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KXXIII

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KXXIII
Jan 5th, 2019
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  1. Vesph
  2. Last Thursday at 2:13 PM
  3. Can I ask you some questions about something?
  4.  
  5. Aerach
  6. Last Thursday at 2:14 PM
  7. Sure, shoot
  8.  
  9. Vesph
  10. Last Thursday at 2:16 PM
  11. I don't know how to phrase these questions without sounding like an ass.. x.x
  12. You identify as a male..are you considering a transition, or in the process of it?
  13.  
  14. Aerach
  15. Last Thursday at 2:17 PM
  16. Yup :d I'm going to ask my doctor about starting T at my next appointment.
  17.  
  18. Vesph
  19. Last Thursday at 2:18 PM
  20. Okay, and there is no judgement here, I am just unsure how to ask, some people are touchy about the subject on both sides of the issue.
  21. How did you know it was something you wanted to do?
  22.  
  23. Aerach
  24. Last Thursday at 2:18 PM
  25. Well
  26. My journey has been a somewhat tumultuous one honestly
  27. And my identity relies heavily on who I'm with
  28. I used to not want to go on T because of the more masculine changes as well as the hair stuff.
  29. However, now that I'm seeing myself with Mutt and because I've worked through my own shit for the most part, I have decided that it is something I want to do.
  30. I used to identity only as a femboy and I didn't want to be "too masculine" to be able to be a femboy
  31.  
  32. Vesph
  33. Last Thursday at 2:20 PM
  34. Nods.
  35.  
  36. Aerach
  37. Last Thursday at 2:21 PM
  38. I also have moments where my femboy identity went so far that I thought I was genderfluid, but I've figured out that I'm not, I'm just a non-binary trans guy.
  39.  
  40. Vesph
  41. Last Thursday at 2:21 PM
  42. Makes sense.
  43. I'm asking because...well. When I was young. I hated being female. Girls didn't get to play with cars. Girls had to wear pink, and wear pretty dresses and skirts. I remember the first time I was a penis. I was so jealous..I wanted one. I still do..I've always hated my body and always felt jealous of males I was with..because to me..that's perfect. Don't get me wrong, I love the female form. And I don't see myself as male or female, but I've always wanted a male body. I'm jealous not just of the body..but they can have beards..is all that strange? :/
  44.  
  45. Aerach
  46. Last Thursday at 2:23 PM
  47. None of that is strange at all.
  48. I suggest doing a lot of meditation on who you are and who you want to be and what you are happiest being referred to as. If you are happy being referred to as a woman sometimes and a man other times, then perhaps you are genderfluid or bigender or whatever. If you prefer one over the other, you could be a non-binary woman or a non-binary man or just straight up non-binary itself.
  49.  
  50. The way you hated your body, was it because of your secondary sex characteristics or was it because of weight or so-called "imperfections" you perceived?
  51.  
  52. Vesph
  53. Last Thursday at 2:27 PM
  54. Secondary sex characteristics. I wasn't always over weight. I used to be in great shape. Always running, always playing sports. But I was told that good girls don't do this and that, and other things. And that because I was a girl I couldn't. I hated it.
  55.  
  56. Aerach
  57. Last Thursday at 2:29 PM
  58. Hm. You could be non-binary and it might also be internalized misogyny about how girls can't do whatever bullshit. If you do truly feel that you are not a woman, then I say experiment with your identity for a while and see how you feel about it, see if it gives you gender euphoria and eases dysphoria.
  59.  
  60. Vesph
  61. Last Thursday at 2:31 PM
  62. I do know that since I admitted to being non-binary I've been so much happier, and that when I'm male, even if it's just on imvu, I feel more myself.
  63. Well, in the male form.
  64.  
  65. Aerach
  66. Last Thursday at 2:33 PM
  67. I'm glad it's working out for you :smile: Discovering that one may not be cis and could be "something else" can be scary, but finding out who you are and being able to come to terms with it is amazing.
  68.  
  69. Vesph
  70. Last Thursday at 2:34 PM
  71. I've always known I wasn't just female, I just was terrified to admit it. I know..if I take this path..I'm going to lose a lot of family.
  72. In fact..I'll lose most of them.
  73. But at this point in my life..I don't care to keep going as I have been..I think it's partly why my mental health is suffering so badly. I'm blocking out parts of myself to please other people. And I just can't seem to give a shit about other peoples happiness at the expense of my own anymore.
  74.  
  75. Aerach
  76. Last Thursday at 2:37 PM
  77. That's good! Not the losing people part because I know how that feels, but the standing up for yourself part.
  78. You need to take care of yourself first and foremost because you are who you are going to live with for your whole life.
  79.  
  80. Vesph
  81. Last Thursday at 2:40 PM
  82. Pretty much.
  83. I'm going to seriously think on this for the next little while..because if I take this path, whether I want my marriage to end now or not..if I transition..my marriage will end. He will end it himself.(edited)
  84.  
  85. Aerach
  86. Last Thursday at 2:49 PM
  87. Yeah, that's a sad thing a lot of trans and/or nb people have to deal with.
  88.  
  89. Vesph
  90. Last Thursday at 2:49 PM
  91. But in the end..I was considering this anyway..I've even been preparing myself mentally for it.
  92.  
  93. Aerach
  94. Last Thursday at 2:51 PM
  95. I'm glad you've been preparing.
  96.  
  97. Vesph
  98. Last Thursday at 2:53 PM
  99. I knew I needed too..and I know this is going to be a year of serious change.
  100.  
  101. Aerach
  102. Last Thursday at 2:54 PM
  103. 2019 is going to be a big year, I can feel it
  104.  
  105. Vesph
  106. Last Thursday at 2:55 PM
  107. Same. :3
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