Nuke - Lightbulb

Jun 8th, 2014
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  1. >Day Pickup in Equestria
  2. >Or rather, evening in Equestria
  3. >Specifically Dust Valley
  4. >On the village's main street you stand, ready to take on the night!
  5. >It's Friday, you're wearing your finest suit, and it is definitely time to meet some singles to mingle
  6. >Fortunately for you, you've come equipped with your finest pickup line.
  7. >Which you try out immediately on a black and yellow moth mare who walks by.
  8. "Hey, Hexferry! Are you a light-bulb, cause you brighten up my day!"
  9. >She stops, sighs, tries not to look at you, and shakes her head before continuing on her way.
  10. >"That was stupid, Anon. It's not going to work on any mare with sense in her head."
  11. >She dug it.
  12. >You can see her trying to resist the urge to pounce on you and kiss you right then and there.
  13. >With a skip in your stride, one that could never be broken, you begin your journey to the local bar.
  14. >On the way, you pass by little Flower Tart.
  15. >You like this filly, and it always makes you smile when she giggles.
  16. >Maybe she'll get a kick out of your line?
  17. "Hey Flowertart, are you a light-bulb, cause you brighten up my day!"
  18. >She stares at you.
  19. >You stare at her.
  20. >With a quick snap, you grin a cheesy grin.
  21. >And hold it for an awkwardly long and silent moment.
  22. >She starts to finally giggle and roll on the ground.
  23. >"You're so silly, Mr. Anon!"
  24. >You give the kid a pat on the head before walking away.
  25. >If it'll work on a tsundere bee and a child, it'll work on any mare.
  26. >The hustle, bustle, buzz, and squeaks of many moths echoes through the building.
  27. >They all quiet down as you enter.
  28. "Alright, all you moths! Who's ready to party!"
  29. >You strike the pose: snapped fingers extended, cheesy grin, legs spread, knees bent, back relaxed.
  30. >They all stare at you for a brief second before going back to their drinks and conversations.
  31. >Who's first...
  32. >A white mare with green hair and yellow neck-fluff trots by you with a tray of drinks balanced on her back.
  33. >You take the tray off her back, to which she contests with a loud "hey!"
  35. "Is for horses."
  36. >You point at her with a wink.
  37. "Let me just help you with these drinks so you don't spill'em, alright?"
  38. >"Ugh, fine, I suppose."
  39. >You walk her to her table and sit across from her in a small booth, setting the drinks down.
  40. "All alone, huh? These all for you?"
  41. >"No, they're for my brother and some friends."
  42. "Oh, well how about we cut the small talk and get to the point before they get here."
  43. >"What poi-"
  44. "Are you a light-bulb? Cause you brighten up my day."
  45. >You wink again.
  46. >She blinks, and you think you can see a small blush form on her cheeks.
  47. >"What are you talking about?"
  48. "A-a light-bulb... you br-brighten up my day."
  49. >"Go away."
  50. "But-"
  51. >"Shoo!"
  52. >You get up just as a two moth stallions and a moth mare approach the table.
  53. >The moth mare looks up at you with a smile.
  54. >Tan coat, dark brown hair, gorgeous black eyes.
  55. >Like staring into a beautiful abyss.
  56. "Hey there, cutie. Are you a light-bulb? Cause you brighten up my day."
  57. >She continues staring at you, her smile now absent.
  58. >The white moth sitting at the table throws a coaster at you.
  59. >"I said go away!"
  60. >The coaster hits you with a soft "thud" and lands on the floor.
  61. >Rejected, you start to walk away.
  62. >The mare you just hit on sits beside one of the stallions in the booth you were recently evicted from.
  63. >"I don't get it."
  64. >"Don't worry about it. Probably just one of those weirdos looking for a gullible mare."
  65. >Haters gonna hate.
  66. >You walk up to the bar and take a seat on one of the stools.
  67. "Hey barkeep! Give me a round of your finest!"
  68. >A minute later, a mug of frothy nectar slides in front of you.
  69. >As you pick it up, a cute little thing sits beside you.
  70. "Well hey there, cutie. Mind if I buy you a drink?"
  71. >"I-I'm not a-"
  72. "What's your name?"
  73. >"Moon Dust, but-"
  74. "Barkeep! One more for my lady friend, here."
  75. >Despite her protests, the mare sips gingerly at the mug.
  76. "So, Moon Dust. Are you a light-bulb? Cause you brighten up my day."
  78. >She spits a mouthful of nectar out and stares at you.
  79. >You stare back.
  80. >Not at her eyes.
  82. >At the boner she so prominently displays.
  84. >You pat him on the back.
  85. >Dudes these days are looking more and more like chicks.
  86. >You blame the social media feminizing everything.
  87. >You move over to the other side of the bar and sit at a lonely little table in the corner.
  88. >A shudder jolts through your spine as a white stallion with yellow markings and pitch black eyes sits across from you.
  89. >"Good evening, my friend. Excellent work with Moon Dust, I must say. You must have a real way with words."
  90. >He sips from a mug of his own.
  91. >"Mind telling me what you said to him?"
  92. "I asked her... him, if he was a light-bulb. Because he brightens up my day."
  93. >The stallion stares at you.
  94. >You stare at him.
  95. >He sets his drink down and looks as if he may have an existential crisis.
  96. >"Genius. Pure genius. Why have I never thought of that."
  97. >You shrug.
  98. >He grabs your blazer with a hoof and drags you out of your chair.
  99. >"COME! We have many mares to woo tonight with your magical words!"
  100. >The two of you now sit beneath a table where two stallions sit.
  101. >"Do you see those two mares there?"
  102. >He points to Caramel and Butterscotch.
  103. "Oh, I know them, yeah."
  104. >"Well, I've been after that find drop of nectar on the left."
  105. "Caramel?"
  106. >He nods slowly.
  107. >"I'm going to need you to be my wing-moth."
  108. "Sure."
  109. >"You're also going to do all of the talking."
  110. "Alright."
  111. >You're going to bag both of them and leave this loser in the dust.
  112. >Heh, moth puns.
  113. >"Let's go!"
  114. >He clambers out from under the table and you follow close behind.
  115. >As the two of you approach the chattering mares, they look up at you.
  116. >"Uh, hello? Can we help you?"
  117. >Virgo immediately pushes you up against the table, almost knocking the mares' drinks over.
  118. "Yeah, me and my uh... friend here were wondering if you two fine mares were light-bulbs?"
  120. >Butterscotch looks you dead in the eyes.
  121. "Because you brighten up our days."
  122. >She keeps staring at you.
  123. >You do a three-hundred-sixty degree spin and walk away.
  125. >Virgo stares at you as you abandon him.
  126. >You may never know what fate befell him.
  127. >Maybe he got lucky.
  128. >Maybe he got slapped and told off.
  129. >You stumble backwards over a small brown moth with white curly hair.
  130. >She squeaks really loud as you land on your bottom.
  131. "S-sorry, wasn't looking where I was going. Are you alri-"
  132. >She sits on her haunches right in front of you, staring deep into your eyes.
  133. >A small smile plays across her lips as she sits perfectly still, eyes never moving from yours.
  134. >Might as well break the ice.
  135. "Are you a light-bulb? Cause you brighten up my day."
  136. >Her lips part as she starts to speak.
  137. >"Do you know how much polar bears weigh? Enough to break the ice."
  138. >What.
  139. >You do the only thing you think of.
  140. >More pickup lines.
  141. "Are you a pie? Because you're also a cutie."
  142. >"Do you have a map? Because I'm lost in your eyes."
  143. "Did it hurt?"
  144. >She tilts her head for a second, that same smile still on her face.
  145. "When you fell from heaven, I mean."
  146. >"No, but it hurt when I tried to fly to the sun!"
  147. "What?"
  148. >"Cause I saw your smiling face in it."
  149. >Oh.
  150. >She got you.
  151. >She got you good.
  152. >"How about we blow this beehive and do something fun?"
  153. "Like what?"
  154. >"More pickup lines!"
  155. >This mare.
  156. >This mare right here.
  157. "Sure. I'm Anon."
  158. >"I'm Squeak, and you're making my heart squeak."
  159. >You stand up and she latches onto your arm.
  160. "Well I'm going to guess you aren't really a moth pony. You must be a butterfly."
  161. >She gets right up in your face, almost daring you to finish.
  162. "Cause you make my heart flutter."
  163. >She promptly laughs harder than you've ever seen anyone laugh in a long time, and the two of you leave the bar.
  164. >To tell stupid puns and pickup lines to each other at your house.
  165. >Exactly what you were looking for at the beginning of the evening.
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