In the Valley of the Shadow of Memory (Challenge No.63 winner)

mrsorrystick, February 5, 2015; 11:06 / FB 29507
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In the Valley of the Shadow of Memory
By Mr. Sorry Stick

I remember that I was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s… or was it dementia? I can’t quite make it out. If I think hard I can…. What time is it? Time moves so quickly here. One second it’s eight in the morning, then I look up at the clock and it’s nine at night and … Where am I? This isn’t my home! This isn’t….. I don’t recognize any of these people. I know her, but I can’t think of her name. Shit. Why can’t I remember her name?

“Hiya, Mr. Smith. Are you having a good day?!”

She’s a nurse, am I in a hospital. Where’s Mary? She was here a second ago.

“Just a few more minutes now and we’ll bring in the ponies. Are you excited?”

Why does everyone talk to me like a god damn two year old? Where’s Mary?! I remember an accident. A Car. God is that where we are? Is she hurt?!

“Mary?,” I hear my self croak. “Where’s… Mary?”

“Mary’s gone…. She’ll be right back Mr. Smith. You just hang in there, ok? We’ll get you some hay so you can feed the ponies, and I’ll go see if I can’t find Mary. “

Damn it to hell this is a hospital. They don’t allow Ponies in a hospital! I wish people would stop lying to me. Every day its lies on top of more lies. Mary is dead. She’s been dead for fifteen years…. Mary’s dead. That’s right. She didn’t get to see…. God what was his name. He graduated, at least I think he did. Goddamn it.

“All right, now you remember the rules?”

“Yes, miss Shewa.”

Babies?! They’re bringing kids here? I love children. I had a boy named bobby once. Named him after that song “Bobby Magee” that Mary used to like. God, who sang that…It’ll be good to see my Bobby again. I miss him so much.

“What are they?”

“Don’ be woud.”

Oh he can be loud if he wants to! He can be so loud he wakes the dead, just let him in.

“Be Gentew”

He can bowl me over if he wants to. I remember when I’d come home from the factory and he’d just about knock me over. It sometimes hurt me then, but I’d kill Thompson over there for one of Bobby’s warm hugs. They always made the world right and it aint been right since… Oh, god when did he go?

“No wunning”

He’s only two. Running is his life. Don’t make the boy not run. Time is so short…. It moves so quickly here. Let him run while he can.

“If you need make poopies, dewes a witta box in da cownew”

Litter box? What kind of a hospital is this? Bobby’ a grown man, he doesn’t need to go in a… Bobby’s grown?

“Very good! Ok you can go in now”

There WERE ponies; little Clydesdales and tiny black Arabians. Horses of all kinds! And is that - It is an appaloosa! And it’s coming to me!

“Hewwow Mistuh Smif! Fwuffy Missed you? Why haff saddie waws, Need Huggies?”

“I sure do, applejack I sure do”

The tiny creature is hugging me and… it feels so warm.

“I don’t know if I ever told you, but I used to have a pony when I was a kid named Applejack”

“Weawy?!”

“Yup. I used to ride him all over Kentucky. Course, he was a bit bigger than you. God we were inseparable. Never did learn to drive till I got in the Army…. Had to sell him to get the bus fare to go”

The hug tightened

“You wan teww fuffwy bout awmy? Fwuffy wuv stowies”

“Sure. I went in in 63. Spent … I don’t know how many weeks in Fort Knox training. Had one wild weekend Louisville, then they put me on a plane and took me to a place called Viet Nam.”

“Am Venam faw away?”

“Sure is little guy. Pretty far away. All the way across thee ocean.”

“Wat Ocean? “

“It’s a huge thing of water. Just bout as far from one end of the sky to another. No land what so ever.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah”

I felt my hand ruffle his mane. His coat was so thick and warm it reminded me of.

“Did I ever tell you about gunner?”

“No”

“Well gunner was a mutt some officer bought in Saigon for his wife. Took his wife home, but the Army wouldn’t let him bring the dog home. So he became the base mascot, although he earned it a lot sooner than that. We called him gunner cause he’d go out on the gunship with us. He’d be the first one off that helicopter and the last one off. Gunner would take to a solider, and we’d get hit. Gunner would stay right with him. Save him from motor rounds. We had a saying while we was over there. It wasn’t the ones you could hear that would kill you, it was the ones you couldn’t. Gunner saved more than one soldier by tripping them when he heard one. One time we’d heard something in the fence, so we called in to ask permission to use the claymores. Gunner began barking and snarling and snapping at the barbed wire. Base commander called it off cause of him. When we checked the fence the next day, Charlie had turned all the claymores around so they would have vaporized the base. He was a good dog.

“Where Gunnew Nao?”

They shot him, kid. Some stupid asshole took him out and shot him because he wasn’t an “official army dog” and a “disgrace to the service.”

“He died… You… you want some hay?”

“Suwe! Fwuffy wuv yewwow gwassies! Am bestest numies!”

I stroke his mane while he eats, his little nose rubbing the palm of my hand. It comes in waves, but now I remember so much; bobby graduating, Mary totaling her car afraid I’d be mad, but being so glad she was ok, our daughter having our grandson. He was the only one I got to see born. I remember summer picnics and water fights. I remember the fight I had with Judith over her tattoos, and then telling her how beautiful they looked with her wedding dress. I remember bobby getting baptized, then graduating seminary. I remember proposing to Mary on Macinac Island. I remember our honey moon.

I remember watching Mary die from cancer… At least I think she died.

“Ok, I need all my pony friends to line up at the door; it’s time to go now”
“Bye Bye, Mistuh Smif. Fwuffy wub you!”

Don’t go. I need to remember so much. It’s better when you are here, please. Please! I can think clearer, and you don’t talk to me like I’m Bobby’s age… please.

“Bye buddy. I’ll see you next time.”

I can do this without him. Bobby is my youngest. No, the oldest. He’s married to Judith. No, Judy’s my oldest, she’s married to… she’s. God what is his name! She’s… she’s not married to anyone. She’s four, Bobby’s two. Or are they? What is this place? Where am I. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be here. Everyone’s dying here. Everyone. Mary, Bobby. Judith. Sarge. No Bobby’s alive. I saw him graduate. Judith had the baby. She named him Bobby. Or was it a her? I don’t want to be here. I need…. I want…

Please don’t leave me alone.