Jump 346: Supernatural

Jump #346: Supernatural
>Ace of Swords: May suggest new ideas or information that can reveal a solution to the problem at hand.
There are many ways to look at this card. I choose not to select the "kill them all" angle, despite SO MUCH temptation.
>Age: 26
>Location: Free Choice (Purgatory)
I have some cleaning up to do before I start screwing with the main plot.
>Identity: Drop-In
Boy, is Chuck going to be surprised when I show up to chat with him.
>I Can Change (800)
I don't really think I'll get much mileage out of this... but there are others who might find it useful, and I have the means to grant it to them.
>Clairsentience (750, Drop-In)
I already can sense magic to an extent, but being able to trace them to their source? I think that might actually be new.
>Mental Projection (550, Drop-In)
I could probably already do this via telepathy and whatnot, but again, the explicit ability to do this is useful.
>Restoration (150)
This on the other hand... yeah, sure, a rune array tapping into ambient magic, pushing out a low-level repair charm to everything within a given area, that'd work. But why go to all the effort?
>Iron Crowbar (100)
Hey, it worked for Freeman.
>Meta Fiction (0, Drop-In)
I've already got cartoons and movies, but the book series is better.

So! I can start anywhere that I wish to go!

So I go to Purgatory, pull out the Black Blade (I'll settle on a name for it soon, I swear, but it's the Necrosword/Chaosbringer/Sword of Darkness) and get to work. Because the Leviathan plot is stupid, and so is the Eve plot. Once the majority of that is dealt with, I use the Gauntlet to open a path back to the real world. Once I'm there, first order of business is dealing with Sam and Dean Winchester, to prevent the Stupid Apocalypse.

No, this doesn't mean I kill them, but man is it tempting.

"Hiya, fellas! Having car trouble?"
>"Whoa! Whoa whoa whoa." "What the fuck?"
"Imagine that, the odds that a car that could survive the apocalypse stalling out at a crossroads, a full year before that was actually supposed to happen. Huh. So! Let's skip the bullshit and make a deal-"
>"Right, to hell with this." BLAM. "Dean! Hey! Whoa!"
"... huh. Hey, uh, guys, you just shot me with a silver bullet coated in a tincture of holy oil, sage, and myrrh. Okay! I can see I'm not wanted-"
>"How. The FUCK. Are you alive." "Those bullets are supposed to kill anything."
"Hey, if it makes you feel better, there are only five things in Creation that can't be killed from it, I'm just from outside of Creation and the effect that it uses to kill things won't work on me because I'm a cheating cheater wot cheats cheatingly."
>"Would two bullets work on something that one bullet doesn't?"
"No. Here's your bullet back by the by, can't guarantee it'll work but you might want to try it if you see any vampires, so. The name's Crux."
>"The fuck."
"Gentlemen! I hear you're in the business of saving the world. By a stroke of luck, so am I, because I'm just passing through but if it ends while I'm here I'll be miffed! And I am prepared to offer you two the deal of a lifetime to make that happen because otherwise the Stupid Apocalypse is going to happen sooner or later because Jesus' dad here is a red chode muffin."
>"Uh... dude." "Man, that is NOT cool."
"Believe you me, fellas, you'd agree with me if you knew what I knew."
"But, tell you what. You two? You're gonna run into a lot of weird shit in your future. So here, have a cellphone with my number on speed dial. Thing's untracable and will get a signal anywhere on the planet, or in the afterlife. At least, I'm pretty sure it should, I haven't been to Heaven to test it, but I did briefly go to Hell and I still had three bars. You run into something beyond the pale, and I mean like Lucifer, the four horsemen of the apocalypse, whatever - not just some common vampire unless you're having a REALLY bad day - and I'll take care of it. Hell, I'll throw in a free resurrection if one of you happens to keel over and get dragged to hell or something. And you will, so I would suggest you take the deal and I unchain you from stupid fates."
>"What." "And in exchange...?"
"Eh, two things. One, you've got demon blood, and despite it being pretty cool, it's a terrible idea for a human to have that here so I want that."
>"What?!" "That's... new. I'm not seeing a downside. And the other?"
"I want your revenge. You find ol' Yellow Eyes, you give me a ring, and I will absotively posilutely murder the absolute hell out of him. One hundred ten percent guaranteed."
>"That's..." "...a thing, yeah."
"You have my word, and I'll shake on it if you like. Killing that shit would put a smile in my heart. But I mean, if you want to REALLY go oldschool, I can give you this contract that I just pulled out of midair."
>"Um." "...Handshake is fine. Are you sure you're not a demon or something?"
"Very much 'or something', but you've got my word that I'm fighting the good fight. Pleasure doing business with you boys, keep in touch."

And so when they walked into a trap a couple weeks later, it turned out that the slightly-used bullet still had its mojo and killed one of Azazel's servants as it ought to have done. Then the idiots got hit by a truck. I was busy doing other things, however, so I ignored them for a while until I got a phone call from them. Turns out Azazel took their dad to Hell. So I hemmed and hawed, and then I went 'fuck it', garbed myself in a cloak of stars and waltzed into the Pit like I owned the place with every last demon-repelling holy perk going that I have. Basically, the end result was demons assuming that some sort of angel or angelic secret weapon came to deal with it.

Hell was in a bit of an uproar because of this. And even moreso when I repeated the feat for Sam's sake. It was in noticably more of an uproar when Azazel popped open a portal to Hell, then got a Black Blade stabbed through the face, dying in such a way that he was most definitely not coming back. Apparently, this was not the anticipated result.

Then there was the whole run-up with the Seven Deadly Sins. I got a phone call about that, cheerfully went "hey, that's not cool because I'm all about human free will and determination", and murdered the fuck out of them because, yeah.

And then Ruby started playing games, realized that Sam was no longer a potential host for Lucifer, stopped playing games, and ran into me. And I went 'oh hi! I'm from out of town, and I hear you can show me a hell of a time'. And, well, one thing led to another and I stabbed Lilith in the face and set things into motion to let Lucifer out. Into a brain-dead clone with Sam's demon blood in it.

Once he got out, I let him enjoy his tomfuckery for a while and ended up at some hotel with a bunch of local down-and-out gods having a convention. And then apparently Lucifer decided to show up and break the rules of sanctuary by unsheathing a blade. And, well, I was the one that guaranteed sanctuary, so Sam and Dean got to see firsthand exactly what happens when someone gets stabbed in the face. They were not exactly fans of it, and for that matter neither was Gabriel who also happened to see it, who wandered off mumbling about his brother being dead and all that time worrying about the apocalypse wasted. Poor guy, I gave him PTSD.

And then I went back to Hell and killed Crowley because Crowley is a dick, but everyone didn't . Hell's resulting civil war basically brought every demon on the planet back in, and the odds of them sorting the whole mess out within a century was pretty low.

And then I tracked down the Four Horsemen when I got a call about them and ended them, too.

"HEY DEATH ADEADREAPERSAYSWHAT?"
>"What?"
STAB.

Because the plot is stupid and the smallest amount of prep time is sufficient if operating on their level.

Not too long after that... Metatron tracked me down (via a favor he got from Castiel), asking who I was, why no one except the Winchesters could ever contact me or even find me. And how the hell I managed to derail the intended apocalypse. And I smiled, and shrugged, and asked whether we should go say hi to his dad. And then we teleported outside Chuck's house. And then we sat down and had a long, long, long talk.

Then he left mortal form, grabbed his sister, and left the universe with her.

Metatron looked at the whole thing, then looked at me and said, "Well, fuck."

I shrugged and told him, "Better than a civil war in Heaven. Apocalypse is cancelled, status quo, good guys won but player one has left the building."

Metatron repeated, "Fuck."

I smiled, patted him on the back, and walked off into the sunrise.