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- 1
- 00:00:02,893 --> 00:00:07,893
- Subtitles by explosiveskull
- 2
- 00:00:55,577 --> 00:01:00,347
- I'm so sorry, this is the
- story of Charlotte and Brandon,
- 3
- 00:01:00,349 --> 00:01:02,349
- they love my TV show.
- 4
- 00:01:02,351 --> 00:01:05,686
- Oatmeal, exercise,
- well, sort of.
- 5
- 00:01:05,688 --> 00:01:08,122
- They both hate sleeping alone.
- 6
- 00:01:08,124 --> 00:01:10,558
- Beer and hairy nipples.
- 7
- 00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:13,494
- The good news is they
- are a perfect match.
- 8
- 00:01:13,496 --> 00:01:15,563
- The bad news is,
- they have never met.
- 9
- 00:01:15,565 --> 00:01:19,968
- And Charlotte is with Steven
- while Brandon is with Ashley.
- 10
- 00:01:26,108 --> 00:01:26,976
- Oh, um.
- 11
- 00:01:28,377 --> 00:01:30,377
- Well, I can't marry you
- 12
- 00:01:30,379 --> 00:01:33,214
- because I'm marrying
- someone else in May.
- 13
- 00:01:33,216 --> 00:01:35,483
- You don't even
- have a boyfriend.
- 14
- 00:01:35,485 --> 00:01:37,753
- Well, actually I do.
- 15
- 00:01:38,387 --> 00:01:41,222
- We've been together since
- high school, for 14 years.
- 16
- 00:01:41,224 --> 00:01:43,123
- It's just that he's been
- living very far away
- 17
- 00:01:43,125 --> 00:01:45,759
- and now, he's moving back
- so we can be together.
- 18
- 00:01:45,761 --> 00:01:47,428
- 14 years?
- 19
- 00:01:47,430 --> 00:01:49,531
- Sounds like commitment issues.
- 20
- 00:01:49,533 --> 00:01:51,199
- No, it's just
- that he was waiting
- 21
- 00:01:51,201 --> 00:01:53,635
- until we were both ready.
- 22
- 00:01:53,637 --> 00:01:55,637
- Why am I defending
- myself to a first grader?
- 23
- 00:01:55,639 --> 00:01:58,174
- Well, when it all falls apart,
- you know where to find me.
- 24
- 00:01:59,175 --> 00:02:01,409
- Look, Lance, we've
- done all the graphics
- 25
- 00:02:01,411 --> 00:02:05,446
- for your packaging and prints
- ads at very reasonable rates.
- 26
- 00:02:05,448 --> 00:02:08,717
- We've created the signature
- look for Be Yourself Cosmetics.
- 27
- 00:02:08,719 --> 00:02:12,387
- Now, it's great that your
- nephew's a whiz at Photoshop
- 28
- 00:02:12,389 --> 00:02:13,756
- but believe me,
- there's just so much...
- 29
- 00:02:13,758 --> 00:02:15,290
- Screw you, Lance!
- 30
- 00:02:15,292 --> 00:02:17,359
- And your oxymoronically
- named product
- 31
- 00:02:17,361 --> 00:02:19,730
- and your muttonheaded
- fucktard nephew!
- 32
- 00:02:21,231 --> 00:02:22,664
- Christ, are you off your meds?
- 33
- 00:02:22,666 --> 00:02:24,132
- That's our biggest account!
- 34
- 00:02:24,134 --> 00:02:26,735
- He's an asshole,
- Brandon, asshole.
- 35
- 00:02:26,737 --> 00:02:29,170
- Bro, I went to RISD
- with Seth MacFarlane,
- 36
- 00:02:29,172 --> 00:02:30,674
- I don't need that shit!
- 37
- 00:02:31,642 --> 00:02:33,508
- That asshole was paying
- off my student loans.
- 38
- 00:02:33,510 --> 00:02:35,710
- Yeah, and our bills.
- 39
- 00:02:35,712 --> 00:02:36,581
- Shit!
- 40
- 00:02:38,416 --> 00:02:41,450
- You think you can get
- him back on the phone?
- 41
- 00:02:41,452 --> 00:02:43,353
- I'm still
- here you broke bitches.
- 42
- 00:02:57,734 --> 00:02:58,733
- For you.
- 43
- 00:02:58,735 --> 00:02:59,668
- Thank you.
- 44
- 00:02:59,670 --> 00:03:00,636
- My pleasure.
- 45
- 00:03:00,638 --> 00:03:02,705
- You're a
- pretty decent drawer.
- 46
- 00:03:02,707 --> 00:03:03,741
- Thank you.
- 47
- 00:03:05,710 --> 00:03:09,378
- You know, I've been called
- the Vermeer of napkin art.
- 48
- 00:03:09,380 --> 00:03:10,248
- Who?
- 49
- 00:03:11,549 --> 00:03:14,317
- Did I leave my amethyst
- necklace at your place?
- 50
- 00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:16,318
- Yeah, yeah, think I
- saw it in the bathroom.
- 51
- 00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:18,788
- Okay, remind me to
- get that from you.
- 52
- 00:03:18,790 --> 00:03:21,557
- So, my boss gave us free tickets
- 53
- 00:03:21,559 --> 00:03:23,693
- to the Charger's game Sunday.
- 54
- 00:03:23,695 --> 00:03:24,563
- Wanna go?
- 55
- 00:03:26,564 --> 00:03:28,433
- The 405 on a Sunday?
- 56
- 00:03:32,670 --> 00:03:34,305
- Okay, I'll drive.
- 57
- 00:03:35,473 --> 00:03:37,707
- Yeah, you know I'm not
- really into drunk crowds
- 58
- 00:03:37,709 --> 00:03:40,545
- and football, or people.
- 59
- 00:03:40,778 --> 00:03:41,911
- Of course.
- 60
- 00:03:41,913 --> 00:03:43,746
- What's that mean?
- 61
- 00:03:43,748 --> 00:03:46,649
- You know, I have dated
- guys with commitment issues.
- 62
- 00:03:46,651 --> 00:03:47,617
- Lot's of them.
- 63
- 00:03:47,619 --> 00:03:48,719
- Pretty standard stuff, but you,
- 64
- 00:03:48,721 --> 00:03:51,588
- I can't even get you to
- commit to a football game.
- 65
- 00:03:51,590 --> 00:03:53,255
- Well, I don't like football.
- 66
- 00:03:53,257 --> 00:03:54,891
- It's not that,
- it's everything.
- 67
- 00:03:54,893 --> 00:03:55,892
- You won't go to Coachella.
- 68
- 00:03:55,894 --> 00:03:57,628
- You won't move in together
- 69
- 00:03:57,630 --> 00:03:58,562
- because that would
- be moving too fast.
- 70
- 00:03:58,564 --> 00:04:00,931
- You won't even book
- that cruise next summer
- 71
- 00:04:00,933 --> 00:04:03,532
- because a lot can
- happen in six months!
- 72
- 00:04:03,534 --> 00:04:05,301
- Those tickets
- are non-refundable.
- 73
- 00:04:05,303 --> 00:04:07,470
- And you're a cheapskate!
- 74
- 00:04:07,472 --> 00:04:08,772
- Which is why I thought
- you'd like the free tickets
- 75
- 00:04:08,774 --> 00:04:09,973
- in the first place!
- 76
- 00:04:09,975 --> 00:04:11,474
- I'm not cheap,
- my money's tied up.
- 77
- 00:04:11,476 --> 00:04:12,743
- And I can't go to the game
- 78
- 00:04:12,745 --> 00:04:15,579
- because I wanna start training
- for that Rwanda charity ride.
- 79
- 00:04:15,581 --> 00:04:17,214
- You know, where
- people are dying.
- 80
- 00:04:17,216 --> 00:04:19,616
- Yeah, like that's
- gonna happen.
- 81
- 00:04:19,618 --> 00:04:20,853
- Ashley, Ashley.
- 82
- 00:04:22,388 --> 00:04:24,721
- Okay, you're right.
- 83
- 00:04:24,723 --> 00:04:25,591
- I'm sorry.
- 84
- 00:04:26,725 --> 00:04:30,927
- Let's do it Ashley, you and
- me, Coachella next year.
- 85
- 00:04:30,929 --> 00:04:31,895
- Ugh!
- 86
- 00:04:31,897 --> 00:04:33,664
- Oh, my god.
- 87
- 00:04:33,666 --> 00:04:35,565
- You have to see this house.
- 88
- 00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:37,902
- It has an entertainment room
- that would be so perfect
- 89
- 00:04:37,904 --> 00:04:39,537
- for you to have
- your buddies over
- 90
- 00:04:39,539 --> 00:04:41,505
- so you can watch your
- football matches, and then...
- 91
- 00:04:41,507 --> 00:04:43,607
- It's games, it's not matches.
- 92
- 00:04:43,609 --> 00:04:45,910
- Uhm, anyway, there's
- a chef's kitchen,
- 93
- 00:04:45,912 --> 00:04:47,678
- newly remodeled bathrooms,
- 94
- 00:04:47,680 --> 00:04:51,883
- there's a study that would
- make a perfect nursery.
- 95
- 00:04:51,885 --> 00:04:55,585
- I think maybe we should
- hold off on the house.
- 96
- 00:04:55,587 --> 00:04:56,653
- Why?
- 97
- 00:04:56,655 --> 00:05:00,758
- I just got here, you
- know, starting a new job.
- 98
- 00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:02,460
- There's a lot to figure out.
- 99
- 00:05:02,462 --> 00:05:05,732
- You don't have to
- figure us out, right?
- 100
- 00:05:07,701 --> 00:05:09,534
- You do?
- 101
- 00:05:09,536 --> 00:05:11,301
- Now, Charlotte,
- just wait a minute.
- 102
- 00:05:11,303 --> 00:05:13,303
- No, no, no no, no,
- I am not waiting.
- 103
- 00:05:13,305 --> 00:05:15,673
- I waited through college,
- through med school
- 104
- 00:05:15,675 --> 00:05:16,641
- and through your residency.
- 105
- 00:05:16,643 --> 00:05:18,341
- That was the plan.
- 106
- 00:05:18,343 --> 00:05:20,645
- I know, I know, and
- you've been so great
- 107
- 00:05:20,647 --> 00:05:21,679
- through all of that.
- 108
- 00:05:21,681 --> 00:05:22,612
- Is there someone else?
- 109
- 00:05:22,614 --> 00:05:24,016
- Is it that Nurse Newcombe?
- 110
- 00:05:24,018 --> 00:05:25,616
- No, no way.
- 111
- 00:05:25,618 --> 00:05:26,752
- Well, then what is it?
- 112
- 00:05:26,754 --> 00:05:28,621
- It's just, you,
- 113
- 00:05:30,024 --> 00:05:31,723
- so predictable.
- 114
- 00:05:31,725 --> 00:05:33,725
- Wha, wha, wha, what the heck
- does that mean?
- 115
- 00:05:33,727 --> 00:05:36,728
- Up every morning at 6:00 a.m.,
- the same Honey Nut Oatmeal,
- 116
- 00:05:36,730 --> 00:05:39,330
- you're off to work, back home,
- then in bed at 10 o'clock.
- 117
- 00:05:39,332 --> 00:05:40,698
- You don't follow sports.
- 118
- 00:05:40,700 --> 00:05:42,700
- Sex, missionary position
- with the lights off.
- 119
- 00:05:42,702 --> 00:05:44,502
- There's no surprises.
- 120
- 00:05:44,504 --> 00:05:46,871
- I'm bored out of my mind.
- 121
- 00:05:46,873 --> 00:05:50,542
- Well, I didn't know it
- was so horrible for you.
- 122
- 00:05:50,544 --> 00:05:53,779
- Well that explains the
- engagement ring,
- 123
- 00:05:53,781 --> 00:05:57,950
- the promise ring and the
- pre-promise ring.
- 124
- 00:05:57,952 --> 00:06:01,254
- 14 years, Steven!
- 125
- 00:06:01,554 --> 00:06:05,356
- In hindsight, I probably
- should have done this sooner.
- 126
- 00:06:05,358 --> 00:06:07,391
- Did you bring me up here
- so I wouldn't make a scene?
- 127
- 00:06:07,393 --> 00:06:08,459
- Because I am gonna make a scene.
- 128
- 00:06:08,461 --> 00:06:09,827
- I'm gonna tell
- everybody in town.
- 129
- 00:06:09,829 --> 00:06:10,762
- I'm gonna announce
- it in church...
- 130
- 00:06:10,764 --> 00:06:11,897
- Charlotte,
- 131
- 00:06:11,899 --> 00:06:13,632
- - would you please just...
- - I'm gonna put posters up...
- 132
- 00:06:13,634 --> 00:06:14,867
- Hey, calm down
- and hydrate, please.
- 133
- 00:06:14,869 --> 00:06:18,637
- Don't you tell me to
- hydrate, you jackass!
- 134
- 00:06:26,547 --> 00:06:28,314
- Steven, are you okay?
- 135
- 00:06:29,984 --> 00:06:31,817
- Fuck no!
- 136
- 00:06:31,819 --> 00:06:33,752
- We find the
- defendant, Charlotte Wells,
- 137
- 00:06:33,754 --> 00:06:36,923
- guilty of criminal
- assault and battery.
- 138
- 00:06:36,925 --> 00:06:39,391
- If you complete
- community service,
- 139
- 00:06:39,393 --> 00:06:42,361
- anger management
- classes and probation,
- 140
- 00:06:42,363 --> 00:06:44,663
- the felony charge
- will be expunged.
- 141
- 00:06:44,665 --> 00:06:47,035
- Sentence is 30 days in jail.
- 142
- 00:06:51,106 --> 00:06:53,405
- Don't tell me how
- to live my life.
- 143
- 00:06:53,407 --> 00:06:54,873
- Yes sir, motherfucker.
- 144
- 00:06:54,875 --> 00:06:56,677
- Goddamn fucking shit.
- 145
- 00:06:59,113 --> 00:07:03,082
- I gotta do me, fuck all y'all
- if you can't appreciate!
- 146
- 00:07:03,084 --> 00:07:03,952
- Step off!
- 147
- 00:07:05,420 --> 00:07:07,120
- Who do you think you
- are, Princess Elsa?
- 148
- 00:07:07,122 --> 00:07:09,656
- It's not goddamn Arendelle.
- 149
- 00:07:09,658 --> 00:07:10,926
- Skinny ass bitch!
- 150
- 00:07:34,449 --> 00:07:35,016
- Ash?
- 151
- 00:07:35,817 --> 00:07:36,685
- Ashley?
- 152
- 00:07:40,188 --> 00:07:41,756
- Oh, yeah
- 153
- 00:07:45,093 --> 00:07:46,127
- Give it baby
- 154
- 00:07:48,931 --> 00:07:52,066
- That's what I'm
- talking about, baby
- 155
- 00:07:52,068 --> 00:07:54,068
- Ow, ow, hot, hot, hot.
- 156
- 00:07:54,070 --> 00:07:55,803
- I'm on fire.
- 157
- 00:07:55,805 --> 00:07:56,672
- Oh, yeah.
- 158
- 00:08:00,776 --> 00:08:04,711
- Somebody's
- earning their lunch money.
- 159
- 00:08:04,713 --> 00:08:05,780
- Oh, yeah.
- 160
- 00:08:11,954 --> 00:08:13,621
- Jesus, Brandon,
- what can I say?
- 161
- 00:08:13,623 --> 00:08:16,857
- She's a treacherous whore,
- you're better off without her.
- 162
- 00:08:16,859 --> 00:08:18,759
- You're gonna give
- yourself a heart attack.
- 163
- 00:08:18,761 --> 00:08:19,996
- What've you gone,
- 164
- 00:08:21,130 --> 00:08:22,062
- a mile and a half?
- 165
- 00:08:22,064 --> 00:08:24,632
- Shit, you're in terrible shape.
- 166
- 00:08:24,634 --> 00:08:28,535
- I bought this bike
- so that I could get fit
- 167
- 00:08:28,537 --> 00:08:30,738
- and do the Rwanda ride.
- 168
- 00:08:30,740 --> 00:08:32,640
- You ever seen me on it?
- 169
- 00:08:32,642 --> 00:08:34,074
- No.
- 170
- 00:08:34,076 --> 00:08:35,644
- The whore's right, Dan.
- 171
- 00:08:35,646 --> 00:08:38,545
- I can't commit to
- anything, especially women.
- 172
- 00:08:38,547 --> 00:08:40,714
- Which explains why
- I've had 50 girlfriends
- 173
- 00:08:40,716 --> 00:08:43,051
- in the past 10 years.
- 174
- 00:08:43,053 --> 00:08:45,721
- I can get 'em but
- I can't keep 'em.
- 175
- 00:08:46,555 --> 00:08:48,589
- I want a lasting love, Dan.
- 176
- 00:08:48,591 --> 00:08:49,492
- I wanna be married.
- 177
- 00:08:50,526 --> 00:08:53,094
- You have had a run of
- lousy luck with women.
- 178
- 00:08:53,096 --> 00:08:55,095
- Luck has nothing to
- do with it, it's me.
- 179
- 00:08:55,097 --> 00:08:56,597
- It has to be me.
- 180
- 00:08:56,599 --> 00:08:58,098
- I have to change, Dan.
- 181
- 00:08:58,100 --> 00:09:01,438
- Come on champ, you stink,
- let's go get a shower.
- 182
- 00:09:09,179 --> 00:09:09,744
- Welcome home, girl.
- 183
- 00:09:09,746 --> 00:09:12,280
- Oh my god!
- 184
- 00:09:12,282 --> 00:09:13,580
- Ow!
- 185
- 00:09:13,582 --> 00:09:15,516
- - Oh, my god.
- - Ow, ow, ow, ow ow ow!
- 186
- 00:09:15,518 --> 00:09:16,952
- I'm so sorry.
- 187
- 00:09:16,954 --> 00:09:19,753
- Carly, I'm so sorry,
- it's my prison reflexes.
- 188
- 00:09:19,755 --> 00:09:20,721
- Fuck that hurt!
- 189
- 00:09:20,723 --> 00:09:22,960
- Oh my god, you are so strong.
- 190
- 00:09:25,129 --> 00:09:27,163
- Is it sick that I envy you?
- 191
- 00:09:27,165 --> 00:09:28,997
- You're an ass kicker now.
- 192
- 00:09:28,999 --> 00:09:31,300
- You look great,
- you've lost weight.
- 193
- 00:09:31,302 --> 00:09:32,368
- Man, I wanna go to jail.
- 194
- 00:09:32,370 --> 00:09:36,604
- Oh yeah, everybody
- should, and it's so simple.
- 195
- 00:09:36,606 --> 00:09:37,973
- All you have to do is
- spend half your life
- 196
- 00:09:37,975 --> 00:09:41,042
- in a disastrous relationship
- and commit a felony.
- 197
- 00:09:41,044 --> 00:09:43,278
- Okay, none of
- which was your fault.
- 198
- 00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:45,647
- It was all my fault.
- 199
- 00:09:45,649 --> 00:09:49,151
- Look, okay, I read online
- that the average woman
- 200
- 00:09:49,153 --> 00:09:50,686
- will have four serious
- relationship before she gets
- 201
- 00:09:50,688 --> 00:09:52,587
- married. So, at the
- rate you're going,
- 202
- 00:09:52,589 --> 00:09:54,689
- you're not gonna get
- married till like you're 84.
- 203
- 00:09:54,691 --> 00:09:56,759
- You need to get right
- back on the horse.
- 204
- 00:09:56,761 --> 00:09:58,060
- How?
- 205
- 00:09:58,062 --> 00:10:00,096
- I have nothing to offer.
- 206
- 00:10:00,098 --> 00:10:02,198
- Men just want some spontaneous,
- 207
- 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:04,634
- unpredictable sexual deviant.
- 208
- 00:10:05,069 --> 00:10:06,701
- Girl, you're giving
- men too much credit.
- 209
- 00:10:06,703 --> 00:10:07,969
- They're simple beasts.
- 210
- 00:10:07,971 --> 00:10:10,772
- All's they crave is
- sex, sports, beer, food
- 211
- 00:10:10,774 --> 00:10:12,342
- and sometimes a little anal.
- 212
- 00:10:12,344 --> 00:10:13,176
- Really?
- 213
- 00:10:13,178 --> 00:10:13,843
- Really.
- 214
- 00:10:13,845 --> 00:10:14,710
- Really?
- 215
- 00:10:14,712 --> 00:10:16,245
- Really.
- 216
- 00:10:16,247 --> 00:10:18,781
- Okay, if that's what men want,
- 217
- 00:10:18,783 --> 00:10:20,950
- then that is what
- I'm gonna give them.
- 218
- 00:10:20,952 --> 00:10:23,686
- Except that last part,
- not gonna happen.
- 219
- 00:10:23,688 --> 00:10:24,854
- SCHWEITZER POLIZEI
- FRAU: Yeah, yeah,
- 220
- 00:10:24,856 --> 00:10:27,089
- we've all seen the
- makeover sequence
- 221
- 00:10:27,091 --> 00:10:28,960
- so I won't bore you with it.
- 222
- 00:10:51,949 --> 00:10:54,717
- Kapernick, Manning,
- Brees, cradle the balls!
- 223
- 00:10:54,719 --> 00:10:55,818
- Work the shaft!
- 224
- 00:10:55,820 --> 00:10:56,952
- Yes!
- 225
- 00:10:56,954 --> 00:10:59,155
- You are now an expert on men.
- 226
- 00:10:59,157 --> 00:11:01,658
- All right, this is all
- the shit that he gave you
- 227
- 00:11:01,660 --> 00:11:03,393
- over the last 14 years.
- 228
- 00:11:03,395 --> 00:11:05,798
- Throw away, sell online and,
- 229
- 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,333
- whatever the fuck this is.
- 230
- 00:11:10,335 --> 00:11:12,701
- Yeah, he got it at an
- Infectious Diseases Conference
- 231
- 00:11:12,703 --> 00:11:14,137
- in Shanghai.
- 232
- 00:11:14,139 --> 00:11:15,773
- I kinda like it.
- 233
- 00:11:18,243 --> 00:11:20,045
- It's going.
- 234
- 00:11:20,845 --> 00:11:22,247
- Yeah, this is disgusting.
- 235
- 00:11:37,663 --> 00:11:38,363
- Hmm.
- 236
- 00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:15,494
- Wow, so you're a
- graphic designer,
- 237
- 00:13:15,496 --> 00:13:17,231
- you must be really artistic.
- 238
- 00:13:17,830 --> 00:13:21,500
- Well, I have been called
- the Vermeer of napkin art.
- 239
- 00:13:24,104 --> 00:13:26,872
- Wait, what are you watching?
- 240
- 00:13:26,874 --> 00:13:29,210
- Oh, it's this, this silly show
- 241
- 00:13:30,545 --> 00:13:32,878
- about this Swiss
- police woman who is...
- 242
- 00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:34,146
- Schweizer Polizei Frau?
- 243
- 00:13:34,148 --> 00:13:35,380
- You know it?
- 244
- 00:13:35,382 --> 00:13:36,381
- Ja!
- 245
- 00:13:39,820 --> 00:13:42,888
- I binge-watched all seven
- seasons in like six days.
- 246
- 00:13:42,890 --> 00:13:44,223
- Yeah, I'm on season four.
- 247
- 00:13:44,225 --> 00:13:46,825
- Oh, there's great
- ones coming up.
- 248
- 00:13:46,827 --> 00:13:50,829
- We talked last
- night for four hours.
- 249
- 00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:52,999
- I think he's a really nice guy.
- 250
- 00:13:53,001 --> 00:13:53,967
- Oh.
- 251
- 00:13:53,969 --> 00:13:55,867
- Do you think I should
- tell him about Steven?
- 252
- 00:13:55,869 --> 00:13:58,837
- If you never wanna
- hear from him again.
- 253
- 00:13:58,839 --> 00:14:01,940
- Dating one guy your whole
- life might come off a little...
- 254
- 00:14:01,942 --> 00:14:02,908
- - Sad?
- - Freakish.
- 255
- 00:14:02,910 --> 00:14:05,077
- Like you were raised on
- a polygamist compound.
- 256
- 00:14:05,079 --> 00:14:07,480
- Don't show him the
- woman you were,
- 257
- 00:14:07,482 --> 00:14:10,418
- show him the woman
- you're going to be.
- 258
- 00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:12,252
- You mean lie?
- 259
- 00:14:12,254 --> 00:14:13,886
- Hell yes, lie.
- 260
- 00:14:13,888 --> 00:14:16,856
- Don't tell her you have
- 56K in student loans.
- 261
- 00:14:16,858 --> 00:14:18,524
- Tell her you have
- a 10 inch schlong
- 262
- 00:14:18,526 --> 00:14:21,060
- and you're the heir
- to Walmart fortune.
- 263
- 00:14:21,062 --> 00:14:21,928
- It's the internet.
- 264
- 00:14:21,930 --> 00:14:23,498
- If you're not lying,
- your not trying.
- 265
- 00:14:24,833 --> 00:14:25,800
- Hey, hey!
- 266
- 00:14:27,535 --> 00:14:29,835
- My last boyfriend? Uh...
- 267
- 00:14:29,837 --> 00:14:35,242
- Let's see, I was with
- him for 14 months.
- 268
- 00:14:35,244 --> 00:14:38,612
- Wow, so brief.
- 269
- 00:14:38,614 --> 00:14:41,515
- Well, how long do your
- relationships only last for?
- 270
- 00:14:41,517 --> 00:14:44,551
- Uh, you know, two,
- 271
- 00:14:44,553 --> 00:14:45,552
- three years.
- 272
- 00:14:45,554 --> 00:14:47,987
- So, you haven't been
- with that many women.
- 273
- 00:14:47,989 --> 00:14:49,889
- A handful.
- 274
- 00:14:49,891 --> 00:14:53,893
- You know, for me, it's more
- about quality than quantity.
- 275
- 00:14:53,895 --> 00:14:55,395
- My biggest fault?
- 276
- 00:14:55,397 --> 00:14:57,930
- Sometimes, I give
- too much, you know,
- 277
- 00:14:57,932 --> 00:14:59,533
- whether it's work
- or relationships.
- 278
- 00:14:59,535 --> 00:15:03,337
- I'm all in, kind of a warp
- speed ahead kinda guy.
- 279
- 00:15:03,339 --> 00:15:06,073
- And sometimes, I'm so
- spontaneous and unpredictable
- 280
- 00:15:06,075 --> 00:15:07,541
- that people find it exhausting.
- 281
- 00:15:07,543 --> 00:15:09,278
- But I'm working on that.
- 282
- 00:15:10,012 --> 00:15:11,478
- I mean maybe 'cause I'm country
- 283
- 00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:14,581
- but there's nothing like
- a cold brewski, right?
- 284
- 00:15:14,583 --> 00:15:16,015
- Hell yeah.
- 285
- 00:15:16,017 --> 00:15:17,418
- Steelers baby!
- 286
- 00:15:17,420 --> 00:15:19,219
- Big Ben is my boy.
- 287
- 00:15:19,221 --> 00:15:22,558
- The San Diego Super Chargers!
- 288
- 00:15:23,527 --> 00:15:25,360
- Well, you're looking
- at the two-time
- 289
- 00:15:25,362 --> 00:15:27,997
- salsa dancing champion
- of West Virginia.
- 290
- 00:15:30,534 --> 00:15:33,167
- Look, I'm not saying I'm
- Lance Armstrong or anything,
- 291
- 00:15:33,169 --> 00:15:35,002
- I'm kinda on the
- level just below him,
- 292
- 00:15:35,004 --> 00:15:37,071
- but cycling is my passion.
- 293
- 00:15:37,073 --> 00:15:39,206
- God, you're food
- looks amazing,
- 294
- 00:15:39,208 --> 00:15:40,974
- where did you learn to cook?
- 295
- 00:15:40,976 --> 00:15:41,842
- Oh please, look at you,
- 296
- 00:15:41,844 --> 00:15:43,346
- making your own
- pasta from scratch?
- 297
- 00:15:45,281 --> 00:15:46,613
- You have beautiful eyes.
- 298
- 00:15:46,615 --> 00:15:49,019
- You have a very sexy smile.
- 299
- 00:15:49,686 --> 00:15:50,951
- Salut.
- 300
- 00:15:50,953 --> 00:15:52,155
- Saluts.
- 301
- 00:15:52,556 --> 00:15:54,089
- Oh, oh, god!
- 302
- 00:15:54,091 --> 00:15:55,690
- Hey.
- 303
- 00:15:55,692 --> 00:15:56,358
- Ah, no, no!
- 304
- 00:15:56,360 --> 00:15:57,459
- No, it's not what you think.
- 305
- 00:15:57,461 --> 00:16:01,629
- I just, I didn't have
- time to get dressed before...
- 306
- 00:16:01,631 --> 00:16:01,997
- Me too.
- 307
- 00:16:05,935 --> 00:16:07,067
- I want you.
- 308
- 00:16:07,069 --> 00:16:08,302
- Come to LA.
- 309
- 00:16:08,304 --> 00:16:10,003
- I'll pay for the ticket.
- 310
- 00:16:10,005 --> 00:16:12,641
- Look, I want to so bad,
- but I looked into tickets,
- 311
- 00:16:12,643 --> 00:16:14,976
- they are $700.
- 312
- 00:16:14,978 --> 00:16:16,311
- Or we could split it,
- 313
- 00:16:16,313 --> 00:16:18,714
- if it feels like I
- coming on too strong.
- 314
- 00:16:18,716 --> 00:16:22,519
- This is gonna be so amazing!
- 315
- 00:16:22,719 --> 00:16:24,686
- Oh my god, I can't
- believe I'm here.
- 316
- 00:16:24,688 --> 00:16:26,388
- I can't
- believe you're here.
- 317
- 00:16:26,390 --> 00:16:28,723
- Oh, I
- love your car.
- 318
- 00:16:28,725 --> 00:16:29,691
- Thanks.
- 319
- 00:16:39,470 --> 00:16:42,505
- So that's the Getty
- Villa, right there.
- 320
- 00:16:42,507 --> 00:16:44,272
- J. Paul Getty was the
- world's richest man
- 321
- 00:16:44,274 --> 00:16:47,710
- but he had a pay phone
- for all his house guests.
- 322
- 00:16:47,712 --> 00:16:50,178
- Oh god, what a cheapskate.
- 323
- 00:16:50,180 --> 00:16:52,547
- I hate that!
- 324
- 00:16:52,549 --> 00:16:54,683
- Yeah.
- 325
- 00:16:54,685 --> 00:16:56,586
- Me too.
- 326
- 00:16:57,654 --> 00:16:59,021
- Hey, isn't that,
- that restaurant
- 327
- 00:16:59,023 --> 00:17:00,625
- where all the
- celebrities hang out?
- 328
- 00:17:01,058 --> 00:17:01,957
- Yeah.
- 329
- 00:17:01,959 --> 00:17:03,225
- Have
- you ever been there?
- 330
- 00:17:03,227 --> 00:17:04,160
- Sure.
- 331
- 00:17:04,162 --> 00:17:05,630
- Oh, I bet it's amazing.
- 332
- 00:17:36,227 --> 00:17:37,526
- It's gettin'
- kinda chilly, huh.
- 333
- 00:17:37,528 --> 00:17:38,762
- - Yeah.
- - Wanna head back?
- 334
- 00:17:38,764 --> 00:17:40,531
- Sure.
- 335
- 00:17:40,731 --> 00:17:43,668
- Or, we could jump in the water.
- 336
- 00:17:46,304 --> 00:17:47,270
- Yeah, right.
- 337
- 00:17:47,272 --> 00:17:48,405
- No, I'm serious.
- 338
- 00:17:48,407 --> 00:17:50,507
- Come on, Charlotte, you
- just ate five course meal,
- 339
- 00:17:50,509 --> 00:17:51,408
- you're not going for a swim.
- 340
- 00:17:51,410 --> 00:17:52,342
- No, come on, let's do it.
- 341
- 00:17:52,344 --> 00:17:53,677
- I've never even been
- in the ocean before
- 342
- 00:17:53,679 --> 00:17:55,212
- and it would just
- be like absolutely...
- 343
- 00:17:55,214 --> 00:17:56,613
- Hey, hey, listen to me.
- 344
- 00:17:56,615 --> 00:17:58,582
- We're not jumping off the pier.
- 345
- 00:17:59,818 --> 00:18:00,985
- Oh, my god.
- 346
- 00:18:01,653 --> 00:18:04,721
- Okay, you are completely insane!
- 347
- 00:18:04,723 --> 00:18:05,555
- Really?
- 348
- 00:18:05,557 --> 00:18:06,656
- Yes, you're crazy.
- 349
- 00:18:06,658 --> 00:18:09,494
- And you are the most
- exciting guy I've ever met.
- 350
- 00:18:10,094 --> 00:18:10,627
- Really?
- 351
- 00:18:10,629 --> 00:18:11,296
- Yeah.
- 352
- 00:18:35,288 --> 00:18:37,122
- All right, Carly, let's
- see what you got me.
- 353
- 00:18:38,324 --> 00:18:39,390
- How does...
- 354
- 00:18:39,392 --> 00:18:41,659
- I don't even...
- 355
- 00:18:41,661 --> 00:18:43,228
- I'm not using that.
- 356
- 00:18:51,303 --> 00:18:52,437
- I've seen thicker dental floss.
- 357
- 00:19:00,647 --> 00:19:02,747
- You are one sexy
- bitch, Charlotte.
- 358
- 00:19:02,749 --> 00:19:05,149
- And you've had sex
- with a thousand men.
- 359
- 00:19:05,151 --> 00:19:05,883
- With a hundred men.
- 360
- 00:19:05,885 --> 00:19:08,488
- 23, eight, eight.
- 361
- 00:19:16,596 --> 00:19:20,733
- You're gonna go in there and
- be just a super sexy lady.
- 362
- 00:19:22,735 --> 00:19:24,538
- God, I look like my
- mom with these things.
- 363
- 00:20:07,413 --> 00:20:08,112
- Ow!
- 364
- 00:20:08,114 --> 00:20:09,580
- Oh, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.
- 365
- 00:20:09,582 --> 00:20:10,581
- So you like it rough?
- 366
- 00:20:10,583 --> 00:20:11,851
- Huh, oh no, I was just...
- 367
- 00:20:11,853 --> 00:20:13,685
- 'Cause I can be really rough.
- 368
- 00:20:13,687 --> 00:20:16,889
- Oh yeah, no, I'm rough,
- I'm like super rough.
- 369
- 00:20:16,891 --> 00:20:18,390
- Like this kinda rough?
- 370
- 00:20:18,392 --> 00:20:19,324
- Ah!
- 371
- 00:20:19,326 --> 00:20:20,392
- Oh!
- 372
- 00:20:20,394 --> 00:20:23,729
- Goin' for the sexy proctologist,
- yeah, no I dig that.
- 373
- 00:20:23,731 --> 00:20:24,596
- Yeah?
- 374
- 00:20:24,598 --> 00:20:25,731
- Is that all you got?
- 375
- 00:20:25,733 --> 00:20:27,566
- You're in luck
- 'cause his two friends
- 376
- 00:20:27,568 --> 00:20:29,468
- just decided to join the party.
- 377
- 00:20:37,244 --> 00:20:39,313
- What're you thinking?
- 378
- 00:20:40,715 --> 00:20:42,651
- I was just thinking, uhm
- 379
- 00:20:44,218 --> 00:20:47,352
- I was just wondering,
- 380
- 00:20:47,354 --> 00:20:50,591
- if it's too soon to
- tell him that um,
- 381
- 00:20:51,793 --> 00:20:53,895
- he's just the kind of man
- I've always wanted to be with.
- 382
- 00:20:55,396 --> 00:20:58,530
- Confident and uhm,
- 383
- 00:20:58,532 --> 00:21:00,767
- unhesitating,
- 384
- 00:21:00,769 --> 00:21:02,203
- sure of what he wants.
- 385
- 00:21:03,538 --> 00:21:04,904
- Extremely handsome.
- 386
- 00:21:04,906 --> 00:21:07,006
- Well.
- 387
- 00:21:07,008 --> 00:21:09,244
- And um,
- 388
- 00:21:10,945 --> 00:21:13,213
- it's gonna break my heart
- to get back on that plane.
- 389
- 00:21:16,851 --> 00:21:18,651
- Well, that's funny actually,
- 390
- 00:21:18,653 --> 00:21:23,824
- because I was
- thinking that she is
- 391
- 00:21:23,826 --> 00:21:27,427
- the most exciting
- 392
- 00:21:27,429 --> 00:21:31,330
- and spontaneous person
- 393
- 00:21:31,332 --> 00:21:34,300
- I've met in my entire life.
- 394
- 00:21:34,302 --> 00:21:37,639
- Not to mention gorgeous,
- bombshell, knockout
- 395
- 00:21:38,740 --> 00:21:40,907
- and blonde too, the
- most blonde person.
- 396
- 00:21:44,612 --> 00:21:45,745
- And I was actually wondering
- 397
- 00:21:45,747 --> 00:21:47,583
- if it's too soon
- to give her this.
- 398
- 00:21:51,554 --> 00:21:53,556
- And to tell her that I love her.
- 399
- 00:22:21,917 --> 00:22:24,718
- I know this is
- moving insanely fast
- 400
- 00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:27,521
- but she's not like
- the women here.
- 401
- 00:22:27,523 --> 00:22:29,056
- Is that a heel mark?
- 402
- 00:22:29,058 --> 00:22:31,391
- She's sexy and smart
- 403
- 00:22:31,393 --> 00:22:32,926
- and we just have
- this, this connection!
- 404
- 00:22:32,928 --> 00:22:35,029
- What did you get
- on my upholstery?
- 405
- 00:22:35,031 --> 00:22:36,664
- Oh, that's just saltwater.
- 406
- 00:22:36,666 --> 00:22:38,432
- Is that what the
- kids are calling it?
- 407
- 00:22:38,434 --> 00:22:40,367
- You desecrated the Stang!
- 408
- 00:22:40,369 --> 00:22:41,703
- Dude, I'll get it
- washed and waxed.
- 409
- 00:22:41,705 --> 00:22:43,705
- Are you listening to what
- I'm saying, I'm in love.
- 410
- 00:22:43,707 --> 00:22:45,506
- I can clearly see
- that you're excited
- 411
- 00:22:45,508 --> 00:22:47,674
- and I'm very happy
- for you, really I am.
- 412
- 00:22:47,676 --> 00:22:48,711
- Okay yes.
- 413
- 00:22:54,450 --> 00:22:56,350
- You might wanna keep
- this for your scrap book.
- 414
- 00:22:56,352 --> 00:22:56,986
- Oh, yes.
- 415
- 00:22:58,855 --> 00:23:00,021
- That's her neck.
- 416
- 00:23:00,023 --> 00:23:00,889
- Just smell that.
- 417
- 00:23:00,891 --> 00:23:01,923
- - No.
- - Just smell.
- 418
- 00:23:01,925 --> 00:23:02,957
- - It's just a neck.
- - It's not..
- 419
- 00:23:02,959 --> 00:23:04,759
- - It's a neutral zone.
- - This is not appropriate.
- 420
- 00:23:04,761 --> 00:23:06,694
- Oh god, that's good.
- 421
- 00:23:06,696 --> 00:23:10,598
- And, did you do the
- things that we talked about?
- 422
- 00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:12,467
- We did things no
- one talks about.
- 423
- 00:23:12,469 --> 00:23:15,402
- Ooh, and how did that go?
- 424
- 00:23:15,404 --> 00:23:16,738
- He gave me this.
- 425
- 00:23:16,740 --> 00:23:17,572
- Oh, my god.
- 426
- 00:23:17,574 --> 00:23:19,707
- And he told me
- that he loves me.
- 427
- 00:23:19,709 --> 00:23:21,608
- Oh, my god!
- 428
- 00:23:21,610 --> 00:23:22,978
- I know, and I told
- him I love him too
- 429
- 00:23:22,980 --> 00:23:25,713
- which I know seems
- like crazy and rushed
- 430
- 00:23:25,715 --> 00:23:28,550
- but it was just so magical.
- 431
- 00:23:28,552 --> 00:23:30,420
- That no good mother.
- 432
- 00:23:43,166 --> 00:23:44,732
- You know, good for him.
- 433
- 00:23:44,734 --> 00:23:46,769
- Good for him, he
- deserves to be happy.
- 434
- 00:23:46,771 --> 00:23:48,504
- Char...
- 435
- 00:23:48,506 --> 00:23:50,639
- I know what you're gonna
- say and I'm gonna be fine
- 436
- 00:23:50,641 --> 00:23:53,676
- because I'm happy
- and he's happy.
- 437
- 00:23:53,678 --> 00:23:55,578
- - Charlotte!
- - And everybody's happy.
- 438
- 00:23:55,580 --> 00:23:56,411
- Charlotte!
- 439
- 00:23:56,413 --> 00:23:57,445
- It's gonna be,
- 440
- 00:23:57,447 --> 00:23:58,115
- oh my god!
- 441
- 00:24:09,060 --> 00:24:09,927
- Asshole!
- 442
- 00:24:11,596 --> 00:24:14,730
- No, you cannot cause an
- avalanche just by yodeling.
- 443
- 00:24:14,732 --> 00:24:17,800
- No, I am telling you,
- it is completely possible.
- 444
- 00:24:17,802 --> 00:24:19,068
- You can't.
- 445
- 00:24:19,070 --> 00:24:20,769
- And even if you could,
- 446
- 00:24:20,771 --> 00:24:23,138
- you can't make it fall right
- on a fleeing bank robber.
- 447
- 00:24:23,140 --> 00:24:25,541
- Schweizer Polizei Frau can.
- 448
- 00:24:25,543 --> 00:24:26,577
- Yeah well.
- 449
- 00:24:27,845 --> 00:24:31,881
- Hey, I made something at work
- today, you mind taking a look?
- 450
- 00:24:31,883 --> 00:24:33,017
- Yeah, sure.
- 451
- 00:24:39,157 --> 00:24:40,857
- Hey, is that me?
- 452
- 00:24:40,859 --> 00:24:41,960
- Lookin' good.
- 453
- 00:24:49,567 --> 00:24:51,903
- Oh, thank you, it's beautiful.
- 454
- 00:25:03,882 --> 00:25:07,753
- It would be the most
- unpredictable thing ever.
- 455
- 00:25:09,755 --> 00:25:12,958
- It would be the
- ultimate commitment.
- 456
- 00:25:22,734 --> 00:25:23,702
- Geronimo!
- 457
- 00:25:35,013 --> 00:25:36,112
- We want a divorce.
- 458
- 00:25:36,114 --> 00:25:37,614
- Between the two of ya?
- 459
- 00:25:37,616 --> 00:25:38,581
- Yep.
- 460
- 00:25:38,583 --> 00:25:39,816
- Well, I'll be, usually,
- 461
- 00:25:39,818 --> 00:25:42,585
- I represent only one
- party's interests.
- 462
- 00:25:42,587 --> 00:25:43,520
- We have the same interest.
- 463
- 00:25:43,522 --> 00:25:44,721
- An immediate divorce.
- 464
- 00:25:44,723 --> 00:25:46,824
- Well then, I reckon
- we oughta discuss
- 465
- 00:25:46,826 --> 00:25:48,626
- dividin' property, assets...
- 466
- 00:25:48,628 --> 00:25:49,794
- We don't have any.
- 467
- 00:25:49,796 --> 00:25:52,529
- How long you two been hitched?
- 468
- 00:25:52,531 --> 00:25:53,898
- BRANDON AND
- CHARLOTTE: 10 days.
- 469
- 00:25:53,900 --> 00:25:54,767
- 10 days?
- 470
- 00:26:04,609 --> 00:26:05,608
- Oh!
- 471
- 00:26:05,610 --> 00:26:06,776
- Thank you so much, Carly.
- 472
- 00:26:06,778 --> 00:26:09,115
- Thanks, Carly, it's awesome!
- 473
- 00:26:10,049 --> 00:26:11,749
- Oh, and that is from us.
- 474
- 00:26:11,751 --> 00:26:12,850
- Oh.
- 475
- 00:26:12,852 --> 00:26:13,720
- Thank you.
- 476
- 00:26:21,728 --> 00:26:25,262
- Aw, thank you very much, that's
- so sweet, Jerry and Judy.
- 477
- 00:26:25,264 --> 00:26:27,765
- Thanks, Mom, thanks,
- Dad, that's uh.
- 478
- 00:26:27,767 --> 00:26:30,001
- No, the people
- of Tibet thank you.
- 479
- 00:26:30,003 --> 00:26:34,005
- It's such a noble
- gesture in your name.
- 480
- 00:26:34,007 --> 00:26:35,807
- Though it has none of
- the bourgeoisie cache
- 481
- 00:26:35,809 --> 00:26:38,045
- of a shiny kitchen appliance.
- 482
- 00:26:39,847 --> 00:26:42,080
- Anyway, speaking
- of exotic places,
- 483
- 00:26:42,082 --> 00:26:43,647
- have you guys finally decided
- 484
- 00:26:43,649 --> 00:26:44,582
- where you're gonna
- take your honeymoon?
- 485
- 00:26:44,584 --> 00:26:46,917
- Not yet, I'm start
- teaching really soon
- 486
- 00:26:46,919 --> 00:26:50,355
- and we have to find a bigger
- apartment or maybe a house.
- 487
- 00:26:50,357 --> 00:26:52,089
- Oh.
- 488
- 00:26:52,091 --> 00:26:54,091
- So we have to
- put that on hold.
- 489
- 00:26:54,093 --> 00:26:56,660
- No, no, no, you must do
- something special, Brandon.
- 490
- 00:26:56,662 --> 00:26:58,295
- Sri Lanka is lovely.
- 491
- 00:26:58,297 --> 00:27:00,699
- As far as exploited,
- underdeveloped
- 492
- 00:27:00,701 --> 00:27:01,900
- island nations go.
- 493
- 00:27:01,902 --> 00:27:05,037
- It's really the sad teardrop
- of the Indian subcontinent.
- 494
- 00:27:05,039 --> 00:27:06,738
- But the beaches are beautiful.
- 495
- 00:27:06,740 --> 00:27:08,240
- Well, that sounds
- fun, right, honey?
- 496
- 00:27:08,242 --> 00:27:11,810
- Oh yeah, it's just a shame
- about all the tsunamis.
- 497
- 00:27:11,812 --> 00:27:13,245
- I'll tell you what
- though, for special,
- 498
- 00:27:13,247 --> 00:27:14,880
- there's some really great spots
- 499
- 00:27:14,882 --> 00:27:16,747
- right within driving distance.
- 500
- 00:27:16,749 --> 00:27:19,920
- I mean, San Diego,
- Santa Barbara, Pismo.
- 501
- 00:27:21,754 --> 00:27:22,621
- Oh, what about you?
- 502
- 00:27:22,623 --> 00:27:24,223
- Where'd you two go
- on your honeymoon?
- 503
- 00:27:24,225 --> 00:27:25,324
- Jail.
- 504
- 00:27:29,797 --> 00:27:31,029
- He's not kidding.
- 505
- 00:27:31,031 --> 00:27:32,631
- After we exchanged our vows,
- 506
- 00:27:32,633 --> 00:27:34,699
- we went off to a No Nukes rally,
- 507
- 00:27:34,701 --> 00:27:37,370
- she acted up and the
- po-po picked us up
- 508
- 00:27:37,372 --> 00:27:38,770
- and threw us both
- in the slammer.
- 509
- 00:27:38,772 --> 00:27:41,306
- So you spent your
- whole honeymoon in jail?
- 510
- 00:27:41,308 --> 00:27:42,475
- We had only known
- each other 10 days
- 511
- 00:27:42,477 --> 00:27:46,779
- so every minute we spent
- together was like a honeymoon.
- 512
- 00:27:46,781 --> 00:27:50,649
- And we actually managed to slip
- a little connubial bliss in
- 513
- 00:27:50,651 --> 00:27:52,754
- right under the man's nose.
- 514
- 00:27:55,190 --> 00:27:57,290
- So we were in
- adjacent cells, right,
- 515
- 00:27:57,292 --> 00:27:59,992
- and right after all of the
- other inmates went to sleep,
- 516
- 00:27:59,994 --> 00:28:02,861
- my beautiful bride, she
- backed her tight little rump
- 517
- 00:28:02,863 --> 00:28:04,863
- right up against the bars,
- 518
- 00:28:04,865 --> 00:28:09,868
- I dropped trou and we made
- the sweetest, sweetest love.
- 519
- 00:28:09,870 --> 00:28:12,740
- Oh, oh, Christ,
- I need a drink!
- 520
- 00:28:16,878 --> 00:28:19,145
- Being an only child and
- losing both my parents,
- 521
- 00:28:19,147 --> 00:28:22,281
- I definitely want a big family,
- like three or four kids.
- 522
- 00:28:22,283 --> 00:28:24,450
- You know, they say, it
- costs over a quarter million
- 523
- 00:28:24,452 --> 00:28:27,753
- to raise a child and
- that's before college.
- 524
- 00:28:27,755 --> 00:28:30,756
- You can't put a
- price tag on happiness.
- 525
- 00:28:30,758 --> 00:28:34,727
- True but I was an only
- child and I have to say,
- 526
- 00:28:34,729 --> 00:28:35,462
- I was very happy.
- 527
- 00:28:35,464 --> 00:28:37,431
- Oh come on, Brandon.
- 528
- 00:28:37,433 --> 00:28:39,266
- You use to always want
- a younger brother.
- 529
- 00:28:39,268 --> 00:28:42,369
- And a matter of fact,
- Brandon was an accident.
- 530
- 00:28:42,371 --> 00:28:44,071
- We thought long and hard
- 531
- 00:28:44,073 --> 00:28:46,072
- about whether or not
- we should keep him.
- 532
- 00:28:46,074 --> 00:28:47,940
- You were gonna put
- him up for adoption?
- 533
- 00:28:47,942 --> 00:28:50,344
- Oh god no, I wouldn't
- have the heart for that.
- 534
- 00:28:50,346 --> 00:28:53,045
- We were gonna abort him.
- 535
- 00:28:53,047 --> 00:28:53,915
- Jesus.
- 536
- 00:28:55,016 --> 00:28:56,716
- But we were in Burma,
- 537
- 00:28:56,718 --> 00:28:59,052
- we couldn't find anyone
- to perform the procedure.
- 538
- 00:28:59,054 --> 00:29:00,022
- Thank god.
- 539
- 00:29:01,157 --> 00:29:03,390
- I think we made
- the right decision.
- 540
- 00:29:03,392 --> 00:29:04,326
- I do too.
- 541
- 00:29:05,761 --> 00:29:06,960
- Most of the time.
- 542
- 00:29:06,962 --> 00:29:09,329
- Oh, Jerry.
- 543
- 00:29:09,331 --> 00:29:10,497
- Hey, you know, we
- better get going,
- 544
- 00:29:10,499 --> 00:29:13,834
- we got a flight to catch, we
- gotta get to Buenos Aries.
- 545
- 00:29:13,836 --> 00:29:16,069
- Oh, leaving so soon?
- 546
- 00:29:16,071 --> 00:29:17,337
- We're gonna the Antarctica,
- 547
- 00:29:17,339 --> 00:29:19,872
- we're gonna scuttle some
- Japanese whale killers.
- 548
- 00:29:19,874 --> 00:29:20,773
- If it were up to me,
- 549
- 00:29:20,775 --> 00:29:23,311
- I'd have those boats
- sunk in the ocean
- 550
- 00:29:23,313 --> 00:29:26,847
- and have any remaining
- survivors fed to the sharks.
- 551
- 00:29:26,849 --> 00:29:28,815
- I hear you, I
- respect your feelings.
- 552
- 00:29:28,817 --> 00:29:31,885
- Now, get you things we
- gotta go, we gonna be late.
- 553
- 00:29:31,887 --> 00:29:34,522
- Charlotte, it's been
- so lovely meeting you.
- 554
- 00:29:34,524 --> 00:29:35,523
- Likewise.
- 555
- 00:29:35,525 --> 00:29:37,124
- Carly, till next time.
- 556
- 00:29:37,126 --> 00:29:38,992
- Okay, let's go.
- 557
- 00:29:38,994 --> 00:29:43,699
- She gets so blood thirsty
- when it comes to the Japanese.
- 558
- 00:29:45,834 --> 00:29:47,502
- Those are some
- weird fucking people.
- 559
- 00:29:47,504 --> 00:29:50,807
- Okay, I don't
- know, they're unique.
- 560
- 00:29:52,409 --> 00:29:54,542
- It's kinda refreshing.
- 561
- 00:29:54,544 --> 00:29:55,876
- You need to be thankful
- 562
- 00:29:55,878 --> 00:29:57,212
- that their DNA
- skipped a generation.
- 563
- 00:29:59,149 --> 00:30:01,949
- But isn't, Brandon's
- pretty amazing, right?
- 564
- 00:30:01,951 --> 00:30:04,117
- You did good, girl.
- 565
- 00:30:04,119 --> 00:30:06,820
- And he can't freak if he finds
- out that you're a jail bird.
- 566
- 00:30:06,822 --> 00:30:07,955
- 'Cause with parents like that,
- 567
- 00:30:07,957 --> 00:30:09,557
- he was probably
- conceived in the joint.
- 568
- 00:30:09,559 --> 00:30:11,826
- Why would you tell
- Charlotte the Stang is yours?
- 569
- 00:30:11,828 --> 00:30:13,194
- You're the one
- who told me to lie.
- 570
- 00:30:13,196 --> 00:30:15,196
- When you're trying to
- lure her to the honey pot!
- 571
- 00:30:15,198 --> 00:30:17,031
- You can't keep it going
- now that you're married.
- 572
- 00:30:17,033 --> 00:30:18,266
- It's insane.
- 573
- 00:30:18,268 --> 00:30:19,568
- Just let me break it
- to her slowly, okay?
- 574
- 00:30:19,570 --> 00:30:22,337
- Can you go along with
- it for a couple weeks?
- 575
- 00:30:22,339 --> 00:30:23,471
- Come on man, you
- have another car.
- 576
- 00:30:23,473 --> 00:30:24,472
- Please, I'll owe you.
- 577
- 00:30:24,474 --> 00:30:25,406
- With what?
- 578
- 00:30:25,408 --> 00:30:26,808
- You don't have any money.
- 579
- 00:30:26,810 --> 00:30:28,009
- Which you also told me
- not to tell her about.
- 580
- 00:30:28,011 --> 00:30:30,979
- And now she's talking about
- honeymoons and houses and kids.
- 581
- 00:30:30,981 --> 00:30:33,348
- Well, you screwed up,
- man, you took my advice.
- 582
- 00:30:33,350 --> 00:30:36,018
- Okay, okay, okay okay,
- you can take the Stang
- 583
- 00:30:36,020 --> 00:30:37,986
- for a couple more weeks but, but
- 584
- 00:30:37,988 --> 00:30:40,089
- if I see you drive
- it more than twice,
- 585
- 00:30:40,091 --> 00:30:42,090
- I will bring down
- your house of cards.
- 586
- 00:30:42,092 --> 00:30:43,091
- Understood, thanks.
- 587
- 00:30:43,093 --> 00:30:44,593
- I'll see you at dinner.
- 588
- 00:30:44,595 --> 00:30:47,496
- No, this is yours now,
- you have to take care of it!
- 589
- 00:30:47,498 --> 00:30:48,332
- Oh!
- 590
- 00:30:49,567 --> 00:30:51,567
- Our first dinner party
- as a married couple.
- 591
- 00:30:51,569 --> 00:30:52,401
- Yeah.
- 592
- 00:30:52,403 --> 00:30:54,436
- What are you making?
- 593
- 00:30:54,438 --> 00:30:59,377
- Well, I thought maybe you
- could make your homemade pasta.
- 594
- 00:31:04,215 --> 00:31:06,548
- I remember on our honeymoon,
- we went to a movie in Maui
- 595
- 00:31:06,550 --> 00:31:08,884
- and Dan was playing
- with his wedding ring,
- 596
- 00:31:08,886 --> 00:31:11,053
- it fell off and
- rolled down the floor.
- 597
- 00:31:11,055 --> 00:31:12,288
- Ting, ting, ting, ting.
- 598
- 00:31:12,290 --> 00:31:13,888
- We had to wait till
- the movie was over
- 599
- 00:31:13,890 --> 00:31:15,190
- and then search through
- all this popcorn
- 600
- 00:31:15,192 --> 00:31:17,859
- and crud and found it
- in a puddle of Pepsi.
- 601
- 00:31:17,861 --> 00:31:19,328
- She was really mad.
- 602
- 00:31:19,330 --> 00:31:20,995
- And then the next
- week, he does it again!
- 603
- 00:31:20,997 --> 00:31:23,899
- And she punched me
- right in the dick.
- 604
- 00:31:25,637 --> 00:31:28,571
- You're lucky I
- didn't divorce you.
- 605
- 00:31:28,573 --> 00:31:31,106
- It turned out he done
- it intentionally.
- 606
- 00:31:31,108 --> 00:31:33,042
- Well yeah, so I had
- tied it to a string
- 607
- 00:31:33,044 --> 00:31:35,545
- and I was pulling it along
- and she kept going after it.
- 608
- 00:31:35,547 --> 00:31:37,012
- That was really.
- 609
- 00:31:39,583 --> 00:31:41,350
- Oh god, weren't you furious?
- 610
- 00:31:41,352 --> 00:31:42,186
- Yes.
- 611
- 00:31:43,421 --> 00:31:46,121
- But then I realized
- that this is who Dan is
- 612
- 00:31:46,123 --> 00:31:48,058
- and that's why I love him.
- 613
- 00:31:48,060 --> 00:31:49,426
- That's why she loves me.
- 614
- 00:31:49,428 --> 00:31:50,660
- He's a lovable jackass.
- 615
- 00:31:50,662 --> 00:31:52,595
- My ass is very jacked.
- 616
- 00:31:54,399 --> 00:31:55,200
- Moving on!
- 617
- 00:31:56,535 --> 00:31:59,369
- Brandon, what is
- your biggest regret?
- 618
- 00:31:59,371 --> 00:32:01,604
- My choice of best friends.
- 619
- 00:32:01,606 --> 00:32:02,572
- I was just being honest.
- 620
- 00:32:02,574 --> 00:32:04,842
- I'm just being honest.
- 621
- 00:32:06,378 --> 00:32:09,044
- I guess maybe not
- visiting my grandpa enough
- 622
- 00:32:09,046 --> 00:32:10,315
- before he died.
- 623
- 00:32:11,451 --> 00:32:12,550
- He was living in
- this nursing home
- 624
- 00:32:12,552 --> 00:32:15,686
- like a mile from our house and,
- 625
- 00:32:15,688 --> 00:32:17,120
- I don't know, I
- guess I was too busy
- 626
- 00:32:17,122 --> 00:32:19,324
- being a teenager or something.
- 627
- 00:32:21,960 --> 00:32:25,161
- Anyway, I hope he forgave me.
- 628
- 00:32:25,163 --> 00:32:26,563
- Of course he did.
- 629
- 00:32:26,565 --> 00:32:28,433
- He knew you loved him.
- 630
- 00:32:43,683 --> 00:32:47,117
- Okay, I gonna say
- what we're all thinking.
- 631
- 00:32:47,119 --> 00:32:47,953
- Four-way.
- 632
- 00:32:49,054 --> 00:32:49,888
- Hey!
- 633
- 00:33:00,666 --> 00:33:03,667
- Hey, how come you never
- wear that necklace I gave you?
- 634
- 00:33:03,669 --> 00:33:05,469
- Don't you like it?
- 635
- 00:33:05,471 --> 00:33:06,404
- I love it.
- 636
- 00:33:06,406 --> 00:33:08,174
- I absolutely love it.
- 637
- 00:33:09,008 --> 00:33:10,741
- And you know what else I love?
- 638
- 00:33:10,743 --> 00:33:12,610
- That pretty little ass of yours.
- 639
- 00:33:15,548 --> 00:33:18,284
- You remember the three amigos?
- 640
- 00:33:23,089 --> 00:33:23,956
- Arriba!
- 641
- 00:33:24,725 --> 00:33:26,058
- Whoo!
- 642
- 00:33:36,602 --> 00:33:39,537
- Schweitzer Polizei Frau.
- 643
- 00:33:46,012 --> 00:33:47,579
- What are you working on?
- 644
- 00:33:47,581 --> 00:33:49,448
- Welfare application.
- 645
- 00:33:49,450 --> 00:33:51,049
- You?
- 646
- 00:33:51,051 --> 00:33:52,617
- Suicide note.
- 647
- 00:33:52,619 --> 00:33:53,687
- Touche.
- 648
- 00:33:55,222 --> 00:33:56,788
- You know, screw it!
- 649
- 00:33:56,790 --> 00:33:59,724
- I guess I'm gonna call
- that slimy prick Matthew
- 650
- 00:33:59,726 --> 00:34:01,326
- and see if he'll
- throw us a bone.
- 651
- 00:34:01,328 --> 00:34:03,697
- Oh man, that's gonna suck.
- 652
- 00:34:05,064 --> 00:34:06,598
- You just know he's gonna make
- you feel like a pathetic,
- 653
- 00:34:06,600 --> 00:34:09,099
- shit-eating failure.
- 654
- 00:34:09,101 --> 00:34:10,638
- I'll call for you.
- 655
- 00:34:12,640 --> 00:34:14,105
- I'm just so glad I found it.
- 656
- 00:34:14,107 --> 00:34:15,607
- I had to go to 10 different
- stores to find it,
- 657
- 00:34:15,609 --> 00:34:17,444
- and it cost $1,200.
- 658
- 00:34:18,278 --> 00:34:19,644
- Oh, at that price,
- 659
- 00:34:19,646 --> 00:34:20,779
- I think I would have
- just come clean.
- 660
- 00:34:20,781 --> 00:34:25,584
- Yeah, I wanted to but he
- spent so much money on it,
- 661
- 00:34:25,586 --> 00:34:29,187
- and, I don't know, he
- picked it out himself
- 662
- 00:34:29,189 --> 00:34:31,692
- which I think is very sweet, so.
- 663
- 00:34:34,094 --> 00:34:35,695
- So, you
- must be looking forward
- 664
- 00:34:35,697 --> 00:34:37,430
- to getting back to work, huh?
- 665
- 00:34:37,432 --> 00:34:40,833
- Yes, I'm so excited to be
- back in the classroom with kids.
- 666
- 00:34:40,835 --> 00:34:42,702
- It's gonna be nice to have
- income coming in, too.
- 667
- 00:34:42,704 --> 00:34:44,704
- Speaking of which,
- I was thinking
- 668
- 00:34:44,706 --> 00:34:46,438
- that we could start
- planning our honeymoon.
- 669
- 00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:49,241
- You know, maybe go
- on my spring break.
- 670
- 00:34:49,243 --> 00:34:51,578
- What do you think about Aruba?
- 671
- 00:34:53,280 --> 00:34:55,180
- Yeah, that's fine.
- 672
- 00:34:55,182 --> 00:34:58,751
- But what about
- Catalina Island, huh?
- 673
- 00:34:58,753 --> 00:35:02,788
- It's 26 miles across the
- sea, it is beautiful.
- 674
- 00:35:02,790 --> 00:35:06,859
- It's, uh, I mean, it's
- where Natalie Wood drowned.
- 675
- 00:35:06,861 --> 00:35:08,661
- Sounds romantic.
- 676
- 00:35:08,663 --> 00:35:10,229
- Hey, you know what?
- 677
- 00:35:10,231 --> 00:35:12,231
- I think we have to have
- a couple drinks tonight.
- 678
- 00:35:12,233 --> 00:35:13,098
- - Yeah?
- - To celebrate
- 679
- 00:35:13,100 --> 00:35:14,300
- your last couple
- of days of leisure.
- 680
- 00:35:14,302 --> 00:35:15,268
- What do you say?
- 681
- 00:35:15,270 --> 00:35:16,101
- I like that.
- 682
- 00:35:16,103 --> 00:35:17,436
- Let me do that.
- 683
- 00:35:17,438 --> 00:35:19,605
- All right, get out
- there, make me proud,
- 684
- 00:35:19,607 --> 00:35:22,076
- show me some of those tricks.
- 685
- 00:35:31,887 --> 00:35:33,720
- Achtung, ladies and gentlemen,
- 686
- 00:35:33,722 --> 00:35:38,391
- he's about to shame,
- bruise and soil himself.
- 687
- 00:35:42,363 --> 00:35:43,231
- Fuck!
- 688
- 00:35:54,376 --> 00:35:57,477
- Oh my god,
- Barndon, are you okay?
- 689
- 00:35:57,479 --> 00:36:00,547
- Yeah, yeah,
- no, I meant to do that.
- 690
- 00:36:00,549 --> 00:36:01,417
- Oh god.
- 691
- 00:36:11,594 --> 00:36:13,160
- Hey Brandon.
- 692
- 00:36:13,162 --> 00:36:14,661
- I brought you a little
- somethin' for the newlyweds.
- 693
- 00:36:14,663 --> 00:36:16,496
- Oh Mel, thank you.
- 694
- 00:36:16,498 --> 00:36:17,331
- Cheers.
- 695
- 00:36:17,333 --> 00:36:18,165
- Cheers.
- 696
- 00:36:18,167 --> 00:36:18,900
- Shots.
- 697
- 00:36:18,902 --> 00:36:20,567
- To all your lucky students.
- 698
- 00:36:20,569 --> 00:36:23,236
- To my sweet husband
- and all my bros and hoes.
- 699
- 00:36:23,238 --> 00:36:24,106
- Yeah!
- 700
- 00:36:25,007 --> 00:36:26,607
- Excuse me
- ladies and gentlemen,
- 701
- 00:36:26,609 --> 00:36:28,842
- can I get Charlotte
- Conroy on the dance floor?
- 702
- 00:36:28,844 --> 00:36:29,676
- What?
- 703
- 00:36:29,678 --> 00:36:30,711
- Did he say my name?
- 704
- 00:36:30,713 --> 00:36:31,545
- I guess.
- 705
- 00:36:31,547 --> 00:36:32,679
- What did you tell him?
- 706
- 00:36:32,681 --> 00:36:34,315
- Yeah, everyone, put your
- hands together right here,
- 707
- 00:36:34,317 --> 00:36:36,651
- Miss Charlotte, the
- dancing machine, Conroy,
- 708
- 00:36:36,653 --> 00:36:39,921
- salsa champion, world
- champion in the house tonight!
- 709
- 00:36:39,923 --> 00:36:40,755
- That's you.
- 710
- 00:36:40,757 --> 00:36:41,856
- What did you tell him?
- 711
- 00:36:41,858 --> 00:36:43,290
- I may have
- exaggerated a little.
- 712
- 00:36:43,292 --> 00:36:44,859
- I know you didn't wanna
- show off at the wedding
- 713
- 00:36:44,861 --> 00:36:46,694
- but now I get to see your stuff!
- 714
- 00:36:51,735 --> 00:36:52,601
- Yeah!
- 715
- 00:36:59,576 --> 00:37:00,842
- SCHWEITZER POLIZEI
- FRAU: And that is all
- 716
- 00:37:00,844 --> 00:37:03,444
- the salsa Charlotte knows,
- 717
- 00:37:03,446 --> 00:37:05,782
- but tragically, she dances on.
- 718
- 00:37:34,344 --> 00:37:36,344
- Well look who's here.
- 719
- 00:37:36,346 --> 00:37:39,480
- The asshole who almost
- smothered me to death.
- 720
- 00:37:39,482 --> 00:37:40,581
- Ashley?
- 721
- 00:37:40,583 --> 00:37:43,584
- You would still hang out
- here, you cheap bastard.
- 722
- 00:37:43,586 --> 00:37:44,752
- I'm just kidding.
- 723
- 00:37:44,754 --> 00:37:45,854
- I come here too.
- 724
- 00:37:45,856 --> 00:37:47,556
- Ashley, I am...
- 725
- 00:37:47,558 --> 00:37:50,728
- You, are not still
- mad at me, are you?
- 726
- 00:37:54,732 --> 00:37:59,467
- Okay, Charlotte, thank
- you, thank you very much.
- 727
- 00:37:59,469 --> 00:38:01,337
- Very interesting dance.
- 728
- 00:38:03,841 --> 00:38:05,273
- Hey, honey.
- 729
- 00:38:05,275 --> 00:38:06,742
- Who's your friend?
- 730
- 00:38:06,744 --> 00:38:07,743
- Ashley.
- 731
- 00:38:07,745 --> 00:38:10,579
- Charlotte, Charlotte Conroy.
- 732
- 00:38:10,581 --> 00:38:11,613
- Who's that, your sister?
- 733
- 00:38:11,615 --> 00:38:13,049
- No, his wife.
- 734
- 00:38:13,051 --> 00:38:16,351
- I'm sorry, you're married?
- 735
- 00:38:16,353 --> 00:38:17,486
- Since when?
- 736
- 00:38:17,488 --> 00:38:18,656
- Four days ago.
- 737
- 00:38:20,624 --> 00:38:23,792
- We used to date until he
- went all fainting goat on,
- 738
- 00:38:23,794 --> 00:38:25,627
- what the fuck?
- 739
- 00:38:25,629 --> 00:38:27,296
- That's my necklace!
- 740
- 00:38:27,298 --> 00:38:28,030
- Oh shit.
- 741
- 00:38:28,032 --> 00:38:29,064
- What the hell, Brandon?
- 742
- 00:38:29,066 --> 00:38:30,532
- Brandon?
- 743
- 00:38:30,534 --> 00:38:31,633
- Yeah, I left it at his place.
- 744
- 00:38:31,635 --> 00:38:32,968
- He never gave it back to me.
- 745
- 00:38:32,970 --> 00:38:34,473
- Is that true?
- 746
- 00:38:36,508 --> 00:38:37,507
- Told ya.
- 747
- 00:38:37,509 --> 00:38:39,508
- This isn't your necklace.
- 748
- 00:38:39,510 --> 00:38:40,442
- The hell it isn't.
- 749
- 00:38:40,444 --> 00:38:41,711
- Okay.
- 750
- 00:38:41,713 --> 00:38:42,812
- No, I
- think your necklace
- 751
- 00:38:42,814 --> 00:38:43,947
- I ground up in the
- garbage disposal.
- 752
- 00:38:43,949 --> 00:38:45,347
- Bullshit!
- 753
- 00:38:45,349 --> 00:38:46,750
- Listen,
- I was freaked out
- 754
- 00:38:46,752 --> 00:38:48,350
- because I found out my
- ex-fiance was getting married.
- 755
- 00:38:48,352 --> 00:38:49,318
- Ex-fiance?
- 756
- 00:38:49,320 --> 00:38:50,652
- Okay, like you have
- the right to speak,
- 757
- 00:38:50,654 --> 00:38:52,354
- you gave this skank's necklace!
- 758
- 00:38:52,356 --> 00:38:54,456
- Oh my god, this is hilarious.
- 759
- 00:38:54,458 --> 00:38:56,627
- You wanna know what I think?
- 760
- 00:39:00,465 --> 00:39:02,499
- You're not gonna do anything?
- 761
- 00:39:02,501 --> 00:39:03,368
- Stop!
- 762
- 00:39:06,104 --> 00:39:07,904
- Look at it this way,
- most women our age
- 763
- 00:39:07,906 --> 00:39:09,739
- have a lot of wear
- and tear on 'em
- 764
- 00:39:09,741 --> 00:39:11,541
- but you got her from
- the original owner.
- 765
- 00:39:11,543 --> 00:39:13,510
- She's in mint condition.
- 766
- 00:39:13,512 --> 00:39:15,779
- Anyway, you really trumped
- her on that necklace debacle.
- 767
- 00:39:15,781 --> 00:39:16,780
- What were you thinking?
- 768
- 00:39:16,782 --> 00:39:17,714
- I don't know, man.
- 769
- 00:39:17,716 --> 00:39:19,048
- Never the twain shall meet?
- 770
- 00:39:19,050 --> 00:39:22,452
- Okay, once, when
- Rita and I were married
- 771
- 00:39:22,454 --> 00:39:24,955
- for maybe two months, she
- asked me if this dress
- 772
- 00:39:24,957 --> 00:39:26,723
- she was wearing made
- her butt look big.
- 773
- 00:39:26,725 --> 00:39:29,093
- I told her, yes, but
- I like big butts.
- 774
- 00:39:29,095 --> 00:39:30,426
- You know, I'm a black man.
- 775
- 00:39:30,428 --> 00:39:31,761
- It nearly ruined us.
- 776
- 00:39:31,763 --> 00:39:33,630
- But it didn't.
- 777
- 00:39:33,632 --> 00:39:36,633
- It took some work and
- that's what you gotta do, man.
- 778
- 00:39:36,635 --> 00:39:38,968
- You gotta make some
- grand gesture, all right?
- 779
- 00:39:38,970 --> 00:39:41,404
- Something repentant and sweet.
- 780
- 00:39:41,406 --> 00:39:42,505
- Maybe a little pathetic
- thrown in there
- 781
- 00:39:42,507 --> 00:39:47,511
- and with any luck, it will
- all be forgotten about.
- 782
- 00:39:47,513 --> 00:39:48,781
- In a few years.
- 783
- 00:39:51,050 --> 00:39:51,918
- Come on.
- 784
- 00:39:57,824 --> 00:39:59,824
- God, it was so humiliating.
- 785
- 00:39:59,826 --> 00:40:01,058
- So you
- both screwed up.
- 786
- 00:40:01,060 --> 00:40:03,628
- You each take a
- gimme and move on.
- 787
- 00:40:04,764 --> 00:40:07,965
- I just got an email from him.
- 788
- 00:40:15,142 --> 00:40:17,543
- Oh my gosh, it's so sweet!
- 789
- 00:40:18,644 --> 00:40:20,044
- He just sent me
- the cutest apology.
- 790
- 00:40:20,046 --> 00:40:20,878
- See?
- 791
- 00:40:20,880 --> 00:40:22,613
- He's a peach.
- 792
- 00:40:22,615 --> 00:40:24,949
- Do something nice for him
- tonight, like really nice.
- 793
- 00:40:24,951 --> 00:40:26,584
- Did you get that
- link I sent you?
- 794
- 00:40:26,586 --> 00:40:28,152
- Oh, that site was nasty.
- 795
- 00:40:28,154 --> 00:40:29,689
- Exactly.
- 796
- 00:40:52,678 --> 00:40:53,978
- Not in the bedroom.
- 797
- 00:41:00,020 --> 00:41:00,852
- Lower.
- 798
- 00:41:10,530 --> 00:41:11,963
- This is ridiculous.
- 799
- 00:41:11,965 --> 00:41:13,732
- They've been making
- this racket for hours.
- 800
- 00:41:13,734 --> 00:41:15,834
- What the hell are
- they trying to prove?
- 801
- 00:41:16,703 --> 00:41:18,670
- Dan, maybe you
- should come to bed.
- 802
- 00:41:18,672 --> 00:41:21,039
- Yeah, yeah, in a minute.
- 803
- 00:41:40,827 --> 00:41:41,628
- Oh my god.
- 804
- 00:41:43,797 --> 00:41:45,800
- Oh, that was incredible.
- 805
- 00:41:47,001 --> 00:41:48,703
- Okay, I gotta pee.
- 806
- 00:42:05,552 --> 00:42:08,020
- I'm sure it's nothing serious.
- 807
- 00:42:08,022 --> 00:42:10,656
- You haven't had problems
- down their before, have you?
- 808
- 00:42:10,658 --> 00:42:11,526
- Never.
- 809
- 00:42:13,828 --> 00:42:15,930
- Brandon Conroy.
- 810
- 00:42:22,603 --> 00:42:23,803
- Hello Mr. Conroy.
- 811
- 00:42:23,805 --> 00:42:24,637
- Hi.
- 812
- 00:42:24,639 --> 00:42:25,905
- I'm Dr. Sahni.
- 813
- 00:42:25,907 --> 00:42:28,674
- Oh, yeah, I normally
- see Dr. Kurtzman?
- 814
- 00:42:28,676 --> 00:42:31,777
- Oh, he retired five
- or six months ago.
- 815
- 00:42:31,779 --> 00:42:33,947
- This is my first week.
- 816
- 00:42:33,949 --> 00:42:34,817
- Welcome.
- 817
- 00:42:35,684 --> 00:42:37,818
- So, what's the problem?
- 818
- 00:42:37,820 --> 00:42:41,554
- It's like someone took a
- sand blaster to my boom stick.
- 819
- 00:42:41,556 --> 00:42:43,125
- Let's have a look.
- 820
- 00:42:46,627 --> 00:42:47,662
- Oh my god.
- 821
- 00:42:48,663 --> 00:42:49,795
- This looks like something I saw
- 822
- 00:42:49,797 --> 00:42:51,797
- in my tropical disease seminar.
- 823
- 00:42:51,799 --> 00:42:53,133
- How long's it been like this?
- 824
- 00:42:53,135 --> 00:42:54,567
- Just since this morning.
- 825
- 00:42:54,569 --> 00:42:56,902
- And before that,
- was your penis normal
- 826
- 00:42:56,904 --> 00:42:59,675
- or has it always
- been disfigured?
- 827
- 00:43:00,709 --> 00:43:02,809
- Normal, it's normal.
- 828
- 00:43:02,811 --> 00:43:04,111
- Do you work with
- toxic chemicals?
- 829
- 00:43:04,113 --> 00:43:05,245
- No.
- 830
- 00:43:05,247 --> 00:43:06,346
- Have you recently spent
- time in the African bush?
- 831
- 00:43:06,348 --> 00:43:07,581
- No.
- 832
- 00:43:07,583 --> 00:43:09,583
- Have you had sex with any
- prostitutes from that region?
- 833
- 00:43:09,585 --> 00:43:10,350
- No!
- 834
- 00:43:10,352 --> 00:43:12,219
- Any exposure to monkey feces?
- 835
- 00:43:12,221 --> 00:43:13,720
- Monkey feces?
- 836
- 00:43:13,722 --> 00:43:15,789
- So, no interspecies
- intercourse?
- 837
- 00:43:15,791 --> 00:43:16,923
- Oh, for fuck, no!
- 838
- 00:43:16,925 --> 00:43:18,758
- Mr. Conroy, I'm
- going to need the names
- 839
- 00:43:18,760 --> 00:43:20,795
- of your sexual partners.
- 840
- 00:43:23,199 --> 00:43:25,899
- Get Dr. Palmer down here right
- away to look at Mr. Conroy.
- 841
- 00:43:25,901 --> 00:43:29,036
- We have a possible miasmic
- STD of unknown origin.
- 842
- 00:43:29,038 --> 00:43:30,704
- Is it that serious?
- 843
- 00:43:30,706 --> 00:43:33,274
- He's had sex with 21 women
- in the last four years.
- 844
- 00:43:33,276 --> 00:43:34,210
- Go, go, go.
- 845
- 00:43:36,945 --> 00:43:39,079
- I've never seen
- anything like this before.
- 846
- 00:43:39,081 --> 00:43:40,714
- It looks like a mix
- of genital herpes,
- 847
- 00:43:40,716 --> 00:43:42,816
- syphilis and a gun shot wound.
- 848
- 00:43:42,818 --> 00:43:45,287
- Maybe it's a mutant hybrid?
- 849
- 00:43:46,656 --> 00:43:47,922
- You ask him about money feces?
- 850
- 00:43:47,924 --> 00:43:49,893
- I did, and negative.
- 851
- 00:43:51,327 --> 00:43:52,960
- Sterile swab.
- 852
- 00:43:52,962 --> 00:43:54,228
- Whoa.
- 853
- 00:43:54,230 --> 00:43:55,963
- What's up with the swab?
- 854
- 00:43:55,965 --> 00:43:58,866
- I'm gonna insert this into
- your urethra, get a culture,
- 855
- 00:43:58,868 --> 00:44:00,234
- run a test and see
- if we can figure out
- 856
- 00:44:00,236 --> 00:44:02,702
- what's goin' on with you, okay?
- 857
- 00:44:02,704 --> 00:44:03,772
- 'Kay.
- 858
- 00:44:06,842 --> 00:44:07,709
- Hmm.
- 859
- 00:44:20,090 --> 00:44:21,656
- Oh god.
- 860
- 00:44:21,658 --> 00:44:22,356
- There we go.
- 861
- 00:44:22,358 --> 00:44:24,761
- That wasn't so bad, was it?
- 862
- 00:44:28,231 --> 00:44:30,098
- I'm so sorry.
- 863
- 00:44:30,100 --> 00:44:31,299
- It's okay, we got another one.
- 864
- 00:44:31,301 --> 00:44:32,733
- No that's good.
- 865
- 00:44:32,735 --> 00:44:34,103
- I'm sure that's fine.
- 866
- 00:44:34,105 --> 00:44:37,039
- Come on, the three
- second rule, right?
- 867
- 00:44:37,041 --> 00:44:40,042
- It's okay, let's try
- this again, shall we?
- 868
- 00:44:40,044 --> 00:44:41,078
- Please no.
- 869
- 00:44:55,459 --> 00:44:56,858
- Hey.
- 870
- 00:44:56,860 --> 00:44:59,194
- Oh sweetie, thank
- god you're here.
- 871
- 00:44:59,196 --> 00:45:00,896
- How you doing, honey?
- 872
- 00:45:00,898 --> 00:45:02,831
- They don't know what I have.
- 873
- 00:45:02,833 --> 00:45:05,367
- Oh, I'm sure
- everything will be okay
- 874
- 00:45:05,369 --> 00:45:07,436
- once they figure out
- which one of your 21 sluts
- 875
- 00:45:07,438 --> 00:45:09,171
- gave you the disease!
- 876
- 00:45:09,173 --> 00:45:11,874
- Whatever happened to
- quality over quantity?
- 877
- 00:45:11,876 --> 00:45:15,844
- The numbers don't matter,
- I always wore condoms.
- 878
- 00:45:15,846 --> 00:45:16,979
- Except with you.
- 879
- 00:45:16,981 --> 00:45:18,180
- Oh please!
- 880
- 00:45:18,182 --> 00:45:20,349
- I only slept with
- one man for 14 years.
- 881
- 00:45:20,351 --> 00:45:21,783
- But who did he
- sleep with, huh?
- 882
- 00:45:21,785 --> 00:45:23,921
- You're so full of shit!
- 883
- 00:45:25,123 --> 00:45:26,389
- I'm his wife!
- 884
- 00:45:26,391 --> 00:45:28,090
- Oh yes, I imagined so.
- 885
- 00:45:28,092 --> 00:45:29,758
- I'm Dr. Dietz, now let's see
- 886
- 00:45:29,760 --> 00:45:32,730
- what all this
- excitement's about.
- 887
- 00:45:34,198 --> 00:45:36,131
- You already checked for
- monkey feces, right?
- 888
- 00:45:36,133 --> 00:45:37,001
- I did.
- 889
- 00:45:44,408 --> 00:45:47,510
- Mr. Conroy, you have cystitis.
- 890
- 00:45:47,512 --> 00:45:48,478
- Oh god.
- 891
- 00:45:48,480 --> 00:45:49,379
- Shit.
- 892
- 00:45:49,381 --> 00:45:52,781
- Commonly known as
- honeymoon disease
- 893
- 00:45:52,783 --> 00:45:56,352
- from too much intense
- sexual activity.
- 894
- 00:45:56,354 --> 00:45:58,887
- You just need to give
- the little fellow a rest.
- 895
- 00:45:58,889 --> 00:46:01,391
- Avoid sex for four or five days.
- 896
- 00:46:01,393 --> 00:46:04,093
- Only touch it when
- absolutely necessary
- 897
- 00:46:04,095 --> 00:46:06,762
- and you'll be right
- as rain in no time.
- 898
- 00:46:06,764 --> 00:46:08,132
- Oh, thank god.
- 899
- 00:46:09,435 --> 00:46:11,134
- Oh, thank you.
- 900
- 00:46:11,136 --> 00:46:12,869
- You can put that down.
- 901
- 00:46:12,871 --> 00:46:15,271
- I'm sorry.
- 902
- 00:46:15,273 --> 00:46:16,906
- So, let me get this straight,
- 903
- 00:46:16,908 --> 00:46:20,544
- they swabbed your schlong
- twice, yet they didn't have to?
- 904
- 00:46:20,546 --> 00:46:22,045
- Yeah.
- 905
- 00:46:25,550 --> 00:46:29,988
- Oh boy, that is marriage
- in a nutshell, ain't it?
- 906
- 00:46:37,263 --> 00:46:40,064
- Mrs. Halvorsen, I was just
- getting ready for tomorrow.
- 907
- 00:46:40,066 --> 00:46:42,031
- I'm afraid there's a problem.
- 908
- 00:46:42,033 --> 00:46:44,801
- We just received your
- background check.
- 909
- 00:46:44,803 --> 00:46:47,204
- You were arrested for a felony.
- 910
- 00:46:47,206 --> 00:46:49,540
- But I received a
- deferred adjudication.
- 911
- 00:46:49,542 --> 00:46:51,007
- I wasn't convicted.
- 912
- 00:46:51,009 --> 00:46:53,410
- I was still able to
- teach in West Virginia.
- 913
- 00:46:53,412 --> 00:46:55,979
- Obviously we hold a
- higher standard here
- 914
- 00:46:55,981 --> 00:46:57,815
- at Van Nuys Christian.
- 915
- 00:46:57,817 --> 00:46:59,149
- I'm an excellent teacher,
- I've been teaching for...
- 916
- 00:46:59,151 --> 00:47:00,351
- I'm sorry.
- 917
- 00:47:00,353 --> 00:47:02,419
- Maybe if you hadn't
- been dishonest,
- 918
- 00:47:02,421 --> 00:47:05,522
- but we're going to have to
- terminate your contract.
- 919
- 00:47:05,524 --> 00:47:07,958
- I'm sorry, I
- didn't mean to lie,
- 920
- 00:47:07,960 --> 00:47:09,994
- I was just trying to
- make a good impression.
- 921
- 00:47:11,931 --> 00:47:13,464
- Don't apologize to me.
- 922
- 00:47:13,466 --> 00:47:15,067
- Apologize to Jesus.
- 923
- 00:47:48,635 --> 00:47:50,602
- You're still upset about
- what happened yesterday,
- 924
- 00:47:50,604 --> 00:47:51,403
- aren't you?
- 925
- 00:47:51,405 --> 00:47:52,939
- Yeah, I mean no.
- 926
- 00:47:56,443 --> 00:47:59,611
- Look, we've both
- make mistakes and,
- 927
- 00:47:59,613 --> 00:48:00,978
- I don't think we
- should judge each other
- 928
- 00:48:00,980 --> 00:48:03,348
- for things that
- happened before we met.
- 929
- 00:48:03,350 --> 00:48:05,650
- Yeah, no, I completely agree.
- 930
- 00:48:05,652 --> 00:48:10,121
- The past is the past and we
- should just be looking forward
- 931
- 00:48:10,123 --> 00:48:12,427
- to the road ahead together.
- 932
- 00:48:23,437 --> 00:48:26,840
- At least it's all
- out in the open now.
- 933
- 00:48:28,508 --> 00:48:30,342
- Look, I wanna tell you,
- 934
- 00:48:30,344 --> 00:48:31,877
- I need to tell you
- 935
- 00:48:33,914 --> 00:48:35,849
- that I agree 100%.
- 936
- 00:48:36,617 --> 00:48:37,485
- Good.
- 937
- 00:48:40,488 --> 00:48:41,654
- Oh, this is one of
- my favorite episodes.
- 938
- 00:48:41,656 --> 00:48:43,121
- Have you seen this one?
- 939
- 00:48:43,123 --> 00:48:44,390
- No.
- 940
- 00:48:44,392 --> 00:48:46,259
- Oh, this is classic.
- 941
- 00:49:01,676 --> 00:49:04,176
- Ah, I won a Golden Heidi
- 942
- 00:49:04,178 --> 00:49:05,613
- for that episode.
- 943
- 00:49:11,386 --> 00:49:13,154
- I'll be right back.
- 944
- 00:49:30,104 --> 00:49:32,238
- Hey, packed your
- lunch for you.
- 945
- 00:49:32,240 --> 00:49:35,575
- Oh my god, where
- did you find this?
- 946
- 00:49:35,577 --> 00:49:36,612
- I made it.
- 947
- 00:49:39,614 --> 00:49:41,482
- Knock 'em dead, honey.
- 948
- 00:49:57,599 --> 00:49:59,699
- I feel like such
- a scam artist.
- 949
- 00:49:59,701 --> 00:50:02,469
- I'm not built for this
- kind of deception.
- 950
- 00:50:02,471 --> 00:50:04,704
- Okay well, why don't you just
- find another job real quick
- 951
- 00:50:04,706 --> 00:50:07,607
- and then tell Brandon
- you got a better offer?
- 952
- 00:50:07,609 --> 00:50:09,309
- Finding one's not the problem.
- 953
- 00:50:09,311 --> 00:50:12,345
- I got an interview at 12, I
- just, I mean what's the point?
- 954
- 00:50:12,347 --> 00:50:14,114
- They'll just vet me too.
- 955
- 00:50:14,116 --> 00:50:17,551
- No one's gonna let a low down
- ex-con near their children.
- 956
- 00:50:17,553 --> 00:50:18,618
- Hmm.
- 957
- 00:50:18,620 --> 00:50:20,053
- Oh, I got it!
- 958
- 00:50:20,055 --> 00:50:22,556
- Okay, your middle
- name is Lauren, right?
- 959
- 00:50:22,558 --> 00:50:26,259
- So why don't you spell it
- L-A-U-R-A-N instead of E-N
- 960
- 00:50:26,261 --> 00:50:28,261
- and then your record
- won't come up.
- 961
- 00:50:28,263 --> 00:50:29,763
- Would that really work?
- 962
- 00:50:29,765 --> 00:50:30,697
- I don't know.
- 963
- 00:50:30,699 --> 00:50:32,699
- What have you got to lose?
- 964
- 00:50:32,701 --> 00:50:33,734
- You know what?
- 965
- 00:50:33,736 --> 00:50:34,769
- Nothing, you're right.
- 966
- 00:50:34,771 --> 00:50:36,237
- You're absolutely right.
- 967
- 00:50:36,239 --> 00:50:39,676
- Thank you so much,
- you're a total genius.
- 968
- 00:50:42,345 --> 00:50:43,811
- My car won't start.
- 969
- 00:50:43,813 --> 00:50:45,613
- Okay, why don't you just
- call Brandon real quick
- 970
- 00:50:45,615 --> 00:50:46,179
- and then ask him...
- 971
- 00:50:46,181 --> 00:50:47,147
- I can't call Brandon
- 972
- 00:50:47,149 --> 00:50:48,281
- and ask him to take
- me to a job interview
- 973
- 00:50:48,283 --> 00:50:50,050
- when I'm supposed to be in
- a job that I already have!
- 974
- 00:50:50,052 --> 00:50:50,685
- Goodbye!
- 975
- 00:50:50,687 --> 00:50:51,721
- Shit.
- 976
- 00:50:53,690 --> 00:50:55,288
- Shit.
- 977
- 00:50:59,262 --> 00:51:00,094
- Hey, Charlotte.
- 978
- 00:51:00,096 --> 00:51:00,997
- Hey, Dan.
- 979
- 00:51:04,701 --> 00:51:05,733
- Bye, Dan.
- 980
- 00:51:05,735 --> 00:51:06,603
- Bye.
- 981
- 00:51:20,082 --> 00:51:23,654
- No, no, no, no, no,
- no, no, no, no, no, no!
- 982
- 00:51:25,623 --> 00:51:26,690
- Goddammit!
- 983
- 00:51:40,603 --> 00:51:43,671
- Eight years
- teaching first grade.
- 984
- 00:51:43,673 --> 00:51:46,608
- Volunteer for the Red Cross.
- 985
- 00:51:46,610 --> 00:51:49,313
- Girl Scout camp summer leader.
- 986
- 00:51:50,714 --> 00:51:52,781
- Oh, you went to UWV!
- 987
- 00:51:52,783 --> 00:51:54,148
- Yeah.
- 988
- 00:51:54,150 --> 00:51:55,217
- Proud Mountaineer here!
- 989
- 00:51:55,219 --> 00:51:56,150
- You too?
- 990
- 00:51:56,152 --> 00:51:56,785
- Teal pride.
- 991
- 00:52:03,694 --> 00:52:05,761
- Oh, is Professor
- Vassic still there?
- 992
- 00:52:05,763 --> 00:52:08,897
- Oh yes, I loved
- him, he was amazing.
- 993
- 00:52:08,899 --> 00:52:12,702
- Well, then I know you
- have an excellent education.
- 994
- 00:52:12,704 --> 00:52:13,602
- Actually Mrs. Newton,
- 995
- 00:52:13,604 --> 00:52:16,640
- there's something
- I need to tell you.
- 996
- 00:52:18,442 --> 00:52:19,876
- Hey, Brandon.
- 997
- 00:52:19,878 --> 00:52:20,844
- Hey, bro.
- 998
- 00:52:23,747 --> 00:52:26,615
- Look, there's no easy
- way to say this, man.
- 999
- 00:52:26,617 --> 00:52:28,650
- A senior project
- manager over at Plan C
- 1000
- 00:52:28,652 --> 00:52:29,885
- is moving to London,
- 1001
- 00:52:29,887 --> 00:52:33,358
- so Matthew called and
- offered me the job.
- 1002
- 00:52:36,160 --> 00:52:37,192
- What can I say, man?
- 1003
- 00:52:37,194 --> 00:52:38,795
- I'm a weasel.
- 1004
- 00:52:38,797 --> 00:52:41,633
- I'm a weasel and I'm a sellout.
- 1005
- 00:52:42,801 --> 00:52:44,301
- Well, thanks.
- 1006
- 00:52:45,469 --> 00:52:46,836
- No bullshit, I fought for you.
- 1007
- 00:52:46,838 --> 00:52:48,370
- I swear, man.
- 1008
- 00:52:48,372 --> 00:52:49,540
- Look, I'm old.
- 1009
- 00:52:50,608 --> 00:52:52,742
- I got alimony
- payments up the wang.
- 1010
- 00:52:52,744 --> 00:52:54,710
- You can still use the
- office, if you want.
- 1011
- 00:52:54,712 --> 00:52:57,382
- Nah, it's your garage and all.
- 1012
- 00:53:01,786 --> 00:53:06,625
- Yeah, and so, I just wanted
- to be completely up front.
- 1013
- 00:53:07,759 --> 00:53:09,559
- I appreciate your
- candor, Charlotte.
- 1014
- 00:53:09,561 --> 00:53:12,228
- And I'd like to think we're
- a little more forgiving
- 1015
- 00:53:12,230 --> 00:53:16,733
- than the Christians over at
- Van Nuys Christian School.
- 1016
- 00:53:16,735 --> 00:53:18,837
- So, I'll get back to you.
- 1017
- 00:53:36,488 --> 00:53:39,624
- Oh, no, no, no,
- no, no, no, no, no!
- 1018
- 00:53:42,227 --> 00:53:46,265
- Hi, I need to report a
- stolen, or a missing car.
- 1019
- 00:53:47,333 --> 00:53:49,201
- I don't know where is,
- 1020
- 00:53:51,237 --> 00:53:53,236
- I don't know the
- license plate number.
- 1021
- 00:53:53,238 --> 00:53:56,573
- Look, it's a Mustang,
- it's really old.
- 1022
- 00:53:56,575 --> 00:53:58,609
- There can't be
- that many of them.
- 1023
- 00:53:58,611 --> 00:54:00,711
- Look, I was really hoping
- you can help me find this car
- 1024
- 00:54:00,713 --> 00:54:03,981
- before my husband finds
- out that it's missing.
- 1025
- 00:54:06,686 --> 00:54:09,689
- Oh, my god.
- 1026
- 00:54:11,858 --> 00:54:13,759
- Call Brandon Conroy.
- 1027
- 00:54:20,700 --> 00:54:22,433
- Yeah.
- 1028
- 00:54:22,435 --> 00:54:23,767
- No, stop, stop!
- 1029
- 00:54:23,769 --> 00:54:24,802
- No, please stop, stop!
- 1030
- 00:54:24,804 --> 00:54:25,736
- Hey!
- 1031
- 00:54:25,738 --> 00:54:27,640
- Charlotte, are you okay?
- 1032
- 00:54:28,974 --> 00:54:29,842
- Charlotte!
- 1033
- 00:54:30,676 --> 00:54:32,678
- Charlotte, Charlotte!
- 1034
- 00:54:33,647 --> 00:54:34,715
- Dan.
- 1035
- 00:54:36,683 --> 00:54:37,949
- Dan, something
- horrible has happened.
- 1036
- 00:54:37,951 --> 00:54:38,883
- What?
- 1037
- 00:54:38,885 --> 00:54:40,518
- Brandon's Mustang was stolen!
- 1038
- 00:54:40,520 --> 00:54:41,553
- No, not the Mustang!
- 1039
- 00:54:41,555 --> 00:54:44,421
- Yeah, he is gonna be furious.
- 1040
- 00:54:44,423 --> 00:54:45,589
- Did you call the police?
- 1041
- 00:54:45,591 --> 00:54:47,826
- Yes and when I didn't know
- the license plate number,
- 1042
- 00:54:47,828 --> 00:54:49,359
- they just laughed at me.
- 1043
- 00:54:49,361 --> 00:54:51,029
- Do you happen to
- know the number?
- 1044
- 00:54:51,031 --> 00:54:52,463
- Yes, I do.
- 1045
- 00:54:53,666 --> 00:54:55,799
- Why does he have that
- stupid car anyways?
- 1046
- 00:54:55,801 --> 00:54:56,969
- But I thought you loved it.
- 1047
- 00:54:56,971 --> 00:54:59,704
- Yeah, I mean it's fun to
- cruise around in sometimes
- 1048
- 00:54:59,706 --> 00:55:01,773
- but I mean come on,
- it's ridiculous.
- 1049
- 00:55:01,775 --> 00:55:03,641
- It's just some
- loud, gas guzzling,
- 1050
- 00:55:03,643 --> 00:55:07,347
- middle-aged-mobile for
- men with tiny dicks.
- 1051
- 00:55:08,749 --> 00:55:10,249
- Come with me.
- 1052
- 00:55:15,989 --> 00:55:19,391
- Charlotte Conroy,
- I need to see her!
- 1053
- 00:55:21,629 --> 00:55:23,696
- Oh my god, they
- brought it back.
- 1054
- 00:55:23,698 --> 00:55:25,998
- No, I had a GPS tracker on it.
- 1055
- 00:55:26,000 --> 00:55:29,734
- Oh my god, oh my god, Dan,
- thank you, thank you so much.
- 1056
- 00:55:29,736 --> 00:55:31,738
- You totally saved my life!
- 1057
- 00:55:32,739 --> 00:55:34,039
- Wait, why do you have a...
- 1058
- 00:55:34,041 --> 00:55:35,774
- It's mine, it's
- mine, Charlotte.
- 1059
- 00:55:35,776 --> 00:55:36,674
- It's always been mine.
- 1060
- 00:55:36,676 --> 00:55:38,777
- It wasn't stolen, I
- just took it back.
- 1061
- 00:55:38,779 --> 00:55:40,378
- But the car
- belongs to Brandon.
- 1062
- 00:55:40,380 --> 00:55:41,813
- No, it doesn't.
- 1063
- 00:55:41,815 --> 00:55:43,548
- He borrowed it from me.
- 1064
- 00:55:43,550 --> 00:55:46,385
- I guess he was trying
- to impress you.
- 1065
- 00:55:46,387 --> 00:55:47,853
- Why would that impress me?
- 1066
- 00:55:47,855 --> 00:55:51,457
- I don't know, maybe because
- it makes him look cool
- 1067
- 00:55:51,459 --> 00:55:53,893
- and a little less broke.
- 1068
- 00:55:53,895 --> 00:55:55,060
- Brandon is broke?
- 1069
- 00:55:55,062 --> 00:55:58,798
- I shouldn't say
- anything, I'm so sorry.
- 1070
- 00:55:58,800 --> 00:55:59,732
- He's worse than broke.
- 1071
- 00:55:59,734 --> 00:56:02,367
- He's in debt, calamitous,
- crushing debt!
- 1072
- 00:56:02,369 --> 00:56:04,569
- You know what, you know, I'm
- glad I'm saying something,
- 1073
- 00:56:04,571 --> 00:56:06,972
- this is for his own good.
- 1074
- 00:56:06,974 --> 00:56:08,375
- I feel better.
- 1075
- 00:56:10,745 --> 00:56:13,079
- Charlotte no
- longer works here.
- 1076
- 00:56:13,081 --> 00:56:13,913
- What?
- 1077
- 00:56:13,915 --> 00:56:15,381
- We had to let her go.
- 1078
- 00:56:15,383 --> 00:56:17,550
- She has a felony for
- assault and battery.
- 1079
- 00:56:17,552 --> 00:56:18,884
- It's shocking that
- someone so well-mannered
- 1080
- 00:56:18,886 --> 00:56:20,788
- could be so vicious.
- 1081
- 00:56:50,085 --> 00:56:50,953
- Hey.
- 1082
- 00:56:51,954 --> 00:56:52,820
- Hey.
- 1083
- 00:56:57,793 --> 00:57:01,962
- Hey, what was up with
- that phone call today?
- 1084
- 00:57:01,964 --> 00:57:05,901
- Oh, sorry, someone
- almost backed into my car.
- 1085
- 00:57:07,669 --> 00:57:08,537
- Oh.
- 1086
- 00:57:09,504 --> 00:57:10,470
- But you're okay now?
- 1087
- 00:57:10,472 --> 00:57:11,137
- Oh yeah.
- 1088
- 00:57:11,139 --> 00:57:12,839
- Oh.
- 1089
- 00:57:12,841 --> 00:57:14,007
- Yeah.
- 1090
- 00:57:14,009 --> 00:57:15,409
- That's good.
- 1091
- 00:57:16,645 --> 00:57:17,813
- So how was work?
- 1092
- 00:57:18,714 --> 00:57:21,082
- Good day with all the kids?
- 1093
- 00:57:21,084 --> 00:57:22,484
- Yeah, great.
- 1094
- 00:57:23,219 --> 00:57:24,819
- How about you?
- 1095
- 00:57:24,821 --> 00:57:26,455
- Make lots of money?
- 1096
- 00:57:27,723 --> 00:57:28,790
- Yeah.
- 1097
- 00:57:30,459 --> 00:57:31,660
- That's good.
- 1098
- 00:57:37,666 --> 00:57:39,532
- By the way, your Aunt
- Sallie Mae wrote.
- 1099
- 00:57:39,534 --> 00:57:41,670
- She'd like her $56,000 back.
- 1100
- 00:57:46,943 --> 00:57:49,176
- Why are you going
- through my mail?
- 1101
- 00:57:49,178 --> 00:57:51,846
- Well, don't you
- mean our mail, dear?
- 1102
- 00:57:51,848 --> 00:57:53,681
- We're married and
- we share everything.
- 1103
- 00:57:53,683 --> 00:57:55,683
- Including a butt-load of debt.
- 1104
- 00:57:55,685 --> 00:57:57,251
- Huh, you wanna share?
- 1105
- 00:57:57,253 --> 00:57:59,586
- Okay, let's share.
- 1106
- 00:57:59,588 --> 00:58:02,823
- Tell me all about the felony
- you committed, darling.
- 1107
- 00:58:02,825 --> 00:58:04,058
- What?
- 1108
- 00:58:04,060 --> 00:58:07,861
- You know, the thing
- you lost your job over.
- 1109
- 00:58:07,863 --> 00:58:08,863
- You don't understand.
- 1110
- 00:58:08,865 --> 00:58:09,864
- No, I think I do.
- 1111
- 00:58:09,866 --> 00:58:10,831
- Assault and battery.
- 1112
- 00:58:10,833 --> 00:58:11,933
- It's right there in the title.
- 1113
- 00:58:11,935 --> 00:58:13,000
- Pretty self-explanatory.
- 1114
- 00:58:13,002 --> 00:58:14,236
- It was my ex-fiance.
- 1115
- 00:58:14,238 --> 00:58:16,037
- Oh, well that should
- help me sleep at night.
- 1116
- 00:58:16,039 --> 00:58:17,840
- It was an accident!
- 1117
- 00:58:18,942 --> 00:58:21,809
- And you know what,
- I wasn't convicted.
- 1118
- 00:58:21,811 --> 00:58:25,179
- And at least I paid my debt
- to society, unlike you.
- 1119
- 00:58:25,181 --> 00:58:27,715
- Student loans aren't a crime.
- 1120
- 00:58:27,717 --> 00:58:29,617
- They are if you
- don't pay them!
- 1121
- 00:58:29,619 --> 00:58:31,185
- Whoa, please don't
- stab me with your shiv.
- 1122
- 00:58:31,187 --> 00:58:33,855
- They'll send you back to
- the joint, sweetheart.
- 1123
- 00:58:33,857 --> 00:58:37,726
- At least there, you
- know who people are.
- 1124
- 00:58:37,728 --> 00:58:39,828
- Then why don't
- you call the warden
- 1125
- 00:58:39,830 --> 00:58:41,797
- and get your old bunk back.
- 1126
- 00:58:41,799 --> 00:58:44,699
- I have let a
- lot of shit slide.
- 1127
- 00:58:44,701 --> 00:58:45,968
- Like what?
- 1128
- 00:58:45,970 --> 00:58:48,769
- You don't know the
- first thing about cooking.
- 1129
- 00:58:48,771 --> 00:58:49,837
- Philip Seymour Hoffman
- 1130
- 00:58:49,839 --> 00:58:52,573
- is not the quarterback
- of the San Diego Chargers
- 1131
- 00:58:52,575 --> 00:58:54,942
- and you, sir, are
- no Lance Armstrong.
- 1132
- 00:58:54,944 --> 00:58:55,876
- Three words.
- 1133
- 00:58:55,878 --> 00:58:58,247
- Salsa, dancing, champion.
- 1134
- 00:58:58,249 --> 00:59:00,582
- Oh, and how long did you think
- 1135
- 00:59:00,584 --> 00:59:03,986
- that you could pretend
- that stupid car was yours?
- 1136
- 00:59:03,988 --> 00:59:05,721
- Goddamn, Dan!
- 1137
- 00:59:05,723 --> 00:59:06,922
- And the worst part,
- 1138
- 00:59:06,924 --> 00:59:09,725
- the worst part is that you
- make made me look like a idiot
- 1139
- 00:59:09,727 --> 00:59:10,959
- in front of Dan and Rita.
- 1140
- 00:59:10,961 --> 00:59:13,895
- Like the only friends that I
- have in this miserable place.
- 1141
- 00:59:13,897 --> 00:59:15,897
- Hey, you make me
- look like an idiot too.
- 1142
- 00:59:15,899 --> 00:59:17,065
- I didn't know who I married.
- 1143
- 00:59:17,067 --> 00:59:19,700
- Are you this sweet
- adorable school teacher
- 1144
- 00:59:19,702 --> 00:59:22,771
- or a deranged grifter
- come to ruin my life?
- 1145
- 00:59:22,773 --> 00:59:24,240
- Well, if you
- really feel that way,
- 1146
- 00:59:24,242 --> 00:59:27,110
- then maybe, maybe, maybe
- we should both admit
- 1147
- 00:59:27,112 --> 00:59:29,312
- that we made a mistake
- and then just split ways!
- 1148
- 00:59:29,314 --> 00:59:30,346
- You know what,
- maybe we should!
- 1149
- 00:59:30,348 --> 00:59:31,180
- Yeah?
- 1150
- 00:59:31,182 --> 00:59:32,014
- Yeah!
- 1151
- 00:59:32,016 --> 00:59:32,848
- Yeah!
- 1152
- 00:59:32,850 --> 00:59:33,715
- Fine!
- 1153
- 00:59:33,717 --> 00:59:34,750
- Fine!
- 1154
- 00:59:34,752 --> 00:59:35,619
- Fine!
- 1155
- 00:59:38,055 --> 00:59:40,722
- How long
- you two been hitched?
- 1156
- 00:59:40,724 --> 00:59:42,290
- BRANDON AND
- CHARLOTTE: 10 days.
- 1157
- 00:59:42,292 --> 00:59:43,160
- 10 days?
- 1158
- 00:59:44,863 --> 00:59:47,163
- Are you celebrities
- of some sort?
- 1159
- 00:59:47,165 --> 00:59:48,164
- No.
- 1160
- 00:59:48,166 --> 00:59:49,632
- Peculiar.
- 1161
- 00:59:49,634 --> 00:59:51,134
- So, how do we get
- this thing started?
- 1162
- 00:59:51,136 --> 00:59:52,769
- First of all, let me be clear,
- 1163
- 00:59:52,771 --> 00:59:54,804
- I'm actin' as a
- neutral third party
- 1164
- 00:59:54,806 --> 00:59:57,940
- helpin' to negotiate
- a fair settlement.
- 1165
- 00:59:57,942 --> 00:59:59,842
- There's nothing to negotiate.
- 1166
- 00:59:59,844 --> 01:00:01,643
- We're in complete
- divorce agreement.
- 1167
- 01:00:01,645 --> 01:00:03,946
- That's the only thing
- we're in agreement on.
- 1168
- 01:00:03,948 --> 01:00:06,015
- Fair enough, I'll
- draw up the contract
- 1169
- 01:00:06,017 --> 01:00:08,918
- and y'all can come back
- next Thursday and sign it.
- 1170
- 01:00:08,920 --> 01:00:09,919
- Thursday?
- 1171
- 01:00:09,921 --> 01:00:11,355
- Why not today?
- 1172
- 01:00:11,357 --> 01:00:13,756
- Don't you have some
- generic forms lyin' around,
- 1173
- 01:00:13,758 --> 01:00:15,325
- akumenang.com
- 1174
- 01:00:15,327 --> 01:00:16,694
- Generic forms?
- 1175
- 01:00:17,996 --> 01:00:20,797
- Every divorce is unique.
- 1176
- 01:00:20,799 --> 01:00:24,803
- Regardless of race, religion
- or sexual preference.
- 1177
- 01:00:25,870 --> 01:00:27,870
- Now how would you
- like to handle my fee?
- 1178
- 01:00:27,872 --> 01:00:29,072
- We'll split it.
- 1179
- 01:00:29,074 --> 01:00:32,709
- You got that much or do
- you need to get another loan?
- 1180
- 01:00:32,711 --> 01:00:36,681
- You're sure Thursday's
- the best you can do?
- 1181
- 01:00:40,219 --> 01:00:42,054
- So, where you staying?
- 1182
- 01:00:44,390 --> 01:00:45,788
- What?
- 1183
- 01:00:45,790 --> 01:00:46,923
- It's my apartment.
- 1184
- 01:00:46,925 --> 01:00:50,294
- I gave up my job, my home
- and best friend for you.
- 1185
- 01:00:50,296 --> 01:00:53,263
- I'm not leaving the apartment
- and I'm not paying you rent.
- 1186
- 01:00:53,265 --> 01:00:57,267
- Well, you'd better start
- cooking or cleaning or,
- 1187
- 01:00:57,269 --> 01:00:58,168
- doing something.
- 1188
- 01:00:58,170 --> 01:00:59,803
- Asshole!
- 1189
- 01:00:59,805 --> 01:01:01,240
- And your car sucks!
- 1190
- 01:01:36,343 --> 01:01:37,741
- I'm so sorry Char.
- 1191
- 01:01:37,743 --> 01:01:39,343
- Men are such turds.
- 1192
- 01:02:02,035 --> 01:02:04,001
- So, then you wanna
- subtract the top number
- 1193
- 01:02:04,003 --> 01:02:06,504
- from the other one
- you got right there.
- 1194
- 01:02:06,506 --> 01:02:07,372
- Okay.
- 1195
- 01:02:07,374 --> 01:02:08,940
- You go it!
- 1196
- 01:02:08,942 --> 01:02:10,645
- Awesome, good job!
- 1197
- 01:02:44,178 --> 01:02:47,513
- Have a great
- day in your work.
- 1198
- 01:02:47,515 --> 01:02:48,382
- Love you.
- 1199
- 01:02:59,860 --> 01:03:01,896
- No, I haven't done much
- 1200
- 01:03:03,030 --> 01:03:06,198
- any animated porn but
- I am a fast learner
- 1201
- 01:03:06,200 --> 01:03:08,467
- and I love animation,
- 1202
- 01:03:08,469 --> 01:03:10,238
- and porn, so win-win.
- 1203
- 01:03:11,539 --> 01:03:13,372
- Okay, well please
- keep me in mind.
- 1204
- 01:03:13,374 --> 01:03:14,506
- Thank you.
- 1205
- 01:03:20,482 --> 01:03:22,115
- Surprise!
- 1206
- 01:03:22,117 --> 01:03:23,250
- Happy Birthday!
- 1207
- 01:03:23,252 --> 01:03:25,918
- Happy birthday, son!
- 1208
- 01:03:25,920 --> 01:03:28,022
- Wow, I didn't expect...
- 1209
- 01:03:29,424 --> 01:03:30,823
- How's the Antarctica?
- 1210
- 01:03:30,825 --> 01:03:31,824
- Amazing!
- 1211
- 01:03:31,826 --> 01:03:33,058
- Your mother was the hero.
- 1212
- 01:03:33,060 --> 01:03:35,894
- She devised a scheme to foul
- the prop on the Nisshin Maru.
- 1213
- 01:03:35,896 --> 01:03:37,029
- And your father
- was shot in the balls
- 1214
- 01:03:37,031 --> 01:03:39,098
- by one of the
- Japanese deckhands.
- 1215
- 01:03:39,100 --> 01:03:40,199
- With a rubber bullet.
- 1216
- 01:03:40,201 --> 01:03:41,967
- It swelled up like coconuts.
- 1217
- 01:03:41,969 --> 01:03:44,571
- I've got a lovely
- bunch of coconuts.
- 1218
- 01:03:44,573 --> 01:03:45,872
- Lookin' good boy.
- 1219
- 01:03:45,874 --> 01:03:47,173
- So good to see you.
- 1220
- 01:03:47,175 --> 01:03:49,211
- Yeah, so good.
- 1221
- 01:03:57,586 --> 01:03:58,585
- Hey, what'd you tell them?
- 1222
- 01:03:58,587 --> 01:03:59,586
- About what?
- 1223
- 01:03:59,588 --> 01:04:01,388
- About us, about the divorce.
- 1224
- 01:04:01,390 --> 01:04:02,455
- When?
- 1225
- 01:04:02,457 --> 01:04:03,390
- They haven't stopped
- talking since they got here.
- 1226
- 01:04:03,392 --> 01:04:04,559
- Oh, thank god.
- 1227
- 01:04:05,893 --> 01:04:07,159
- You're gonna
- have to tell them.
- 1228
- 01:04:07,161 --> 01:04:09,363
- Well, not tonight,
- it's my birthday.
- 1229
- 01:04:09,365 --> 01:04:10,864
- Plus it's humiliating.
- 1230
- 01:04:10,866 --> 01:04:12,299
- They're marriage
- has lasted 32 years
- 1231
- 01:04:12,301 --> 01:04:16,936
- and ours lasted about as
- long as a Hobbit movie.
- 1232
- 01:04:16,938 --> 01:04:18,539
- Happy birthday, son.
- 1233
- 01:04:18,541 --> 01:04:22,075
- My charitable works
- continue, I see.
- 1234
- 01:04:22,077 --> 01:04:23,610
- What's this?
- 1235
- 01:04:23,612 --> 01:04:27,547
- Two tickets to Tahiti for an
- all inclusive stay at Brando.
- 1236
- 01:04:27,549 --> 01:04:29,649
- It's a luxury eco-resort.
- 1237
- 01:04:29,651 --> 01:04:33,054
- I could have been a contender.
- 1238
- 01:04:33,056 --> 01:04:34,555
- Because my boy and
- his beautiful bride
- 1239
- 01:04:34,557 --> 01:04:39,095
- deserve the absolute best
- honeymoon the money can buy.
- 1240
- 01:04:40,663 --> 01:04:41,595
- Speaking of honeymoons,
- 1241
- 01:04:41,597 --> 01:04:43,897
- you know your father
- and I are undergoing
- 1242
- 01:04:43,899 --> 01:04:46,032
- a bit of a second one right now.
- 1243
- 01:04:46,034 --> 01:04:48,469
- Let's just say, we're
- experiencing a refreshed sense
- 1244
- 01:04:48,471 --> 01:04:50,571
- of sexual energy.
- 1245
- 01:04:50,573 --> 01:04:53,406
- Exploring our aging bodies.
- 1246
- 01:04:53,408 --> 01:04:56,946
- So many delicious new
- cavities to explore.
- 1247
- 01:04:59,482 --> 01:05:00,981
- Well, it's a very
- thoughtful gift
- 1248
- 01:05:00,983 --> 01:05:03,918
- and I thank you very much.
- 1249
- 01:05:03,920 --> 01:05:05,453
- It's thoughtful,
- isn't it, Charlotte?
- 1250
- 01:05:05,455 --> 01:05:07,955
- Yeah, yeah, thank you so much.
- 1251
- 01:05:07,957 --> 01:05:09,390
- Okay, let's have a photo.
- 1252
- 01:05:09,392 --> 01:05:11,160
- Hold up your present.
- 1253
- 01:05:14,297 --> 01:05:16,330
- This isn't the Middle
- East peace talks.
- 1254
- 01:05:16,332 --> 01:05:17,567
- How about a kiss?
- 1255
- 01:05:23,374 --> 01:05:24,241
- Lovely.
- 1256
- 01:05:37,588 --> 01:05:40,988
- I'm sensing a little
- bit of disharmony.
- 1257
- 01:05:40,990 --> 01:05:42,656
- I'm sorry, I'm
- just feeling a bit...
- 1258
- 01:05:42,658 --> 01:05:45,427
- Yeah, I know, is it Brandon?
- 1259
- 01:05:45,429 --> 01:05:46,595
- You know, because
- he's a sweet boy
- 1260
- 01:05:46,597 --> 01:05:48,730
- but he can also be a
- massive pain in the ass.
- 1261
- 01:05:48,732 --> 01:05:50,401
- Trust me, I know.
- 1262
- 01:05:51,969 --> 01:05:52,634
- It's not just him.
- 1263
- 01:05:52,636 --> 01:05:54,736
- It's just that we,
- 1264
- 01:05:54,738 --> 01:05:58,707
- you know, we both weren't as
- honest as we should have been.
- 1265
- 01:05:58,709 --> 01:05:59,576
- Ah.
- 1266
- 01:06:02,446 --> 01:06:05,649
- Well, I remember
- when Jerry and I met.
- 1267
- 01:06:06,750 --> 01:06:10,586
- He thought I was a
- democrat and a virgin.
- 1268
- 01:06:11,523 --> 01:06:15,090
- The truth is, I was
- in love with Reagan
- 1269
- 01:06:15,092 --> 01:06:18,661
- and I'd slept with half the
- boys in the neighborhood.
- 1270
- 01:06:18,663 --> 01:06:20,462
- So, you?
- 1271
- 01:06:20,464 --> 01:06:24,766
- Well, I told him what I
- thought he wanted to hear
- 1272
- 01:06:24,768 --> 01:06:27,769
- which was not the truth, I...
- 1273
- 01:06:27,771 --> 01:06:28,703
- You...
- 1274
- 01:06:28,705 --> 01:06:31,241
- Lied, yes, guilty as charged.
- 1275
- 01:06:32,377 --> 01:06:36,245
- But when I met him, I
- knew he was special.
- 1276
- 01:06:36,247 --> 01:06:40,616
- So all of this nonsense just
- came babbling out of me.
- 1277
- 01:06:40,618 --> 01:06:42,552
- And how did you?
- 1278
- 01:06:42,554 --> 01:06:45,020
- I eventually found the courage
- 1279
- 01:06:45,022 --> 01:06:49,059
- to tell him what was in
- my head and in my heart.
- 1280
- 01:06:50,394 --> 01:06:52,595
- And that's been the
- glue of our relationship
- 1281
- 01:06:52,597 --> 01:06:55,096
- from that day forward.
- 1282
- 01:06:55,098 --> 01:06:56,767
- You sure you don't
- want some of this?
- 1283
- 01:06:56,769 --> 01:06:58,234
- It's Peruvian hog's breath.
- 1284
- 01:06:58,236 --> 01:07:00,203
- They grow it above three line.
- 1285
- 01:07:00,205 --> 01:07:01,471
- Sweet.
- 1286
- 01:07:01,473 --> 01:07:04,106
- Nah, I'm good, thanks, Dad.
- 1287
- 01:07:04,108 --> 01:07:06,411
- I'm not really in the mood.
- 1288
- 01:07:07,345 --> 01:07:09,612
- Why so glum, Sunny Jim?
- 1289
- 01:07:09,614 --> 01:07:11,681
- I don't know, Dad.
- 1290
- 01:07:11,683 --> 01:07:13,151
- Marriage is hard.
- 1291
- 01:07:16,521 --> 01:07:20,290
- You have a keen
- grasp of the obvious.
- 1292
- 01:07:20,292 --> 01:07:24,497
- I think mine was just a
- bad idea from the start.
- 1293
- 01:07:25,664 --> 01:07:29,735
- Brandon, not a day goes
- by that I don't ask myself,
- 1294
- 01:07:31,236 --> 01:07:34,771
- did I do the right thing
- marrying that woman?
- 1295
- 01:07:34,773 --> 01:07:38,207
- That's not very romantic, Dad.
- 1296
- 01:07:38,209 --> 01:07:41,412
- It is when the
- answer is always yes.
- 1297
- 01:08:09,609 --> 01:08:10,744
- Oh, my god.
- 1298
- 01:08:25,624 --> 01:08:28,492
- Oh,
- no, no, no, no, no.
- 1299
- 01:08:52,251 --> 01:08:53,283
- Sweetie, what's wrong?
- 1300
- 01:08:53,285 --> 01:08:54,251
- Are you okay?
- 1301
- 01:08:54,253 --> 01:08:55,619
- Yeah, Mom, I know, I'm fine.
- 1302
- 01:08:55,621 --> 01:08:57,388
- I just have a
- headache, that's all.
- 1303
- 01:08:57,390 --> 01:08:59,357
- I think I
- have something for that.
- 1304
- 01:08:59,359 --> 01:09:01,626
- Well, you've always got
- somethin' for somethin'.
- 1305
- 01:09:01,628 --> 01:09:04,829
- Great, why do you
- have a DEA property room
- 1306
- 01:09:04,831 --> 01:09:06,297
- around your waist?
- 1307
- 01:09:06,299 --> 01:09:07,465
- SCHWEITZER POLIZEI
- FRAU: Oh, I would love
- 1308
- 01:09:07,467 --> 01:09:08,633
- to make this bust.
- 1309
- 01:09:08,635 --> 01:09:12,403
- Window Pane acid, peyote,
- shrooms, mescaline, ecstasy,
- 1310
- 01:09:12,405 --> 01:09:14,639
- hashish and Viagra.
- 1311
- 01:09:14,641 --> 01:09:16,341
- It's our mobile first aid kit.
- 1312
- 01:09:16,343 --> 01:09:18,676
- Recently replenished
- in Tierra del Fuego.
- 1313
- 01:09:18,678 --> 01:09:20,613
- You know, they have a
- very enlightened attitude
- 1314
- 01:09:20,615 --> 01:09:22,483
- towards psychotropics.
- 1315
- 01:09:23,350 --> 01:09:24,451
- Here it is.
- 1316
- 01:09:25,251 --> 01:09:26,752
- Ginger root.
- 1317
- 01:09:26,754 --> 01:09:29,788
- Yeah, Dad, don't
- you have any Advil?
- 1318
- 01:09:29,790 --> 01:09:30,658
- Advil.
- 1319
- 01:09:31,859 --> 01:09:33,728
- That's fuckin' poison.
- 1320
- 01:09:36,696 --> 01:09:38,563
- Ow, shit!
- 1321
- 01:09:38,565 --> 01:09:39,432
- Ow, god.
- 1322
- 01:09:41,234 --> 01:09:42,467
- What?
- 1323
- 01:09:42,469 --> 01:09:43,701
- Good
- morning, Charlotte,
- 1324
- 01:09:43,703 --> 01:09:46,205
- this is Bonnie Newton from the
- Culver City Charter School.
- 1325
- 01:09:46,207 --> 01:09:47,708
- Is this a good time?
- 1326
- 01:09:48,743 --> 01:09:51,343
- Yeah, yeah, definitely, hi.
- 1327
- 01:09:51,345 --> 01:09:53,211
- Good, well,
- we're having a gathering
- 1328
- 01:09:53,213 --> 01:09:54,980
- this afternoon with
- some of the board.
- 1329
- 01:09:54,982 --> 01:09:57,516
- I thought it might help
- your cause if you attended
- 1330
- 01:09:57,518 --> 01:09:59,818
- and demonstrated to
- everyone what a solid,
- 1331
- 01:09:59,820 --> 01:10:01,520
- upstanding, young woman you are.
- 1332
- 01:10:01,522 --> 01:10:04,489
- Yeah, I would
- love to, thank you.
- 1333
- 01:10:04,491 --> 01:10:05,724
- Well, we
- West Virginia gals
- 1334
- 01:10:05,726 --> 01:10:07,693
- have to stick together.
- 1335
- 01:10:08,797 --> 01:10:09,696
- I'll email you the details.
- 1336
- 01:10:09,698 --> 01:10:11,430
- Okay, great.
- 1337
- 01:10:11,432 --> 01:10:12,766
- Oh, and
- bring that charming
- 1338
- 01:10:12,768 --> 01:10:14,934
- and supportive husband of yours.
- 1339
- 01:10:14,936 --> 01:10:17,403
- Yeah, of course,
- thank you, yeah.
- 1340
- 01:10:17,405 --> 01:10:19,238
- I'll will see you there, thanks.
- 1341
- 01:10:19,240 --> 01:10:20,508
- Bye.
- 1342
- 01:10:24,512 --> 01:10:25,577
- First, you want me
- to tell my parents
- 1343
- 01:10:25,579 --> 01:10:28,280
- we're getting divorced
- and now, you want me to go
- 1344
- 01:10:28,282 --> 01:10:31,850
- to a garden party and pretend
- we're happily married?
- 1345
- 01:10:31,852 --> 01:10:33,520
- Brandon, just please.
- 1346
- 01:10:33,522 --> 01:10:35,755
- If I get this job, then
- I'll have enough money
- 1347
- 01:10:35,757 --> 01:10:37,324
- and I can move out.
- 1348
- 01:10:38,593 --> 01:10:39,428
- Okay.
- 1349
- 01:10:40,529 --> 01:10:42,494
- That makes sense.
- 1350
- 01:10:42,496 --> 01:10:44,766
- So nice to see you again.
- 1351
- 01:10:46,768 --> 01:10:47,599
- Oh, Charlotte.
- 1352
- 01:10:47,601 --> 01:10:48,567
- Hi.
- 1353
- 01:10:48,569 --> 01:10:49,668
- So glad you
- could make it, dear.
- 1354
- 01:10:49,670 --> 01:10:50,737
- Thank you for having us.
- 1355
- 01:10:50,739 --> 01:10:51,704
- You're welcome.
- 1356
- 01:10:51,706 --> 01:10:53,639
- Mrs. Newton, this
- is my husband Brandon.
- 1357
- 01:10:53,641 --> 01:10:54,841
- Very nice to meet you.
- 1358
- 01:10:54,843 --> 01:10:57,277
- And this is our host
- and head of the board,
- 1359
- 01:10:57,279 --> 01:10:59,713
- Dr. Glenn Wooster and his
- mother,
- 1360
- 01:10:59,715 --> 01:11:03,418
- - Lilian Cavendish Wooster.
- - Nice to meet you.
- 1361
- 01:11:09,558 --> 01:11:10,790
- You know, Charlotte has
- been teaching first grade
- 1362
- 01:11:10,792 --> 01:11:12,759
- for over eight years.
- 1363
- 01:11:12,761 --> 01:11:13,927
- You don't find it challenging
- 1364
- 01:11:13,929 --> 01:11:15,662
- to be around children all day?
- 1365
- 01:11:15,664 --> 01:11:18,865
- Oh, god no, I just
- love kids so much.
- 1366
- 01:11:18,867 --> 01:11:22,335
- They're so honest
- and entertaining.
- 1367
- 01:11:22,337 --> 01:11:24,605
- I have this one student, Emily,
- 1368
- 01:11:24,607 --> 01:11:26,372
- every day, anywhere she went,
- 1369
- 01:11:26,374 --> 01:11:28,641
- she always had her two
- Barbie dolls at her side.
- 1370
- 01:11:28,643 --> 01:11:30,710
- And on her birthday, I
- asked her what she wanted
- 1371
- 01:11:30,712 --> 01:11:32,779
- and she told me, she
- want more Barbies.
- 1372
- 01:11:32,781 --> 01:11:34,547
- And so I asked
- Emily, I was like,
- 1373
- 01:11:34,549 --> 01:11:36,050
- well, you already have
- Barbies, why do you need more?
- 1374
- 01:11:36,052 --> 01:11:38,718
- And he said, because my
- Barbies smoke and drink
- 1375
- 01:11:38,720 --> 01:11:39,654
- way too much.
- 1376
- 01:11:46,095 --> 01:11:46,927
- Excuse me.
- 1377
- 01:11:46,929 --> 01:11:48,362
- Sure.
- 1378
- 01:11:48,364 --> 01:11:49,730
- So I just, I don't know.
- 1379
- 01:11:49,732 --> 01:11:51,465
- They are so much fun
- and you never know
- 1380
- 01:11:51,467 --> 01:11:53,734
- what they're gonna
- say or do next.
- 1381
- 01:11:53,736 --> 01:11:56,504
- Brandon, I
- bear good tidings.
- 1382
- 01:11:56,506 --> 01:11:58,806
- I just got you a full-time
- gig working with me
- 1383
- 01:11:58,808 --> 01:12:01,709
- over here at Plan C,
- as promised, buddy.
- 1384
- 01:12:01,711 --> 01:12:03,677
- Now, please go find a toilet,
- 1385
- 01:12:03,679 --> 01:12:04,945
- lest you shit yourself with joy
- 1386
- 01:12:04,947 --> 01:12:06,679
- when I tell you how much
- you're getting paid.
- 1387
- 01:12:06,681 --> 01:12:07,849
- Okay, bye.
- 1388
- 01:12:13,456 --> 01:12:14,789
- It was so great to meet you.
- 1389
- 01:12:14,791 --> 01:12:15,623
- Good luck.
- 1390
- 01:12:15,625 --> 01:12:16,457
- Thank you.
- 1391
- 01:12:16,459 --> 01:12:17,092
- Hey.
- 1392
- 01:12:17,094 --> 01:12:17,925
- Hey.
- 1393
- 01:12:17,927 --> 01:12:19,027
- Got you a beer.
- 1394
- 01:12:19,029 --> 01:12:19,896
- Thanks.
- 1395
- 01:12:21,864 --> 01:12:25,099
- You know, I really
- don't like beer.
- 1396
- 01:12:25,101 --> 01:12:25,933
- Really?
- 1397
- 01:12:25,935 --> 01:12:26,803
- Yeah.
- 1398
- 01:12:28,070 --> 01:12:30,004
- Neither do I.
- 1399
- 01:12:30,006 --> 01:12:31,806
- SCHWEITZER POLIZEI
- FRAU: At last the truth.
- 1400
- 01:12:31,808 --> 01:12:34,812
- American beers
- taste like shizer.
- 1401
- 01:12:39,448 --> 01:12:41,549
- Mr. Wooster, I don't
- know what the philosophy
- 1402
- 01:12:41,551 --> 01:12:43,118
- of your school is
- but my wife and I
- 1403
- 01:12:43,120 --> 01:12:45,821
- are big supporters
- of constructivism.
- 1404
- 01:12:45,823 --> 01:12:47,755
- Yes, you know, we
- really like the notion
- 1405
- 01:12:47,757 --> 01:12:49,891
- that the teacher are
- facilitating the students
- 1406
- 01:12:49,893 --> 01:12:51,826
- to interact among themselves.
- 1407
- 01:12:51,828 --> 01:12:53,694
- Instead of merely
- lecturing at them
- 1408
- 01:12:53,696 --> 01:12:56,999
- as they sit and becoming
- passive listeners.
- 1409
- 01:12:57,001 --> 01:12:58,567
- And having the
- students realize
- 1410
- 01:12:58,569 --> 01:13:01,503
- that everyone has
- something to contribute.
- 1411
- 01:13:01,505 --> 01:13:03,638
- Everyone has a value.
- 1412
- 01:13:03,640 --> 01:13:06,141
- You must have
- read our website.
- 1413
- 01:13:06,143 --> 01:13:08,844
- No, we have a son
- who attended a school
- 1414
- 01:13:08,846 --> 01:13:10,645
- that was based on
- constructivism.
- 1415
- 01:13:10,647 --> 01:13:15,416
- And we could not be happier
- with the way he turned out.
- 1416
- 01:13:15,418 --> 01:13:16,086
- Cheers.
- 1417
- 01:13:21,693 --> 01:13:23,826
- I think you made a
- very good impression.
- 1418
- 01:13:23,828 --> 01:13:25,161
- Thank you so much.
- 1419
- 01:13:25,163 --> 01:13:26,761
- You're welcome, keep it up.
- 1420
- 01:13:26,763 --> 01:13:30,632
- And by the way, your
- in-laws are fabulous.
- 1421
- 01:13:30,634 --> 01:13:32,001
- Yeah, they're something.
- 1422
- 01:13:32,003 --> 01:13:33,102
- Oh, my daughter's here!
- 1423
- 01:13:33,104 --> 01:13:34,603
- She's visiting from Morgantown.
- 1424
- 01:13:34,605 --> 01:13:35,670
- Hi, honey.
- 1425
- 01:13:35,672 --> 01:13:36,571
- Hey, Mom.
- 1426
- 01:13:36,573 --> 01:13:37,839
- Hi, sweetie.
- 1427
- 01:13:37,841 --> 01:13:40,075
- Charlotte Conroy, I'd like to
- introduce you to my daughter,
- 1428
- 01:13:40,077 --> 01:13:42,644
- Anais, and her husband, Steven.
- 1429
- 01:13:42,646 --> 01:13:43,745
- Hi, there.
- 1430
- 01:13:43,747 --> 01:13:44,881
- Steven.
- 1431
- 01:13:44,883 --> 01:13:45,815
- So predictable.
- 1432
- 01:13:45,817 --> 01:13:47,083
- Sex, missionary position.
- 1433
- 01:13:50,822 --> 01:13:51,888
- Asshole!
- 1434
- 01:13:51,890 --> 01:13:53,858
- Pleasure to meet you.
- 1435
- 01:13:55,660 --> 01:13:57,929
- Purse is in the dishwasher.
- 1436
- 01:14:03,835 --> 01:14:06,501
- Mother,
- this is wonderful.
- 1437
- 01:14:06,503 --> 01:14:08,804
- So lovely what you
- put together here.
- 1438
- 01:14:08,806 --> 01:14:10,873
- Grilled shrimp?
- 1439
- 01:14:10,875 --> 01:14:12,775
- I guess it must have
- taken you a very long time
- 1440
- 01:14:12,777 --> 01:14:14,044
- to ride back from Rwanda.
- 1441
- 01:14:14,046 --> 01:14:14,913
- Ah!
- 1442
- 01:14:19,050 --> 01:14:21,486
- Sorry, will you excuse me.
- 1443
- 01:14:27,025 --> 01:14:29,759
- Hey, honey, look at that.
- 1444
- 01:14:29,761 --> 01:14:31,962
- Let's go for a walk.
- 1445
- 01:14:31,964 --> 01:14:33,797
- Hey, you feelin' okay?
- 1446
- 01:14:33,799 --> 01:14:34,998
- Do you wanna play doctor?
- 1447
- 01:14:35,000 --> 01:14:37,566
- Okay, Charlotte,
- what is going on here?
- 1448
- 01:14:37,568 --> 01:14:38,735
- I forgot to feed my cat.
- 1449
- 01:14:38,737 --> 01:14:39,604
- Oh, boy!
- 1450
- 01:14:40,272 --> 01:14:42,141
- Charlotte, talk to me.
- 1451
- 01:14:43,842 --> 01:14:45,110
- Charlotte, hey.
- 1452
- 01:14:47,012 --> 01:14:48,278
- Brandon.
- 1453
- 01:14:48,280 --> 01:14:50,047
- What the hell are
- you two doing here?
- 1454
- 01:14:50,049 --> 01:14:51,114
- We came to help Charlotte.
- 1455
- 01:14:51,116 --> 01:14:52,815
- This is very important to her.
- 1456
- 01:14:52,817 --> 01:14:53,749
- We know.
- 1457
- 01:14:53,751 --> 01:14:54,850
- We know everything.
- 1458
- 01:14:54,852 --> 01:14:56,053
- That's why we come here,
- 1459
- 01:14:56,055 --> 01:14:57,721
- we don't want you to
- make a terrible mistake
- 1460
- 01:14:57,723 --> 01:14:59,523
- and throw away your soul
- partner before the cosmos...
- 1461
- 01:14:59,525 --> 01:15:00,123
- Wait a second.
- 1462
- 01:15:00,125 --> 01:15:01,560
- Wait a minute.
- 1463
- 01:15:05,064 --> 01:15:06,296
- Are you two high?
- 1464
- 01:15:06,298 --> 01:15:07,130
- Brandon!
- 1465
- 01:15:07,132 --> 01:15:07,998
- Of course we are.
- 1466
- 01:15:08,000 --> 01:15:09,666
- Oh my god.
- 1467
- 01:15:09,668 --> 01:15:10,701
- You don't think
- that we would turn up
- 1468
- 01:15:10,703 --> 01:15:12,703
- to something like this straight.
- 1469
- 01:15:12,705 --> 01:15:14,871
- We've been fighting these
- people our entire lives
- 1470
- 01:15:14,873 --> 01:15:16,773
- with their bourgeoisie
- pretentiousness.
- 1471
- 01:15:16,775 --> 01:15:18,041
- And anal bleaching.
- 1472
- 01:15:18,043 --> 01:15:19,777
- Would you folks care
- for some conflict-free
- 1473
- 01:15:19,779 --> 01:15:21,946
- Ugandan artichoke confit
- on lardo brushed crostini?
- 1474
- 01:15:21,948 --> 01:15:22,816
- No.
- 1475
- 01:15:24,717 --> 01:15:25,784
- I'm so sorry.
- 1476
- 01:15:36,296 --> 01:15:37,696
- Mrs. Conroy.
- 1477
- 01:15:38,731 --> 01:15:40,264
- How's the new bride?
- 1478
- 01:15:40,266 --> 01:15:42,132
- Couldn't be better.
- 1479
- 01:15:42,134 --> 01:15:44,902
- Do I sense
- trouble in paradise?
- 1480
- 01:15:44,904 --> 01:15:45,937
- Not now, Steven.
- 1481
- 01:15:45,939 --> 01:15:48,339
- Charlotte, this isn't you.
- 1482
- 01:15:48,341 --> 01:15:49,173
- What?
- 1483
- 01:15:49,175 --> 01:15:50,208
- What do you mean?
- 1484
- 01:15:50,210 --> 01:15:51,378
- I am so sorry.
- 1485
- 01:15:52,979 --> 01:15:56,781
- I hurt you very badly and your
- life has taken an ugly turn,
- 1486
- 01:15:56,783 --> 01:15:57,817
- I apologize.
- 1487
- 01:15:58,985 --> 01:16:02,753
- You obviously married the
- first guy you met after me.
- 1488
- 01:16:02,755 --> 01:16:04,055
- Where was it?
- 1489
- 01:16:04,057 --> 01:16:05,289
- A dating website?
- 1490
- 01:16:05,291 --> 01:16:06,991
- Singles bar?
- 1491
- 01:16:06,993 --> 01:16:08,193
- Old Navy?
- 1492
- 01:16:08,195 --> 01:16:09,163
- No, eBay.
- 1493
- 01:16:10,897 --> 01:16:12,131
- Good god.
- 1494
- 01:16:12,133 --> 01:16:13,931
- You bought a husband online?
- 1495
- 01:16:13,933 --> 01:16:18,002
- No, we met online, and then
- fell in love and got married.
- 1496
- 01:16:18,004 --> 01:16:20,372
- And not after 14 years, Steven.
- 1497
- 01:16:20,374 --> 01:16:23,674
- Not all the changes are bad.
- 1498
- 01:16:23,676 --> 01:16:24,711
- The clothes.
- 1499
- 01:16:25,745 --> 01:16:26,613
- The hair.
- 1500
- 01:16:28,882 --> 01:16:31,784
- Do you think about
- me, Charlotte?
- 1501
- 01:16:31,786 --> 01:16:34,386
- 'Cause I think about you.
- 1502
- 01:16:34,388 --> 01:16:35,821
- Of course, I think about you.
- 1503
- 01:16:35,823 --> 01:16:38,625
- We spent half our
- lives together.
- 1504
- 01:16:49,270 --> 01:16:50,902
- The whale song.
- 1505
- 01:16:50,904 --> 01:16:53,071
- The whale song, the mating
- cry of the humpback.
- 1506
- 01:16:53,073 --> 01:16:54,772
- Let's get you into
- the house, mother,
- 1507
- 01:16:54,774 --> 01:16:57,778
- and you can take
- a nice little nap.
- 1508
- 01:16:59,381 --> 01:17:01,080
- How dare you?
- 1509
- 01:17:01,082 --> 01:17:02,683
- Let's go, mother.
- 1510
- 01:17:03,984 --> 01:17:06,787
- Oh, I miss your
- father so much!
- 1511
- 01:17:09,423 --> 01:17:10,823
- Steven?
- 1512
- 01:17:10,825 --> 01:17:11,692
- Yes.
- 1513
- 01:17:12,860 --> 01:17:14,795
- You're such an asshole.
- 1514
- 01:17:16,263 --> 01:17:18,263
- Is that all it took?
- 1515
- 01:17:18,265 --> 01:17:20,934
- You want me now that
- I'm with someone else?
- 1516
- 01:17:20,936 --> 01:17:22,368
- There's more to it
- than that, Charlotte.
- 1517
- 01:17:22,370 --> 01:17:23,836
- Oh yeah, really, like what?
- 1518
- 01:17:23,838 --> 01:17:25,071
- And you'd really better be quick
- 1519
- 01:17:25,073 --> 01:17:27,173
- because my husband is
- right outside that door.
- 1520
- 01:17:27,175 --> 01:17:30,276
- And your wife, that poor woman.
- 1521
- 01:17:30,278 --> 01:17:32,245
- I mean, you don't
- even understand.
- 1522
- 01:17:32,247 --> 01:17:36,183
- Anais, she is so spontaneous
- and unpredictable.
- 1523
- 01:17:37,818 --> 01:17:39,985
- One minute, we're
- snowboarding in Telluride,
- 1524
- 01:17:39,987 --> 01:17:44,257
- the next we are making love
- in a Mexican agave field.
- 1525
- 01:17:44,259 --> 01:17:46,359
- I miss your predictability.
- 1526
- 01:17:46,361 --> 01:17:49,963
- I miss the quiet, boring
- times, the unimaginative sex,
- 1527
- 01:17:49,965 --> 01:17:51,197
- all of it.
- 1528
- 01:17:51,199 --> 01:17:54,236
- I never appreciated
- it until it was gone.
- 1529
- 01:17:55,703 --> 01:17:58,271
- Well, it's not coming back.
- 1530
- 01:17:58,273 --> 01:17:59,141
- Ever.
- 1531
- 01:18:00,275 --> 01:18:03,278
- Hey, hey, I just
- got a new job in DC.
- 1532
- 01:18:04,112 --> 01:18:06,412
- Let's leave these two horrible,
- 1533
- 01:18:06,414 --> 01:18:10,850
- disgusting mistakes behind
- and get back to our old lives.
- 1534
- 01:18:10,852 --> 01:18:13,153
- My husband is not a mistake.
- 1535
- 01:18:13,155 --> 01:18:14,888
- Yes, we rushed into marriage
- 1536
- 01:18:14,890 --> 01:18:16,423
- and things haven't been perfect
- 1537
- 01:18:16,425 --> 01:18:18,459
- and after 10 ridiculous days,
- 1538
- 01:18:18,461 --> 01:18:21,828
- things are just blowing
- up in our faces, but
- 1539
- 01:18:21,830 --> 01:18:24,931
- there have been moments,
- in between all the lies
- 1540
- 01:18:24,933 --> 01:18:26,766
- and the bullshit where
- I've loved him more
- 1541
- 01:18:26,768 --> 01:18:29,903
- than anybody in my entire life.
- 1542
- 01:18:29,905 --> 01:18:30,906
- Including you.
- 1543
- 01:18:32,742 --> 01:18:33,843
- So it's over.
- 1544
- 01:18:35,344 --> 01:18:36,277
- Perfect.
- 1545
- 01:18:36,279 --> 01:18:37,511
- No, Steven.
- 1546
- 01:18:37,513 --> 01:18:40,813
- Hey, I dare you to
- kiss me one more time
- 1547
- 01:18:40,815 --> 01:18:43,750
- and tell me you don't love me.
- 1548
- 01:18:43,752 --> 01:18:44,784
- Ow!
- 1549
- 01:18:44,786 --> 01:18:45,919
- Oh, fuck.
- 1550
- 01:18:45,921 --> 01:18:46,853
- Sorry, Steven.
- 1551
- 01:18:46,855 --> 01:18:50,123
- But as we say in the
- yard, I gotta do me.
- 1552
- 01:18:50,125 --> 01:18:53,159
- So fuck all y'all if
- you can't appreciate it!
- 1553
- 01:18:53,161 --> 01:18:54,029
- Huh!
- 1554
- 01:19:02,539 --> 01:19:04,872
- Mr. Wooster, I wanna
- apologize for earlier.
- 1555
- 01:19:04,874 --> 01:19:06,040
- My wife threw her back out
- 1556
- 01:19:06,042 --> 01:19:08,542
- and I was giving
- her an adjustment.
- 1557
- 01:19:08,544 --> 01:19:10,811
- Anyway, we really
- love the school
- 1558
- 01:19:10,813 --> 01:19:14,848
- and we'd like to make
- a small donation.
- 1559
- 01:19:14,850 --> 01:19:18,920
- I don't see how that's
- gonna make any difference.
- 1560
- 01:19:19,789 --> 01:19:21,389
- This is very generous.
- 1561
- 01:19:21,391 --> 01:19:22,557
- Thank you very much.
- 1562
- 01:19:22,559 --> 01:19:27,863
- I'm gonna find Mrs. Newton
- and tell her the good news.
- 1563
- 01:19:28,898 --> 01:19:30,265
- Wasn't that check for Brandon?
- 1564
- 01:19:30,267 --> 01:19:31,932
- Our son's not very
- good with money anyway
- 1565
- 01:19:31,934 --> 01:19:33,901
- so it doesn't matter.
- 1566
- 01:19:33,903 --> 01:19:36,036
- And an investment
- in her future.
- 1567
- 01:19:36,038 --> 01:19:39,008
- Is an investment
- in their future.
- 1568
- 01:19:48,852 --> 01:19:50,885
- Did you mean what
- you said in there?
- 1569
- 01:19:50,887 --> 01:19:52,053
- Yes.
- 1570
- 01:19:52,055 --> 01:19:52,923
- No, maybe.
- 1571
- 01:19:55,325 --> 01:19:56,426
- I don't know.
- 1572
- 01:20:01,831 --> 01:20:02,564
- Hey.
- 1573
- 01:20:02,566 --> 01:20:03,698
- Hey.
- 1574
- 01:20:03,700 --> 01:20:06,133
- Wow, looks like you could
- use a little first aid,
- 1575
- 01:20:06,135 --> 01:20:07,603
- my friend.
- 1576
- 01:20:27,591 --> 01:20:30,058
- All hail,
- all hail the chosen one.
- 1577
- 01:20:30,060 --> 01:20:31,059
- Who said that?
- 1578
- 01:20:31,061 --> 01:20:32,528
- It is I my lord,
- 1579
- 01:20:32,530 --> 01:20:34,130
- Pegaverneius Candoe of
- the Nexus Space and Guild.
- 1580
- 01:20:34,132 --> 01:20:38,634
- I have traveled nearly
- 12 parsecs to find you.
- 1581
- 01:20:38,636 --> 01:20:39,602
- Okay.
- 1582
- 01:20:39,604 --> 01:20:40,935
- You
- are the rightful heir
- 1583
- 01:20:40,937 --> 01:20:42,371
- to the throne of Nargathus.
- 1584
- 01:20:42,373 --> 01:20:44,540
- The star child as foretold
- in our prophesies.
- 1585
- 01:20:44,542 --> 01:20:46,242
- A magnificent creature
- of unlimited wisdom
- 1586
- 01:20:46,244 --> 01:20:47,976
- and breath taking
- physical perfection.
- 1587
- 01:20:47,978 --> 01:20:48,812
- Yeah.
- 1588
- 01:20:50,080 --> 01:20:51,014
- I get that.
- 1589
- 01:20:52,383 --> 01:20:53,582
- The
- great epiphany is at hand.
- 1590
- 01:20:53,584 --> 01:20:55,250
- Reveal your magnificence
- to the members
- 1591
- 01:20:55,252 --> 01:20:57,086
- of the Culver City Charter
- School Board,
- 1592
- 01:20:57,088 --> 01:20:59,055
- and then the world.
- 1593
- 01:20:59,057 --> 01:21:01,324
- Let them kowtow at your feet.
- 1594
- 01:21:01,326 --> 01:21:02,958
- Worship you.
- 1595
- 01:21:02,960 --> 01:21:05,596
- Tremble at you your
- unlimited power.
- 1596
- 01:21:14,205 --> 01:21:16,372
- I must tell you how
- delighted we all are
- 1597
- 01:21:16,374 --> 01:21:20,910
- about the substantial
- donation from your in-laws.
- 1598
- 01:21:20,912 --> 01:21:23,547
- Well, they are very
- surprisingly generous people.
- 1599
- 01:21:23,549 --> 01:21:24,481
- Well, I can tell you,
- 1600
- 01:21:24,483 --> 01:21:26,182
- there's a lot we can
- do with those funds.
- 1601
- 01:21:26,184 --> 01:21:28,117
- Loyal subjects!
- 1602
- 01:21:28,119 --> 01:21:30,054
- I am your unicorn king!
- 1603
- 01:21:31,457 --> 01:21:34,924
- By the powers vested in me
- through the flames of Asinoff,
- 1604
- 01:21:34,926 --> 01:21:39,163
- I command you, kneel, kneel
- before your unicorn king.
- 1605
- 01:21:40,666 --> 01:21:42,498
- That guys
- I fucking crazy.
- 1606
- 01:21:42,500 --> 01:21:46,470
- The time in neigh,
- the season is in bloom,
- 1607
- 01:21:46,472 --> 01:21:49,539
- I call upon you
- subjects to step forth
- 1608
- 01:21:49,541 --> 01:21:51,876
- and harvest this royal seed.
- 1609
- 01:22:02,521 --> 01:22:05,489
- Steven, what the
- hell are you doing?
- 1610
- 01:22:05,491 --> 01:22:08,193
- Fair Anais, Steven is no more.
- 1611
- 01:22:11,196 --> 01:22:12,866
- Your milk has soured.
- 1612
- 01:22:14,667 --> 01:22:15,901
- Oh, Momma!
- 1613
- 01:22:18,036 --> 01:22:22,040
- Look upon me as I raise
- the imperial scepter.
- 1614
- 01:22:25,010 --> 01:22:27,946
- Mommy,
- that man is nasty.
- 1615
- 01:22:29,648 --> 01:22:31,684
- Prepare to receive me!
- 1616
- 01:22:33,986 --> 01:22:34,719
- Bam!
- 1617
- 01:22:36,256 --> 01:22:38,523
- That has to hurt.
- 1618
- 01:22:44,196 --> 01:22:46,131
- And, as I was saying,
- 1619
- 01:22:48,568 --> 01:22:51,001
- could you come in on Monday?
- 1620
- 01:22:51,003 --> 01:22:53,336
- Oh, we would be honored
- to have a young woman
- 1621
- 01:22:53,338 --> 01:22:55,641
- of your character at
- Culver City Charter.
- 1622
- 01:22:55,643 --> 01:22:56,775
- I'd love to!
- 1623
- 01:22:56,777 --> 01:22:58,677
- Thank you so much.
- 1624
- 01:22:58,679 --> 01:22:59,711
- Oh my god, thank you.
- 1625
- 01:22:59,713 --> 01:23:00,580
- Thank you.
- 1626
- 01:23:06,786 --> 01:23:09,454
- What in the world
- got into Steven?
- 1627
- 01:23:09,456 --> 01:23:10,688
- I don't know.
- 1628
- 01:23:10,690 --> 01:23:11,957
- Any ideas?
- 1629
- 01:23:12,659 --> 01:23:14,292
- Food poisoning perhaps?
- 1630
- 01:23:14,294 --> 01:23:18,698
- I think the artichoke confit
- looked a little sketchy.
- 1631
- 01:23:21,302 --> 01:23:24,770
- Since there's no dispute
- over assets or property,
- 1632
- 01:23:24,772 --> 01:23:26,607
- just sign and it's done.
- 1633
- 01:23:27,741 --> 01:23:31,643
- You'll never have to
- see one another again.
- 1634
- 01:23:31,645 --> 01:23:35,781
- That line right there, the
- one with your name next to it.
- 1635
- 01:23:35,783 --> 01:23:36,650
- I know.
- 1636
- 01:23:43,122 --> 01:23:47,495
- On second thought, I want
- the Chinese rocket statue.
- 1637
- 01:23:50,164 --> 01:23:51,131
- Alrighty.
- 1638
- 01:23:52,032 --> 01:23:55,536
- If you agree, Mr.
- Conroy, we're done here.
- 1639
- 01:23:57,805 --> 01:23:59,571
- No.
- 1640
- 01:23:59,573 --> 01:24:01,840
- No, I can't part with that.
- 1641
- 01:24:01,842 --> 01:24:05,744
- Well, what if y'all
- shared joint custody?
- 1642
- 01:24:05,746 --> 01:24:08,648
- Each of you take it for
- a week or two at a time?
- 1643
- 01:24:08,650 --> 01:24:11,350
- No, that won't work.
- 1644
- 01:24:11,352 --> 01:24:14,086
- Can you just buy
- a second statue?
- 1645
- 01:24:14,088 --> 01:24:16,789
- That way, y'all can
- each have your own.
- 1646
- 01:24:16,791 --> 01:24:18,223
- No.
- 1647
- 01:24:18,225 --> 01:24:20,194
- No, it's one of a kind.
- 1648
- 01:24:21,462 --> 01:24:23,662
- Well bless your hearts.
- 1649
- 01:24:23,664 --> 01:24:25,831
- I don't mean to be rude
- 1650
- 01:24:25,833 --> 01:24:27,699
- but I've gotta be
- gettin' out to Malibu.
- 1651
- 01:24:27,701 --> 01:24:30,235
- I'm havin' lunch at Gerard's.
- 1652
- 01:24:30,237 --> 01:24:32,672
- Try the lobster,
- it's delicious.
- 1653
- 01:24:32,674 --> 01:24:34,674
- And not cheap.
- 1654
- 01:24:34,676 --> 01:24:36,743
- Can we please get
- this thing goin'?
- 1655
- 01:24:36,745 --> 01:24:38,611
- Hey, don't rush
- our divorce, man.
- 1656
- 01:24:38,613 --> 01:24:39,846
- Yeah.
- 1657
- 01:24:39,848 --> 01:24:43,583
- You know, maybe we
- should get lunch, too.
- 1658
- 01:24:43,585 --> 01:24:46,753
- Yeah, I mean, we shouldn't
- do this on an empty stomach.
- 1659
- 01:24:46,755 --> 01:24:47,854
- Right.
- 1660
- 01:24:47,856 --> 01:24:49,454
- Now, hold on a second.
- 1661
- 01:24:49,456 --> 01:24:51,724
- What about your signatures?
- 1662
- 01:24:51,726 --> 01:24:53,191
- Damn it to hell.
- 1663
- 01:24:53,193 --> 01:24:55,796
- The wheels are
- comin' off the wagon.
- 1664
- 01:24:55,798 --> 01:24:58,899
- This divorce is fallin' apart.
- 1665
- 01:24:58,901 --> 01:25:02,201
- - I blame her.
- - It's his fault.
- 1666
- 01:25:16,751 --> 01:25:17,884
- This ends now.
- 1667
- 01:25:17,886 --> 01:25:20,888
- I'm getting out of here
- and you're not stopping me!
- 1668
- 01:25:22,592 --> 01:25:24,525
- An so concludes our story.
- 1669
- 01:25:24,527 --> 01:25:26,159
- Poor Charlotte and Brandon,
- 1670
- 01:25:26,161 --> 01:25:28,796
- their journey has
- taught them nothing.
- 1671
- 01:25:28,798 --> 01:25:30,563
- Oh my god, I'm so sorry.
- 1672
- 01:25:30,565 --> 01:25:31,765
- Did I slap you too hard?
- 1673
- 01:25:31,767 --> 01:25:34,603
- Nein baby, it was just right.
- 1674
- 01:31:52,120 --> 01:31:54,122
- I see you understand sign
- language.
- 1675
- 01:31:54,124 --> 01:31:54,718
- Subtitles by explosiveskull
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