Okay. So in Jungian function theory, we're told that INTPs and INFJs are a golden pair. This is the only golden pair I've actually heard of in the entire typing system. Yet, this is one of the most destructive pairings I've seen and I'm not sure where this notion of it being golden came from.

So INTPs have four functions:

    Ti - at its most simplest its using rational and logic to come to conclusions about reality and your thoughts internally.

    Ne - making connections, seeing possibilities, growth, improvement.

    Si - recalling facts and details of past events, using the past as a guideline for making future decisions

    Fe - understanding others emotions and feelings in the moment, sensing the mood of an external environment, picking up on others' emotions

INFJs have an axis that is shared with INTP and have these four functions:

    Ni - inexplicable knowledge about patterns or connections made internally, subconscious synthesizing, 'gut-feelings'

    Fe - understanding others emotions and feelings in the moment, sensing the mood of an external environment, picking up on others' emotions

    Ti - at its most simplest its using rational and logic to come to conclusions about reality and your thoughts internally.

    Se - experiencing and dealing with the outside world in the moment, taking in new experiences

For whatever reason, someone concluded that having a Ti-Ne dom and an Ni-Fe dom works out. The reasoning behind this was that Ti-Ne, having Fe as its inferior would need someone of the same feeling orientation but higher fluency with that function to necessitate its growth. Similarly, since Ni-Fe has Ti in a lower stack, that a Ti dom would be a good fit. The Ti-Fe axis they both share would not clash in the same way a Ti-Fe axis would clash with a Te-Fi axis. Have you noticed that in general NTPs don't care too much for Fi? Fi and Ti tend to oppose each other. An INFJ, though an Ni-Fe user, still has an internal logical structure and will therefore get along better than say, an INFP with an INTP (especially since dominant Fi vs dominant Ti is a no-no).

However, this is all bullshit.

An INFJ and an INTP cannot be in a relationship together and anyone who will chime in and say "I'm dating an INTP and I'm an INFJ" I claim that if your relationship is going well, and I mean well not the bullshit delusion people think is a relationship, then one of you is mistyped and if your relationship is going terribly, to the point of misery and depression, then you're either in an INFJ/INTP pairing or another shitty combination.

Ti-Ne, while brilliant in its assessments, is insecure in its solution. This is at its high point. A Ti-Ne dom coming to a solution in the first place requires functional maturity and even still Ti-Ne will have second thoughts. Ti-Ne doesn't 100% choose a final solution ever. Now imagine Ti-Ne having to deal with this flaw and being put into a relationship where they have to use Ti-Ne to make Fe-decisions. Not only are they even more insecure, they new judgement system is poorly developed. Ti-Ne having to filter through Fe is why INTPs don't make decisions based on their emotions. That's not to say INTPs don't have emotions, which is another huge fucking failure of a concept. INTPs have very profound emotions. They have very poor ability to deal with them so they file them away because Ti-Ne wants improvement in every capacity and inferiority in no capacity.

So you say: "Well that's why INTPs should be with NFs then. They can have the intelligence of an intuitive and the emotional depth to supplement their own." Except, no and especially not with INFJs.

Being with a type that is naturally better than you at some task will not make you better at that task. INTP being shit at emotions is their nature. They can improve this but the best functioning emotional INTP will never match the best functioning emotional INFJ and this discrepancy will be a problem.

See, INFJs are good with emotions... really good with emotions. Ni-Fe can sense the feelings of others without explanation at the naive end (being an empath) and can create and dictate emotion at the low end (being manipulative). Fe immediately senses and gets a feel for the room and Ni synthesizes and deduces this pretty quickly.

INTPs, having Fe at the very bottom and second-guessing themselves as much as they do, tend to be manipulated pretty easily. INFJs, having Fe near the top and almost never questioning their perceptions because of dom Ni means they tend to manipulate pretty easily. This is disastrous in the long run.

At the beginning of the relationship, INTP will be attracted to INFJ because INFJ will be soft while still appearing rational. Ti being INFJ relief function means they can hold their own in some sort of caricature of an NT and the INTP will like that. The INTP will think, "finally someone who understands me" because the INFJ will project that they do understand the INTP, like they think they understand everyone else. The problem is that INFJ understand emotions and INTP don't use those or fuck with them that much. So understanding only 15% of a person is not understanding them at all. INFJ with pesky Ni will believe they understand INTP completely and will convince INTP this is the case. INTP being swept up in their own Fe will believe they're being understood and this is where the illusion starts.

As the relationship progresses and the honeymoon phase ends, INTP begins to use their Ti-Ne optimally again and will start to see the discrepancy. They'll realize the INFJ isn't as INTP-like as they had hoped. The see the INFJ as being a bit moody or even sensitive. INTP second-guesses a lot and then confronts INFJ. INFJ now also out of honeymoon will start using their Ni-Fe optimally but since they see how important the INTP is, will do anything to keep them around, even at the cost of the relationship's health. This is when INFJ starts using their high Ni-Fe to keep the INTP in Fe-low functioning mode. This happens for a while too and if the INTP is desperate, depressed, anxious or struggling in life, they will cling to the INFJ because they believe that is all they have and the INFJ continues to convince them of this. The INTP slowly drains because they're constantly using a function they shouldn't be, further removing themselves from Ti-Ne, and further spiraling.

INFJs tend to be so perturbed by the thought of being a bad person (high Fe makes them want to avoid this all together), that they blind themselves to the notion that the cause of the INTPs misery is them and since an INFJ has Ni, they can entirely convince themselves they are not the problem. What's worse is that since Ti is sitting tertiary in their stack, their ability to rationally end the relationship or at least introspect is flooded in their desire to perfect. But their perfection only matters if it's in their mind. They don't actually care about being perfect or doing perfect things. They want to be perceived as such without thinking critically about it. Yet critical thinking is something that is at the base of an INTP.

That's another thing. Critique doesn't happen with an INFJ. They can't handle it. An INTP with goals of improvement through rational solutions is rather invulnerable to critique but an INFJ with goals of mental perfection and harmony can't handle a chink in the armor. They take criticism so personally that if the INTP wants external peace at all with the INFJ, they have to effectively silence themselves thus killing their nature in the process.

An INFJ and INTP are not golden pairs. They are opposites of each other who function very differently and can't have an ideal romantic relationship at all. I don't know where this even came from.