convo boom

YenniToday at 01:09
it takes time
but it will
get better

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:11
For you maybe
For me not

YenniToday at 01:12
for you as well

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:12
Nope

YenniToday at 01:12
yep sis

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:12
This is it
then howeverlong I can last being like this
Seeing anyone and everyone do better
Til i finally fucking commit

YenniToday at 01:13
if it's up to me you'll never commit

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:13
Its not up to you

YenniToday at 01:13
and yeah, there's always gonna be people doing better

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:13
Everyone doing better
With less hrt time

YenniToday at 01:13
plenty of people doing worse

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:13
A non fucked body
I cant

YenniToday at 01:14
you body isn't fucked

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:14
It fucking is
Ribcage shoulders hips weight neck face kneecaps ankles upper arms
I want to crack my 2 lower ribs

YenniToday at 01:16
body shape wise, shoulders ribs fine, yes in that cosplay w the front facing one didn't look good, ngl. other outfits like your normal stiped tops, look completely fine.
weight imo fine
face good imho

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:16
None of that
Is fine
Its all
Awful

YenniToday at 01:17
it's not

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:17
It
Really

YenniToday at 01:17
you see it as awful

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:17
Is
At thats not
Dysph xd
It nags me in my mind
24/7
Forever

YenniToday at 01:17
yeah
mood
thats
dysph
I have it as well

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:18
Not dysph for me
Reality

YenniToday at 01:18
and honestly don't know if that nagging ever goes away ngl

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:18
Where no matter what I do
Will never ever be happy
Since I cant change them enough
So I want to give up

YenniToday at 01:19
You can't give up
not yet at least
plenty of stuff left to happen, to change, and to do

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:20
Ive given it long enough
Im done now

YenniToday at 01:20
you're not
not even at a year yet sis

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:21
and 10 years can pass and il still be thr same
Still unhappy
Probs every inch of skin scarred by then

YenniToday at 01:21
Not if I can help it

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:21
Not even getting to 10 years

YenniToday at 01:21
or have any say in it whatsoever

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:21
Fucking yikes a fucking year

YenniToday at 01:21
yeah
do you wanna see someone
mtf
also a year in

there
infinitely better than that

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:22
Cherrypicked

YenniToday at 01:22
not really lol
you know how you brose tt
yeah
yeet it on controversial
get buncha these

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:23
Wow
So im
That tier
Great
Cool

YenniToday at 01:23
you're not lol

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:23
Lol
No

YenniToday at 01:23
dysph's a bitch
and I can't change how you view yourself atm
but you're not at that tier

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:24
tfw you wake up and you're still stuck inside that same gross ugly mutilated corpse as last time
Ruins my day to wake up and remember that I have this awful body. Takes me forever to get out of bed.

YenniToday at 01:26
yeah, felt that 100%. you feel the same. smth we have to fucking live with sadly. doesn't go away I'm fairly sure. just lowers in intensity.

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:26
Or

YenniToday at 01:26
but it'll get managable

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:26
It gets
Worse
And worse
And worse

YenniToday at 01:27
since? also 2 weeks ago?
that it's been getting worse?

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:27
Somethinf like that
Last weeks been the worst so far

YenniToday at 01:27
cause yeah I've noticed your mental slowly getting worse last few weeks
honestly think you have severe seasonal depression ngl

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:28
hard cried about 4 times already

YenniToday at 01:28
and I dunno what to do abt that looking at your situation

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:28
Xd

YenniToday at 01:29
w the gatekeeping from trans stuff if you were to get anti depressants seasonally
if you lived here, would get you to docs, on hrt and anti depressants since they don't gatekeep like that over here
but honestly if it's this bad, might have to possibly delay trans system stuff and get on antidepressants seasonally

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:30
Haha xd

YenniToday at 01:30
not haha xd
you've seen them work wonders on james
sim time last year you had mega yikes as well
even you said last night in boom that it's a yearly occurance
to me that all just points to seasonal depression
and a p bad case of it

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:32
seasonal realisation of how awful I am
Now with added dysphoria

YenniToday at 01:33
not reallyyy, seasonal depression, makes dysph worse and harder to deal with, and it manifests like that
just makes you feel like it's that

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:33
No
Just
Deluded
Myzelf
Previously
With everyone
Hugboxing
Ogbhaha its fine it looks good hahaha
Since they know I go off the deep end otherwise

YenniToday at 01:33
?

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:33
I hate it

YenniToday at 01:34
even today james said no when you asked an opinion on those skirts
even luke said the front body shots weren't good
we don't hugbox sis

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:34
I hate it I hate it I hate it stop goving hope it justbgets torn down every fucking time I cany

YenniToday at 01:34
I know
it gets torn down
over and over
feels like absolute fucking shit I know

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:35
Great
So xan I
Stop

YenniToday at 01:35
No

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:35
Inject air
exit bag
whatever prescription painkillers

YenniToday at 01:36
I know you won't want to go in the future. so I can't let you

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:36
What future lmao

YenniToday at 01:36
your future

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:37
Being cremated jn a few montgs
He was sych a good son

YenniToday at 01:37
no
not that future

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:38
Only 1

YenniToday at 01:38
honestly, if you want me to let you go. I could only maybe barely fucking do that after you've tried literally everything to get better.
anti depressants, multiple of em see which ones work. new job, uni mastes, better job after that, diff dosages for hrt and so many more things
I'll get you to try them, go though all the things I can think of.

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:41
Wont work

YenniToday at 01:41
we won't know
untill we try

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:41
It wont
And I know it wont

YenniToday at 01:42
would you say hrt works for me?

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:42
Yes

YenniToday at 01:42
yeah
I literally

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:42
Your body isnt shit

YenniToday at 01:42
said those words to you
verbatim
before I tried it

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:42
You
Starting from good
Me
Polisging a shit
Still shit
It just has makeup on

YenniToday at 01:43
you're not shit

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:43
Stop

YenniToday at 01:44
like yeah seen you pre hrt pics and sure, those weren't good ngl.
wouldn't call it shit
look where you've come now
you're so much greater than you once were

Alice MargatroidToday at 01:45
Polished shit
Its not gokd enough
Nowhere close
And its never getting vetter
goodnight

YenniToday at 01:46
sis
you in bed?
Anything bad with you?
neeeeddd a fat promise and answer on those
okay
okay
thank you
I'm here, always okay
I really am though
once I start caring about someone, I just can't let them go. need to always be there if needed, so I am, because I care about you, even if you don't.