For Want of a Rock - Mavericks AU

Sometimes, it comes for me in my sleep.

It burns through, washing out every pleasant memory, every good dream. It fills my ear with static and I see nothing but red, and the faces of those who fell under me.

The static breaks out on my skin.

It tears at me piece by piece.

My ears flood with voices.

"You killed me."

"I could have had a future."

"I'm dead because of you."

"Which one of us is more human?"

The voices increase in number and in volume. The static grows closer. It tears my skin. It tears my bones. It screams, endlessly, until I can take no more.

And each time I wake up screaming.

It's been so long since I started taking those pills and I still haven't gotten over it. Each time I wake up, mouth agape, screaming, vision dark and cold sweat bathing me all over.

I'm so cold.

And then-- warmth. A soothing voice. Soft skin on mine.

Her.

The words fall out of my mouth again.

"It happened again."

"It didn't work."

I try to break away from that hold. I need to break away. She's in more danger being anywhere by me.

"I shouldn't be here. I should be locked away. I should be dead."

But her grip remains firm. My head rests on her shoulder and my arms fall limp to my sides. I'm trembling. As if all my blood turned to ice. As if it was subzero degrees in the room.

I'm not crying. She can't see me do that. I'm already pathetic as I am right now.

"I still hear them."

"I still see them."

"I'm scared."

She holds me close anyway. Until the static falls away. Until the room grows warm. Until it all comes into view again.

Until I'm myself again.