Therapy with Tardigrade 11/15/2018

16:07 Jonah : (I am running out of things too say, lol)
16:07 Tardigrade : (Sounds good enough for me.)
16:06 Jonah : Jonahnods (do we want to wrap this up for now?)
16:06 Tardigrade : "I don't know if you can help me. Not really. But I would be willing to talk to you if you want. So that I could have different point of view in whatever strange shit happens." Mike continues explaining toJonah.
16:05 Jonah : Jonahnods "And?"
16:04 Tardigrade : "I wanted to see if I could benefit talking with you. I think that I need someone to talk to, but it is true that I don't trust easily. I do want to be wiser - more capable of seeing clearly when one needs to act and when to refrain and what tools should one use." Mike finally replies toJonah.
16:02 Tardigrade : Mike stops to think for a while. He looks atJonah while he thinks.
16:01 Jonah : "What did you hope to acheive meeting me today?"
16:00 Tardigrade : "It is possible to influence me even if I doubt it is too easy. Everything is a handle on you on right hands." Mike replies toJonah.
15:59 Tardigrade : "I mean I don't know if I take care."
15:59 Jonah : "Are you worried you'll be easily influenced?"
15:59 Tardigrade : "Whatever. If they fear that they are hunted by something and want to fight back. If they've made mistake that comes back haunting them. Whatever else." Mike replies toJonah.
15:58 Jonah : "Desperate for what?"
15:57 Tardigrade : "It's like walking white line while drunk. People are so convincing at times about what should be done. You don't know facts and they expect your aid and you feel their desperation. That's why I fear I will make mistakes sooner or later. Even talking to you might be sign that I am desperate." Mike replies toJonah.
15:56 Jonah : Jonahnods
15:55 Tardigrade : "I'm worried that people will hurt me alright. I'm worried that people expect me to do something I don't agree with, but I've never murdered, killed, robbed, drugged anyone or anything like that." Mike replies toJonah.
15:54 Jonah : Jonahnods "I'll let you decide if you want to talk about why you changed your name. From the line of questions you ask, you seem very pre-occupied with your moral standing, as if you have reason to question it on a rather deep level. Maybe you did something you aren't proud of, or you are worried you are like the people that hurt you?"
15:53 Tardigrade : Mike paysJonah special attention though.
15:52 Tardigrade : "Hah, I've been called that 7 years. It's grown on me. Anything else?" Mike asks.
15:51 Jonah : "Well, there is a certain hesitation to your voice when you introduce yourself. A slowness to react when spoken to. At a guess, Mike isn't your real name. At least, not the one your used to being called."
15:50 Tardigrade : "If you want to. It can be fun." Mike replies toJonah.
15:50 Jonah : "Sometimes, not always. Do you want me to guess what you're lying about?"
15:48 Tardigrade : "Do you have often idea why people are lying?" Mike asksJonah.
15:48 Tardigrade : "Yeah. That's true. We all wear masks - or rather we participate in particular games at specific times. What you're allowed and not allowed to do and say."
15:47 Jonah : "The real trick isn't knowing when a person is lying, its knowing why their lying."
15:46 Jonah : "A person walks up to you on the street and asks you how you're doing. You tell them fine, but you aren't fine. Its a lie, but there's nothing wrong with it. Bleeding one's heart to a total stranger isn't always helpful."
15:46 Tardigrade : "Certainly. It's exciting mix of the both most of the time." Mike retorts toJonah.
15:45 Jonah : "Because people lie for innocent reasons as often as sinister ones" he replies cooly
15:44 Tardigrade : ":tongue:ossibly. But would you tell if you can trust someone? I mean I guess that since you're psychologist and psychiatrist and whatever else you can tell when people lie. If you see when people lie how can you learn to trust them?" Mike asksJonah.
15:42 Jonah : Jonan listens compassionately "It can be difficult finding people worth trusting, but having someone to confide in is one of the most rewarding human experiences"
15:41 Tardigrade : "So it happens that I'll have these scenes in my dreams where I act. I can go through variations of it all. But it irks me that I have to live through all the shit I've gone through ever after. My soul is occupied by this shitty world." Mike explains toJonah.
15:38 Tardigrade : "They are like random synapses firing and cascading activation or some shit like that. So I think that if I connect two things together more likely I am to see about it in my dreams. I mean it makes sense that our experiences shape us. I didn't trust teachers anymore after that one made me clean up my vomit. Don't tell them about your problems because that'll bring you more problems."
15:35 Jonah : "What leads you to think this way about dreams?"
15:35 Tardigrade : "Dreams are important to me in a way. They tell me about what I've gone through and what that brings to my mind. My mind is everything I have - through it I experience what there is. Dreams tell me about reality through which I interact that what is."
15:32 Jonah : "What do you think of it?"
15:32 Tardigrade : "Which one was this one, then?" Mike asksJonah.
15:31 Jonah : "It is" he chuckles "But dreams can be important, though not always"
15:31 Tardigrade : "You first asked about my dream. Isn't that like really stereotypical for a psychologist?"
15:30 Tardigrade : "I mean also is there anything that is especially interesting to you, too."
15:30 Tardigrade : "Ah. What do you think it most fruitful thing to talk about?" Mike asksJonah.
15:29 Jonah : Jonahnods "There is some truth to that, but mayhaps it is best we move on. Which other subjects did you want to discuss next?"
15:29 Tardigrade : "It's a sort of rule."
15:28 Tardigrade : "I should have probably been more careful who I introduce to the scene. I mean I bear responsibility for those who I bring with me." Mike explains toJonah.
15:28 Jonah : "In any case, it was Winter's choice, not yours. Whether it was appropriate for her to make it is another story entirely"
15:27 Tardigrade : "I heard about it when she was making it for what it was worth." Mike countersJonah.
15:27 Jonah : "Also worth mentioning is that neither of us knew the bet Winter made, so its hardly worth fretting over as a moral delemma"
15:26 Tardigrade : "But of course. If I had that amount of money I could use it to help people who are dying elsewhere. But that's not immediately here. It is not certain." Mike continues after a while and then looks atJonah.
15:24 Tardigrade : "I mean. I might have to work a year or more to pay that amount back. But that's my life. There were no lives at risk for example." Mike replies and then seems to think for a while about something.
15:22 Jonah : Jonahnods in agreement. "So there wasn't a 'higher purpose' to have cheated then?"
15:22 Tardigrade : "I would have broken tacit agreement on how race is won. I mean whole race loses meaning if you cheat. Cheating shouldn't be done for yourself, but if it happens it should be for a higher purpose." Mike replies toJonah.
15:21 Jonah : Jonahsmiles at Tardigrade
15:20 Jonah : Jonahlaughs "Well, when I said it, it was intended at least mostly as a joke. More than anything I felt bad for being dead weight in a race where Winter had bet on you. What do you think you would have gained and or lost by cheating?"
15:18 Tardigrade : "I don't know. I mean being wiser is a long term goal. That's like what I'd like to work on. Let's start with 'Should I have cheated if I could have at the race last night'." Mike replies toJonah."
15:17 Tardigrade : (Very well)
15:16 Jonah : (ping me when you post plz)
15:16 Tardigrade : (Besides this is both exposition and a plot dump in a way since I talk about ongoing plots and background)
15:16 Jonah : "Well, if you want my input I'm afraid I'll have to break things down one thing at a time. What do you want me to reply to first?" he asks patiently.
15:14 Tardigrade : (I mean writing is slower than talking so this simulated controlled silence pretty well)
15:14 Tardigrade : (No worries. Playing an interview works fine like this :-P )
15:14 Jonah : (Jonahdoesnt take this long in character)
15:14 Jonah : (sorry I keep being distracted Im incoming)
15:14 Tardigrade : Mike waits in silence for a some sort of reply or reaction.
15:13 Tardigrade : (Jonah?)
15:01 Tardigrade : "I mean I have like... not have best environment to learn what's right and wrong at first place. When I was nine school bullies sat on my face and farted until I threw up. Teacher found me and made me clean up the mess. That's not something that makes sense to me even now. I mean what the fuck. People in power are like driven mad here."
14:59 Tardigrade : "I mean I feel like I might lose of common sense in crowd I move and I'd like to... be wiser. So I'd like you to help me to be wise."
14:57 Tardigrade : "You actually asked me if I could have cheated. Should I have if I could? What do you think? It's something I'd like to discuss. Like right and wrong, but at like... deeper level." Mike says toJonah.
14:56 Tardigrade : "Message is like we are in the jungle. I'd like it that people heard different message at times. Not message of dog eats dog, but that of hope of human volition."
14:53 Tardigrade : "Uh. My life is like gangster show I guess. People are driven by their pleasures - like that. Toby who just wanted to rub it in my face that he won. That's like real demon for you. I mean I know driving like I do is crime, but we try to keep it safe and people enjoy themselves. But then there are people around the scene who are like ready to do whatever it takes. It's like this whole city is mad."
14:50 Jonah : "As for the bet... Winter doesn't exactly have a high value on money, to my understanding. Nor do they exactly understand the intricacies of social subtley all the time. More so when they're drunk. So I wouldn't give too much thought to that at least."
14:48 Jonah : Jonahnodded and listened carefully. "Why do you think youve been having these dreams?"
14:46 Tardigrade : Mike stops at that seemingly feeling rather conflicted for having talked about that. He then turns to look atJonah.
14:45 Tardigrade : "And way she defended me basically with a hairpin against a random thug. You don't do that. You humble yourself and they forget you feeling better for having overcome you. That's how you survive unless you are real crazy." Mike says.
14:42 Tardigrade : "I feel like I should pay Winter back, but she didn't consult me about whole bet, but now I owe her like 25k$. That's like really messed up. I know couple people who pull stuff like that, but they aren't nice."
14:41 Tardigrade : "Come to think of it how Winter acted at the race was weird. People don't usually make huge bets like that. Isn't that really weird too?" Mike asksJonah.
14:38 Tardigrade : Mike looks atJonah and says "That's gist of both events. I mean dream was very life-like. Phone calls were strange."
14:37 Tardigrade : "Ah, I had just met couple other person at a new place when our phone rung. We each heard strange message that was on repeat. After talking about it we figured out to combine messages into a whole. That was weird. Random people getting phone calls together."
14:35 Tardigrade : "I guess. For example I dreamed about Grey scale 1930 LA filled with demons. There was a radio tower in the dream that I wanted to visit as it was sending messages all over the city. I approached the tower and after some interruptions I reached it. It was closed and when I tried to open the door Demons noticed me and came to talk to me. Told me I should stop. I asked why and argued with them and then demons entered the tower and left me outside. Then I woke. That's an example of the dream I had."
14:35 Jonah : Jonahleans back and invites Tardigrade to continue
14:32 Jonah : (sorry)
14:32 Jonah : "The dreams and phone calls"
14:32 Tardigrade : (Jonah?)
14:31 Tardigrade : Mike waits for a while for an answer.
14:27 Tardigrade : "Uh, which part?" Mike asks a little confused.
14:26 Jonah : Jonahnods. "Is that something you are comfortable talking more about?"
14:21 Tardigrade : "Uh, there's several things going on my life. You, uh, saw my... work yesterday. It's not really optimal lifestyle at all, but rough as they are people like Julius were there for me when school was horrible. And on top of that some strange shit has been going on. Like weird dreams and real phone calls that are... well... weird."
14:18 Jonah : Jonahsmiles softly and warmly
14:17 Tardigrade : Mike seems to collect his thoughts for a while before answering.
14:16 Jonah : "So we'd only had the chance to talk ever so slightly about what was going on before now, why don't you tell me about whats on your mind?
14:16 Tardigrade : "Uh. How will this actually work?" Mike asks.
14:14 Tardigrade : Mike seems a little bit worried about something as he steps into office. "Thank you." He says while first looking around carefully. He then sits into seat. He pays some attention to modern art on the wall.
14:13 Jonah : Jonahsmiles "Come in, glad you could make it. Please have a seat." The office is a mix of standard office decor and more lively splashes of color in the form of a few potted plants, and some modern art along the walls.
14:12 Tardigrade : Honestly it is probably some sort of an affectation for him.
14:12 Tardigrade : Mike arrives right on the clock wearing his trademark white jacket, t-shirt and jeans.
14:12 Jonah : (yep)
14:11 Tardigrade : (I assume first interview session has been agreed on - or whatever is part of the official process in this situation and now is the time)
14:11 Jonah : After some hasty paperwork and some helping it along,Jonah was waiting for Mike to arrive for their appointment in his office.
14:09 Tardigrade : (It happens)
14:09 Jonah : (Oh woops I went to the wrong room initially)
14:08 Tardigrade : (Apparently Mike had lucky break with appoitment times)
18:58 System : This room has been cleared by Athena