Eng once upon a deadpool

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Subtitles by <font color="#ff0000">explosiveskull</font>
Sync by <font color="#00ffff">GoldenBeard</font>

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Psst!

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Wakey-wakey,
Frosted Flakey.

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Hey, brought you
a special present.

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Come on.

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Story time, chicken nugget.

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Rise and shine,
there we go.

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Clear eyes, full hearts,
can't lose.

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Welcome back.

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What's going on?
Wait a minute... What?

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Where am I?

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- Who dressed me?
- I did.

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I'm a big fan of bears.

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I'm not wearing pants.

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When's the last time you saw
a bear wearing pants?

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What the...

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Easy now. Hey.

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The only F-bomb
we're using around here...

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is "Fred Savage."

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Now, I want you to take
a deep breath...

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and listen to me
very carefully, Frederick.

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You're in a PG-13 version
of <i>Deadpool 2.</i>

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- Which means we only get two...
- one...

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and a glass
of white wine.

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Are you bleeping yourself?

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- You bet your...
- little... I am.

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That seems weird that
you would do that yourself.

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Please stop that.

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Sorry.

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Did you reconstruct

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the bedroom set
from <i>The Princess Bride?</i>

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Inconceivable!

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Oh, God.

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Yeah, always wanted
to say that.

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Felt real good.

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Why am I here?

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Well, the reason that you're
voluntarily here...

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is that so I could read you
the story of <i>Deadpool 2...</i>

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filtered through the prism
of childlike innocence.

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I'm a grown man.

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And nobody does
childlike innocence

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like you, Fred. Nobody.

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I need you almost as much
as you need me.

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I don't need you. At all.

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You need me to untie you...

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once we're done.

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Hey! Easy, sugar mouth.

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This thing will go all day,

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all right? Lithium-ion
batteries. Hey...

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you are gonna love this story.
I promise you.

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It's got fencing,
fighting...

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revenge...

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giants, monsters,
true love...

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and miracles.

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Now...

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<i>Once upon a time, there was
a boy named Deadpool...</i>

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<i>who starred in a surprisingly
popular movie...</i>

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<i>which, in an industry
dominated by</i>

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<i>the exploitation
of existing brands...</i>

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<i>demanded an immediate sequel.</i>

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<i>And, believe it or not,</i>
Deadpool 2 <i>is a family film.</i>

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<i>True story.</i>

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<i>And every good family film
starts with a vicious murder.</i>

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Bambi, The Lion King, Saw 7.

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<i>Really, anything from Disney.</i>

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<i>And this family film
is no different.</i>

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<i>Anyway, you know I get paid
to take out bad guys, right?</i>

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<i>Well, this guy, oof...</i>

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<i>he was one of
the worst of 'em.</i>

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<i>Open up! Let me in!
He's got a...</i>

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<i>A panic room? Really?</i>

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Can you come out?

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I really have to go.
It's my anniversary.

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<i>Over and over,
I hear people say,</i>

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<i>"I just don't have
enough confidence."</i>

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<i>Listen, confidence is not
something you have.</i>

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<i>It's something you create.</i>

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<i>And you can create it
at any moment in time.</i>

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<i>A sense of confidence
is nothing</i>

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<i>but a sense of power
within yourself...</i>

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Start the car!
Start the car!

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Dopinder, start the car!

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- Whoo!
- Oh, I shit my pants.

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Actually, that may
have been me.

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Oh, mission accomplished?

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Oh, in a George W.
sort of way.

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Can't stay
in a panic room forever.

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Oh, you're living
the dreams, DP.

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It has been
quite the run, Dopinder,

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and who'da thought?

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Now I'm talked about in the
same sentence as Jesus and <i>It.</i>

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<i>Passion of the Christ,</i>
then me.

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At least domestically.

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We beat them overseas,

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where there's no such thing
as religion.

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I do want to live
the dreams, Pool Boy.

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Taxiing is not as sexy
as it looks.

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- I want to fill my...
- Pockets?

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What's your poison?
A little, uh, Instagram?

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Can't maintain focus

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without buying shoes online?

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I've never experienced
that last one.

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Talk to me, Goose.

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I was going to say "soul".
I want to fill my soul.

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I want to belong to something,
like you, Pool, sir.

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- Dopinder...
- Hmm?

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You never cease
to surprise me.

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You know, the depth of
your heart is extraordinary.

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We all need
a sense of belonging.

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We all need
a genuine sense of home.

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A place in this world.

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I want to become
a contract killer.

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I'm sorry.
What did you say?

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Remember when
I kidnapped Bandhu

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and threatened him
with great violence?

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You kind of killed him.

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And then remember the movie
<i>Interview with the Vampire?</i>

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Don't want to.

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When Tom Cruise fed

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10-year-old
Kirsten Dunst blood

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for the first time...

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and she looked up
at his smooth,

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handsome face and said...

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"I want some more."

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Oh, Pool, picture me,
a 10-year-old Kirsten Dunst.

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I'll never not
picture that.

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But I can't wait
to never speak of this,

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as soon as possible.

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We're here.

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You're my Tom Cruise!

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And you're my Kristen Dunst!

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Kristen? Kirsten?

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Sorry I'm late.

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There was a bunch of

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handicapable children
stuck in a tree...

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Nope.

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You're right.
I was rounding up

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all the gluten in the world...

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and launching it into space

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where it can't not hurt us
ever again.

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Try again.

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Diarrhea?

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We can't be sure
till I get this suit off...

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but, uh,
all signs point to yes.

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Kiss me like you miss me, Red.

146
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Well, come here.

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Aren't you gonna say it?

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- Say what?
- You know...

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The thing.

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What?

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The part, where,
you know...

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- You want me to say the thing?
- Yeah, from...

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Oh, you want me to say the...
From the... No.

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"Is this a kissing book?"

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- I'm not gonna say that.
- Why?

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Because I don't think that's
gross anymore. I'm not 12.

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And I think a kiss is
a very sweet, loving gesture

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between two people.

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Unlike taping someone to a bed
and kidnapping them.

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I did not kidnap you!
All right?

161
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I like to call it "unsolicited
location enhancement."

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Whatever, ball gag.

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I'm just saying that
if you're gonna force me

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to sit here
and listen to this crap...

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I'm gonna have
thoughts, okay?

166
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I'm gonna opine about things,
all right?

167
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I'm an actor,
I'm a director.

168
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I know. I love
<i>Modern Family</i> so much.

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The point is,
you need to anchor

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00:07:42,203 --> 00:07:43,436
the story in believability...

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and I just don't believe
that she'd be kissing you.

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I mean, she's gorgeous,
and you're, like, you know...

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if Rocky Dennis
had a baby with lava.

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Hey, zip it.

175
00:07:53,714 --> 00:07:56,415
We already pay someone to say
stuff like that to me, okay?

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And you're wrong
because she would kiss me.

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She loves my insides.

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Trust me.

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00:08:02,724 --> 00:08:04,691
We all saw the first movie.

180
00:08:04,693 --> 00:08:06,191
I didn't.

181
00:08:06,193 --> 00:08:08,129
I kinda prefer
Marvel movies.

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We are Marvel.

183
00:08:12,034 --> 00:08:14,535
Yeah, but you're, you know,
Marvel licensed by Fox.

184
00:08:14,537 --> 00:08:17,570
It's like if The Beatles
were produced by Nickelback.

185
00:08:17,572 --> 00:08:18,672
It's music...

186
00:08:18,674 --> 00:08:20,539
but it sucks.

187
00:08:20,541 --> 00:08:23,212
Just checking the nose
for blood, there.

188
00:08:23,779 --> 00:08:24,977
I love Nickelback!

189
00:08:24,979 --> 00:08:26,813
You get your dirty mitts
off Chad Kroeger.

190
00:08:26,815 --> 00:08:31,420
And the joke's on you because
Fox is being bought by Disney.

191
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Mouse ears.

192
00:08:33,087 --> 00:08:34,521
I think that puts
the joke on you.

193
00:08:34,523 --> 00:08:37,956
Ears closed. Mouth open.
You were nicer as a kid.

194
00:08:37,958 --> 00:08:39,859
Now, where was I?

195
00:08:39,861 --> 00:08:41,527
Right.

196
00:08:41,529 --> 00:08:44,831
Wade swept Vanessa
into his finely toned arms...

197
00:08:44,833 --> 00:08:46,233
<i>and she kissed him</i>

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00:08:46,235 --> 00:08:48,371
<i>with an expression that could
mean only one thing...</i>

199
00:08:49,071 --> 00:08:50,402
<i>true love.</i>

200
00:08:50,404 --> 00:08:53,673
I'm gonna shower and get out
of this suit. In that order.

201
00:08:53,675 --> 00:08:55,041
Don't you want
your surprise?

202
00:08:55,043 --> 00:08:57,543
Do I look like
a patient burn victim?

203
00:08:57,545 --> 00:08:59,247
I got one for you, too.

204
00:08:59,881 --> 00:09:01,614
Happy anniversary, baby.

205
00:09:01,616 --> 00:09:03,284
Open, open, open.

206
00:09:05,154 --> 00:09:06,887
Skee-Ball token.

207
00:09:06,889 --> 00:09:08,421
Our first date.

208
00:09:08,423 --> 00:09:09,889
Yup.

209
00:09:09,891 --> 00:09:12,761
That's genuine,
high-grade lead.

210
00:09:15,396 --> 00:09:17,532
I'll keep it forever.

211
00:09:17,967 --> 00:09:19,401
Thank you, baby.

212
00:09:20,970 --> 00:09:22,805
- Open yours.
- All right, all right.

213
00:09:23,639 --> 00:09:24,738
Oh...

214
00:09:24,740 --> 00:09:26,205
Well, that's...

215
00:09:26,207 --> 00:09:28,008
That's just the most
beautiful thing that I've...

216
00:09:28,010 --> 00:09:29,709
I don't know what this is.

217
00:09:29,711 --> 00:09:31,543
My IUD.

218
00:09:31,545 --> 00:09:32,479
A bomb?

219
00:09:32,481 --> 00:09:35,849
No, dick for brains.
My birth control device.

220
00:09:35,851 --> 00:09:37,017
What, you mean that your...

221
00:09:37,019 --> 00:09:38,784
Baby factory's open
for business.

222
00:09:38,786 --> 00:09:40,052
Oh, my God!

223
00:09:40,054 --> 00:09:43,322
Oh, my God! I want a boy!

224
00:09:43,324 --> 00:09:46,393
Or a little girl!
Definitely one or the other!

225
00:09:46,395 --> 00:09:50,028
Oh! And I want our kid
to have only one name.

226
00:09:50,030 --> 00:09:53,166
Like Cher or Todd.

227
00:09:53,168 --> 00:09:55,000
You gotta put a baby
in me first, cowboy.

228
00:09:55,002 --> 00:09:56,269
Yes, I do.

229
00:09:56,271 --> 00:09:57,970
Let's watch some porn
and show that bed who's boss.

230
00:09:57,972 --> 00:09:59,308
Let's do that.

231
00:10:00,042 --> 00:10:02,142
<i>♪ Papa...</i>

232
00:10:02,144 --> 00:10:04,613
<i>♪ Can you hear me?</i>

233
00:10:06,113 --> 00:10:08,513
<i>♪ Papa, can you see me? ♪</i>

234
00:10:08,515 --> 00:10:11,120
Does this song
sound familiar to you?

235
00:10:13,355 --> 00:10:15,321
May.

236
00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:19,294
Connor, if it's a boy.
May, if it's a girl.

237
00:10:21,829 --> 00:10:24,163
So weird.

238
00:10:24,165 --> 00:10:26,835
Family was always
an F-word to me.

239
00:10:28,135 --> 00:10:32,538
My pile of shit father
took off and bailed.

240
00:10:32,540 --> 00:10:34,941
I mean, it's not like I have
a lot of strong role models

241
00:10:34,943 --> 00:10:37,246
to draw off of for Todd.

242
00:10:37,913 --> 00:10:39,281
Hey.

243
00:10:39,648 --> 00:10:40,850
Look at me.

244
00:10:41,817 --> 00:10:44,186
You are not your father.

245
00:10:45,587 --> 00:10:46,753
Besides...

246
00:10:46,755 --> 00:10:51,827
I will never, ever
let our child be named Todd.

247
00:10:52,827 --> 00:10:53,893
But here's the thing,

248
00:10:53,895 --> 00:10:55,762
isn't that how
it always works?

249
00:10:55,764 --> 00:10:57,229
Like in <i>Star Wars,</i>

250
00:10:57,231 --> 00:11:00,133
men are destined
to become their father...

251
00:11:00,135 --> 00:11:03,168
and then have consensual sex
with their sister?

252
00:11:03,170 --> 00:11:06,372
I think you missed big,
big chunks of that movie.

253
00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:08,774
No, I'm pretty sure
Luke nailed her.

254
00:11:08,776 --> 00:11:11,010
Baby, that's <i>Empire.</i>

255
00:11:11,012 --> 00:11:13,581
The point is, kids...

256
00:11:14,817 --> 00:11:18,350
they give us a chance
to be better than we are.

257
00:11:18,352 --> 00:11:21,120
Better than we used to be.

258
00:11:21,122 --> 00:11:24,557
You're a lot smarter
than I look.

259
00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:27,393
I'm gonna go make dessert.
And then...

260
00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:29,397
let's make a super baby.

261
00:11:31,766 --> 00:11:35,502
What about Krystal?
But with a "K"?

262
00:11:35,504 --> 00:11:37,235
It's too stripper-y.

263
00:11:37,237 --> 00:11:39,004
Kevin with a "K"!

264
00:11:39,006 --> 00:11:41,242
No, too stripper-y, too.

265
00:11:41,742 --> 00:11:43,442
Uh, Earl!

266
00:11:43,444 --> 00:11:45,946
He's gonna go straight to jail

267
00:11:45,948 --> 00:11:48,114
if we name him Earl.

268
00:11:48,116 --> 00:11:50,285
What about Bruce?

269
00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:52,551
No.

270
00:11:52,553 --> 00:11:53,753
Get down.

271
00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:54,957
What?

272
00:12:17,279 --> 00:12:19,812
Baby? Baby?

273
00:12:22,784 --> 00:12:24,584
I'm okay.

274
00:12:24,586 --> 00:12:27,085
Thank God I didn't have to use
the cream cheese spreader.

275
00:13:01,990 --> 00:13:03,424
Please.

276
00:13:08,130 --> 00:13:10,029
Please. Please.

277
00:13:10,031 --> 00:13:13,200
Baby, I'm so sorry.

278
00:13:13,202 --> 00:13:14,770
No!

279
00:13:20,574 --> 00:13:22,340
<i>Wait. Wait a minute.</i>

280
00:13:22,342 --> 00:13:23,942
You fridged Vanessa?

281
00:13:23,944 --> 00:13:26,513
Uh, "fridged." I don't
know what that means.

282
00:13:26,515 --> 00:13:27,814
It's a comic book trope,

283
00:13:27,816 --> 00:13:29,582
in which the wife or the
girlfriend of the hero dies...

284
00:13:29,584 --> 00:13:32,518
in order to further said
hero's motivation or story.

285
00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:34,519
Well,
that sounds misogynistic.

286
00:13:34,521 --> 00:13:36,189
Yeah. It reduces the woman
to a plot device...

287
00:13:36,191 --> 00:13:37,824
existing in the film
for no other reason

288
00:13:37,826 --> 00:13:40,127
than to serve as a source
of pain for the hero.

289
00:13:40,129 --> 00:13:43,330
Like Mufasa in <i>The Lion King.</i>

290
00:13:43,332 --> 00:13:45,965
Yeah, that's right, like
Mufasa from <i>The Lion King.</i>

291
00:13:45,967 --> 00:13:46,968
You got it.

292
00:15:20,629 --> 00:15:23,599
<i>♪ Papa, can you hear me?</i>

293
00:15:24,531 --> 00:15:25,864
Is it just me, or does

294
00:15:25,866 --> 00:15:27,933
<i>Do You Want to Build
a Snowman?</i> from <i>Frozen...</i>

295
00:15:27,935 --> 00:15:29,301
sound suspiciously like

296
00:15:29,303 --> 00:15:31,037
<i>Papa, Can You Hear Me?</i>
from <i>Yentl?</i>

297
00:15:32,441 --> 00:15:34,441
<i>♪ Papa, can you hear me? ♪</i>

298
00:15:34,443 --> 00:15:36,975
Wade, you've been here
for three days, okay?

299
00:15:36,977 --> 00:15:38,210
Go home, take a shower.

300
00:15:38,212 --> 00:15:39,479
You smell like

301
00:15:39,481 --> 00:15:41,413
Rush Limbaugh's couch cushions
after Shark Week.

302
00:15:41,415 --> 00:15:43,048
I love <i>Frozen.</i>

303
00:15:43,050 --> 00:15:46,585
I loved her. I loved her
like an ocean loves water.

304
00:15:46,587 --> 00:15:47,986
An ocean is water.

305
00:15:47,988 --> 00:15:53,026
More importantly, I liked her.
I really liked her, you know?

306
00:15:53,028 --> 00:15:55,497
George Michael was right.
I'm never gonna dance again.

307
00:15:55,862 --> 00:15:57,430
Oh, God.

308
00:15:57,432 --> 00:15:58,967
He's dead, too.

309
00:16:00,068 --> 00:16:01,500
At least we still have Bowie.

310
00:16:01,502 --> 00:16:03,168
Mr. Pool,
David Bowie is...

311
00:16:03,170 --> 00:16:04,369
Uh, uh, uh...

312
00:16:04,371 --> 00:16:06,339
...still with us.

313
00:16:06,341 --> 00:16:08,610
We do. We still have Bowie.

314
00:16:09,077 --> 00:16:10,343
I'm sorry.

315
00:16:10,345 --> 00:16:11,676
Shot after shot,

316
00:16:11,678 --> 00:16:13,579
it's not gonna change the fact
that I think you're...

317
00:16:13,581 --> 00:16:15,080
Are you pissing?
Are you urinating right now?

318
00:16:15,082 --> 00:16:18,118
You're making the face that
you make when you urinate.

319
00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:20,018
- Is he pissing?
- I'm on it!

320
00:16:20,020 --> 00:16:21,388
There you go, Dopinder.

321
00:16:21,390 --> 00:16:23,122
If you want to be
a contract killer...

322
00:16:23,124 --> 00:16:25,792
you gotta handle a mop
before you handle a gun.

323
00:16:25,794 --> 00:16:27,060
Although I don't
quite understand

324
00:16:27,062 --> 00:16:28,195
how they are
at all similar.

325
00:16:28,197 --> 00:16:30,832
Well, they both have handles.
Now, leave me.

326
00:16:31,566 --> 00:16:33,132
Go home, Wade.

327
00:16:33,134 --> 00:16:35,938
I don't have a home,
Weas, you know. I got a...

328
00:16:37,005 --> 00:16:38,838
Okay, I'm fine.

329
00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:39,705
I'm fine.

330
00:16:39,707 --> 00:16:41,474
You know what "fine"
stands for, Wade?

331
00:16:41,476 --> 00:16:45,277
F'd up, insecure, needy,
and emotional.

332
00:16:45,279 --> 00:16:46,814
According to the...

333
00:16:48,049 --> 00:16:49,349
- Kubler-Ross.
- Yeah.

334
00:16:49,351 --> 00:16:50,950
According to
the Kubler-Ross model...

335
00:16:50,952 --> 00:16:54,287
denial is just one of
the five stages of grief.

336
00:16:54,289 --> 00:16:56,589
Jesus Christ, Buck!

337
00:16:56,591 --> 00:16:58,894
No more speaking lines
for you.

338
00:17:26,653 --> 00:17:28,087
"I'm thinking it over!"

339
00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:29,725
Mother...

340
00:17:32,761 --> 00:17:34,561
The hell you doin' here?

341
00:17:34,563 --> 00:17:36,529
Don't you know
how to knock?

342
00:17:36,531 --> 00:17:38,497
I thought you saw me...

343
00:17:38,499 --> 00:17:39,965
with your ears.

344
00:17:39,967 --> 00:17:41,266
You're lucky I didn't
shoot you in the...

345
00:17:41,268 --> 00:17:42,369
The wall?

346
00:17:42,371 --> 00:17:45,908
The refrigerator?
I'm in so much pain.

347
00:17:48,509 --> 00:17:50,209
I heard the news,
sweetie.

348
00:17:50,211 --> 00:17:52,311
I'm very sorry. I am.

349
00:17:52,313 --> 00:17:54,280
What am I gonna do, Al?

350
00:17:54,282 --> 00:17:56,585
Probably something terrible.

351
00:17:57,185 --> 00:17:58,517
Knowing you.

352
00:17:58,519 --> 00:18:00,154
It was my fault.

353
00:18:01,421 --> 00:18:03,756
I did this.

354
00:18:03,758 --> 00:18:05,824
And all I wanna do
is grab her and see her

355
00:18:05,826 --> 00:18:08,130
and tell her that I'm sorry,
and I can't.

356
00:18:09,930 --> 00:18:11,731
She's gone.

357
00:18:11,733 --> 00:18:14,367
Now, look, sugar.
You need to just keep living.

358
00:18:14,369 --> 00:18:15,533
Thank you...

359
00:18:15,535 --> 00:18:18,771
Matthew McConaughey,
your words are a treasure.

360
00:18:18,773 --> 00:18:20,705
Listen to the pain.

361
00:18:20,707 --> 00:18:23,676
It's both history teacher
and fortune teller.

362
00:18:23,678 --> 00:18:27,213
Pain teaches us
who we are, Wade.

363
00:18:27,215 --> 00:18:31,150
Sometimes it's so bad,
we feel like we're dying.

364
00:18:31,152 --> 00:18:34,689
But we can't really live till
we've died a little, can we?

365
00:18:39,361 --> 00:18:40,896
Precious, aren't they?

366
00:18:41,396 --> 00:18:42,829
Whoa!

367
00:18:42,831 --> 00:18:44,463
Are you a superhero?

368
00:18:44,465 --> 00:18:46,198
You bet your pigtails,
sweetie.

369
00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:47,667
What's your name?

370
00:18:47,669 --> 00:18:49,635
Captain Delicious Pants.

371
00:18:49,637 --> 00:18:53,406
Who's Captain Delicious Pants?

372
00:18:58,913 --> 00:19:00,146
No, no, no.
Come on, hey.

373
00:19:00,148 --> 00:19:02,481
There's, like, a hundred
benches around here.

374
00:19:02,483 --> 00:19:04,250
Go find another...
Beat it.

375
00:19:04,252 --> 00:19:05,885
It's a free country.

376
00:19:05,887 --> 00:19:08,788
You're right.
It is a free country.

377
00:19:08,790 --> 00:19:11,991
Hey, I want to just say,
I loved your work in <i>Up.</i>

378
00:19:11,993 --> 00:19:13,059
I'm sorry?

379
00:19:13,061 --> 00:19:14,260
No.

380
00:19:14,262 --> 00:19:16,295
I'm sorry.

381
00:19:16,297 --> 00:19:17,362
Whoa!

382
00:19:17,364 --> 00:19:19,064
What? You don't like <i>Up?</i>

383
00:19:19,066 --> 00:19:21,301
There's gotta be
some way to die.

384
00:19:21,303 --> 00:19:23,336
I just need to die harder.

385
00:19:23,338 --> 00:19:24,640
Trademark Fox.

386
00:19:40,987 --> 00:19:42,990
<i>Your crazy
matches my crazy.</i>

387
00:19:45,426 --> 00:19:46,895
<i>Skee-Ball token.</i>

388
00:19:54,901 --> 00:19:56,936
<i>I love you,
Wade Wilson.</i>

389
00:19:59,306 --> 00:20:00,842
Ness?

390
00:20:02,209 --> 00:20:03,311
Ness?

391
00:20:04,178 --> 00:20:05,711
Ness.

392
00:20:05,713 --> 00:20:08,417
Ness, there's something here.
I can't get to you.

393
00:20:10,051 --> 00:20:12,717
Your heart's not
in the right place.

394
00:20:12,719 --> 00:20:15,253
Wait, hold on. What?

395
00:20:15,255 --> 00:20:17,523
Your heart's not
in the right place.

396
00:20:17,525 --> 00:20:18,757
Wait. What do you mean

397
00:20:18,759 --> 00:20:20,719
my heart's not in the right
place? What does it...

398
00:20:21,028 --> 00:20:23,228
<i>Turns out,
I can die a little.</i>

399
00:20:23,230 --> 00:20:24,664
<i>I just can't stay dead.</i>

400
00:20:41,483 --> 00:20:44,953
I'm terribly sorry for your
loss, Wade. You're broken.

401
00:20:46,621 --> 00:20:48,857
Oh...
I know that voice.

402
00:20:52,860 --> 00:20:54,627
"Heart's in the right place."

403
00:20:54,629 --> 00:20:56,094
"Heart's in the..."
What does that mean?

404
00:20:56,096 --> 00:20:57,964
You've been sleep
for three days.

405
00:20:57,966 --> 00:20:59,799
I took a liberty
of dressing you.

406
00:20:59,801 --> 00:21:01,333
No kidding.

407
00:21:01,335 --> 00:21:03,101
Why can't I finally die?

408
00:21:03,103 --> 00:21:04,771
Take your mask off, Wade.

409
00:21:04,773 --> 00:21:06,539
We must talk.

410
00:21:06,541 --> 00:21:08,774
You need fresh start.

411
00:21:08,776 --> 00:21:11,276
With training,
you can be X-Man.

412
00:21:11,278 --> 00:21:13,611
You're wasting your time,
Shiny Jesus.

413
00:21:13,613 --> 00:21:14,879
I'm not X-Man material.

414
00:21:14,881 --> 00:21:16,751
Understatement
of the year.

415
00:21:17,118 --> 00:21:18,120
Wade, Yukio.

416
00:21:18,486 --> 00:21:20,452
Yukio, Wade.

417
00:21:20,454 --> 00:21:22,687
What in the fudgcicle is this?

418
00:21:22,689 --> 00:21:25,123
She's my girlfriend,
you intolerant...

419
00:21:25,125 --> 00:21:27,092
Whoa! Pump the hate brakes,
<i>Fox & Friends.</i>

420
00:21:27,094 --> 00:21:29,028
I'm just surprised
anyone would date you.

421
00:21:29,030 --> 00:21:31,863
Especially Pinkie Pie
from <i>My Little Pony.</i>

422
00:21:31,865 --> 00:21:33,898
I like this guy.

423
00:21:33,900 --> 00:21:35,834
Give him a chance.

424
00:21:35,836 --> 00:21:37,035
It's great seeing you
like this.

425
00:21:37,037 --> 00:21:39,274
Yeah.

426
00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:40,939
Bye, Wade!

427
00:21:40,941 --> 00:21:43,542
Now, some ground rules
while under our roof.

428
00:21:43,544 --> 00:21:46,579
"Rule number one.
No killing...

429
00:21:46,581 --> 00:21:49,881
"anyone ever,
no matter how bad.

430
00:21:49,883 --> 00:21:52,717
"Rule two. Label everything
in refrigerator."

431
00:21:52,719 --> 00:21:53,921
Wade?

432
00:21:54,621 --> 00:21:55,687
Wade?

433
00:21:55,689 --> 00:21:56,755
Wade!

434
00:21:56,757 --> 00:21:58,757
Don't try to chase me.

435
00:21:58,759 --> 00:22:01,060
I'm not ready
to be touched again.

436
00:22:01,062 --> 00:22:03,294
All these elderly white men
on the walls...

437
00:22:03,296 --> 00:22:05,264
Should have brought
my rape whistle.

438
00:22:06,333 --> 00:22:09,167
Those were already damaged
after they fell there!

439
00:22:09,169 --> 00:22:10,969
What am I supposed
to do around here, anyway?

440
00:22:10,971 --> 00:22:13,205
Sit in a share circle,
talk about my feelings?

441
00:22:13,207 --> 00:22:16,341
And how would I
do that exactly?

442
00:22:16,343 --> 00:22:18,844
'Cause where the hell
is everyone?

443
00:22:18,846 --> 00:22:20,012
It's always just you

444
00:22:20,014 --> 00:22:21,580
and Negasonic Teenage
Longest Name Ever...

445
00:22:21,582 --> 00:22:22,648
Enough!

446
00:22:22,650 --> 00:22:24,486
I said no touching!

447
00:22:28,922 --> 00:22:31,623
You'd think the studio
would throw us a bone.

448
00:22:31,625 --> 00:22:33,928
One that doesn't
end up in my mouth.

449
00:22:34,963 --> 00:22:36,195
The first movie
made more money

450
00:22:36,197 --> 00:22:38,531
than the guy
who invented pants.

451
00:22:38,533 --> 00:22:40,934
They can't just dust off
one of the famous X-Men?

452
00:22:40,936 --> 00:22:43,068
How 'bout that putz
with the giant pigeon wings?

453
00:22:43,070 --> 00:22:44,235
What do those do anyway, huh?

454
00:22:44,237 --> 00:22:45,772
Carry him
three feet off the ground

455
00:22:45,774 --> 00:22:47,939
to snatch up
the nearest muffin crumb?

456
00:22:47,941 --> 00:22:50,109
No, no, no!

457
00:22:50,111 --> 00:22:53,078
I am not X-Man material
at all.

458
00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:55,481
First off...

459
00:22:55,483 --> 00:22:57,953
I'm not even a virgin.
Second and more...

460
00:22:59,887 --> 00:23:00,986
I should have left you

461
00:23:00,988 --> 00:23:02,855
in the self-pity mess
I found you in.

462
00:23:02,857 --> 00:23:05,891
But this is what friends do.
They show up!

463
00:23:05,893 --> 00:23:07,926
Not when convenient
or easy.

464
00:23:07,928 --> 00:23:12,231
When hard,
and you always make it hard.

465
00:23:12,233 --> 00:23:14,899
You are unwell.

466
00:23:14,901 --> 00:23:17,102
I'm sticking my neck out
bringing you here.

467
00:23:17,104 --> 00:23:18,971
Wait.
One of the assholes

468
00:23:18,973 --> 00:23:20,508
who killed Vanessa got away.

469
00:23:22,977 --> 00:23:25,144
Oh, Jesus Christ!

470
00:23:25,146 --> 00:23:27,179
I thought you were gonna
kiss me for a second there.

471
00:23:27,181 --> 00:23:29,080
Please know I wouldn't be able
to stop you if you did.

472
00:23:29,082 --> 00:23:31,250
Wade, whoever they are...

473
00:23:31,252 --> 00:23:33,718
we track them down
and bring them to justice.

474
00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:35,189
It was me.

475
00:23:38,258 --> 00:23:40,127
I'm the asshole who got away.

476
00:23:41,027 --> 00:23:44,029
I killed every last one
of them, except me.

477
00:23:44,031 --> 00:23:46,001
Couldn't kill me.

478
00:23:49,035 --> 00:23:51,238
We were gonna start a family.

479
00:23:52,841 --> 00:23:54,974
We were, uh...

480
00:23:56,044 --> 00:23:58,644
We were gonna be a family.

481
00:23:58,646 --> 00:23:59,779
Wade...

482
00:23:59,781 --> 00:24:02,617
Vanessa is gone.
She's not coming back.

483
00:24:04,084 --> 00:24:06,586
This may not be
family you want...

484
00:24:06,588 --> 00:24:08,954
but it's family you need.

485
00:24:08,956 --> 00:24:10,222
You have a good heart.

486
00:24:10,224 --> 00:24:12,060
It belongs here
where it can grow.

487
00:24:13,694 --> 00:24:15,363
What did you say?

488
00:24:16,730 --> 00:24:18,198
About my heart?

489
00:24:23,604 --> 00:24:25,606
I think
I'm in the right place.

490
00:25:18,993 --> 00:25:20,126
<i>Whoa!</i>

491
00:25:20,128 --> 00:25:23,361
Cable? You got Cable?

492
00:25:23,363 --> 00:25:24,496
If I didn't know
any better,

493
00:25:24,498 --> 00:25:26,498
I'd say that
you're getting into this.

494
00:25:26,500 --> 00:25:27,765
You know Cable?

495
00:25:27,767 --> 00:25:30,702
Uh, the biological son of
Cyclops and Madelyne Pryor...

496
00:25:30,704 --> 00:25:31,870
Jean Grey's clone.

497
00:25:31,872 --> 00:25:33,939
Half-brother to Rachel Summers
and Nate Grey.

498
00:25:33,941 --> 00:25:35,174
Raised as the Askani's son,

499
00:25:35,176 --> 00:25:36,475
and genetic template
for Stryfe.

500
00:25:36,477 --> 00:25:38,144
From a possible
alternate timeline...

501
00:25:38,146 --> 00:25:40,279
having been taken as an
infant to the future...

502
00:25:40,281 --> 00:25:41,947
and infected with
a techno-organic virus.

503
00:25:41,949 --> 00:25:44,050
I hope you have given
this deeply-nuanced

504
00:25:44,052 --> 00:25:46,388
and richly-layered backstory
its due.

505
00:25:51,257 --> 00:25:54,326
Yeah, we're covering
the time travel stuff.

506
00:25:54,328 --> 00:25:55,895
<i>We have
eight weeks of boot camp</i>

507
00:25:55,897 --> 00:25:56,962
<i>ahead of us, men.</i>

508
00:25:56,964 --> 00:25:58,830
<i>That'll get us
toned and prepared</i>

509
00:25:58,832 --> 00:26:00,168
<i>for all matter of combat.</i>

510
00:26:02,169 --> 00:26:06,304
Not working out at all.

511
00:26:06,306 --> 00:26:10,377
Masking tape. It is no friend
to chilled aluminum.

512
00:26:11,644 --> 00:26:12,744
Velcro.

513
00:26:12,746 --> 00:26:14,815
Color-coded. Efficient.
Environmentally friendly.

514
00:26:15,582 --> 00:26:16,849
Who's he talking to?

515
00:26:16,851 --> 00:26:18,783
And why is he dressed like
a registered sex offender?

516
00:26:18,785 --> 00:26:20,519
Can we focus for a moment,
ladies?

517
00:26:20,521 --> 00:26:22,588
Please, we need to talk about
next month's meal plan.

518
00:26:22,590 --> 00:26:24,956
Obviously, everyone hated
the ceviche.

519
00:26:24,958 --> 00:26:26,324
I read the suggestion box.
That's on me.

520
00:26:26,326 --> 00:26:27,859
I'm gonna stop you
right there.

521
00:26:27,861 --> 00:26:30,128
I see through
this weak act.

522
00:26:30,130 --> 00:26:34,600
You may have fooled Colossus
with this nice guy shit...

523
00:26:34,602 --> 00:26:35,801
but not me.

524
00:26:35,803 --> 00:26:36,968
Don't be mean.

525
00:26:36,970 --> 00:26:38,102
Back off, NTW.

526
00:26:38,104 --> 00:26:39,237
No, no, no.

527
00:26:39,239 --> 00:26:40,571
No, let her go.

528
00:26:40,573 --> 00:26:43,275
Let her go. It's okay. She
has a right to be skeptical.

529
00:26:43,277 --> 00:26:46,180
Look at me.
I'm an easy target.

530
00:26:47,081 --> 00:26:48,214
You know, historically,

531
00:26:48,216 --> 00:26:50,448
mischief has been
my mistress...

532
00:26:50,450 --> 00:26:53,587
so I understand, you know.
But I like to think that...

533
00:26:54,721 --> 00:26:58,223
well, you guys have really
rubbed off on me.

534
00:26:58,225 --> 00:27:00,661
I like to think that I've
rubbed off around you too.

535
00:27:00,961 --> 00:27:02,194
A lot.

536
00:27:02,196 --> 00:27:04,995
And for the first time
in a long while...

537
00:27:04,997 --> 00:27:06,567
I like me.

538
00:27:08,235 --> 00:27:09,601
I accept your apology.

539
00:27:09,603 --> 00:27:10,836
I never apologized.

540
00:27:10,838 --> 00:27:12,303
I was talking to your heart.

541
00:27:12,305 --> 00:27:14,705
See? You're not
lost cause you thought.

542
00:27:14,707 --> 00:27:18,109
I'm proud. You're everything
I knew you can be.

543
00:27:18,111 --> 00:27:20,111
Thank you, Colossus.

544
00:27:20,113 --> 00:27:21,914
Just trying to be
the world's best X-Man.

545
00:27:21,916 --> 00:27:23,451
Sorry, X-Person.

546
00:27:24,951 --> 00:27:26,854
Hmm. Something wrong
with the soap.

547
00:27:27,721 --> 00:27:29,921
It's fine. I just filled it.

548
00:27:29,923 --> 00:27:31,125
Give it
a few more pumps there.

549
00:27:32,593 --> 00:27:37,061
Now, if you'll excuse me,
it's dust bunny season...

550
00:27:37,063 --> 00:27:38,265
and I'm hunting wabbits.

551
00:27:38,832 --> 00:27:40,168
Bye, Wade.

552
00:27:45,273 --> 00:27:46,541
Wade.

553
00:27:47,006 --> 00:27:48,208
Wade.

554
00:27:48,842 --> 00:27:50,176
Wade!

555
00:27:50,178 --> 00:27:53,111
Hey, I was just taking Cerebro
for a spin here...

556
00:27:53,113 --> 00:27:54,914
looking deep into the future.

557
00:27:54,916 --> 00:27:56,415
Phew. This thing...

558
00:27:56,417 --> 00:27:58,117
- That's not how Cerebro works.
- That's not how Cerebro works.

559
00:27:58,119 --> 00:28:00,118
Yes. Yes, it is.

560
00:28:00,120 --> 00:28:01,888
- We have mission.
- We have mission.

561
00:28:01,890 --> 00:28:03,856
We do. You do.

562
00:28:03,858 --> 00:28:05,123
You guys be safe out there.

563
00:28:05,125 --> 00:28:07,928
- No, I want you to join.
- No, you want me to join.

564
00:28:09,630 --> 00:28:10,862
I'm sorry, what?

565
00:28:10,864 --> 00:28:11,897
You are ready.

566
00:28:11,899 --> 00:28:14,099
That's a terrible idea,
and it's gonna end badly.

567
00:28:14,101 --> 00:28:15,703
Be at the X-Jet in five.

568
00:28:18,339 --> 00:28:20,805
<i>Irene Merryweather,
WHIT News.</i>

569
00:28:20,807 --> 00:28:22,774
<i>Live here at
a breaking news situation</i>

570
00:28:22,776 --> 00:28:25,578
<i>at the Essex House
for Mutant Rehabilitation.</i>

571
00:28:25,580 --> 00:28:27,545
A mutant boy
is appearing to have

572
00:28:27,547 --> 00:28:28,946
some sort of an incident...

573
00:28:28,948 --> 00:28:30,683
- with police here behind me.
- Get away from me!

574
00:28:30,685 --> 00:28:33,217
There are two police vehicles
that are overturned.

575
00:28:33,219 --> 00:28:34,586
- Russell, calm down.
- Freak off!

576
00:28:34,588 --> 00:28:35,855
A scene of
absolute chaos here.

577
00:28:35,857 --> 00:28:37,122
Calm down.

578
00:28:37,124 --> 00:28:40,024
I'll burn you!
You stay back!

579
00:28:40,026 --> 00:28:41,292
Get away from me!

580
00:28:57,411 --> 00:29:00,712
It appears as if
the X-Men are arriving...

581
00:29:00,714 --> 00:29:01,746
Scatter!

582
00:29:01,748 --> 00:29:04,317
...with what appears
to be a trainee.

583
00:29:04,319 --> 00:29:07,352
Everyone, calm down!
The pros are here. I...

584
00:29:07,354 --> 00:29:08,486
We're the X-Men!

585
00:29:08,488 --> 00:29:11,189
A dated metaphor for racism
in the '60s.

586
00:29:11,191 --> 00:29:13,824
So, respect.

587
00:29:13,826 --> 00:29:15,229
At ease, Officer.

588
00:29:16,698 --> 00:29:18,696
What are you doing?

589
00:29:18,698 --> 00:29:19,764
My job!

590
00:29:19,766 --> 00:29:21,332
You're the one who said
I was ready,

591
00:29:21,334 --> 00:29:22,734
and I frankly disagreed
with you.

592
00:29:22,736 --> 00:29:25,337
But here we are, trying to
overcome our differences.

593
00:29:25,339 --> 00:29:28,540
Like Beyonce says,
"Please...

594
00:29:28,542 --> 00:29:30,076
"Please,
stop cheating on me."

595
00:29:30,078 --> 00:29:31,209
Hey!

596
00:29:31,211 --> 00:29:32,543
This is the fifth incident.

597
00:29:32,545 --> 00:29:34,946
This kid needs to be
in the Ice Box, not here.

598
00:29:34,948 --> 00:29:36,580
Russell belongs in our care.

599
00:29:36,582 --> 00:29:38,384
Not in prison.
I assure you...

600
00:29:38,386 --> 00:29:39,517
we have everything
under control.

601
00:29:39,519 --> 00:29:40,819
Stay back!
I'll burn you!

602
00:29:40,821 --> 00:29:42,020
Not getting a real

603
00:29:42,022 --> 00:29:44,122
"under control"
vibe here, Marty.

604
00:29:44,124 --> 00:29:46,192
- It is Glen, isn't it?
- Daniel.

605
00:29:46,194 --> 00:29:47,525
I'll ask the questions,
Miguel.

606
00:29:47,527 --> 00:29:48,860
Let me talk to the kid.

607
00:29:48,862 --> 00:29:53,634
You stay here with your
weird, secret sex lips.

608
00:29:54,935 --> 00:29:56,134
You wanna die?

609
00:29:56,136 --> 00:29:57,336
This kid's adorable.

610
00:29:57,338 --> 00:29:58,336
I don't know why I packed
the hollow points.

611
00:29:58,338 --> 00:29:59,839
I'll burn your arms off!

612
00:29:59,841 --> 00:30:02,644
First day.
I'm so nervous!

613
00:30:03,343 --> 00:30:04,946
Did you just say
"hollow points"?

614
00:30:05,513 --> 00:30:06,712
Yeah, probably should've

615
00:30:06,714 --> 00:30:08,582
brought a Super Soaker.

616
00:30:09,082 --> 00:30:10,485
Hi, there!

617
00:30:11,319 --> 00:30:13,753
Stay back
or Justin Bieber dies!

618
00:30:13,755 --> 00:30:18,290
Justin Bieber.
He called you Justin Bieber.

619
00:30:18,292 --> 00:30:20,425
Hold on! Wait, wait, wait!

620
00:30:20,427 --> 00:30:23,529
Okay, let's not do
whatever that is.

621
00:30:23,531 --> 00:30:25,129
Okay? Let's just talk!

622
00:30:25,131 --> 00:30:26,898
It's Russell, right?

623
00:30:26,900 --> 00:30:28,934
- Firefist.
- Firefist.

624
00:30:28,936 --> 00:30:31,369
Ooh, that's a great name.
Where does it burn?

625
00:30:31,371 --> 00:30:33,171
Just the fist, or all
the way up to the elbow?

626
00:30:37,544 --> 00:30:39,778
Definitely all the way
up to the elbow.

627
00:30:39,780 --> 00:30:42,981
Come quietly,
or there will be trouble.

628
00:30:42,983 --> 00:30:46,252
- You stole that from <i>Robocop!</i>
- That's from <i>Robocop!</i>

629
00:30:46,254 --> 00:30:47,785
Just stand down!

630
00:30:47,787 --> 00:30:49,990
You're embarrassing me.
Look, Fire...

631
00:30:52,493 --> 00:30:54,725
I can't say it!
I'm so sorry!

632
00:30:58,398 --> 00:31:02,435
Oh, my gosh!
That does it!

633
00:31:02,437 --> 00:31:03,968
Put your hands
behind your knees

634
00:31:03,970 --> 00:31:05,471
and get down
on your head! Now!

635
00:31:05,473 --> 00:31:07,673
Wade! What was first rule?

636
00:31:07,675 --> 00:31:09,675
Label everything
in the refrigerator!

637
00:31:09,677 --> 00:31:12,444
- Do not escalate!
- Rules are meant to be broken!

638
00:31:12,446 --> 00:31:14,013
That's the exact opposite

639
00:31:14,015 --> 00:31:15,515
of what they're meant for!

640
00:31:16,249 --> 00:31:18,248
Come on! Fine!

641
00:31:18,250 --> 00:31:19,685
I'll start from the beginning.

642
00:31:19,687 --> 00:31:22,353
My name is Deadpool,
and I'm an X-Man.

643
00:31:22,355 --> 00:31:24,691
- Trainee!
- Shut it!

644
00:31:25,226 --> 00:31:27,661
Look, I get it.

645
00:31:28,595 --> 00:31:30,928
All right, you're scared.

646
00:31:30,930 --> 00:31:32,030
Alone.

647
00:31:32,032 --> 00:31:33,131
You got no family.

648
00:31:33,133 --> 00:31:34,198
I didn't have
a family, either.

649
00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:35,833
You live in this dump.
Guess what?

650
00:31:35,835 --> 00:31:38,536
I used to live in a
shithole just like it.

651
00:31:38,538 --> 00:31:41,072
But you know something?
To make matters worse...

652
00:31:41,074 --> 00:31:42,940
it's a confusing time
in your life right now.

653
00:31:42,942 --> 00:31:46,677
Your body is going through
some fiery changes.

654
00:31:46,679 --> 00:31:48,646
Too far?
I went too far, didn't I?

655
00:31:56,023 --> 00:31:58,057
That was effervescent.

656
00:31:58,059 --> 00:32:00,292
Stay in school, kid.

657
00:32:00,294 --> 00:32:02,293
Or don't. I didn't.

658
00:32:02,295 --> 00:32:03,995
And I'm an X-Man.

659
00:32:03,997 --> 00:32:05,531
Trainee.

660
00:32:05,533 --> 00:32:07,834
Superhero landing coming up!

661
00:32:12,139 --> 00:32:14,942
Ouch, ouch, ouch!
Oh, God, that hurts.

662
00:32:35,795 --> 00:32:37,795
I could get used
to this X-Man shit.

663
00:32:37,797 --> 00:32:39,097
Trainee!

664
00:32:39,099 --> 00:32:40,064
Trainee!

665
00:32:40,066 --> 00:32:42,000
Get a power restraint
on him. Now!

666
00:32:42,002 --> 00:32:45,473
Calm down, squirt.
It's over. We got ya.

667
00:32:47,207 --> 00:32:48,673
What's that do?

668
00:32:48,675 --> 00:32:50,309
Power-dampening collar.

669
00:32:50,311 --> 00:32:51,609
Shuts down
all mutant abilities.

670
00:32:51,611 --> 00:32:54,446
You can't get it off.
Unless you've got a grenade.

671
00:32:54,448 --> 00:32:57,549
Huh. Could've used
one of those in the first act.

672
00:32:57,551 --> 00:32:58,953
Thank you!

673
00:33:00,553 --> 00:33:03,054
That was absolutely thrilling.

674
00:33:03,056 --> 00:33:05,189
True heroism in action.

675
00:33:05,191 --> 00:33:07,425
We are in your debt.

676
00:33:07,427 --> 00:33:09,360
We can take it from here.

677
00:33:09,362 --> 00:33:11,562
Take me
to the Ice Box, please!

678
00:33:11,564 --> 00:33:13,032
Anywhere's better than here.

679
00:33:13,034 --> 00:33:13,998
Believe me, son,

680
00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:15,667
you do not wanna go
to the Ice Box.

681
00:33:15,669 --> 00:33:17,703
Let's get you inside,
young man.

682
00:33:17,705 --> 00:33:19,638
No, wait, wait. Wait.

683
00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:21,242
You guys stay there.

684
00:33:30,050 --> 00:33:31,919
Those guys hurt you?

685
00:33:33,219 --> 00:33:34,255
Who?

686
00:33:36,290 --> 00:33:39,060
Baldilocks? Jared Kushner?

687
00:33:40,427 --> 00:33:42,029
Both of 'em?

688
00:33:46,132 --> 00:33:47,398
Ah, screw it.

689
00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:49,067
Four or five moments!

690
00:33:49,069 --> 00:33:50,135
I'm sorry?

691
00:33:50,137 --> 00:33:53,508
Four or five moments!

692
00:33:54,507 --> 00:33:57,511
That's all it takes
to be a hero.

693
00:33:58,344 --> 00:34:00,611
People think
you wake up a hero...

694
00:34:00,613 --> 00:34:02,781
brush your teeth a hero...

695
00:34:02,783 --> 00:34:05,684
make love to
a soap dispenser a hero.

696
00:34:07,021 --> 00:34:11,025
But, no, being a hero
takes only a few moments!

697
00:34:12,292 --> 00:34:13,924
A few moments...

698
00:34:13,926 --> 00:34:16,795
doing the ugly stuff
no one else will do.

699
00:34:23,937 --> 00:34:26,538
- Wade, what did you do?
- Colossus, no!

700
00:34:26,540 --> 00:34:27,973
That kid was abused!
You can tell.

701
00:34:27,975 --> 00:34:29,674
- You can always tell!
- We have rules!

702
00:34:29,676 --> 00:34:32,543
You are not judge,
jury or executioner!

703
00:34:32,545 --> 00:34:35,547
Forget your rules!
I fight for what's right!

704
00:34:35,549 --> 00:34:37,148
And sometimes
you gotta fight dirty!

705
00:34:37,150 --> 00:34:40,819
You've let me down
for the last time, Wade.

706
00:34:40,821 --> 00:34:42,152
Collar him, too.

707
00:34:42,154 --> 00:34:44,022
And get these guys
in the pod.

708
00:34:44,024 --> 00:34:45,357
Take them to the Ice Box.

709
00:35:06,913 --> 00:35:09,350
I wonder
what gang I'll be in.

710
00:35:10,917 --> 00:35:13,253
- Is there, like, a Sorting Hat?
- Hi.

711
00:35:14,788 --> 00:35:15,853
I've always seen myself

712
00:35:15,855 --> 00:35:17,889
as more of
an East Coast Hufflepuff.

713
00:35:17,891 --> 00:35:19,157
Go!

714
00:35:19,159 --> 00:35:22,159
I've made a critical error
on my Airbnb reservation.

715
00:35:22,161 --> 00:35:26,634
This is not what the website
looked like at all.

716
00:35:27,900 --> 00:35:31,670
I love the decor though. I had
no idea hopeless was a color.

717
00:35:31,672 --> 00:35:33,074
Hard left, douchebag.

718
00:35:37,444 --> 00:35:38,779
Please, after you.

719
00:35:40,748 --> 00:35:43,382
Another disgusting minority
off the streets.

720
00:35:43,384 --> 00:35:44,516
We'll sleep well tonight.

721
00:35:44,518 --> 00:35:45,583
Let's get a bagel.

722
00:35:49,022 --> 00:35:51,790
Nighty-night,
you annoying prick!

723
00:36:22,989 --> 00:36:26,391
<i>I'mma tell you
what the big lie is.</i>

724
00:36:26,393 --> 00:36:27,926
<i>Toilet paper.</i>

725
00:36:27,928 --> 00:36:31,328
Toilet paper
is a plenty fine appetizer.

726
00:36:31,330 --> 00:36:33,565
But, then...

727
00:36:33,567 --> 00:36:35,900
Huggies Natural Care
wet wipes.

728
00:36:35,902 --> 00:36:37,302
That's your main course.

729
00:36:37,304 --> 00:36:41,139
They're soft, they're moist.
They're for babies.

730
00:36:41,141 --> 00:36:44,243
Finally, one more pass
with the toilet paper,

731
00:36:44,245 --> 00:36:46,043
maybe clear out
that excess moisture.

732
00:36:46,045 --> 00:36:47,746
Maybe treat yourself
to a blow and go,

733
00:36:47,748 --> 00:36:49,014
if you can get you
a hair dryer.

734
00:36:49,016 --> 00:36:51,686
Just about 30 seconds
will do you good.

735
00:36:55,255 --> 00:36:56,424
What the heck?

736
00:36:57,457 --> 00:36:58,692
Year?

737
00:36:59,493 --> 00:37:00,695
What?

738
00:37:01,661 --> 00:37:03,295
What year is it?

739
00:37:03,297 --> 00:37:05,699
What kind of dummy question
is that to ask?

740
00:37:24,717 --> 00:37:27,284
You're a long way
from your superpowers.

741
00:37:27,286 --> 00:37:28,288
Yeah.

742
00:37:32,759 --> 00:37:35,027
I wanted to be a superhero.

743
00:37:35,029 --> 00:37:37,295
Always wanted
a real super suit.

744
00:37:37,297 --> 00:37:38,964
What happened?

745
00:37:38,966 --> 00:37:41,086
When was the last time you saw
a plus-sized superhero?

746
00:37:41,600 --> 00:37:43,067
Never.

747
00:37:43,069 --> 00:37:45,670
The industry discriminates.

748
00:37:45,672 --> 00:37:47,471
Forget superheroes.

749
00:37:47,473 --> 00:37:50,042
The first thing I wanna do
when I get out of here...

750
00:37:50,044 --> 00:37:52,277
burn the headmaster alive...

751
00:37:52,279 --> 00:37:55,013
and then take a selfie
with his smoldering corpse.

752
00:37:55,015 --> 00:37:57,315
Who says
prison isn't reformative?

753
00:37:57,317 --> 00:37:58,616
What did he do to you?

754
00:37:58,618 --> 00:38:00,652
He thinks we're evil.

755
00:38:00,654 --> 00:38:02,020
Blessed are the wicked

756
00:38:02,022 --> 00:38:04,522
who are healed by my hand.

757
00:38:04,524 --> 00:38:05,925
Your abilities...

758
00:38:07,426 --> 00:38:09,395
I know how seductive they are.

759
00:38:18,105 --> 00:38:21,909
Tomorrow, we'll find
the biggest guy in here...

760
00:38:22,875 --> 00:38:24,141
and we'll make him our...

761
00:38:27,281 --> 00:38:28,947
What was that?

762
00:38:28,949 --> 00:38:31,815
That is the biggest guy
in here.

763
00:38:31,817 --> 00:38:33,918
Fun fact
about the Ice Box...

764
00:38:33,920 --> 00:38:35,821
though no one's
ever seen it,

765
00:38:35,823 --> 00:38:38,022
they keep a monster
in the basement.

766
00:38:38,024 --> 00:38:39,857
Right next to a huge,

767
00:38:39,859 --> 00:38:41,495
steaming bowl
of foreshadowing.

768
00:38:42,194 --> 00:38:43,196
Look.

769
00:38:43,996 --> 00:38:46,431
I can't protect you.

770
00:38:46,433 --> 00:38:47,598
With this collar on,

771
00:38:47,600 --> 00:38:50,735
my superpower
is just unbridled cancer.

772
00:38:50,737 --> 00:38:54,138
Give me a bow and arrow,
I'm basically Hawkeye.

773
00:38:54,140 --> 00:38:56,241
Now, if you'll excuse me...

774
00:38:56,243 --> 00:38:59,710
I've got tumors to grow.
Vanessa awaits.

775
00:38:59,712 --> 00:39:02,045
I'll start by making us
a shank.

776
00:39:02,047 --> 00:39:04,014
- Good listening.
- I stole that guard's pen...

777
00:39:04,016 --> 00:39:06,016
and stashed it
in the old prison wallet,

778
00:39:06,018 --> 00:39:07,985
if you know
what I'm saying.

779
00:39:07,987 --> 00:39:10,522
Prison wallet?

780
00:39:10,524 --> 00:39:13,493
I really hope I don't know
what you're saying.

781
00:39:18,732 --> 00:39:20,063
<i>And to update you</i>

782
00:39:20,065 --> 00:39:21,565
<i>on the story
reported earlier...</i>

783
00:39:21,567 --> 00:39:23,000
<i>after a lengthy standoff</i>

784
00:39:23,002 --> 00:39:25,804
<i>outside the Essex House
for Mutant Rehabilitation...</i>

785
00:39:25,806 --> 00:39:27,105
<i>two mutants were arrested</i>

786
00:39:27,107 --> 00:39:29,040
<i>and transported
to the Ice Box...</i>

787
00:39:29,042 --> 00:39:30,522
<i>Entering repair mode.</i>

788
00:39:56,270 --> 00:39:57,271
Psst!

789
00:39:59,839 --> 00:40:02,273
Don't do that.

790
00:40:02,275 --> 00:40:04,944
What? Why are you
winking at me?

791
00:40:07,513 --> 00:40:08,880
I got your back.

792
00:40:08,882 --> 00:40:10,047
Oh, my God.

793
00:40:10,049 --> 00:40:11,449
You're sick,
I gotta protect you.

794
00:40:11,451 --> 00:40:13,554
Just leave me alone, kid.

795
00:40:14,687 --> 00:40:15,922
Oh, great.

796
00:40:17,491 --> 00:40:19,956
Well, hello there,
new fish.

797
00:40:19,958 --> 00:40:23,027
It's nice to see some
fresh faces around here.

798
00:40:23,029 --> 00:40:25,263
I've done some
light catalog work...

799
00:40:25,265 --> 00:40:27,998
but, really, modeling is just
a stepping stone to acting.

800
00:40:28,000 --> 00:40:30,802
- I was talking to him.
- Oh.

801
00:40:30,804 --> 00:40:34,105
Have we met?
I can't place your mustache.

802
00:40:34,107 --> 00:40:36,674
- Black Tom Cassidy.
- White Wade Wilson.

803
00:40:36,676 --> 00:40:40,212
What's your superpower?
Cultural appropriation?

804
00:40:40,214 --> 00:40:42,947
You're supposed to be
the toughest con in here.

805
00:40:42,949 --> 00:40:45,549
You don't look like much
to me.

806
00:40:45,551 --> 00:40:46,918
First rule of the yard...

807
00:40:46,920 --> 00:40:49,020
find the biggest guy
and make him your...

808
00:40:52,926 --> 00:40:55,025
Second biggest guy.

809
00:40:55,027 --> 00:40:57,462
The last thing I need
is more hepatitis.

810
00:40:57,464 --> 00:41:01,031
Oh, it's slippery, too.
This table needs a wipe down!

811
00:41:01,033 --> 00:41:03,034
Can we get a wipe down
on the table?

812
00:41:04,203 --> 00:41:06,203
Kid, I think you picked
the wrong side.

813
00:41:06,205 --> 00:41:08,639
No, I didn't!
He's my friend!

814
00:41:08,641 --> 00:41:11,542
Zip it. We're not friends.

815
00:41:11,544 --> 00:41:13,844
Take a seat, shit dick.

816
00:41:24,958 --> 00:41:26,857
I had so much fun!
You were like...

817
00:41:26,859 --> 00:41:28,793
And I was like,
"Take a seat, shit dick."

818
00:41:28,795 --> 00:41:30,728
Just let me die in peace.

819
00:41:30,730 --> 00:41:32,931
We make a great team!

820
00:41:32,933 --> 00:41:35,333
Oh, God! We're not a team.

821
00:41:35,335 --> 00:41:39,737
Why'd you say that back there?
We're friends, partners.

822
00:41:39,739 --> 00:41:41,976
We're not partners
or friends.

823
00:41:43,509 --> 00:41:45,909
This doesn't end with us
riding into the sunset.

824
00:41:45,911 --> 00:41:48,011
It ends with me
dying of cancer...

825
00:41:48,013 --> 00:41:49,748
and you winning
the Ice Box award

826
00:41:49,750 --> 00:41:51,949
for most
pinchable cheeks.

827
00:41:53,252 --> 00:41:55,018
There's only one person
in this world

828
00:41:55,020 --> 00:41:56,990
that I care about,
and she's gone.

829
00:41:58,625 --> 00:42:01,592
You wanna survive?

830
00:42:01,594 --> 00:42:04,962
Stop trying to shank
the biggest guys in here...

831
00:42:04,964 --> 00:42:07,200
and make friends with them.

832
00:42:08,234 --> 00:42:10,103
Make friends with someone.

833
00:42:11,105 --> 00:42:13,737
Anyone but me.

834
00:42:13,739 --> 00:42:16,107
Maybe even Black Tim.

835
00:42:16,109 --> 00:42:17,609
Black Evan, I don't know.

836
00:42:17,611 --> 00:42:20,413
All I remember is
he was African-American.

837
00:42:51,511 --> 00:42:55,382
<i>Cells 7, 12, 14, 27.</i>

838
00:43:08,495 --> 00:43:12,297
<i>System
malfunctioning. 7, 4, 3.</i>

839
00:43:12,299 --> 00:43:14,168
<i>System malfunctioning.</i>

840
00:43:20,873 --> 00:43:22,576
That was our cell.

841
00:43:23,210 --> 00:43:24,342
What did I do to piss off

842
00:43:24,344 --> 00:43:27,181
a grumpy old guy
with a Winter Soldier arm?

843
00:43:34,321 --> 00:43:36,123
Get away from me, kid!

844
00:43:37,924 --> 00:43:39,259
Listen to me! Go!

845
00:43:43,163 --> 00:43:44,398
Hello, Russell.

846
00:44:45,024 --> 00:44:46,559
Hello, superpowers.

847
00:44:59,105 --> 00:45:00,440
Who are you?

848
00:45:00,940 --> 00:45:02,409
I'm Batman.

849
00:45:13,687 --> 00:45:14,688
Ooh!

850
00:45:19,257 --> 00:45:21,828
Oh. That's got some zip.

851
00:45:29,002 --> 00:45:32,536
Don't feel bad.
Even I can't kill me.

852
00:45:32,538 --> 00:45:33,471
Talk!

853
00:45:33,473 --> 00:45:35,339
What kind of
spineless shit stick

854
00:45:35,341 --> 00:45:37,210
tries to kill
a 14-year-old boy?

855
00:45:38,011 --> 00:45:39,342
You might wanna
start talking!

856
00:45:39,344 --> 00:45:42,248
'Cause I got a long history of
firing at times like this!

857
00:45:42,748 --> 00:45:44,581
The name's Cable.

858
00:45:44,583 --> 00:45:47,853
I'm from the future.
Just walk away.

859
00:45:48,087 --> 00:45:49,319
Oh!

860
00:45:49,321 --> 00:45:51,288
So, you're from the future.

861
00:45:51,290 --> 00:45:53,391
I have a question then.

862
00:45:53,393 --> 00:45:55,228
Is dubstep still a thing?

863
00:46:20,053 --> 00:46:22,087
Dubstep's for pussies.

864
00:46:22,089 --> 00:46:23,286
You're so dark!

865
00:46:23,288 --> 00:46:26,223
Are you sure you're not
from the DC universe?

866
00:46:26,225 --> 00:46:27,491
I love dubstep!

867
00:46:52,352 --> 00:46:53,750
Is that a fanny pack?

868
00:46:53,752 --> 00:46:56,455
I used to have one of those
in 1990-never.

869
00:46:57,190 --> 00:46:59,056
Something to remember you by.

870
00:46:59,058 --> 00:47:02,826
Give me that back!
That goes with me everywhere.

871
00:47:02,828 --> 00:47:04,664
Like the memory
of your fanny pack!

872
00:47:14,207 --> 00:47:15,973
Why are you protecting
the kid?

873
00:47:15,975 --> 00:47:18,676
He's just some kid with an
<i>Are You My Mother?</i> complex.

874
00:47:18,678 --> 00:47:20,880
I don't give a damn
about him.

875
00:47:25,518 --> 00:47:26,853
What's this one do?

876
00:47:37,797 --> 00:47:39,529
<i>In every film,
there's a moment</i>

877
00:47:39,531 --> 00:47:41,898
<i>when the hero
hits rock bottom.</i>

878
00:47:41,900 --> 00:47:44,101
<i>In</i> Cool Runnings,
<i>it was when John Candy's</i>

879
00:47:44,103 --> 00:47:45,835
<i>prized bobsled broke.</i>

880
00:47:45,837 --> 00:47:48,672
<i>In</i> Human Centipede,
<i>it was when those people...</i>

881
00:47:48,674 --> 00:47:51,107
<i>signed on to be in that movie.</i>

882
00:47:51,109 --> 00:47:52,678
<i>But in this film, well...</i>

883
00:47:53,379 --> 00:47:54,848
<i>you're looking at it.</i>

884
00:47:57,049 --> 00:47:58,352
<i>Rock...</i>

885
00:47:59,352 --> 00:48:00,853
<i>meet bottom.</i>

886
00:48:10,230 --> 00:48:12,065
<i>I love you, Wade Wilson.</i>

887
00:48:12,832 --> 00:48:13,833
Ness?

888
00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:16,569
Hey, Ness!

889
00:48:17,270 --> 00:48:19,036
Ness, can you let me in?

890
00:48:19,038 --> 00:48:21,375
Please! Please.

891
00:48:23,241 --> 00:48:24,308
Jeez.

892
00:48:27,080 --> 00:48:29,112
You're not giving me
a lot of direction here.

893
00:48:29,114 --> 00:48:31,014
I'm at the end of my rope.

894
00:48:33,353 --> 00:48:36,119
Then I joined the X-Men.

895
00:48:36,121 --> 00:48:37,757
I went to prison. I, uh...

896
00:48:41,761 --> 00:48:43,429
Is it the kid?

897
00:48:45,065 --> 00:48:48,435
Kids give us a chance to be
better than we used to be.

898
00:48:49,435 --> 00:48:50,636
The kid!

899
00:49:04,250 --> 00:49:05,782
That's exactly
what she meant.

900
00:49:05,784 --> 00:49:07,317
Your heart needs to be
in the right place.

901
00:49:07,319 --> 00:49:09,186
I'm not gonna
abandon this kid.

902
00:49:09,188 --> 00:49:11,989
He's never had anyone, ever.

903
00:49:11,991 --> 00:49:13,290
I need to be selfless.

904
00:49:13,292 --> 00:49:15,293
Yeah, but what
does that mean?

905
00:49:15,295 --> 00:49:18,529
It means
I'm gonna save Russell.

906
00:49:18,531 --> 00:49:19,996
Maybe I couldn't
save Vanessa...

907
00:49:19,998 --> 00:49:23,101
but maybe I can save a robust
teenager from New Zealand.

908
00:49:23,103 --> 00:49:25,302
Yeah, but what I mean is,
like, the world "selfless."

909
00:49:25,304 --> 00:49:26,971
I literally don't know
what that means.

910
00:49:26,973 --> 00:49:27,938
Jesus Christ.

911
00:49:27,940 --> 00:49:30,775
Okay, look.
According to my guy, okay...

912
00:49:30,777 --> 00:49:32,844
those muties
are being transferred

913
00:49:32,846 --> 00:49:34,545
to a supermax,
80 miles away.

914
00:49:34,547 --> 00:49:36,447
Great, I'll pick 'em off
along the way.

915
00:49:36,449 --> 00:49:38,616
Hold your testicles there,
buddy, okay?

916
00:49:38,618 --> 00:49:40,618
We're talking about
an armored convoy...

917
00:49:40,620 --> 00:49:43,253
and a vicious super soldier
from the future...

918
00:49:43,255 --> 00:49:45,723
who is dead set on turning
your skull into an ashtray.

919
00:49:45,725 --> 00:49:48,859
You know what we need to do?
We need to build a team.

920
00:49:48,861 --> 00:49:50,828
We need 'em tough,
morally flexible...

921
00:49:50,830 --> 00:49:53,297
and young enough to carry
this franchise 10 to 12 years.

922
00:49:53,299 --> 00:49:54,897
We need
<i>Ocean's Fourteen</i> stuff.

923
00:49:54,899 --> 00:49:57,201
- The mother of all teams.
- <i>John Wick 3.</i>

924
00:49:57,203 --> 00:49:58,268
- Cheap.
- But with

925
00:49:58,270 --> 00:49:59,369
- the original directors.
- Smart.

926
00:49:59,371 --> 00:50:00,471
My body is an
instrument of death.

927
00:50:00,473 --> 00:50:01,639
Not now, Dopinder.

928
00:50:01,641 --> 00:50:03,607
I could be of great use.

929
00:50:03,609 --> 00:50:05,478
What's your superpower?

930
00:50:07,145 --> 00:50:08,545
- Courage.
- That's adorable.

931
00:50:08,547 --> 00:50:10,514
All right, I'll put out
a call for resumes.

932
00:50:10,516 --> 00:50:12,750
But we're not paying
medical or dental.

933
00:50:12,752 --> 00:50:14,987
It's time to get back
on LinkedIn.

934
00:50:39,978 --> 00:50:41,612
<i>Attention, all inmates!</i>

935
00:50:41,614 --> 00:50:44,514
<i>Transport to Cross Force
Maximum Security</i>

936
00:50:44,516 --> 00:50:45,782
<i>Mutant Containment Facility...</i>

937
00:50:45,784 --> 00:50:47,750
<i>will begin at 0800 hours.</i>

938
00:50:47,752 --> 00:50:50,420
<i>Inspection of your cells
and out-processing</i>

939
00:50:50,422 --> 00:50:51,891
<i>will begin at 0600.</i>

940
00:50:54,993 --> 00:50:56,828
<i>Attention, all inmates.</i>

941
00:50:56,830 --> 00:50:59,196
<i>Transport to Cross Force
Maximum Security</i>

942
00:50:59,198 --> 00:51:00,264
<i>Mutant Containment Facility...</i>

943
00:51:00,266 --> 00:51:01,331
Oi.

944
00:51:01,333 --> 00:51:02,732
What do you want?

945
00:51:02,734 --> 00:51:04,534
You stole my pudding.

946
00:51:04,536 --> 00:51:06,436
- What pudding?
- You like pudding?

947
00:51:24,489 --> 00:51:25,692
Hello?

948
00:51:27,725 --> 00:51:29,328
I know you're in there.

949
00:51:40,172 --> 00:51:42,809
Must be hard
being the biggest guy in here.

950
00:51:44,109 --> 00:51:46,243
Lonely at the top, eh?

951
00:51:46,245 --> 00:51:48,280
They're moving us tomorrow.

952
00:51:50,583 --> 00:51:52,686
Maybe I can get you
out of here.

953
00:51:53,652 --> 00:51:57,057
And we can make
the whole world our bitch.

954
00:51:58,658 --> 00:52:00,659
We need a secret code.

955
00:52:03,495 --> 00:52:06,198
No,
that's stupid, Russell. Idiot.

956
00:52:13,406 --> 00:52:14,871
We're a team.

957
00:52:14,873 --> 00:52:16,873
We're like thugs,
we're like gangsters.

958
00:52:16,875 --> 00:52:19,379
I'm like Tupac,
and you're like Ice Cube.

959
00:52:20,679 --> 00:52:23,114
Supposedly,
she can rap, too.

960
00:52:23,116 --> 00:52:23,980
I like that.

961
00:52:23,982 --> 00:52:25,549
Terrific,
these are all terrific.

962
00:52:25,551 --> 00:52:27,384
Meet Bedlam.

963
00:52:27,386 --> 00:52:29,654
Cool name! Superpowers?

964
00:52:29,656 --> 00:52:31,321
I can distort
electrical fields.

965
00:52:32,225 --> 00:52:34,625
Including the one
inside your brain...

966
00:52:34,627 --> 00:52:37,427
causing anxiety, confusion...

967
00:52:37,429 --> 00:52:38,632
pain.

968
00:52:39,565 --> 00:52:41,598
So, basically,
you're Dave Matthews.

969
00:52:41,600 --> 00:52:43,002
We can use him.

970
00:52:44,636 --> 00:52:46,270
I'm Zeitgeist.

971
00:52:46,272 --> 00:52:47,538
Cool. I like it.

972
00:52:47,540 --> 00:52:48,806
So you have the power

973
00:52:48,808 --> 00:52:51,378
to put your finger
on the pulse of society?

974
00:52:52,312 --> 00:52:53,610
No.

975
00:52:53,612 --> 00:52:55,478
No, I spit acidic vomit.

976
00:52:55,480 --> 00:52:56,581
- Oh.
- Do you want me

977
00:52:56,583 --> 00:52:57,647
- to demonstrate?
- No!

978
00:52:57,649 --> 00:52:59,016
We'll take
your word for it.

979
00:52:59,018 --> 00:53:01,384
Thank you. Yeah. Listen, we've
all eaten at Arby's, okay?

980
00:53:01,386 --> 00:53:04,123
And this is the Vanisher.

981
00:53:07,493 --> 00:53:08,695
But...

982
00:53:09,629 --> 00:53:11,261
Vanisher!

983
00:53:13,500 --> 00:53:15,835
- Nice!
- Right?

984
00:53:16,402 --> 00:53:17,668
He's not here, is he?

985
00:53:17,670 --> 00:53:19,406
He may be running late.

986
00:53:20,739 --> 00:53:23,641
My name's Rusty,
but I go by Shatterstar.

987
00:53:23,643 --> 00:53:24,842
That's good, yeah.

988
00:53:24,844 --> 00:53:27,011
- "Rusty" is terrible.
- Toughie.

989
00:53:27,013 --> 00:53:29,913
- So, uh, where are you from?
- The planet Mojo World.

990
00:53:29,915 --> 00:53:31,982
- So you're an alien, I guess.
- Bad name.

991
00:53:31,984 --> 00:53:33,750
How does that,
uh, help us?

992
00:53:33,752 --> 00:53:36,719
I'm basically better
than you at everything.

993
00:53:36,721 --> 00:53:38,522
Just once, I'm gonna find
a planet of people

994
00:53:38,524 --> 00:53:40,023
that are worse than me
at everything.

995
00:53:40,025 --> 00:53:42,226
A whole bunch
of functional idiots.

996
00:53:42,228 --> 00:53:44,460
I'm gonna go there, and I'm
gonna be their Superman.

997
00:53:44,462 --> 00:53:45,529
Isn't that Canada?

998
00:53:45,531 --> 00:53:48,067
You shut your
goddamn trash mouth!

999
00:53:49,000 --> 00:53:50,301
- Meet...
- Domino.

1000
00:53:50,303 --> 00:53:52,703
- What's your shtick?
- I'm lucky.

1001
00:53:52,705 --> 00:53:53,971
That's not a superpower.

1002
00:53:53,973 --> 00:53:55,038
- Yeah, it is.
- No, it isn't.

1003
00:53:55,040 --> 00:53:56,440
- Yes, it is.
- No, it isn't.

1004
00:53:56,442 --> 00:53:57,641
- Yeah, it is.
- No, it isn't.

1005
00:53:57,643 --> 00:53:58,708
- Yes, it is.
- No, it isn't.

1006
00:53:58,710 --> 00:53:59,777
- Yeah, it is.
- It really isn't.

1007
00:53:59,779 --> 00:54:01,143
- No, it isn't.
- Yes, it is.

1008
00:54:01,145 --> 00:54:02,212
Told you.

1009
00:54:02,214 --> 00:54:03,681
Get out of my head!

1010
00:54:03,683 --> 00:54:04,880
I'm not in your head.

1011
00:54:04,882 --> 00:54:06,417
It looks like I'm in
an 11-year-old's bedroom.

1012
00:54:06,419 --> 00:54:08,752
If you're so lucky, then what
are you doing here with us?

1013
00:54:08,754 --> 00:54:10,353
- I don't know yet.
- What's that supposed to mean?

1014
00:54:10,355 --> 00:54:12,422
There's a reason why I'm here,
and I'll know when I know.

1015
00:54:12,424 --> 00:54:14,558
Everything usually just
kind of works out for me.

1016
00:54:14,560 --> 00:54:15,726
- You're hired!
- You're hired.

1017
00:54:15,728 --> 00:54:17,328
Oh, lucky me.

1018
00:54:17,330 --> 00:54:18,331
She's great.

1019
00:54:19,632 --> 00:54:21,197
And last, but not least...

1020
00:54:21,199 --> 00:54:22,301
Peter.

1021
00:54:23,536 --> 00:54:26,002
Am I getting
catfished here or...?

1022
00:54:26,004 --> 00:54:28,239
Any powers you wanna
tell us about?

1023
00:54:28,241 --> 00:54:29,672
No.

1024
00:54:29,674 --> 00:54:31,475
I don't have one.

1025
00:54:31,477 --> 00:54:32,710
Um, I just saw the ad.

1026
00:54:32,712 --> 00:54:34,712
No superpowers at all?

1027
00:54:34,714 --> 00:54:37,917
I have both type 1
and 2 diabetes.

1028
00:54:38,283 --> 00:54:39,616
Ow! Oh!

1029
00:54:39,618 --> 00:54:40,918
That's all the diabetes.

1030
00:54:40,920 --> 00:54:42,085
Right, yeah,
you got 'em all.

1031
00:54:42,087 --> 00:54:44,688
If you find a type 3,
let us know.

1032
00:54:44,690 --> 00:54:45,755
Yeah.

1033
00:54:45,757 --> 00:54:47,056
You're in.

1034
00:54:47,058 --> 00:54:48,160
Come on!

1035
00:54:50,730 --> 00:54:52,932
It's fulfilling work.

1036
00:55:03,076 --> 00:55:05,475
<i>This is Convoy 17
departing the Ice Box.</i>

1037
00:55:05,477 --> 00:55:06,779
<i>We are en route.</i>

1038
00:55:14,654 --> 00:55:17,190
Peacetime makes people soft.

1039
00:55:18,656 --> 00:55:20,559
I was born into war.

1040
00:55:22,127 --> 00:55:23,428
Bred into it.

1041
00:55:24,330 --> 00:55:26,029
Okay.

1042
00:55:26,031 --> 00:55:28,934
What's the most pain
you've ever felt?

1043
00:55:30,236 --> 00:55:31,502
These restraints
are pretty...

1044
00:55:31,504 --> 00:55:32,806
I've got a list.

1045
00:55:33,839 --> 00:55:36,008
We're gonna work down it.

1046
00:55:36,708 --> 00:55:37,977
Together.

1047
00:55:38,844 --> 00:55:41,844
Number one,
I'm gonna bend something.

1048
00:55:41,846 --> 00:55:44,214
Something that was not
meant to bend.

1049
00:55:44,216 --> 00:55:45,315
I'm gonna
stop you right there

1050
00:55:45,317 --> 00:55:46,683
because I'm not gonna
make it to two.

1051
00:55:46,685 --> 00:55:48,018
I won't even
make it to one.

1052
00:55:48,020 --> 00:55:49,453
I don't do well with pain,
you know.

1053
00:55:49,455 --> 00:55:52,223
If I stub my toe,
I'm done for the day.

1054
00:55:52,225 --> 00:55:54,259
I cried when they
canceled <i>Felicity.</i>

1055
00:55:55,493 --> 00:55:56,393
I don't want you
to hurt me,

1056
00:55:56,395 --> 00:55:58,997
and I'll tell you
anything you wanna know.

1057
00:55:59,964 --> 00:56:01,864
Except for where they are.

1058
00:56:01,866 --> 00:56:03,100
Russell's in a convoy
heading southbound

1059
00:56:03,102 --> 00:56:05,034
on Gerry Duggan Parkway.

1060
00:56:05,036 --> 00:56:06,703
The monster's with them.
I wouldn't mess with him.

1061
00:56:06,705 --> 00:56:07,770
You all know the plan.

1062
00:56:07,772 --> 00:56:10,406
Intercept the convoy,
grab the boy.

1063
00:56:10,408 --> 00:56:11,507
But not inappropriately!

1064
00:56:11,509 --> 00:56:12,476
<i>You know what,</i>

1065
00:56:12,478 --> 00:56:13,944
<i>I wouldn't mess
with Deadpool either.</i>

1066
00:56:13,946 --> 00:56:16,313
<i>Because he's built a team.
He's unstoppable.</i>

1067
00:56:16,315 --> 00:56:19,014
He has an ass pen.
He'll stab you with it.

1068
00:56:19,016 --> 00:56:21,552
Watch out for this guy, Cable!

1069
00:56:21,554 --> 00:56:24,788
He's very short, 5'11".
Not like in the comics.

1070
00:56:24,790 --> 00:56:27,491
And if we succeed,
we all go home early.

1071
00:56:27,493 --> 00:56:30,129
So if you go after
them, Cable, I warn you...

1072
00:56:30,996 --> 00:56:32,966
there's a wind advisory
in effect.

1073
00:56:43,875 --> 00:56:45,544
<i>A little turbulent up here.</i>

1074
00:56:52,884 --> 00:56:54,817
I don't know much
about this Cable fella...

1075
00:56:54,819 --> 00:56:56,085
but I guarantee
he hasn't killed

1076
00:56:56,087 --> 00:56:58,190
as many people
as melanoma has.

1077
00:56:59,391 --> 00:57:00,757
We're getting close!

1078
00:57:00,759 --> 00:57:02,326
As a former X-Man...

1079
00:57:02,328 --> 00:57:04,360
- Trainee.
- Thank you, Bedlam.

1080
00:57:04,362 --> 00:57:07,397
I was always appalled
by the blatant sexism

1081
00:57:07,399 --> 00:57:08,531
in the group's name.

1082
00:57:08,533 --> 00:57:10,400
X-Men! Men!

1083
00:57:10,402 --> 00:57:13,636
The point is, our group
will be forward thinking.

1084
00:57:13,638 --> 00:57:15,005
Gender neutral.

1085
00:57:15,007 --> 00:57:18,044
From now on,
we'll be known as...

1086
00:57:19,578 --> 00:57:21,080
X-Force.

1087
00:57:27,319 --> 00:57:29,886
Hang the laundry out
at 1,300 feet...

1088
00:57:29,888 --> 00:57:31,788
intercept the convoy,
and grab the boy.

1089
00:57:31,790 --> 00:57:32,956
Let's bring on
the carnage, baby!

1090
00:57:32,958 --> 00:57:34,757
Get me on the ground,
watch me go!

1091
00:57:34,759 --> 00:57:35,893
Yeah!

1092
00:57:35,895 --> 00:57:37,761
I can't wait to kill!

1093
00:57:37,763 --> 00:57:40,397
Hey! Hey! Hey!

1094
00:57:40,399 --> 00:57:43,167
I just wanna say
how proud I am of this team.

1095
00:57:43,169 --> 00:57:46,103
You know,
you guys look amazing!

1096
00:57:46,105 --> 00:57:49,038
Vanisher, I have no doubt
you look amazing too.

1097
00:57:49,040 --> 00:57:50,141
This is the family

1098
00:57:50,143 --> 00:57:52,610
that I've always dreamed
of having and I...

1099
00:57:52,612 --> 00:57:54,411
Ah, darn. I just...

1100
00:57:55,346 --> 00:57:57,047
I just get a little
choked up sometimes.

1101
00:57:57,049 --> 00:57:58,949
I hate to interrupt,
but is anybody nervous

1102
00:57:58,951 --> 00:58:00,317
about the high winds?

1103
00:58:00,319 --> 00:58:01,685
- Gary.
- My name's Peter.

1104
00:58:01,687 --> 00:58:03,788
I realize that you're
new to this, but relax.

1105
00:58:03,790 --> 00:58:05,355
You've been chosen
by a higher power.

1106
00:58:05,357 --> 00:58:07,657
- Did he just call himself God?
- I think he did.

1107
00:58:07,659 --> 00:58:08,726
I'd like to go home.

1108
00:58:08,728 --> 00:58:10,460
I spent 10 years
in Special Forces.

1109
00:58:10,462 --> 00:58:11,795
You think we didn't
jump out of the plane

1110
00:58:11,797 --> 00:58:13,830
because of a light breeze?

1111
00:58:13,832 --> 00:58:16,165
You're in this shit now,
Mustache!

1112
00:58:16,167 --> 00:58:18,168
I'm only yelling
to impress the other guys.

1113
00:58:18,170 --> 00:58:20,703
I'd never let anything
happen to you, Sugarbear.

1114
00:58:20,705 --> 00:58:22,906
Leonard, hit it!

1115
00:58:31,516 --> 00:58:33,616
Go! Go! Go!

1116
00:59:09,121 --> 00:59:10,686
Let's get some!

1117
00:59:10,688 --> 00:59:11,855
Whoo!

1118
00:59:11,857 --> 00:59:13,089
Oh, yeah!

1119
00:59:13,091 --> 00:59:16,161
Convoy, 12 o'clock!
On my command!

1120
00:59:16,929 --> 00:59:18,531
Deploy! Oh, hey now!

1121
00:59:18,797 --> 00:59:20,132
Whoa!

1122
00:59:25,804 --> 00:59:27,440
Little off course here.

1123
00:59:29,708 --> 00:59:32,311
Holy mommy, what the...?

1124
00:59:33,478 --> 00:59:35,244
Ah, there they are.

1125
00:59:35,246 --> 00:59:38,382
Look at these gorgeous
sons of bitches.

1126
00:59:38,384 --> 00:59:40,553
Oh, yeah!
That's right, Bedlam!

1127
00:59:45,290 --> 00:59:48,160
No! Tripping billies!

1128
00:59:48,627 --> 00:59:49,629
Shatterstar.

1129
00:59:50,196 --> 00:59:51,797
Okay, you got this.

1130
00:59:53,931 --> 00:59:55,031
Left!

1131
00:59:55,033 --> 00:59:56,366
Left!

1132
00:59:56,368 --> 00:59:58,802
No, stage left, you idiot!

1133
01:00:00,473 --> 01:00:02,139
Well, I guess
we found something

1134
01:00:02,141 --> 01:00:03,409
you're not better at.

1135
01:00:05,444 --> 01:00:06,543
Vanisher.

1136
01:00:06,545 --> 01:00:08,548
Maybe the wind can't blow
what it can't see.

1137
01:00:10,949 --> 01:00:12,047
Oh! Really?

1138
01:00:12,049 --> 01:00:13,518
Wait, wait, wait.
Was that...

1139
01:00:14,020 --> 01:00:15,085
Benjamin Button.

1140
01:00:15,087 --> 01:00:16,853
Brad Pitt?

1141
01:00:16,855 --> 01:00:18,822
How'd you get Brad Pitt?

1142
01:00:18,824 --> 01:00:19,922
You're here, aren't you?

1143
01:00:19,924 --> 01:00:21,958
Yeah, but I didn't
agree to...

1144
01:00:21,960 --> 01:00:23,893
Oh.

1145
01:00:23,895 --> 01:00:25,094
See, Brad...

1146
01:00:25,096 --> 01:00:26,964
he's still locked
in my storm cellar

1147
01:00:26,966 --> 01:00:29,331
along with Celine Dion
and Matt Damon.

1148
01:00:29,333 --> 01:00:31,601
It's like <i>Shawshank</i>
down there.

1149
01:00:32,837 --> 01:00:34,571
Matt Damon's in this shit?

1150
01:00:34,573 --> 01:00:35,739
Yeah.

1151
01:00:35,741 --> 01:00:38,074
I suggest you go down there
first thing...

1152
01:00:38,076 --> 01:00:39,610
and just punch him
as hard as you can.

1153
01:00:39,612 --> 01:00:42,411
You wanna establish dominance
or that guy will own you.

1154
01:00:42,413 --> 01:00:45,281
And quit burning
our "S" words.

1155
01:00:45,283 --> 01:00:46,885
I've always wanted
to fight Matt Damon.

1156
01:00:49,187 --> 01:00:50,253
I'm sorry,
what did you say?

1157
01:00:50,255 --> 01:00:51,420
What did I say?

1158
01:00:51,422 --> 01:00:53,589
- I thought you said...
- Matt Damon.

1159
01:00:53,591 --> 01:00:55,025
- I did. I wanna...
- Matt Damon.

1160
01:00:55,027 --> 01:00:56,092
You wanna what?

1161
01:00:56,094 --> 01:00:57,159
I wanna... him,

1162
01:00:57,161 --> 01:00:58,362
- and then I want him to...
- me.

1163
01:00:58,364 --> 01:00:59,496
And then,
if I'm doing a good job...

1164
01:00:59,498 --> 01:01:00,764
I want all my friends
and family

1165
01:01:00,766 --> 01:01:01,897
to come watch me...

1166
01:01:01,899 --> 01:01:03,100
Tell me more about that.

1167
01:01:03,102 --> 01:01:04,668
- Well, I feel like, if we...
- each other,

1168
01:01:04,670 --> 01:01:06,902
you know, in private,
kinda work on our moves.

1169
01:01:06,904 --> 01:01:09,005
Then we kinda sell
some tickets...

1170
01:01:09,007 --> 01:01:10,272
and we get an arena,
you know?

1171
01:01:10,274 --> 01:01:11,674
And then we...
each other in the arena.

1172
01:01:11,676 --> 01:01:13,543
We get outfits.
You know, like cool outfits.

1173
01:01:13,545 --> 01:01:14,844
- And we...
- each other...

1174
01:01:14,846 --> 01:01:16,545
and everyone's cheering
and betting on who's gonna...

1175
01:01:16,547 --> 01:01:18,047
each other
the hardest.

1176
01:01:18,049 --> 01:01:19,415
And then, when it's all done,

1177
01:01:19,417 --> 01:01:21,085
there's gonna be
a champion...

1178
01:01:21,087 --> 01:01:22,351
And it'll be like,
I think I'll win...

1179
01:01:22,353 --> 01:01:23,719
'cause I'm like
a really strong...

1180
01:01:23,721 --> 01:01:25,154
Right. Yeah, totally.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1181
01:01:25,156 --> 01:01:27,089
And they'll be like,
"Wait, no, lay off Matt Damon!

1182
01:01:27,091 --> 01:01:28,625
"You're... him
too hard!"

1183
01:01:28,627 --> 01:01:29,625
And I'm gonna say,

1184
01:01:29,627 --> 01:01:31,527
"- No! I got a little more...
- left in me."

1185
01:01:31,529 --> 01:01:32,728
And then I'm gonna...

1186
01:01:32,730 --> 01:01:34,397
- and I'm gonna...
- and I'm gonna...

1187
01:01:34,399 --> 01:01:35,565
Why are you buzzing that?

1188
01:01:35,567 --> 01:01:37,333
'Cause I feel like
you're making it sound like

1189
01:01:37,335 --> 01:01:38,701
I'm saying something
I'm not saying.

1190
01:01:38,703 --> 01:01:39,569
What are you saying?

1191
01:01:39,571 --> 01:01:40,837
I'm saying
I wanna fight Matt Damon.

1192
01:01:40,839 --> 01:01:41,904
Oh!

1193
01:01:41,906 --> 01:01:43,206
You should've said so!

1194
01:01:43,208 --> 01:01:45,174
- I thought you were saying...
- Matt Damon.

1195
01:01:45,176 --> 01:01:46,241
- No!
- No!

1196
01:01:46,243 --> 01:01:47,844
- That's crazy!
- Crazy.

1197
01:01:47,846 --> 01:01:48,946
Why, did he ask about me?

1198
01:01:48,948 --> 01:01:50,013
No.

1199
01:01:50,015 --> 01:01:51,217
Okay.

1200
01:01:52,183 --> 01:01:54,284
All right,
we could do this with four.

1201
01:01:54,286 --> 01:01:57,221
Sugarbear.
You got this, buddy!

1202
01:01:57,223 --> 01:02:00,322
That's the stuff!
That's the X-Force spirit!

1203
01:02:00,324 --> 01:02:02,493
Never underestimate
a man with a mustache!

1204
01:02:02,495 --> 01:02:04,060
Just ask anyone in Brooklyn.

1205
01:02:04,062 --> 01:02:05,228
We did it!

1206
01:02:05,230 --> 01:02:07,029
You're a goddamn
superhero, you!

1207
01:02:07,031 --> 01:02:08,266
X-Force!

1208
01:02:08,732 --> 01:02:09,734
X-Force.

1209
01:02:10,268 --> 01:02:11,801
Whoo-hoo!

1210
01:02:14,040 --> 01:02:15,942
Oh!

1211
01:02:19,710 --> 01:02:20,677
Peter.

1212
01:02:20,679 --> 01:02:22,378
I got you, buddy!
You're gonna be fine!

1213
01:02:22,380 --> 01:02:24,346
You got this, big guy!
Here we go, Peter!

1214
01:02:24,348 --> 01:02:26,616
Look at me.
We're X-Force, right?

1215
01:02:26,618 --> 01:02:28,920
- Yeah, we're X-Force.
- We're X-Force.

1216
01:02:32,457 --> 01:02:34,290
Oh, my gosh! What the...?

1217
01:02:34,292 --> 01:02:36,326
Acidic vomit!

1218
01:02:36,328 --> 01:02:39,596
Oh, God! I'm gonna throw up
in my mask.

1219
01:02:41,333 --> 01:02:43,665
Okay, I'm over the convoy.

1220
01:02:43,667 --> 01:02:46,335
Where did the rest
of the team land?

1221
01:02:46,337 --> 01:02:48,103
<i>Good news and bad news.</i>

1222
01:02:48,105 --> 01:02:51,306
Bad news is
the whole team is dead.

1223
01:02:51,308 --> 01:02:52,542
The good news is,

1224
01:02:52,544 --> 01:02:54,478
I don't think anyone's
gonna miss Shatterstar.

1225
01:02:54,480 --> 01:02:57,880
He was a bit of a prick.
Oh, but Paul!

1226
01:02:57,882 --> 01:02:58,949
<i>Peter!</i>

1227
01:02:58,951 --> 01:03:00,217
Peter, I'm gonna
miss him most.

1228
01:03:00,219 --> 01:03:01,351
<i>The whole team?</i>

1229
01:03:01,353 --> 01:03:03,152
Only the main ones.
We're still good.

1230
01:03:03,154 --> 01:03:04,587
<i>You are so dumb.</i>

1231
01:03:04,589 --> 01:03:07,322
Even after all this time,
I still can't talk about it.

1232
01:03:07,324 --> 01:03:09,360
Who knew these winds
would be so strong?

1233
01:03:09,362 --> 01:03:11,795
<i>Everyone!
Everyone on the helicopter!</i>

1234
01:03:11,797 --> 01:03:13,766
<i>And everyone
not on the helicopter!</i>

1235
01:03:15,667 --> 01:03:17,402
Looking good, Vanisher.

1236
01:03:26,277 --> 01:03:28,478
They're headed
into the tunnel.

1237
01:03:28,480 --> 01:03:30,080
I'm that kid's only hope,

1238
01:03:30,082 --> 01:03:32,181
so sit tight
and wait for my word.

1239
01:03:32,183 --> 01:03:33,482
<i>I'm dropping in.</i>

1240
01:03:33,484 --> 01:03:35,451
<i>Uh, that's
a negative, sole survivor.</i>

1241
01:03:35,453 --> 01:03:38,721
<i>Luck is not a superpower!
We are so screwed!</i>

1242
01:03:38,723 --> 01:03:41,824
No, we most certainly
are not screwed.

1243
01:03:45,663 --> 01:03:48,098
<i>Seriously,
I don't get it!</i>

1244
01:03:48,100 --> 01:03:51,036
<i>What, you shoot luck lasers
out of your eyes?</i>

1245
01:03:52,136 --> 01:03:53,837
<i>It's just
it's hard to picture.</i>

1246
01:03:53,839 --> 01:03:56,042
<i>And certainly
not very cinematic.</i>

1247
01:03:57,442 --> 01:04:00,610
<i>I mean, luck? What kind of
caffeine-chugging...</i>

1248
01:04:00,612 --> 01:04:03,279
<i>diet-soda-swillin'
freakshow comic book artist...</i>

1249
01:04:03,281 --> 01:04:04,781
came up
with that little chestnut?

1250
01:04:04,783 --> 01:04:07,085
Probably a guy
who can't draw feet!

1251
01:04:14,826 --> 01:04:17,860
<i>Once again, it all falls
on my shoulders.</i>

1252
01:04:17,862 --> 01:04:19,263
<i>It's why I'm cursed to be
a solo act.</i>

1253
01:04:19,265 --> 01:04:20,397
- <i>Wander the Earth...</i>
- I'm in.

1254
01:04:20,399 --> 01:04:22,031
<i>I'm sorry,
what did you say?</i>

1255
01:04:22,033 --> 01:04:22,965
<i>I'm in.</i>

1256
01:04:22,967 --> 01:04:25,701
How in the name of Satan
are you in already?

1257
01:04:25,703 --> 01:04:27,069
Oh, shit.

1258
01:04:27,071 --> 01:04:28,404
It's Cable. 12 o'clock.

1259
01:04:28,406 --> 01:04:29,505
<i>Okay.</i>

1260
01:04:29,507 --> 01:04:31,907
New plan. Use all of your
imaginary powers

1261
01:04:31,909 --> 01:04:34,944
to stop Cable
from killing that kid.

1262
01:04:34,946 --> 01:04:36,649
I'm coming up on your six.

1263
01:04:44,156 --> 01:04:46,121
That gun is amazing!

1264
01:04:56,234 --> 01:04:57,967
<i>Where is he?
I can't see him.</i>

1265
01:04:57,969 --> 01:04:59,571
<i>He's on the top.</i>

1266
01:05:03,741 --> 01:05:05,609
<i>He's in! He's in!</i>

1267
01:05:05,611 --> 01:05:07,844
Russell! Russell Collins!

1268
01:05:07,846 --> 01:05:10,082
Hands off that kid,
John Connor!

1269
01:05:19,324 --> 01:05:20,625
Shit!

1270
01:05:42,380 --> 01:05:44,516
Two can play that game!

1271
01:05:46,384 --> 01:05:47,784
Got it!

1272
01:05:47,786 --> 01:05:49,018
No, I don't.

1273
01:05:49,020 --> 01:05:50,087
<i>Showtime, mama!</i>

1274
01:05:50,089 --> 01:05:51,791
Lady Luck, take the wheel.

1275
01:06:13,578 --> 01:06:14,779
Eat me, mutant!

1276
01:06:15,312 --> 01:06:16,515
Ouchie!

1277
01:06:40,239 --> 01:06:41,240
Hang in there, Doms!

1278
01:06:42,507 --> 01:06:43,973
Oh, this is really hard.

1279
01:06:55,487 --> 01:06:57,022
And give me back
my Skee-Ball token.

1280
01:07:00,458 --> 01:07:02,094
- You're doing great.
- X-Force.

1281
01:07:03,862 --> 01:07:06,128
I guess dubstep never dies.

1282
01:07:10,301 --> 01:07:11,504
Whoo!

1283
01:07:17,109 --> 01:07:19,745
You killed Black Tom,
you racist son of a...

1284
01:07:22,513 --> 01:07:23,748
That's unfortunate.

1285
01:07:26,652 --> 01:07:28,183
We got no brakes!

1286
01:07:28,185 --> 01:07:29,587
Figure it out!

1287
01:07:32,690 --> 01:07:34,526
There's nothing I can't kill.

1288
01:07:36,261 --> 01:07:37,627
Ooh.

1289
01:07:37,629 --> 01:07:41,065
Somebody knows karate.

1290
01:07:43,167 --> 01:07:45,003
Give me your best shot,
One-Eyed Willy.

1291
01:07:57,348 --> 01:07:59,315
Those bullets are like,
super fast.

1292
01:07:59,317 --> 01:08:00,750
Here we go.

1293
01:08:00,752 --> 01:08:03,252
Domino,
mind slowing us down?

1294
01:08:03,254 --> 01:08:05,087
Here goes nothing.

1295
01:08:30,782 --> 01:08:32,150
Knock, knock.

1296
01:08:37,922 --> 01:08:39,188
That's my boy.

1297
01:08:44,562 --> 01:08:46,129
Holy...

1298
01:08:56,440 --> 01:08:57,973
<i>I'll be first to admit...</i>

1299
01:08:57,975 --> 01:09:00,612
<i>this did not go
according to plan.</i>

1300
01:09:01,712 --> 01:09:03,413
<i>I'll also be the first
to admit that</i>

1301
01:09:03,415 --> 01:09:05,615
<i>that plan was
written in crayon.</i>

1302
01:09:05,617 --> 01:09:08,485
<i>Looks like Russell found
a new friend.</i>

1303
01:09:08,487 --> 01:09:10,087
<i>Turns out Domino's
a bit of a badass,</i>

1304
01:09:10,089 --> 01:09:13,222
<i>and maybe,
possibly mildly lucky.</i>

1305
01:09:13,224 --> 01:09:16,659
<i>But Cable? Ugh.
That guy's in a mood.</i>

1306
01:09:16,661 --> 01:09:17,727
A mood that is

1307
01:09:17,729 --> 01:09:19,764
about to get
significantly worse.

1308
01:09:43,187 --> 01:09:45,791
Something is so terribly,
terribly wrong.

1309
01:09:48,659 --> 01:09:50,095
Oh.

1310
01:09:52,096 --> 01:09:53,698
Oh, man, that hurt.

1311
01:09:59,002 --> 01:10:00,072
Russell.

1312
01:10:02,639 --> 01:10:03,908
Russell!

1313
01:10:04,475 --> 01:10:06,679
Russ, where are ya?

1314
01:10:09,980 --> 01:10:12,382
Russell.
Russell, you're okay!

1315
01:10:12,384 --> 01:10:15,752
Oh, thank...
Oh, my God!

1316
01:10:15,754 --> 01:10:17,186
Juggernaut!

1317
01:10:18,322 --> 01:10:20,389
I thought that was you!

1318
01:10:20,391 --> 01:10:22,959
I should've worn
my white pants.

1319
01:10:22,961 --> 01:10:26,929
You probably get this a lot,
but I am a huge fan.

1320
01:10:26,931 --> 01:10:30,465
<i>Uncanny X-Men</i> 183.
<i>Thor</i> 411.

1321
01:10:30,467 --> 01:10:31,734
<i>X-Men Unlimited</i> 12.

1322
01:10:31,736 --> 01:10:33,902
You know, it has always been
a dream of mine...

1323
01:10:33,904 --> 01:10:35,838
to see my face
reflected in your helmet...

1324
01:10:35,840 --> 01:10:37,940
as you charge at me
with murderous intent.

1325
01:10:37,942 --> 01:10:39,842
I don't mean right now.

1326
01:10:39,844 --> 01:10:41,878
I'm gonna
rip you in half now.

1327
01:10:41,880 --> 01:10:44,347
That is such
a Juggernaut thing to say.

1328
01:10:47,685 --> 01:10:48,920
Oh, my God!

1329
01:11:01,032 --> 01:11:03,600
Oh, my God!
I can't feel my legs.

1330
01:11:03,602 --> 01:11:04,803
I can't feel...

1331
01:11:05,703 --> 01:11:07,803
Oh, no, they're right here.

1332
01:11:07,805 --> 01:11:09,672
Got 'em. Russell.

1333
01:11:09,674 --> 01:11:11,342
I have a mission.

1334
01:11:11,909 --> 01:11:13,676
To get my revenge.

1335
01:11:13,678 --> 01:11:15,945
I'm going to burn
that headmaster alive.

1336
01:11:15,947 --> 01:11:18,347
You're not the revenge type.

1337
01:11:18,349 --> 01:11:19,981
Take it from a friend.

1338
01:11:19,983 --> 01:11:23,352
Friend? You said it yourself.

1339
01:11:23,354 --> 01:11:26,155
"I'm not your friend.
Find someone stronger."

1340
01:11:26,157 --> 01:11:27,389
So I did.

1341
01:11:28,659 --> 01:11:30,860
Russell, I couldn't
protect you back then.

1342
01:11:30,862 --> 01:11:34,230
But I can now. What do you
want me to say, huh?

1343
01:11:34,232 --> 01:11:38,133
"I care about you"? 'Cause
I care about you, Russell.

1344
01:11:38,135 --> 01:11:40,203
What's Juggernaut got
that I don't have?

1345
01:11:40,205 --> 01:11:43,205
Don't you say legs! I know
you're gonna say legs!

1346
01:11:43,207 --> 01:11:46,277
- Legs!
- Still hurts to hear out loud!

1347
01:11:48,279 --> 01:11:51,380
What is that?
That's not a real rope!

1348
01:11:51,382 --> 01:11:53,885
You get back here, young man!

1349
01:11:54,685 --> 01:11:56,151
Doms!

1350
01:11:56,153 --> 01:11:58,288
Doms, get me
out of here, please.

1351
01:11:58,290 --> 01:12:00,893
Use my arms
as backpack straps.

1352
01:12:03,562 --> 01:12:04,694
I think we may have found

1353
01:12:04,696 --> 01:12:06,995
your cosmic reason
for being here.

1354
01:12:06,997 --> 01:12:08,798
I'm pretty sure
this isn't it.

1355
01:12:08,800 --> 01:12:10,235
X-Force.

1356
01:12:23,348 --> 01:12:25,280
<i>No child is hopeless.</i>

1357
01:12:25,282 --> 01:12:28,918
- Don't give up on the boy.
- How could he just walk away?

1358
01:12:28,920 --> 01:12:31,721
It was the coldness
in his eyes.

1359
01:12:31,723 --> 01:12:33,391
You should've heard it.

1360
01:12:35,126 --> 01:12:37,563
I guess family
really is an F-word.

1361
01:12:38,430 --> 01:12:40,696
Rub my legs, Mama.

1362
01:12:40,698 --> 01:12:42,063
Why would I rub your legs?

1363
01:12:42,065 --> 01:12:45,235
Please, they hurt.
I have growing pains.

1364
01:12:48,306 --> 01:12:49,871
What in the...

1365
01:12:49,873 --> 01:12:52,674
Why is your hand
so tiny again?

1366
01:12:52,676 --> 01:12:54,576
That's not my hand.

1367
01:12:54,578 --> 01:12:56,913
Oh! Mary,
mother of Joseph!

1368
01:12:56,915 --> 01:12:58,882
That was nice for me.

1369
01:12:58,884 --> 01:13:01,749
Wade! I heard what happened
with the convoy and...

1370
01:13:06,090 --> 01:13:08,356
Why wouldn't you
cover that up?

1371
01:13:08,358 --> 01:13:11,593
A warrior has nothing
to be ashamed of.

1372
01:13:11,595 --> 01:13:13,128
Yeah, but you do.
Look at you.

1373
01:13:13,130 --> 01:13:14,463
You're just straight, just...

1374
01:13:14,465 --> 01:13:16,398
Full Winnie the Pooh.

1375
01:13:16,400 --> 01:13:18,168
Toddler style?

1376
01:13:18,170 --> 01:13:19,134
Yes, sir.

1377
01:13:19,136 --> 01:13:20,870
<i>Wait, hold on, hold on.
Hold on.</i>

1378
01:13:20,872 --> 01:13:25,508
If the top half of Deadpool
is growing baby legs...

1379
01:13:25,510 --> 01:13:28,944
does that mean the bottom half
is growing a baby head?

1380
01:13:28,946 --> 01:13:30,178
Well, I don't see
why that matters.

1381
01:13:30,180 --> 01:13:31,481
I think it matters a lot.

1382
01:13:31,483 --> 01:13:33,583
I mean, if you want us to buy
the regeneration thing,

1383
01:13:33,585 --> 01:13:34,650
you gotta address it.

1384
01:13:34,652 --> 01:13:36,018
Are there
two Deadpools now?

1385
01:13:36,020 --> 01:13:38,521
And if so,
what's the other one doing?

1386
01:13:38,523 --> 01:13:39,387
And is he like you?

1387
01:13:39,389 --> 01:13:41,725
Does he have
the same personality as you?

1388
01:13:41,727 --> 01:13:42,825
Or the same memories?

1389
01:13:42,827 --> 01:13:43,959
And if he does,

1390
01:13:43,961 --> 01:13:45,361
then is he going to re-enter
the plot later?

1391
01:13:45,363 --> 01:13:46,862
'Cause he should.

1392
01:13:46,864 --> 01:13:48,298
You're really freaking
me out right now.

1393
01:13:48,300 --> 01:13:49,999
And if that one
got cut in half,

1394
01:13:50,001 --> 01:13:51,167
then there would be
three Deadpools?

1395
01:13:51,169 --> 01:13:53,069
I mean, you can see
where it all falls apart.

1396
01:13:53,071 --> 01:13:54,971
And quite frankly,
why I prefer Marvel.

1397
01:13:54,973 --> 01:13:56,039
We are Marvel.

1398
01:13:56,041 --> 01:13:58,277
Hilarious.
You're Fox.

1399
01:13:59,777 --> 01:14:00,942
Describe it.

1400
01:14:00,944 --> 01:14:02,210
I wouldn't ask him to
do that, if I were you.

1401
01:14:02,212 --> 01:14:03,847
- It's like, um...
- Here we go.

1402
01:14:03,849 --> 01:14:05,214
It's like he's a Muppet
from the waist down.

1403
01:14:05,216 --> 01:14:07,450
But this time, you can see
the Muppet's twig.

1404
01:14:07,452 --> 01:14:09,352
Mr. Weasel, I can
no longer be double-parked.

1405
01:14:09,354 --> 01:14:10,956
I've had three tickets
already.

1406
01:14:12,822 --> 01:14:15,391
No, no, no,
DP, not again!

1407
01:14:15,393 --> 01:14:17,026
- This has happened before?
- Yeah.

1408
01:14:18,130 --> 01:14:19,395
Dopinder, either vomit

1409
01:14:19,397 --> 01:14:21,097
or don't. The indecision
is killing me.

1410
01:14:21,099 --> 01:14:23,201
Why couldn't God
take my hearing?

1411
01:14:24,935 --> 01:14:26,870
Oh. Wow!

1412
01:14:26,872 --> 01:14:28,637
Cool your pits.
They're growing back.

1413
01:14:28,639 --> 01:14:30,373
I'm talking about your face.

1414
01:14:30,375 --> 01:14:32,407
I've never seen you
without your mask before.

1415
01:14:32,409 --> 01:14:34,811
- Jesus Christ!
- Looks like an avocado.

1416
01:14:34,813 --> 01:14:36,779
Your legs, though,
they're cute.

1417
01:14:36,781 --> 01:14:38,617
You wanna borrow
a pair of pants?

1418
01:14:40,083 --> 01:14:41,450
I'm glad everybody dropped by.

1419
01:14:41,452 --> 01:14:44,587
You must be wondering
why I didn't call you here.

1420
01:14:44,589 --> 01:14:46,121
I'll tell you why I'm here.

1421
01:14:46,123 --> 01:14:48,391
The Time Traveler's Wife's
husband...

1422
01:14:48,393 --> 01:14:49,792
beat me within
an inch of my life.

1423
01:14:49,794 --> 01:14:51,061
He was torturing me!

1424
01:14:51,063 --> 01:14:54,097
But all I told him was
everything he wanted to know.

1425
01:14:54,099 --> 01:14:56,732
So, I'm here
to help us gear up.

1426
01:14:56,734 --> 01:14:57,999
So we can go after him
without me.

1427
01:14:58,001 --> 01:14:59,535
No!

1428
01:14:59,537 --> 01:15:00,937
I'm doing this alone.

1429
01:15:00,939 --> 01:15:02,004
The Juggernaut

1430
01:15:02,006 --> 01:15:03,338
- will kill you all.
- Fair enough.

1431
01:15:03,340 --> 01:15:04,940
I don't care
what the kid did to me.

1432
01:15:04,942 --> 01:15:06,275
I ain't letting
Cable get to him.

1433
01:15:06,277 --> 01:15:08,744
I just need a couple of hours
to get some legs under me.

1434
01:15:08,746 --> 01:15:09,844
What will you do?

1435
01:15:09,846 --> 01:15:10,913
The first order
of business is

1436
01:15:10,915 --> 01:15:12,080
to get me
in front of Cable...

1437
01:15:12,082 --> 01:15:13,281
so I can pull all the blood
out of his body...

1438
01:15:13,283 --> 01:15:15,817
and fashion his bones
into holiday jewelry.

1439
01:15:15,819 --> 01:15:17,486
Then, I'm gonna
take his skin...

1440
01:15:17,488 --> 01:15:20,759
and stretch it out
over a homemade mating drum.

1441
01:15:22,027 --> 01:15:23,761
He's standing right
behind you, isn't he?

1442
01:15:32,537 --> 01:15:34,236
What in the ass?

1443
01:15:34,238 --> 01:15:37,473
Is this apartment listed
on Tinder? Grindr?

1444
01:15:37,475 --> 01:15:39,678
You're much taller
in the comics.

1445
01:15:41,144 --> 01:15:43,647
Ugh. Is that really necessary?

1446
01:15:47,752 --> 01:15:49,718
- Why?
- No.

1447
01:15:49,720 --> 01:15:51,353
What can we help you with?

1448
01:15:51,355 --> 01:15:53,257
I'm here to proposition you.

1449
01:15:54,658 --> 01:15:55,525
Oh, boy!

1450
01:15:55,527 --> 01:15:56,926
He's really teeing it up,
isn't he?

1451
01:15:56,928 --> 01:15:58,794
Who gets to make
the first joke?

1452
01:15:58,796 --> 01:16:00,495
I think we should all
do it at the same time.

1453
01:16:00,497 --> 01:16:01,396
Good call.

1454
01:16:01,398 --> 01:16:02,597
For $45,
you get succotash.

1455
01:16:02,599 --> 01:16:04,834
I only do over
the pants, mouth stuff.

1456
01:16:04,836 --> 01:16:05,901
<i>The Proposition</i>
has a wonderful

1457
01:16:05,903 --> 01:16:07,136
Guy Pearce performance.

1458
01:16:07,138 --> 01:16:09,038
Wait, wait, wait!
I wanna do mine over.

1459
01:16:09,040 --> 01:16:11,641
- Give us the line again.
- I need your help!

1460
01:16:11,643 --> 01:16:14,110
Trust me, I'm even less happy
about this than you are...

1461
01:16:14,112 --> 01:16:15,977
but you unleashed
the Juggernaut.

1462
01:16:15,979 --> 01:16:18,548
I can't bring him down alone.

1463
01:16:18,550 --> 01:16:19,751
So here we are.

1464
01:16:20,952 --> 01:16:22,718
We're no longer
accepting applications

1465
01:16:22,720 --> 01:16:23,852
for X-Force, unfortunately.

1466
01:16:23,854 --> 01:16:25,053
We don't have a lot of time.

1467
01:16:25,055 --> 01:16:26,923
Your friend's about
to make his first kill.

1468
01:16:26,925 --> 01:16:28,357
No offense,
but if you know so much...

1469
01:16:28,359 --> 01:16:31,026
why not travel back to when
he was a baby, kill him then?

1470
01:16:31,028 --> 01:16:33,161
I use a device
to slide through time.

1471
01:16:33,163 --> 01:16:35,632
The longer I travel,
the harder it is to control.

1472
01:16:35,634 --> 01:16:38,567
I got two charges:
one to get me here,

1473
01:16:38,569 --> 01:16:39,869
one to get me home.

1474
01:16:39,871 --> 01:16:40,969
Well.

1475
01:16:40,971 --> 01:16:42,271
That's just lazy writing.

1476
01:16:42,273 --> 01:16:45,143
Oh, yeah. I get it.
I see what you did there.

1477
01:16:45,409 --> 01:16:46,575
What?

1478
01:16:46,577 --> 01:16:48,910
Jokes about lazy writing to
cover up actual lazy writing.

1479
01:16:48,912 --> 01:16:50,980
Why don't you
just write better?

1480
01:16:50,982 --> 01:16:53,147
Why don't you just shut up?

1481
01:16:53,149 --> 01:16:54,984
Your boy's gonna
kill the headmaster

1482
01:16:54,986 --> 01:16:56,451
of the orphanage tonight.

1483
01:16:56,453 --> 01:16:58,887
After that,
he gets a real taste for it.

1484
01:16:58,889 --> 01:17:00,956
Like a 10-year-old
Kirsten Dunst.

1485
01:17:00,958 --> 01:17:02,790
So he keeps killing...

1486
01:17:02,792 --> 01:17:04,226
and killing, and killing,

1487
01:17:04,228 --> 01:17:05,962
and killing.

1488
01:17:05,964 --> 01:17:09,167
Until one day,
he kills the wrong people.

1489
01:17:11,736 --> 01:17:13,238
My people.

1490
01:17:17,007 --> 01:17:18,206
Relax.

1491
01:17:18,208 --> 01:17:20,810
I'm retrieving something
from my utility bag.

1492
01:17:20,812 --> 01:17:23,145
It's a goddamn
fanny pack...

1493
01:17:23,147 --> 01:17:26,014
and you know it,
you sick son of a bitch!

1494
01:17:26,016 --> 01:17:27,751
The difference
is night and day.

1495
01:17:29,386 --> 01:17:31,853
You remind me of my wife.

1496
01:17:31,855 --> 01:17:33,255
I'm sorry.

1497
01:17:33,257 --> 01:17:34,557
I said, "You remind me
of my wife."

1498
01:17:34,559 --> 01:17:35,825
No, I'm sorry
that you said that...

1499
01:17:35,827 --> 01:17:38,761
while making heavy eye contact
and applying lip balm.

1500
01:17:38,763 --> 01:17:39,898
She always struggled.

1501
01:17:40,997 --> 01:17:42,464
But she was funny...

1502
01:17:42,466 --> 01:17:45,869
and filtered her pain
through the prism of humor.

1503
01:17:45,871 --> 01:17:48,273
Something I could
never master.

1504
01:17:48,907 --> 01:17:51,376
It was my fault she died.

1505
01:17:52,676 --> 01:17:56,445
It was my job
to stop people like him.

1506
01:17:56,447 --> 01:17:58,617
<i>I came close a few times.</i>

1507
01:18:02,586 --> 01:18:04,589
<i>He wasn't too happy
about that.</i>

1508
01:18:06,055 --> 01:18:07,255
<i>He was trying to hurt me...</i>

1509
01:18:07,257 --> 01:18:10,162
and he knew exactly
how to do it.

1510
01:18:11,562 --> 01:18:13,361
Blessed are the wicked

1511
01:18:13,363 --> 01:18:15,866
who are healed by my hand.

1512
01:18:18,970 --> 01:18:21,236
<i>He came into my home...</i>

1513
01:18:21,238 --> 01:18:24,509
<i>and took the only thing
that made it a home.</i>

1514
01:18:26,778 --> 01:18:28,380
Sound familiar?

1515
01:18:29,247 --> 01:18:31,047
- I'm sorry.
- Uh-huh.

1516
01:18:31,049 --> 01:18:32,850
No, I'm really sorry.

1517
01:18:34,885 --> 01:18:36,718
But that isn't Russell.

1518
01:18:36,720 --> 01:18:39,053
- It doesn't have to be him.
- If you knew what I knew...

1519
01:18:39,055 --> 01:18:40,990
Yeah, he's got anger issues...

1520
01:18:40,992 --> 01:18:42,659
maybe a small
learning disability...

1521
01:18:42,661 --> 01:18:44,093
splash of diabetes...

1522
01:18:44,095 --> 01:18:45,393
but nothing
that can't be fixed.

1523
01:18:45,395 --> 01:18:46,962
If you could go back...

1524
01:18:46,964 --> 01:18:49,999
and stop the people that took
your girl, would you?

1525
01:18:50,001 --> 01:18:51,165
Of course I would.

1526
01:18:51,167 --> 01:18:52,301
But I wouldn't kill a kid.

1527
01:18:52,303 --> 01:18:54,837
I'm not asking you
to kill a kid!

1528
01:18:54,839 --> 01:18:56,237
I'll kill the kid.

1529
01:18:56,239 --> 01:18:59,674
I'm asking you to save
hundreds of other kids.

1530
01:18:59,676 --> 01:19:02,177
Russell's gonna burn down
that orphanage.

1531
01:19:02,179 --> 01:19:04,246
And I can imagine
your dead girlfriend...

1532
01:19:04,248 --> 01:19:07,415
would want you to do the
right thing, wouldn't she?

1533
01:19:07,417 --> 01:19:10,852
So, what's it gonna be,
handsome?

1534
01:19:10,854 --> 01:19:12,454
Give me a chance to save him.

1535
01:19:12,456 --> 01:19:13,856
- What?
- You said...

1536
01:19:13,858 --> 01:19:15,590
once he kills someone,
he gets a taste for it.

1537
01:19:15,592 --> 01:19:18,127
If we can get to him
before that happens...

1538
01:19:18,129 --> 01:19:19,895
promise you'll give me
a chance

1539
01:19:19,897 --> 01:19:21,798
to put him
on a different path.

1540
01:19:21,800 --> 01:19:23,065
Define "chance."

1541
01:19:23,067 --> 01:19:24,366
I don't know.
How long does it take

1542
01:19:24,368 --> 01:19:25,500
to save someone's soul?
That's not...

1543
01:19:25,502 --> 01:19:27,035
I'll give you 30 seconds.

1544
01:19:27,037 --> 01:19:29,038
- What? No!
- Best I can do.

1545
01:19:29,040 --> 01:19:30,475
Take it or leave it.

1546
01:19:40,650 --> 01:19:42,317
He's doing it!

1547
01:19:42,319 --> 01:19:43,986
Look at the little fella.
He's doing it.

1548
01:19:43,988 --> 01:19:45,987
There he goes.

1549
01:19:45,989 --> 01:19:47,524
Jesus Christ!

1550
01:19:48,992 --> 01:19:49,995
Ugh.

1551
01:19:50,761 --> 01:19:52,995
There you go, little fella.

1552
01:19:52,997 --> 01:19:54,663
Go on, you're doing it!

1553
01:19:54,665 --> 01:19:58,269
My beautiful, hairless,
Twizzler-legged baby boy.

1554
01:19:59,903 --> 01:20:01,102
Geez.

1555
01:20:01,104 --> 01:20:02,771
That's disturbing.

1556
01:20:02,773 --> 01:20:03,975
30 seconds.

1557
01:20:09,447 --> 01:20:11,049
- Deal.
- Deal.

1558
01:20:13,518 --> 01:20:16,218
I have no idea
what's happening.

1559
01:20:16,220 --> 01:20:17,889
Probably for the best.

1560
01:20:19,424 --> 01:20:23,057
<i>And that is why
you never eat a raw starfish.</i>

1561
01:20:23,059 --> 01:20:25,294
It's just common sense.

1562
01:20:25,296 --> 01:20:26,695
Where the hell
are we going?

1563
01:20:26,697 --> 01:20:28,030
You said it yourself.

1564
01:20:28,032 --> 01:20:30,965
Nothing can stop the Juggernaut.
We need backup.

1565
01:20:30,967 --> 01:20:34,035
I will bathe in the blood
of your enemies.

1566
01:20:38,242 --> 01:20:39,944
Can you turn off the music?

1567
01:20:40,944 --> 01:20:42,878
You'll do no such thing.

1568
01:20:42,880 --> 01:20:45,013
Why don't you just say it
in an Indian accent?

1569
01:20:45,015 --> 01:20:46,581
- I'm sorry?
- Apology accepted.

1570
01:20:46,583 --> 01:20:48,884
This is a side of you
I do not like.

1571
01:20:48,886 --> 01:20:49,951
Let me guess,

1572
01:20:49,953 --> 01:20:51,987
some of your best friends
in the future are Indian.

1573
01:20:51,989 --> 01:20:52,922
What the hell are you...?

1574
01:20:52,924 --> 01:20:55,089
Once again, intolerance rears
its ugly head.

1575
01:20:55,091 --> 01:20:56,592
I am so sorry.
It gets better.

1576
01:20:56,594 --> 01:20:58,227
I'm not a racist, moron!

1577
01:20:58,229 --> 01:21:00,195
Precisely what a racist
would say.

1578
01:21:00,197 --> 01:21:01,963
I'm with the old white guy
on this one.

1579
01:21:01,965 --> 01:21:03,398
And that's a twist.

1580
01:21:03,400 --> 01:21:04,566
So what exactly do you

1581
01:21:04,568 --> 01:21:05,834
do in the future,
anyway, huh?

1582
01:21:05,836 --> 01:21:07,402
Some kind of soldier?

1583
01:21:07,404 --> 01:21:09,271
Yeah, something like that.

1584
01:21:09,273 --> 01:21:11,539
I was a soldier.
Special Forces.

1585
01:21:11,541 --> 01:21:14,243
I bet 50 years from now,
we're bestest buddies.

1586
01:21:14,245 --> 01:21:16,145
50 years from now,
you're very dead.

1587
01:21:16,147 --> 01:21:18,981
Your entire generation failed
this planet into a coma.

1588
01:21:18,983 --> 01:21:20,415
Boom!

1589
01:21:20,417 --> 01:21:21,816
Spoiler alert.

1590
01:21:22,886 --> 01:21:24,218
Planets.

1591
01:21:24,220 --> 01:21:25,588
Here's a spoiler alert.

1592
01:21:25,590 --> 01:21:26,955
I should have
finished college.

1593
01:21:26,957 --> 01:21:30,493
You're just an annoying clown
dressed up as a sex toy.

1594
01:21:30,495 --> 01:21:31,692
Well, I got news for you.

1595
01:21:31,694 --> 01:21:33,161
My heart
is in the right place.

1596
01:21:33,163 --> 01:21:34,663
Russell's not
gonna kill anyone.

1597
01:21:34,665 --> 01:21:36,898
Because of me, he's gonna know
what real love looks like.

1598
01:21:36,900 --> 01:21:37,767
We're all gonna die.

1599
01:21:37,769 --> 01:21:38,968
Because of you,
I'll always know

1600
01:21:38,970 --> 01:21:41,337
what a grown man
with baby balls looks like.

1601
01:21:41,339 --> 01:21:43,405
I'm a grower,
not a shower.

1602
01:21:43,407 --> 01:21:44,472
God, I wish
this were a bus,

1603
01:21:44,474 --> 01:21:45,775
so I could pull the string
and get out.

1604
01:21:45,777 --> 01:21:47,575
It's a good thing
Cable's not driving,

1605
01:21:47,577 --> 01:21:48,877
or you'd be in the back.

1606
01:21:48,879 --> 01:21:49,945
I am in the back.

1607
01:21:49,947 --> 01:21:51,379
Right here!

1608
01:22:09,399 --> 01:22:11,432
I made mistakes!

1609
01:22:11,434 --> 01:22:13,334
I wanna take them back!

1610
01:22:13,336 --> 01:22:16,672
You trusted me.
I took that trust...

1611
01:22:16,674 --> 01:22:18,173
and turned it
into a toilet stall

1612
01:22:18,175 --> 01:22:19,340
in an airport bathroom.

1613
01:22:19,342 --> 01:22:22,678
The one in Minneapolis.
You know the one.

1614
01:22:22,680 --> 01:22:25,780
But even you know
I was once an X-Man.

1615
01:22:25,782 --> 01:22:26,917
Trainee!

1616
01:22:31,455 --> 01:22:34,121
You're still using
my Velcro labels. Aw.

1617
01:22:34,123 --> 01:22:35,624
They do stick better
than tape.

1618
01:22:35,626 --> 01:22:37,258
- Hi, Wade!
- Please don't.

1619
01:22:37,260 --> 01:22:40,596
Say whatever it is you're here
to say. Make it quick.

1620
01:22:40,598 --> 01:22:42,230
Right. Quick. It's this kid.

1621
01:22:42,232 --> 01:22:43,598
Just like you,
I let him down.

1622
01:22:43,600 --> 01:22:44,932
And just like me,

1623
01:22:44,934 --> 01:22:46,302
he's never had anyone
sacrifice anything for him...

1624
01:22:46,304 --> 01:22:48,404
because the entire world
wrote him off a long time ago.

1625
01:22:48,406 --> 01:22:50,605
Look, he's teamed up
with the Juggernaut!

1626
01:22:50,607 --> 01:22:51,840
The Juggernaut!

1627
01:22:51,842 --> 01:22:53,843
Who's like my favorite
Marvel character ever.

1628
01:22:53,845 --> 01:22:55,111
And hi, Yukio!

1629
01:22:55,113 --> 01:22:57,312
That was really nice of you to
say hi, so I'm saying hi back.

1630
01:22:57,314 --> 01:22:59,949
You guys make
a super cute couple. Yeah.

1631
01:22:59,951 --> 01:23:01,116
Where was I? Oh, yeah.

1632
01:23:01,118 --> 01:23:02,919
You should never meet your
heroes, because honestly...

1633
01:23:02,921 --> 01:23:04,219
it causes
nothing but problems.

1634
01:23:04,221 --> 01:23:07,688
Look, you can stop the
Juggernaut. I know you can.

1635
01:23:07,690 --> 01:23:10,959
Do you know what would happen
to me if I helped you?

1636
01:23:10,961 --> 01:23:12,928
I would be disgraced.

1637
01:23:12,930 --> 01:23:15,030
You are a criminal,
a fugitive.

1638
01:23:15,032 --> 01:23:18,736
But worst of all,
you broke my heart, Wade.

1639
01:23:19,970 --> 01:23:23,838
You know what? Your heart's
in the wrong place, big guy.

1640
01:23:23,840 --> 01:23:26,741
Doing the right thing
is sometimes messy...

1641
01:23:26,743 --> 01:23:30,344
and screwed up, and not
particularly convenient!

1642
01:23:30,346 --> 01:23:33,348
So stay here
in Chateau de Virgin...

1643
01:23:33,350 --> 01:23:35,553
while we go get our game on!

1644
01:23:38,456 --> 01:23:39,958
You're doing great.

1645
01:23:45,395 --> 01:23:46,829
So you wear
that helmet because

1646
01:23:46,831 --> 01:23:48,630
your brother
tries to read your mind?

1647
01:23:48,632 --> 01:23:51,866
Yeah, but he's in
a wheelchair, so even-steven.

1648
01:23:51,868 --> 01:23:54,570
Someone's coming.
It's Russell, sir.

1649
01:23:54,572 --> 01:23:56,539
And he's not alone.

1650
01:23:56,541 --> 01:23:58,275
Secure the children.

1651
01:24:00,411 --> 01:24:03,047
They will not replace us.

1652
01:24:04,982 --> 01:24:07,950
Watch my back.
I've got the old man.

1653
01:24:07,952 --> 01:24:09,888
Amen, brother.

1654
01:24:15,826 --> 01:24:17,558
Time to make the chimichangas.

1655
01:24:17,560 --> 01:24:19,762
30 seconds.

1656
01:24:19,764 --> 01:24:22,396
I finally know
why I'm here.

1657
01:24:22,398 --> 01:24:24,400
I was raised in this place.

1658
01:24:24,402 --> 01:24:26,768
Well, not raised.
I was tortured.

1659
01:24:26,770 --> 01:24:29,605
Wow! It's your cosmic reason
for being here.

1660
01:24:29,607 --> 01:24:31,106
- Shall we?
- This is gonna be fun.

1661
01:24:31,108 --> 01:24:31,973
Yeah!

1662
01:24:31,975 --> 01:24:33,676
Hey! Been meaning
to ask you...

1663
01:24:33,678 --> 01:24:36,645
what's with the dirty,
disgusting hobo bear?

1664
01:24:36,647 --> 01:24:39,914
It's not dirt. It's the
blood of my dead daughter.

1665
01:24:39,916 --> 01:24:42,651
<i>Are you Bear, God?
It's me, Margaret.</i>

1666
01:24:42,653 --> 01:24:44,085
Give me some.

1667
01:24:44,087 --> 01:24:45,687
They say laughter
heals anything.

1668
01:24:45,689 --> 01:24:46,989
Except, of course, that.

1669
01:24:46,991 --> 01:24:48,659
We should just
cue the music.

1670
01:25:13,483 --> 01:25:16,254
Welcome home, Russell.
We missed you.

1671
01:25:17,421 --> 01:25:18,553
Russell!

1672
01:25:18,555 --> 01:25:21,856
You don't need to do this!
Let's talk!

1673
01:25:21,858 --> 01:25:23,391
Why are you dressed
like the Unabomber?

1674
01:25:27,564 --> 01:25:28,629
That's why.

1675
01:25:28,631 --> 01:25:29,964
I told you
he was too far gone.

1676
01:25:29,966 --> 01:25:31,799
Zip it, Thanos! We have
a deal and you forgot...

1677
01:25:31,801 --> 01:25:34,070
Hey!

1678
01:25:34,072 --> 01:25:37,705
I'm gonna shove that cab
driver right up your tailpipe.

1679
01:25:37,707 --> 01:25:39,909
My body and my hands
are so soft.

1680
01:25:39,911 --> 01:25:41,043
You should probably
head back to the car.

1681
01:25:41,045 --> 01:25:43,611
I think I'll head
back to the car.

1682
01:25:43,613 --> 01:25:46,650
It works best when
you pull the trigger.

1683
01:25:49,385 --> 01:25:50,821
That gun is amazing!

1684
01:25:52,122 --> 01:25:53,824
Say it!

1685
01:25:55,591 --> 01:25:57,558
You are an abomination!

1686
01:26:03,266 --> 01:26:06,601
Now, I'm gonna shove
the red guy up the old guy.

1687
01:26:06,603 --> 01:26:09,306
I believe him!
Every man for themselves!

1688
01:26:12,208 --> 01:26:13,508
Gotcha!

1689
01:26:13,510 --> 01:26:14,846
Beat it, midget!

1690
01:26:17,648 --> 01:26:20,816
Hey, big guy,
the sun's getting real low!

1691
01:26:20,818 --> 01:26:22,020
Uh, that's not good.

1692
01:26:35,632 --> 01:26:37,034
Come here, beautiful.

1693
01:26:43,607 --> 01:26:44,809
Whoo!

1694
01:26:53,050 --> 01:26:54,084
Say it!

1695
01:27:41,564 --> 01:27:42,764
You came for me.

1696
01:27:42,766 --> 01:27:44,165
I'm not giving up on you,

1697
01:27:44,167 --> 01:27:46,200
and you are not
giving up on that boy.

1698
01:27:46,202 --> 01:27:48,404
Who says that rules
aren't meant to be broken?

1699
01:27:48,406 --> 01:27:50,438
It's time to fight dirty.

1700
01:27:50,440 --> 01:27:51,839
Time to sweep the leg, Johnny.

1701
01:27:51,841 --> 01:27:54,543
Hey! Pick on someone
your own size!

1702
01:27:54,545 --> 01:27:56,645
That's such
a you thing to say!

1703
01:27:56,647 --> 01:27:58,612
Go get him, tiger!

1704
01:27:58,614 --> 01:28:00,984
Big CGI fight coming up!

1705
01:28:17,934 --> 01:28:19,334
He's doing great.

1706
01:28:19,336 --> 01:28:20,772
Say it!

1707
01:28:24,774 --> 01:28:26,309
- Russell.
- Bingo!

1708
01:28:30,281 --> 01:28:31,146
Oh, great!

1709
01:28:31,148 --> 01:28:32,446
There they are!
Those freaks!

1710
01:28:32,448 --> 01:28:34,615
A bunch of armed
pedophiles in nursing shoes.

1711
01:28:34,617 --> 01:28:36,785
Can I have
one of those guns?

1712
01:28:36,787 --> 01:28:38,654
- No.
- That's fine.

1713
01:28:38,656 --> 01:28:39,987
Get off this property,
mutant scum!

1714
01:28:39,989 --> 01:28:41,324
I'm just gonna
use this brick.

1715
01:28:41,925 --> 01:28:43,126
Maximum effort.

1716
01:28:44,161 --> 01:28:46,096
Who says you
can't go home again?

1717
01:28:50,867 --> 01:28:52,133
Yeah!

1718
01:28:52,135 --> 01:28:53,171
Say it.

1719
01:28:53,702 --> 01:28:54,969
Say it!

1720
01:28:54,971 --> 01:28:58,507
Blessed are the wicked
who are healed by my hand!

1721
01:28:58,509 --> 01:28:59,907
Blessed are the wicked...

1722
01:28:59,909 --> 01:29:01,312
who are healed...

1723
01:29:01,678 --> 01:29:03,314
by my hand.

1724
01:29:17,528 --> 01:29:19,297
You annoying little punk!

1725
01:29:35,211 --> 01:29:38,248
Only best buddies
execute pedophiles together.

1726
01:29:45,421 --> 01:29:48,123
I need a bus
to get you all out of here.

1727
01:29:53,263 --> 01:29:54,297
Orphans.

1728
01:29:54,898 --> 01:29:56,099
Oh, geez.

1729
01:29:57,934 --> 01:30:00,535
It's time to burn
for what you've done!

1730
01:30:00,537 --> 01:30:03,341
A child should not be burdened
with such power!

1731
01:30:10,514 --> 01:30:11,949
Russell! Wait!

1732
01:30:16,354 --> 01:30:17,355
Oh!

1733
01:30:23,059 --> 01:30:24,892
Wait! He hasn't killed
anyone yet!

1734
01:30:24,894 --> 01:30:25,960
What more do you need to see?

1735
01:30:25,962 --> 01:30:27,029
No, he's just a kid!

1736
01:30:27,031 --> 01:30:29,233
Tick, tock. Meter's running!

1737
01:30:41,545 --> 01:30:43,614
I'm gonna make a necklace
out of your teeth.

1738
01:31:01,965 --> 01:31:04,566
- I told you! Leave me alone!
- Come on!

1739
01:31:04,568 --> 01:31:05,636
Listen to me!

1740
01:31:26,791 --> 01:31:28,556
That's how we do it

1741
01:31:28,558 --> 01:31:30,127
in Mother Russia.

1742
01:31:32,028 --> 01:31:34,195
They say millennials are
the hardest to reach.

1743
01:31:34,197 --> 01:31:36,998
Oh, no.
You're doing amazing.

1744
01:31:37,000 --> 01:31:39,370
Damn, it feels good
to be a gangsta!

1745
01:31:42,906 --> 01:31:44,004
Go, go, go!

1746
01:31:47,544 --> 01:31:49,544
He dies tonight, Wade.

1747
01:31:49,546 --> 01:31:51,945
You can't stop me!

1748
01:31:51,947 --> 01:31:53,481
He even runs
like a pervert.

1749
01:31:53,483 --> 01:31:56,587
Like an online predator
who lost his laptop.

1750
01:31:57,554 --> 01:31:59,219
There's one bullet left
in that gun.

1751
01:31:59,221 --> 01:32:01,455
Wait, wait, wait! Please,
just give me a second!

1752
01:32:01,457 --> 01:32:02,857
I got this.

1753
01:32:02,859 --> 01:32:05,093
- Russell!
- Stay back! Go home, Wade!

1754
01:32:05,095 --> 01:32:07,862
Let's talk. It doesn't
have to go this way!

1755
01:32:07,864 --> 01:32:09,429
That piece of shit...

1756
01:32:09,431 --> 01:32:11,465
he deserves to die
for what he did to you.

1757
01:32:11,467 --> 01:32:13,968
He hurt you badly.

1758
01:32:13,970 --> 01:32:18,106
But look,
if you kill him, he wins.

1759
01:32:18,108 --> 01:32:21,412
You become everything
he says you are, but worse.

1760
01:32:22,446 --> 01:32:24,146
You're just a kid.

1761
01:32:24,148 --> 01:32:26,050
You don't wanna
hurt anyone.

1762
01:32:27,216 --> 01:32:30,121
It isn't too late.
Don't do it.

1763
01:32:35,358 --> 01:32:37,560
I never should've left
you there.

1764
01:32:39,430 --> 01:32:41,732
I never should've left you
in that prison.

1765
01:32:48,906 --> 01:32:50,306
I can't trust you.

1766
01:32:52,275 --> 01:32:54,577
I can't trust anybody!

1767
01:33:03,554 --> 01:33:04,852
Wonderful kid.

1768
01:33:04,854 --> 01:33:06,487
You can't stop me, Wade!

1769
01:33:08,791 --> 01:33:11,025
I got one more idea.

1770
01:33:11,027 --> 01:33:13,995
It's just a really bad one,
even for me.

1771
01:33:13,997 --> 01:33:15,196
Wade, what are you doing?

1772
01:33:15,198 --> 01:33:17,464
This is for
all the marbles, kid.

1773
01:33:17,466 --> 01:33:19,801
You're gonna kill
someone today...

1774
01:33:19,803 --> 01:33:21,201
Blessed are the wicked...

1775
01:33:21,203 --> 01:33:23,340
...then it's gotta be me.

1776
01:33:24,306 --> 01:33:26,342
...who are healed by my hand!

1777
01:34:32,376 --> 01:34:35,546
Tell me they got that
in slow motion.

1778
01:34:40,349 --> 01:34:42,152
Oh, that's not good.

1779
01:34:43,620 --> 01:34:45,156
No, sir.

1780
01:34:51,961 --> 01:34:55,232
You sacrificed yourself
for me.

1781
01:34:55,565 --> 01:34:56,464
Yeah.

1782
01:34:56,466 --> 01:34:58,598
And it was the best thing
I ever did.

1783
01:34:59,469 --> 01:35:01,803
I told you
I care about you.

1784
01:35:01,805 --> 01:35:03,541
You're a good kid, Russell.

1785
01:35:04,675 --> 01:35:05,743
Hey.

1786
01:35:06,943 --> 01:35:08,442
The bear.

1787
01:35:08,444 --> 01:35:09,679
It worked.

1788
01:35:15,685 --> 01:35:16,884
Because of you.

1789
01:35:16,886 --> 01:35:19,320
No, Wade, because of you.

1790
01:35:19,322 --> 01:35:21,623
Stop, stop, stop!

1791
01:35:21,625 --> 01:35:22,626
Stop!

1792
01:35:24,027 --> 01:35:26,794
Just let it happen, okay?

1793
01:35:26,796 --> 01:35:30,164
I guess my heart was finally
in the right place.

1794
01:35:30,166 --> 01:35:32,703
That riddle
is so messed up.

1795
01:35:37,306 --> 01:35:39,441
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

1796
01:35:39,443 --> 01:35:41,810
Don't be. I've been trying to
make this happen for a while.

1797
01:35:41,812 --> 01:35:43,277
Please, just don't leave me.

1798
01:35:43,279 --> 01:35:45,012
I don't wanna die
without an audience.

1799
01:35:45,014 --> 01:35:46,280
We are not going anywhere.

1800
01:35:46,282 --> 01:35:48,650
Oh, God, I hope
the Academy is watching.

1801
01:35:48,652 --> 01:35:49,720
Just rest, okay?

1802
01:35:51,520 --> 01:35:52,590
Papa.

1803
01:35:53,456 --> 01:35:55,592
<i>♪ Papa, can you hear me?</i>

1804
01:35:57,594 --> 01:36:00,730
<i>♪ Papa, can you find me
in the...</i>

1805
01:36:03,300 --> 01:36:04,735
<i>♪ night? ♪</i>

1806
01:36:25,020 --> 01:36:26,620
Before I go...

1807
01:36:26,622 --> 01:36:28,625
Sorry, I got a bit more in me.

1808
01:36:29,058 --> 01:36:30,325
Domino.

1809
01:36:30,327 --> 01:36:34,996
I want you to have
my <i>Adventure Time</i> watch.

1810
01:36:37,400 --> 01:36:40,504
Turns out
that I'm the lucky one.

1811
01:36:41,104 --> 01:36:42,406
Thank you.

1812
01:36:43,439 --> 01:36:47,107
Hey, Sabrina,
the Teenage Witch.

1813
01:36:47,109 --> 01:36:49,380
It has been a pleasure.

1814
01:36:50,881 --> 01:36:53,714
- Hi, Yukio.
- Hi, Wade!

1815
01:36:55,352 --> 01:36:56,720
And you...

1816
01:36:57,153 --> 01:36:58,953
Chrome Bone.

1817
01:36:58,955 --> 01:37:02,190
I haven't always been
the best friend to you.

1818
01:37:02,192 --> 01:37:04,726
But you've always been
that to me.

1819
01:37:04,728 --> 01:37:05,962
So thank you.

1820
01:37:07,997 --> 01:37:09,832
Say the F-word for me.

1821
01:37:10,434 --> 01:37:11,699
Just once. Come on,

1822
01:37:11,701 --> 01:37:13,366
we'll do it together.
It's no big deal.

1823
01:37:13,368 --> 01:37:15,048
Here we go. One, two, three.
F... F... F...

1824
01:37:17,840 --> 01:37:21,444
Wow! Enjoy hell, swamp mouth.

1825
01:37:22,578 --> 01:37:25,713
And you, Cable.

1826
01:37:25,715 --> 01:37:30,352
You get back to your family.
You tell 'em Wade says hi.

1827
01:37:30,354 --> 01:37:33,887
And promise me.
Promise me one thing.

1828
01:37:33,889 --> 01:37:35,455
That you'll start
judging people...

1829
01:37:35,457 --> 01:37:36,790
not by the color
of their skin,

1830
01:37:36,792 --> 01:37:39,460
but by the content
of their character.

1831
01:37:39,462 --> 01:37:41,364
- Jesus.
- R-Dog?

1832
01:37:43,199 --> 01:37:44,531
Look.

1833
01:37:44,533 --> 01:37:47,403
Family is not an F-word.

1834
01:37:47,938 --> 01:37:49,303
All right?

1835
01:37:49,305 --> 01:37:51,873
There's one out there for you.

1836
01:37:51,875 --> 01:37:53,644
Just keep looking, okay?

1837
01:37:56,479 --> 01:37:58,982
Guys, for a second there...

1838
01:38:00,250 --> 01:38:02,086
we made a pretty good team.

1839
01:38:06,456 --> 01:38:08,889
Can you see it?

1840
01:38:08,891 --> 01:38:11,528
Do you see
that beautiful bright light?

1841
01:38:12,796 --> 01:38:13,931
There it is.

1842
01:38:20,136 --> 01:38:21,369
Oh, that's the sun.

1843
01:38:21,371 --> 01:38:23,404
Don't stare
directly into that.

1844
01:38:23,406 --> 01:38:24,938
I just have a few final words.

1845
01:38:29,412 --> 01:38:31,715
<i>Do you want
to build a snowman?</i>

1846
01:39:47,957 --> 01:39:49,222
Sorry I'm late.

1847
01:39:49,224 --> 01:39:50,758
There was a bunch of

1848
01:39:50,760 --> 01:39:52,259
handicapable children
who were stuck in a tree.

1849
01:39:52,261 --> 01:39:53,630
- No.
- No.

1850
01:39:54,497 --> 01:39:57,598
- But I did have to help a kid.
- Yeah.

1851
01:39:57,600 --> 01:39:59,566
- He's got a terrible name.
- It's just awful.

1852
01:39:59,568 --> 01:40:00,770
- Ugh.
- I tried to tell him.

1853
01:40:03,040 --> 01:40:04,574
Is this heaven?

1854
01:40:05,274 --> 01:40:06,643
It is now.

1855
01:40:10,013 --> 01:40:11,547
I am so sorry.

1856
01:40:12,581 --> 01:40:13,983
It's okay.

1857
01:40:33,636 --> 01:40:35,639
I missed you so much.

1858
01:40:41,309 --> 01:40:43,045
What is it? What's wrong?

1859
01:40:44,982 --> 01:40:46,880
It's not time.

1860
01:40:46,882 --> 01:40:49,116
What do you mean
it's not time?

1861
01:40:49,118 --> 01:40:50,651
I'm here, I made it.

1862
01:40:50,653 --> 01:40:52,454
- You can't stay.
- No, no, no.

1863
01:40:52,456 --> 01:40:55,222
I'm staying. I'm not going
anywhere without you.

1864
01:40:55,224 --> 01:40:56,624
It's okay.

1865
01:40:56,626 --> 01:40:59,696
There's a time for us.
It's just not now.

1866
01:41:00,497 --> 01:41:03,066
- They need you.
- Who?

1867
01:41:05,100 --> 01:41:06,536
Your F-word.

1868
01:41:07,537 --> 01:41:08,837
Why?

1869
01:41:08,839 --> 01:41:10,873
You'll find out.

1870
01:41:11,573 --> 01:41:13,307
I love you.

1871
01:41:13,309 --> 01:41:14,711
I love you.

1872
01:41:17,113 --> 01:41:18,379
I know.

1873
01:41:18,381 --> 01:41:19,583
Now, go.

1874
01:41:20,649 --> 01:41:22,818
Go on. Go, get out of here.

1875
01:41:23,854 --> 01:41:24,855
Go.

1876
01:41:27,491 --> 01:41:28,692
Hey!

1877
01:41:31,361 --> 01:41:33,830
Kiss me like
you miss me, Red.

1878
01:41:34,331 --> 01:41:35,632
Well, come here.

1879
01:41:48,678 --> 01:41:51,212
Wait, hold the mustard.

1880
01:41:51,214 --> 01:41:52,445
- Are you crying?
- No.

1881
01:41:52,447 --> 01:41:53,780
- Yes, you are.
- No, I'm not.

1882
01:41:53,782 --> 01:41:55,717
You got emotion juice
coming out of your eye holes.

1883
01:41:55,719 --> 01:41:56,816
It's not me.
I'm not crying.

1884
01:41:56,818 --> 01:41:58,453
I think it's
this dusty soundstage.

1885
01:41:58,455 --> 01:41:59,521
- Oh, really?
- Or bedroom.

1886
01:41:59,523 --> 01:42:00,721
- It's a dusty bedroom.
- Thank you.

1887
01:42:00,723 --> 01:42:02,192
- That's normal.
- Let it out.

1888
01:42:03,492 --> 01:42:05,660
- I am crying.
- Yeah, you are.

1889
01:42:05,662 --> 01:42:07,395
And I'm caught off guard
'cause the movie's so bad.

1890
01:42:07,397 --> 01:42:08,495
Complete garbage.

1891
01:42:08,497 --> 01:42:09,730
- It's very compelling.
- Yeah.

1892
01:42:09,732 --> 01:42:10,798
There's something that
really resonates for me.

1893
01:42:10,800 --> 01:42:12,002
It kinda gets you.

1894
01:42:13,870 --> 01:42:15,136
There is more.

1895
01:42:15,138 --> 01:42:17,606
I would love to read it
to you, Fred Savage.

1896
01:42:17,608 --> 01:42:20,540
"Once again, Wade picked up
the love of his life

1897
01:42:20,542 --> 01:42:22,345
<i>"in his approachably
shredded arms."</i>

1898
01:42:29,652 --> 01:42:31,020
It's all right.

1899
01:42:31,554 --> 01:42:32,989
I'll be waiting.

1900
01:42:34,256 --> 01:42:36,456
It's pretty
awesome up here.

1901
01:42:36,458 --> 01:42:38,726
I can have anything I want.

1902
01:42:38,728 --> 01:42:41,195
Can every day be
International Women's Day?

1903
01:42:41,197 --> 01:42:42,463
It is heaven.

1904
01:42:52,875 --> 01:42:54,307
Time to make the chimichangas.

1905
01:42:54,309 --> 01:42:55,375
30 seconds.

1906
01:42:55,377 --> 01:42:56,611
Hey. Been meaning
to ask you...

1907
01:42:56,613 --> 01:42:59,045
what's with the creepy,
dirty hobo bear?

1908
01:42:59,047 --> 01:43:01,348
It's my daughter's
teddy bear.

1909
01:43:01,350 --> 01:43:02,749
Her name's Hope.

1910
01:43:02,751 --> 01:43:03,953
Well...

1911
01:43:04,854 --> 01:43:06,820
What are you doing?

1912
01:43:06,822 --> 01:43:08,423
Somebody swiped right.

1913
01:43:20,836 --> 01:43:23,838
Tell me they got that
in slow motion.

1914
01:43:26,708 --> 01:43:28,543
You sacrificed
yourself for me.

1915
01:43:28,545 --> 01:43:30,247
It would seem I...

1916
01:43:32,916 --> 01:43:33,917
Huh?

1917
01:43:34,649 --> 01:43:37,120
Genuine, high-grade lead.

1918
01:43:38,955 --> 01:43:42,123
You time-sliding
son of a bitch!

1919
01:43:42,125 --> 01:43:43,794
You did this for me?

1920
01:43:45,495 --> 01:43:48,596
Wait. You can't go back.

1921
01:43:48,598 --> 01:43:49,864
You used
the last of your fuel.

1922
01:43:49,866 --> 01:43:51,699
What about your girl,
your wife?

1923
01:43:51,701 --> 01:43:55,105
No, my family's safe.
And I didn't do it for you.

1924
01:43:56,506 --> 01:43:58,871
No, I'm gonna stick around
for a while...

1925
01:43:58,873 --> 01:43:59,940
and make sure the world

1926
01:43:59,942 --> 01:44:02,078
doesn't shit itself
into oblivion.

1927
01:44:02,644 --> 01:44:05,748
No. You did it for me.

1928
01:44:06,349 --> 01:44:07,749
No, I didn't.

1929
01:44:07,751 --> 01:44:09,116
- You did.
- I really didn't.

1930
01:44:09,118 --> 01:44:11,017
- Pretty sure you did.
- No, I'm positive I didn't.

1931
01:44:11,019 --> 01:44:12,887
Fine. All right,
let's flip a coin. Okay?

1932
01:44:12,889 --> 01:44:15,490
Heads, you did it for me.
Tails, you did it for me.

1933
01:44:15,492 --> 01:44:17,624
I'm not even gonna look,
because you did it for me.

1934
01:44:17,626 --> 01:44:20,428
- We must get the collar off.
- Forget it. It's no use.

1935
01:44:20,430 --> 01:44:21,695
These collars
don't just come off.

1936
01:44:21,697 --> 01:44:22,898
Wade.

1937
01:44:23,800 --> 01:44:25,833
I have an idea.

1938
01:44:25,835 --> 01:44:27,968
No, no, no!
Let's not do that. Please!

1939
01:44:27,970 --> 01:44:30,338
I'd rather die of cancer.
Let's just...

1940
01:44:30,340 --> 01:44:33,807
Oh, gosh! They do say the pen
is grosser than the sword.

1941
01:44:33,809 --> 01:44:36,177
We need the code.

1942
01:44:36,179 --> 01:44:37,945
Try, uh, seven?

1943
01:44:37,947 --> 01:44:39,646
Settle down,
Captain Lucky.

1944
01:44:39,648 --> 01:44:41,048
It's not gonna be one number.

1945
01:44:41,050 --> 01:44:42,319
Oh, God,
that's lazy writing.

1946
01:44:43,318 --> 01:44:44,787
I still got it.

1947
01:44:47,622 --> 01:44:49,893
Put that back
in your prison wallet.

1948
01:44:51,159 --> 01:44:53,127
I don't know
how to thank you.

1949
01:44:53,129 --> 01:44:55,262
But I do know
how to hug you.

1950
01:44:55,264 --> 01:44:56,563
- No.
- Yes.

1951
01:44:56,565 --> 01:44:58,199
Here we go. Bring it in.

1952
01:44:58,201 --> 01:44:59,299
Come on.

1953
01:44:59,301 --> 01:45:00,668
Pelvis to pelvis.

1954
01:45:00,670 --> 01:45:02,003
Let's go tummy to tummy.

1955
01:45:02,005 --> 01:45:04,672
There we go. The kids
call this tummying.

1956
01:45:05,774 --> 01:45:07,575
Is there a knife
in my lower extremity?

1957
01:45:07,577 --> 01:45:08,976
There's a knife
in your leg, yeah.

1958
01:45:08,978 --> 01:45:10,143
I'm just gonna
back up now.

1959
01:45:10,145 --> 01:45:11,712
- Yeah, yeah.
- No need to go full <i>Yentl.</i>

1960
01:45:11,714 --> 01:45:14,580
Gonna pretend
like that never happened.

1961
01:45:14,582 --> 01:45:16,286
Let's go home, Russell.

1962
01:45:20,055 --> 01:45:21,955
All you dirty mutants

1963
01:45:21,957 --> 01:45:24,592
are gonna rot in hell
with the boy!

1964
01:45:24,594 --> 01:45:27,695
Your souls are
beyond redemption!

1965
01:45:27,697 --> 01:45:28,963
Let's see your soul, perv!

1966
01:45:28,965 --> 01:45:31,865
No, no! No! No more!
We're better than that!

1967
01:45:31,867 --> 01:45:33,100
We're better than him!

1968
01:45:33,102 --> 01:45:35,870
No more senseless violence!
No more bloodshed!

1969
01:45:35,872 --> 01:45:37,570
We'll let karma
take care of him.

1970
01:45:37,572 --> 01:45:40,576
The day of reckoning is here!

1971
01:45:49,852 --> 01:45:52,085
I'm gonna miss him.
He seemed great.

1972
01:45:52,087 --> 01:45:53,053
Whoo!

1973
01:45:53,055 --> 01:45:56,391
Courage is my power!

1974
01:45:56,393 --> 01:45:58,159
I could hear you
coming the last 30 seconds.

1975
01:45:58,161 --> 01:45:59,994
I could barely keep
a straight face.

1976
01:45:59,996 --> 01:46:02,029
I want some more.

1977
01:46:02,031 --> 01:46:03,463
I bet you do, Brown Panther.

1978
01:46:03,465 --> 01:46:06,901
We should leave
before Fudgernaut wakes up.

1979
01:46:06,903 --> 01:46:09,268
Good call.
You guys coming with us?

1980
01:46:09,270 --> 01:46:11,472
No, we'll get the kids
back to the mansion.

1981
01:46:11,474 --> 01:46:12,905
Besides, we're X-Men.

1982
01:46:12,907 --> 01:46:15,709
No, you're X-People.

1983
01:46:15,711 --> 01:46:17,011
You're exhausting.

1984
01:46:17,013 --> 01:46:19,012
I see what you did there.
Puns.

1985
01:46:19,014 --> 01:46:20,280
Our door's always open.

1986
01:46:20,282 --> 01:46:22,316
That's kind, but I'm
not ready to date again,

1987
01:46:22,318 --> 01:46:23,320
let alone two women.

1988
01:46:24,153 --> 01:46:26,920
- Bye, Wade!
- Bye, Yukio!

1989
01:46:28,992 --> 01:46:30,090
<i>What do you get</i>

1990
01:46:30,092 --> 01:46:31,424
<i>when you take
eight feet of chrome...</i>

1991
01:46:31,426 --> 01:46:32,593
<i>one pinch of courage...</i>

1992
01:46:32,595 --> 01:46:33,828
<i>a cup of good luck...</i>

1993
01:46:33,830 --> 01:46:35,495
<i>a dab of racism...</i>

1994
01:46:35,497 --> 01:46:36,563
<i>a splash of diabetes...</i>

1995
01:46:36,565 --> 01:46:39,600
<i>and a wheelbarrow
full of stage four cancer?</i>

1996
01:46:39,602 --> 01:46:42,203
<i>Answer: a family.</i>

1997
01:46:42,205 --> 01:46:45,338
<i>See? I didn't lie
what kind of film this was.</i>

1998
01:46:45,340 --> 01:46:46,740
<i>If there's anything
you take away today...</i>

1999
01:46:46,742 --> 01:46:49,910
<i>other than the need to Google,
"What the heck is dubstep?"...</i>

2000
01:46:49,912 --> 01:46:53,349
<i>it's that we all need
to belong to someone.</i>

2001
01:48:46,662 --> 01:48:48,228
Okay, there we go.
Here we go.

2002
01:48:49,398 --> 01:48:53,133
After-credit scenes.
I love after-credit scenes.

2003
01:48:53,135 --> 01:48:54,468
They feel so private,
you know?

2004
01:48:54,470 --> 01:48:56,103
'Cause it's just you in
the theater. Everyone's left.

2005
01:48:56,105 --> 01:48:57,404
Here's the curtain.
Peek, peek.

2006
01:48:57,406 --> 01:48:58,871
But you know something,
you know?

2007
01:48:58,873 --> 01:49:01,040
You stayed.

2008
01:49:18,126 --> 01:49:19,993
How something
so small generates

2009
01:49:19,995 --> 01:49:21,995
enough energy
to reverse time is...

2010
01:49:21,997 --> 01:49:24,030
Oh, just fix it, Eleven,

2011
01:49:24,032 --> 01:49:26,032
or I'll take it
to the Genius Bar.

2012
01:49:26,034 --> 01:49:27,802
Cable's gonna kill you
when he finds out.

2013
01:49:27,804 --> 01:49:28,869
Never heard of him.

2014
01:49:28,871 --> 01:49:30,440
Why do you think
I'm helping him?

2015
01:49:31,439 --> 01:49:34,776
The Lord works in
mysterious ways, don't I?

2016
01:49:34,778 --> 01:49:36,346
Have a good day.

2017
01:49:36,813 --> 01:49:38,411
Bye, Wade!

2018
01:49:38,413 --> 01:49:39,515
Bye, Yukio!

2019
01:49:40,748 --> 01:49:42,850
That was probably a bad idea.

2020
01:49:42,852 --> 01:49:44,284
What have we done?

2021
01:50:02,037 --> 01:50:04,070
I hope we sharpened
the cream cheese spreader.

2022
01:50:10,179 --> 01:50:11,748
I'll be right back!

2023
01:50:13,416 --> 01:50:16,453
We're definitely naming
our kid Cher!

2024
01:50:16,818 --> 01:50:17,821
Whoo!

2025
01:50:19,522 --> 01:50:20,855
Peter!

2026
01:50:20,857 --> 01:50:22,289
Whoo! X-Force!

2027
01:50:22,291 --> 01:50:25,359
Walk away! Just walk away!

2028
01:50:25,361 --> 01:50:27,328
- But we're X-Force!
- Nope, we're not!

2029
01:50:27,330 --> 01:50:28,962
X-Force is just
a marketing tool

2030
01:50:28,964 --> 01:50:30,097
designed by Fox executives...

2031
01:50:30,099 --> 01:50:31,965
to keep Josh Brolin employed.

2032
01:50:31,967 --> 01:50:33,334
It doesn't exist.

2033
01:50:33,336 --> 01:50:36,904
All right, well,
this has been pretty scary!

2034
01:50:36,906 --> 01:50:38,705
And I need to feed my cat.

2035
01:50:38,707 --> 01:50:41,141
Go home, Sugarbear. Go home.

2036
01:50:41,143 --> 01:50:44,547
Okay. Will you give
Domino my email?

2037
01:50:53,288 --> 01:50:55,425
Wade, is that you?

2038
01:50:57,727 --> 01:50:59,060
I guess Stryker finally

2039
01:50:59,062 --> 01:51:00,630
figured out
how to shut you up.

2040
01:51:07,036 --> 01:51:10,169
Hey! It's me!
Don't scratch!

2041
01:51:10,171 --> 01:51:12,838
Just cleaning up
the timelines!

2042
01:51:12,840 --> 01:51:14,544
Love you!

2043
01:51:16,578 --> 01:51:18,348
Welcome to
the big leagues, kid.

2044
01:51:22,818 --> 01:51:24,618
You're welcome, Canada.

2045
01:56:50,511 --> 01:56:52,747
"The end."

2046
01:56:54,049 --> 01:56:55,080
Just in time,

2047
01:56:55,082 --> 01:56:57,553
because I have lost almost
all feeling in my legs.

2048
01:56:59,688 --> 01:57:01,789
Ooh. No, they feel fine.

2049
01:57:01,791 --> 01:57:02,923
Can I go?

2050
01:57:02,925 --> 01:57:04,594
As you wish.

2051
01:57:06,560 --> 01:57:08,361
- That must feel good.
- Yes, thank you.

2052
01:57:08,363 --> 01:57:09,564
Yeah.

2053
01:57:11,733 --> 01:57:13,601
Come on. Whoa!
Easy, now. Hey.

2054
01:57:13,603 --> 01:57:15,401
Easy, now.
There you go. Come on.

2055
01:57:15,403 --> 01:57:17,103
Take it slow. Take it slow.
Baby steps.

2056
01:57:17,105 --> 01:57:18,737
I can't feel my legs.
I can't feel my legs!

2057
01:57:18,739 --> 01:57:20,039
I know. Yeah.

2058
01:57:20,041 --> 01:57:23,109
You've been asleep for
three days, buddy. Come on.

2059
01:57:23,111 --> 01:57:25,012
- Three days?
- Yeah! Three days.

2060
01:57:25,014 --> 01:57:26,579
I've been here
for three days?

2061
01:57:26,581 --> 01:57:27,981
- Yeah!
- Why so long?

2062
01:57:27,983 --> 01:57:29,316
- Oh!
- That's too long!

2063
01:57:29,318 --> 01:57:31,358
Uh, can somebody get
this guy a Starbucks?

2064
01:57:32,043 --> 01:57:37,043
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