Anon is so attractive you have no idea.

> You are the ever popular Anonymous
> You are still in Equestria
> It is day -REDACTED-
> Several days ago you introduced the concept of "having a bonfire" to your pony...is it friends? It seems to change so often you really can't tell.
> Let's call them friends.
> It took a while to bring them around to the idea.
> Your massive grin at the thought of setting off a bigass fire might've had something to do with it.
> But you persisted and managed to convince them that it'd be a fun way to spend a cold evening with friends.
> And so here you find yourself.
> Standing in your yard, half nekkid, dripping sweat, chopping fire wood.
> Stupid lying pegasus. Cold front my toned ass.
> But it's not like you can stop now, you've almost finished your woodpile, enough to keep a fire going long into the night.
> And despite the sweat you've worked up it's almost relaxing, just doing something mindless and physical, after the day to day insanity of Ponyville.
> Lift. Swing. Thunk. Stack. Stack. Grab. Position.
> Lift. Swing. Thunk. Stack. Stack. Grab. Position.
> Lift. Swing. Thunk. SMASH. Startle.
> Now what teh fkuk was that.
> Bluefast. You should have known.
> She's managed to fly straight through a tree branch and faceplant in your yard.
"You right there, Rainbow?"
> She groans and pulls her face from the dirt.
> "Yeah."
> Her eyes track up your legs towards your face. She doesn't manage to get there.
> "Yeah I'm just...fiiiiiiiiiinnnnnne."
> She isn't looking past your chest. And she's blushing. Oh how cute she's embarrassed from crashing into that tree.
> You can't help but chuckle at the thought, She startles and her blush deepens.
> Yep. So embarassed.
"So what's got you assaulting trees today Dash?
> "Uh, nothing. Just got distracted by you chopping wood...no...I meant...uh"
"Thinking about the bonfire eh? Yeah it's gonna be good. Especially if AJ does bring the cider like she suggested."
> She jumps to her feet and nods like her neck like she was trying for a new world record.
> "Yeah that's it. Fire. And cider. And nothing else."
> You nod and smile.
"Well try to keep an eye on where you're going. It'd be a shame to miss out because you where in hospital with broken bones."
> She shifts from hoof to hoof.
> "Yeah you're totally right. That would be so lame. Well...I uh, gotta go. To...uh, somewhere. I'll see you later."
> And off she goes.
> You give a wave and a goodbye as she heads off.
> Now back to the chopping block, just need a little more.
> Lift. Swing. Thunk. Stack. Stack. Grab. Position.
> Lift. Smack.
> You turn your head. Rainbow is rubbing hers.
> She walked into your gate.
> ...with the back of her head?
> Wow she really is distracted. Hahah. What a goof.

> Slightly after bluefast left our hero; us, we return to the story
> Well you're done with the wood chopping. Finally.
> Hard work but it'll be worth it.
> Still hard work though and you feel like you need a rest.
> You'd sit under the tree but the shade there is somewhat less than it used to be.
> So it's gonna be the porch.
> Deckchair.jpg
> And water. In a glass. With ice cubes.
> You are just too cool for this school.
> Town. Too cool for this town. Yeah.
> But fuck you are still hot.
> Better give that evaporative cooling a boost.
> Ohgodtheicecubefelloutoftheglass.mov
> Well at least you're not so hot.
> "Afternoon Anon."
> Ah orangefarm. Guess she's taking a break from her market stall.
"Hey Applejack, what brings you around?"
> "Well Rainbow came by the market just a moment ago. She said something about you chopping wood and cider and I realised I needed to come over."
> ...
> Your eyebrow ascends.
> "Uh...To ask you a question. Yeah."
> You didn't know she could flick her eyes so fast.
> Must be embarrassed for forgetting to say that in the first place.
> So many embarrassed ponies today.
> You rise from your chair and stretch out your arms and shoulders.
> A slight breeze flickers by and oh boy is that nice and cool on your water slicked body.
> You gesture off to the side where your wood pile sits ready.
"Well I was just taking a break now that I've got enough wood chopped. So what did you need to ask?"
> She's not answering/asking.
> And she's got that same distracted Rainbow was wearing earlier.
> Right down to the creeping blush and not looking at your face.
> Very strange. Oh well.
"AJ. AJ. APPLEJUICE WHAT DID YOU NEED TO ASK ME."
> She startles and manages to drag her eyes up to yours.
> "Uh right, question. That I needed to ask you. That I came over to ask you."
"Yes, that one, AJ."
> "Yes, right, I...I wanted to ask if you had any requests for tonights drinks."
> Ah that makes sense. There are certainly many varieties of cider. Thoughtful of her to ask.
"Well I like my cider a little sweet and a little tart so anything like that would be great, but no biggy if that's not possible."
> You feel a little stiff in the shoulders so you give them a roll and take another drink of water.
> A little trickle slips out and rolls down your body.
"Oh and because we're going to be around a big fire probably best not to bring any of the hard stuff."
> And she didn't hear that did she.
> What an odd look.
"Uh AJ I think you've got a bit of a nose bleed there."
> She wipes at her face with a hoof.
"And remember no hard stuff because fire."
> "Okay then Anon, I'll ah, get on that. See you later."
> And of she goes leave a faint trail of blood drops.
> Well tonight sure is shaping up well.
> This gon be gud.
> Well that's enough of a cool down. Time to get some clean clothes on.
> You could have sworn you heard a rustle and a groan as you went inside.
> Just another bit of Ponyville weirdness.

> Day are we still on fucking Namek?
> Something something witty intro.
> You're feeling much refreshed after a quick shower.
> With a fresh suit on (gotta keep them standards up) you are ready to continue the day.
> Specifically the tasks that you've promised to help out with as bribery to get ponies to enjoy a large fire with you.
> This was always planned and happening what are you on about.
> Trekking through Ponyville, you notice that you're getting more looks than usual.
> Lots of sidelong glances and a few outright stares.
> Crack. Thump. And there goes a cart.
> Guess it's not just your friends. Everyone in Ponyville is distracted today.
> Might be a sign of something important.
> You resolve to check in with purplesmart on the way home, just in case.
> Either way you have a yellowquiet to help.
> Ah yes yellowquiet. Most yellow and least loud of ponies.
> You've agreed to help her prepare the evening meals for her various animals ahead of time, so she can come to the bonfire without worrying.

> Scene transition because shit is getting wordy and I dunno what to do with this bit and I CBF wasting time to figure it out.

> Fruit.
> Veg.
> Fruit and Veg.
> Veg and fruit.
> Many have been chopped, sliced, diced and in one case minced on this afternoon.
> For the sake of your jacket you've been working in just your shirt.
> Fluttershy has been about directing your knife wielding efforts as she sorted, mixed and bowled up the foodstuffs.
> Fluttershy has been living up to her name though, you don't think you've got more than two complete sentences out of her.
> And she keeps checking up on you. Probably worried about you handling a sharp blade.
> It's very sweet of her but isn't really speeding things up.
> Even so you've enjoyed the quiet time spent with a friend.
> You mind wanders as your hand go on autopilot.
> You recall a song that pinkparty was singing the other day.
> A little ditty about smiles.
> It's in your head now and you can't help but hum along as you work.
> Aw shit you're really feeling it.
> You can't help yourself as you begin to dance a little in place.
> Just bobbing from foot to foot with a little sway.
> It's a fun little boogie you've got going on there.
> And so you boogie the time away until you hear that can only be a sound from Fluttershy, who's been nigh silent for a while.
> Right on the edge of audibility.
> "hnnn"
> Without stopping your dance you twist your head around to see what's up.
> And there she is, eyes half lidded and bottom lip getting intimately associated with her teeth.
> And she's...staring...at your..butt?
> ...
> Bizarresituationanalysis.exe is beginning start up.
> Bizarresituationanalysis.exe at 10%
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> Bizarresituationaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh
> owowowowowwowowowowowow. Owch.
> Handsautopilot.exe has suffered a fatal error and will now restart.
> Do you wish to send a report?
> "Oh no! Anon are you all right?"
> Well are you?
> Actually, yes you're okay, it's not a deep cut.
"Yeah, I'm alright Fluttershy. It's not a bad cut. Although I could do with a bandaid."
"Y-yes. O-of course. Stay right there."
> You stick your finger in your mouth and give her a thumbs up with the other.
> Pressing your bloody finger against your tongue grants some relief from the pain.
> Hmm coppery. Does with count as autocannibalism?
> Oh she's back. Better rinse and dry that finger.
> One bandaid latter and you're feeling better.
> Fluttershy insist that you sit down for a little while she makes some tea to apologise.
> Not one to pass up a good cuppah you sit.
> Fluttershy fusses over you while the water boils.
> "Oh I really am sorry Anon. It was my fault."
"It's alright Fluttershy, I wasn't paying attention either. It was just as much my fault."
> She rests a hoof on your knee and presses a wing into your chest.
> "Thank you for saying that, but I still feel bad about it. I wish I could..."
> Her words trail off has her long primaries trail down your chest.
> With only your light cotton shirt between you you can feel every detail of the feathers.
> My those primaries are a lot like fingers aren't they. Tickles a little. Hehe.
> Aaannnnnd she's got that look on her face again.
> Bizarresituationanalysis.exe at 35%
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> Bizarresituationanaly FFFWEEEEEEEEEEE
> Oh there's the kettle.
> Oh and there goes that train of thought.
> Damn the distractions are getting to you too.
> You really do need to check with purplesmart about this.
> Either way it's tea time.
> After the teapot is emptied you say your goodbyes and head back towards Ponyville.
> You've got a bribe for whitegems to fulfil before you check in with purplesmart.

> There is a dapper gentleman walking down the street.
> Clad in suit of darkest black, shirt of blinding white and tie of triumphant red.
> Hidden beneath this suave outfit is a physique most fine.
> Is that actually green skin, or some sort of mask? Who knows, but it does have a question mark on it.
> This unusual man walking the streets of Ponyville is you.
> And you are, in fact, feeling pretty happy with your day so far.
> Everything on your end is ready for tonight and you've made good time in getting through your promises to your friends.
> Up ahead is the oddity of the Carousel Boutique.
> It's eye catching if nothing else.
> Within is whitegems, who you have promised some modeling time.
> After the second time you gave this bribe you asked Rararaarararaarar why she wanted you to model for her.
> She told you that it was a way for her to engage in her passion for the craft without all the pressure of deadlines.
> While standing around getting poked with pins was never your idea of a good time it's an easy trade for you to make.
> Slipping inside you don't see ararar anywhere.
"Rarity, are you in?"
> "Yes darling, I'll be with you an just a moment."
> Exactly 90 seconds later she trots out of the back area of the shop.
> "How did things go with Fluttershy?"
> You lower your tone and speak almost theatrically.
"Quite well. Many a fruit and veg was chopped. Although, there was slight slip of the hand. And while my injury is of no matter there is a potential problem."
> The White Beast of ARRRR isn't sure where you're going with this but she does seem a little concerned.
> You exaggerate your voice even further, to the point of silliness.
"It is my dressings you see."
> You present a bandaid wrapped finger to her.
"Tell me, fair Rarity, will they clash with my outfits?"
> Her face goes from concerned, to blank to scrunched in quick succession.
> She twitches slightly and the corners of her mouth hint at upwards movement.
> She takes a deep breath in through her nose and straightens her face.
> "Don't worry dear it'll be fine."
> You can hear the smile in her voice.
> You settle in for the session while rerpderpar goes and collects the outfits.
> "So. Darling. Today is going to be different from our previous session."
> Notsureifshouldbescared.gif
> "I've got together some ideas for minotaurian. fashion. The idea came to me when Fluttershy was telling me some details of her correspondence with the motivational speaker Iron Will."
> She rolls in a rack of clothing, notably lacking in pants.
> Okay now you actually are scared.
> "Now I know there are plenty of differences between you and a minotaur, but your body shapes are similar enough to give me a decent reference for my ideas."
> Don't run in a circle panicking and screaming. Don't do it Anon.
> "Now most minotaurs tend to only wear one or two articles of clothing and they're always on the upper half. So could you please..."
> Oh no. Oh. No. ohnohonohonoho
> "...take off your jacket and shirt and we'll get started."
> nohonoho...oh wait that's actually fine.
> With moves smooth from long practice you undo buttons and loosen your tie.
> With your clothes neatly piled up you take center stage and wait for your first piece.
> Rawity flicks through the hanging cloth for another second before reaching a decision.
> With a touch of TK a rust coloured vets floats towards you.
> "Hear, let's start with this one..."
> She trails off, the vest held just out of reach.
> Marshmallow Rocks looks at you, jaw hanging slightly open.
> "How? How did I never notice before now?"
"Notice what, Rarity?"
> Maybe it's the note of concern, or maybe just the noise but your question seems to bring her back to reality.
> She blinks rapidly.
> "Oh, ah, nothing you need to worry about. Just something I should have made of note of earlier. Alright now let's do this."
> Once you've taking the vest she pulls up her small camera. It's a simple thing but it does the trick for reference photos.
> Time blurs as all manner of of tops, vests and cloth based adornments grace your body.
> The whole time Vanilla Minerals has a grin on her face.
> She's a whirlwind of clothes, posing adjustments and what feels several thousand camera shots.
> At any other time you'd feel a hella awkward, standing around half nekkid, holding flexes and poses.
> But you are standing in for a minotaur and you know what they're like.
> And it's not like anyone but the two of you will ever see these photos.
> By the time you're gone through everything that Rareware had prepared, it comes as a shock when you realise that you've been at it half an hour longer than you'd planned and not even noticed.
"You know, that was kinda fun. I wouldn't mind too much to do that again some time."
> Her eyes light up like diamonds in the sun.
> "Oh yes, yes we will."
> She wanders of giggling almost manically.
> Well you're glad she's enjoyed herself. That pony really does get too caught up and stressed out by her work sometimes.
> You slip back into your own clothes.
"Rarity, I'm heading off. I'll see you later tonight."
> She pokes her head back into the room.
> "Of course darrrling. I'll see you then."
> You've never heard her roll her r's like that before.
> What's up with this shiver down your spine.
> Guess that cold front is finally rolling in.
> Well off to see purplesmart.

> In the lengthening shadows of early evening he stalks.
> A unique oddity in the land of pastel ponies.
> He seeks out one specific pony.
> And only one pony will do to answer the burning need within him.
> The need to know just what the fuck is distracting everyone in this town.
> It's a bit of a walk to the mini-castle and you want to get this out of the way soon.
> Hopefully purplesmart can explain this outbreak of distraction so you can get on with your evening.
> Well these long legs are good for something because here you are.
> Now to find the princess.
> Shouldn't be too hard, considering she's filled half the rooms in what was already a small castle with books.
> And there she is. You didn't even need to risk a bookvalanch by opening doors.
> And she's made a book fort.
> Hnnnnng. Such cuteness should not be possible by adults. It's just not fair.
"Twilight, do you have a minute? I've got a question that needs to be addressed in case it's a problem."
> "Oh Anon, hi. Come over here and ask away."
> You take a seat next to her and explain what's been bothering you.
"...and so I was wondering, could this be some sort of spell go awry or something weirder?"
> She's already intrigued.
> Eyebrows pulling down in concentration.
> Hoof under chin for stability.
> "Well there are certainly spells that can induce that sort of wide scale disruption. Thankfully if you're aware enough to look for them they're fairly easy to find and unravel. I guess I'd better take a look at you."
> She nods decisively.
> "Alright stand up and I'll do a thorough scan of you to see if anything is there."
> You rise and she lights up her horn.
> The magic is just out of visibility but you can feel it passing up and down you like a paper think puff of wind.
> And up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down and up...
> And down and up and
> "Alright that's it."
"Decontamination complete."
> She blinks "What?"
"Nothing Twilight, so what does the scanner say about my pow...body?"
> She just shakes her head at you. Sure is Pinkie in here.
> "You're perfectly fine. No magical issues at all."
"Well that's good, but that doesn't resolve the problem."
> She shifts from hoof to hoof, and her ears shit back. Seems seriously nervous.
> "Well you said that everyone was staring. And that they had trouble looking up to your face?"
"Yes that's what it seemed like."
> She lets out a sigh
> "Ahh. Well then that's not because of any spell. It's because you're just so...so...um..."
> She swallows. Oh dear this seems bad. She can't say it to you.
> Oh no is it cancer?
> OH NO. Is it magic cancer?
"If there something physically wrong with me Twilight? Am I sick or something? Please, tell me, what's wrong with my body!"
> She rears up and lays her hooves upon your chest, gently pressing you back down into a sitting position.
> "No, no, Anon. There's nothing wrong with your body. Your body is fine. Really very fine. I mean fit. In great shape. HEALTHY. You are healthy and normal and not sick."
> She pats you with a hoof.
> "Really very healthy and normal."
> OHGODITSNOTCANCER
> You're so relieved.
> You sweep Twilight up from poking your chest into a bear hug.
> She squeaks and goes stiff, but then relaxes into the hug as you gently rock from side to side.
> You stop moving.
"Wait. So why was everyone distracted and staring?"
> You look at the pony now held at arms length.
> She opens her mouth and then freezes.
> "Oh, well, that's simple. Simple really. Yes. Really very simple."
"And?"
> "Right well you've finally, really simply, adjusted. Yes. Adjusted."
"Adjusted to what?"
> You'd really like that explanation purplesmart.
> "Equus. And magic. Yes. You're finally part of our natural magic field. So instead of sticking out to our senses like you used to you just fit in. Everyone just needs to get used that that and everything will go back to normal."
> Huh. Makes Sense.
> You might go so far as to say it seems like a legitimate explanation.
"So that's all it was? Good to know. Thanks Twi."
> You put her back on the floor and ruffle her mane.
> She's leaning into the ruffle so hard that she almost trips herself over when you pull away.
> If you could put that blush in a blub it'd light up a big room.
"You right there, Twilight?"
>She sheepishly rubs the back of her head.
> "I'm fine"
"Okay well that's all I needed. I've gotta go do one last check that everything's ready so I'll see you later tonight."
"Of course. See you then."
> You head off.
> Just before you leave the room you glance back.
> Twilight is hugging herself and rocking from side to side.
> Guess she likes hugs too.

> Same Anon place (everywhere).
> Same Anon time (always).
> Same Anonymous fag (you).
> Well there's nothing left to do now but do a third check that everything is ready.
> Purplesmart would be proud.
> Home again home again jiggity jig.
> So, food, drink, esky for drinks, ice for esky...
> "Hey Nonny."
"Hi Pinky."
> "Whatcha doin, Nonny?"
"Doing one last check to make sure everything is ready."
> "Wow, Twilight sure is rubbing off on you."
> Internal giggles
> What are you, five?
> I'll have you know I'm at least 6 and a half.
"Why are you in my kitchen Pinky?"
> "Oh! Well! You know how I'm the very super duper absolute most fantabulous at parties?"
"Yes Pinky, I do know that. You have mentioned it to me."
> "Well, earlier today I was in the market saying hi to Applejack, when out of nowhere Rainbow just crashes into the ground beside us and then she got up and started saying all kinds of things, it was kinda confusing actually, but she did mention you and the party to night and I realised that I've never been to a party all about having a big fire nevermind planned one so I thought I should wait till you're free and then ask you about it so I can plan a big fire party if I need to."
> You're pretty sure she breathes in through her nose when she talks like that.
"Alright Pinky Pie. I'll give you the lowdown on bonfires. So listen up."
> She salutes you and zooms over to your side leaning up against you as she concentrates on what you're talking about.
> You're know that she's well aware of everything you're saying until you get to the actual fire.
> But she still stays glued to your side listening to everything you say.
> Makes you feel warm and fuzzy.
> The being listened to that is.
> ...
...
> Soon though you are done and night is not far off.
> There comes a knock on the front door.
> They're here.
> It's happening.

> The sun kisses the horizon as you rise to answer the door.
> You know that hammering knock and sure enough there's the Chromatic Physics Abuser (TM) herself.
> Unusually Fluttershy is with her.
"Girls, come on in. Head through to the back, Pinkies' already out there."
> Even from here you can see the group of three ponies walking towards your home.
"I'll wait here for the others."
> "Alright! This is going to be so awesome!"
> The pegasi walk past as you move out into your almost non-existent front yard.
> You give a whistle, the sharp sound carrying through the cooling evening air.
> The girls on the road look up and you wave to them, beckoning them over.
> They speed up to a trot and are quickly reach your property.
" Come on in, with you three here that's everyone."
> "Anon what should I do with the cider?"
> AJ motions to the pair of small barrels balanced on her back.
"I'll put them in the fridge for now. I've got an esky for them and other other drinks that I'll bring out once the fire is started."
> She nods and lets you take the precious liquid from her.
> Heading to the back yard you find the all six girls have made themselves comfortable on thick, sturdy rugs.
> They're arranged in a semicircle around the firepit.
> And they've even left a space for you in the middle.
> Daaaaw.
> You move over into the space, carrying a cloth wrapped item in one hand.
> It draws some looks but before they can ask you speak.
"Alright, we ready to light this up?"
> A round of varied affirmatives comes back at you.
> Pulling a box of matches from a pocket you light one up and reach into the center of the conical pile of small sticks and branches.
> You lean in close to see what you're doing as half your forearm disappears into the wood.
> "Do be careful darling! What if it all goes up?"
"Don't worry Rarity, the even the kindling won't go up instantly. That's why we've got layers."
> The loosely bunched paper in scattered in the kindling catches and holds so you back off.
"Because all the wood is cold it won't just catch fire. So you start with some scrunched up newspaper. That gets the kindling to warm up and catch an so on with the bigger pieces."
> You gesture off to the side where a pile of chopped wood and branches as thick as your arm sit against the house.
"That's why we don't have any of the big stuff in at the start. That's all too dense to burn from such a small fire, so we have to build up to it. But once we're there we can just put on a few big pieces and relax for a while, without having to monitor the fire so closely."
> They nod and smile.
> Ain't you just a regular educator.
> It's been sometime since all six of them got to just spend some time together as a group and it's obvious they relish the opportunity.
> And so do you.
> It's just so rare a thing for all six, seven, of you to have an evening free on the same day.
> While it's easy enough to meet with one friend the more lives you have to coordinate with the harder it gets.
> So when it happens it something to treasure.
> Conversations wander from topic to topic with the lack of direction that comes from long knowledge of your friends.
> Jokes, gossip and friendly ribbing make rounds like a spinning top.
> In the warmth of the fire surrounded by your friends you can honestly say,
> Life is good.
> You feel a rumble.
"How about I bring out the food and drinks?"
> "YES PLEASE!"
> Looks like you're getting food and drink.
> The instant the door closes behind you all six ponies turn to each other, eyes blazing.
> Rainbow is the first to speak.
> "Dibs."
> "Beg yer' pardon?"
> "I call dibs. He's mine. I saw him first."
> Applejack bristles.
> "Excuse you? You can't just declare him yours. It don't work like that, sugercube."
> "Why not? I had the idea first, I called it first. So why doesn't it work like that?"
> Ropeadope interjects.
> "Because we aren't just going to give up and let you have him with a fight."
> "Oh so you think you can take me?"
> Pinky is suddenly behind Dash.
> She flips around pulling a number of almost martial poses.
> "Yepperooni! It's a battle for Nonnies affection! May the most desired mare win!"
> Dash preens.
> "Well in that case, like I said, he's all mine."
> "Oh hardly. I've spent the most time with him, here and at the orchards. I really know him."
> "Well earlier today he came straight to me with a problem AND he hugged me when I resolved it for him."
> It all just descends into claim and counterclaim of precedent and circumstance.
> "Girls?"
> "RAGHLBARGLE"
> "Girls?!"
> "RUHBARBCUSTARDRUHBARBCUSTARD"
> "GIRLS!!!"
> All look to Fluttershy.
> "Um well, I was thinking, that, maybe uh...we could just...you know...share him."
> Ground meet jaws.
> It's always the quiet ones isn't it?
> Twilight recovers first.
> "Actually that could work. Herding may not be the done thing anymore but it's still perfectly legal."
> Eyes dart from friend to friend.
> "All in favour?"
> "Aye"x5 combo.
> Wide smiles break out.
> It's a little awkward to carry so many plates and mugs at once, but you do not rack for discipline.
> Or serving platters.
> And back into the night.
> The moment you step outside six heads flick towards you like some sort of horror film.
> They sure do look hungry.
> Although hunger doesn't normally have massed lip biting quite like that.
> bizzaresituationanalysis.exe is at 9005% you huge oblivious chump.
> oh
> Oh.
> OH.
> OH MYYYYYYYYYYY.
> "Anonnn~ we have a proposal for you..."
> That sultry voice. The shivers are back. Your spine was never cold was it.
> "~Come and sit with us~"
> You move mechanically, your mind too busy trying to work out how it came to this.
> They press in around you speaking in low tones.
> You don't catch more than every fourth word.
> But when those words are to the tune of "herd","everyone" and "sharing" even you can understand the meaning.
> It expands.
> But wait! You can't! They are your friends! It would be wrong.
> It speaks! wat
[Don't be a dumbass. You want this. They want this. All seven of you are happy with this arrangement. Stop being stupid and say yes.]
> It speaks the truth. Why would you even think of not accepting this. Dumbass.
> "...so we may need to look into some form of endurance enhancement."
> Oh Twilight, you need some education.
"Twilight I need to explain some things about humans."
> That brings her up short.
"Firstly; for a human one to two minutes is considered seriously fast. Five to ten is more normal. Secondly a healthy adult male can be ready to go again after another five to ten. And thirdly the more a human gets, the more they need and the more than can dish out."
> There are now six salivating ponies in your backyard.
> "Bedroom?"
> "Bedroom."x5 combo.
> As you are whisked away on a tide of horny ponies, you see the now forgotten food and cannot help but think:
[Damn I'm glad I didn't pore out any cider. This is going to take a while.]

Zeeeeeee End.