I still don't know how this could happen. I knew how weak he suddenly could become. I knew that he wasn't immortal. But it happened much too fast for me to even be able to grasp the scenario.

When Lilly left, I had to rely on Hisao for everything. Being around people did still scare me stiff, and I would often space out when doing things. Lilly helped me with that. Hisao helped me with that. And for a while, I thought I was happy. I thought I would be able to overcome my crippling anxiety and fear. Hisao was what could carry me through a day. He made me happy. He made me realize the beauty in such simple things. But not today. Everything I knew about the life I lived at Yamaku shattered during that day.

It was only a day after Lilly left for Scotland. One day. Lilly told me that she would leave, but when I asked her what I was supposed to do without her, she just smiled at me and said ”You have Hisao, right?”. I did, but not for as long as I thought.

I couldn't even see what was going on in the dorm hall. All I had heard was that a boy had collapsed in his room. That alone was enough for me to feel like my heart had been crushed by a hand.
”Please, no... Don't let it be Hisao... Please...”

When I came out on the school yard, I saw a nurse carrying a boy in his arms. The boy did have brown hair, but that was all I could make out. There was a big group of people looking at what happened, so I couldn't bring myself to get as close as I would have wanted to. They carried the boy to a waiting ambulance outside of the school gate, and it drove off.

The fear of knowing that it could be Hisao that had collapsed led me to stay in my room for the rest of the night. I didn't eat, I didn't sleep, I didn't do much of anything. Lilly wasn't here, so the day was spent curled up in a ball on my bed.I could only think about Hisao and Lilly.

In the end, I did manage to get a few hours of sleep, but a knock on the door woke me up the next day. I had to gather my thoughts before I opened, and to my surprise it was Mutou  who was standing there. He looked pale and he had a worried look on his face.
”Hanako, I have to talk to you about something.”
”W-what?”
”Yes. It's about Hisao.”
”N-no...”
I backed off and let him in, and he sat down on my office chair while I walked over to the bed.
”I assume that you know about what happened yesterday?
”N-no, I don't..”
”Oh. Well, I'm terribly, terribly sorry that I have to tell you this, but Hisao had a cardiac arrest yesterday. The nurses did everything they could do to help him, but he was declared dead this morning.”

My eyes widened, and all I could do was to stare at Hisao. The knot in my stomach that had been there since yesterday began to grow. I tried to say something, but I couldn't even make a single sound. Tears began to break through my eyes. I kept staring at Hisao, but he just became blurrier and blurrier before the tears that were streaming down my chins began to hit the floor.
”A-a-are you sure it was Hisao?” I managed to force out, but it was more like a wisper.
”Yes.”

I couldn't bring myself to go to class today either. It's been a week since I heard the words that made me even more miserable than I had been earlier. It's been a week where my thoughts have consisted of nothing but Hisao.
”I-I didn't even get the chance to tell him how much he means to me... Why did it happen to him...”

There's only one thing I can do now. Lilly is not with me. Hisao is not with me. The boy I love is dead and the only person I can call a friend is in Scotland. I might as well end it all while I still have the chance. One step will be all it takes for me to disappear from this world. One step to make the pain go away.

”Suicide, you say?”
The police officer scribbled down some words in a notebook.
”Yes, that's the most likely scenario,” Mutou muttered. ”Hanako has always been a mentally unstable person, but I think hearing about Hisaos death is what pushed her over the edge. I'm actually a bit surprised that it hasn't happend earlier.”