If Operating Systems Ran Airlines

Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then jump on and let
the plane coast until it hits the ground again, then push again, jump on
again and so on. This is the DOS airline.

The same thing but with more leg room to push. The DOS with QEMM
airline.

All the stewards, stewardesses, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket
agents look the same, act the same, and talk the same. Every time you
ask questions about details, you are told you don't need to know, don't
want to know, and everything will be done for you without you having to
know, so just shut up. This is the MAC airline.

To board the plane, you have your ticket stamped ten different times by
standing in ten different lines. Then you fill out a form showing where
you want to sit and whether it should look and feel like an ocean liner,
a passenger train, or a bus. If you succeed in getting on board the
plane and the plane succeeds in getting off the ground, you have a
wonderful trip...except for the times when the rudder and flaps get
frozen in position, in which case you have time to say your prayers and
get yourself prepared before the crash. This is the OS/2 airline.

The airport terminal is nice and colorful, with friendly stewards and
stewardesses, easy access to the plane, an uneventful takeoff...then
BOOM! the plane blows up without any warning whatsoever and you're dead.
This is the Windows airline.

Everyone marches out on the runway, say the password in unison, and form
the outline of an airplane. Then they all sit down and make a whooshing
sound like they're flying. This is the Windows NT airline.

Everyone brings one piece of the plane with them when they come to the
airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece
by piece, arguing constantly about what kind of plane they're building.
This is the Unix airline.
GNU/Linix

Fedora Air: You fly for free in an experimental jet with parts being manufactured by a large corporation. Not everything works properly and sometimes your chair will break. The corporate backer doesn't really care since you aren't a paying cutomer.

Debian Air: It's a smooth flight on an old plane. You've got the option of having a basic chair right away or building it yourself. You've got the choice of an attractive stewardess that will offer you suggestions, or a plain stewardess that will do what you say quickly, while reminding you of things you need. It doesn't work on new routes and airports, but it's got a wide array of destinations that many other airlines don't bother with.

Ubuntu Air: Uses the newer planes with a new paint job from Debian Air, which still experience a bit of turbulence. It's the busiest airport and is funded by a millionaire who used to work at Debian Air. You have a choice of an ditsy blond stewardess who just brings you what you ask for, or stewardesses just like Debian air had, but there are a lot more annoying teenagers on board.

Slackware Air: Gives you a nice, comfortable seat, but there's not a full time stewardess and she makes you get all of the parts yourself if you want to make changes. Doesn't utilize the turbo jets on newer airplanes, but it's fast enough that most passengers don't complain.

Arch Air: Gives you a pile of parts and a stewardess to help you sort through them. Also, has a thick manual for any questions you have. Any time you want, you can update your seat to use the newest parts.

Gentoo Air: You are given a given a block of metal, an even thicker manual, and a blowtorch.

Mint Air: Similar to Ubuntu Air but the aircraft is styled differently. Also halfway through the flight a group of terrorist hijacks the plane and screams "ALLAH ACKBAR!" and demands the flight be diverted to Palestine. A struggle ensues between an undercover air marshal and one of the hijackers who happens to have a bomb strapped to his body. The bomb goes off accidentally, tearing the jet in half and suddenly you find yourself tumbling through the air. You wake up suddenly from your nightmare, realizing you're safe and sound on an Ubuntu Air flight. The stewardess serves you green tea and mints, winking.