Christmas story

>'Twas the night before /k/ristmas, when all through the house
>Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
>The raifus were hung by the chimney with care,
>In hopes that the Niggerclaus soon would be there;
>The dildos were nestled all snug in my ass;
>While visions of dragons danced between gas;
>And asleep at the battlestation, playing squeals young japs,
>I had just settled my brains after a long winter's fap,
>When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
>I sprang from my desktop to see what was the matter.
>Away to the window I flew like a flash,
>Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
>The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
>Gave a lustre of midday to objects below,
>When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
>But a rap-bumping caddy and eight tiny nigger
>With a tattooed black driver so thieving and quick,
>I knew in a moment I'd shoot this damn prick.
>Strapped with twin C9s his hoodlums they came,
>And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
>"Now, Da'quon! now, Daron!
>now Julius and La'vaar!
>On, Tyrell! on, Keyshaun!
>on, Tyrone and Jamaar!
>To the top of the porch! Get your ass up that wall!
>Now hop up! hop up! hop up y'all!
>As the niggers scurried to climb up my roof,
>I turned on my webcam for defense shooting proof;
>So up on the housetop the the niggers they be,
>Then I strapped on my backup, a Glock 43—
>And then, in a twinkling, I heard over rafters,
>Tims crunching on shingles, and negro laughter.
>As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
>Down the chimney the Niggerclaus came with a bound.
>He was dressed all in swag, from his head to his foot,
>And his face was dark black and tarnished further with soot;
>My laptop and flat screen already flung on his back,
>Surely with his speed he'd be soon to attack.
>His demeanor was dreadful and full of hate!
>To my AR I surged like a river in spate!
>His sweaty black hand shot straight to his gun,
>But with my finger on the trigger, I thought I had won;
>He was quick and his bullets riddled the floor,
>The speed of a cheetah, the true stuff of lore;
>But my 5.56 bullets burst though him with ease,
>Turning this black Santa into elfin Swiss cheese.
>He was chubby and plump, when he hit the ground,
>And the sound of him falling could be heard all around;
>His homies, they heard this, and came in a wink,
>Down my chimney they clambered, too stupid to think.
>In an instant they were upon me, seven in all,
>With 14 hi-points between them, I had to stall;
>So I backed to the wall and threw down my piece,
>Hoping not to get wasted if I could get them to cease;
>Now that I'd fooled them, I sprang for the light,
>I flicked off the switch and the room fell to night;
>Hitting the deck, I heard one of them shout,
>"OH SHIT! A-yo bix N00d muhfucka move out!"
>They started shooting and I thought I was dead,
>But their shots were too high and crashed overhead;
>Strapped to my hip, I remembered my Glock,
>I drew it and fired, the niggers got socked!
>With just one in the chamber and six in the mag,
>I dropped seven homies, but I don't mean to brag!
>With Christmas thus saved, I reached for the phone,
>And just after I called, I saw a figure alone;
>Down from the roof and now out on the lawn,
>Running back to the caddy to escape to the dawn;
>He might have been lucky in this little jaunt,
>If I hadn't already grabbed my Mosin-Nagant;
>I walked out to the driveway as he peeled away,
>Then I lined up the shot and stopped the big sleigh;
>The tire exploded and the car nearly flipped,
>Fucking with /k/? That's where he slipped!
>A few minutes later cops cleaned up the mess;
>They put eight in bags and one under arrest!
>And now I wish to all you here on this site,
>HAPPY /K/RISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!