This is probably the last time we are going to have a conversation Aleshia... Read it please, because things got to the point where I can't deal with the feelings I have and you are just making it worse.
Now, I'm going to tell you the truth, when we stopped talking and everything that happened since then to until this moment, where I'm honestly burned out from trying.
When I started working in August of last year, things weren't really good between us, we would rage a lot and things would get shitty between us for really stupid reasons.
From that moment, I thought that the history we had together was coming to an end, we wouldn't have fun playing with eachother anymore, sometimes you would piss me off with some attitudes that you have,
and as much as I loved to spend my time with you and play with you,but things just weren't working out.
Since that point, I really knew you weren't really enjoying the time we were spending together either though.
So, with all that happening, I kinda felt that the best option I had, was to let you go, I didn't really had fun playing with you, because of the reasons I stated before.
Working all daymade it worse, obviously, I missed playing with you and everything, but at that moment, things for me were already over, I was done trying.
And then, the day when we finally stopped talking happened, the day it was over for you too.
I moved my life, at that moment I felt relieved, but I also felt really sad to let you go in that way.
After we stopped talking, I met new people, I had feelings for someone that I met and that made me move on with my life and finally forget about you, Obviously there was times when I would really miss you and want to be with you,
but then I would remember how things were bad between us and I would move on again.

After a couple months, things got really bad for me, my life was really shitty and the people I met and the person I liked, weren't really as good as they were.
That's when I actually missed you, I wanted to have you in my life again, but I wasn't ready to ask you if you wanted to hang out with me or if you wanted to play some games with me, because I thought that things would ended up being
like they were when I decided to stop talking to you, I thought that there would only be arguments between us and fights and etc.
I wanted to have you in my life again, but I feel it was more of a greedy desire, as in "I want her, because I don't have her."
But, then we weren't in sincrony, you probably wanted things to go back to how they were, where we would play games together and talk everyday constantly, and since that never happened, you just deleted me.
I felt bad, because I always knew what you wanted, I knew you wanted to be with me and do stuff with me, but I didn't feel that, so when you deleted me, I was really sad for a few days, but I didn't had the courage to talk to you and say that.

A few weeks later, I tried to start talking to you again, at that point, you weren't really excited/happy that we were talking again, you would talk to me, because I was talking to you, but you wouldn't talk to me if I didnt send you a message or something.
But then, I really wanted to try to be close to you again, and I think that after some point you actually wanted to be with me again and hang out with me and play with me, because you would tell me that you were bored and even asked me to play with you, I didn't had to beg you to do so.
That actually made me happy, I really wanted to keep that going, and then the world boss incident happened, I told you something that was supposed to keep on private, and you just decided that you would tell your legion, because they deserved to know about it, since Cuddly and Tupac were camping the boss.
That made me really mad - even though you never told them, because at that point I was trying to make things work between you and me, and the way you threated that subject, made me think if I was doing the right decision.
Then, once again, we stopped talking for another stupid reason... The only difference, between that time and the others, is that in that time I actually wanted to be with you again, so thats why 1 week later, I asked Trevyn about you and he told me to talk to you and everything, because i actually missed you a lot.

I took his advice and tried to reach you again, at first, you didn't really wanted to, but after I explained myself, you kinda understood my point and we were once again talking.
At that point, I would literally do anything to spend my time with you, but you were always too busy playing Aion and talking to other people, I thought it was fair, since I can't just force you to like me again...
We would talk everyday, but it wouldn't be a constant thing, you would always be busy with your real life and with game to even talk to me, but that never really stopped me, I kept trying to make you want to spend your time with me, but that never happened.
But then, at some point I thought that things started to get better, I made one TS where you could come and hang out with me and talk to me, but you wouldn't get in there most of the times, that made me sad, I would have to keep asking you to spend time with me, and thats really something that I hate, but I moved on, with messed up feelings, but i did.
And then, I found out about AOEHoar, the guy who destroyed whatever was the thing we had and probably the reason of this long ass message...
I always knew you were a friendly person, you like to spend time with your friends be them in real life or in the internet, and I always accepted that...
But with this guy it was different, you liked to bring him up and talk about how you were talking to him,- pretty often, I figured out there was something weird in there, I didn't know what it was, but I just knew, I even told you I was jealous the day before you met him, which is the next topic.
For some reason, life likes to play with me, the day I heard about you visiting him, was a really weird day for me, I can't explain why or how, it just was, I felt like going to bed, but for some reason I didn't I decided to watch Mufflermans stream, and when I saw that you were at his house, that's when I understood everything.
But, I stil decided to ask Trevyn about it, he was a jerk to me and lied to me, but, even if he told me the truth back then, nothing would be different, I would still be jealous that you were visiting him and spending most of your time on computer with him and talking on facebook with him, really nothing would be different.
Anyway, after we talked and you explained to me what really happened, I decided to "investigate" everything from the bottom, I don't know why, thats probably what jealous people do.
I found out that you guys would be on a channel talking alone for hours, even though you said it wasn't like that, it was... I also saw how he would always like your pictures with the Love emote on facebook, another thing was the fact that he would ALWAYS be afk on Deported TS untill the moment you log in, maybe he would unmute to talk to you because you werent talking him or whatever, but yeah, that was weird to me.
The feeling that there was something weird in that kept on me for weeks and the conversation we had, when you said we were nothing but "close friends" basicly, when I completely thought the opposite, made it worse, because I knew that if I was never anything like that to you, the chances he had were higher than mines, he lived closer to you, you liked spending your time with him, everyone likes him and the most important, and that I knew, he like you.
And then, we kinda got close again, but things weren't really good for me, I would still be jealous and try to talk to you about it, and it would make you annoyed and piss you off.
So, since I couldn't talk about it, I had to deal with it, and I chose to deal with it in the worse way ever, I just kept pushing it and everytime I pushed this subject in to you, it would make things between us bad, because for you, I was just jealous and trying to ruin your long friendship with him.
And now, it comes that weird weekend, where since Thursday, you weren't really talking to me that much, probably because you were burned out from me being emo, jealous, annoying, etc...
On that thursday to friday night, you were already weird, you just ignored me and most of the day you were talking to your friends or AOEHoar, I don't know, until I begged you to hang out with me and you said you were bored and we did, but for some reason, you were super meh that day and we only played one game before you leave.
On that friday morning, things were already bad between us and me being jealous that you were running fissures for Aoehoar made it worse, we talked only twice on facebook after that, when I told you I was going to bed and when I woke up and messaged you saying that I had a dream about you, but once again, you didn't talk to me.
In that friday night, when I was sleeping, you were hanging out once again with AOEHoar playing League with him and everything, I even heard people saying that he went to Wichita to play with you, Not sure if it's true, doesn't matter...
And like you said, after you guys stopped playing, he changed his relationship status to serious, when I heard about that, I actually got worried, you weren't talking to me for 2-3 days already and it was at the very least super weird, I messaged you saying that he changed it to and apologizing for being jealous, but at that moment I only wanted to find out if he changed to that because you guys were actually dating, but all the times i brought that subject, you just ignored.
Even though, I knew there was something really weird in that, i kept thinking that the guy actually found a girl friend IRL or whatever and I had nothing to worry about, untill other people tease me about it and say that it was actually you, thats when I decided to confront you about it and thats when things that were already SUPER BAD got even worse, you just assumed the worse of me, when all I wanted was you to talk to me about it, I wanted you to come to me and say "Hey this thing happened and this is going on and you should know that because etc etc"
But, instead, you just kept ignoring me and giving me a hard time, being super cold and everything else, while I had no idea why you were like that for such a long period.
And then, when you told me you had no idea what was going on and that Trevyn was helping you, I felt really mad, because from all the people, I thought i deserved to know, because afterall we are super close and besides that I always told you he had feelings for you, so at that point I just felt that I deserved to know about it and to know what was going on with you for this time and why you were irritated and not talking to me.
But, you decided that i wasn't worthy of knowing that, you never told me anything that happened even after that, instead you just ignored me most of the time since that Thursday night and got irritated at me for trying to understand what was going on and felt like I was just bothering you by trying to do that, but believe you or not, I was only trying to help, I would do my best to make you feel better and whatever else.

And then it comes now, where I'm completely exhausted from trying to make you like me again and you just keep ignoring me or putting me aside, and having other priorities, I'm really burned out and I don't want this to keep going, so I made this huge text explaining everything, because i really feel like this is over for good - for me, I have no strength to keep trying to reach you unsuccesfully when you obviously don't like me anymore.

So, that is it, this is probably the last time I'm ever talking to you, because I'm really lost.
I'm sorry for this book.