The Response.

When I was 13, my mother got me The Sims Online for Christmas because she knew I was a huge fan of The Sims. She was unaware the type of community she'd gotten me into, and to this day I blame her for my interest in online communities. I'd introduced myself as myself, 13 year old Stephanie to the people I came across only to soon find out that no one I was meeting was under the age of 18 despite TSO being for 13+ and discouraging any adult behavior on their servers. No one I tried to talk to would engage in a conversation with me after finding out I was 13. So I soon learned to lie about my age. I started telling people I was 18 years old, and with the age gap came a whole mess of other lies that fed into being five years older than I actually was. College, boyfriends, cars, etc. Things had gotten out of hand, but before I knew it, I had an entire alter ego that revolved purely around being older so I could participate in this community without being shunned for how young I was. I made friends. Good friends. Friends I followed to Secondlife once we didnt want to pay for a subscription to The Sims Online anymore. This went on for 4 years. 4 fucking years I lied to some of my closest friends. I was 17 when I wrote each of them an individual letter fully introducing myself because I was finally in a comfortable place where I felt they knew me, my personality and my intellect and wouldn't be upset by the age gap, especially considering I would be legal very soon. I cared about them very much, and it was a crushing blow for me when all of them cut out on me for lying to them for so long. I'd written each of them a different letter explaining things, and catered each letter to that person specifically. And I waited after sending it to them directly for any questions they might have about why I did it, or specifics I had mentioned in the letters. At the end of the day I was able to take solice in the fact that I had told them the truth and was finally open and honest with myself and was able to apologize to them for lying to them for so long.

I hope you can see the point I'm trying to make.

By posting your apology and revealing yourself to the IMVU community on pulse, not only did it not guarantee that the people you claimed to care about most would see it, but it wasn't personal. It was a public forum for anyone and everyone on your friends list to see. You might have given a handful of friends special mentions, but it took any of us a week to even see that. And even then? Kiki is the one who saw it after a week and sent it to us because we STILL wouldn't have seen it. Regardless of your reasoning for why you did it the way you did, that is cowardice in my opinion and if you really cared about any of us or our feelings, you would have made sure that apology reached us. You know how to get in contact with us. Hell, you could have PMed each of us individually on IMVU... that still would have been better and more genuine than the route you chose.

I understand why you lied. I do. I see the appeal and the reasoning makes sense to me. The lies themselves don't bother me. What bothers me is that you had so many opportunities to tell us, and you still didn't trust us to accept you for who you are. You claimed in your apology that we helped you know that it was okay to be you. That you miss us. But how can any of us four accept this at face value when you didn't have the respect for us to actually make sure we saw this at all? It was by pure chance that Kiki caught it. Things get easily lost in the shuffle and considering the weight of your message, I'd have thought that something as important as this would deserve a direct message. You have so many platforms to reach us on, and you electively chose to share something so personal about yourself, with everyone. We are not special. We do not stand out. We are, but four of many people you've come across in your time on IMVU. Or at least that is the picture you're painting for me. You didn't respect us to give us the opportunity to talk to you about this. To ask you questions. To learn more about you. You dropped this in a public forum and ran. To me, that makes your words less impactful.

I personally feel that I'd gone out of my way to do things for you over the course of our friendship. I sent you gifts, handmade you cards, was a digital shoulder to cry on when needed, and laughed with you when it was time to celebrate your life. I supported your decision to better yourself in all areas of your life, and was always trying to instigate a positive influence on your psyche. We all have our demons, but I truly wanted to help you with yours. There were certain things I was skeptical of that you had told us. Things that didn't add up, but given the trust I had for you, it didn't matter much to me. I brushed it off because I didn't care if you were lying or not. It wasn't important. What is important? You giving me the same respect I have always given you.

After everything we have all been through together, you just disappeared one day. I'm not referring to when you told us you were taking a break from IMVU to focus on your studies. I'm talking about the day that all of your social media accounts went dead. When your Snapchat, Tumblr, Twitter, Kik, and Skype accounts were all dead forms of staying in touch with a dear friend. I'd even asked others if you still showed up for them because I was concerned I'd said or done something to be singled out as the only person you cut off contact with, but I found out it was everyone. It felt as though you wanted to cut us all out of your life like we'd never happened. For this, you owe a specific apology. ESPECIALLY to Kim. She's been worried sick over you and you haven't had the decency to ease the mind of someone who cares so much for you.

It's hard to regain respect for someone who clearly doesnt respect us, so at this point it's all on you.

-Steph