Thread 14: Stories 91-94

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Somewhere in an unseen dark shed, a half machine, half pony monstrosity tinkered and toiled with machinery beyond even his understanding.

On a mouldy table sat the remains of one well worn and beaten down cybernetic hoof, it's nervelinks frayed and servo motors rusted out.

On the other table sat a peculiar...chainsaw with a clearly hastily torn off pommel grip wide enough to carry it by it's side

Between them, stood a orange coated, blue maned but mostly gun-metal-grey pegasus, nervously trying to stuff some wiring into the remains of one of his forelegs; the upper part above the knee to be precise. Glancing over at a crumpled piece of paper with the words "Bug-bitch" and a cross right next to it.

The pegasus then gripped the chainsaw...sword thing with his mouth and tried to stick it former-pommel side into the open mess of his right foreleg.

There was a clanking sound, and it didn't fit. He turned it the other way, and the weapon slid in effortlessly.

Admiring his new serrated motor blade hoof monstrosity, he picked up a double barreled shotgun from the ground, assuming it still worked.

Carefully gripping the stock in his left techno-hoof, the pegasus willed the saw hoof to life, with an encouraging RRRRR, he held out the shottie, and brought the saw right onto the barrel.

BZZTANG

The two lengths of barrel fell to the ground with a clang, and Flash Sentry (for it was he) looked on his new weapon and simply smirked

>Groovy

There was a dull thud as he brought his chainsaw hoof to the ground, the saw itself being twice the length of his lower foreleg made standing on the mangled limb look awfully awkward, forcing him into an unstable gait.

>....Not so groovy

Crumpling the paper into his mouth and quietly incinerating it. Flash shouldered the shotgun and stomped to the door, making sure to splinter it with his new appendage on his way out. He made quite a sight, a worn robo-pegasus with a stumbling foreleg gait, with a nice new purpose in life
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>Applejack
"Celestia"
~~~~

>Celestia? Got a question for ya.

"Go ahead."

>...What, really? No theatrics?

"Nope. I just came back from the Empire, and I feel smooth as butter right now. Lay it on me, I can handle it."

>...Huh. Anyway, Ah' jus' wanted ta' ask, are ya'll havin' a bit of a tussle with yer' sister or somethin'?

"Why, whatever could you be talking about?"

>It's just... ya' won't stop bringing up that whole banishment thing. Ah' wouldn't even ah' noticed iffin' it was cause ya' made it a test on the Wonderbolt entry exam.

"Well, it is good to know your history when serving Equestria-"

>And third grade textbooks.

"-All children have to learn the history of their land, what if they want to grow up to be a historian? They won't know without-"

>And ta' work accounting.

"-the effects that had on the economy, which was major, so obviously they need to know the ramifications of losing a princess-"

>And fer' the Starbucks reward card... huh, Ah' can't tell if that's a pun 'er not.

"...Well, uh... The night is dark, they serve dark coffee, and um..."

>Ya' put it next to their friggen names on the standardized test. Apparently it don't even count as a point, yer' jus' supposed ta' know it as well as ya' know yer' name or ya' fail.

"...That laser blast really, really hurt."

>Ya' don't say.
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>2
"Dash"
~~~

>Dashie?

"...How did you... I didn't even hear you come in, when...."

>Can I be a Wonderbolt? PLEEEEEASE?

"Sorry kid, it takes YEARS of work to become a Wonderbolt. A lifetime of training and hard work to get where I am today."

>Ya' mean as that Captain?

"That's right. Blood, sweat and tears were poured into-"

>Ah' thought Applejack made ya' captain cause the old one was bad at her job?

"...TECHNICALLY, yes, but I also-"

>And I thought ya' kept askin' ta' be let in, but they wouldn't let ya', no matter how good ya' got?

"...Also technically yes, but I did train for years!"

>Buch'a still weren't allowed ta' be a wonderbolt till a princess said ya' could.

"..."

>...

"...You're too short, you need to be this tall to be a wonderbolt."

>AWWWWWW!

"You can wear the suit if you want."

>YAAAAAAAYYYYYY! BZZZZZZZ~ FLYIN' LIKE DASHIE WHEEEEE! AH'MMA BE THE BEST WONDERBOLT EVER!

"On the one hoof, I just got verbally bitchslapped by a child. On the other.."

>WHEEEEE!

"God that's cute."
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>SA
"Cadence"
~~~~

>WHY!?

"It just said add milk!"

>And what did you add?

"Milk, obviously!"

>Sweetie, that's the bleach bottle. The label just fell off. Not all white bottles are milk.

"Oh."

>Also, this does not explain the GLOWING MONSTER CLAWING OUT OF THE BOWL!

"Oh! I also spiced it up with something I found under the couch."

>Which waaaaassss?

"I think it was an orange?"

>You think?

"It wasn't orange."

>You see, this is why we have the flamethrower in the "In case of cooking use this" thing next to the stove. We have a FLAMETHROWER next to the STOVE, and this is somehow more sane than NOT having it there!

"I like the flamethrower, it's great for cereal!"

>JUST HELP ME!

"Fiiiine, drama queen."

>IT'S EATING MY LEG!

"Drama Queeeeeeeen!"
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