FACADE STAGEPLAY
Sun Jun 07 2020

GRACE
Trip, when are you going to get rid of this?

TRIP
What, Grace... this?

GRACE
Yes, you know how I feel about it --

TRIP
I know I know I'll do it right now, alright?!

GRACE
You know I've had to ask you about this several --

TRIP
Get off my back!  I'll get rid of it in just a minute!

GRACE
Fine, Trip... fine...

(Trip opens the front door.)

TRIP
Andrew!!

TRIP
Hey!  I thought I heard someone out here! God  it's been so long since we've seen you!    How are you doing, man?

ANDREW
hello

TRIP
Yeah, hi!

TRIP
Wow, it's so great to see you after so long.

TRIP
Come on in!

TRIP
Uh, I'll -- I'll go get Grace...

TRIP
(unintelligable arguing)

TRIP
(unintelligable arguing)

TRIP
(unintelligable arguing)

(ANDREW picks up the advice ball.)

(The advice ball reads, "Sure Thing")

(ANDREW puts down the advice ball.)

GRACE
Andrew,

GRACE
Hi!  How are you?  I'm so happy to see you after so long!

TRIP
Yeah, how -- how are you doing?

GRACE
I just asked him that...

TRIP
I can ask too!

GRACE
(frustrated sigh)

ANDREW
show me your titts

GRACE
Uh...

GRACE
So, come in, make yourself at home...

TRIP
I'm just going to go close the door.

TRIP
Oh,    Andrew,  take a look at this photo I just put up from our trip to Italy a couple of weeks ago...

(Trip closes the front door.)

GRACE
(little sigh)

ANDREW
u fucking bitch

TRIP
Andrew, -- (interrupted)

GRACE
Um, wait...

GRACE
You think we should....

GRACE
have more sex...

ANDREW
yes

TRIP
Ha ha, ha, oh, you're -- you're quite the kidder tonight, ha ha ha...

GRACE
Ha ha, yeah...

TRIP
Ha ha, heh, never afraid to say anything that pops into your mind, ha heh heh...

TRIP
Andrew,  come on, take a look at this picture! -- (interrupted)

GRACE
Trip, darling, your obsession with that photo of yours is making our friend uncomfortable.

TRIP
(little sigh)

ANDREW
show your boobs

GRACE
Andrew,  you know that flirting with me is only going to make me wish I married you instead of Trip.

TRIP
(clears throat) Alright, alright, break it up you two.

GRACE
(clears throat)

TRIP
Huh, y -- you two are really getting along well tonight...

GRACE
Andrew,  seeing you again makes me remember the wonderful times we all used to have.  -- (interrupted)

PHONE
** RING **

GRACE
Oh, I'll get it --

TRIP
No, no no no, our friend's here, we can let the answering machine get it.

PHONE
** RING **

GRACE
Trip, no, I want --

TRIP
Grace, come on, don't be rude.

TRIP
Why, are you expecting a phone call?

PHONE
** RING **

GRACE
No, are you?

TRIP
No...

(ANDREW picks up the phone.)

PHONE
Hello?  Hello?

TRIP
Andrew,  no!  Don't do that.

PHONE
Who is this?  Travis, is that you?  This is your mother.

TRIP
Uhh, that's my mother, I can hear her loud voice.

GRACE
Oh!

PHONE
I -- I think I have the wrong number... ** click **

TRIP
Okay, she's confused, as usual... just -- just hang it up. -- (interrupted)

(ANDREW puts down the phone.)

TRIP
Oh, good, you hung up. I don't want to talk to her.

GRACE
Anyhow, Trip's parents... They're sweet people, really down to earth --

TRIP
Uhh, no, they're ignorant, they wouldn't know what a cumberbund from a cucumber.

GRACE
(frustrated sigh)

ANDREW
lets sex

(Trip shakes the advice ball.)

TRIP
Um, uh, wait...

TRIP
You think we should....

TRIP
have more sex...

ANDREW
yeah

TRIP
Ah...  ha ha... heh heh... ah, you're, uh... you're...

GRACE
Wait, wait -- what is he --

TRIP
No no, Grace, no no, he's just... testing us tonight, I think, heh... it's funny...

GRACE
(clears throat)

TRIP
(frustrated sigh)

TRIP
Uh...

ANDREW
show your pussy

GRACE
(big sigh)

GRACE
Andrew,  you're not enjoying this are you?

TRIP
What?

GRACE
Trip, have you noticed, we're fighting in front of our friend.

TRIP
Grace, come on, it's not helping things for you to say that...

GRACE
Trip, there's nothing wrong with disagreeing in front of our friend --

TRIP
Disagreeing?!  We're NOT disagreeing.  We're, we're not.

TRIP
(frustrated sigh) Sheejus.

(Trip shakes the advice ball.)

TRIP
Heh... No doubt about it.

TRIP
Huh...  I don't know about that... -- (interrupted)

ANDREW
what's going on

TRIP
What?  N - n - no no, I -- I'm good, w -- we're good, e - e - everything's good...

TRIP
(clears throat)

GRACE
(happy but tense sigh)

GRACE
Andrew,

GRACE
you and I are getting along so well tonight...

ANDREW
whats your problem

GRACE
Stay there for a moment... -- (interrupted)

TRIP
Okay,    Andrew,  I think this evening is over, you've got to leave.

(Trip opens the front door.)

TRIP
We'll be fine -- you should just go.

(Trip closes the front door.)