Three Stupid Shorts

>Get home from work.
>Find your blue fluffy unicorn on her back in her safe room, staring at the ceiling.
>Wait, not staring.  Her eyes are glassy.
>Her legs jut stiffly up into the air.
>Is she dead?
>She feels sort of lukewarm.
>You don't understand what could have happened.
>She looks to be in perfect condition, other than being so still.
>You sigh.  You really loved her, even if she was a fuzzy moron.
“Oh Periwinkle, you poor thing...”
>She perks up the moment you utter her name.
>”Daddy home!  Pewawinka miss daddy!”
>You blink as she hugs your leg tightly and starts babbling.
>Your fluffy pony was in standby mode.
-----
>Time for dinner.
>You look down at your orange fluffy pegasus.
“What shall we eat, fluffy pony?”
>”Fwuffy wan' paseg...fwuffy wan' swaweb...fwuffy wan' gasedwee...”
>Your fluffy pony spends the next hour attempting to pronounce 'spaghetti'.
>”Fwuffy wan' saweghee!  Fwuffy wan' wawegsi!”
>She finally wears herself out and falls asleep, forgetting she was even hungry in the first place.
-----
>Have a yellow male earth fluffy.
>He's the sweetest pet you've ever owned.
>Always behaves.  Doesn't bother you when you ask him not to.  Loves you unconditionally.
>Unfortunately, he's begun eating his own turds.
>Time in the sorry box has had no effect.
>Light spankings have failed.
>Telling him that eating his shit is bad for him makes no difference.
>One day, you catch him dropping a load in the living room.
>As usual, he turns around and chows down on it.
“Fluffy!  Why do you keep doing this?  Doesn't it taste horrible?”
>”Bwown nummies tas' yummies!  Fwuffy wuv!  Fwuffy gif some to daddy!”
>He picks up a log in his mouth and brings it to you.
“I don't want this, fluffy.”
>”Twy!  Nummies yummies!”
>You sigh, going to the kitchen to get a paper towel.
>As you bend down to pick it up, you notice the smell is different.
>You pick it up and take a wary sniff.
>What the hell?  It smells like chocolate.
>It begins melting on the paper towel.
>It IS chocolate.
>Your fluffy is so sweet, he's started to excrete candy.