Thread 62: Stories 1-15

https://archive.moe/mlp/thread/21945390/
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>42
"2
~~

Trained ears flickered at every sound, concentration furrowing her brow as she listened for any threat, any indication that there was danger ahoof. Should it come, she would be upon it in moments, crushing it beneath her fury, destroying it with a fever unseen in all the world. She would bring death to any who dared.

"Bubbles poppin' in mah tub! Stickin' my head under blublubblub!"

The little one, admittedly, did not make this easy.

>Are you sure you are alright in there?

"Ah' know how ta' take a bath, Forty Two! I do it all the time! Shiny doesn't even have ta' hold my hoof anymore!"

>...Why did he have to hold your hoof?

"I was afraid I was gonna sink."

>Oh... wait, then how did you get clean before we arrived here?

"Fwoshed."

>Ah. Of course. The one stop shop for all things changeling.

"Yep!"

>...You didn't bring anything dangerous into the tub, did you?

"Forty Two!"

>I meant your marchmalleys, they will clog the tub.

"I didn't bring no marchmalleys!"

>Your game pieces?

"I ain't allowed to bring those in after Shiny stepped on a bunch!... he uh... he got screamy."

>...I hear something.

"Forty Twooooo!"

>No, I hear something, what do you have with you?

"I've just got my soapy bar!"

>Soap bars do not sound like that.

"Yer' bein' silly!... Oh! I see what'cha hear!"

>What do you have in there?

Cautiously, she creaked open the door.

And then her mind just stopped working.

"Ya' heard my fuzzy hole cleaner!"

Proudly, she held up a fur covered tube like device, long with a little nub at the top.

"It was real hard gettin' in the holes, so mom got me this! It's great! And don't it look silly? Not-mom laughs everytime she sees it!"

>...

"And look what it does!"

*BZZZZZZZZTTTTT*

>...

"Don't worry, it says on the thing it's waterproof!"

>...

"...Forty Two?"

>...

"...Ya' wanna try it?"

BLAM!

"HOLY FLIPFLOPPIN PANCAKES ON A BUNNY!... S-Soooomby?... Somby? I think... I think Forty Two's brain exploded..."

>...

"Don't be dead."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Non-canon
>Pinkie
"Maud"
~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter, but it looks like folks fell asleep and let the thread drop which ironically was what my show was created to prevent. Oh well, welcome to the new thread! Now for our main guest...MY SISTER MAUD!!!

"Hm."

>So now that it's been confirmed that you are being sort of forgotten in that you've been put to the side, what are you going to do now?

"I'll think of something."

>This has been another great episode and was sponsored by Foalgers. The best part of waking up is foalgers in your cup!

Maud wakes up.
"..."
She walks into the streets and examines a crystal house.
"..."
She breaks a chunk of it and eats it.
".....not bad."
Continues eating another chunk.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC?
>Shining Armor
"Cadance"
'Sombra'
__________

Shining Armor and his wife both stop in mid-step, a mixed expression of horror and annoyance on both of their faces. Thankfully, 18 is too far ahead, frantically trying to save the date to notice. Or maybe she's just looking out for Ninjas more diligently than usual.

>I have the strangest urge to-

“-scream? Yes, dear. So do I. Let's... not. For 18's sake.”

After a brief moment of hesitation during which they both cast a look back at the tall crystal spires of the central castle, they both continue.

>We left everything in capable hooves, no need to worry... right?
__________

'Little One, have you seen 42 anywhere? I was sure she was supposed to- HOLY FAUST-BLESSED CRYSTAL MINES, WHY IS THERE GREEN ALL OVER THE WALLS! WHY IS SHE ON THE FLOOR?! WHY ARE YOU HOLDING *THAT THING* WHILE STANDING OVER HER?! I JUST LEFT FOR 2 MINUTES!'
__________

“R-right...”

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Canon debatable
~~~
During this time, loan in the woods just beyond Equestria's boarders, a quiescence had settled in a land untouched by the chaos of civilization, and in this wood, nature went on as usual.

A rabbit, one of many hopped along, seemingly blithe but ever weary of predators, senses flaring as it nervously nibbled on the verdant grasses, ears twitching.

A snap.

The rabbit was on the run, hopping as fast as it could to the safety of its burrow, tiny heart racing, the forest flying past its sight, and something unseen in pursuit.

A noise, a noise mechanical and alien to the woodland creature terrorized it into a state of paralysis and sense of entrapment as it could hear two 'thunks' in the trees just ahead.

More alien, whining noises, coming closer and closer prodding the primary consumer to resume its flight.

Time slowed to a crawl.

The tension in thin wooden limbs, a ligament straining, and then the release.

Something thin and fast flew, it could feel it, closing in.

Darkness.

"Sheesh, I've gotten rusty at hunting if I needed to use the maneuvering gear to keep up. Maybe too many potatoes?" The changeling muttered unhooking her pitons from the nearby trees and then stowing her bow. She looked down at the rabbit she fell and smiled. "But... This rabbit and the others sure would go great with some starch."

Picking up her last prey, she stowed it alongside its fallen brothers, and resolved to return home.

"Bones and ligaments for arrows, pelts for Rarity, and hey, the rest of the ballroom can finally get some meat."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>88
"???"
~~~~~

>Okay.... FEEL the world, Eighty Eight, you can do this. You're used to the dark. Well, this is just... extra dark. This is just a little more dark than you do normally, which is fine. You're fine with just a bit more dark than you do most days. You can do this, you can live in the dark! Be the shadow! Be the thing lying within that casts fear into the heart of all around her! Be the thing that brings terror to those in the night! You are the shadow! The unseen thing! YOU! ARE! E-

"WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!?"

>...

"..."

>...H-how long have you been there?

"A FUCKING WHILE!"

>You are loud. Please stop, I'm blind, not deaf.

"...You're blind? HAH!"

>Oh wow. Dick move, lady.

"Did you just call me a lady? Really?

>Would you prefer bitch? I'll call you a bitch if it sounds better.

"...You don't recognize my voice at all, do you?"

>Nope. But fine, you know what? I want to get a good look at you.

"And just how is it you plan to do tha-"

>EEEEKKEEKEKKEEKEKKEKEK!

"GRRAAHHHHHHH!"

>...

"..."

>...O-oh, shit...

Above her, Chitania's face screwed into one of barely contained rage.

"YOU LITTLE SHIT!"

>S-SORRY!

"Does everyone know that damned technique!? Did Arctiidae just hand it out to everyone!? I HATE THAT TECHNIQUE SO MUCH!"

>I-I'm sorry! I didn't know it was you!

"HOW DO YOU NOT RECOGNIZE MY VOICE!? I've saved you DOZENS of times!... probably!... Maybe... who was your Queen?"

>Uh-

"Nevermind, I do not care. Do not screech like that again in my presence, or else."

>...Or else w-what exactly?

"..."

>...

"...I'm not falling for it."

>W-what?

"I am not falling for your trap, you hear me!? Ohhh, I bet that's the plan, isn't it? That's totally illegal, isn't it?"

>Threatening me?... I mean, probably, yeah? It just seems like it would be.

"HAH! I knew this was a trick! Your precious little Queen knows I'm closing in on my answers, and fears what will happen when I arrive! She knows her time is drawing to a close!... And I mean that in a NON threatening way!"

>That... that does not sound non-threatening.

"PROVE OTHERWISE!"

>I can feel your breath on my face, and it is making me uncomfortable.

"Nooo, I won't fall for such a pathetic ploy, you hear!? My goal will be accomplished!"

>What goal!? What ploy!? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?

"I won't be broken by a sightless useless, smelly sack of shit like you!"

>Okay, it's not illegal, but that is kind of hurtful. The smelly part especially is just uncalled for.

"I'VE ALREADY WON!"

>Won what!? What the fuck are you talking about!?

"EXACTLY!"

>WHAT!?

"HAH!!"

She heard the Titan spin around and take off, laughing all the way. The stomping growing quieter, and quieter, and soon she was alone.

>...WHAT THE FUCK?

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >7
~~~~

>...Yep... eight bugs.

He spat, idly wiping a smear of goo off his cheek.

>That's eight bugs I've swallowed, and fifteen that's hit my face. I am no longer enjoying this.

The wind stung his eyes as he clung to the top of the train, sticking to it like an invisible bug.

>...You know, in hindsight? I could have just changed and boarded the train normally, I didn't have to do all of this.... yep. This was a bad idea.

Right on cue, it started raining.

>...This is not the way to Canterlot...

He sighed, more disappointed than mad, as the train turned in the opposite direction of the great city.

>...Being an infiltrator sucks sometimes.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>AJ
"Twilight"
'Pinkie'
[Dash]
{Fluttershy}
(Rarity)
^Spike^
~Various~
~~~~~~

>NEXT!

~Are ninjas real!?~

>...Beggin' yer' pardon?

~Ninjas! Are they real!?~

"Historically yes."

~SO THERE ARE CLOAKED ASSASSINS WAITING IN THE DARKNESS!?~

"No."

~...But you said-~

'Don't be a silly billy willy! Historical ninjas concealed themselves by looking like farmers and concealing weapons in tools, they weren't dressed cloaks!'

~But then how did they blend into the darkness if they weren't dressed in black?~

(Actually darling, black at night creates a silhouette, they would have been a dark blue to blend in, not black.)

~What about the swords!?~

^Swords are huge, very easy to spot and not very useful for assassination, knives or poison works better.^

[So does strangling! Good old bare hooves, can't beat them.]

~...Can they at least summon monsters?~

{Why would a monster agree to be poofed up from whatever they were doing at any time? They might be doing something important, that's a bad deal.}

~Oh...~

>...That it?

~Are changelings ninjas?~

>"'[{(...)}]'"

^Huh.^

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>18
"SA"
'Cadence'
~~~~~

At last. At long, long, long last, this was finally going the way she had planned and hoped.

At long long last, she was feeling the magic.

The Crystal Gardens was the premier place of the Empire, the home of ornate carvings of outcropping crystals so intricately made that it would take anyone years to notice every detail. It was the absolute pinnacle of elegance, a place where a camera pointed in any direction could come out with an award winning post card.

And she was here.

With Shiny.

And it was magical.

>It's so beautiful.

"It really, really is."

She could feel it, in this moment. She could feel the love in his heart finally opening up, fears that had kept it closed to her creaking open. She could not feel the amount, oh no, but she did not need to. The comparison between what flowed into her every sense before, every day since her arrival, and now? It was as different as a raging fire or a still water. There was so much there it took her breath away. He practically glowed in her sight, so much so she almost looked away to stifle it, but like a moth to the flame she was drawn there. Drawn to that warmth, that... love.

"Sorry pretty much nothing went like you planned, Eighteen."

She found herself torn, wishing to beat him silly or hug the very life out of him. She could not decide which.

>Nothing really goes the way I planned it since I've gotten here... so much of my life is just stumbling into the right place, and realizing I should have been there all along.

Oh, to see him smile like that she would have hoof-wrestled a dragon, she would have punched the moon right out of orbit, maybe even eat a whole two white chocolate bars, who knows!

She really hated white chocolate. Hilarious, considering.

"Yeah... you really do belong here, Eighteen."

The glow was back, wrapping around him like a veil and casting him brightly in the moon.

>But I wouldn't have been... if you hadn't let me.

"And I would still be dropping out of consciousness every few minutes if you hadn't helped me out."

>I... I just wanted to stay here. I would have done anything to be here. To prove it.

"You shouldn't have had to."

He took her hoof in hers, and she could practically feel the magic dancing off her and tingling up her skin.

"You've worked harder than anyone I've ever seen, you've sacrificed so much just so others can be happy. You were even willing to go on... alone. You shouldn't have had to, you deserve to be happy, Eighteen."

Yes! Yes she cried, a thousand times yes! This is what was supposed to happen! This was the magic she was waiting for!

>I... I am happy. Even if I hadn't been with you... like this, I would have been happy.

"Maybe you would have... but maybe not. But it doesn't matter, because you here, in this place with us... it makes me happy too."

He cast his eyes over, and for a second her breath stopped. In her magical floating across space and time in this moment, she had foolishly forgotten their companion, and found herself cursing her own name for doing so. She should not be flaunting it, any moment now Cadence was going to freak out, separate them, bring this beautiful thing to a close! Her heart became unto lead as she waited for the outburst, the ending to this all!

'It's fine.'

...It's fine.

It's fine!

IT'S FINE IT'S FINE IT'S FINE! Oh dear sweet hivemind in which she will one day reside Cadence has just said 'it's fine!' There was a go ahead! There was consent!

"Are you sure?"

'Shiny? She's waiting.'

She was dead.

She was clearly dead, having died from some badly cooked seaweed, and she was now face down on her table back at the restaurant and long since dead. That was the only explanation. She was dead, this was a hallucination, that was the end of it. No way was this real.

...If someone shocked her back to life she was going to blow out her own brains.


"If you're sure..."

He looked back to her, looking her right in the eyes with his big, beautiful... excuse the term but, shiny eyes. Those ones that made her heart beat, that made her blood pump, that made her-

That made her realize he was going in for a kiss HE WAS GOING IN FOR A KISS HE WAS

THIS IS HAPPENING!

This was it! This was the moment everything made sense! This was the time, at last, that all of her work and worrying and planning and suffering and all of that made sense and she could live! She could LIVE truly! This was the moment everything worked! This was the moment everythis was perfect!

THIS WAS THE MOMENT SHE KISSED SHINY

THIS WAS

[AAHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA! LUMINOUS SHEEEILD!... hi!]

{OH CRAP!}

...God?

Are you up there?

It's Eighteen.

"...Poindexter!?"

{Uh...}

"...What are you wearing, and why is Mane-iac with you."

{...Uhhhhh...}

Are you listening?

Please be listening.

You sure you're listening? Get close.

Okay.

"This better not be what I think it is."

[...Er, um... what do you think it is?]

{AHHHAHAHAH!... I'm confused.}

"...Eighteen? Be right back."

Still listening?

I hope you are.

God?

Fuck you.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Cadence
"SA"
'18'
~~~~~

So... here they were.

She could still remember the first time she and Shiny walked through this place. It was just after she had officially taken over as princess, the very next day. She supposed, in hindsight, she should have been worried about filing proper papers, making sure everything was in order for her ascension to the throne, helping ponies get back their lives, but she just couldn't help herself. She was drawn there, like a child drawn to a sweet shop. And of course she hadn't gone alone.

She could still re-trace every step they had taken together, she could still remember what she felt every step of the way. The words they had said had long since been forgotten, nothing really in the sea of time. But the words were a buffer, merely there for show to one another. They knew what they felt, and they knew it well.

'It's so beautiful.'

"It really, really is."

But now, she can't say she felt that way. She felt... uncertain, to put it mildly. She felt unsure, perhaps... even frightened. Jealous?...

Yes.

She was mare enough to admit it, she was jealous. She wanted this place to be special for her and only her. She didn't like the way he said that to her. It was too close, too close to the way he had said it... before.

"Yeah... you really do belong here, Eighteen."

She found herself zoning in and out as they spoke, her eyes wide and reading as she watched them, studied their every facial twitch and expression. She knew the signs, she knew what to look for and where.

She knew what those looks meant.

'I... I just wanted to stay here. I would have done anything to be here. To prove it.'

Her words rang true, not a hint of deception or deceit, no matter what her race was. There was no lies in her, not there.

"You shouldn't have had to."

Nor any in him.

"You've worked harder than anyone I've ever seen, you've sacrificed so much just so others can be happy. You were even willing to go on... alone."

His every word was spoken with emotion, and every one rang within her. She knew that everything he said was true. To think, in another life she would have held nothing but praise for these actions. She, as the princess of love, should be celebrating acts of altruism committed in its name. She, as one who professed the joys of the emotional over the physical should have had nothing but kind words for this.

Perhaps that was why it struck within her so much when he continued on.

"You shouldn't have had to, you deserve to be happy, Eighteen."

She found herself at war. Yes, she did deserve to be happy, yes, she should not have had to be alone, yes, this was a good thing.

But then why did it fill her with.. not hate, or anger, but fear? She would admit it, she felt fear.

'I... I am happy. Even if I hadn't been with you... like this, I would have been happy.'

The urge to call her on that, to tell her to prove it, was strong. The only thing that froze it in her mouth was her own damn conscious telling her how cold a statement like that would be.

"Maybe you would have... but maybe not. But it doesn't matter, because you here, in this place with us... it makes me happy too."

With only a look, she could see it... he was right.

Her prince, Shining Armor, was happy.

Right here, in this moment, he was feeling happy, he was feeling love, he was not feeling afraid or closed off or worried. He was happy.

That, and only that, was what tore the words from her mouth when he looked to her, that lead her to speak without a thought.

>It's fine.

Two little words she had spoken, and she had seen the effect immediately. She, through this, had brought joy to them, both of them. They felt happy. They felt... love. This was what she, as the very embodiment of the emotion of love, should have strove for. This was what she was meant to do.

And she hated it.


"Are you sure?"

>Shiny? She's waiting.

She had again spoken, not a hint of the fear that gripped her heart leaking through. Even her husband, telling soul he was, could not find a hint of unease in her words.

A part of her was thankful when he turned away, so that he could no longer see what had to be the well-hidden panic in her eyes as his face began to narrow in on hers.

Flashes went through her mind in a flurry, a fear gripping her with the thought that maybe, just maybe... this would skew it. This would be the thing that took away the basking love for which she so needed from him, and turned it to another. She would be left with only parts of the love she had taken for granted, and through her own actions be left with... less. Not left without, just... less.

This brought her more terror than anything she had ever felt before.

And yet, no matter what coursed through her, right there, she couldn't bring herself to stop it.

....God?

Are you up there?

It's Cadence.

If you don't mind, would you please set the Empire on fire?

[AAHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA! LUMINOUS SHEEEILD!... hi!]

{OH CRAP!}

...Huh.

You know what?

"...Poindexter!?"

{Uh...}

"...What are you wearing, and why is Mane-iac with you."

{...Uhhhhh...}

This is plenty.

"This better not be what I think it is."

[...Er, um... what do you think it is?]

{AHHHAHAHAH!... I'm confused.}

"...Eighteen? Be right back."

Still listening?

I hope you are.

God?

Thank you.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

CD
>Spike
"Twilight"
~~~
We join our heroes... Still cleaning up Twilight's lab.

>Huh? What's this sketch book here?

"The usual, really, just a lot of unused invention concepts."

>Oh, hey, this a design for an upgraded Highwind?

"Yeah. It was before I moved on from things like that."

>You know, we're pretty much down to our last hoverbike and could use a means of transport that can-

"Spike, no. Okay? I don't make engines of destruction anymore."

>I'm not even looking for weapons. Something more with speed, stealth, and carrying capacity in mind. It'd be for a worthy cause.

"Hah, and when has the A-Team ever done anything worth-... I-I didn't mean that! I mean... Not about you!"

>... Naw, it's cool. You're honestly right anyhow. I pushed you retired, I pushed 42 away, DT was kicked off and I let it happen, and even before we never helped much anyway. Least not with anything that matters.

"Spike..."

>This isn't any of my angst, Twilight. It's just the facts. The only reason the A-Team hasn't already disbanded is because those of us still in it are already here and the only price Equestria pays is our use of a break room on some Fridays.

"Ummm... About that room and Fridays.."

>... Eh, we can hang out elsewhere...

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

CD
>Spike
"Twilight"
~~~
We join our heroes... Still cleaning up Twilight's lab.

>Huh? What's this sketch book here?

"The usual, really, just a lot of unused invention concepts."

>Oh, hey, this a design for an upgraded Highwind?

"Yeah. It was before I moved on from things like that."

>You know, we're pretty much down to our last hoverbike and could use a means of transport that can-

"Spike, no. Okay? I don't make engines of destruction anymore."

>I'm not even looking for weapons. Something more with speed, stealth, and carrying capacity in mind. It'd be for a worthy cause.

"Hah, and when has the A-Team ever done anything worth-... I-I didn't mean that! I mean... Not about you!"

>... Naw, it's cool. You're honestly right anyhow. You retired, I pushed 42 away, DT was kicked off and I let it happen, and even before that, when the hell has force of arms been helpful in a place where friendship is literally fuckin magic?

"Spike..."

>This isn't any of my angst, Twilight. It's just the facts. The only reason the A-Team hasn't already disbanded is because those of us still in it are already here and the only price Equestria pays is our use of a break room on some Fridays.

"Ummm... About that room and Fridays.."

>... Eh, we can hang out elsewhere...

"But you know, that still sounds like a lot of teen angst to me."

>Twil-

"Just... Lemme say somethibg:; you and the A-Team have helped. A lot. You're each heroes of two countries, three counting the changeling hive. It was you guys who stopped the robots, who knows what would have happened if you didn't catch Chitania's attention, and the numerous small things you have done individually have helped a lot too. And you know what else? Friendship is magic and sometimes that magic is the coordinated force of arms of friends and not rainbow lasers. Now, ready to stop beating yourself up?"

>But how else am I supposed to fight someone I can realistically beat?

"You can start with knocking off all that off and having confidence again. Sure, the A-Team isn't exactly critical to the ongoing existence of our world, but as long but you can bet bet Shiny and Cadance's marriage on the need for you guys someday."

Spike smiles and hugs Twilight

>Yeah... Let's hope that day won't be too soon though and it is minor when it comes.

"And by the way; that totally would have been you who beat up Chitania the first time if you hadn't rejected the Fafnir Juggernaut."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Dadling
"Batmom"
~~~~~

"...Huh."

>AAAHHHH! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! GEDDOWNGEDDOWNNONONOONONONEEEEEEHHEEEHEHEHEHEEEE!"

"So, as it turns out... baby changelings can climb on the walls. This happens."

>HOW ARE YOU NOT FREAKING OUT OUR BABY IS ON THE CEILING!

"So climb up there and get her."

>I can't climb walls!

"...That is bringing up some very troubling questions and I would like to go over the various sexual positions we have been in for verification, if you don't mind."

>I MEAN that I can't climb up walls when my hooves sweat and I am FREAKING THE FUCK OUT!

"...Changelings can sweat... I am just learning so much today about your biology. This is a learning experience for me."

>Call the fire department! Call the guard! Call the Elements! Call the princesses! CALL EVERYONE! ALL OF THE CALLS! WE'VE GOT TO.... Oh.

*Giggle*

>...Huh.

"Forgot I can fly, didn't you?"

>...Right.

"And that you also can fly."

>...I can do that, yes.

"..."

>...C-can I hug her?

"Yes."

>Just... just need a minute.

"Take your time big guy."

*Giggle*

>Glad someone is loving the HEART ATTACK YOU GAVE ME!

"Don't yell at the baby."

>NOTED!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>AJ
“Celly”
_____

>’Tia? Gotta question.

“And I have the remote detonator to the bomb that was inconspicuously hidden away in the last meal Spike ate. So go ahead, Applejack dear, ask your question, but I’m afraid you won’t be able to hear the answer over the following explosion! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!”

>…Would y’all really blow Spike up?

“Good gracious me, no. I get a little nauseous when I think about him getting a papercut, let alone wielding a gun and fighting on behalf of Equestria.”

>Wow. Well, ya hide it well enough. Ah’d’a never guessed, honestly.

“After eons of going through the same motions, you learn how to chisel out the perfect PR face, dear. Feigning calm in any situation, regardless of severity, is a leaders top responsibility.”

>Right, right… and that’s not a real detonator, ‘Tia, it’s made o’ cake. Ya tried that already, remember?

“Of course I do, but these are specially made with black velvet chocolate! Mmmmmph… like an orgy of confectionary delight in my mouth….”

>…Soooooo anyway! Ya ever wonder why we’re so lax ‘round here?

“How do you mean?”

>Well, we don’t really enforce much of anythin’. Ah mean, sure we step in when we need tuh’ but other than that, everyone jus’… does whatever.

“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”

>’Kay, that sounds good right now but what if ponies get tuh’ wonderin’ about our policies and get keen to the overall lackadaisical atmosphere we got goin’ on?

“Gnnfh… sweet, sweet velvet… Hm? Oh! Oh, well, if they did start to wonder, I’d just bring myself, or Twilight, or you, or, hell, even Shiny for old times sake, I’d bring all of us to the front and explain that regardless of what they see, we run a pretty tight ship. Yes, our Guard Captain spot is currently unfilled but with what we’ve got behind castle doors, we might as well have at least ten of them.”

>That’s… comfortin’?

“Is it? Good, because I totally pulled that out of my fat, alabaster booty. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a box of detonators to devour.”

>…Ah’m gonna laugh when they accidentally ship y’all a real one.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Totally NC, or just a creepy vision of the future.
You decide.

>Manehatten pony
"Celestia"
'Thief'
~~~~~
>Stop, Thief! My purse! They stole my purse!

*crack-BOOM*

"STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM! No one violates the law on MY watch."

'P-Princes Celestia? Your Highness, I am but a common guterrat. W-why would you bother-'

"Less talking, more sitting in the timeout dungeon for you. You may leave it once you have thought about what you've almost done and apologize"

*SHWOOM-telport*

>M-my purse... h-he still has my purse.

"Oh. Hm. Well, you may requisition it in Canterlot. Glad I could help, my little pony, but I must stop that arsonist about to set a trashcan on fire in San Franciscolt."

The princess takes off to the sky with a hasty beat of her majestic wings.

>B-but I live in Manehatten ! Princess? PRINCESS! ...horseapples.

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>42
"2"
~~~

>What about... this one?

"Too Jimme."

>Fine... this one?

"Too Jammie."

>Fine!... This one?

"Too much jim, not enough jam."

>For the love of the hivemind, it's just pajamas!

"Nu-uh, there's an art to the JimJammies! Caddy told me all about it! Ya' gotta do a delicate dance of snuggles and lookin' good!"

>Most of these are doubles!

"Nu-uh! That ones more snuggly cause we didn't put it in the wash so much, but that ones cleaner and has better colors! There's an answer ta' everythin'!"

>Fine!... This one?

"Nope!"

>Why not!?

"The clown on the front scares me."

>...Then why do you have it!?

"Cause Applejack bought it for me, and I'd feel bad if I got rid of it."

>...Fair enough. This one?

"Yes!"

>Oh now wha-... oh. You said yes.

"Ah' did!"

>Good.

*FWOOSH!*

"Lookin' good, right?'

>...

"...Forty Two?"

>...

"...Ya' can put 'em back now."

>...

"...Forty Two?"

*BLAM!*

"IT KEEPS HAPPENIN'!"

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