One good thing you can say about child molesters, they do drive slowly through school zones.
Why don't black people go on cruises? They are not falling for that trick again (slavery)
What's the hardest part about watching an orphanage burn? My cock.
What's the best way to get bubblegum out of your hair? Cancer.
Don't let an extra chromosome get you down
My Girlfriend wanted me to treat her like a princess for her birthday. So I took her out, got her drunk, and crashed the car.
why did princess Dianna cross the road? Momentum.
Did you know princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders in the glove box.
What do you get when you cross the queen and prince Charles? Murdered in a tunnel.
A jewish child was playing with an ashtray, when Hitler walked by and asked "Are you looking for someone?"
Jesus may have fed 1000, but Hitler made 5 million Jews toast
Things are so politically correct now days, you cannot even say "black paint". Instead you have to say "Jamal, will you please paint the fence?"
The other day I was walking down the street and coming the other way I saw a black man carrying a TV. I thought it was mine, so I rushed home, but no, he was still there, shining my shoes.
how many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? None.
What does spreading butter on toast have in common with getting a woman to spread her legs? You can do both with a credit card, but they're much easier with a knife.
What's blue and doesn't fit anymore? A dead epileptic.
Dark humour is like food, not everyone gets it.
What's the difference between iron man and iron woman? One is a super hero and the other is a command.
What's purple, 12 inches and keeps my wife up all night screaming? A dead baby
Who are the fastest readers in the world? 9/11 victims, they went through 110 stories in less than 10 seconds
What's the difference between Lance Armstrong and Hitler? Lance Armstrong can finish a race...
Why hasn't the ebola vaccine been successful in Africa? It doesn't work if you take it with an empty stomach.
Why do black people only have nightmares? Because we killed the only one that had a dream.
My girlfriend called me a pedophile... that's a pretty big word for an 8 year old
I like girls in their prime 3,5 and 7
9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape
I've got lots of blacks in my family tree, I believe they're still hanging there
How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb? Well it isn't 5 because my basement is still dark.
What do you get when you run over a dead baby with a lawn mower? An erection.
An Irishman walks out of a bar
What did the leper say to the prostitute? Keep the tip.
What's the difference between boy scouts and Jews? Boy scouts come back from camp
What makes an ISIS joke funny? The execution.
So I painted my laptop black, so it would run faster... Now it doesn't work.
I like my women how I like my whisky, age 12 and mixed with coke.
Where do black Jews go? To the back of the oven.
What's the difference between a chav and a park bench A park bench can support a family of four
Whats better than winning a gold medal in the Special Olympics? Not being a retard.
What's brown and sticky? A napalmed Iraqi.
Why are gay guys the first to leave a hotel in the morning? They get their shit packed the night before
Have you ever tried Ethiopian food? No neither have they.
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? none.
What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral one less drunk
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? Nothing, she just gagged a little
What is a crick? The sound a Chinese camera makes.
What does an Irish 7 course meal consist of? A six pack and a potato
yo mama's so ugly, her pictures hang themselves
Why are priests so strong? they exorcise a lot
A Mexican magician tells his audience he will disappear on the count of 3 "uno, dos... poof he vanishes without a tres
A man goes to the doctor for his annual check-up, and the doctor tells him, "You need to stop masturbating." The man asks, "Why?" The doctor replies, "Because I'm trying to examine you"
How did the world know communism was doomed? There were a lot of red flags.
What did the Russian people light their houses with before they started using candles? Electricity.
how do you spot a blind guy at a nudist beach it's not hard
you know what I really like about Switzerland? Well, for one thing, the flag is a big plus.
Mickey Mouse and his lawyer are talking for a long time, and after a while the lawyer interrupts Mickey and says "listen, I don't care how strange Miney is, that's not grounds for divorce," to which Mickey responds, "I didn't say she was strange, I said she was fucking Goofey!"
A priest, a paedophile, and a rapist walks into a bar. He orders a beer.
A dumb blonde and a smart blond jump off a cliff which one hits the ground first? the dumb blonde, smart blondes don't exist
Failed my biology test today: I was asked: "What is commonly found in cells? " Apparently black people aren't the answer...
Why did the sperm cross the road? Cause i wore the wrong socks today
I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it.
Two priests are out driving one day when they get pulled over by a police officer. The cop approaches the priests vehicle and says to the driver "Sorry to pull you over father, but we're looking for a couple of child molesters" The two priests look at each other for a few moments and have a few quiet words to each other. The driver turns back to the cop and says; "Alright officer, we'll do it"
A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building He yells "Don't do it! You have so much potential
A blind man walks into a bar... And then a table And then a chair
Someone told me I'm condescending That means I talk down to people.
During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? "Over there by mine", was not the answer I was expecting.
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't I've cut off your arms!"
I used to work in a calendar factory. I got fired for taking a day off.
My friend used to work at the sperm bank. Got fired for drinking on the job.
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one says, "I'll have some H2O." The second says, "I'll have some water too. But why'd you order it like that? We aren't at work." The first chemist excuses himself and weeps in the bathroom. His assassination plot had failed.