The Rise and Fail of KYAnonymous
(See also: "Preparation H", "butthurt", "failure", "famefag", "v&")
Quote of the Moment:
"Pride goeth Before the Fail, er, Fall."
A Synopsis for the tl;dr Crowd:
In which we see how no preparation, complete lack of understanding of operational security, and generally being an arrogant dumbass leads to an individual getting vanned for things that he likely may not have even done.
The Beginning of The End, Before it Even Begins:
Our intrepid an hero creates the "KYAnonymous" Twitter account,
(naming the state that he lives in, which is always a great first step in maintaining anonymity) but leaves his geo-location turned ON, then posts his location, repeatedly, and also creates and links his new Twitter account to a shiny new Facebook page of the same name.
A General Listing of What Deric Did After Being Dropped On His Head, Repeatedly, At Birth, As "KY Anonymous" and In The Aftermath:
1- KY crowd-sourced information and posted it without research or vetting said information, in a rush to keep momentum (and his Twitter Follower count) high and his need for Ritalin, low.
2- He decided that doxing an underage rape victim was somehow a good idea, likely fueled by a dozen Bud Light Lime brewskis and a Pam Anderson calendar from 2004.
3- He went in to public IRC chats without using a TOR, on his home wi-fi.
(This seemed like a good idea at the time, because see #4, below.)
4- Realizes that he does not understand how TOR works, and asks ChannelZeroYT to help install a simple .exe file.
(Our hero learns, at this point, how to "double click" a mouse.)
5- Never bothers with a VPN.
Because, why bother when you're Anonymous?
6 - Tells everyone how "secure" he is by copypasta from security blogs that he doesn't understand because they weren't written by Lil' Wayne.
7 - Goes on CNN after hurriedly buying an "Anonymous" flag from eBay and forgetting to iron it, (or throw it in a clothes dryer, because in Kentucky they do have those yet. Also, indoor plumbing.) Then blathers about "justice yada yada" to Anderson Cooper who was clearly not impressed and took the time to check his manicure, instead.
8- Makes friends with Roseanne Barr.
Because, She is an island of sanity in an otherwise crazy world.
9- Makes friends with Noah, a/k/a "JustBatCat", a guy who likes to play dress-up and role play with squirt guns as a SWAT Team Member in his spare time. Clearly, a match made in Heaven.
10- Gets himself doxed for ego and fame-fagging. Goes dark.
10a- Starts collecting and inbreeding spare relatives, because that's what they do for fun in Kentucky.
11- (Finally) gets visited by The Party Van, and immediately tells the FBI on his front lawn that "I am KY Anonymous."
(LOL 5th Amendment?)
12- After the raid, KY starts a WePay for "legal costs" after stating that his lawyers are working pro bono.
(Until we Googled this term, we thought "Pro Bono" was that whiny singer from U2. Clearly, Deric still does.)
13- Deric neglects to consider selling his assets to pay his debts, because why bother when you can beg for money on the Internet, instead?
14- Immediately gets shitfaced and goes on several Internet radio talk shows (with publically available transcripts) and further self incriminates in a blur of cheap bourbon-induced egomania and sheer stupidity.
14a- Proves to everyone that the free lawyers are worth every penny he's not paying them. (See Above: 5th Amendment)
15- Claims to be a "Constitutionalist" but never read it because it doesn't rhyme.
16- Attempts to claim that he is a "Penetration tester and IT Consultant" but cannot find employment because he is confounded by the lack of a "Start" button on the new Windows 8 release.
17- Cannot use Linux because "command line prompts" do not rhyme with "wigger".
18- Decides that "KYAnonymous™" is now his own, "branded" idea, so he will sell stickers and use the money to fund a Gucci dog collar for his pitbull, "Thor" because every wigger with a pitbull named after a minor comic book character isn't legit until fashionably equipped.
Ya feel me, bro?
19- KY manages, in record time, to get his very own Encyclopedia Dramatica page:
19a- (Editor's Note) You have attain a HUGE level of Mega-Über Fucktardedness to attain an ED page via a single day's Massive Failures, usually it takes more time to compile but this one wrote itself.
20- KY, now a/k/a "Shadow Da' Rapper" dun gone and got hisself bitch-slapped into 2014 by NiggerChrist in a rap battle on RL Radio. This really wasn't a Fail, per se, as NC can rap like Lil' Wayne on sizzurp and ol' KY can barely string two words together into a coherent sentence, even on his best day. The Fail therein was KY ever claiming he could "spit fire" in the first place.
21- KY threatens NC and sequel with lawfare over their diss track aimed at him. For an "Anon" who was previously screaming "Fuck da' police!" etc. KY threatened to run to LE awfully quickly when he received minor anal chafing.
22- KY, now driven mad with butthurt, and probably hungover, allegedly used the above incident, see #20, above, and self-described as "an anxiety attack", to his advantage, and went to the hospital. Most likely to procure anxiety medications to mix with more bourbon so he could claim insanity when the District Attorney gleefully presents him with transcripts of his own admissions of guilt gleaned from the above mentioned radio shows.
23- KY allegedly threatens r3dneck's Mom with rape, live on Internet radio. Apparently, rape jokes are funny when KY makes them.
There isn't enough bandwidth on the Internet to list all of KY's fails and douchery until the NSA finishes up their data center, but stay tuned to Encyclopedia Dramatica whose servers will labor under the weight and do their best until China installs Ed Snowden in The White House.
We Are Legio...
Nah. We're Not.
This missive was sponsored by all the people who are wrongfully imprisoned for trying to make a real difference in an otherwise corrupt, fucked up world.
Give to one of their WePays, not to some silly wigger who hid behind a symbol and fame-fagged himself into The Party Van.