Why haven't you been streaming?

There are several reasons preventing me from streaming nowadays. The biggest one is school Senior Year has been exhausting, I've struggled finding much free time, and when I do, rarely do I want to spend it streaming as odd as that sounds. Mainly I watch other Twitch streamers, or some television, there's lots of great cartoons on now you should all check out.

One of the biggest things though I need to address is motivation. Am I still motivated to grind HE games into the ground and optimize every single one to perfection? Eh. It pains me to say this, but really it's very difficult for me to want to spend large amounts of time playing a single game at a time, grinding to remove just a couple seconds off my PB. My Freddi Fish 3 36 might be my latest example of hours of grinding for some time.

Does this mean I don't want to? Absolutely not. I still want to continue to stream these games and get new world records. The issue though is finding the motivation, or getting into it. When I do pick up these games again, often if I'm not good within the first 10 minutes, I'll feel demotivated and stop, hence why I don't want to start a stream that may end up not being enjoyable for me or the viewers.

Another odd thing stopping me is.. well when I PB, and upload it to YouTube, often (especially if the run gets lots of views), I find it difficult to want to replace that run with another run, even if it's faster. It's this odd mindset, but it does make wanting to improve games awkward. Say I want to get a new PB in Putt-Putt Saves the Zoo, my 43 second run has 32,000 views, for me to get a new WR, and upload that to YouTube, the chances of those numbers again is unlikely. Heck, when I uploaded my 43 second run, it didn't have any views really for the first few months it was up. My point is, if a run is established enough, it's hard for me to replace it, especially if it's only a month or so old (this is kind of stopping me from improving Pajama Sam 3). Not that big a deal, but something worth mentioning.

Oh yeah, and the fact that many of these games I've spent so many hours on doing the same exact thing, it's not easy want to do it, but it's doable.

Also there's the small detail that although I do hold all these world records, it doesn't seem to matter since virtually no one considers these games actual games and will file them under the "meme game" category unfairly just based on the fact that they're just so weird. This is what I hate, I hate the term "meme game", all it does, it's not even funny, memes aren't funny, they're just there. It's like drugs, you just take it cause your body can't live without it, even if the drugs themselves don't actually do you any good. Anyway, people seeing these as not serious games, doesn't help the fact that I'm committing myself to a very serious thing. I'm not "doing it for the meme", or any thing like that, I speedrun these games because I very much do enjoy the games. If I don't speedrun these games, then no one will. And if no one speedruns them, then that's doing these games injustice. I almost feel it's my duty to speedrun these games. Like I said, no one else is gonna put the same time and dedication that I have. No one else will, not this decade anyway. Louis is the closest example, but he quit long ago because he wasn't having fun and didn't like the games enough to continue. Bananas hasn't picked up Putt-Putt in years and her times weren't that great. Twinge only really runs Saves the Zoo, but even then he hasn't run it for months, and his time is miles behind mine (3.5 seconds is a lot).
Though there are fans of HE who I keep in touch with on Twitter, none of them seem to want to speedrun, which leaves me because I have nothing better to do really.

What is the moral of the story, I want to keep running these games, but I can't guarantee I'll be doing it very frequently. Like I said though, I feel it's my duty, not in a way that I'm forcing myself, but in a way that I feel that since I'm good, that these should be the games I run with. My times are all for the most part very solid, so I have that, but there are runs that I want to improve.
Runs that I do want to improve are Spy Fox 3, Pajama Sam 1, Freddi Fish 1, Pajama Sam 3, Putt-Putt Travels Through Time, and maybe Freddi Fish 5. Also Spy Fox 1, but that time I feel is too intimidating to beat, but those are games that I feel I can improve.

There you have it, my rambling about stuff. PM on Twitch if you have any questions or just want to talk.