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How to Deal with Unexpected Events

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Apr 30th, 2015
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  1. Anthony's eyes darted around the room.
  2. He, or she, would have to come to terms with this sudden change later; right now all that mattered was finding
  3. somewhere to hide, anywhere would do.
  4.  
  5. "..Anthony?"
  6. Lillian called down again.
  7. For a moment silence filled the house, until it was unceremoniously disturbed by the creaking of stairs.
  8.  
  9. "The cupboard would have to do" Anthony thought.
  10. He took a step, failed, and collapsed.
  11. Desperate with only one thing on her mind, which was "hide"; she awkwardly, but with some measure of success, crawled to the cupboard, grabbed the knob on the cabinet door and turned it.
  12. "Why is it not turning?" she thought, and continued to rub her hoof on the doorknob before realizing what she was doing.
  13.  
  14. One of the problems of suddenly having your hands turn into hooves is that there still remains a 'phantom limb sensation'.
  15. Anthony had felt this 'phantom limb sensation' in his hooves, hind legs and between his legs, and he wasn't sure which of the three worried him the most.
  16.  
  17. Another thing that worried her was that Lillian had reached the ground floor and made way to the kitchen, which was just across Anthony. He sat frozen in place as his sister slouched past him; she didn't seem to notice him.
  18. There was something off about her, but Anthony couldn't place it, so he followed her with his eyes.
  19.  
  20. Lillian opened the kitchen door, scratched her butt, and took out a beer.
  21. Anthony squinted his eyes: this was slightly unusual.
  22. He then remembered that he had just changed into a purple cartoon unicorn and decided to just go with whatever was going on here.
  23. His sister had managed to open the beer, and was chugging it down much like an AA member who just couldn't stand being separated from her true love named "alcohol".
  24.  
  25. "What the fuck..." He whispered, followed by him holding his breath and scooting backwards, out of her sister's line of sight.
  26.  
  27. "Hello?" Lillian said in an unusually gruff voice, followed by a loud burp.
  28. Whatever was happening here, Anthony wasn't sure if he wanted to have anything to do with it.
  29. He got up on his legs, tried to walk away, and collapsed to the floor again with a small thud.
  30.  
  31. "I don't know what yer up ta, but ye best git outta here, lest ye want to get shivved."
  32. Lillian stepped out of the kitchen wielding a knife in one hand, a newly opened bottle of beer in the other and another few under her arm.
  33. Anthony had managed to crawl back to the living room and was now hiding under the table.
  34. He was utterly confused; he had taken on the form of a mare, while his sister seemed to have taken up alcohol, a knife and a Irish accent. This was a strange day.
  35.  
  36. He watched Lillian stumble into the living room, leaving a trail of empty beer bottles.
  37. "Where the hell is she getting those from anyway?" Anthony thought.
  38. Lillian continued shouting in a thick Irish accent.
  39. "Come on, lad, just show yerself; ye can't hide forever y--"
  40. Lillian stopped and started sniffing and pinched her nose.
  41.  
  42. Anthony's pupils shrank and he turned his head.
  43. The laxatives had started to work, which caused a vile brown liquid to leak out of his anus, over his new 'junk'.
  44. Anthony started to gag, which in turn caused more liquid fecal matter to leak and vice versa.
  45.  
  46. "Yer a disgusting cunt, I'll give ye that mate." Lillian continued, and slowly stumble-walked to her brother's direction.
  47. Anthony, now scared and nauseous, emptied his bowels and vomited on the floor.
  48. "Jesus Christ, what the fuck are you?"
  49. Lillian yelled, looking at Anthony.
  50.  
  51. Anthony, pretty much wondering the exact same thing, started to speak.
  52. "Honestly, I don't know." He said, shivering.
  53. Lillian raised her knife and advanced on him.
  54. "W-wait, It's me? A-Anthony?"
  55. She stared at the purple unicorn before going silent and wall-eyed.
  56. Lillian shook her head.
  57. "Did ye touch me lucky charms?"
  58.  
  59. Anthony frowned and opened his mouth.
  60. Overwhelmed by confusion, his vocal chords failed to produce any coherence.
  61. "Wha..eh?" he said.
  62.  
  63. "Christ almighty." Lillian finally said, calmed down and dropped the knife.
  64. Anthony was still not able to understand what was happening and stayed under the table.
  65. "...Lillian?" he asked after a few seconds.
  66.  
  67. "Fergus." Lillian, who apparently goes by the name of 'Fergus', answered, and took off his wig, revealing short red hair and a bald spot.
  68. A relatively long silence filled the room.
  69. Anthony blankly stared at his hooves, which were standing in a puddle of vomit, and cleared his throat.
  70. Fergus turned his head towards Anthony, then looked at the mess he had made.
  71.  
  72. He took a swig of his beer.
  73. "Lemme just get some towels" He took another swig. "Then I'll explain."
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