Anon: Vampony Hunter! The Mango Who Would be King (1/2)

>Day the Mango Who Would Be King in Equestria

>You are Anonymous: Vampire Hunter!
>And right now you are witnessing one of the strangest sights that you have seen since coming to this land of pastel colored ponies.
>Before you, in the middle of the street, stand Pinkie Pie and the resident Spirit of Chaos, Discord.
>They are both arguing loudly about which fruit is the best.
>You nudge your assistant Carnelian.
“Can you believe this?”
>She sighs, “I think we should just go.”
“Good idea.”
>You move over to the side of the street and try to scoot around the commotion.
>“I’m telling you, cherries are better!” the pink mare is almost shouting.
>Discord scoffs, “Only a boring palette like yours could possibly think that cherries are superior to mangoes.”
>“Because they are!”
>“Nu-uh!”
>“Uh-huh!”
>“Nu-uh!”
>“Uh-huh!”
>“Nuh- Oh!” Discord notices you, unfortunately. “If it isn’t our resident human and bat! Surely they can tell us of the mango’s many superior qualities.”
>You haven’t spent much time around Discord, but from what little experience you’ve had with him you know you don’t like him.
>He just seems so… slimy.
>Wanting to get on with your day, you say the first thing that pops into your head.
“Eh, I like them both about equally well.”
>“Humph.” Discord grumps. He slithers his way over to your companion until he is uncomfortably close to her. “And what about you batty-kins? Surely you appreciate the magnificent mango?”
>“Actually, I don’t really care for mangoes.”
>“What?!” Discord gasps. “You don’t like nature’s perfect fruit? This is intolerable!”
>He begins pacing back and forth and muttering to himself.
>“Don’t like mangoes. What kind of ponies don’t… I know!” He wheels suddenly and snaps his talons.
>A mango appears out of thin air and lands neatly in his paw.
>Setting it on the ground, the Spirit of Chaos cackles gleefully.
>“Just you wait, little ponies. I’ll create a mango so wonderful, so mind bogglingly juicy, that you will be forced to acknowledge its greatness! Why, it will be a prince among fruit. No! A king!”
>He points both claw and paw at the fruit and begins to pour magic into it.
>The mango grows and grows until it becomes the size of a cart!
>When he is satisfied Discord stops with the magic and circles his creation, examining it.
>“Mmm… it’s still missing something. I know!”
>With a wave of his paw, he summons a golden crown and scepter with a goofy pony face on it.
>As he places them on the fruity abomination, you notice a slight shimmer of magic pass through the monstrous mango.
>“I dub thee, King Mango!” Discord declares, laughing at his own joke.
>Then he turns to the three of you.
>“Well? Surely this is will convince you that the mango is ‘king’. Wouldn’t you agree Blinky-by?”
>“My name is Pinkie, and I’ll bet that if you bit into that fruit it would taste nasty!”
>“Nonsense! Why, I made sure that this mango is the sweetest thing you’ve ever tasted.”
>As the two argue, Carnelian gets your attention.
>“Is it supposed to be doing that?” she asks in a concerned voice.
>The preposterous produce behind Discord is beginning to quiver and shake.
>That’s probably not good, you decide.
“Uh, Discord.” you try to interject.
>“Nothing you make could ever be sweet!” Pinkie exclaims.
>“Oh, really? I seem to remember somepony drinking gallons and gallons of my chocolate milk…”
“Discord? I really think you should…”
>“Well then, I guess you won’t mind if we slice up that mango and give it a try!”
>“With pleasure!”
>Just as Discord is about to turn around, a giant form looms behind him.
>“MANGOOOOO!”
>CRACK!!!
>The Spirit of Chaos crumples to the ground.
>Behind him stands a nightmare given fruity form.
>The mango that Discord has poured his magic into is standing over its creator.
>A pair of beefy arms have spontaneously sprouted from the freakish fruit and they are holding the golden scepter like a baseball bat.
>You are too shocked to move as the massive mango reaches down and grabs an unconscious Discord by the scruff of his neck.
>The three of you watch in horror as a slit forms along the front of the mango and opens like of mouth.
>“Mangoooo…” the faux-mouth grunts.
>A thick juice the color of mango pulp starts to ooze out of the abomination’s lips.
>It trickles into Discord’s mouth just as the draconequus starts to wake up.
>Discord swallows a bit, then suddenly sits up, trembling.
>He raises his claw as though he is going to snap his talons, but then slumps over and closes his eyes.
>Pinkie rushes over to the stricken creature and pulls one of his eyes open.
>“Sugar coma!” she gasps.
>She glares up at the giant form in front of her and assumes a fighting pose.
>“Alright, you nasty mango you. Let’s see you pick on somepony when you can’t sucker punch ‘em from behind!”
>The horrible thing opens its mouth-slit again.
>“Not nasty mangoooo.” it  groans. “Best mango... King mango… Mango KING!”
>It pounces on Pinkie.
>Fortunately she’s too quick and dodges the first swing of its scepter.
>She dashes behind the bloated blob and you lose sight of her.
>The giant mango moves around as though looking for its pink opponent.
>Suddenly, Pinkie appears on top of the fruit, knocking its crown off.
>“No overgrown produce is gonna get the best of me!” And with that, Pinkie Pie chomps down on the king mango.
>“Arrrgh!!” cries the fruit.
>It reaches up and knocks its tormentor away.
>Pinkie stands up looking none the worse for wear, mango juice dripping down her muzzle.
>Suddenly she begins to tremble.
>With a small convulsion she falls to the ground.
>Carnelian rushes over to her fallen friend.
>“Pinkie! Are you okay?”
>The mare looks up through drowsy eyes.
>“I- I thought I could stand the sugar rush. But it’s- it’s too sweet…”
>She passes out in your assistant’s hooves.
>By this time Discord’s absurd creation has retrieved its crown and is turning your way.
>Time for a tactical decision.
“Nel, let’s go.”
>“What? But we can’t just…”
“We don’t have any weapons and that thing’s built like a tank.  We gotta retreat for now.”
>Reluctantly, Carnelian lays Pinkie Pie on the ground and joins you as you back away from the pulpy menace.
>The hideous thing opens its maw.
>“You can’t… escape… the Mango King…” it cries.
>Is it getting smarter?
>That’s not good.
>You make your way towards a side street and the “mango king” shuffles after you.
>Fortunately, it doesn’t have any legs so it’s kind of slow.
 >As soon as you both make it around the corner you give Carnelian instructions.
“Nel, get the Princess and the Guard. I’ll go to the house and get the gear, okay?”
>“Right.” she agrees before flying off towards the library.
>After a quick scramble through the back alleys, you burst through your front door and make a bee line for the closet where you store your weapons.
>A few minutes later and you’re all geared up and ready to go.
>Time to make some fruit salad.
>As you make your way back to the town square, screams assault your ears.
>Ponies are running about in panic.
>When you finally reach your destination things are not going well.
>On the ground lay two Royal Guardponies, hopefully just unconscious.
>Princess Twilight is locked in desperate struggle with the monster mango.
>Her head is lowered and she is hitting the fruit with an intense stream of magic.
>The mango is shrugging it off like it’s nothing.
>Carnelian calls out and lands next to you.
>“That thing is completely immune to magic!” she gasps.
>“I got the guard and they were able to stab it, but then it just knocked them out like they were nothing!”
“Why is Twilight just standing there?” you wonder aloud.
>Then you hear the wails of two little foals that are cowering behind the Princess.
>Crap.
>Without thinking, you charge towards the confrontation.
>At the last minute you juke to the right and scoop up the foals.
>When you are clear of the immediate danger you turn towards the embattled alicorn.
“Twilight! The kids are safe! You gotta…”
>The words die on your lips as you see the terrible mango-thing whack the Princess on the head and pick up her limp form.
>You dump the foals and draw your sword.
>As you run back towards the Princess you can see the fruit open its disgusting mouth.
>Orange drool drizzles onto Twilight’s muzzle.
>Gritting your teeth you deliver a tremendous slash to the mango’s back.
>“ArrrGHHH!” it wails and swings around, trying to backhand you with its scepter.
>You were expecting that, however, and nimbly step back to avoid the blow.
“You may be big, but I’ve seen your moves.” you tell your opponent. “I’m going to turn you into a smoothy.”
>You don’t know if the thing understands your threat but it starts to lumber after you.
>Without any legs, though, you are easily able to dodge it, delivering a few well timed slashes.
>After some back and forth, the mango doesn’t seem to be slowing down.
>Time to up the stakes a bit.
>Reaching into your coat for a Molotov, you decide to lead it into one of the alleyways.
>With it hemmed in you’ll be able to light it up like a Christmas tree.
>Just as you start to back away, the mango calls out.
>“Pony. Stop him.”
>Suddenly, you find your limbs stuck.
>You can’t move!
>As you look at your hands and feet, you see them surrounded by purple magic.
>Purple magic? But that would mean…
>“Anon don’t struggle. I don’t want to hurt you.” It’s the Princess.
>She’s got you pinned with her magic and she looks like she’s out of it.
>“Don’t worry, Anon. This mango, it’s sooo sweet. You’ll love it.” she slurs.
>Crap, it’s somehow gotten control of Twilight.
>What is this, a horror movie?
>You twist and turn, trying to get out of Twilight’s hold, but you can’t budge her magical grip.
>The mind controlling mango is upon you and grabs your arms.
>It opens its mouth-slit and starts to drool.
>You kick desperately at its mid-section but the thing is built like a bag of wet cement.
>Without any other options you call out to your assistant on the other side of the square.
“Nel, run! Go to Canterlot and get help!”
>You can’t see her on the other side of the orange wall in front of you but you can hear her desperately crying back to you.
>“But I can’t just leave you!”
“Go, Don’t let Twilight grab you too. Hurry!”
>A pause, then a flap of leathery wings.
>Good, Carnelian will be able to round up the other Princesses and warn them of what they’re up against.
>Your captor stops drooling and turns towards the Princess.
>“Stop her.”
>Twilight looks pensive, even through whatever it is clouding her mind. “Well, she’s out of range now. How do I…? Oh, I know!”
>She lifts her head up and a beam of magic lances towards the sky.
>You feel your stomach drop as a magical dome surrounds everything in sight.
>“She won’t get through that.” she says to the mango, adoringly.
>Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse.
>With a seemingly satisfied grunt the awful fruit leans over you and coats your face with its orange ooze.
>You’re not gonna lie, this is the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you.
>You try to hold your breath but eventually your lungs demand air and you gasp, opening your mouth.
>Some of the juice makes its way inside and hits your tongue.
>It’s… sweet.
>The sweetest thing you’ve ever tasted.
>Your head begins to swim and your vision fades.
>This sweetness it too much for you.
>As you start to pass out, your thoughts turn to your friend and assistant.
“I’m sorry, Nel” you think as the darkness claims you. “You’re on your own.”

To be continued…