently in a tent at the summit, huddled together for warmth... very... very close..."

[...Aaaand?]

"And... it's cold, I guess."

{Is it too cold to traverse outside?}

"No, you're all wearing the required level of armor, you aren't trapped."

'Are we high up enough my Feathersword gets the power boost it does when I fly?'

"....Eeeehhh... yeah, sure.... anything else? Any other... actions?"

-...I USE ADVANCED INITIATIVE TO...-

[...]

-...T-toooo... scan the area for enemies hidden in the snow?-

~AHHHHAHAHHA! AN EXCELLENT STRATEGY BEAUTIFICA! WITH THIS WE CAN FIND ANY HEROES WHO- oh darn it!.... I mean, good job, now we won't get taken by surprise!~

[I agree, very smart thinking, 18.]

-...I can feel the icy grip of your glare on my shoulder.-

[No idea what you're talking about.]

>...HAH!

"...I have made a terrible mistake."

~SO, MY TEAM OF EVI- I MEAN, JUSTICE! WHERE SHALL WE TAKE OUR JOURNEY OF GREATNESS!?~

>Well, this map had the hidden tombs of the one eyed ogre on it.

{Or the fracture of the void not too far away.}

'Huh, we could even stop by the kingdom of the fairies and get some weapon upgrades if we wanted.'

~AAAAAAHAHAHAHH! TO ADVENTURE, MY COMRADES!~

[HAH! ROLL 'EM, MANEY!]

{...Is she actually excited to just play the game?}

-I am so confused.-

"...THIS IS NOTHING LIKE I PLANNED! NOOOOTHING!"

~Eeeee! I HAVE ROLLED A TEN AND AN THREE!~

[Well, don't waste it, let's go kick some ass!]

~Some what?~

[...Some butts. let's go kick some butts.]

~AAHHAHHAHAHH!~

>This is the greatest moment of my life.

"NOOOOOOOOO!"
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>Celestia
"Applejack"
~~~
"Hey, Princess, Ah got a question."

>And I have A THERMO-DETONATOR!

"Gonna at least go tha extra mile an' use yer magic to cook that thing?"

>Actually, I didn't think of that. But personally I like my tomato soup gazpacho. So what's the question this time? Why Ponyville school house can't get more teachers and only has one grade and class room?

"Actually that answers itself long as Cheerlie's there."

>Right, well how about why the cake budget mysteriously go bigger lately? Or that I allowed Stalliongrad to break off from Equestria and begin stockpiling weapons?

"Related to that last one: any idea why so many cities 're horse puns?"

>Well I'm sorry, but what the heck would you call Canterlot then? Avalon? Briton? *Snrks* How about Ireland?

"Okay, guess all those do sound pretty weird when ya put that way. Heh, 'Ireland'. Where do ya even come up with this stuff?"

>I know, hey, wanna hear another one? New York!

"Pffft!"
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