All For A Bottle of Seltzer (Commission for Barthurs)

	Alone, confused, and out of money for seltzer, Barthurs finds himself standing before a pair of glass pane doors.
	"Get it together," he mutters to himself, shaking his head, "it's just a clinical trial."
	Indeed it was ― for a pharmaceutical company that sells aphrodisiacs, no less. All he had to do was take a pill, tell them how riled up it made him feel, and walk out with a nice wad of cash.
	Barthurs took a deep breath as he pushed the doors before him open. The clinic that they had decided to run the trial at was blindingly white, and reeked of sterility. The tiles were glazed with the most obnoxiously glossy substance imaginable, and the reflections of fluorescent light that bounced off of them were difficult to ignore. Barthurs squinted his eyes as he walked over to the reception desk, where a busty, blonde, and bespectacled succubus was tabbing through a binder.
	"Hello, how can I help you?" The receptionist politely and robotically asked.
	"I'm here for the Kissexis testing." Barthurs replied.
	The receptionist's demeanor suddenly changes. "Oh, are you into that kind of stuff?" She digs, a lascivious grin hiking up her cheeks.
	"No, no, no, I-I just want to help out the field!" Barthurs stammers, "I also need money, but it's one-hundred percent a charitable self-sacrifice sort of thing. I have a wife already."
	This was a lie, but a very effective one if you wanted to save yourself for "the one". Even in the northern end of the midwest, there's always hope for that sort of romantic encounter.
	"Ah, what a shame. I could've paid you for a couple of favors, if you know what I mean." She murmurs, flexing her eyebrows suggestively. "Anyway, the Kissexis trial is in the hall to your left, second door to the right."
	"Got it." Barthurs nodded, speeding off away from the receptionist's desk.
	Barthurs swung open the door to the clinic. There, a scylla in a tight-fitting nurse's uniform was running through a checklist. She caught a glimpse of Barthurs, and smiled. "Are you here for the Kissexis clinical trial?"
	"Yeah."
	"Very well, please sign in on this form, and sign one of the consent forms behind it. I'll be with you shortly, but first, you need to speak with our pharmacy technician about the potential risks and known side effects of the drug. It's nothing too bad, so don't fret over it too much." She recites, handing Barthurs a clipboard before walking into a small office.

	A purple-skinned lich is feverishly studying the results of the trial so far. Her face, sunken in with fatigue, stares blankly at a computer screen as her trembling hands bring a "Don't talk to me on days that end in 'y'" coffee mug filled with extra-dark French roast coffee to her lips. The only part of her silve-white hair that isn't a complete mess is the three-strand braid that gently falls over the front of her shoulder. Her lab coat looks like it hasn't been ironed in at least a decade, presumably because it's a lot easier just to toss the damn thing in the wash and let it air-dry.
	A brunette scylla in a hot pink nurse's uniform  walks in through the door. "Liana! We've finally got a young one. I'm so excited!"
	"It's just a clinical trial, Jessica. If you get too carried away, you might cost yourself the job."
	"I know, I know, but I'm getting bored of using the artificial mouth. I signed up for this thinking it'd be like a kissing booth, y'know?"
	"Didn't take you for the slutty type."
	"I'm not a slut! Kissing is a very pure and noble act."
	"Not when you're using a clinical trial as an excuse to get off. I really hate shameless girls like you."
	"Ugh, whatever, sourpuss. Just clear him for testing already."
	"Right." The lich slowly gets up from her chair, and saunters out of the office.

	As Barthurs finishes signing the consent form, he looks up to see a very tired, very cranky lich hobble over to him.
	"Are you alright?" he asks.
	"These cheap-ass office chairs are so fucking uncomfortable. I don't know how anyone works here. And you are?"
	"Uh, Barthurs."
	The lich snatches the clipboard from him, and looks over his forms. "Alright, nice, cool, awesome, whatever. Got any pre-existing conditions we should know about?"
	"Not really no."
	"That includes fetishes."
	"...Seriously?"
	"Dead serious."
	"Ah, well... I like ahegao. And uh, inverted nipples."
	"Inverted nipples?"
	"Yeah, they're cute."
	"But you find them arousing?"
	"Well, yeah."
	"Interesting..." the lich mutters to herself. "Thank you for the information, Barthurs. The nurse will be right with you." The Lich smirks before walking back to the office without any trace of the limp she had before.
	"What a weirdo." Barthurs mumbles to himself.

	Back in the office, Jessica is eagerly mixing together the Kissexis reagents into a thick, foamy green liquid. Liana casually comes through the door, but instead of immediately returning to her desk, she taps Jessica on the shoulder.
	"I got this one." Liana declares, much to the chagrin of Jessica.
	"Whaaaat?! No way! Nuh-uh! I called dibs!"
	"I don't remember hearing about that."
	"It was implied!"
	"It was still not directly communicated, so, dibs."
	"You did not just-"
	"What are you going to do about it? I called dibs. Do you want to duel over it?" Liana coldly monotones, glaring at her with a sullen expression.
	"N-no..."
	"Good. Now hand over your spare uniform."
	"I didn't bring one..."
	"Then you already know what you have to do."
	"Alright, alright! Jeez. What made you so interested in him?"
	"I like how gullible he is. He told me his sexual fetishes without even batting an eye. It's cute. I want to see how much I can get away with."
	"You're really a step beyond evil, you know that?"
	"Not evil, just mad."

	The "nurse" steps out of the office, holding a small bottle of seafoam-green liquid.
	"Hello, Barthurs, my name is Liana. I'll be your nurse for today."
	The nurse's outfit was uncomfortably tight, hugging her hourglass figure. The skirt gave a preview of the lower half of her ass, and the button-up shirt was experiencing a great deal of stress at the buttons, giving multiple viewing angles of her ample chest.
	"Wait, you're a nurse, too?" Barthurs inquired, completely oblivious.
	"I'm taking over for now. The other nurse had a wardrobe malfunction, so she's getting a change of clothes. Now, open your mouth wide, and say, 'aaah'."
	As Barthurs opened his mouth, Liana poured some of the Kissexis into her mouth. After swishing it around a bit, she forced her lips against Barthurs's, and forced the concoction into his mouth with her tongue. Barthurs, confused, pushed Liana away, but not before accidentally ingesting some of the mint-flavored medicine.
	"You could have given me a heads up!" Barthurs coughed."
	"You must not have read the consent form. Kissexis needs to be taken from the mouth of another. The mixing of different saliva activates the chemical component."
	This was an absolute lie, but it would remain uncontested by Barthurs, who regretted not knowing better.
	"So, what is it supposed to do?"
	"Kissexis amplifies stimulus to the lips and tongue. In past tests, we've found that sufficient stimulation to the lips can even induce orgasm."
	"Ah. That's... creative."
	"You should be feeling the drug's effects now. Do you notice anything peculiar?"
	"My lips are kinda tingly... And my throat is warm."
	"Do you feel like you need more?"
	"No, I think this is enough."
	"What if I want to get you addicted to it?"
	"Huh?!"
	"This is actually concentrated bubble slime."
	Barthurs spat on the ground, and furiously wiped his tongue on his sleeve.
	"It's a joke. You don't have to take everything so seriously."
	"That's a really mean prank, y'know!"
	"I'm sorry. Will you forgive me if I show you my breasts?"
	"You, uh-wh-pardon-m-m"
	"I happen to have inverted nipples. You have a preference for those, don't you?"
	"Hey, wait a minute-Liana!" Barthurs panicked.
	The normally stoic and monotone lich let out an uncharacteristic giggle. "Again, I was only joking. Let's begin phase two of testing."
	"Huh-mmmmnnn?!"
	The lich locked lips with Barthurs once more, holding the back of his head with one hand, and forcing his waist against hers with the other. Her soft, cold lips were pursed tightly around Barthurs's lower lip, and she gently bit it with a lewd purr.
	Barthurs did his best not to show his arousal, but the medicine made it incredibly difficult. Anything that touched his lips sent a jolt of pure ecstasy down his spine.
	Liana forced her cold tongue inside of Barthurs's mouth, pushing his head even closer to hers as she thoroughly coated the inside of his mouth with her saliva. Barthurs practically melted with pleasure as the drug continued to work its magic. Riled up, Barthurs's erection prodded the front of his jeans, demanding freedom.
	Liana broke the kiss, a thin trail of spit still connecting the two of them together. "How does the drug feel?" She grinned.
	"It's, uh..." Barthurs panted, "pretty good. Works pretty good, I'd say."
	"I'm pleased to hear that you're satisfied with the results, but..." She began, forcing Barthurs's lower back forward, and pressing her hips firmly against his raging erection. "If you would like to participate in further testing, it would be a huge service to the lab."
	Barthurs's heart raced at the thought, even though his current situation made him nearly die of embarrassment. Liana smiled at his obvious hesitation. She gently began to rub up against him, rocking her hips against the groin of his jeans.
	"L-L-Liana, wait!" Barthurs pleaded.
	"What's wrong?" Liana feigned concern.
	"You're, uh rubbing up... Against me."
	"Am I holding you too tightly? You have my apologies. You're really warm."
	Liana's hand on Barthurs's back suddenly slid up his shirt, her frigid fingertips gently caressing his bare skin.
	"Liana!" Barthurs yelped.
	"Are you ready to answer me?"
	Barthurs, thinking with his other "head", hastily replied, "Yeah, it's fine! Test away!"
	Liana forced another kiss on him, this one more vigorous than the last. The intense, breath-stealing pleasure of the drugged kiss, and Liana's constant dry-humping made fighting her influence incredibly difficult. Dizzied with pleasure, Barthurs wrapped his arms around her, desperately clinging to her half-exposed ass. Liana let out a soft moan, surprised that he would take initiative. Just as the drug was about to induce an orgasm, she pulled away from Barthurs's mouth again. "You should be careful with that. I'm just doing my job, you know. You're lucky I find you cute."
	"Sorry, it felt like I was going to fall." Barthurs huffs.
	"Oh, do you need to lay down?"
	"No, I think I jus-"
	Liana pushes Barthurs down against the cold, hard tile. "You're a very lucky guy, Barthurs. Since you're the last person we're expecting to show up today, I'm going to run a few more tests on you." She monotones, her braid falling softly onto Barthurs's chest as she coldly climbs on top of him like a starving predator.
	"Th-this hardly seems scientific." Barthurs protests.
	"It's for personal research." She smiles coldly as she forces yet another kiss onto Barthurs. She positions her ass right on top of Barthurs's waist, and gently grinds against his groin. Barthurs, completely defenseless, gives in to temptation, giving the lich free reign over his mouth. Liana moans softly as she teases herself against Barthurs's erection. But, something feels off. A wet stain begins to form on Barthurs's pants, though not of his own doing.
	"Liana, are you wearing underwear?" Barthurs asks innocently.
	"Underwear is such a hassle. I usually just throw on my lab coat, and call it done. I almost didn't bother putting on this nurse's uniform." She replies, leaning into her waist. "I appreciate your concern, though."
	"Oh, and the drug finally wore off. I mean, I'm definitely still turned on, but..."
	"Is that so? What a shame. I was looking forward to teasing you more."
	"Ah, sorry about that. Let me know when you're running another clinical trial, and I'll come right away."
	"Oh, I will." She smirked slightly. "Anyway, I need to write your check. One moment, please." Liana climbs off of Barthurs, and casually walks back to the office.
	Barthurs gets back to his feet, scratching his head. "You sure have one cute smile..." he mutters quietly to himself

	Inside the office, a half-naked Jessica is frantically sorting through files with her tentacles. She hears the door open, and pouts. "Are you finally done with him?" she prods.
	Liana walks in, struggling to undo the buttons of the undersized nurse's uniform. "I don't think I'll ever be done with him. He's definitely my type."
	"Oh jeez, just rub it in, why don't you?"
	"I've already rubbed it plenty."
	"You perverted quack."
	"If I'm perverse, you must be a degenerate. With as many misconduct demerits on your record as you have, you should be happy I intervened."
	"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just don't go breaking his heart. He looks like a pretty nice guy."
	"Too nice for his own good, I'd say. He even let me know when the drug stopped working. I admire his dedication to the experiment."
	"Uh-oh~! Did you catch feelings for a guinea pig?"
	A bolt of arcane energy arcs in Jessica's direction, singeing her hair before striking the wall behind her.
	"Eeep!" Jessica screams.
	"Say that again, and the next one might hurt you."
	"Jeez, I was only teasing!"

	Liana walks back out of the office in her lab coat, with Barthurs's check in hand. "Thank you for your participation in this study." She recites, handing over the check.
	"Sweet, I can finally buy some more seltzer."
	"Barthurs, would you like to arrange another experiment? I'll compensate you accordingly."
	"Really? Sure, I won't say no to easy money."
	"Excellent. Starting tomorrow, I'd like for you to be my personal guinea pig. You'll be the first one to know and try out any and all products I get approval from R&D for."
	"Wait, I thought you said it was only one experiment!"
	"You participating in my experiments is the experiment."
	"You're going to need to elaborate on that one."
	Liana pulls Barthurs close by his shirt, and fires off a menacing, deadpan glare directly into his eyes. "I don't want to risk a behavioral demerit from my company, but I won't be able to fully research the effectiveness of my products without someone to take a more... direct approach with. Do you understand what I'm getting at?"
	"You want to have sex?"
	A bolt of arcane energy whizzes past Barthurs's neck. He almost yelps in fear, but manages to swallow it down.
	Liana, who is blushing uncharacteristically, glares harder at Barthurs. "As I said, it's purely experimental. I have no need for a marital partner."
	Barthurs, completely lost, asks, "Who said anything about marriage?" Another arcane bolt flies over his shoulder.
	"Are you fine with being my guinea pig or not?!" Liana growls in frustration.
	"Hang on, I gotta think about this. What's the pay like?"
	"Are you... teasing me?" Liana scowls.
	"Not at all." Barthurs lies through his teeth. "This is a serious commitment for me. I need to know my prospects. Do you have dental insurance?"
	"You don't need insurance, any problems I may caused you can be easily rectified by my own magic."
	"And how much is that going to cost me?"
	"You do know how magic works, right?"
	"No, not really, but I'd be happy to learn."
	Liana undoes the buttons to her lab coat, exposing her bare skin to Barthurs. Her well-endowed chest jiggles as she casts off her only article of clothing. "In order to resore mana, a monster needs to take in a man's spiritual energy, and convert it into her own. Due to my choice of career, there will be plenty of opportunities for me to receive some of your energy, so long as you are satisfied with having me as your partner."
	Barthurs eyes her up, his eyes magnetically drawn to her hourglass figure. Her skin is completely pale, lavender in color, and devoid of  scars or imperfections, despite clearly being an undead creature. Her physique is also slightly muscular, despite her carefree attitude. Her chest is sizeable, and her breasts have purple inverted nipples with rather small areolae around them. Her thighs and ass are also impeccable, and jiggle with even the slightest motion. Her groin was still soaking wet from teasing him earlier. Barthurs felt his heart race at the prospect of having his way with someone like her.
	"So, do you agree to participate in the experiment, Barthurs?"
	"I, uh, I'm, uh..."
	Liana walks up to Barthurs, grabbing his hand. "I'll even take care of your living expenses for a while. From what I can tell, you are a bit thin on savings." She insists, pressing her bare breasts against his arm.
	"Alright, alright! To be honest, you had me at inverted nipples."
	"So, it's a date, then?"
	"Wait, date? Who said anything about dating?"
	"I mean, we'll have to set a time and place for everything. Plus, as my personal guinea pig, I need to be as familiar with you as possible. That means no secrets."
	"I'm not the type to keep them."
	"And you are absolutely in no way permitted to do do anything I do with you with anyone else. As a constant variable, you will need to distance yourself from anything related to my experiments, as it will affect the data I collect."
	Barthurs rubs his chin "Are you making a confession?"
	Liana angrily fires off another arcane bolt, which comes nowhere near Barthurs. "An alchemist has no time for such things."
	"So, I can have a girlfriend?"
	"Absolutely not. It'll affect my studies."
	"So, you're saying that you will be doing things for me in your experiment that a girlfriend normally would do, since having a girlfriend outside of the study would affect your data."
	"Yes."
	"In other words, during the experiment, you will be my girlfriend. You're also taking me out on dates. And, as your personal guinea pig, I'll need to be available for use twenty-four-seven."
	Liana falls silent.
	"Are we dating?" Barthurs asks earnestly.
 	Liana lifts her finger to fire off another arcane bolt, but stops herself. "Yes, we're dating." she sighs. "So, you better treat me well."

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