it took me much too long to figure out what was my problem. but i finally got it. correct me if i'm wrong. it's not, well it is that fact that were not friends anymore, but it's really hurting me on how it happened. forget the fact that i've been bugging you. just think of how it happened, that night. at that very point, did it become, in your mind, that were no longer friends? because i can't stop thinking of the past, because, well i thought of you so highly. never, not ever once in a physical way. but as my best friend, someone that would always be there. you once told me that you could really help me because of the distance, because you can't feel the emotions via texting or just calling. but actually being around the person, you can express how it really is. i've been trying, but you just don't answer. and when it started, the only thing i received in the text's were "fuck you asshole your manipulative, i don't deserve this". now let me break it down. "fuck you asshole". yes, that prank did make me a asshole, but what i can't understand is how you can just throw everything away from a 4 minute call. like when we went to dewores, or had smores, or went to the supply sergeant, or had lunch, or many other things. how friends could not work something out. then i got the asshole part over and over again, i was trying to fix something that you didn't want to be fixed :'(. "i don't deserve this". i know you don't, you never deserved to be hurt, i would never do that. honestly, you have no idea. i was the one hurt throughout this whole thing. i was hurt real bad 2 years ago, i would never let someone get close to me again. but i let you, i let you become my best friend, someone i could always rely on. you were able to call me and tell me how you felt. either you were sad about your bf and what he might've been doing at school. i was able to calm you down, make you feel at ease. then after the prank call you called me first, you had enough trust in my to tell me that you scared. and then i was the biggest asshole. i can't even type this out without crying. which bring us to the "manipulative" part. i have never been manipulative to you, whenever i used ":'(" that wasn't just a face. i really was crying. i don't want to skew your mind and try to form myself as the perfect friend, i am myself. i was never one to lie to try and impress someone. hell, i told everyone that i was a virign, was i trying to manipulate them and make them think otherwise, no.
i've never rly had a girlfriend, but i put all my trust in you, i know how friends work. some stay, some go, then some just linger around. but i joined the military and i made a choice on who would stay with me. there's jeff, then i wanted it to be you. when i had problems i was able....fuck, :'(....i was able to call/text you and you put me at ease. but here i am, trying to tell you everything, i have no one to call. no one to text. everyone else is gone. then i'm going to leave tomorrow morning, fuckin' scared that i'll never see you again. i'm going back to school, to start the hardest training that i've ever been a part of. you want to know something, i wanted to impress you and do this, show you that if i put my mind to it, that i can do it. i knew if i was ever struggeling through training, that i could call you. you helped me through missouri at this point, now i'm terrified that i have to do the hardest part of training by myself.
and you can't put yourself in my shoes. the person you love is 4 hours away, while everyone for me is 1700 miles away. i came home, spent $500 on getting here, to see only 3 people. you being one of them, because you said you can't help someone over texting or calling, but actually being there. so i actually wanted to see you and fix this. but you won't even talk to me. and you keep saying i'm a drama queen, immature, and some other things. but that's because i care. is this not how i'm supposed to feel. i mean really, am i just supposed to stop thinking about you as my bestie in a moment. how about when we made that mcgangbang video, do you not remember that. did you see me as someone that you just didn't want to hang out with? or when i bought the 3 of us those icees, did you not want to hang out with me.
what if you lost your bf, he just broke up with you, over a stupid prank call. how would you feel, would you not try to fix it. then put on top of that that your only in the same state for a few days, then your back off to a place you hate to start training that is hard. then how are you supposed to fix it between you and him?
so i sent you a friend request on fb, but i know how the droid works, you probably never received the invite or you just can't accept/deny it. but i had your number from fb, so once i deleted you, i lot your number. now tomorrow i'm getting on the bus at 0500am. leaving this place. do you still think i tried to "manipulate" you. that i tried to "hurt" you. believe me, i was hurt the most. you have someone, you spent the 4th of july with someone. me, i didn't. the person i wanted left to bootcamp today. please, just tell me where i went wrong. you probably don't have my number, but you know you can ask around and get it. i'm sorry, i don't want to say bye yet. that's for someone that you'll never speak to again. i want to say later. i want to say i'll call you tomorrow. i want to ask you how your weekend was. this is going on db, so i hope you see it, i hope you read this whole thing. everyone told me that time would heal things. that roses and chocolate would help. whatever it takes, i just want that trust back. i want to be able to joke with you. i want the past back. :'(. wow, this is one crappy way to celebrate my promotion, alone begging for someones trust back