Coco Pete

So last weekend, in need of some cash, I responded to a Craigslist ad looking for help at a Garden Show. The guy I was working for - Steve -  sold potting soil called Coco Peat, he had some pretty entertaining stuff to say.
- Micheal

Other vendor - How's the show going?
Steve - Any show I don't get arrested at is a good one!

Me - Steve, I accidentally spilled deer repellent on a customer! She's left to clean it off.
Steve - Well did you get any on you?
Me - No.
Steve - So we're all good!
*She came back and bought two bottles

Customer - Can I take a card?
Steve - No, because you're not going to buy.

Customer with roses or something walks by
Steve - Coco Peat works great on roses! I just helped my ex-wife put some in at the house. The best part of it is, I don't have to live there any more!
Customer(a little surprised) - Yeah, but some other guy is going to be in that house now!
Steve - That's the best part, I don't have to have sex with her any more!

Customer - Oh, what is that?
Steve - Do you do much gardening?
Customer - Well no...
Steve - Then it doesn't matter.

An old lady and her husband walk by in matching Memorial day outfits
Old lady- Do you give senior citizens discounts?
Steve - What for?
Old lady - Uhhh....
Steve - You want a discount for being lazy and putting the country in a trillion dollar deficit that my kids won't even be able to get out of? What else do you not pay for?

Steve (to me)- Sometimes at a show, somebody gets pissed off and says "give me your card, I'm telling your boss!" so I act scared and give them my card and wait for them to read it. Then they realize that my names is the only one on there, and they look, and I say "What would you like to tell me?" With the right smile you can say anything.

Steve (to me) - A few weeks ago, I did an RV show. I don't know why the fuck I did it, people who RV don't want any potting soil. So I opened a bag and took a piece of cardboard and made a ten foot line of it on the floor. When people walk by I offered them a PVC pipe and said "Wanna get high?"

Steve (to me on saturday) - Micheal, will you load up three blocks?
Steve (to me on sunday morning) - William, will you load up three blocks?
Steve (to me on sunday afternoon) - Trevor, will you load up three blocks?

Steve (to me) - Steve, the lady in that booth came by and asked about your stuff.
*He looks over at what she's selling*
Steve (to me) - Well usually I like to trade other vendors... but not that crap. I'd trade her some Coco Peat in return for 27.95 (that's full price) and NOT any of her Shitty artwork!

I should add as a note - this guy sold a LOT of stuff between the two days. He also told me that he's working on creating a pilot for a hidden-camera reality TV show (like Lizard Lick Towing, only less scripted and re-shot) about him.