Kimberly Suzanne Ferrell,

It's been about 12 hours since our big argument last night. I'm struggling to even think coherently, so if my thoughts seem jumbled and discombobulated, I apologize.

I'm so sorry. The one person you love above all else is the one who created the crack in your armor that brought your problems to the surface. It took an instant of not thinking to seemingly tear apart our friendship, and your trust for me. I wasn't kidding when I say I would do anything to gain it back. The wall you built was so strong, Kim. You had it cracked, and I can only imagine the pain of bringing that back to the surface. I still remember the day where you told me afterwards that you should've been more responsible, blaming yourself for what happened. With time, your inner strength shined through and you realized it wasn't your fault; it was never your fault. You and I built up everything around you and it helped you tremendously to move forward from the event that occurred. Now here you are, feeling like you can't trust the person you built with. Nothing hurts worse. It's almost like a breakup.

Trust is fragile. If it takes me a long time to get that trust back, I'll do anything to get it back. I can't stand the idea of throwing away 16 months of being best friends. At the same time, I get that you might want to move on from me. If you can't trust me anymore, if you can't love me anymore...move on from me. Don't cling to a lie if you don't feel like you can. It'll only hurt both of us even more in the long run. Kim, I'm still your Sam, and I'll be your Sam until you relinquish that claim. I made a promise, and I'm clinging to it with my life right now in support of us. Please, for the love of god, if you don't want me back, don't take me back. You said it yourself. You don't need me, you just desperately want me there.

And please, don't worry about me. I'm struggling and breaking at the cracks but it's not even relevant and probably doesn't even compare to the pain you feel of being nervous while you're around people because of what I said. I deserve this for what I did to you.

I'm sorry for pushing you too far in the moment.
I'm sorry for being inconsiderate at times.
I'm sorry for not following through when I say I'll do things for you.
I'm sorry I can be there next to you to support you through everything.
I'm sorry I make stupid mistakes at times.

All you have is my love. I love you, Kim. However long I need to wait for you, I will. I have to.