Are you fucking kidding me?  Of all your fucking rightful words in previous notes, this is your definite wrong.  How dare you even think of the situation like that?  No matter what has ever happened, have you thought of it alternatively?  You think that I do all of this ONLY for my own subconscious mind?  Do you know our fucking conversations kai?  Jen seems to tell you EVERYTHING now.  Did she tell you that she always ask me to tell her EVERYTHING?  Everything meaning, what's on my mind at all times, how I feel, how I think of things, and what I think of her.  If she was to once deny my speech as to stop talking, then I'll fucking stop.  Did  you know that?  I'd figured she would tell you that, of all things I didn't want you to know, this is left out.  My stories doesn't add up, yes, it probably doesn't.  Though do you know what does add up?

Kai: hes gonna try till the last straw
 to talk his way out of it
 just saying anything

Jen: You're so good with words huh.

Do you two see the resemblance?

It hurts me so much inside, and yea, emotionally it reall does kai.  Or will you say that it's only me saying shit so that it'll become my own beneficial need and a waste of words to be spoken?  To see you talk so much shit, and watch Jennifer sit there and soak it all in from you.  She may or may not have ever thought of it this way before, but now i can thankfully see that she has the second vile thought her mind about me.  I was wrong in the beginning to EVER blame ANY of this shit on you Kai.  I really did blame a lot on you, and I am sincerely sorry for doing so.  But you went way too far, as I have.  How dare you put the thoughts of my so poorly into  the person I actually love most in the world like this?  Can I even speak to her again knowing that she will ALWAYS remember this side of me?  Whether it's true or not?  Can I even speak anymore, without having the "pity" card casted upon me like my words mean nothing, with the thought of it in your mind that i've been merely lying my way through life only for my own benefit of the doubt and not care for anyone else?

I honestly have one last thing to ask you Kai.  If this is  truely the finishing feeling of what you think of me and what i've done, do me a favor and ask her this.  If she feels that even the slightest thing you've said in this chat conversation is true, then PLEASE ask me to leave.  I no longer as a human being can live with any of this.  I still talk to jen, because she says that she'll kill herself without me.  But if you don't think that I do not deserve another multiple chance, and honestly, I wouldnt give myself another, then please ask her to let me go.  I don't want to sit here and keep typing to know that in the near future, everything I say or do, is for my own self fucking needs.  If im not needed, then speak the words and I will leave.

All I need now is that simple answer, please don't make this harder, as I have made it hard on the world enough.