Jokes

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y ?,
"Doctor there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Well tell him I can't see him right now.",
I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.,
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.,
Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team ? She ran away from the ball.,
My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch it might be me.,
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.,
What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you ? Pull the pin out and throw it back.,
Where do fish sleep ? In the Riverbed.,
Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher ? There was no chemistry.,
She said she met me at the vegan restaurant last week but I’ve never seen herbivore.,
My wife and I let astrology get between us. It Taurus apart.,
How was Rome split in two ? With a pair of Ceasars.,
What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise ? LMAYO.,
Why can’t a leopard hide ? Because he’s always spotted.,
How does the moon cut his hair ? Eclipse it.,
To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now.,
Why haven’t aliens visited our Solar System yet ? They looked at the reviews… only 1 star!,
My psychiatrist says I have an unhealthy obsession with revenge. We’ll see about that…,
I don’t trust trees. They seem kinda shady.,
When my wife is depressed I let her color in my tattoos. She just wants a shoulder to crayon.,
There was once a king who was only 12 inches tall! he was a Terrible king but made a great ruler.,
did you hear the rumor about butter ? Well I’m not going to spread it!,
Why was the broom late for work ? It over-swept.,
What kind of tree fits in your hand ? A palm tree!,
Why did the bullet end up losing his job ? He got fired.,
The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.,
I was kidnapped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.,
Do you know what happens to illegally parked frogs ? They get toad.,
How does NASA organize a party? They planet.,
Why did the photograph go to jail ? It was framed.,
Why did the banana go to the doctor ? He wasn’t peeling well.,
Buying an expensive wig is a high price toupee.,