banixkojo

I can only talk for me personally. If I stop talking to you specifically it's when you're going through your phases and at this point in our friendship I'm kinda over it. I don't wanna fight about it. I don't wanna argue, start shit or whatever. I just ignore it until you're over it or w/e. I don't mean this in an offensive way, it's just what I see.
Depending on the new friends you hang around or the guy you're seeing at the time, the way you interact and talk to us; to me, is very different and sometimes just puts us off.
Not sure if it's an identity crisis ( doubt it, tbh ) it's just something I rather avoid than fight, uk?

Kojo - Yesterday at 2:49 AM
I guess
Though nither fighting or avoiding fixes any of it
but ya know whatever works babes :l

bani - Yesterday at 2:50 AM
We've had these conversations before, Kayluv. Literally
This is about the 3rd time we've had to revisit it. I'm just tired of wasting my brother.
Jesus
Sorry, half asleep :ok_hand:
Wasting my breath* though. It's something that obvously won't change so what is the point of reaptedly bringing it up.
Hey you're seeing a new guy that you've barely known for a week and you're acting different to please him
Hey you have some new friends that have the I.Q of a potatoe and you're being kinda rude and laughin' at me cuz they think they're funny
etc
You do this whether you notice it or not and I'm not mad at you it's just frustrating because the only thing I CAN do is let you go through your phase.
New boyfriend, new friends
you drop 'em or they drop you
you come back to me
get bored cuz I'm busy
or just bored in general
then the cycle repeats
It's just like second nature to you

bani - Yesterday at 3:00 AM
Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you or put you on the spot or whatever you're feeling right now. I know it's negative, I can feel the vibes lol. .. Also because you were typing a bunch and deleted it.
Look, I love you and you know that. I can't stress enough that I'm not mad. I'm not hurt and I don't think any less of you.
I know what you do what you do and it's not wrong and it's not just.. a "weird you thing". Lots of human beings look for constant attention to just stay busy, feel important or in your case not so sad. When you're alone and idle you think, when you think it doesn't go well and it upsets you. That's how it is for a lot of people.
Look, I had ranted to Billy once about how you were being different when you first started with that new girl and your boyfriend. Especially that night you first met him. He would talk negatively about you like you were a terrible person and tbh it pissed me off because you aren't, and ofc I told him that, leading to our first fight. Just because I get annoyed doesn't mean I stop caring about you. I don't lead people to think badly of you.
Friends fight and piss each other off but you aren't a bad person. You're kind, generous and you have such a big heart. I wouldn't have anyone think any other way about you. So don't take what I'm saying personally or to heart because I'm just venting or sharing what I've experienced or noticed over the years of our friendship
From a friends POV and.. well, I can't say "professional" but like a more.. sociological POV ig

Kojo - Yesterday at 3:04 AM
Im processing or trying to..

bani - Yesterday at 3:05 AM
Yeaa.. I'm in a very solemn state of mind rn. Being like that just lets me think clearer and remember things (details etc) better.
I mean.. I guess I seem pretty dumb to people but sociology and the study of human behavior was one of my best subjects. Especially with my social anxiety. I just like to observe people and honestly I learn and notice more about people than they realize. That's why I prefer to just spend time with people speaking normally than having the whole 20 questions/Ice breaker/Nice to meet you bullshit.

Kojo - Yesterday at 3:32 AM
this is long and probs not even half of what I want to say .. but im tired of typing right now. so
Going to tell you exactly what i've told him. You all suck so much, you dont get how coming to me and bitching to me about each other feels. It pisses me off, it hurts, and makes me want to scream at you all.
I get he did some shitty things. Took jokes too far, spoke up for himself to Nikita when she and someone else blantly called him a player. Which honestly, if i had the balls to step to ANY of my friends that way, I would. No him saying kys, was right. I told him that. But I also said, if it was me id have done the same things.
He took his jokes too far with you and meg, I get that. I heard both stories and frankly, if im going to be honest as hell. It was all taken out of context. He wasnt hitting on her, nor was he making fun of you geniueinly. He deals with the same stuff you do. Was it okay still? No not at all. And he knows it wasnt, but when you take things way outta context, there is going to be issues. Hell, even some of the shit he's said to me ive ben like K BYE FUCK YOU. Cause ive taken it out of context, but doesnt mean its okay to constantly shit on him.
As for calling him out on all his bullshit, I have countless times. Its why we have been in constant fights. Cause I wont be the person to hide things from anyone. been there done that. Isnt pretty. So yea I vent to him when you guys are p big dicks tbh. But Doesnt mean I dont love you nonetheless. You are my bag of dicks and i swear to god any one comes to fuck that up I will end someone.
---
New friends? Where? They didnt make the cut. Only potatoe i hang with if I do at all is Kinksies(Snarly now cause damn name change). But besides thats the point, if they dont make it past my friends, they dont get to be a friend. Period.
Fun-whatever he name was, I dont even remember what she remotely said about you. So let her laugh, let her be a dick. Shes not even on my fl anymore. I never once laughed at you with her or with anyone OVER you. Why would i even waste my time?
---
Me changing? Probs. But Im getting pretty fucking tired of everyone having issues with people im seeing, friends im with, how I act. I change to adapt to people MOST times. Sadly, yea its second nature. But one thing I havent ever done, is changed FOR people. I dont change for new friends. I dont chage for new people im seeing, and hell I wont change for old friends. What you see is what you get. My personality is to to adapt. Its how I squeeze myself in. And if I feel uncomfortable with it, I drop everyone I adapted
, I drop everyone I adapted too. Simple.
Coming back to you when im bored? More like I go to other people when you stop talking to me cause your avoiding me over whatever i did this week. And when you're done avoiding yea ill come back. Yes, new people are around, yea i prolly picked up some bad habits. But doesnt mean those habits stay. Im 21, and still growing. Let me fuck up a million times over, only thing I ask of any of my friends is to be there to pick me up and throw me back out in the world again. Not to coddle me, and doubt my affection for them cause i make poor choices.. Im so so so over the "oh shit she hates me this week what did I do" im over it. So fucking over it. Thats a one way ticket to me being upset with you guys. Seriously.
---
Now lets get back to Brandon, because im going to clear some stuff up that I didnt tell anyone.
I was having issues with rent when i was paid. I was short mm $100+? You know who offered to pay that back WITHOUT hesitation and without knowing me more than 2 days? Him. For god knows why, he did. He offered to pay my fucking rent. The sweetest thing anyone has ever ever done for me.
You know what I didnt let him do? Pay my rent. I covered it by selling my 3DS+ games, and few other shit. Cause mama does what she has too.
So that bad guy you guys see? I dont see it,he hasnt been anything but kind to me when im not being a dick to him over shit you guys say to me.
---
Anyways... lost what else I wanna say cause im so over all of this. Fix it or dont, but if not. Dontr expect me to be cheerful til im over it.

bani - Yesterday at 3:44 AM
I'm never going to like your boyfriend, and honestly I don't care if it upsets you. It is not ok how he treats people that "aren't you". Do what you want, assume what you want. It's your life, your relationship and your choice. That's literally saying "Oh, he doesn't kill me just other people so it's fine!" about a murderer. Nikita wasn't even talking shit about him, she was gossiping which literally you and everyone on the internet do.all.the time. If you HONESTLY want to make this about your boy toy fine. Let's do that, but my venting was about you.

"New friends where?" Just because you don't have any this week doesn't mean you don't. "I don't have the balls to stand up to my friends like Brandon does". If you did "stand up" to me like "he does" I'd have left you ages ago. That is NOT standing up for yourself that's being fucking disrespectful. You wanna know what standing up for yourself looks like? Refer back to the screen shots I sent you regarding the CountessVonFux situation. That's how you handle a situation like a normal person.

Being "21 and growing" only covers a quarter of the behavior you display, Kayluv. You don't even grow you lather rinse and repeat. When have I ever not picked you the fuck up off your ass when you fuck yourself over with the people you decide to surround yourself with. How many times have I told you it's exhausting and physically hurts me because you keep fucking doing it. It's borderline SELFISH to assume I will always be here and be put through this constantly because you just assume I won't go anywhere.
"You all suck so much, you dont get how coming to me and bitching to me about each other feels." I don't come to you to bitch about him! Like fucking EVER lmfao. I've roasted himmmm what, about a few times in ONE day a few weeks ago. Never do I ever bring him up to you because he is so fucking irrelevant and pointless to me. The fact that he supposedly "complains about us to you_ is HIS problem. Cuz I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck about his situation or your relationship. Like I already stated I was talking about YOU and OUR relationship which, tbh

Right now I don't want to have.

You're playing the victim card JUST like Ash. Yea, I can be an ass but you know what's funny? Give me legitamate complaints about me from this week alone that have hurt you that do not include your butthurt baby of a boyfriend and your sensitive nature because I don't like him. I mean honestly.
I don't DO anything to you because I never fucking SEE you anymore.
Do I get busy? Yea. Of fucking course I do.
Do I sleep a lot.
Yep
Can I reach out to you and make contact, yea sure I can but I don't WANT to half the time anymore.
Dealing with bullshit of Ash and then your ups and downs bullshit because you fight with your whatever he is for the next few weeks is not my cup of tea.
Just because you don't come to me about your problems like you do to the ONLY PERSON you have secluded yourself into talking you doesn't make him a SAINT
it makes him your only fucking option.
When have I never offered to help you?
I'd like at least 3 instances when I turned you away or refused to help you when you needed it.
You don't talk to me so don't expect me to know what the fuck you're going through or when you need help.
You know how many random guys have thrown money at me or offered to do shit for me?
Plenty.
Does that give them importance? Nope.
I also don't pull the "oh shit she hates me this week" because I. don't. fucking. care.
I don't care anymore KAy.
Have your mood swings, dont' talk to me
Go through your phases
I literally just typed a whole paragraph to you about how I don't care what you do or who you talk to anymore
So no I haven't been avoiding you because of your company
I've been avoiding you because of you
So sure, disrespect me by going to play a game because you don't want to face what you just started LOL and tbh I'm done. This is my line and I'm drawing it.
I am finished.
As in, finished with this friend ship.
Now go tell your boyfriend what a big bag of dicks I am.

Kojo - Yesterday at 3:49 AM
Im still hear reading everything... not even playing the game yet.

bani - Yesterday at 3:49 AM
I don't care that you aren't playing yet. I sat here and fucking waited for your whole part and you just wanna run off to play a game.
I know how you work Kay. You read, drop w/e response you have an run off to avoid the confrontation
even though this is literally what you wanted
and I'm pissed off enough that you made this about that stupid fucking twat
when this was about US
not hIM
FUCK him
He is not important to me
YOU were
So fuck this
fuck him
have fun

Kojo - Yesterday at 3:57 AM
I wasnt makign it about him. I was voicing how ive felt these past few weeks. I needed to get out. Havent even hit the surface of our friendship yet. Its why i didnt write more. Because Im still processing half of this.
But ending our friendship over THIS? Whose selfish now?

bani - Yesterday at 3:59 AM
Jokes on you if you think it's over "because of this". This was just the the last straw.
I'm tired of over this.
I told you I'm not always going to be here

Kojo - Yesterday at 4:02 AM
Clearly.
Dont expect you to ALWAYS be there

bani - Yesterday at 4:03 AM
Yes, you do. You come to me when you're sad, whe you're mad when you need to be picked back up
I'm there
I'm always fucking there
Yea, you get my back
but I'm so
so
fucking
tired
Kay
I CAN'T do this anymore
You do this to me too much and this is the last time
If finally fucking doing something for me in this relationship is selfish then fine. I'm selfish. Sorry.
All the fights, all the making up all the stress everything
I've always put it away, I've always moved on for you and done whatever
I've only EVER made you choose between me and a boyfriend because that kid was literally toxic to your health
I'm not sure how many times I've told you I wasn't doing that this time
that you're an adult and you make your choices
Yea I'm not happy with it but I didn't MAKE YOU do anything about it
I don't mean you upset you by not liking who you date but honestly you rarely date good guys that know how to treat other people. If you HATE having your friends hate who you date then fucking have enough self respect to care about yourself and FIND SOMETHING BETTER
You deserve so much more than what you rush into and settle for
and I refuse to stay by your side and deal with this over and over
I can't do it anymore and I'm sorry

Kojo - Yesterday at 4:09 AM
Im not picking him over you. I havent even voiced how i felt ABOUT mine and yours friendship because what is the to fucking voice when there isnt a relationship to even talk about right now? You stopped coming around talking to me. And im p selfish in the sense i wont chase people down. You want to leave? Leave. Ill be here when you get back to discuss this further and to fix whatever we have left. Im not giving up, im not. Walking away because of all the amounts of bullshit I put you in, fine. I get it. But im here with wide open arms when you decide, if you decide to come back.

bani - Yesterday at 4:11 AM
You don't need to chase me. I'm not a some flip flop "say this now not mean it later"
Leaving means leaving
I'm not trying to scare you and I never said you're fucking picking him over me
I said that I'm not MAKING you and you act like I am
You never.. grasp the concept of the things I tell you
You read them but they don't register
So just forget it.
I've said all I could and yea I am giving up so don't worry about it.

Kojo - Yesterday at 4:13 AM
Welp okay then.

Kojo - Yesterday at 5:25 PM
Okay so processed (probs not correctly but im trying here).. So our friendship hasnt been the best since adrian. That tore us apart so much and we havent gotten back to where we were before that. Sure we're fine, or we were but we arent anymore. We avoid problems with eachother, we distance, we bicker over stupidest shit I do and more. Best friends arent supposed to be this crappy with each other. I honestly dont even know what to call you anymore because we have become so distant its like there isnt anything there.
Im selfish. Yea, very. I can see that and i'm sorry I am that way. I rinse and repeat actions. Pretty much. But as a best friend, no matter how difficult, I swear we were supposed to stay no matter what. Im more than sure i intertwined you into my life to the point you leaving will literally break my heart. It already has. I know I suck as a friend. I know that, and I know I do shitty things, and repeat them over and over and over. But I dont ask you to fix them everytime. I really wish you wouldn't, you may be my best friend. The person I will come to no matter what. The rock I lean on. But you do not need to pick me up every fucking time something tears me apart and or  I fuck up. I wish you would stop that honestly. You have you're own issues you deal with. Picking  me up and fixing mine, doesnt help you any.
Nichole, you may severely hate how I am right now. But I still hope to god, you change your mind on leaving. Seriously. I need you in my life and I refuse to accept tthat this is the end.
Im sorry I  change around other people. Im sorry i take shit out on you. Im sorry I dont listen first times around. Im sorry I am how I am. I am beyond broken and trying so fucking hard to fix it. I haven't taken meds until today(so .. a week?+) But anyways, that effects my mood swings more than anything. So I apologize for that.
As for anything else.. Im here and always will be. I wont chase you down, no. But I will be here if you turn around and want to come back. You are and will forever be my best friend whether you leave or not. You do so much for me and I take that highly forgranted. So least I can do , is attempt to fix things and always be here for you in ways I wasnt before. Im tired of being the shitty best friend.

Im not even looking at the messages that were sent.. I had to do this without an agenda per say. Else i'd fuck up again. So this is where im at. Im here, im wanting to fix everything. And I will be here if you ever decide to come back and fix us.

bani - Yesterday at 6:14 PM
I don't really have much to say in response. Not that this seems like something to reply to, more just a statement etc.
Honestly I just don't have anything to say right now. I can sit here and think but I'm not coming up with anything..

I don't want to leave but I think we need time apart or I need some time alone or just relax and.. whatever. I don't want to end our friendship but I feel if I just forgive you and move on now, everything I tried to explain last night and everything I said would just be for nothing and have no meaning
I just don't want you to think that if we have an argument everything will disappear if you just do a big apology etc. Not saying you do or you have, just that I don't want the possiblity to start.

Kojo - Yesterday at 7:10 PM
I think we need time apart as well, as sad as it is. I think it would be best for both of us. I would hate to end a friendship that i cherish more than anything. And im still taking in all of what you said, so it hasnt been taken and put to side. Not that you have said that, I just want you to know. I hear you, and im trying really hard to take it all in and deal with it. I dont expect forgiveness right now or anytime honestly. Ive been pretty shitty and you dont deserve that, no one does. So I understand if you dont now, or ever forgive me cause to be fair I wouldnt. But yea, take some time for yourself and handle things howver you want. Im not going anywhere.