Thread 93: Stories 1-15

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>Luna
"???"
~~~

Alone, seen by none, heard by even less, a certain azure pony of the night made her way clear of the others. Spirited off to the depths of her room, her sanctuary, to hide away from the world so that none may hear.

Only here, in this place of solitude, did she allow her head to roll back in regal grace, mane of stars and night skies flowing freely as she called out to the beyond.

>NIGHTGUARD! WE CALL UPON THEE!

With nary a sound, nor sight, she knew they had entered into her room, silent as they were deadly.

...Well, more silent than that, as they were not particularly deadly. Decently skilled, of course, but it's not as if she would have these unstoppable warriors of the night and just choose never to use them on the many, many occasions her kingdom came under attack. That would be silly.

Still, they were more than skilled enough for this.

>We have missions for thee. Thou art to seek out how mine fellow princess's lab was compromised. With this, find any who are involved, and detain them...

She turned, hard eyes staring into inky blackness that she knew they resided in.

>But be warned, guards. Speak not to them. Merely detain until we, and only ourselves, question them. This is a matter most dire, and we shall not tolerate any digression from our command.

She didn't need to see them to know they were nodding, and saluting.

>Good. Go now, and do as we command. Seek out the answers and return them to me... quickly.

She put only the barest hints of emphasis on the end, but the point was made, she knew. They would have left right away, had she not spoken one last time.

>Oh, and one more thing... stop calling Glimmer Sugar-mama.

"Awww, but we-"

>NO BUTS! We are the only one of sugar in this room, got it!

"...Princess, do you know what that means?"

>Of course we do, don't be silly!... now be gone!

With that, they indeed were gone. But, strange, Luna thought.

She could have sworn, there in the darkness, she saw quite a lot of blushing...

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NC
>Twilight
‘Flash Sentry’

>F-Flash!? Is that you!?

‘Princess. Twilight. Sparkle.

>HEY! How are you? How have you been? What are you up to these days?

‘Still a horrifying monstrosity you created thanks.’

>…

‘…’

>Want to come back to my lab for tea?

Flash’s eyes went wide and he stared at her incredulously.

‘Did you actually just invite me back to your lab under the exact same pretenses as when you did all this to me!?’

>…no?

Flash facehoofed.

‘Actually princess, y’know what I have a question for you. A very important question actually.

>Oh? What?

She said excitedly.

‘Where is my dick?’

She blinked at him.

>…what?

‘My dick! My schlong! My twig and berries! WEDDING TACKLE! Where is it!? Because I can’t find it since I got out of that tube. It’s not where I remember it being. Whenever I go to pee some kind of weird door opens on my undercarriage and eight weird mechanical tentacles come out. I THINK one of them pees. To be honest I haven’t had the courage to watch the whole process but it leaves me wondering where my factory issued equipment went!

>I…I…

‘You what!? It’s a simple enough question isn’t it!? I had a dick, now it is missing, and there are tentacles. What did you do to me!?

>Um…that is…

‘Am I a Eunuch or a Dicktapus!? Answer me!

>I don’t know!

‘…what?’

>Look it was like, a year ago. I don’t remember everything I did. So…I don’t know where your dick is, or if it is one or all of those…tentacle…things.

‘I…see…’

>Sorry?

‘Not really cutting it.’

>…want apology tea? In my lab?

‘Princess Twilight. If I had a horribly deadly, flesh eating virus, and having tea with a mare was the only cure, and all other mares on the face of this planet were dead aside from you...I’d flip a coin.’

So saying he started up his rockets and flew away.

>…So your sayin’ there’s a chance!

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OOCO
>Screwloose
“12”
~~~~

>…I swear I don’t.

“Right.”

>No, seriously, it's… that’s not right, I-quit looking at me like that.

“Looking? At you? No, not me. What cause would I have to give you any type of look?”

>Really, stop it. There’s no way I could have caused that.

“Caused what, my dear Screwloose?”

>That! That… delicious river of red leaking from your nose. You must be defective.

“You can say whatever you have to to make yourself feel better but the fact remains. The moment you put your head on my shoulder, my nose started bleeding.”

>…Are you saying you’re allergic to me or something? Fine time to bring that shit up now!

“I see. Allow me to clarify then, see if I can’t crack this armor of denial. Ahem. The moment that you, Screwloose, thought I looked a little famished, you decided to take it upon yourself as my self-proclaimed new Queen to feed me love. Correct?”

>M’kay, yeah. Still following.

“First you suggesting lapping it up through your hoof. I declined-”

>Which is some sort of treason I’m sure but we’ll get back to that.

“-so then we decided on contact, something simple like putting your head on my shoulder. Also correct, yes?”

>Starting to get iffy minded here but so far, still with you.

“Following that, you scotched closer, fiddled over your mane for some unexplained reason-”

>Shut up….

“-and then coughed very awkwardly into your hoof-”

>Wasn’t even that awkward….

“-and then finally put your head on me. Only to jump back an instant later when my nose started gushing.”

>I don’t recall jumping. Jerking, maybe, I’ll give you jerking….

“Afterwards, you thought I was dying and almost jabbed yourself in an attempt at a blood transfusion knowing full-well we aren’t compatible by any stretch.”

>…I would’ve made it work.

“So, in summation, not only did you overload me on love but you’re now blushing.”

>I’ll please you to shut your face, pervert, before I fill it with my hoof.

“…Your ears are folded back.”

>IT’S COLD!

“Yeah, I suppose giving away that much love would leave one shivering, yes.”

>…

“You really care about me, don’t you?”

>…

Taking her silence as acquiesce, Twelve scooted closer to the blushing mare and ran his muzzle over her cheek.

She twitched and glanced off to the side, her lips forming a childish pout.

>What’re you doing…?

“I can’t give you love like how you gave it to me… so this is the next best thing.”

The slightest of embarrassed whimpers escaped Screwloose as she slowly facehoofed herself, desperately wishing to phase through the floor.

>…Do you get off on seeing me flustered, perv?

“Meh, we all have our kinks, Screws.”

>…Okay, now you’re just playing dirty.

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>Changeling
"Changelings"
'???'
~~~~~

>...You know what? This is bullshit!

"SHHH!"

>NO! I don't want to be locked up in here! This isn't fair! All we did was shoot the strongest Queen on the planet and then try to hoof-fight her, that's all!

"..."

>And then, sure, we also joined up with the guys who mobbed us and tried to shoot us with lasers and ice, what of it!?

"...you... you can hear yourself, right?"

>This is bull, that's what this is! So, I'm not gonna take it anymore!

"What are you doing?"

"He's not."

>I'm going out there, and I'm saying something!

"...he is."

"I call his not-drafty-spot!"

>I'm going out there, and-

He swung open the doors, only to find himself face to face with a certain, stoic, multi-fused helmeted changeling.

'Is there an issue, 22?'

>...you, uh... you recognize me?

'Quite precisely, you are quite distinct to certain eyes meant to fight infiltrators. Why, I do believe I could pick you out even if you were disguised, if I may be so boastful.'

>...

'Did you have something you wanted?'

>...

'...'

>...g... glass of water?

With a bit of green magic, she summoned exactly that over, and put it in his hooves.

>T-thaaaaanks...

'Don't mention it. Feel free to ask if you need anything else, anything at all.'

>C-c-can dooooo.

'Good.'

Softly, gently, she shut the doors.

>..

"..."

>...i... I got my water, and this is what I wanted, thus I win.

"...seriously?"

>LET ME HAVE THIS!

Sip.

Outside, Forty Two shrugged, and got back to watching them.

'The hell was he shaking for? I just wanted to know if he needed something... meh, maybe it's cold in there, I'll have someone go get them some blankets... blankets are nice, and they will appreciate them... good thinking, me. That is surely the problem...'

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OOCO
>AJ
“Spike”
‘Rarity’
~~~~

>Consarnit…ungh!

“…”

>Nngh! Stupid things, why won’t they jus’….

“…”

>A pox on the dolt that sent me these, how’m Ah’ supposed tuh’….

“…”

>C’mon… c’mooooooon… almost, almost, allllmo-SUGAR HONEY ICED TEA ON A STICK!

“…”

>Why… won’t… y’all… get… on! ERRRRGH!

“…”

‘Oh I’m the type of pony everypony, everypony should kno- oh! Spike dear, what in Equestria are you doing just standing outside Applejack’s door like some sort of... of …oooooh my! Are we… are we peeping on her? Is the orange darling in a state of sultry undress?’

“…”

‘Spike…? Spikey-Wikey? Marshmallow Princess to Lizard King, are you home, darling?’

“…”

‘Hmph! Well scoot aside then, you shan’t keep moi from such a ravishing sigh-’

And it was at that moment, upon scooting the door ajar just a bit farther, that Rarity beheld Applejack, the princess of paperwork, struggling to put on four Hearths Warming themed socks at once.

And failing miserably. With much flailing. Much cursing. And much cute.

And it was at that moment that Rarity’s heart exploded in a sea of ‘HNG’, just as Spike’s had done earlier.

>HOW'D ONE GET ON MAH' TAIL?

"..."

'...'

Now, at last, she understood.

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>Shining Armour
"Celestia"

>...Well

"Hmm? Oh, hand me the hoof towel, that one other there"

>Sure,... so, aside from all that-

"Is it about Cadence?"

>Cadence shou- wait.. how did you know?

"You haven't known? You always get this quiver in your voice when you talk about her, like your a slight bit embarrassed"

>That's not...embarrased?

"Oh Shiny, you always get this cute widdle wibble when you talk about your wife, like it's a poor little kitten, it's just adorable

"Ahem, well...okayiguessido, but ANYWAY, I think Cadence could use some..

"Guidance? Well we are trying to get her to put papers into a folder last I checked, maybe we should get 18 in on it-"

>Talking about our... thing... the... polygons?

"Oh?"

>Yeah, not so fun when I'm the one cutting you off, Sunbutt

"Oh you Bubbly horse you, but, is there something you're worried about?"

>Hrmm, you know when 42 kissed her, you saw that plume of flame?

"... You mean that wasn't Pointdexters spell? Also, turn around, your tails still wet"

>I recognised that flame, it's when a changeling gets -enh- a little too.. pent up?

"Yes, yes, go on"

>And, do you think that was just the simulator acting up or, something legit...like...love?

"Shiny, if the simulator could convince me that Applejack's buttcheeks had slimmed down somehow in that silly looking mage outfit, it could probably convince me 42's helmet got sauteed from some in universe magic macguffin"

>I just want to know what’s up, before something -mmh- blows up on us

“Again”

>Not even a year apart

“I’m sure you can figure it out, if anything, please, do send Cadence my way, myself and Luna haven’t really had a proper heart to heart in… goodness knows how long”

>Ah, thanks Celly

“No problem Shiny, now, off you go

SLAP

>YEEP!

“…I didn’t flick the towel that har-“

>NOPE, NOPE.., nope… just… locker room flashbacks…long time ago… bad day….baaaad day

“…”

>…N-

CRACK!

>EEEK!

“Mmffhhaahhaha~”

>Don’t yo-

SMACK!

>DON’T MAKE ME CHUCK YOU BACK IN THERE!

“TRY ME!”

>NO!

WHUPAH!

>YAHOW!

“I’m the tickle monster~ FROM HELL!”

THWACK!

>EEK!

“You can’t escape the towels Bubblebutt!”

[Cue Shiny being pursued around the castle by a towel whip flailing Celestia]

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 >Pinkie
"18"
~~~~

"Where's Dash off to?"

>Oh, you know... wreak horrible vengeance, do something really rash, probably a lot of screaming and someone might have a hoof print on their tooshie by the time this is all over, ya' knoowwww.

"...tooshie?"

>Booty.

"..."

>Backside.

"..."

>...You know what I mean.

"I just wanted to hear you say it."

>...

"..."

>...Butt.

"HEE HEE!"

>Some crowds are easier than others, but you've always got to give it your all.

"Heee!"

>Was not intentional that time, but I'll take it.

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 >41
"???"

Draaaaag...

>This is bullshit.

"..."

Draaaaag...

>I want you to know this is bullshit.

"..."

>I wasn't involved in that scrap at all! My best friend is a guard, for crying out loud!

"..."

Draaaaag...

>I mean, yeah, we tried to stop Chitania, but who wouldn't have? She was going nutso after Captain What's His Face accidentally gave her a laser money shot, I had to do something!

"..."

Draaaaaaag...

>Coulda at least let me say goodbye to Pu-

"Are the doors open?"

>Huh?

"Are the ballroom doors open?"

>Yeah why-?

TOSS!

>AAAAAAHHH!

Crash!

>...ungg...

"Sorry, Queen's orders."

Ka-Door Slam!

>...friggen...Punchbug Classic...

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 >Actarius
"JJ"
'Two'
~~~~~

'So, Mommy says I need ta' say thanks for makin' sure I didn't get punched by robots, so... thanks!

>Hey, no problem.

"...well, slight problem, the doctor said you have hairline fractures along your-"

>NO. PROBLEM.

"Please don't strain, the blood vessel in your eye might-"

>NGGHHHHHH.

"Blown like last saturday night."

'Huh?'

"We made water balloons last saturday."

'Ohhhhhh.'

>But seriously, like I was going to let you get hurt? Come on.

'Yeah!... Uh, well, not that they could'a hurt me, cause Ah've gots enough love in me they could probably shoot me with a missile and it wouldn't knock me down, but it's the thought that counts!'

>...H-heh, yeah.

'I mean, I prolly wouldn'a even gotten a scratch if they punched me, but I'm glad ya' did it instead, that looked scary.'

>Little bit.... are you really-

"Harder than the night with all the rose petals."

'Huh?'

"We went to a fair that let you dip rose petals in magical liquid metal, made an AMAZING centerpiece for the table!"

'Ohhhh, that sounds fun!'

"Pfft, if you think that's fun you should've seen what we got up to in the bathtub!"

'Huh?'

"We had to clear out an old bathtub to put in a new one, so we brought it to the top of the stairs and slid down and out the front door."

'Ohhhhh! That does sound fun!'

"It was!"

'Well, thank ya' mister Acty! Daddy says we gotta get ready to go home now, after we get ready. Somby's gonna feel bad for a while, so I gots ta' go cheer him up.'

>Hey, I get it. Have fun, little ling.

'Bye mister Acty, mister JJ!'

*Leaves*

"...I want one. We should get one for us."

>What?

"A jello cup, I am SO JEALOUS!"

>I can't taste anything right now.

"More for me! Slurping like last night after all that wine!"

>...

"...Because of the noodles."

>Oh, right, noodles. Sorry, I think I need to... see Fausty again... night niiiight...

"....who the fuck is Faust?"

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 >Chrysalis
"Celestia"

>AH! There you are, where were you?

"Nowher in particular"

>...What were you doing?

"Nothing that's your business"

She only faintly licked her lips, impressing herself given how little Chrysalis noticed it

>Hmph, well, you really need a check on those stupid figurines

"Not my fault, honest!"

>I mean come on! Last thing I need is the upholstery waking up and attacking my Hive cos one of your jerkbag Guards accidently cast the wrong spell form a bottle or whatever thoser things were.

"Well, yes... we do need a lid on these kind of things"

>Geez, what next, huh? Comic Books? Spooky scary comics terrorising us?

"...I thought you liked Maniac's antics"

>Oh sure, HER arc is cool, but have you seen the other comic book villains and superheroes? Ugh, not only overpowered, but dull as all hell too.

"...huh"

>I know! Where's the fun in fighting a guy if you already know what line or move he's gonna pull...

"Hmm, fair enough."

>Man, we gotta get back to the Empire, double quick

"You could do that....orrrrrr"

>..rrrrrr?

She holds up a pair of strung up towels

"You can chase Shiny with me with these things?"

>...You sly dog

WUPAH

'UNCLE!

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 >Applejack
"Spike"
'???'
~~~~~~

"I can literally see your muscles tensing in preparation for this."

>It ain't gonna be pretty, Spike. Ah' can just tell, Ah' can just tell there's gonna be all the paperwork waitin' for me.

"It... might not be that bad?"

>...

"...I'm trying to be optimistic here."

>And Ah' love it, loverboy. Ah' really do. But right now, Ah' gotta face the cold hard facts. Ah'm bout ta' get mah rear in this room, and what Ah'm gonna see ain't gonna be pretty, it ain't gonna be fun, and Ah'm gonna feel bad fer-

SLAM!

Both dragon and mare froze, growing still as the door to her office flung open of a ghostly accord. Only it wasn't a ghost.

It was a mare holding what looked to be a very large stack of papers indeed, but only 'particularly busy day' large, not 'oh dear Celestia we'll be tasting ink for a week' large. That stack of papers made its way into the claws of Spike the dragon, and the mare in question rolled her shoulders a bit before trotting out of a neat, clean room.

A clean room with so, so many papers in the 'done' pile.

>...Eighteen? Wha... what're ya'-

'Shhhhh, shhhh shhh shhh... shush. That right there is the legal stuff, I'm not touching that, but repairs, city workers and paychecks...'

That seemed to be all she had to say before she trotted off, done and done, leaving the two staring stunned, and alone.

>...

"...yay?"

>...

"...not yay?"

>Ah'... ah' don't know how ta' feel right now.

"Happy because it's done but bad because someone did it for you instead of your own hard work?"

>...

"...You gonna be okay?"

>...

"...mares and Gentlecolts, Applejack has left the building for peer review, and will be back shortly."

>...

"...nnnggg-"

>Don't touch mah hair clips.

"DAMN!"

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 >13
"Sweet Note"
~~~

>You can't think this is going to work.

"Suga bean, ya' just don't know ponies like I know 'em."

>I think I do, and let me tell you, nobody, absolutely nobody, is going to want to publicly defend my mom. They would shit themselves being in the same room as her.

"Like I said, don't know them like I do. Ya know what really gets ponies going? More than fear, even? It's love honey cakes! It's love."

>And you're under the impression anyone love my mom besides those currently present?

"Ain't about her, Mini-Chitty, it's a love of the gold, the shiny-shiny, the bits baby! It's all about the bits. This here? Slam dunk, easy case. Like gettin' run over by a rich ponies cart. This right here is such an easy win they'd be crazy not to take it! How you look to others don't mean a thing when that shiny-shiny is shaken' in your face, ya get me?"

>Think you're crazy.

"Yeah, well, we'll see who's crazy when Chitty's got enough to buy her onna them there big fancy airships!"

>...

"...she'd let me ride with her, right? I've always wanted to go on one of those, but you know... They don't let ponies like me on board."

>Sure.

"EEEE!"

>You are making it really hard to crush your dreams right now with reality...

"This is gonna work!"

>... So hard....

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>29
"MM"
'Zecora'
~~~~~

"Mail call! 29, one for you today."

>Oh joyous of days! A letter of mine own? From who, hark, I call to thee? Whom has sent unto me this grand piece of work? Tis another advertisement? Another request to gyrate mine body so grand in front of the crowd, or perhaps-... oh, 56. Okay.

"Awwww, I think it's cute he writes you little letters."

>Do not, mine cousin only writes when something has happened.

"...oh."

'Oh? Well then, so not keep us on the edge of our seat. Tell us, what fate did thine kin meet?'

>...Hey cuz, you missed it, The Mega Plot got shot or something and she was really really mad and then beat up all the guards and changelings, and then tiny figures of some kinda game or something took over all the robots and made them go crazy and fight everyone. But don't worry, I held and only went at the Mega Plot kinda once before she kicked me out a window. I almost made it the whole time to not go at it, but ya' know, it's the megaplot. The thing of legend is, like you say, a thing worthy of most haste or something!... But it's cool, we're good, bye!'

"..."

'...'

>...that's all it says.

"..."

'...Do not take this the wrong way, and that I say this has nothing to do with you looking like bugs... but tell me twenty nine, and please do be honest here, did you give your cousin any of my drugs?'

>NO!

'Ah... then, they are not the only ones... I have SEVERAL questions.'

"Niney? Do you uh... want to go up?"

>...nah.

"Nah?"

>Mine cousin is fine, that should be it.

"...don't want to help with the cleanup?"

>AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

'That's a no.'

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 Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Luna"
'Cadence'
[DT]
~~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter and the people are lively!

"There you are. You were told to stay put."

>We...got separated. I see you found Cadence though.

'Yeah and I got a neat sword!'
Cadence raises a sword with a heart insignia on it. Luna takes it back turning and the insignia turns back into a moon.
'Oh...a neat sword!'
She raises the sword whip which turns pink with hearts.

[...that's right. I got a cool backpack.]

>This is great! Pink pony club reunited plus upgraded swag!

"I am not part of your club. I'm not even pink."

>You're a spiritual member in our eyes! Right girls?



'Totally!'

>We can probably help you dye your coat pink and-

"No."

>Alright, then before we continue on I want to give an amazing talk about facing our nightmares and about-

'[Skip text]'

>But there's a cheery song that-

'[SKIP TEXT!]'

Pinkie frowns
>Fine...it's copyrighted anyway.


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OOCO
>AJ
"SA"
'Celestia'
~~~~
>Alright, this here has gone too far.

"Well, one of us is clearly going to have to leave."

>...

"It's not going to be me."

>Go back to yer' own dang castle!

'You clearly should, and Applejack, see him off.'

>No, Tia!

'It's my castle! I can do it if I want!'

>Go to yer' own bathroom!

'My shower is clogged again!'

>HINT HINT!

'I do not shed!'

"You do a little."

>Ah'm not goin' in after ya'll again! It looked like Discord exploded a cat in there!

'I do not shed!'

>And ya'll use up all the soap! ALL OF IT!

"I get dirty training."

>Get outta the bathroom, both of ya'll!

'"..."'

>...Oh no, no no no, ya'll did the look. Don't you do that look. Ah' will-

"A-hem. We are all politicians in this room, no?"

>Shinin', NO!

'Applejack, answer the question. Are we not politicians?'

"Are. We. Not?"

>...Fine, yeah, we're politicians, so Ah'm puttin' sanctions on-

"So clearly, we should put this to a vote, and majority wins."

>You idiots, we'll just vote fer' ourselves, how does that-

"I vote for me and Tia at the same time."

'Seconded.'

>...that... that ain't fair.

"Motion to oppose?"

>AYE!
"All against?"
"'AYE!"'

'Ayes have it, motion passes, the conjoined juncture of Shining Armor and Princess Celestia get first dibs on the shower and tub.'

>...B-but... but mah' soap... and the hair.

'Shiny, can you get my back?'

"Of course!"

>Ah'm tellin' yer' wife.

"Go for it. Hey, Celly, pass me the soap, I need to get all over here, got the weirdest itch."

>...Ah'm tellin' Luna.

'Go for it. And bubblehorse, I insist you let me return the favor.'

>...this ain't fair.

"Hey, want to sing in the shower?"

'Do I?'

>...

*FLUSH!*

"OH FUCK IT'S SO COLD!"
'WHYYYYY!'
>This is all ah' can do ta' get back at ya'... it'll have ta' do.
"COLLLLLDDD!"

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