Monica Anaconda and the Sacred Chalice

>died in the real world, got Isekai'ed into this goofy place
>went to a lake
>got a sword from this chick in the lake, pretty sweet
>cursed Sword, now I'm married, great
>Now I got this sword that's after my dick, and some loser who follows me around, clapping coconuts together
>no idea where the loser came from, can't get him to leave me alone
>come to this town
>some kind of witchhunt or something
>witch is like two feet tall and wearing this goofy hat
>keeps talking about summoning the knights who say nii
>I'm mostly uninterested but the trial is amusing
>some jackass pipes up
>"I heard she turned Astolfo into an alp!"
>guy in the back sucking dicks takes the dick out of his mouth
>"I got better"
>Witch starts saying some weird shit, starts drawing in the air in a circle
>aww fuk
>"-nii"
>shit
>"Ooooniiiii"
>sssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttt
>"Onii-chan!"
>Out of the circle all these goat looking girls come running out, tackling people
>One comes running after me, tackles me, says I'm her big brother or some shit
>now I've got two waifus
>go to this cave
>some dork that started following me said there's some crazy ass rabbit down there
>bullshit asshole, I'm not afraid of some fucking bunny shit
>Go to the cave
>some green haired, bunny eared girl is down next to some skulls, looks calm as fuck
>I look back at the rest of the group, gotta be kidding me
>while my back is turned, RKO out of nowhere
>literally went from full armor to having my knickers off
>she's going rabbit wild on my knob
>after she's had her fun, continue on my quest
>three waifus now, jesus christ make it stop
>come to this castle, ask if they can feed and shelter us for the evening
>french cuck starts screaming insults, says he has some kind of Sacred Chalice
>suddenly I remember that I needed some kind of Sacred Chalice for some condition of being reborn in this world
>Tell french cuck that I'm coming in to investigate the Sanctified Cup
>hear catapult sling something into the air
>whatever it is is fucking big, furry, and vaguely spiderlooking
>lands on coconut clopping doof
>Ushi-Oni then proceeds to strip and rape the clop hopper
>Ok, now it's on
>Begin the charge
>shitload of cars show up
>FBI written on side
>Put cuffs on me, point to the little goat girl
>sheeeeeeeeit