Mishka - Today at 8:37 PM
That's right. The fact that you "refuse until you do as I want or we hit a brick wall" is testament.
Ravan - Today at 8:38 PM
A testament to what? You just wanting to be correct so you can feel good about yourself with this decision of yours?
If this is what makes you happy, again, that's on you
But all I can see is that you're hurting from it
Mishka - Today at 8:38 PM
If I wanted to feel good I would have followed this advice a long time ago
Ravan - Today at 8:38 PM
and you're going to keep hurting
Mishka - Today at 8:38 PM
^ But see this name?
He gave this to me. It stands for little bear.
It's my cross to bear
Ravan - Today at 8:38 PM
Yeah
Ruskie
Right?
Mishka - Today at 8:39 PM
I'll carry it proudly.
Ravan - Today at 8:39 PM
Then carry it
Nobody told you to give up on the name
Mishka - Today at 8:39 PM
Jesus carried it even as he bled like mad
Even as people threw rocks even as his own mother cried her eyes out and I'm not even christian(edited)
Ravan - Today at 8:39 PM
That'd be some tragic irony
I digress
Mishka - Today at 8:39 PM
He did it because he believed it was what he needed to do
Ravan - Today at 8:40 PM
You're not Jesus
You're not some martyr for this either
Mishka - Today at 8:40 PM
I won't drop my cross. Because doing so means that I'm the same weak-willed coward
Ravan - Today at 8:40 PM
And what's wrong with being weak-willed or a coward?
Mishka - Today at 8:40 PM
And it would be an insult to everything it all stood for
Ravan - Today at 8:40 PM
Not every human is perfect
Mishka - Today at 8:40 PM
Just because it is what commonly occurs does not make it right
And doesn't make not NOT wrong
Ravan - Today at 8:40 PM
Nobody can honestly look you in the eye and say they have never made a mistake
That'd be true if it wasn't essentially empirical evidence
Everybody knows water is wet when you touch it
Everybody knows fire burns
Mishka - Today at 8:41 PM
Then why don't we let criminals run free
It happens so often we might as well let it
Ravan - Today at 8:41 PM
unless they lack the ability to feel
Alright when it comes to criminals and letting them run free, that's because a single innocent man being sentenced to being guilty is much worse than letting 10 guilty men be innocent in the eyes of the law
Unless it's rape
then you're fucked
Mishka - Today at 8:43 PM
Literally.
Ravan - Today at 8:43 PM
Might as well give up right then and there because you're going to be on a sex offender list, your name will be plastered everywhere and everybody will see that blemish on your record as some of the lowest of the low
literally yes
but another thing that we know is that people aren't perfect
Mishka - Today at 8:44 PM
Our imperfections don't excuse us from our crimes
Ravan - Today at 8:44 PM
No it doesn't, and that's why you suffer consequences
Then you move on
and learn
Mishka - Today at 8:44 PM
I said crimes
Ravan - Today at 8:44 PM
If you just stop here right now and say that you're going to avoid moving forward, then you're effectively excusing yourself from this whole thing
That's how you develop as a human being
You don't know the consequences of something you've done until it comes back and hits you, either sooner or later
Mishka - Today at 8:45 PM
Right, because being a weak willed coward is nice progress
Ravan - Today at 8:45 PM
Who's going to call you a weak willed coward other than yourself that's too prideful to admit any imperfection whatsoever?
If you weren't scared of being imperfect or being less than whole for moving on, then you wouldn't be behaving this way
There is strength in accepting that you have your weaknesses too, as cliche as it sounds
Mishka - Today at 8:46 PM
It isn't about being imperfect or being less than whole
I already treat myself like garbage
Ravan - Today at 8:47 PM
It's about not giving up and standing by your principles
namely to never break a promise
Mishka - Today at 8:47 PM
Yes
That is what I'm doing
Ravan - Today at 8:47 PM
I'm sorry Xion
Mishka - Today at 8:47 PM
Not giving up
and standing by my principles
Ravan - Today at 8:47 PM
But just because you do so
doesn't mean others play by the same rules
Mishka - Today at 8:47 PM
The reverse is also true
Ravan - Today at 8:47 PM
And that doesn't mean you shouldn't follow your own
Mishka - Today at 8:47 PM
But why is one more valid than the other
Ravan - Today at 8:47 PM
But it does mean that you should be able to recognise a lost cause
If you can accept that one isn't more valid than the other, then you should also be able to accept that moving on is something you CAN do
Mishka - Today at 8:48 PM
In that case history should be much different
Ravan - Today at 8:48 PM
but you absolutely refuse to do so as well
Mishka - Today at 8:48 PM
Joan of Arc wouldn't have burned at the stake
Susan Anthony wouldn't have gone to prison
Ravan - Today at 8:48 PM
But they did those things
They'll be remembered for them(edited)
But will you?
Mishka - Today at 8:48 PM
I don't need to be remembered
Ravan - Today at 8:48 PM
It's not about being remembered obviously
Mishka - Today at 8:49 PM
They didn't do it to be remembered
Ravan - Today at 8:49 PM
But if somebody else is in your situation
Would you honestly be able to tell them that this is the correct choice?
That they should carry on, stuck in the past without ever budging an inch?
Would you honestly wish that on another person?
Two people?
Mishka - Today at 8:49 PM
Assumptions.
Ravan - Today at 8:49 PM
Dozens, hundreds, thousands?
Because that's what they did, and I highly doubt they'd tell even their most loved ones to do the same things that they did
Nobody wants others to suffer, but they also don't want to suffer
It's kind of a paradox
Mishka - Today at 8:50 PM
They wouldn't wish it on another person but that doesn't invalidate their motivations and resolve
Again, their actions are not about the effect on others
Ravan - Today at 8:51 PM
It doesn't, but does it validate them either?
What about the people that cared about them?
Mishka - Today at 8:51 PM
That's for them to decide
Ravan - Today at 8:51 PM
And other people would say it's selfish of them to go dying off without giving a damn about what they want
Mishka - Today at 8:51 PM
Susan anthony could have just decided that women would always be subservient and unequal but she didn't
Ravan - Today at 8:51 PM
And I can see why they'd say that, because you learn to care about other people
Ideals don't keep the ones you love with you
And they learned that
and you're going to learn that
If you want to go through with it, again
Mishka - Today at 8:52 PM
Yet in the end they chose ideals regardless
Ravan - Today at 8:52 PM
be my guest
They chose their ideals regardless
But would you rather choose him, or your ideals?
Because in the end you chose your ideals
You didn't choose him
Mishka - Today at 8:53 PM
How dare you
Ravan - Today at 8:53 PM
This never was even about him
It's about your pride being too inflated and you being unable to realise that you need to tone this shit down a notch or twenty
If all you wanted was to be with him, you would've coexisted, trying be damned
Mishka - Today at 8:53 PM
Oh what a well played song
TRYING BE DAMNED?!
I TRIED
EVERYTHING
Ravan - Today at 8:54 PM
And you still didn't find a way
Mishka - Today at 8:54 PM
That doesn't mean I didn't do everything
Ravan - Today at 8:54 PM
If you think waiting on somebody with its miniscule chance of working is better than trying more than just everything
Then sure
Mishka - Today at 8:54 PM
You're not even making any sense
What else can you try than everything?
There is no such thing as more than everything
Ravan - Today at 8:55 PM
More obviously
You gave up when you gave him that ultimatum
Because that was your last option
Mishka - Today at 8:55 PM
All I did
Ravan - Today at 8:55 PM
That was you giving up on him if he didn't acqueisce to your demands
Mishka - Today at 8:55 PM
was ask for a bit of time
to speak to me
Ravan - Today at 8:55 PM
And he chose those people over you
Mishka - Today at 8:55 PM
My only demand
was to talk
so we could reach an understanding
Ravan - Today at 8:56 PM
And he dropped you for it
Why do you want to make yourself suffer for that?
Mishka - Today at 8:56 PM
And that's fair? And that's right? And that makes me wrong?
Ravan - Today at 8:56 PM
You idolise him, you might even deify him
But he doesn't care
It isn't fair, it isn't right, and it certainly doesn't make you wrong
Mishka - Today at 8:56 PM
Wrong for after all I've spent listening, I ask to be listened for once?
Ravan - Today at 8:56 PM
but it does show that he didn't care
That's the only conclusion I can draw from all this
He didn't care.
Not to the extent you were hoping for him to care at any rate
Mishka - Today at 8:57 PM
And
Ravan - Today at 8:57 PM
And?
There's no and
He didn't care.
You're suffering over something he didn't give a damn about.
Mishka - Today at 8:58 PM
And?
Ravan - Today at 8:58 PM
He left you to suffer.
Mishka - Today at 8:58 PM
Is that supposed to assuade me
Ravan - Today at 8:58 PM
If you think it's right to wait for him despite his obvious lack of giving a damn, so be it
Mishka - Today at 8:58 PM
Is that supposed to invalidate me?
Ravan - Today at 8:58 PM
Know that you're just doing this for your own pride
not for him
Because you didn't understand
You didn't try to understand
And you still don't understand
Mishka - Today at 8:59 PM
>you didn't try to understand
Ravan - Today at 8:59 PM
Does that trigger you? Every time I bring up trying?
Mishka - Today at 8:59 PM
You are literally serious about that aren't you
You really want to pin this as my pride and that I didn't try at all
Mishka - Today at 9:00 PM
Because what else coooooould it beeeeee
Life isn't some cliche chick lit
Ravan - Today at 9:00 PM
And what else can I draw from all this? You refuse to move on because of your principles despite all logic pointing to the fact that he didn't give a fuck.
Mishka - Today at 9:00 PM
Sometimes checkov's gun really is just a decoration
Ravan - Today at 9:00 PM
He chose people he knew for two weeks over you
Mishka - Today at 9:01 PM
You know
I'm not even the first.
Ravan - Today at 9:01 PM
You're not even the last.
Mishka - Today at 9:01 PM
As far as my sources tell me
Those tumors are almost in the same basket too
It won't be long till "Noel" joins me here, one way or another.
How's that for swallowing my pride?
Would you like to know what else I know?
Ravan - Today at 9:02 PM
too bad I have literally no idea what you're talking about
Other than what I can assume :^)
in which case
Good for you
Congratulations
Mishka - Today at 9:02 PM
>A talk of this magnitude
>:^)
Are you serious.
Ravan - Today at 9:02 PM
You literally made me pour my heart out just so you could tell me you were right
I'm serious
I'm happy that you got your way
I'm happy that everything worked out for you
Mishka - Today at 9:03 PM
So what? Gonna do what he did?
Give up?
Walk away?
Write me as a lost cause?
Because I had the gall to stay true to myself instead of doing "humanity's tried and tested?"(edited)
Hate me now?
Ravan - Today at 9:10 PM
I don't really know what to say. You've made me do this all for your entertainment? So that you could feel validated in your decision, which you yourself know to have a low chance of success? I legit care about you, even if you don't believe it. I legit believed that this guy you were talking about was some next level amazing type of person. When you told me he dropped you for people he knew for a few weeks? I wanted to cry. I wanted to cry because he didn't care about somebody who basically devoted themselves entirely to him. Jealousy? Envy? Probably one of those two feelings, or a mix of them is what I'm feeling right now.

I've wanted to make amends for that situation this whole time, and it's hurt me to see you be so sad about it. But all this was just for you to tell me that you were right, and I was wrong, even when you already knew that things were going well. I guess I should've seen it coming, the great bamboozle. I can't even be mad in all honesty, I've had worse than this, and I think I'll have worse than this in future times too. But our friendship? It probably didn't matter, I was probably just somebody to toy with as you waited for him to come back. If it made you happy in the end, I'm glad for you. But my worth, my dignity as a person isn't just something you can toy with and try to goad me into ignoring. I have no hate for you, only disappointment. Disappointment in myself for believing I had made a new friend that gave a rat's ass about me, disappointment in believing that I could overcome my issues with people, and disappointment in you for making sport out of all this, just for my reaction. I don't care what you think of me anymore, because it certainly can't get any worse than somebody to toy with.
Have a nice life, I hope you have a happy time.

Mishka - Today at 9:10 PM
I did not do this for my own entertainment.
I am the farthest from amused by all of this

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