Original Character: Donut Steele

>You are original character, Donut Steele.
>You are the only human in Equestria, and a damn fine one if you do say so yourself.
>You’re a ninja, pirate, shaolin monk, gunslinger, genius inventor and private detective.
>And you collaborate with Pinkie Pie on the weekends to plan parties.
>Lately though, somep0ny has been even more obsessed with you than yourself.
>Her name is Fluttershy.
>She’s a timid little piss stain on the carpet of life, compared to your absolute glory.
>She’s shy, demure and cute as a button.
>You can’t stand her. P0nies almost think she’s as beautiful as you.
>And on top of this, she comes to pester you every day.
>”Mr Steele... Please come out. I have something to show you... If you want to, that is...”
>She’s hovering at your window, calling for you as you practice your sick guitar riffs in your indoor amphitheatre.
>Yes, you live in the biggest house in Equestria. You bought it after winning the Hoofington Lottery twice.
>Then you had it moved to where your old house was, brick by brick when you won the Canterlot Lottery.
>You realise it’s closer to lemon hush’s den of beastiality, but it’s perfectly positioned so that you can see the statue of yourself that you had erected in Ponyville town square from your bedroom window.
>She’s broken into your house again, despite you having the best security p0nies can make.
>The pie launchers must have been on the fritz again.
>She’s on the PA system, but she could be anywhere in the house.
>For the sake of brevity, you’ll just have to go out there.
>You step out the front door, when your ninja senses start tingling.
>Time slows down to a crawl, as you use your superior combat-honed senses to sense where the attack is coming from.
>Above!
>You flip out your wrist mounted armblade and swing it in an arc above you, cutting the net in two.
>It falls limply either side of you.
>”Oh bother.” Says Fluttershy.
“Any other bright ideas, genius?”
>The laugh track you had installed in your house plays as it senses your COMPLETELY ORIGINAL JOKE PLEASE DO NOT STEAL.
>”W-well... I was wondering...”
“Yes...?”
>”Y-you see I was thinking...”
“YES...?”
>”I just thought that...”
“Hurry up, Fluttershy.”
>”Is slapstick comedy your fetish, Mr Steele?”
>As she says this, you look up and get smacked in the head by a falling anvil that had been pushed off a cloud by a grey Pegasus mare.
>The anvil doesn’t kill you, though, since your bones are made of adamantium.
>It just comically plows your head into the ground.
>”W-well, is it?”
“MMMF.”
>”I-I’ll take that as a no.”
“MMMF.”
>”I’ll come back tomorrow. See you later, Mr Steele.”
>And with that she flutters away.
>You know, it’s funny. If it weren’t for your powers that you learned from the great Mary Sue, now the second strongest human in the universe to only yourself, you’d be dead.
>But at the same time you wouldn’t have a psychopathic pastel p0ny trying to jump your bones.
>But all you know is that while you’re under this anvil, you won’t be
>Fucking Fluttershy