id like to start off by saying that im really sorry for doing these vent pieces while owing art. im just feeling terrible.

ive been stressed out for awhile and the whole recent thing with one of my favorite artists making a very hurtful and mean vague post about me really was the last hit needed to push me over the edge. i feel so absolutely shit about everything and i really do want to splatter my fucking brain across the wall. not only am i stressing out about my school and trying to figure out how the hell im going to make it alive past 20, one of the artists that ive been looking up to who made me so happy decided to block me and talk about how insensitive and horrible of a person i am for having a """"nazi"""" oc and how im shitty for making characters based off of a real life war/nazis despite me NEVER doing that. this is the same person who made a cute furry anime girl based off of the chernobyl accident and later sold that character for $180, making a PROFIT off of a horrible irl event. this is also the same artist who had a character in a military uniform and a red arm band-which references both the nazi party and the imperial japanese army. yet i am treated like shit for having a character who has the iron cross, which was admittedly a medal used by the nazis, BUT it has been used in the german/prussian military since the early 1800s and just has been part of the german military history-which my character is part of. i am made out to be some sort of fucking freak for something like this? not only that but i TRIED to talk to this artist. i said i am willing to HIDE or CHANGE the character since it made them uncomfortable. they said i dont have to because its my character and its none of their business, but then what do they do? they make a PUBLIC vaguepost to their THOUSANDS of watchers, not only targeting me, but a dear artist buddy of mine too. this is an artist who i respected and looked up to enough to where i have spent over $1K on their designs. this might not seem like a lot but im a jobless hs student who only gets money through art. that money represents my utmost respect and support for this person, and it ends up getting disregarded? fucking ouch. im not saying that they should be comfortable with my oc because of this, i just want to be treated like an equal. i want nothing more than a proper conversation where we can both are able to talk and settle our differences. is that too much to ask for ? i am more than happy to change and improve myself. why do i get treated less than a fucking animal ?

im sorry for going off on this but. god i really want to fucking die.