Linalee's Catch up RP

Uladh, Linalee had been in deep prayer, Meditation, and intense training over the course of the last few months of her life. She paused to eat and visit the kingdom of Arcadia over this time. She aspired to be much, but at the same time knew she had much growing to do. Her focus was to improve her own abilities as a light mage and cleric. She knew she had to grow as a person before she could hope to grow as an official within the kingdom of Arcadia. Her goal was to heal the sick and wounded as she found them in between her time cloistered away.

Her time spent in meditation was that of her own personal weaknesses and hang ups as a human being. She had spent far more time then she cared to admit mourning the loss of Walter, Nuro, Ciel, and Lucille. She didn't view the act of mourning as a weakness of course. She only needed time to move past all this loss as she had let her personal training suffer due to her inability to move on. She spent much of her meditation time in the forest of Arcadia. She enjoyed the peace of the forest and it helped her focus on her personal goal without the various going on's of the castle. She focused inwardly on both her self and those she had lost. In the time she spent here, she would slowly let them go.

The first was Lucille, Vermilion. The light mage she had always aspired to be like once she'd grown more accustom to using her light as a weapon, rather then a tool to heal. Her loss had been of a deep impact upon her, in large part to her own self blame. Lucille had come to rescue her, Tara, and Alara from the monster Shark IA. She had been holding herself back without even realizing it. Several days came and went before she finally visualized the bold mage. She looked upon her mental construct and with tears in her eyes. She spoke in length to her, revealing to the imagined persona her own personal feelings of guilt. She took her time, venting everything to the construct before, tears shed and her heart a bit lighter, she said goodbye to both Lucille and the emotions tied to her loss.

The next person she had to say goodbye to was the former arch bishop Ciel. This was harder on the cleric as she had not even been there when Ciel had passed. The former arch bishop had been the other side of Linalee's personal coin of growth. Everything Lucille had represented as a light mage, Ciel represented as a Cleric. She had been Linalee's target of loyalty and even, admittedly, jealously. Ciel had been the one chosen to take the spot Linalee had wanted several years prior. This jealously had never seen fruit of course. Linalee wasn't the type to lust after someone else's position, or show greed for what isn't hers. She had ultimately befriended the other cleric and together they had trained and aimed to grow as people! She summoned up the mental image of the women and confessed all there was to confess to her. Each moment she had felt jealous, every thought that had brought the female lower on a morality scale. She talked of her guilt of not being able to save Ciel, and in the end, bid her and her emotions tied to the girl farewell as well.

The third person upon the train to let go the emotional chains to was that of Nuro. The man who had become her friend in a time where her world was darkest, and had died while she was in a coma. Her feelings tied to this man we're as complex as the world she lived in. Her meditation upon his impact and how to move on from his loss we're lengthy and deep. She'd always pictured a future where Nuro's Nuropolis would be a center for acceptance and learning. She had even been ready to aid him in any way she could. She brought up this image of the jester and cried. The animals in the forest watched from their perches and burrows as the cleric wept. Finally she began to speak, speaking aloud the weakness she felt, in never having been able to do anything but heal Nuro when they fought together, how she'd always wished she could do more for him. She poured out her feelings of worthlessness at having been in her coma while he died, alone for little more then his eyes. Finally she allowed her mental image of Nuro to fade. She felt stronger for this, as she believed Nuro would have encouraged her to be stronger after her loss. She let her emotions of Nuro fade with his image.

The last person she had to go up against mentally was the one she knew would take her the longest as her personal feelings for him we're the greatest of any other she'd lost. She didn't even need to try to recreate the face of her beloved Walter. He appeared before her as if he'd been at her side this whole time. The ever disapproving glare upon his face. She smiled fondly as she recalled him, but felt all at once the damn of her emotions almost breaking. She Spoke to the empty forest, to her aduiance of birds, rabbits, deer, and even boar. She poured out her heart and soul to the specter she'd created in her mind. She confessed how she'd created the fake scrolls, ensuring that if Walter had tried to escape with their use, it would have failed. She begged him for forgiveness for her weakness. She confessed her personal view that she was too weak after all. She spent several more days on this process, never quite able to dismiss the chain still present upon her heart. It took her recalling their wedding, and all the happiness she'd felt with him to finally stand, tears dropping down her face. She dismissed his image, and promised to never let her sadness for his loss hold him back again. She promised him to be stronger now, so that she could look upon him with strength when they finally met again in the next life!

Linalee took this time to work upon her own spirit as a mage of both offense and defense as well as her body's own limitations. She had recently come into possession of a mighty and powerful spear that from what she was told, was some kind of divine relic. She had tried to participate in a battle with it and found that her inability to fight in close quarters was a rather sizable weakness. She spent several weeks upon the beaches of Arcadia, firing off spell after spell into the ocean, during the night. Her primary goal was to increase both her control and intensity as a light mage. During the day she worked with her body, swinging and practicing with the spear she'd found. Learning more of it's unique nature to home in on the things she targets, as she practiced on trees, and against Boars. She knew she was limited by her genetically weakened muscles, but still she persevered. She took each blow to her body from the boars as a new lesson in how to react, endure, and fight. She wanted to show Tara, Eleanor, Giraldus, and even Samson, that she could still improve. It was thanks to her own healing at night and the armor she wore that she was able to survive each days physical training.

Linalee's primary focus for her prayer was to strengthen her faith in god. There had never been a moment where she questioned her holy lord of course. However she had question the orders given to her by Eleanor and others considered above her. She was always one to value life above all else, even being willing to heal her enemies. This mentality had become more of a hindrance then it had a help to her in the more recent years. She knew what she had to do and was now training to overcome her overly caring heart. God had sent forth his messengers and she would heed his words. She would find herself in the church most days, quietly praying. She wanted to become the Arch Bishop of Arcadia after all, this had been her personal ambition for as long as she could recall.
She had to purge herself of the mentality that all lives, without question, had to be saved and offered clemency. She had always interrupted gods word in only one way, but recently she had been forced to accept that not even her beloved lord was only versed in the arts of mercy. She had to steep her heart to enforce the will of god, in both his mercy, and his righteous retribution. She had to accept that sometimes God's will would be to enact his vengeance on those who were deserving. She took to the kingdom with this personal revelation.

Linalee spent the last few weeks of her training going to the various villages on their island kingdom of Arcadia. She spent much of this time working in any job that was needed, and especially that of a healer to the sick and wounded. She spoke with the people, calming their fears. She acted as the high priestess she was to the people of her beloved kingdom. She spread the word of god and his healing light to any and all who who hear it. She healed the those wounded while working the fields or cutting lumber. She helped in doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, any job that was asked of her. She made these last few weeks completely dedicated to the people of Arcadia. She worked among them, to instill the mentality within her that she needed. She had to accept that she had always been far too kind to those who we're less then deserving. She had to temper her kind hand of god, for the sake of the people she now worked alongside. She had forged a new bond with her fellow Arcadian's, for the sake of steeling her heart when the time came. She finished her personal pilgrimage and made her way back to the castle proper. Her faith, body, and soul, Renewed from the experience.