Fluffspeak - A Primer

Feyascia, September 18, 2015; 20:39 / FB 33576
=======================================================================================================================================
Fluffspeak - A Primer

By Fey

****************

Fluffies were designed to be friendly, happy, and absurdly cute (for some board director's idea of 'cute').  As a result, fluffykind uses a peculiar English dialect dubbed Fluffspeak.

The following rules and examples are intended to help content creators create 'cutesy', readable, and canon-consistent speech for their fluffies.

(For the sake of reducing clutter, I have forgone the convention of using quotation marks to denote quoted words and have instead employed underlining.)


****************
PRIMARY FLUFFSPEAK
****************

01:  THE GOLDEN RULE OF FLUFFSPEAK
- Replace each and every "r" and "l" with a "w".
- (And replace each and every "R" and "L" with a "W".)
- This is the primary fluffy lisp, the minimum requirement for qualifying as Fluffspeak.

+ THE GOLDEN COROLLARY OF FLUFFSPEAK
- Do NOT add any extra "w"s or "W"s beyond those added for THE GOLDEN RULE.

+ FWUFFY NAMES
- 90% of all fluffy names contain at least one "r" or "l" in its human pronunciation.  It is hilarious and adorable when a fluffy can't even say its own name right.


02:  THE PHYRITIC RULE OF FLUFFSPEAK
- Be consistent!  Whichever speech rules you use in a universe (which can be as small as an isolated story), apply those rules for all Fluffspeak in that verse.
- THE PHYRITIC RULE can be broken by particular, established cases: regional dialects, a fluffy of unusual intelligence, a fluffy taught words by a human or a wise mentor, etc.  If you do something like that, then the speech patterns of each group/individual need to be kept consistent unless something happens to change them.  (After which, be consistent again until...)


03:  THE SILVER RULE OF FLUFFSPEAK
- Your Fluffspeak needs to be fluidly comprehensible to the reader. (speech from drunk fluffies and the like excluded)
- If any words or sentences have been deformed beyond easy comprehension, lighten up on the deformations.
- ALWAYS reread your Fluffspeak, preferably both in your head and out loud (turn your voice up a few octaves for best results).
- This rule does NOT supersede THE GOLDEN RULE.


04:  FLUFFIES DO NOT USE FIRST-PERSON SINGULAR PERSONAL PRONOUNS
- "I", "me"
- A fluffy will never use "I" or "me" to refer to itself.  If a fluffy has a name, title, or descriptor ("Emewawd", "smawty", "mummah", etc) the fluffy can use that in their place.  A fluffy can always use "fwuffy" to refer to itself.
- In some canons, a named fluffy will always use "fwuffy" when lying.


05:  FLUFFIES & OTHER FIRST-PERSON PERSONAL PRONOUNS
- "us", "we"; "my", "mine"; "our", "ours"
- It is greatly preferred that a fluffy not use the above words.  Instead use a name, title, or descriptor: "fwuffy's", "smawty's", "Jewew's", etc; "fwuffies", "hewd", "famiwy", etc; "fwuffies'", "hewd's", "famiwy's", etc.


06:  FLUFFIES & THIRD-PERSON SINGULAR PERSONAL PRONOUNS
- "he", "she", "it"; "him", "her"; "his", "hers", "its"
- It is preferred that a fluffy not use the above words.  Instead replace them with a name, title, or descriptor: "fwuffy", "Daddeh", "nice wady", "bwuddah", etc; "fwuffy's", "Daddeh's", "nice wady's", "bwuddah's", etc.
- The above words can be used if replacing them clutters up a sentence too much.


07:  FLUFFIES & SECOND-PERSON PERSONAL PRONOUNS
- "you"; "your"
- Fluffies can use "yu" and "yuw".  They are just as likely to use a name, title, or descriptor, though.
- (I reason that the direct-address nature of "you" is simpler to grasp than third person pronouns ["you" always just means whomever the fluffy is talking to] and less abstract than first-person pronouns [a fluffy thinks of itself as a fluffy, not an 'I'].)
~ "Dis am yuw beddie" / "Dis am yu beddie" / "Dis am Wavenda's beddie."


08:  BEING VERBS
- "is", "am", "are", etc; + "will"
- Fluffies frequently replace "is" or "are" with "am".
~ "We are sneaky."		> "Fwuffies am sneakie!"
~ "This baby is a great baby."	> "Dis babbeh am bestest babbeh."
- Fluffies sometimes completely leave out "is", "are", "am", "will", etc.
~ "We are sneaky."		> "Fwuffies sneakie!"
~ "This baby is a great baby."	> "Dis babbeh bestest babbeh."
~ "I, Rex, will be the best fluffy ever." > "Wex be bestest fwuffy evah!"


09:  ARTICLES
- "a", "an", "the"
- Fluffies sometimes leave out articles.
~ "But I am not a toy." > "But fwuffy nu am toy..."


10:  NOT TO BE
- When a fluffy is saying that subject Y is not thing/quality X; it usually takes the form of "Y nu [is/am/transitive verb] X".
~ "This is not spaghetti."		> "Dis nu am sketties!"
~ "[This] foal smells bad."	> "Babbeh nu smeww pwetty."
~ "I am not a mother anymore."	> "Fwuffy nu am mummah nu mowe!  Huuhuuhuu!"


11:  THE STANDARD FLUFFY DICTIONARY (AKA FLUFFYISMS)
- Fluffies have a built-in (or otherwise universal) set of words for things and concepts that are expected to be common to the fluffy experience.  A baby is a "babbeh", milk is "miwkies", water is "wawa", and so on.  Fluffies can (by some canons) be taught other words for those common concepts, but these words are the default words a fluffy will use.
- A larger list is given at the end of this document.


12:  LURK MORE!
- The best way to learn Fluffspeak is to read it.  Go back and read some of the classic authors of the Booru.
- There are all kinds of little things that can be done with Fluffspeak: dropping words, smushing two small words into a single word, alternate cutesy spellings, etc.  Some options are listed below, but there are still other things that can be done.


****************
OPTIONAL THINGS
****************

+  THE SILVER RULE applies heavily here.  Do not deform words beyond recognition.
+  Many of the deformations here share similarities with various Fluffyisms; even if you don't use a general application of a deformation, retain the forms of related Fluffyisms.


13:  FROM THERE TO DEWE
- "th*"
- For small, common words that begin with "th", Fluffspeak can replace the "th" with a "d" (also "Th" with "D").
- As with other letter replacements, it is important to not deform a word beyond recognition.  Ex, turning "their" into "deiw" doesn't flow well.
~ "the"		> "da", "de"
~ "this"		> "dis"
~ "that"		> "dat"
~ "they"		> "dey"
~ "there"		> "dewe"
~ "those"		> "dose"
~ "these"		> "dese"


14:  NUUUUUUUU!
- "*o", others
- For small, common words that end in a long "o" or long "u" sound, that part of the word can be replaced with a "u".  This softens the word and makes it more suitable to the high-pitched voice of the fluffy or makes the word look more 'cutesy'.
~ "to"		> "tu"
~ "no"		> "nu"
~ "so"		> "su"
~ "go"		> "gu"
~ "do"		> "du"
~ "you"		> "yu"
~ "new"		> "nyu"
~ "know"		> "knu", "kno", "no"


15:  EH
- "*y", others
- If a word with two or more syllables ends with a long "e" sound, that part of the word can be replaced with "eh".
~ "kitty"		> "kitteh"
~ "baby"		> "babbeh"
~ "funny"		> "funneh"
~ "runny"		> "wunneh"
~ "daddy"		> "daddeh"


16:  AH
- "*er"
- If a word with two or more syllables ends with "er", the "er" can be replaced with "ah".
~ "litter"		> "wittah"
~ "other"		> "udah" (Applies multiple deformations.  Very fancy)
~ "thriller"	> "thwiwwah"
~ "bother"		> "bothah"
~ "monster"	> "munstah"


17:  IE
- Some words get an "ie" slapped on to the end because of cutesy.
- Some words with this actually get "sie" to make the sounds fit; useful for words that end in a vowel sound.
- Plurals are then made by placing an "s" on the end, even for nouns that are usually irregular.
~ "toy"		> "toysie"; "toysies"
~ "hoof"		> "hoofie"; "hoofies"
~ "block"		> "bwockie"; "bwockies"
~ "grass"		> "gwassie"; "gwassies"
~ "sheep"		> "sheepie"; "sheepies"


18:  COMBOS
- Dependent on headcanon: fluffies understand the world through the limited concepts available to them, but these concepts fill few gaps in the wide and scary world.  A fluffy may have to mash together two or more existing concepts to describe something.  X plus Y = "X-Y".  This can either result in a simple word mash (a new thing that is both X & Y) or, as I prefer, an entirely new and independent concept (a new thing that IS an X-Y)
~ Maybe fluffies don't naturally know what a car is.  They do, however, know "metaw" (hard surface/material, can cause owwies) and "munstah" (scary, loud, mysterious).  Combining the two gives them "metaw-munstah", a mysterious and powerful entity that is the fearsome predator of the black-rockies places.
~ A cloud can be a "sky-fwuffy".
~ A phone can be a "tawkie-boxie".
~ A dumpster can be a "nummies-boxie".
~ A forest can be a "twee-pwace" or a "big-twee-pwace".
~ Acid might be "meanie-buwnie-wawa", "meanie-huwtie-wawa", "huwtie-buwnie-wawa", or even "meanie-huwtie-buwnie-wawa".
- The concepts these describe do not have to be completely unfamiliar concepts.  Niche or particularly specific items work too.
~ A strike with a hoof is a "sowwy-hoofie".
~ Feces inside the litter box are "gud-poopies".


19:  CONTRACTIONS
- SILVER RULE; use sparingly
- Some very-common words can be reduced by a few letters to make them sound more cutesy.
~ "or"		> "o'"
~ "for"		> "fo'"
~ "and"		> "an'"
~ "*-ing"		> "*-in'"
~ "away"		> "'way"


20:  SESQUIPEDALIANS
- You've got some options when it comes to fluffies speaking long words.
~ Speak them normally with the usual fluffy lisp: "Sesquipedowians"
~ Break them down into shorter bits and speak slowly: "Ses-qui-ped-owi-ans"
~ Either of the above two, but horribly mangle it by the end: "Sesquipedocious", "Ses-qui-pe-doc-ious"
~ Have the fluffy stutter over it for a bit then switch to another word: "Ses-qui-pef...quid-pee...biggest wowdsies!"


****************
DERPSPEAK
****************

+ Derped fluffies have a special kind of mental retardation.  They commonly exhibit 'derped' eyes, non-sequitur thinking, and a particular brand of speech impediment.
+ The speech impediment is more marble-mouthed than the usual fluffy voice.  Some headcanon has it that derped fluffies can't properly control their tongues.


21: DERB!
- In Derpspeak, some consonants of some words are replaced with "b"s.  Some "l"s are allowed.
~ "fwiend"		> "fbwend"
~ "daddeh"		> "dabbleh"
~ "babbeh"		> "blabbeh"
~ "sketties"	> "skebbies!"
~ "mummah"		> "mubbah"
~ "nice mistah"	> "nibe mibtuh"


22: DERPDERP!
- Derped fluffies may sometimes remake simple words by doubling part of the word.
- Plurals are then made by adding an "s" to the end of the remade word.
~ "bad"		> "badbad"
~ "owwie"		> "owow"; "owows"
~ "saddies"	> "sadsads"
~ "nummie"		> "numnum"; "numnums"


23: LERKMOAR
- Derped fluffies can also variously screw up sentence structure, lose words, replace words with the wrong word, etc.  Sometimes they completely replace a word in their internal 'dictionary'.
- Derpspeak is wild and nuanced.  Read stories with derped fluffies in them to learn their language.  There are a lot of good ones, including a few great series.
- THE SILVER RULE applies unless incomprehensibility of the derped fluffy is intentional.


****************
FLUFFTHINK
****************

+ Fluffthink is used for a fluffy's internal thoughts and for the non-dialog narration of a story told from a fluffy's point-of-view.


24: THE MERCURIC RULE OF FLUFFTHINK
- Do NOT follow THE GOLDEN RULE OF FLUFFSPEAK.
- If a fluffy isn't vocalizing, don't use those extra "w"s; the "w" thing is a lisp, and you don't think with a lisp.
- Really.  It is a headache to read lisped narration.  I used it in my first story, and it was a mess.  Even if you can read it fine, most of your audience can NOT.


25: THE OBSIDIAN RULE OF FLUFFTHINK
- DO use Fluffyisms.
- Fluffyisms are the terms fluffies think in.  A block to a fluffy IS a "blockie".  (It then becomes "bwockie" when they speak and lisp it.)


26: SILVER AND GULD
- Other than the two stated rules, things are flexible.
- Fluffthink generally follows the primary Fluffspeak rules, but it doesn't have to.
- Adherence to optional things used in Fluffspeak is even looser.
- THE PHYRITIC and SILVER RULES hold sway here: be consistent WITHIN your Fluffthink and make it readable.


27: VISUALIZE
- If you are drawing a pic and include a though-bubble with a small amount of Fluffthink, THE MERCURIC RULE can be ignored.
- However, you can also turn the thought-bubble into a speech-bubble; fluffies babble frequently, saying whatever is on their mind as though they lack an internal monologue.  This behavior may vary on how carefree a fluffy's life experiences have made it, though.


****************
FLUFFYISMS
****************

+ As explained earlier, fluffies have a set of universally-altered words.  Some are altered to sound 'cuter', and some are changed to disguise topics like death and sex from the marketed child demographic (and sometimes from the child-like fluffies themselves).

+ This list is NOT comprehensive
+ This list is NOT absolute.  It's a good guide, but some listed Fluffyisms are more universal among headcanon than others.
+ Except for the 'Very Special Words', fluffies generally recognize and understand both the human and fluffy forms of a word.  However, they still only use the fluffy form unless urged or taught otherwise.  Varies by headcanon.


FLUFFIES (applicable to non-fluffies)

baby				> "babbeh", "foaw"
brother				> "bwuddah", "bwuthah", others
father				> "daddeh"
earth pony			> "eawthie", "eawth fwuffie", "fwuffy"
enforcer, guard, soldier	> "toughie", "toughie-fwiend"
female, adult			> "mawe"
female, child			> "fiwwy"
fetus				> "tummeh-babbeh", "soon-babbeh"
leader				> "smawty", "smawty-fwiend"
male, adult			> "stawwion"
male, child			> "cowt"
mother				> "mummah", "mumma"
pegasus				> "wingie-fwiend", "pegasus"
pregnant mare			> "soon-mummah"
sister				> "sissie", "sistah", others
unicorn				> "pointy-fwiend", "unicown"


COMMON THINGS

bed				> "beddie"
blocks				> "bwockies"
box				> "boxie"
clothes, fabric			> "not-fwuff"
{crying}			> "huuhuuhuu!"
day				> "bwight-time"
food				> "nummies", "nummehs"
happiness			> "happies"
house				> "housie"
hug				> "huggie"
human				> "hoomin", "humin", by name if known, others
love				> "wuv"
milk				> "miwkies"
monster				> "munstah"
moon				> "dawk-time-sky-baww"
nest				> "nestie"
night				> "dawk-time"
owner, female			> "mummah"
owner, male			> "daddeh"
plushie, stuffed animal		> "stuffy-fwiend"
sadness				> "saddies"
sleep				> "sweepies"
spaghetti			> "SKETTIES!!!"
sun				> "sky-baww", "bwight-sky-baww"
tears				> "saddie-wawas"
TV				> "teevee", "teebee"
unfamiliar human, female	> "[nice/meanie] wady", "hoomin mawe", "hoomin fiwwy"
unfamiliar human, male		> "[nice/meanie] mistah", "hoomin stawwion", "hoomin cowt"
water				> "wawa" (am bad fo' fwuffies!)


ANATOMY (non-sexual)

brain			> "thinkie-pwace"
chest			> "chestie"
ear			> "heaw-pwace", "eawsie"
eye			> "see-pwace", "eyesie"
hair			> "fwuff"
hair on head		> "mane", "head-fwuff"
hand			> "not-hoofie"
head			> "headie", "thinkie-pwace"
hoof			> "hoofie"
leg			> "weggie"
mouth			> "mouthie", "moufie"
tooth			> "toothie", "toofie"
nose			> "nosie", "sniffy-pwace"
stomach			> "tummy"


VERY SPECIAL WORDS

anus			> "poopie-pwace"
birth			> "biggest-poopies"
blood			> "boo-boo-juice"
mammary, fluffy		> "miwkie-pwace"
mammary, human		> "miwkie-pwace", "squishy-thing", "soft-thing", others
death			> "fowevah-sweepies"
feces			> "poopies"
injury			> "huwtie", "owwie"
mate			> "speshuw-fwiend"
orgasm			> "gud-feews"
pain			> "owwies", "huwties"
penis			> "speshuw-pwace", "no-no-stick", others
semen			> "speshuw-juice", "no-no-juice", "sticky juice", "babbeh juice"
sex			> "speshuw-huggies"
testicles		> "speshuw-wumps", "no-no-wumps"
{coital grunting}	> "enf enf enf"
urine			> "peepees"
vagina			> "speshuw-pwace", "no-no-pwace", others
vomit			> "sickie-wawas"


OTHER WORDS

best, great						> "bestest"
broken, retarded, deformed				> "dummeh"
dumb, stupid, imbecilic					> "stoopid", "stoopi", "dummeh"
eat							> "num"
give							> "gif"
good							> "gud"
have							> "haf"
how long until						> "how time tiww"
mean							> "meanie"
most							> "mostest"
now							> "nao", "naow"
ugly, unappealing, unwanted, smells/looks like poop	> "poopie"
want							> "wan"
worst, very bad						> "wowstest"

a thing that causes suffering, ostensibly for the purpose of evoking remorse
> "sowwy-[object]"
~ "sowwy-stick"
~ "sowwy-hoofie"
~ "sowwy-bwick"

animal, not scary
> "[name/descriptor]-fwiend", "[animal name]"
~ "meow-meow-fwiend"
~ "kitty-fwiend"
~ "fwuttah-fwiend"

animal, scary!
> "[name/descriptor]-munstah", "[animal name]"
~ "hissy-munstah"
~ "doggie-munstah"
~ "wingie-munstah"

personified object
> "[name/descriptor]-fwiend", "[name/descriptor]-munstah", "mistah [name/descriptor]"
~ "computah-fwiend"
~ "vwoom-vwoom-munstah"
~ "mistah doow"