Advertisement
Not a member of Pastebin yet?
Sign Up,
it unlocks many cool features!
- 1
- 00:00:21,546 --> 00:00:26,546
- Subtitles by explosiveskull
- 2
- 00:00:27,133 --> 00:00:29,001
- <i>Here's the thing about
- living with all women.</i>
- 3
- 00:00:29,003 --> 00:00:32,169
- <i>There's constant
- crying in the house.</i>
- 4
- 00:00:32,171 --> 00:00:33,739
- <i>And they hate it
- when I do that.</i>
- 5
- 00:00:33,741 --> 00:00:36,240
- <i>It's like, first of all, you
- know what I'm going through.</i>
- 6
- 00:00:36,242 --> 00:00:37,910
- All right, you guys ready
- for your first comedian?
- 7
- 00:00:37,912 --> 00:00:38,977
- <i>Let me hear it.</i>
- 8
- 00:00:38,979 --> 00:00:42,414
- <i>Please give it up
- for Nina Geld!</i>
- 9
- 00:00:42,416 --> 00:00:45,284
- It's incredible, the things
- us women could be getting done
- 10
- 00:00:45,286 --> 00:00:47,486
- if we weren't always
- defending ourselves
- 11
- 00:00:47,488 --> 00:00:48,820
- from men trying to fuck us
- 12
- 00:00:48,822 --> 00:00:50,491
- all the time.
- 13
- 00:01:03,904 --> 00:01:06,038
- <i>Peace between Israel
- and Palestine,</i>
- 14
- 00:01:06,040 --> 00:01:07,739
- <i>or Syria, or Saudi Arabia,
- or whatever.</i>
- 15
- 00:01:07,741 --> 00:01:09,341
- <i>We could have fixed that
- a long time ago,</i>
- 16
- 00:01:09,343 --> 00:01:11,243
- <i>but a bunch of dudes that just
- couldn't stop thinking about</i>
- 17
- 00:01:11,245 --> 00:01:13,645
- <i>fucking that hot
- Israeli translator.</i>
- 18
- 00:01:13,647 --> 00:01:14,782
- <i>Just fuck!</i>
- 19
- 00:01:16,550 --> 00:01:20,018
- <i>When I think about all the amazing
- things men could have accomplished,</i>
- 20
- 00:01:20,020 --> 00:01:22,323
- <i>if you weren't just trying
- to fuck us all the time.</i>
- 21
- 00:01:23,857 --> 00:01:26,325
- <i>You've made a breakthrough.</i>
- 22
- 00:01:26,327 --> 00:01:29,227
- <i>You're about to find
- the cure of cancer.</i>
- 23
- 00:01:29,229 --> 00:01:32,065
- <i>But, ah, you just wanna
- fuck your lab assistant.</i>
- 24
- 00:01:32,067 --> 00:01:33,665
- <i>Fuck!</i>
- 25
- 00:01:33,667 --> 00:01:35,935
- <i>Did you know, that's why we
- haven't found a cure for cancer?</i>
- 26
- 00:01:35,937 --> 00:01:37,636
- <i>It's because of
- fucking lab assistants.</i>
- 27
- 00:01:39,239 --> 00:01:41,442
- <i>You ready to see
- a cool comic?</i>
- 28
- 00:01:42,476 --> 00:01:43,875
- <i>This is fucking bullshit.</i>
- 29
- 00:01:43,877 --> 00:01:45,611
- <i>Fucking girl comic.</i>
- 30
- 00:01:45,613 --> 00:01:47,312
- <i>Why do I wanna fuck her?</i>
- 31
- 00:01:49,084 --> 00:01:52,184
- <i>Because you always
- want to fuck her.</i>
- 32
- 00:01:52,186 --> 00:01:54,119
- <i>Remember that time you were
- supposed to help your friend Jamie</i>
- 33
- 00:01:54,121 --> 00:01:55,520
- <i>with her AP biology test,</i>
- 34
- 00:01:55,522 --> 00:01:57,456
- <i>but you fucked her instead?</i>
- 35
- 00:01:57,458 --> 00:01:59,124
- <i>She failed that test.</i>
- 36
- 00:01:59,126 --> 00:02:00,827
- <i>Instead of graduating,
- getting her doctorate</i>
- 37
- 00:02:00,829 --> 00:02:02,061
- <i>and going on to
- solve the energy crisis,</i>
- 38
- 00:02:02,063 --> 00:02:04,396
- <i>she lives with her mother now
- and manages a Lids.</i>
- 39
- 00:02:06,333 --> 00:02:08,034
- That's on you.
- 40
- 00:02:08,036 --> 00:02:10,571
- That's on you and
- your dumb, dumb dick.
- 41
- 00:02:13,708 --> 00:02:17,309
- Okay. I know I'm not supposed to
- talk about my pussy on stage,
- 42
- 00:02:17,311 --> 00:02:19,413
- because men never
- talk about their dicks,
- 43
- 00:02:20,447 --> 00:02:21,848
- but here's the thing.
- 44
- 00:02:21,850 --> 00:02:24,083
- I bleed through my pussy
- every month.
- 45
- 00:02:24,085 --> 00:02:27,354
- In fact, I'm... I'm bleeding
- through my pussy right now.
- 46
- 00:02:28,589 --> 00:02:30,023
- On stage.
- 47
- 00:02:30,025 --> 00:02:32,224
- And here's something else
- you probably don't know.
- 48
- 00:02:32,226 --> 00:02:35,028
- Just before I get my period
- every month,
- 49
- 00:02:35,030 --> 00:02:36,863
- and over the next
- day or two,
- 50
- 00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:38,430
- I get diarrhea.
- 51
- 00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:41,668
- I do. And I'm not
- the only one either.
- 52
- 00:02:41,670 --> 00:02:43,069
- It happens to a lot
- of us women.
- 53
- 00:02:43,071 --> 00:02:44,904
- - Okay?
- - Whoo! Yeah.
- 54
- 00:02:44,906 --> 00:02:48,541
- When I go to the bathroom and I'm done
- shitting liquid while I check Facebook,
- 55
- 00:02:48,543 --> 00:02:53,079
- I look down, it's like a scene
- from fucking <i>Saving Private Ryan.</i>
- 56
- 00:02:53,081 --> 00:02:55,081
- It's just like
- a massacre in there.
- 57
- 00:02:55,083 --> 00:02:57,182
- But weirdly no men.
- 58
- 00:02:57,184 --> 00:03:00,185
- No Matt Damon,
- just the all female reboot.
- 59
- 00:03:00,187 --> 00:03:02,254
- I read there's
- a German word for it.
- 60
- 00:03:02,256 --> 00:03:03,956
- "Bloodshitza."
- 61
- 00:03:03,958 --> 00:03:06,392
- I bet in Canada
- the National Health Service
- 62
- 00:03:06,394 --> 00:03:08,596
- gives you a fucking day off
- for bloodshitza.
- 63
- 00:03:09,431 --> 00:03:10,295
- Oh, no!
- 64
- 00:03:10,297 --> 00:03:11,898
- Oh, no. Stay home,
- watch some hockey
- 65
- 00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:13,368
- and just shit that blood out.
- 66
- 00:03:14,536 --> 00:03:16,602
- Nina Geld, everybody.
- 67
- 00:03:16,604 --> 00:03:18,907
- She's horny as fuck, right?
- 68
- 00:03:20,775 --> 00:03:24,112
- Give it up for
- our next comic, Mike Hall.
- 69
- 00:03:26,347 --> 00:03:28,548
- Nina Geld.
- Round of applause for her.
- 70
- 00:03:29,884 --> 00:03:32,518
- I'm supposed to say, like, she's
- really funny, but she's hot.
- 71
- 00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:33,953
- She's red smoking,
- 72
- 00:03:33,955 --> 00:03:35,955
- oh, my God, take you
- out of your game hot,
- 73
- 00:03:35,957 --> 00:03:37,824
- and I want to fuck her.
- 74
- 00:03:37,826 --> 00:03:39,726
- She can put me
- in a dungeon, tie me up,
- 75
- 00:03:39,728 --> 00:03:40,793
- and play Phil Collins,
- 76
- 00:03:40,795 --> 00:03:44,198
- and I would
- still be bonerific...
- 77
- 00:03:45,567 --> 00:03:47,500
- Murderer.
- 78
- 00:03:47,502 --> 00:03:48,701
- When are you gonna fuck me?
- 79
- 00:03:48,703 --> 00:03:50,570
- Like, this dance is stupid.
- 80
- 00:03:50,572 --> 00:03:53,209
- Lose some weight, you fat fuck.
- Look at yourself.
- 81
- 00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:55,908
- If I lose weight
- you'll fuck me?
- 82
- 00:03:55,910 --> 00:03:57,376
- 'Cause I'll lose...
- I'll lose weight.
- 83
- 00:03:57,378 --> 00:03:59,679
- You know why I will
- really never fuck you, Mike?
- 84
- 00:03:59,681 --> 00:04:01,380
- It has nothing to do with your weight.
- You know why?
- 85
- 00:04:01,382 --> 00:04:03,015
- No, it has everything to do
- with my weight.
- 86
- 00:04:03,017 --> 00:04:04,450
- I'm a big, fat fuck.
- 87
- 00:04:04,452 --> 00:04:06,252
- It's because there's not a single
- original bone in your body.
- 88
- 00:04:06,254 --> 00:04:08,188
- I'd like to put an original
- bone in your body.
- 89
- 00:04:08,190 --> 00:04:10,157
- Have fun jacking off
- to me tonight, right?
- 90
- 00:04:10,159 --> 00:04:12,094
- Jacking off to you is gonna
- be the best part of my night.
- 91
- 00:04:12,894 --> 00:04:14,161
- You're filthy.
- 92
- 00:04:14,163 --> 00:04:16,931
- You are filthy
- when I jack off to you.
- 93
- 00:04:23,705 --> 00:04:26,140
- We're not driving.
- We're taking the Uber chopper.
- 94
- 00:04:26,142 --> 00:04:27,607
- Have you guys checked
- that out yet?
- 95
- 00:04:27,609 --> 00:04:30,179
- Look, man. It should be a good weekend.
- It gets a little wild.
- 96
- 00:04:30,946 --> 00:04:32,114
- Uh...
- 97
- 00:04:34,549 --> 00:04:36,185
- Hi. Wanna buy me
- a drink?
- 98
- 00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:39,452
- You're, uh...
- You're forward.
- 99
- 00:04:39,454 --> 00:04:42,555
- Well, you make more than me,
- so it's only fair.
- 100
- 00:04:42,557 --> 00:04:43,924
- Well, what do you do?
- 101
- 00:04:43,926 --> 00:04:45,625
- I'm a comedian.
- 102
- 00:04:45,627 --> 00:04:46,894
- You're a comedian?
- 103
- 00:04:46,896 --> 00:04:48,594
- So then of course
- you'll tell me a joke?
- 104
- 00:04:48,596 --> 00:04:50,563
- Hmm. No.
- 105
- 00:04:50,565 --> 00:04:52,465
- No? Well, I don't know
- if I want to buy you a drink
- 106
- 00:04:52,467 --> 00:04:53,867
- if you're not gonna
- tell me a joke.
- 107
- 00:04:53,869 --> 00:04:55,535
- Do you wanna
- just go, then?
- 108
- 00:04:55,537 --> 00:04:56,669
- Do I want to?
- 109
- 00:04:56,671 --> 00:04:57,670
- Let's go.
- 110
- 00:04:57,672 --> 00:04:59,438
- Yeah, okay.
- 111
- 00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:02,176
- So, is this whole, like,
- cougar thing common for you?
- 112
- 00:05:02,178 --> 00:05:03,609
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
- 113
- 00:05:03,611 --> 00:05:05,913
- Did you just say... Did you just use...
- Oh, God.
- 114
- 00:05:05,915 --> 00:05:07,214
- No, did I say that?
- 115
- 00:05:07,216 --> 00:05:08,550
- - Did you just say cougar?
- - No, I didn't.
- 116
- 00:05:09,151 --> 00:05:10,383
- How am I a cougar?
- 117
- 00:05:10,385 --> 00:05:12,318
- I swear, I'm like
- three years older than you.
- 118
- 00:05:19,161 --> 00:05:21,094
- - Jesus Christ, Joe.
- - Who is this guy?
- 119
- 00:05:21,096 --> 00:05:22,229
- Hey, who the fuck
- is this guy?
- 120
- 00:05:22,231 --> 00:05:23,396
- Who am I?
- Who are you, man?
- 121
- 00:05:23,398 --> 00:05:25,098
- Jesus... How did you
- get in here?
- 122
- 00:05:25,100 --> 00:05:26,465
- - No...
- - What are you...
- 123
- 00:05:26,467 --> 00:05:28,237
- It doesn't matter
- who he is, okay?
- 124
- 00:05:29,104 --> 00:05:31,305
- Okay. Uh...
- I'm gonna go.
- 125
- 00:05:31,307 --> 00:05:33,506
- - Stay.
- - You should fucking leave.
- 126
- 00:05:33,508 --> 00:05:34,608
- Uh...
- 127
- 00:05:34,610 --> 00:05:36,442
- Hey, Ken.
- 128
- 00:05:36,444 --> 00:05:39,146
- I asked you to come up here,
- and I want you to stay. Okay?
- 129
- 00:05:39,148 --> 00:05:41,684
- Okay. Uh, it's Cy actually...
- 130
- 00:05:42,350 --> 00:05:43,183
- Cy. Fine.
- 131
- 00:05:43,185 --> 00:05:44,751
- Looks like you already
- got a Ken.
- 132
- 00:05:44,753 --> 00:05:46,019
- That works out.
- That's great.
- 133
- 00:05:46,021 --> 00:05:47,420
- So I'm gonna sit
- this one out.
- 134
- 00:05:47,422 --> 00:05:48,288
- She'll be fine.
- 135
- 00:05:48,290 --> 00:05:49,723
- Look at that.
- You'll be fine.
- 136
- 00:05:49,725 --> 00:05:51,091
- Works out perfectly.
- 137
- 00:05:51,093 --> 00:05:52,526
- Good night.
- 138
- 00:05:52,528 --> 00:05:54,163
- I'm taking these. So...
- 139
- 00:05:55,030 --> 00:05:56,665
- Thanks a lot, asshole.
- 140
- 00:05:57,600 --> 00:05:58,601
- Hey, hey.
- 141
- 00:06:03,038 --> 00:06:04,872
- Fucking shit!
- 142
- 00:06:04,874 --> 00:06:06,343
- Fuck! Jesus Christ!
- 143
- 00:06:07,042 --> 00:06:08,777
- Fuck! Goddammit!
- 144
- 00:06:11,547 --> 00:06:13,115
- Fuck! Nina!
- 145
- 00:06:13,816 --> 00:06:15,117
- God!
- 146
- 00:06:29,031 --> 00:06:30,300
- Uh...
- 147
- 00:06:31,167 --> 00:06:32,434
- I'm gonna call you.
- 148
- 00:06:33,135 --> 00:06:34,536
- Please don't.
- 149
- 00:06:47,483 --> 00:06:50,086
- <i>I hear about these set-ups
- people do for one another.</i>
- 150
- 00:06:54,723 --> 00:06:56,423
- <i>It doesn't work for me.</i>
- 151
- 00:06:56,425 --> 00:06:58,393
- <i>The last significant
- relationship I had,</i>
- 152
- 00:06:58,395 --> 00:07:00,427
- <i>if you can call it that,
- was with this guy.</i>
- 153
- 00:07:00,429 --> 00:07:01,797
- <i>If you can call him that.</i>
- 154
- 00:07:02,498 --> 00:07:03,599
- <i>Joe.</i>
- 155
- 00:07:07,337 --> 00:07:09,705
- <i>I got a call from a friend one morning.
- She's been raped.</i>
- 156
- 00:07:10,673 --> 00:07:12,106
- That's not the funny part.
- 157
- 00:07:12,108 --> 00:07:13,740
- That part was real.
- 158
- 00:07:13,742 --> 00:07:16,044
- So I go with her
- to the cops.
- 159
- 00:07:16,046 --> 00:07:19,047
- And it's, you know,
- not a warm room.
- 160
- 00:07:19,049 --> 00:07:21,015
- Bunch of old, bloated
- white guys being like,
- 161
- 00:07:21,017 --> 00:07:22,516
- "Well, if you don't
- remember nothing,
- 162
- 00:07:22,518 --> 00:07:24,321
- how do you know
- you was raped?"
- 163
- 00:07:25,754 --> 00:07:27,223
- Woman's intuition.
- 164
- 00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:31,558
- 'Cause my vagina's
- blown to pieces.
- 165
- 00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:33,627
- I swear. If men were
- raped as much as women,
- 166
- 00:07:33,629 --> 00:07:36,297
- there'd be an automatic
- death penalty for rapists.
- 167
- 00:07:36,299 --> 00:07:37,865
- So we gotta go
- to The Bronx.
- 168
- 00:07:37,867 --> 00:07:39,100
- And in walks Joe.
- 169
- 00:07:39,102 --> 00:07:40,734
- Joe, the guy I mentioned.
- 170
- 00:07:40,736 --> 00:07:42,870
- <i>He's a breath of
- fresh air at this moment,</i>
- 171
- 00:07:42,872 --> 00:07:45,708
- <i>and just the kind of asshole
- I like to ride.</i>
- 172
- 00:07:48,011 --> 00:07:49,310
- Will you go down
- on me, Joe?
- 173
- 00:07:49,312 --> 00:07:50,610
- - What?
- - Will you go down on me?
- 174
- 00:07:50,612 --> 00:07:52,113
- Yeah. Fuck, yeah.
- Of course, I will.
- 175
- 00:07:52,115 --> 00:07:53,515
- Yeah.
- 176
- 00:07:53,883 --> 00:07:55,950
- Yeah.
- 177
- 00:07:55,952 --> 00:07:58,585
- So he drives us to The Bronx,
- and he's chatty in the car,
- 178
- 00:07:58,587 --> 00:08:00,989
- and once he knows
- I'm in the business
- 179
- 00:08:00,991 --> 00:08:02,056
- he starts talking about films.
- 180
- 00:08:02,058 --> 00:08:03,458
- He's been an extra
- for Marty,
- 181
- 00:08:03,460 --> 00:08:05,360
- he's done comedy,
- blah, blah, blah.
- 182
- 00:08:05,362 --> 00:08:06,930
- As we get out
- of the car,
- 183
- 00:08:07,931 --> 00:08:10,098
- I kid you not,
- 184
- 00:08:10,100 --> 00:08:13,436
- just as I'm about to take my
- friend in for her rape test,
- 185
- 00:08:14,270 --> 00:08:17,607
- he hands us his headshot.
- 186
- 00:08:19,042 --> 00:08:20,577
- What do I like
- about him?
- 187
- 00:08:21,811 --> 00:08:23,244
- Nothing.
- 188
- 00:08:23,246 --> 00:08:26,282
- <i>No, I'm with him
- because I'm a fuck up.</i>
- 189
- 00:08:27,183 --> 00:08:28,486
- <i>He's a joke.</i>
- 190
- 00:08:29,252 --> 00:08:31,388
- <i>A walking stereotype.
- So am I.</i>
- 191
- 00:08:32,989 --> 00:08:34,290
- What's going on?
- 192
- 00:08:44,100 --> 00:08:46,034
- At least he's hot.
- 193
- 00:08:46,036 --> 00:08:47,702
- Fucks me right.
- 194
- 00:08:47,704 --> 00:08:49,103
- So who cares?
- 195
- 00:08:49,105 --> 00:08:51,574
- And yes, he hits me.
- He's a cop. Duh.
- 196
- 00:08:55,278 --> 00:08:56,646
- I don't mind it.
- 197
- 00:08:59,517 --> 00:09:01,519
- It keeps me from falling
- asleep during sex.
- 198
- 00:09:07,657 --> 00:09:09,023
- Thank you.
- 199
- 00:09:09,025 --> 00:09:10,261
- Good night.
- 200
- 00:09:33,950 --> 00:09:35,252
- I'll just be a minute.
- 201
- 00:09:57,007 --> 00:09:58,006
- Can I help you?
- 202
- 00:10:02,812 --> 00:10:04,179
- Hey, get back here!
- 203
- 00:10:04,181 --> 00:10:05,583
- Kids, hold on a second.
- 204
- 00:10:06,649 --> 00:10:08,683
- At least man up to it,
- you slut.
- 205
- 00:10:08,685 --> 00:10:09,619
- Hey!
- 206
- 00:10:11,754 --> 00:10:12,822
- Hello.
- 207
- 00:10:13,790 --> 00:10:14,990
- He do that to your face?
- 208
- 00:10:14,992 --> 00:10:16,327
- 'Cause I'm about to
- punch you.
- 209
- 00:10:20,663 --> 00:10:22,566
- I just wanted
- to make sure you knew.
- 210
- 00:10:24,301 --> 00:10:25,534
- Just wanted to make sure
- you knew.
- 211
- 00:10:25,536 --> 00:10:27,069
- Of course, I fucking know.
- He's my husband.
- 212
- 00:10:27,071 --> 00:10:28,636
- You think I'm some
- kind of idiot?
- 213
- 00:10:28,638 --> 00:10:31,106
- He's my husband.
- We got two kids.
- 214
- 00:10:31,108 --> 00:10:33,475
- Well, maybe you can keep
- your fucking husband in line.
- 215
- 00:10:33,477 --> 00:10:35,210
- Okay? 'Cause he keeps
- showing up,
- 216
- 00:10:35,212 --> 00:10:36,677
- and I can't stop fucking him.
- 217
- 00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:38,046
- So, please!
- 218
- 00:10:38,048 --> 00:10:39,148
- Do something about it,
- 219
- 00:10:39,150 --> 00:10:40,883
- 'cause I can't fucking
- take it anymore.
- 220
- 00:10:40,885 --> 00:10:41,986
- Then fucking leave.
- 221
- 00:10:42,887 --> 00:10:43,986
- Maybe I will.
- 222
- 00:10:43,988 --> 00:10:45,454
- Yeah, good. Go.
- 223
- 00:10:45,456 --> 00:10:47,424
- Get the hell
- off my property.
- 224
- 00:10:49,994 --> 00:10:51,293
- <i>Hey, Nina. You still there?</i>
- 225
- 00:10:51,295 --> 00:10:52,861
- Yeah, I'm still on hold.
- 226
- 00:10:52,863 --> 00:10:53,896
- <i>Sorry, I don't have her right now.
- Can we try you back?</i>
- 227
- 00:10:53,898 --> 00:10:55,697
- No, I don't want her
- to call me back.
- 228
- 00:10:55,699 --> 00:10:57,533
- I want her to get on the phone
- whenever she's done taking a shit
- 229
- 00:10:57,535 --> 00:10:58,601
- or whatever it is
- she's doing.
- 230
- 00:10:58,603 --> 00:11:00,102
- - <i>You wanna stay on the line?</i>
- - Yeah.
- 231
- 00:11:00,104 --> 00:11:01,906
- - <i>Okay, please hold.</i>
- - Thank you.
- 232
- 00:11:02,506 --> 00:11:03,939
- Hey, ducky, ducky.
- 233
- 00:11:03,941 --> 00:11:05,009
- Hey...
- 234
- 00:11:06,043 --> 00:11:08,177
- You guys got agents, too?
- 235
- 00:11:08,179 --> 00:11:09,512
- <i>Hey, Nina.
- You're on. Carrie.</i>
- 236
- 00:11:09,514 --> 00:11:11,648
- Hello? Carrie?
- Hey.
- 237
- 00:11:11,650 --> 00:11:13,949
- <i>Nina, please don't
- be rude to my assistant.</i>
- 238
- 00:11:13,951 --> 00:11:15,150
- I wasn't taking a shit.
- 239
- 00:11:15,152 --> 00:11:17,554
- I was on another call. That's what I do.
- It happens.
- 240
- 00:11:17,556 --> 00:11:19,955
- Yeah, yeah. I get it.
- Listen, um...
- 241
- 00:11:19,957 --> 00:11:22,224
- Can I still audition
- for <i>Comedy Prime?</i>
- 242
- 00:11:22,226 --> 00:11:23,759
- Oh, my God.
- 243
- 00:11:23,761 --> 00:11:24,927
- I mean...
- 244
- 00:11:24,929 --> 00:11:26,094
- I guess you can audition.
- 245
- 00:11:26,096 --> 00:11:28,431
- But Larry is still gonna
- have to see you do stand-up.
- 246
- 00:11:28,433 --> 00:11:30,098
- That's what he does, okay?
- 247
- 00:11:30,100 --> 00:11:32,134
- <i>He hates New York though. He's
- not gonna go there. He hates it.</i>
- 248
- 00:11:32,136 --> 00:11:33,638
- Yeah. I'm, um...
- 249
- 00:11:34,472 --> 00:11:36,104
- I'm moving out there.
- 250
- 00:11:36,106 --> 00:11:37,105
- I'm sorry, what?
- 251
- 00:11:37,107 --> 00:11:38,641
- I'm moving to LA.
- 252
- 00:11:38,643 --> 00:11:40,677
- So can you book me
- shows there or what?
- 253
- 00:11:40,679 --> 00:11:42,211
- <i>I guess.
- But I don't know.</i>
- 254
- 00:11:42,213 --> 00:11:44,012
- Are you gonna show up, or are
- you just gonna fuck the doorman
- 255
- 00:11:44,014 --> 00:11:45,315
- like you did last time?
- 256
- 00:11:45,317 --> 00:11:46,651
- No, I mean, I'm...
- 257
- 00:11:47,352 --> 00:11:49,218
- I'm serious this time.
- 258
- 00:11:49,220 --> 00:11:50,453
- <i>It's not gonna be easy.</i>
- 259
- 00:11:50,455 --> 00:11:52,721
- - <i>I know.</i>
- - It's gonna be lots of hurdles.
- 260
- 00:11:52,723 --> 00:11:53,656
- <i>Yeah.</i>
- 261
- 00:11:53,658 --> 00:11:56,259
- You promise me
- that you're gonna show up?
- 262
- 00:11:56,261 --> 00:11:57,529
- I... I promise.
- 263
- 00:11:57,962 --> 00:11:59,362
- Okay. Well...
- 264
- 00:11:59,364 --> 00:12:00,699
- I will see what I can do.
- 265
- 00:12:01,065 --> 00:12:02,099
- <i>Goodbye.</i>
- 266
- 00:12:09,674 --> 00:12:11,443
- <i>Oh, my goodness. Honey.</i>
- 267
- 00:12:11,976 --> 00:12:13,376
- I missed you so much.
- 268
- 00:12:13,378 --> 00:12:15,278
- Oh, my gosh. Is that Nina?
- 269
- 00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:17,413
- - Oh, hey, Amy.
- - Oh, Debora, look at that.
- 270
- 00:12:17,415 --> 00:12:18,914
- Oh, my gosh.
- 271
- 00:12:18,916 --> 00:12:19,948
- Hi!
- 272
- 00:12:19,950 --> 00:12:21,651
- I'm Amy. I'm your
- mother's best friend.
- 273
- 00:12:21,653 --> 00:12:23,253
- I've lived right over here
- for years.
- 274
- 00:12:23,255 --> 00:12:24,320
- Yeah, I know you, Amy.
- 275
- 00:12:27,024 --> 00:12:29,259
- She hasn't
- moved there yet.
- 276
- 00:12:29,261 --> 00:12:31,361
- Oh, everybody's so tan,
- and they run.
- 277
- 00:12:31,363 --> 00:12:33,062
- Amy, do you remember we
- had a conversation
- 278
- 00:12:33,064 --> 00:12:35,064
- - just about this?
- - Yes, I do.
- 279
- 00:12:35,066 --> 00:12:36,266
- Okay, good.
- 280
- 00:12:36,268 --> 00:12:37,866
- Why don't I bring over some wine?
- What do you prefer?
- 281
- 00:12:37,868 --> 00:12:41,671
- Amy, bring the wine
- over after Nina's gone.
- 282
- 00:12:41,673 --> 00:12:43,774
- You've got her for a little while.
- Treasure her.
- 283
- 00:12:45,176 --> 00:12:46,242
- Mom.
- 284
- 00:12:46,244 --> 00:12:48,046
- Mom. Mom, I'm hungry.
- 285
- 00:12:49,780 --> 00:12:51,780
- - Good, Mom.
- - Oh, John.
- 286
- 00:12:51,782 --> 00:12:53,383
- You looking for some food?
- 287
- 00:12:53,385 --> 00:12:54,783
- You are so sweet.
- 288
- 00:12:54,785 --> 00:12:57,553
- It's yummy, so there's no leftover.
- I'm so sorry.
- 289
- 00:12:57,555 --> 00:12:59,289
- I'm so sorry!
- 290
- 00:12:59,291 --> 00:13:01,190
- Hi. Mom, hi.
- 291
- 00:13:01,192 --> 00:13:03,528
- I'm here.
- I came to visit you.
- 292
- 00:13:05,063 --> 00:13:06,231
- I'm so glad you're here.
- 293
- 00:13:16,308 --> 00:13:17,507
- So what do you think, Mom?
- 294
- 00:13:17,509 --> 00:13:19,144
- You're gonna come
- visit me in LA?
- 295
- 00:13:21,714 --> 00:13:27,250
- I think you are gonna have
- a great life out there.
- 296
- 00:13:27,252 --> 00:13:29,722
- It is gonna be
- so fantastic.
- 297
- 00:13:30,622 --> 00:13:34,057
- I put a little something
- together for you,
- 298
- 00:13:34,059 --> 00:13:35,628
- for your trip to LA.
- 299
- 00:13:47,072 --> 00:13:48,438
- It's a list.
- 300
- 00:13:49,575 --> 00:13:51,307
- Of plumbers.
- 301
- 00:13:51,309 --> 00:13:53,076
- You know,
- just in case you need one
- 302
- 00:13:53,078 --> 00:13:55,178
- where you're staying
- if there's no hot water.
- 303
- 00:13:55,180 --> 00:13:56,412
- It's always good to know.
- 304
- 00:13:56,414 --> 00:13:59,683
- It's from Angie's list, so they're very...
- They're reputable.
- 305
- 00:13:59,685 --> 00:14:01,184
- So they're good.
- They're reputable.
- 306
- 00:14:01,186 --> 00:14:03,119
- Yeah, thank you.
- 307
- 00:14:03,121 --> 00:14:04,688
- I know what I wanted to
- talk to you about.
- 308
- 00:14:04,690 --> 00:14:06,690
- I know you're not gonna
- lie this, but,
- 309
- 00:14:06,692 --> 00:14:09,258
- Amy's parents,
- they live in LA.
- 310
- 00:14:09,260 --> 00:14:10,694
- You know,
- they're from New Jersey.
- 311
- 00:14:10,696 --> 00:14:11,795
- They're also Jewish.
- 312
- 00:14:11,797 --> 00:14:12,962
- They will take care of you.
- 313
- 00:14:12,964 --> 00:14:14,931
- I'm staying at my agent's
- friend's house.
- 314
- 00:14:14,933 --> 00:14:16,299
- So I'm fine.
- 315
- 00:14:16,301 --> 00:14:17,701
- Nina, this means
- it's gonna happen.
- 316
- 00:14:17,703 --> 00:14:20,537
- You are gonna be
- on <i>Comedy Prime.</i>
- 317
- 00:14:20,539 --> 00:14:22,004
- This is so exciting!
- 318
- 00:14:22,006 --> 00:14:24,842
- They have got to hire you.
- You are so fanta...
- 319
- 00:14:24,844 --> 00:14:27,411
- Do you want me to call them for you?
- 'Cause I will.
- 320
- 00:14:27,413 --> 00:14:29,045
- Yeah, Mom.
- Give 'em a call.
- 321
- 00:14:29,047 --> 00:14:29,912
- Call 'em up.
- 322
- 00:14:29,914 --> 00:14:32,416
- You should be on that show.
- 323
- 00:14:32,418 --> 00:14:35,184
- <i>Blue skies, muted gold...</i>
- 324
- 00:14:44,397 --> 00:14:46,397
- <i>0.6 miles.</i>
- 325
- 00:14:46,399 --> 00:14:48,032
- <i>Continue straight.</i>
- 326
- 00:14:48,467 --> 00:14:49,899
- It's huge.
- 327
- 00:14:49,901 --> 00:14:51,368
- <i>Turn left.</i>
- 328
- 00:14:51,370 --> 00:14:52,969
- <i>Turn left.</i>
- 329
- 00:14:52,971 --> 00:14:54,173
- <i>Right.</i>
- 330
- 00:14:56,142 --> 00:14:57,676
- <i>Turn right.</i>
- 331
- 00:15:03,682 --> 00:15:06,216
- <i>You have reached
- your destination.</i>
- 332
- 00:15:36,549 --> 00:15:38,482
- You must be Nina.
- 333
- 00:15:38,484 --> 00:15:40,350
- <i>Carrie told me
- you were coming.</i>
- 334
- 00:15:40,352 --> 00:15:43,420
- I'm Lake.
- My pronouns are she/her.
- 335
- 00:15:43,422 --> 00:15:47,059
- Sorry. I'm Mexican, and we
- don't do the hand thing.
- 336
- 00:15:47,526 --> 00:15:48,794
- We kiss.
- 337
- 00:15:49,328 --> 00:15:50,396
- Come here.
- 338
- 00:15:52,164 --> 00:15:53,664
- Oh!
- 339
- 00:15:53,666 --> 00:15:56,937
- Come in. I'm gonna
- show you the house.
- 340
- 00:15:58,103 --> 00:15:59,138
- Come.
- 341
- 00:16:07,213 --> 00:16:09,613
- This place is beautiful.
- 342
- 00:16:09,615 --> 00:16:11,281
- Thank you.
- 343
- 00:16:11,283 --> 00:16:15,085
- It's built around that tree
- there and the rocks.
- 344
- 00:16:15,087 --> 00:16:17,891
- As soon as I saw it,
- I knew I had to live here.
- 345
- 00:16:18,959 --> 00:16:23,028
- I used to live on the west side,
- but it was too wavy.
- 346
- 00:16:23,797 --> 00:16:26,196
- I need trees around me.
- 347
- 00:16:26,198 --> 00:16:27,665
- Hills, roots.
- 348
- 00:16:27,667 --> 00:16:30,234
- I'm water based,
- so I need the balance.
- 349
- 00:16:30,236 --> 00:16:34,039
- I'm whiskey based,
- so that's more my thing.
- 350
- 00:16:40,747 --> 00:16:43,783
- I feel your energy tired.
- 351
- 00:16:45,251 --> 00:16:46,283
- Well, I am tired.
- 352
- 00:16:46,285 --> 00:16:48,755
- So it makes sense
- that my energy would be.
- 353
- 00:16:54,293 --> 00:16:55,361
- What are you doing?
- 354
- 00:16:56,262 --> 00:16:57,263
- Reiki.
- 355
- 00:17:06,540 --> 00:17:08,207
- It's so good that you're here.
- 356
- 00:17:14,781 --> 00:17:17,080
- Come, Nina.
- 357
- 00:17:17,082 --> 00:17:18,850
- - This is gonna be your room.
- - Oh, wow.
- 358
- 00:17:18,852 --> 00:17:21,452
- - If you like it.
- - It's fantastic.
- 359
- 00:17:21,454 --> 00:17:22,820
- This is gonna be great.
- 360
- 00:17:22,822 --> 00:17:24,956
- Our fears are gonna sink.
- 361
- 00:17:24,958 --> 00:17:26,824
- It's gonna be really good.
- 362
- 00:17:26,826 --> 00:17:29,294
- I love Carrie.
- Don't you love her?
- 363
- 00:17:29,296 --> 00:17:31,462
- Yeah. Well, I mean,
- sometimes more than others.
- 364
- 00:17:31,464 --> 00:17:34,933
- She read my first book
- when it was just a manuscript.
- 365
- 00:17:34,935 --> 00:17:37,435
- I mean, into
- the cherry blossom cycle.
- 366
- 00:17:37,437 --> 00:17:38,970
- - Oh, so you're a writer?
- - Yeah.
- 367
- 00:17:38,972 --> 00:17:42,006
- Yeah, yeah. My 12th book
- is coming out next week.
- 368
- 00:17:42,008 --> 00:17:44,542
- You're into...
- Is it <i>Prime...</i>
- 369
- 00:17:44,544 --> 00:17:45,743
- <i>Comedy Prime,</i> right?
- 370
- 00:17:45,745 --> 00:17:47,077
- I'm just auditioning.
- 371
- 00:17:47,079 --> 00:17:49,249
- I gotta come up with material
- and stuff, so...
- 372
- 00:17:50,216 --> 00:17:51,384
- That's so retro.
- 373
- 00:17:52,786 --> 00:17:54,285
- Hey, I just wanna say
- thank you
- 374
- 00:17:54,287 --> 00:17:55,787
- for putting me up
- and everything.
- 375
- 00:17:55,789 --> 00:17:57,455
- It's really, really cool.
- Thank you.
- 376
- 00:17:57,457 --> 00:17:58,623
- Of course.
- Not a problem.
- 377
- 00:17:58,625 --> 00:18:00,959
- But I do have to
- ask you a favor.
- 378
- 00:18:00,961 --> 00:18:03,795
- I'm organizing this
- fundraiser thing tonight,
- 379
- 00:18:03,797 --> 00:18:05,496
- and my girlfriend is
- not in town.
- 380
- 00:18:05,498 --> 00:18:06,933
- Can you help me
- set it up?
- 381
- 00:18:08,134 --> 00:18:10,335
- Oh, um, I...
- 382
- 00:18:10,337 --> 00:18:13,771
- You know, I gotta shave.
- I gotta wax and...
- 383
- 00:18:13,773 --> 00:18:15,141
- I should probably.
- 384
- 00:18:15,575 --> 00:18:16,843
- You wax?
- 385
- 00:18:18,111 --> 00:18:19,346
- You don't?
- 386
- 00:18:20,347 --> 00:18:21,713
- No.
- 387
- 00:18:21,715 --> 00:18:24,184
- Come everyone. Sit down.
- 388
- 00:18:26,453 --> 00:18:28,020
- Welcome, children.
- 389
- 00:18:28,022 --> 00:18:30,321
- Thank you for
- honoring yourself
- 390
- 00:18:30,323 --> 00:18:31,957
- by coming here tonight.
- 391
- 00:18:31,959 --> 00:18:36,063
- My name is Geronimo,
- but you can call me Smoky.
- 392
- 00:18:36,529 --> 00:18:37,898
- What is this, now?
- 393
- 00:18:38,398 --> 00:18:39,797
- The circle of truth.
- 394
- 00:18:39,799 --> 00:18:42,467
- Thank you for donating
- your time
- 395
- 00:18:42,469 --> 00:18:44,103
- and your material possessions
- 396
- 00:18:44,105 --> 00:18:46,506
- to our Topanga Cat Sanctuary.
- 397
- 00:18:47,374 --> 00:18:48,706
- Cat?
- 398
- 00:18:48,708 --> 00:18:49,877
- Stay open.
- 399
- 00:18:51,946 --> 00:18:54,612
- Now, I'd like to begin
- 400
- 00:18:54,614 --> 00:18:56,815
- by going around the circle
- 401
- 00:18:56,817 --> 00:19:00,151
- and stating one instance
- in which
- 402
- 00:19:00,153 --> 00:19:02,489
- you saw something
- you shouldn't have seen.
- 403
- 00:19:03,858 --> 00:19:06,526
- This one time,
- I saw my girlfriend
- 404
- 00:19:07,494 --> 00:19:08,961
- shoot up heroin,
- 405
- 00:19:08,963 --> 00:19:10,530
- and I didn't stop her.
- 406
- 00:19:11,666 --> 00:19:12,731
- Thank you.
- 407
- 00:19:12,733 --> 00:19:14,733
- Oh, no, no, no.
- I'm not doing this.
- 408
- 00:19:14,735 --> 00:19:16,602
- No, no, no.
- 409
- 00:19:16,604 --> 00:19:18,570
- Okay, look.
- This isn't for everybody.
- 410
- 00:19:18,572 --> 00:19:21,372
- All right? I don't need to sit
- in a circle to own my truth.
- 411
- 00:19:21,374 --> 00:19:22,440
- I own my truth already.
- 412
- 00:19:22,442 --> 00:19:25,445
- It's right in here,
- just giving me heartburn.
- 413
- 00:19:26,479 --> 00:19:28,179
- That's beautiful, Nina.
- 414
- 00:19:28,181 --> 00:19:32,019
- In my 20s, I got into a horrible
- argument with my mother.
- 415
- 00:19:33,054 --> 00:19:35,054
- I called her
- a worthless bitch.
- 416
- 00:19:35,056 --> 00:19:37,723
- She died the next day.
- 417
- 00:19:37,725 --> 00:19:39,558
- And I've never
- forgiven myself.
- 418
- 00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:41,794
- Thank you, Fred.
- 419
- 00:19:41,796 --> 00:19:45,064
- Um, but the exercise was
- 420
- 00:19:45,066 --> 00:19:48,169
- one thing you
- shouldn't have seen.
- 421
- 00:19:49,537 --> 00:19:50,969
- Oh.
- 422
- 00:19:50,971 --> 00:19:52,973
- I saw my father
- hit my mother.
- 423
- 00:19:56,944 --> 00:19:58,211
- Thank you.
- 424
- 00:20:06,153 --> 00:20:07,321
- No. No.
- 425
- 00:20:08,489 --> 00:20:10,424
- No fucking way. Sorry.
- 426
- 00:20:11,292 --> 00:20:12,524
- Nina...
- 427
- 00:20:12,526 --> 00:20:13,625
- Yeah...
- 428
- 00:20:13,627 --> 00:20:16,395
- Lake, some birds
- weren't meant to be caged,
- 429
- 00:20:16,397 --> 00:20:20,099
- but we should still thank them
- for their presence.
- 430
- 00:20:20,101 --> 00:20:22,067
- It just feels like
- people get off on it.
- 431
- 00:20:22,069 --> 00:20:24,470
- Sharing all this personal stuff
- and then just
- 432
- 00:20:24,472 --> 00:20:25,704
- moving on.
- 433
- 00:20:25,706 --> 00:20:27,608
- I'd love to see your stand-up.
- 434
- 00:20:28,809 --> 00:20:30,244
- Okay. Okay.
- 435
- 00:20:31,345 --> 00:20:32,212
- I hear you.
- 436
- 00:20:32,214 --> 00:20:34,448
- I'm truthful on stage,
- but I'm not...
- 437
- 00:20:37,485 --> 00:20:40,488
- I saw my father hit my mother,
- too, when I was a kid, Lake.
- 438
- 00:20:42,823 --> 00:20:44,226
- - I'm sorry.
- - Don't...
- 439
- 00:20:45,093 --> 00:20:46,692
- See? No, don't do that.
- 440
- 00:20:46,694 --> 00:20:48,594
- Don't feel sorry for me.
- 441
- 00:20:48,596 --> 00:20:50,130
- - Okay?
- - Okay, okay.
- 442
- 00:20:50,132 --> 00:20:52,466
- You just sound like you
- want to have control over...
- 443
- 00:20:53,667 --> 00:20:54,900
- ...everything.
- 444
- 00:20:54,902 --> 00:20:56,769
- Yeah, that's what art is.
- 445
- 00:20:56,771 --> 00:20:58,437
- You know, you create
- something so that
- 446
- 00:20:58,439 --> 00:21:01,442
- it has the effect that you
- want it to have on others.
- 447
- 00:21:03,511 --> 00:21:04,545
- Um...
- 448
- 00:21:05,780 --> 00:21:07,015
- No.
- 449
- 00:21:08,449 --> 00:21:10,917
- You can't control
- every reaction.
- 450
- 00:21:10,919 --> 00:21:13,318
- You don't know exactly
- how people feel.
- 451
- 00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:16,822
- No, I know if people are
- laughing, or if my joke bombed.
- 452
- 00:21:16,824 --> 00:21:18,490
- I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry to bother you.
- 453
- 00:21:18,492 --> 00:21:20,661
- It didn't bother me, okay?
- It didn't.
- 454
- 00:21:23,330 --> 00:21:24,630
- It made me sad.
- 455
- 00:21:24,632 --> 00:21:26,700
- Oh, it affected you.
- 456
- 00:21:31,338 --> 00:21:32,138
- What is it?
- 457
- 00:21:32,140 --> 00:21:34,774
- Cordyceps, reishi and maca.
- 458
- 00:21:34,776 --> 00:21:36,410
- Is it alive?
- 459
- 00:21:37,212 --> 00:21:39,344
- It's a super endocrine.
- 460
- 00:21:39,346 --> 00:21:40,280
- Want some?
- 461
- 00:21:40,282 --> 00:21:42,614
- You know you're still
- gonna die, right?
- 462
- 00:21:42,616 --> 00:21:44,186
- Try it.
- 463
- 00:21:47,555 --> 00:21:49,621
- What, what, what? What?
- 464
- 00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:53,460
- It's a mouse.
- 465
- 00:21:56,031 --> 00:21:58,066
- I have mouse-phobia.
- 466
- 00:22:00,001 --> 00:22:03,337
- If I move,
- will it kill me?
- 467
- 00:22:05,207 --> 00:22:06,172
- No.
- 468
- 00:22:06,174 --> 00:22:07,640
- It's just a tiny rodent.
- 469
- 00:22:07,642 --> 00:22:09,843
- - Don't make fun of me.
- - No, no, no. I'm not.
- 470
- 00:22:09,845 --> 00:22:12,245
- I respect phobias. Okay?
- 471
- 00:22:12,247 --> 00:22:13,713
- All right?
- Here's what I'm gonna do.
- 472
- 00:22:13,715 --> 00:22:15,548
- I'm gonna open the door,
- 473
- 00:22:15,550 --> 00:22:16,751
- gonna let the mouse out.
- 474
- 00:22:17,752 --> 00:22:19,120
- Come on.
- 475
- 00:22:25,026 --> 00:22:27,160
- It's gone.
- 476
- 00:22:27,162 --> 00:22:28,795
- I don't know what
- the fuck you're saying,
- 477
- 00:22:28,797 --> 00:22:30,830
- but I'm sensing
- your energy...
- 478
- 00:22:32,067 --> 00:22:34,202
- ...tells me you may have
- shit your pants.
- 479
- 00:22:35,437 --> 00:22:38,440
- Thank you so much for
- letting me stay here, Nina.
- 480
- 00:22:39,841 --> 00:22:41,142
- No problem.
- 481
- 00:22:44,045 --> 00:22:46,012
- Dating, dating, dating,
- 482
- 00:22:46,014 --> 00:22:47,280
- dating, dating...
- 483
- 00:22:47,282 --> 00:22:48,982
- Oh, my God.
- It's so boring.
- 484
- 00:22:48,984 --> 00:22:50,650
- It's such a boring thing
- to talk about.
- 485
- 00:22:50,652 --> 00:22:53,753
- Like, how many comics
- have forged careers
- 486
- 00:22:53,755 --> 00:22:55,121
- just talking about dating?
- 487
- 00:22:55,123 --> 00:22:56,756
- I guess that's what's
- expected of me,
- 488
- 00:22:56,758 --> 00:22:57,857
- like, as a girl comic.
- 489
- 00:22:57,859 --> 00:22:59,626
- You wanna hear about
- all the embarrassing stories.
- 490
- 00:22:59,628 --> 00:23:01,961
- Like that time I had
- spinach in my teeth,
- 491
- 00:23:01,963 --> 00:23:04,265
- or my dress got stuck
- in my underwear,
- 492
- 00:23:04,267 --> 00:23:05,865
- my tampon fell out
- mid-kiss,
- 493
- 00:23:05,867 --> 00:23:07,834
- or he was the Zodiac Killer.
- 494
- 00:23:07,836 --> 00:23:10,839
- And I had spinach in my teeth.
- Like, how embarrassing.
- 495
- 00:23:11,973 --> 00:23:13,608
- Let's get it out of the way.
- I don't date.
- 496
- 00:23:14,210 --> 00:23:15,441
- I don't. I fuck.
- 497
- 00:23:16,878 --> 00:23:18,245
- Because I don't get it.
- 498
- 00:23:18,247 --> 00:23:20,880
- I mean, this whole idea that
- you gotta go out to dinner,
- 499
- 00:23:20,882 --> 00:23:22,182
- and let a guy stare
- into your eyes
- 500
- 00:23:22,184 --> 00:23:23,683
- and ask you what
- your favorite color is.
- 501
- 00:23:23,685 --> 00:23:25,352
- For what?
- 502
- 00:23:25,354 --> 00:23:29,455
- If it works out, you're gonna have plenty
- of miserable fucking years to find out.
- 503
- 00:23:29,457 --> 00:23:30,823
- Right?
- 504
- 00:23:30,825 --> 00:23:32,926
- Here's what really matters.
- 505
- 00:23:32,928 --> 00:23:36,429
- What really matters is that
- the guy lights you on fire.
- 506
- 00:23:36,431 --> 00:23:39,268
- Like, look, when he
- walks into a room,
- 507
- 00:23:40,236 --> 00:23:42,338
- does he make your
- labia throb,
- 508
- 00:23:43,039 --> 00:23:45,372
- and your asshole tighten?
- 509
- 00:23:45,374 --> 00:23:47,374
- You know,
- do you feel it?
- 510
- 00:23:47,376 --> 00:23:50,413
- Does he know
- his way around?
- 511
- 00:23:51,613 --> 00:23:52,912
- Is what I'm saying.
- 512
- 00:23:52,914 --> 00:23:54,547
- 'Cause that's what's
- gonna matter.
- 513
- 00:23:54,549 --> 00:23:56,616
- Eight years down the line, when
- you've heard all his stupid jokes,
- 514
- 00:23:56,618 --> 00:23:57,884
- what's gonna matter
- 515
- 00:23:57,886 --> 00:23:59,119
- is if he can go down on you
- 516
- 00:23:59,121 --> 00:24:01,554
- and make you come
- before the kids wake up.
- 517
- 00:24:01,556 --> 00:24:03,790
- It's never really worked for
- me, the whole dating thing.
- 518
- 00:24:03,792 --> 00:24:05,059
- And I've tried.
- 519
- 00:24:05,061 --> 00:24:08,862
- Like, when I was younger there was
- the wine and paint instructor
- 520
- 00:24:08,864 --> 00:24:10,763
- who finger banged me
- to <i>Jackass,</i>
- 521
- 00:24:10,765 --> 00:24:12,335
- while his roommate slept.
- 522
- 00:24:13,668 --> 00:24:16,303
- Which was a really
- romantic evening.
- 523
- 00:24:16,305 --> 00:24:17,704
- But if he had trimmed
- his nails,
- 524
- 00:24:17,706 --> 00:24:20,240
- you know, maybe it would
- have lasted a little longer.
- 525
- 00:24:20,242 --> 00:24:22,475
- And another guy, he saved
- dolphins for a living
- 526
- 00:24:22,477 --> 00:24:25,179
- and he was just like a...
- a beautiful human being.
- 527
- 00:24:25,181 --> 00:24:28,648
- But he gagged when
- he smelled my pussy.
- 528
- 00:24:28,650 --> 00:24:29,515
- Actually gagged.
- 529
- 00:24:29,517 --> 00:24:31,854
- Like, you work with fish
- all fucking day.
- 530
- 00:24:32,822 --> 00:24:34,656
- Go fuck a dolphin,
- I'm out.
- 531
- 00:24:37,126 --> 00:24:39,026
- I went on a
- date recently with this guy
- 532
- 00:24:39,028 --> 00:24:40,961
- who right at
- the top of the date
- 533
- 00:24:40,963 --> 00:24:42,595
- he was like,
- "Jenny, you should know
- 534
- 00:24:42,597 --> 00:24:45,132
- I'm getting millions
- of bitcoins right now."
- 535
- 00:24:45,134 --> 00:24:49,036
- And it's like, you can just tell me
- you're gonna try to choke me in bed.
- 536
- 00:24:49,038 --> 00:24:51,240
- Be straightforward
- so I can...
- 537
- 00:24:58,214 --> 00:24:59,913
- Hey, can I get
- a Jack and ginger?
- 538
- 00:24:59,915 --> 00:25:01,949
- Uh, yeah.
- You're a comic, right?
- 539
- 00:25:01,951 --> 00:25:03,283
- - Yeah.
- - Yeah, cool.
- 540
- 00:25:03,285 --> 00:25:05,853
- So, actually we don't give
- free liquor to the comics.
- 541
- 00:25:05,855 --> 00:25:06,854
- We just do beers.
- 542
- 00:25:06,856 --> 00:25:08,122
- That's kind of shitty, right?
- 543
- 00:25:08,124 --> 00:25:10,224
- I'm not actually a bartender.
- 544
- 00:25:10,226 --> 00:25:11,392
- I'm an improv actor.
- 545
- 00:25:11,394 --> 00:25:12,993
- So, did you miss
- your improv set
- 546
- 00:25:12,995 --> 00:25:14,828
- with Bob Saget
- and Dave Coulier?
- 547
- 00:25:14,830 --> 00:25:15,996
- Is that supposed to be funny?
- 548
- 00:25:15,998 --> 00:25:18,032
- It's actually making me kind
- of horny how funny you are.
- 549
- 00:25:18,034 --> 00:25:19,501
- Fuck off, dude.
- 550
- 00:25:19,503 --> 00:25:21,268
- All right. You can put your
- claws away there, Wolverine.
- 551
- 00:25:21,270 --> 00:25:23,037
- I'm tired, I'm new here.
- 552
- 00:25:23,039 --> 00:25:24,406
- Would you just
- give me a fucking break
- 553
- 00:25:24,408 --> 00:25:26,240
- and let me pay for
- a fucking drink?
- 554
- 00:25:26,242 --> 00:25:27,808
- It's just like
- you're really aggressive.
- 555
- 00:25:27,810 --> 00:25:29,176
- I'm a little acerbic.
- 556
- 00:25:29,178 --> 00:25:30,677
- I'll get you a drink.
- I'll get you a drink.
- 557
- 00:25:30,679 --> 00:25:31,779
- Yes, sir.
- 558
- 00:25:31,781 --> 00:25:32,713
- What are you having?
- 559
- 00:25:32,715 --> 00:25:34,451
- Oh, now that he comes up
- you're gonna get...
- 560
- 00:25:34,950 --> 00:25:36,319
- What would you like?
- 561
- 00:25:37,387 --> 00:25:38,721
- What do you want?
- 562
- 00:25:40,156 --> 00:25:42,790
- Um, I'm trying to get
- a Jack and ginger.
- 563
- 00:25:42,792 --> 00:25:44,958
- Can we have
- a Jack and ginger, please?
- 564
- 00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:46,294
- Absolutely.
- 565
- 00:25:46,296 --> 00:25:47,895
- Thank you.
- Thank you so much.
- 566
- 00:25:47,897 --> 00:25:49,997
- Yeah, of course,
- it's a sexist thing, right?
- 567
- 00:25:49,999 --> 00:25:51,266
- Yeah.
- 568
- 00:25:51,268 --> 00:25:53,000
- - Enjoy.
- - Thanks.
- 569
- 00:25:53,002 --> 00:25:54,469
- Relax, man.
- 570
- 00:25:54,471 --> 00:25:55,636
- Cheers.
- 571
- 00:25:55,638 --> 00:25:57,638
- - Hi.
- - Hi.
- 572
- 00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:01,141
- So, um, you're not working,
- are you?
- 573
- 00:26:01,143 --> 00:26:02,976
- You mean, like a cop?
- 574
- 00:26:02,978 --> 00:26:04,678
- I hope not, Jesus.
- 575
- 00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:07,148
- No, I mean like a comic.
- You don't have that vibe.
- 576
- 00:26:07,150 --> 00:26:08,849
- Oh. What vibe is that?
- 577
- 00:26:08,851 --> 00:26:11,186
- Mmm. Desperate?
- 578
- 00:26:11,188 --> 00:26:13,354
- And usually pudgy.
- 579
- 00:26:13,356 --> 00:26:15,123
- You're hot.
- 580
- 00:26:15,125 --> 00:26:16,957
- Extremely rare for a comic.
- 581
- 00:26:16,959 --> 00:26:19,893
- So what? You just hang out in clubs and
- pick up comedians? Is that what you do?
- 582
- 00:26:19,895 --> 00:26:22,830
- Actually this is the first time
- I've ever been to a comedy club.
- 583
- 00:26:22,832 --> 00:26:24,232
- It's cool.
- Really cool.
- 584
- 00:26:24,234 --> 00:26:25,366
- And you were...
- You were great.
- 585
- 00:26:25,368 --> 00:26:26,667
- No.
- 586
- 00:26:26,669 --> 00:26:28,802
- I'm not gonna fuck you,
- okay? I'm not.
- 587
- 00:26:28,804 --> 00:26:31,072
- I'm sorry. I realize it's
- a mixed message,
- 588
- 00:26:31,074 --> 00:26:33,009
- 'cause I was just complimenting
- you, but, like...
- 589
- 00:26:33,843 --> 00:26:34,942
- It's not what I do.
- 590
- 00:26:34,944 --> 00:26:37,312
- I mean, guys come up to me
- all the time after sets,
- 591
- 00:26:37,314 --> 00:26:39,780
- 'cause I'm frank
- and I talk about sex.
- 592
- 00:26:39,782 --> 00:26:42,183
- And it's easy to think
- I'm into casual sex,
- 593
- 00:26:42,185 --> 00:26:44,419
- or a freak in bed or whatever,
- but I'm not.
- 594
- 00:26:44,421 --> 00:26:45,520
- Not the casual sex part.
- 595
- 00:26:45,522 --> 00:26:47,855
- Like, I can be freaky...
- 596
- 00:26:47,857 --> 00:26:49,723
- - Yeah.
- - Whatever. I'm just telling...
- 597
- 00:26:49,725 --> 00:26:52,759
- - I'm putting it out there.
- - You know, you sound like you do on stage.
- 598
- 00:26:52,761 --> 00:26:55,130
- Either you're not being
- honest up there,
- 599
- 00:26:55,132 --> 00:26:57,165
- or you're not
- being honest now.
- 600
- 00:26:57,167 --> 00:27:00,734
- But you are freaky
- sometimes.
- 601
- 00:27:00,736 --> 00:27:04,040
- So what's the truth?
- Like, what's the real you?
- 602
- 00:27:05,976 --> 00:27:07,043
- I'm...
- 603
- 00:27:08,178 --> 00:27:09,613
- I'm confused.
- 604
- 00:27:11,114 --> 00:27:13,583
- Tell you what. We can
- figure it out over dinner.
- 605
- 00:27:15,252 --> 00:27:16,551
- Great.
- 606
- 00:27:16,553 --> 00:27:17,651
- You still don't believe me.
- 607
- 00:27:17,653 --> 00:27:19,320
- You don't be...
- I'm telling you.
- 608
- 00:27:19,322 --> 00:27:21,956
- I do. I'm asking you to
- dinner, not fucking.
- 609
- 00:27:21,958 --> 00:27:23,625
- So, what? You're telling me
- you're one of those people
- 610
- 00:27:23,627 --> 00:27:25,860
- that has to like somebody
- before you sleep with them?
- 611
- 00:27:25,862 --> 00:27:26,828
- Is that it?
- 612
- 00:27:26,830 --> 00:27:29,063
- I mean, I have to like
- something about someone.
- 613
- 00:27:29,065 --> 00:27:30,832
- Something... like ass?
- 614
- 00:27:30,834 --> 00:27:32,233
- I mean, ass is good.
- 615
- 00:27:32,235 --> 00:27:33,568
- Nothing the matter
- with the ass.
- 616
- 00:27:33,570 --> 00:27:36,104
- But I mean, you have to have
- more than that, you know.
- 617
- 00:27:36,106 --> 00:27:39,174
- But I'm saying, let's just
- take it one step at a time.
- 618
- 00:27:39,176 --> 00:27:41,309
- Have a drink, talk.
- 619
- 00:27:41,311 --> 00:27:43,480
- Hi, I'm Rafe.
- 620
- 00:27:46,816 --> 00:27:49,350
- And I'll have some wine
- brought over, on the house.
- 621
- 00:27:49,352 --> 00:27:50,921
- - Appreciate that.
- - Enjoy.
- 622
- 00:27:51,788 --> 00:27:53,288
- Impressive.
- 623
- 00:27:53,290 --> 00:27:54,856
- Not what you expected?
- 624
- 00:27:54,858 --> 00:27:57,325
- Well, I admit, most guys who
- come up to me after a show
- 625
- 00:27:57,327 --> 00:28:00,261
- just offer to buy me
- a slice, so...
- 626
- 00:28:00,263 --> 00:28:02,567
- Ah, now, you deserve
- better than that.
- 627
- 00:28:04,401 --> 00:28:05,568
- Okay, who are you?
- 628
- 00:28:05,570 --> 00:28:07,769
- Am I supposed to know?
- Are you some sort of...
- 629
- 00:28:07,771 --> 00:28:10,338
- Are you like a motivational
- speaker or something?
- 630
- 00:28:10,340 --> 00:28:12,006
- I'm a contractor.
- 631
- 00:28:12,008 --> 00:28:13,611
- I'm no longer married.
- 632
- 00:28:14,445 --> 00:28:16,614
- I was, but she
- broke my heart.
- 633
- 00:28:17,314 --> 00:28:18,549
- But I'm over it.
- 634
- 00:28:20,518 --> 00:28:22,917
- - What's your last name?
- - Hines.
- 635
- 00:28:22,919 --> 00:28:25,722
- What? Yeah, you wanna make
- sure I don't have a record.
- 636
- 00:28:26,189 --> 00:28:28,122
- Yeah. Yeah.
- 637
- 00:28:28,124 --> 00:28:29,358
- But I do that with every guy.
- 638
- 00:28:29,360 --> 00:28:30,927
- - It's not...
- - Oh, hundreds of us?
- 639
- 00:28:31,194 --> 00:28:32,461
- God.
- 640
- 00:28:32,463 --> 00:28:34,632
- Well, this is
- going well already.
- 641
- 00:28:36,567 --> 00:28:39,169
- - You nervous?
- - A little bit, yeah.
- 642
- 00:28:40,136 --> 00:28:41,171
- Why?
- 643
- 00:28:43,974 --> 00:28:47,443
- The last time I liked a guy,
- I turned out to be really wrong.
- 644
- 00:28:47,445 --> 00:28:49,180
- Well, how long ago
- was that?
- 645
- 00:28:50,780 --> 00:28:51,948
- Three weeks.
- 646
- 00:28:52,882 --> 00:28:53,982
- Oh.
- 647
- 00:28:53,984 --> 00:28:56,420
- I get it. I'm not special.
- 648
- 00:28:57,255 --> 00:28:58,554
- It's okay. I can handle it.
- 649
- 00:28:58,556 --> 00:29:00,322
- I knew
- I wasn't that special
- 650
- 00:29:00,324 --> 00:29:02,426
- the day my dad
- walked out on me.
- 651
- 00:29:03,294 --> 00:29:04,959
- Is that a joke, or...
- 652
- 00:29:04,961 --> 00:29:07,463
- No, I'm just reassuring you
- that I already know
- 653
- 00:29:07,465 --> 00:29:08,863
- that I'm not special.
- 654
- 00:29:08,865 --> 00:29:11,133
- What is... Have I entered
- another dimension?
- 655
- 00:29:11,135 --> 00:29:12,334
- Is this how guys in LA are?
- 656
- 00:29:12,336 --> 00:29:15,072
- No, I'm just trying to be honest.
- We're being honest.
- 657
- 00:29:15,905 --> 00:29:17,673
- I don't think you're
- really over her.
- 658
- 00:29:17,675 --> 00:29:19,441
- You're too quick to
- say you're over her.
- 659
- 00:29:19,443 --> 00:29:20,711
- No, I am.
- 660
- 00:29:29,253 --> 00:29:30,352
- Ah!
- 661
- 00:29:30,354 --> 00:29:31,453
- You at home now, huh?
- 662
- 00:29:31,455 --> 00:29:33,055
- I'm feeling
- a little bit better.
- 663
- 00:29:33,057 --> 00:29:34,223
- Yeah, yeah, I see.
- 664
- 00:29:34,225 --> 00:29:35,491
- I think we need
- some water.
- 665
- 00:29:35,493 --> 00:29:37,259
- What, am I acting
- drunk already?
- 666
- 00:29:37,261 --> 00:29:39,328
- No, you're holding
- your liquor well.
- 667
- 00:29:39,330 --> 00:29:40,797
- We need some water.
- 668
- 00:29:41,999 --> 00:29:42,967
- Okay.
- 669
- 00:29:43,701 --> 00:29:45,036
- I'm gonna get that table.
- 670
- 00:29:45,436 --> 00:29:47,102
- You do that.
- 671
- 00:29:47,104 --> 00:29:49,838
- Get that. Yes, get that.
- 672
- 00:29:49,840 --> 00:29:51,507
- Get that.
- 673
- 00:29:51,509 --> 00:29:53,044
- Can we have some
- water, please?
- 674
- 00:29:56,847 --> 00:29:58,947
- Can you start a tab for me?
- 675
- 00:29:58,949 --> 00:30:00,051
- Thanks.
- 676
- 00:30:13,597 --> 00:30:15,066
- Thanks. Hmm.
- 677
- 00:30:16,567 --> 00:30:19,236
- Girls I know don't have
- the balls to talk like you.
- 678
- 00:30:20,404 --> 00:30:22,106
- Let alone on stage.
- 679
- 00:30:23,240 --> 00:30:24,741
- I like that.
- 680
- 00:30:24,743 --> 00:30:28,611
- I mean, it's scary, but
- you're not familiar to me.
- 681
- 00:30:28,613 --> 00:30:30,412
- I can't tell if
- that's good or bad.
- 682
- 00:30:30,414 --> 00:30:31,683
- It's good.
- 683
- 00:30:32,883 --> 00:30:34,483
- What were the other
- girls like?
- 684
- 00:30:34,485 --> 00:30:37,252
- Ah, they were clingers.
- 685
- 00:30:37,254 --> 00:30:38,320
- Tight, yeah.
- 686
- 00:30:38,322 --> 00:30:39,321
- - Tight?
- - Tight.
- 687
- 00:30:39,323 --> 00:30:40,557
- Oh, that's good.
- 688
- 00:30:40,559 --> 00:30:44,360
- I mean, in certain instances,
- yeah, it's good.
- 689
- 00:30:44,362 --> 00:30:47,396
- You know, you have sex with them
- and they move in the next day.
- 690
- 00:30:47,398 --> 00:30:49,064
- Is that good or bad?
- 691
- 00:30:49,066 --> 00:30:50,199
- Bad.
- 692
- 00:30:50,201 --> 00:30:51,536
- - Bad?
- - Yeah.
- 693
- 00:30:52,236 --> 00:30:53,503
- We don't like that.
- 694
- 00:30:53,505 --> 00:30:56,608
- No. Moving in
- the next day?
- 695
- 00:30:57,274 --> 00:30:58,541
- That's bad.
- 696
- 00:30:58,543 --> 00:31:00,844
- So, is this it for you?
- 697
- 00:31:00,846 --> 00:31:05,314
- Like stand-up,
- single...
- 698
- 00:31:05,316 --> 00:31:09,118
- Do you wanna get married or
- have children, or any of that?
- 699
- 00:31:09,120 --> 00:31:10,320
- Um...
- 700
- 00:31:10,322 --> 00:31:13,456
- I mean, stand-up is
- tough to sustain, you know.
- 701
- 00:31:13,458 --> 00:31:17,594
- But a big part of me wants to
- be 80 and still going on stage.
- 702
- 00:31:17,596 --> 00:31:19,662
- No pants on, just like,
- 703
- 00:31:19,664 --> 00:31:21,598
- "How is everybody
- doing tonight?"
- 704
- 00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:24,199
- Dentures fall out,
- I don't even care.
- 705
- 00:31:24,201 --> 00:31:25,735
- - I love that.
- - Yeah?
- 706
- 00:31:25,737 --> 00:31:27,504
- But, yeah.
- No, I want kids.
- 707
- 00:31:27,506 --> 00:31:29,708
- I want my own show.
- I want...
- 708
- 00:31:30,709 --> 00:31:33,410
- ...a husband who goes
- down on me regularly.
- 709
- 00:31:33,412 --> 00:31:34,912
- I guess that's too much...
- 710
- 00:31:40,752 --> 00:31:42,287
- What's up?
- 711
- 00:31:45,457 --> 00:31:46,991
- Yo, what...
- 712
- 00:31:48,427 --> 00:31:50,095
- - What's up, Ganja?
- - Hi.
- 713
- 00:31:50,928 --> 00:31:52,362
- How you... How you doing?
- 714
- 00:31:52,364 --> 00:31:54,531
- It's a long time.
- 715
- 00:31:54,533 --> 00:31:56,266
- I was, um... We...
- 716
- 00:31:56,268 --> 00:31:57,369
- Dope.
- 717
- 00:31:58,136 --> 00:32:00,069
- Hi. I'm Ganja.
- 718
- 00:32:00,071 --> 00:32:01,072
- Hi. Nina.
- 719
- 00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:02,374
- Hi.
- 720
- 00:32:03,842 --> 00:32:05,675
- It was...
- It was good seeing you.
- 721
- 00:32:05,677 --> 00:32:07,277
- No, no, no.
- Wait a minute.
- 722
- 00:32:07,279 --> 00:32:08,611
- As far as I'm concerned,
- 723
- 00:32:08,613 --> 00:32:10,213
- there's still something
- going on between us.
- 724
- 00:32:10,215 --> 00:32:11,514
- You know what?
- I'm gonna let you two talk.
- 725
- 00:32:11,516 --> 00:32:13,316
- No, no. You should hear this.
- 726
- 00:32:13,318 --> 00:32:14,250
- Woman to woman.
- 727
- 00:32:14,252 --> 00:32:17,253
- Well, you know what?
- I guess was thinking...
- 728
- 00:32:17,255 --> 00:32:18,555
- I was thinking that...
- 729
- 00:32:18,557 --> 00:32:22,025
- I don't actually think there's
- anything going on between us.
- 730
- 00:32:22,027 --> 00:32:23,793
- Oh, really?
- 731
- 00:32:23,795 --> 00:32:25,662
- Was there something
- going on between us
- 732
- 00:32:25,664 --> 00:32:28,400
- when I was riding you
- for 48 hours?
- 733
- 00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:29,966
- Was there?
- 734
- 00:32:29,968 --> 00:32:31,668
- Yeah, that's what I thought.
- 735
- 00:32:31,670 --> 00:32:32,903
- I called you.
- 736
- 00:32:32,905 --> 00:32:34,637
- I called you and I called you.
- 737
- 00:32:34,639 --> 00:32:36,306
- I was worried.
- 738
- 00:32:36,308 --> 00:32:38,174
- I thought he was dead.
- 739
- 00:32:38,176 --> 00:32:40,643
- Is it me?
- You said you liked my thighs.
- 740
- 00:32:40,645 --> 00:32:42,145
- Did you hate my thighs?
- 741
- 00:32:42,147 --> 00:32:43,881
- It was all in my head.
- 742
- 00:32:43,883 --> 00:32:47,650
- But, no. Now I know
- you're a fucking ghoster.
- 743
- 00:32:47,652 --> 00:32:50,923
- Look, let me say this.
- You're right.
- 744
- 00:32:51,556 --> 00:32:52,890
- I'm sorry.
- 745
- 00:32:52,892 --> 00:32:57,460
- I turned down a date with
- Joaquin Phoenix for you.
- 746
- 00:32:57,462 --> 00:32:58,796
- I should have called you.
- 747
- 00:32:58,798 --> 00:33:00,630
- I apologize.
- It's my fault.
- 748
- 00:33:00,632 --> 00:33:01,832
- Whatever, dude.
- 749
- 00:33:01,834 --> 00:33:04,670
- You're old.
- You should know better.
- 750
- 00:33:05,270 --> 00:33:06,837
- And now you know.
- 751
- 00:33:06,839 --> 00:33:09,675
- When it's over,
- he'll ghost you.
- 752
- 00:33:11,409 --> 00:33:13,779
- - Listen, I...
- - Such finality.
- 753
- 00:33:14,981 --> 00:33:16,816
- You know who's not
- a ghoster?
- 754
- 00:33:17,817 --> 00:33:19,284
- Joaquin Phoenix.
- 755
- 00:33:20,452 --> 00:33:22,252
- He's a good actor.
- 756
- 00:33:22,254 --> 00:33:23,890
- - Wow.
- - Hi.
- 757
- 00:33:24,590 --> 00:33:25,758
- Joaquin?
- 758
- 00:33:26,324 --> 00:33:27,725
- Yes. Ganja.
- 759
- 00:33:27,727 --> 00:33:28,792
- You know, it's, um...
- 760
- 00:33:28,794 --> 00:33:30,159
- It's not every day
- you get to witness
- 761
- 00:33:30,161 --> 00:33:33,229
- the beginning and the end
- of a relationship in one night.
- 762
- 00:33:33,231 --> 00:33:36,099
- Come on. Look, she wanted
- to have a baby with me
- 763
- 00:33:36,101 --> 00:33:37,735
- - on the second date.
- - Mmm.
- 764
- 00:33:37,737 --> 00:33:39,570
- Like make the child
- that night.
- 765
- 00:33:39,572 --> 00:33:42,873
- Was that before or after
- you were all up in her thighs?
- 766
- 00:33:42,875 --> 00:33:44,975
- - Well...
- - Come on, man.
- 767
- 00:33:44,977 --> 00:33:46,977
- This is the first night,
- and I get this shit?
- 768
- 00:33:46,979 --> 00:33:49,413
- Like, how many Ganjas
- are there?
- 769
- 00:33:49,415 --> 00:33:51,017
- Or did you ghost
- your wife, too?
- 770
- 00:33:53,051 --> 00:33:54,117
- Oh, shit.
- 771
- 00:33:54,119 --> 00:33:55,021
- Shit!
- 772
- 00:33:55,488 --> 00:33:58,288
- Nina. Look, Nina.
- 773
- 00:33:58,290 --> 00:34:01,961
- Seriously. I know this is the type of
- thing they warn you about on <i>Jezebel.</i>
- 774
- 00:34:02,628 --> 00:34:04,193
- But I promise,
- 775
- 00:34:04,195 --> 00:34:06,966
- I won't do this to you.
- I promise.
- 776
- 00:34:08,501 --> 00:34:09,769
- And if you do?
- 777
- 00:34:36,495 --> 00:34:41,465
- <i>I go to work and I can
- hear people talking about me.</i>
- 778
- 00:34:41,467 --> 00:34:44,268
- <i>Talking about the smell.</i>
- 779
- 00:34:44,270 --> 00:34:46,537
- <i>In the beginning they would
- wonder where it came from,</i>
- 780
- 00:34:46,539 --> 00:34:49,640
- <i>and couldn't possibly imagine
- that it was a human smell.</i>
- 781
- 00:34:52,545 --> 00:34:54,880
- <i>But it was me.
- It was my smell.</i>
- 782
- 00:34:58,684 --> 00:34:59,683
- Hello?
- 783
- 00:34:59,685 --> 00:35:01,318
- Hey, Nina. It's Carrie.
- Good news.
- 784
- 00:35:01,320 --> 00:35:03,354
- You got the audition
- for <i>Comedy Prime.</i>
- 785
- 00:35:03,356 --> 00:35:04,588
- Really?
- 786
- 00:35:04,590 --> 00:35:05,823
- I get to audition?
- 787
- 00:35:05,825 --> 00:35:07,092
- Mmm-hmm. Yeah.
- 788
- 00:35:07,094 --> 00:35:08,659
- Yeah, you do.
- But, listen.
- 789
- 00:35:08,661 --> 00:35:10,095
- Don't be mad.
- 790
- 00:35:10,097 --> 00:35:11,428
- <i>What?</i>
- 791
- 00:35:11,430 --> 00:35:13,297
- They're changing things up
- over at <i>Comedy Prime,</i>
- 792
- 00:35:13,299 --> 00:35:14,933
- so it's not just you
- that's auditioning.
- 793
- 00:35:14,935 --> 00:35:16,667
- What do you mean?
- 794
- 00:35:16,669 --> 00:35:19,503
- <i>There's gonna be a lot of other
- comedians who are auditioning, too.</i>
- 795
- 00:35:19,505 --> 00:35:20,771
- What, like a bake-off?
- 796
- 00:35:20,773 --> 00:35:23,440
- Mmm-hmm. Exactly.
- Like a female bake-off.
- 797
- 00:35:23,442 --> 00:35:25,242
- Oh, like a fake-off.
- 798
- 00:35:25,244 --> 00:35:26,744
- They know it's
- a sausage fest over there,
- 799
- 00:35:26,746 --> 00:35:30,481
- so they're gonna give one lucky
- lady their own one hour special.
- 800
- 00:35:30,483 --> 00:35:33,417
- That's great. I love being
- judged on my gender.
- 801
- 00:35:33,419 --> 00:35:35,086
- <i>Do we really wanna do that?
- I mean...</i>
- 802
- 00:35:35,088 --> 00:35:36,721
- Are they pitting us
- against each other?
- 803
- 00:35:36,723 --> 00:35:37,822
- That's not cool, right?
- 804
- 00:35:37,824 --> 00:35:39,924
- Yeah, it's really gross.
- And I don't care.
- 805
- 00:35:39,926 --> 00:35:41,026
- Isn't this what
- you've always wanted?
- 806
- 00:35:41,028 --> 00:35:42,660
- I mean, I can give it
- to someone else.
- 807
- 00:35:42,662 --> 00:35:44,662
- <i>Three impersonations.
- Got it?</i>
- 808
- 00:35:44,664 --> 00:35:46,330
- You know,
- I gotta go.
- 809
- 00:35:46,332 --> 00:35:47,901
- <i>I'll talk to you later.
- Goodbye.</i>
- 810
- 00:36:01,347 --> 00:36:03,048
- Okay.
- 811
- 00:36:03,050 --> 00:36:04,783
- This is Cher
- talking to you right now,
- 812
- 00:36:04,785 --> 00:36:06,551
- and I want you to know
- that I believe in you.
- 813
- 00:36:06,553 --> 00:36:07,919
- Is Cher southern?
- 814
- 00:36:07,921 --> 00:36:09,654
- Am I turning Cher southern?
- 815
- 00:36:09,656 --> 00:36:11,823
- I believe in you, Nina.
- Oh, shit.
- 816
- 00:36:11,825 --> 00:36:15,128
- Brendan Fraser at the Oscars
- a few years ago.
- 817
- 00:36:16,830 --> 00:36:19,263
- <i>♪ Eddie Vedder
- From Pearl Jam ♪</i>
- 818
- 00:36:19,265 --> 00:36:22,033
- <i>♪ Eddie Vedder
- Sings like this ♪</i>
- 819
- 00:36:22,035 --> 00:36:25,003
- <i>♪ Or Scott Stapp
- From Creed ♪</i>
- 820
- 00:36:25,005 --> 00:36:26,471
- <i>♪ Sings like this</i>
- 821
- 00:36:26,473 --> 00:36:29,409
- <i>♪ It's the same voice
- Basically ♪</i>
- 822
- 00:36:31,377 --> 00:36:32,913
- Nina... Nina!
- 823
- 00:36:33,780 --> 00:36:36,315
- You got a great ass!
- 824
- 00:36:36,683 --> 00:36:37,617
- Sia.
- 825
- 00:36:38,452 --> 00:36:39,617
- Hello?
- 826
- 00:36:39,619 --> 00:36:41,920
- <i>♪ I'm so happy all the time
- I'm Shakira ♪</i>
- 827
- 00:36:41,922 --> 00:36:43,521
- <i>♪ Shakira</i>
- 828
- 00:36:43,523 --> 00:36:47,060
- Nina...
- Nina, this is Celine Dion.
- 829
- 00:36:48,028 --> 00:36:50,028
- I love you very much., Nina.
- 830
- 00:36:50,030 --> 00:36:52,797
- <i>♪ I love you</i>
- 831
- 00:36:52,799 --> 00:36:56,167
- <i>♪ I love you</i>
- 832
- 00:36:56,169 --> 00:36:58,269
- <i>♪ Nina, I love you</i>
- 833
- 00:36:58,271 --> 00:37:03,110
- <i>♪ I'm Celine Dion
- And I love you ♪</i>
- 834
- 00:37:06,980 --> 00:37:08,446
- I'm Celine Dion.
- 835
- 00:37:08,448 --> 00:37:09,516
- You can do it.
- 836
- 00:37:15,355 --> 00:37:16,423
- Hey, what's up?
- 837
- 00:37:17,424 --> 00:37:19,891
- Hey, I'm starting to feel
- like I'm getting into
- 838
- 00:37:19,893 --> 00:37:21,659
- stalker territory,
- 839
- 00:37:21,661 --> 00:37:23,597
- and I don't like that, so...
- 840
- 00:37:24,464 --> 00:37:27,166
- I just didn't want you
- to think that...
- 841
- 00:37:27,168 --> 00:37:30,502
- that I ghosted my wife,
- 'cause I didn't.
- 842
- 00:37:30,504 --> 00:37:34,307
- She actually, uh, left me
- for one of my friends.
- 843
- 00:37:35,143 --> 00:37:36,841
- Then I ghosted her.
- 844
- 00:37:36,843 --> 00:37:39,011
- I mean, what else
- could I do then?
- 845
- 00:37:39,013 --> 00:37:41,579
- <i>Anyway, I know this is
- a lot of information.</i>
- 846
- 00:37:41,581 --> 00:37:42,714
- <i>I would love to see you.</i>
- 847
- 00:37:42,716 --> 00:37:44,582
- <i>I want you to come by
- if you would like to,</i>
- 848
- 00:37:44,584 --> 00:37:47,320
- <i>and we can hang out
- and I'll make you dinner.</i>
- 849
- 00:37:48,421 --> 00:37:51,125
- <i>Hope things are well.
- Talk soon.</i>
- 850
- 00:37:51,625 --> 00:37:52,626
- <i>Bye bye.</i>
- 851
- 00:38:02,036 --> 00:38:04,569
- - Hey.
- - Can I help you?
- 852
- 00:38:04,571 --> 00:38:06,805
- Oh, very funny.
- 853
- 00:38:06,807 --> 00:38:08,174
- I was just kidding.
- Just kidding.
- 854
- 00:38:08,176 --> 00:38:10,375
- I brought this, 'cause I know
- you like red wine, so...
- 855
- 00:38:10,377 --> 00:38:13,214
- That's really nice of you.
- Come on in.
- 856
- 00:38:14,282 --> 00:38:15,080
- Welcome.
- 857
- 00:38:15,082 --> 00:38:16,514
- So this is a nice house.
- 858
- 00:38:16,516 --> 00:38:18,117
- It's not really what
- I was expecting
- 859
- 00:38:18,119 --> 00:38:19,885
- when you said you were
- a contractor.
- 860
- 00:38:19,887 --> 00:38:22,687
- I've been here for, like,
- over 15 years.
- 861
- 00:38:22,689 --> 00:38:24,056
- You were in the Marines?
- 862
- 00:38:24,058 --> 00:38:25,690
- Semper Fi, baby.
- 863
- 00:38:25,692 --> 00:38:27,893
- Don't worry.
- I'm anti-war now.
- 864
- 00:38:27,895 --> 00:38:29,297
- Oh, God. That's a relief.
- 865
- 00:38:32,066 --> 00:38:35,167
- So, sobriety chip
- and a full bar. Wow.
- 866
- 00:38:35,169 --> 00:38:37,837
- I see I'm on
- the hot seat already.
- 867
- 00:38:37,839 --> 00:38:40,572
- Oh, yeah. You've been on the hot
- seat ever since I found out
- 868
- 00:38:40,574 --> 00:38:45,110
- you dated a Euro trash model half
- your age whose name is weed.
- 869
- 00:38:45,112 --> 00:38:46,745
- But you're still here.
- 870
- 00:38:46,747 --> 00:38:49,116
- God, I must be more
- fucked up than I realized.
- 871
- 00:38:49,416 --> 00:38:50,383
- Cheers.
- 872
- 00:38:53,020 --> 00:38:54,587
- So, this is what you do,
- I guess, huh?
- 873
- 00:38:54,589 --> 00:38:58,226
- You just charm women
- into your beautiful lair.
- 874
- 00:39:00,695 --> 00:39:01,727
- - Uh...
- - Oh, yeah.
- 875
- 00:39:01,729 --> 00:39:03,562
- Yeah, no. I can still
- smell her pussy juice.
- 876
- 00:39:03,564 --> 00:39:05,264
- Oh, my... Okay.
- 877
- 00:39:05,266 --> 00:39:06,799
- Oh, come on.
- Let's do it.
- 878
- 00:39:06,801 --> 00:39:09,602
- Look, you know what? Have a seat.
- Let's get at it, 'cause...
- 879
- 00:39:09,604 --> 00:39:10,669
- What, already?
- 880
- 00:39:10,671 --> 00:39:13,608
- Yeah. Well, I mean,
- clearly it's bothering you.
- 881
- 00:39:14,976 --> 00:39:18,844
- I mean, you said
- we're not gonna fuck.
- 882
- 00:39:18,846 --> 00:39:22,181
- So let's just get drunk,
- talk it out,
- 883
- 00:39:22,183 --> 00:39:23,684
- and have a good time.
- 884
- 00:39:24,585 --> 00:39:27,219
- Wow. What a guy.
- Okay.
- 885
- 00:39:27,221 --> 00:39:29,690
- Okay, Ganja. You're always
- talking about Ganja.
- 886
- 00:39:31,092 --> 00:39:32,491
- First of all,
- she's not a model.
- 887
- 00:39:32,493 --> 00:39:33,893
- Oh, well,
- that changes everything.
- 888
- 00:39:33,895 --> 00:39:35,561
- She does have
- amazing thighs.
- 889
- 00:39:35,563 --> 00:39:37,029
- What the fuck?
- 890
- 00:39:37,031 --> 00:39:39,431
- Not even those amazing thighs are
- worth her blabbering fucking mouth.
- 891
- 00:39:39,433 --> 00:39:40,866
- Do you like my thighs,
- 892
- 00:39:40,868 --> 00:39:42,134
- or do you hate my thighs?
- 893
- 00:39:42,136 --> 00:39:44,304
- I know I might
- sound sexist.
- 894
- 00:39:44,306 --> 00:39:46,972
- I'm not saying I want
- my women pretty and quiet.
- 895
- 00:39:46,974 --> 00:39:47,973
- You're here.
- 896
- 00:39:47,975 --> 00:39:49,708
- - Wow.
- - So...
- 897
- 00:39:49,710 --> 00:39:51,543
- That didn't sound right.
- Okay.
- 898
- 00:39:51,545 --> 00:39:52,713
- You are amazing.
- 899
- 00:39:53,447 --> 00:39:55,215
- You know it.
- 900
- 00:39:55,217 --> 00:39:57,386
- But I'm just telling you
- the truth about Ganja.
- 901
- 00:39:58,353 --> 00:40:00,552
- I'm a 40-year-old man.
- 902
- 00:40:00,554 --> 00:40:03,123
- I shouldn't be
- with 20-year-olds.
- 903
- 00:40:03,125 --> 00:40:04,659
- I know that.
- 904
- 00:40:05,726 --> 00:40:06,694
- Now.
- 905
- 00:40:08,196 --> 00:40:09,730
- What? What are you thinking?
- 906
- 00:40:11,099 --> 00:40:13,868
- A big part of me
- just wants to leave.
- 907
- 00:40:14,769 --> 00:40:16,369
- Okay?
- 908
- 00:40:16,371 --> 00:40:18,271
- But I also kind of
- can't stop staring.
- 909
- 00:40:18,273 --> 00:40:19,505
- Like a car crash.
- 910
- 00:40:19,507 --> 00:40:21,642
- Yeah. Yeah, like a car crash.
- 911
- 00:40:23,278 --> 00:40:25,412
- - Is it Ganja?
- - No.
- 912
- 00:40:25,414 --> 00:40:27,314
- I mean, this is great
- and all, but,
- 913
- 00:40:27,316 --> 00:40:29,318
- didn't you say you were
- gonna make me dinner?
- 914
- 00:40:30,018 --> 00:40:31,184
- Did I say make you dinner?
- 915
- 00:40:31,186 --> 00:40:33,188
- - Yeah.
- - Because I meant order.
- 916
- 00:40:33,854 --> 00:40:35,523
- Yeah, I was impressed.
- 917
- 00:40:36,590 --> 00:40:37,991
- Mmm... not so much.
- 918
- 00:40:37,993 --> 00:40:39,725
- But I actually do cook.
- 919
- 00:40:39,727 --> 00:40:41,194
- - Really?
- - Yeah.
- 920
- 00:40:41,196 --> 00:40:43,163
- I make flautas.
- 921
- 00:40:43,165 --> 00:40:45,031
- Even more
- insulting then, God.
- 922
- 00:40:45,033 --> 00:40:46,565
- I mean, I would have
- made flautas,
- 923
- 00:40:46,567 --> 00:40:48,068
- but it would have
- been too much.
- 924
- 00:40:48,070 --> 00:40:49,501
- Really?
- 925
- 00:40:49,503 --> 00:40:51,603
- Come on, I can't just make
- you flautas the first time.
- 926
- 00:40:51,605 --> 00:40:54,107
- Like, it's too much.
- No woman can handle it.
- 927
- 00:40:54,109 --> 00:40:55,208
- Not even you.
- 928
- 00:40:55,210 --> 00:40:57,279
- Did you make flautas
- for Ganja?
- 929
- 00:41:00,782 --> 00:41:01,716
- Ugh!
- 930
- 00:41:02,284 --> 00:41:03,718
- Unbelievable!
- 931
- 00:41:04,152 --> 00:41:05,684
- I'm leaving.
- 932
- 00:41:05,686 --> 00:41:08,455
- You keep being honest. What the
- fuck is the matter with you?
- 933
- 00:41:08,457 --> 00:41:11,057
- I think it's because I know
- we're not gonna fuck tonight.
- 934
- 00:41:11,059 --> 00:41:12,461
- It's liberating.
- 935
- 00:41:13,395 --> 00:41:15,095
- Yeah, it is.
- It is liberating.
- 936
- 00:41:15,097 --> 00:41:17,199
- Yeah. Let's eat.
- 937
- 00:41:19,500 --> 00:41:20,501
- Okay.
- 938
- 00:41:28,210 --> 00:41:29,510
- What about you?
- 939
- 00:41:30,746 --> 00:41:32,914
- Any Ganja equivalence
- in your life?
- 940
- 00:41:44,760 --> 00:41:46,862
- Hey, where'd you go?
- 941
- 00:41:49,865 --> 00:41:50,932
- I, um...
- 942
- 00:41:56,171 --> 00:41:58,740
- I don't usually date,
- so I've never really...
- 943
- 00:42:00,976 --> 00:42:02,512
- Never really
- done this before.
- 944
- 00:42:04,546 --> 00:42:06,346
- Never?
- 945
- 00:42:06,348 --> 00:42:09,951
- I usually just fuck the
- wrong guy and move on.
- 946
- 00:42:10,919 --> 00:42:11,920
- How old are you?
- 947
- 00:42:13,356 --> 00:42:14,689
- How old are you?
- 948
- 00:42:15,323 --> 00:42:16,792
- I told you, I'm 40.
- 949
- 00:42:18,327 --> 00:42:20,228
- Two. I'm 42.
- 950
- 00:42:21,029 --> 00:42:22,331
- Okay. Well, I'm 30.
- 951
- 00:42:24,333 --> 00:42:25,801
- Three. I'm 33.
- 952
- 00:42:26,668 --> 00:42:28,536
- Jesus.
- 953
- 00:42:28,538 --> 00:42:30,506
- And you never been
- with anyone?
- 954
- 00:42:34,810 --> 00:42:37,010
- How many... How many women
- have you been with?
- 955
- 00:42:37,012 --> 00:42:38,546
- No, no.
- Let me guess.
- 956
- 00:42:38,548 --> 00:42:40,450
- You probably lived
- with a bunch of them.
- 957
- 00:42:40,782 --> 00:42:41,917
- Three.
- 958
- 00:42:42,485 --> 00:42:44,050
- Not at the same time.
- 959
- 00:42:44,052 --> 00:42:45,321
- How was that?
- 960
- 00:42:45,654 --> 00:42:46,721
- Great.
- 961
- 00:42:48,191 --> 00:42:49,624
- Till it wasn't.
- 962
- 00:42:53,196 --> 00:42:55,697
- Intimacy issues.
- I get it.
- 963
- 00:42:56,932 --> 00:42:58,301
- Daddy stuff?
- 964
- 00:43:02,438 --> 00:43:04,040
- Yeah.
- 965
- 00:43:07,376 --> 00:43:09,778
- Yeah, I told you
- about mine.
- 966
- 00:43:11,214 --> 00:43:12,948
- My dad left.
- 967
- 00:43:15,384 --> 00:43:16,986
- Yeah, you said that.
- Yeah.
- 968
- 00:43:19,388 --> 00:43:22,592
- Mine, um...
- Mine committed suicide.
- 969
- 00:43:25,027 --> 00:43:26,028
- Damn.
- 970
- 00:43:29,165 --> 00:43:31,367
- Suicide trumps abandonment.
- 971
- 00:43:32,435 --> 00:43:34,971
- - Does it?
- - Yeah, definitely.
- 972
- 00:43:39,375 --> 00:43:41,511
- I don't know.
- It's just, um...
- 973
- 00:43:42,711 --> 00:43:45,882
- It's the relationship part
- that I can't do.
- 974
- 00:43:48,818 --> 00:43:51,118
- Makes me nervous.
- I don't know what to do.
- 975
- 00:43:51,120 --> 00:43:52,520
- So I just don't do it.
- 976
- 00:43:52,522 --> 00:43:54,824
- Ah, you don't have to
- do anything.
- 977
- 00:43:56,359 --> 00:43:58,327
- Don't do nothing.
- 978
- 00:44:00,463 --> 00:44:02,932
- Ah. I invited you in,
- 979
- 00:44:03,833 --> 00:44:06,000
- and I said, "Welcome.
- 980
- 00:44:06,002 --> 00:44:07,201
- Welcome, Nina."
- 981
- 00:44:07,203 --> 00:44:08,402
- You did say that.
- 982
- 00:44:08,404 --> 00:44:10,204
- Not that long ago.
- 983
- 00:44:10,206 --> 00:44:12,206
- Why are you reminiscing?
- 984
- 00:44:12,208 --> 00:44:15,044
- No, I know.
- But that's a great time.
- 985
- 00:44:16,579 --> 00:44:17,614
- Right?
- 986
- 00:44:18,347 --> 00:44:20,516
- Any other things
- you wanna share?
- 987
- 00:44:20,983 --> 00:44:22,617
- Time's almost up.
- 988
- 00:44:22,619 --> 00:44:23,951
- Is it?
- 989
- 00:44:23,953 --> 00:44:24,952
- Wait, is that you?
- 990
- 00:44:24,954 --> 00:44:26,921
- That wasn't even
- supposed to be there.
- 991
- 00:44:26,923 --> 00:44:29,123
- Oh. Oh, oh.
- 992
- 00:44:57,119 --> 00:44:58,620
- Actually, I'm done entertaining.
- 993
- 00:44:58,622 --> 00:45:00,422
- I'm done embarrassing myself.
- 994
- 00:45:00,424 --> 00:45:01,623
- No, don't stop.
- Come on. No.
- 995
- 00:45:01,625 --> 00:45:03,358
- Come on.
- I'm loving the band...
- 996
- 00:45:03,360 --> 00:45:04,959
- I love it.
- You're so old.
- 997
- 00:45:04,961 --> 00:45:07,395
- At least I don't
- smell old.
- 998
- 00:45:07,397 --> 00:45:11,433
- It's true.
- You smell young and fresh.
- 999
- 00:45:11,435 --> 00:45:12,866
- So what...
- What happened?
- 1000
- 00:45:12,868 --> 00:45:14,835
- What happened with that? The band?
- I mean, that was amazing.
- 1001
- 00:45:14,837 --> 00:45:16,770
- Ah, the usual.
- 1002
- 00:45:16,772 --> 00:45:20,342
- We fought, and our drummer
- died of a drug overdose.
- 1003
- 00:45:20,344 --> 00:45:22,109
- And then, the 90s ended.
- 1004
- 00:45:22,111 --> 00:45:23,513
- - Right.
- - It was over.
- 1005
- 00:45:24,548 --> 00:45:25,948
- - I want it back.
- - I know.
- 1006
- 00:45:27,718 --> 00:45:29,453
- Watch how quick I am.
- 1007
- 00:45:30,220 --> 00:45:31,555
- Well, I'm quicker.
- 1008
- 00:45:32,189 --> 00:45:33,622
- I fear a little fear in...
- 1009
- 00:45:33,624 --> 00:45:35,592
- - Mmm. No.
- - Yeah.
- 1010
- 00:45:37,461 --> 00:45:40,462
- Ah!
- 1011
- 00:45:40,464 --> 00:45:42,930
- I think we're doing a great
- job with not having sex.
- 1012
- 00:45:42,932 --> 00:45:45,267
- Yeah, I think we are.
- 1013
- 00:45:45,269 --> 00:45:47,202
- Is this when you
- would usually...
- 1014
- 00:45:47,204 --> 00:45:48,403
- put the moves on?
- 1015
- 00:45:48,405 --> 00:45:49,704
- - Moves?
- - Mm-hmm.
- 1016
- 00:45:49,706 --> 00:45:52,107
- What am I, a slow loris?
- 1017
- 00:45:52,109 --> 00:45:53,807
- It's been hours, Nina.
- 1018
- 00:45:53,809 --> 00:45:56,046
- I guess you don't
- really know how it goes.
- 1019
- 00:45:59,116 --> 00:46:01,583
- We could have done it
- like five times by now.
- 1020
- 00:46:01,585 --> 00:46:03,851
- - Five times? Wow.
- - Wow.
- 1021
- 00:46:03,853 --> 00:46:04,986
- Hold on.
- 1022
- 00:46:04,988 --> 00:46:06,755
- I thought you were
- the one that said
- 1023
- 00:46:06,757 --> 00:46:09,493
- you fuck guys like
- you write home about.
- 1024
- 00:46:10,727 --> 00:46:13,295
- So, this can't be it,
- 1025
- 00:46:13,297 --> 00:46:14,763
- playing slapsies
- at 3:00 A.M.
- 1026
- 00:46:14,765 --> 00:46:16,598
- That can't be your moves.
- 1027
- 00:46:16,600 --> 00:46:18,266
- 'Cause it seems like
- this is your move.
- 1028
- 00:46:18,268 --> 00:46:19,634
- Is this your move?
- 1029
- 00:46:19,636 --> 00:46:21,636
- - Slapsies.
- - Yeah, slapsies.
- 1030
- 00:46:21,638 --> 00:46:23,206
- Freaking at 3:00 A.M.
- 1031
- 00:46:24,941 --> 00:46:26,241
- That turns you on?
- 1032
- 00:46:26,243 --> 00:46:27,744
- Slapsies, huh?
- 1033
- 00:46:31,014 --> 00:46:32,347
- No, no. Hold on.
- 1034
- 00:46:32,349 --> 00:46:33,684
- No, hold on.
- 1035
- 00:46:35,285 --> 00:46:36,685
- We can't do this.
- 1036
- 00:46:36,687 --> 00:46:40,121
- If we do this, I'll be just
- another guy that you fucked
- 1037
- 00:46:40,123 --> 00:46:41,690
- and move on from.
- 1038
- 00:46:41,692 --> 00:46:43,726
- And that's not what
- I want.
- 1039
- 00:46:43,728 --> 00:46:45,797
- I like you too much
- for that.
- 1040
- 00:46:46,697 --> 00:46:48,632
- No one's ever
- turned me down before.
- 1041
- 00:46:58,275 --> 00:46:59,276
- Let's go to your bedroom.
- 1042
- 00:47:14,458 --> 00:47:17,194
- Hey, don't fuck with me.
- 1043
- 00:47:18,830 --> 00:47:20,097
- I won't.
- 1044
- 00:47:21,198 --> 00:47:22,265
- Don't.
- 1045
- 00:47:23,100 --> 00:47:24,234
- Let me take care of you.
- 1046
- 00:47:26,537 --> 00:47:27,971
- Let me be your man.
- 1047
- 00:48:35,640 --> 00:48:37,939
- Rise and shine, sleepy head.
- 1048
- 00:48:37,941 --> 00:48:40,776
- I'm sorry to wake you,
- but I have to go to work.
- 1049
- 00:48:40,778 --> 00:48:43,379
- And I don't want you to
- think this is a hit and run.
- 1050
- 00:48:43,381 --> 00:48:45,581
- What...
- What time is it?
- 1051
- 00:48:45,583 --> 00:48:47,049
- 6:00.
- 1052
- 00:48:47,051 --> 00:48:48,952
- I have a meeting with
- a client in Venice.
- 1053
- 00:48:49,754 --> 00:48:51,120
- Where'd you sleep?
- 1054
- 00:48:51,122 --> 00:48:52,990
- Right here in the bed
- with you.
- 1055
- 00:48:54,525 --> 00:48:56,227
- - That's sweet.
- - You snore.
- 1056
- 00:48:57,061 --> 00:48:58,494
- - I do?
- - Yeah.
- 1057
- 00:48:58,496 --> 00:48:59,695
- Loud.
- 1058
- 00:48:59,697 --> 00:49:01,664
- Sounded like a dying buffalo.
- 1059
- 00:49:01,666 --> 00:49:04,300
- That's a beautiful sound.
- Yeah.
- 1060
- 00:49:04,302 --> 00:49:07,305
- Well, I guess it's nice
- for you, you were asleep.
- 1061
- 00:49:10,408 --> 00:49:13,375
- - You okay?
- - Yeah.
- 1062
- 00:49:13,377 --> 00:49:15,012
- Yeah, I'm just hungover.
- 1063
- 00:49:17,348 --> 00:49:20,017
- All right. Well, I'll get
- in touch with you later.
- 1064
- 00:49:21,285 --> 00:49:22,919
- Sandy, right?
- 1065
- 00:49:22,921 --> 00:49:25,688
- Wait, what's your
- name again?
- 1066
- 00:49:25,690 --> 00:49:27,656
- I'm just playing.
- 1067
- 00:49:27,658 --> 00:49:30,025
- - I get it.
- - Okay, okay.
- 1068
- 00:49:30,027 --> 00:49:31,460
- Well, here.
- I brought you a shirt.
- 1069
- 00:49:31,462 --> 00:49:32,831
- You can stay
- as long as you want.
- 1070
- 00:49:34,165 --> 00:49:35,399
- - Thanks.
- - Yeah.
- 1071
- 00:49:41,372 --> 00:49:43,140
- There's snacks upstairs, too.
- 1072
- 00:49:45,844 --> 00:49:47,378
- I have some cereal here.
- 1073
- 00:49:48,045 --> 00:49:49,781
- And some fruit.
- 1074
- 00:49:50,314 --> 00:49:51,750
- All healthy shit.
- 1075
- 00:50:23,982 --> 00:50:25,082
- Breathe.
- 1076
- 00:50:28,520 --> 00:50:31,287
- <i>You've reached the
- office of Dr. Joan Streisand.</i>
- 1077
- 00:50:31,289 --> 00:50:33,823
- <i>Please leave your message
- and I will get back to you</i>
- 1078
- 00:50:33,825 --> 00:50:35,825
- - <i>as soon as I can.</i>
- - That's...
- 1079
- 00:50:35,827 --> 00:50:37,226
- Dr. Streisand,
- pick up the phone.
- 1080
- 00:50:37,228 --> 00:50:38,728
- Pick up the fucking phone,
- please.
- 1081
- 00:50:38,730 --> 00:50:40,363
- Please pick up
- the fucking...
- 1082
- 00:50:40,365 --> 00:50:41,298
- Please.
- 1083
- 00:50:41,300 --> 00:50:43,433
- Will you call me back?
- 1084
- 00:50:43,435 --> 00:50:44,634
- Call me back, okay?
- 1085
- 00:50:44,636 --> 00:50:46,203
- Okay, please call me.
- 1086
- 00:50:50,207 --> 00:50:51,142
- Okay.
- 1087
- 00:50:52,578 --> 00:50:54,413
- Okay, okay.
- 1088
- 00:51:00,385 --> 00:51:01,818
- Oh, no...
- 1089
- 00:51:04,022 --> 00:51:05,322
- I thought you
- turned it off?
- 1090
- 00:51:05,324 --> 00:51:06,556
- I thought you did.
- 1091
- 00:51:06,558 --> 00:51:09,259
- It doesn't work unless we do
- it for 15 minutes straight.
- 1092
- 00:51:09,261 --> 00:51:11,093
- - <i>I met somebody.</i>
- - Okay.
- 1093
- 00:51:11,095 --> 00:51:13,229
- Who is he,
- and what happened?
- 1094
- 00:51:13,231 --> 00:51:15,398
- I never had sex
- like this before.
- 1095
- 00:51:15,400 --> 00:51:16,835
- I never. It was so...
- 1096
- 00:51:18,203 --> 00:51:19,204
- ...intimate.
- 1097
- 00:51:19,838 --> 00:51:22,872
- He's funny and sexy, and...
- 1098
- 00:51:22,874 --> 00:51:25,110
- It's just the right
- amount of screwed up.
- 1099
- 00:51:26,745 --> 00:51:29,048
- Oh, he fucks like a God.
- Oh...
- 1100
- 00:51:29,915 --> 00:51:31,114
- Please.
- 1101
- 00:51:31,116 --> 00:51:33,084
- If I wasn't having
- a panic attack right now,
- 1102
- 00:51:33,086 --> 00:51:34,920
- my pussy would
- still be throbbing.
- 1103
- 00:51:36,221 --> 00:51:38,688
- <i>That all sounds
- very nice.</i>
- 1104
- 00:51:38,690 --> 00:51:41,291
- <i>I mean, not every guy out
- there knows how to do that.</i>
- 1105
- 00:51:41,293 --> 00:51:42,592
- Yeah.
- 1106
- 00:51:42,594 --> 00:51:45,395
- Yeah, I think I might be
- really starting to like him.
- 1107
- 00:51:45,397 --> 00:51:46,363
- <i>That's great.</i>
- 1108
- 00:51:46,365 --> 00:51:48,065
- What if I fuck it up?
- 1109
- 00:51:48,067 --> 00:51:49,801
- Why will you do that?
- 1110
- 00:51:51,503 --> 00:51:53,973
- I'm trying really hard to
- be honest with him.
- 1111
- 00:51:55,273 --> 00:51:57,173
- So it's scary.
- 1112
- 00:51:57,175 --> 00:52:00,044
- Honey, that's what
- relationships are all about.
- 1113
- 00:52:00,046 --> 00:52:01,012
- Right?
- 1114
- 00:52:01,014 --> 00:52:03,246
- It's good that
- you feel that way.
- 1115
- 00:52:03,248 --> 00:52:06,083
- That means that
- you care about him.
- 1116
- 00:52:06,085 --> 00:52:08,153
- <i>You know what, Nina?
- Why don't you come home?</i>
- 1117
- 00:52:09,421 --> 00:52:10,923
- I'm gonna cook Mexican.
- 1118
- 00:52:19,531 --> 00:52:21,566
- Shit. So goofy.
- 1119
- 00:52:25,170 --> 00:52:27,272
- Thank you for dinner, guys.
- That was so good.
- 1120
- 00:52:27,674 --> 00:52:29,406
- Stuffed.
- 1121
- 00:52:30,877 --> 00:52:33,245
- Paula!
- 1122
- 00:52:35,547 --> 00:52:37,948
- How many times
- 1123
- 00:52:37,950 --> 00:52:41,018
- do I need to tell you
- not to leave the sponge
- 1124
- 00:52:41,020 --> 00:52:42,419
- in the bottom of the sink?
- 1125
- 00:52:42,421 --> 00:52:43,654
- Yeah, I know.
- 1126
- 00:52:43,656 --> 00:52:44,755
- No, no.
- 1127
- 00:52:44,757 --> 00:52:46,557
- No "yeah, yeah" me, huh.
- 1128
- 00:52:46,559 --> 00:52:48,561
- - Are you serious?
- - Yeah.
- 1129
- 00:52:52,732 --> 00:52:54,266
- - Let's do this.
- - Okay.
- 1130
- 00:52:57,003 --> 00:52:59,235
- I've asked you
- 1131
- 00:52:59,237 --> 00:53:02,238
- to leave the sponge
- outside the sink
- 1132
- 00:53:02,240 --> 00:53:05,076
- so I don't need to move
- all the dishes on top of it
- 1133
- 00:53:05,078 --> 00:53:06,711
- only to get to it.
- 1134
- 00:53:06,713 --> 00:53:08,746
- And when you ignore
- a request of mine,
- 1135
- 00:53:08,748 --> 00:53:09,882
- I feel...
- 1136
- 00:53:10,917 --> 00:53:12,248
- ...diminished.
- 1137
- 00:53:12,250 --> 00:53:13,818
- And rage.
- 1138
- 00:53:13,820 --> 00:53:15,922
- This right here is rage.
- 1139
- 00:53:17,690 --> 00:53:19,390
- I hear you.
- 1140
- 00:53:19,392 --> 00:53:23,196
- And I can understand why
- you would feel that way.
- 1141
- 00:53:24,097 --> 00:53:26,229
- But I want you to understand
- 1142
- 00:53:26,231 --> 00:53:29,734
- that when I leave the sponge
- at the bottom of the sink,
- 1143
- 00:53:29,736 --> 00:53:31,035
- and put plates
- on top of it,
- 1144
- 00:53:31,037 --> 00:53:34,004
- I'm not doing it on purpose
- just to piss you off.
- 1145
- 00:53:34,006 --> 00:53:35,639
- It's just what I do.
- 1146
- 00:53:35,641 --> 00:53:38,077
- I understand that.
- 1147
- 00:53:39,912 --> 00:53:42,113
- But that's exactly
- what pisses me off.
- 1148
- 00:53:42,115 --> 00:53:44,448
- That you're not thinking
- about me when you do that.
- 1149
- 00:53:44,450 --> 00:53:48,387
- Okay. Um, what if we got
- one of those sponge holders?
- 1150
- 00:53:49,856 --> 00:53:52,157
- That way, maybe
- if I could see it,
- 1151
- 00:53:52,159 --> 00:53:54,226
- it would help remind me
- 1152
- 00:53:54,228 --> 00:53:57,029
- to not put it
- inside of the sink.
- 1153
- 00:53:59,065 --> 00:54:02,266
- That's actually a great idea.
- 1154
- 00:54:02,268 --> 00:54:04,835
- I mean, it's better than
- having the sponge all around.
- 1155
- 00:54:04,837 --> 00:54:06,270
- I feel that way also,
- 1156
- 00:54:06,272 --> 00:54:07,905
- and I'm glad that we agree.
- 1157
- 00:54:07,907 --> 00:54:09,907
- Now, would you like
- me to get it?
- 1158
- 00:54:09,909 --> 00:54:11,475
- Well, if you don't mind.
- 1159
- 00:54:11,477 --> 00:54:12,979
- I don't mind.
- 1160
- 00:54:13,713 --> 00:54:15,314
- - Okay.
- - Okay.
- 1161
- 00:54:16,916 --> 00:54:18,649
- Thanks for listening.
- 1162
- 00:54:18,651 --> 00:54:19,585
- You're welcome.
- 1163
- 00:54:21,621 --> 00:54:22,753
- I love you, Pau.
- 1164
- 00:54:22,755 --> 00:54:23,723
- I love you.
- 1165
- 00:54:29,963 --> 00:54:31,829
- Yeah, we want our men
- to be sensitive.
- 1166
- 00:54:31,831 --> 00:54:33,697
- To hold us when we cry.
- 1167
- 00:54:33,699 --> 00:54:37,701
- To tell us we look beautiful even
- when we're waxing our mustache.
- 1168
- 00:54:37,703 --> 00:54:40,604
- Help us hide the body
- of the dude we just shot.
- 1169
- 00:54:41,808 --> 00:54:43,674
- No, fuck him. he wouldn't
- turn the Packers game off.
- 1170
- 00:54:43,676 --> 00:54:45,344
- Right, ladies? Ha!
- 1171
- 00:54:46,213 --> 00:54:48,746
- No, we want our men to cry.
- 1172
- 00:54:48,748 --> 00:54:50,614
- You know,
- to have feelings.
- 1173
- 00:54:50,616 --> 00:54:53,617
- And then be able to
- express those feelings.
- 1174
- 00:54:53,619 --> 00:54:56,420
- Most of them even
- get to the first step.
- 1175
- 00:54:56,422 --> 00:54:58,990
- It's like,
- "Talk to me, boo.
- 1176
- 00:54:58,992 --> 00:55:01,226
- Tell me what you're feeling."
- 1177
- 00:55:01,228 --> 00:55:02,828
- And then, if somebody comes
- at us with a machete,
- 1178
- 00:55:02,830 --> 00:55:05,730
- we want our emotionally intelligent
- man to just like fucking...
- 1179
- 00:55:05,732 --> 00:55:07,567
- Fuck! Don't you fucking move!
- 1180
- 00:55:09,203 --> 00:55:11,770
- And then just be like,
- "I read your horoscope, babe."
- 1181
- 00:55:11,772 --> 00:55:13,271
- I see you.
- 1182
- 00:55:13,273 --> 00:55:16,473
- I'm your ally.
- Mercury is in retrogade.
- 1183
- 00:55:16,475 --> 00:55:19,811
- It's our fucking time to get out
- fucking fantasies out there.
- 1184
- 00:55:19,813 --> 00:55:21,213
- Right, ladies?
- Who's with me?
- 1185
- 00:55:21,215 --> 00:55:22,747
- Who's with me?
- 1186
- 00:55:22,749 --> 00:55:24,249
- Are we asking for
- too much?
- 1187
- 00:55:24,251 --> 00:55:25,617
- We're not asking
- for too much.
- 1188
- 00:55:25,619 --> 00:55:29,855
- No. I want my men
- strong and sensitive.
- 1189
- 00:55:29,857 --> 00:55:31,258
- Supportive.
- 1190
- 00:55:32,159 --> 00:55:33,660
- Machine washable.
- 1191
- 00:55:34,761 --> 00:55:36,395
- Steel enforced dick.
- 1192
- 00:55:37,764 --> 00:55:39,199
- Rechargeable.
- 1193
- 00:55:39,867 --> 00:55:41,268
- Refundable.
- 1194
- 00:55:41,802 --> 00:55:43,101
- And quiet.
- 1195
- 00:55:43,103 --> 00:55:45,539
- When I'm with my friends
- talking shit about him.
- 1196
- 00:55:57,050 --> 00:55:59,517
- - Hey, Nina.
- - Oh, Pam. Hey.
- 1197
- 00:55:59,519 --> 00:56:01,052
- Hey, you should come
- to my club.
- 1198
- 00:56:01,054 --> 00:56:03,021
- - Oh, God. Yeah. Um...
- - Awesome.
- 1199
- 00:56:03,023 --> 00:56:04,990
- I'd love to. Yeah.
- What are you doing here?
- 1200
- 00:56:04,992 --> 00:56:07,158
- I am plucking the hairs
- on my chiny-chin-chin.
- 1201
- 00:56:07,160 --> 00:56:10,195
- - Nice.
- - They're blonde, but I know they're there.
- 1202
- 00:56:10,197 --> 00:56:12,030
- So no one can see them.
- 1203
- 00:56:12,032 --> 00:56:14,367
- I'm here filling in
- for a friend.
- 1204
- 00:56:14,369 --> 00:56:16,034
- But do me a favor
- and don't tell anyone.
- 1205
- 00:56:16,036 --> 00:56:17,002
- Okay.
- 1206
- 00:56:17,004 --> 00:56:19,070
- But you will come by.
- 1207
- 00:56:19,072 --> 00:56:20,205
- I will. I would love to.
- 1208
- 00:56:20,207 --> 00:56:21,806
- I mean, I'm gonna be
- here a while. So...
- 1209
- 00:56:21,808 --> 00:56:23,942
- I know. <i>Comedy Prime.</i>
- 1210
- 00:56:23,944 --> 00:56:25,076
- How do you know
- about that?
- 1211
- 00:56:25,078 --> 00:56:27,012
- It was on Chugfeed.
- 1212
- 00:56:27,014 --> 00:56:28,546
- What?
- 1213
- 00:56:28,548 --> 00:56:31,451
- It was like the top female comedians
- that they're considering.
- 1214
- 00:56:32,152 --> 00:56:34,586
- And you are a female.
- 1215
- 00:56:34,588 --> 00:56:35,587
- I am, too.
- 1216
- 00:56:35,589 --> 00:56:38,657
- You know, isn't it great
- like how all of a sudden
- 1217
- 00:56:38,659 --> 00:56:40,259
- - they know that we're funny?
- - I know.
- 1218
- 00:56:40,261 --> 00:56:42,228
- The new species.
- We've been discovered.
- 1219
- 00:56:42,230 --> 00:56:44,731
- Yeah. Like, my mom
- was hilarious.
- 1220
- 00:56:45,565 --> 00:56:46,731
- And she's dead now.
- 1221
- 00:56:46,733 --> 00:56:48,301
- She's...
- 1222
- 00:56:48,303 --> 00:56:49,868
- - Oh, I don't know about that.
- - Well...
- 1223
- 00:56:49,870 --> 00:56:53,471
- But did you know that I
- tested for Comedy Prime?
- 1224
- 00:56:53,473 --> 00:56:54,606
- I didn't...
- I didn't know.
- 1225
- 00:56:54,608 --> 00:56:56,875
- - I was really good.
- - I'm sure you were.
- 1226
- 00:56:56,877 --> 00:56:58,277
- It was decades ago, though.
- 1227
- 00:56:58,279 --> 00:56:59,878
- - No...
- - Yes.
- 1228
- 00:56:59,880 --> 00:57:01,980
- No, seriously.
- It was decades ago.
- 1229
- 00:57:01,982 --> 00:57:04,116
- All those references
- are worthless now.
- 1230
- 00:57:04,118 --> 00:57:05,418
- Where's the beef?
- 1231
- 00:57:05,420 --> 00:57:08,689
- I did a whole thing
- about "where's the..."
- 1232
- 00:57:09,756 --> 00:57:11,589
- So, I don't know.
- 1233
- 00:57:11,591 --> 00:57:13,025
- I was...
- 1234
- 00:57:13,027 --> 00:57:14,561
- I was good. I was great.
- I was good.
- 1235
- 00:57:15,762 --> 00:57:18,630
- There's all these women
- that came before us.
- 1236
- 00:57:18,632 --> 00:57:20,500
- And it's your turn now.
- 1237
- 00:57:26,040 --> 00:57:27,306
- Yo!
- You're Nina, right?
- 1238
- 00:57:27,308 --> 00:57:29,008
- - Yeah.
- - I'm Dustin.
- 1239
- 00:57:29,010 --> 00:57:30,109
- - Hi.
- - Nice to meet you.
- 1240
- 00:57:30,111 --> 00:57:31,243
- You're hilarious.
- I just saw your set.
- 1241
- 00:57:31,245 --> 00:57:32,677
- - Thanks.
- - Speaking of...
- 1242
- 00:57:32,679 --> 00:57:34,514
- I think I'm kind of
- your perfect guy.
- 1243
- 00:57:35,116 --> 00:57:36,748
- Why do you say that?
- 1244
- 00:57:36,750 --> 00:57:39,018
- - Well, see that?
- - Mm-hmm.
- 1245
- 00:57:39,020 --> 00:57:40,786
- - Bar fight.
- - Oh.
- 1246
- 00:57:40,788 --> 00:57:42,288
- - Strong.
- - Ouch.
- 1247
- 00:57:42,290 --> 00:57:43,856
- - See that?
- - Yeah.
- 1248
- 00:57:43,858 --> 00:57:45,291
- Rescued a duck
- in Echo Park.
- 1249
- 00:57:45,293 --> 00:57:46,425
- Oh, that is so sweet.
- 1250
- 00:57:46,427 --> 00:57:47,762
- - Sensitive, right?
- - Yeah.
- 1251
- 00:57:48,029 --> 00:57:49,197
- Hmm.
- 1252
- 00:58:02,443 --> 00:58:04,645
- - Okay. Um...
- - What's wrong?
- 1253
- 00:58:06,280 --> 00:58:09,350
- Sorry. I don't... I don't
- think it's you. I, uh...
- 1254
- 00:58:11,285 --> 00:58:12,787
- I think it's just
- somebody else.
- 1255
- 00:58:15,056 --> 00:58:16,257
- You wanna talk about it?
- 1256
- 00:58:17,692 --> 00:58:19,227
- That's very sweet.
- 1257
- 00:58:20,094 --> 00:58:21,227
- But, no.
- 1258
- 00:58:21,229 --> 00:58:23,598
- - I'm a good listener.
- - I'm sure you are.
- 1259
- 00:58:24,866 --> 00:58:25,867
- Thank you.
- 1260
- 00:58:26,868 --> 00:58:27,902
- You sure?
- 1261
- 00:58:38,179 --> 00:58:39,580
- Hey.
- 1262
- 00:58:40,848 --> 00:58:43,082
- Why didn't you call me?
- 1263
- 00:58:43,084 --> 00:58:44,719
- I wanted to see
- if you would call me.
- 1264
- 00:58:45,787 --> 00:58:47,620
- - Playing games?
- - No.
- 1265
- 00:58:47,622 --> 00:58:49,657
- I just wanted to see
- if you were into me.
- 1266
- 00:58:51,359 --> 00:58:52,794
- And if I hadn't called?
- 1267
- 00:58:54,028 --> 00:58:55,431
- I would have
- called you.
- 1268
- 00:58:56,365 --> 00:58:57,865
- I was gonna call you.
- 1269
- 00:59:02,203 --> 00:59:03,338
- Come here.
- 1270
- 00:59:09,744 --> 00:59:11,411
- It's weird.
- 1271
- 00:59:11,413 --> 00:59:14,516
- You fuck so good, but you don't
- have that sex addict vibe.
- 1272
- 00:59:16,651 --> 00:59:21,656
- Thanks. I mean, it sounds good.
- I hope it's good.
- 1273
- 00:59:24,226 --> 00:59:25,292
- What are you doing?
- 1274
- 00:59:25,294 --> 00:59:26,994
- I'm writing down an idea.
- 1275
- 00:59:28,062 --> 00:59:29,829
- Let me hear it.
- 1276
- 00:59:29,831 --> 00:59:33,533
- Just like there should be an app that
- tells you all your new guys' issues.
- 1277
- 00:59:33,535 --> 00:59:35,202
- - You know?
- - Oh, great.
- 1278
- 00:59:35,204 --> 00:59:38,438
- Like, this one's a mama's boy,
- or this asshole never tips,
- 1279
- 00:59:38,440 --> 00:59:41,343
- or this guy's into
- toe fucking, or whatever.
- 1280
- 00:59:42,277 --> 00:59:44,344
- Who told you about
- the toe fucking?
- 1281
- 00:59:44,346 --> 00:59:45,911
- Uh, your ex.
- 1282
- 00:59:45,913 --> 00:59:47,746
- Oh, come on.
- Let it go.
- 1283
- 00:59:47,748 --> 00:59:50,250
- So what's the deal there? You
- haven't seen her since you split?
- 1284
- 00:59:50,252 --> 00:59:51,617
- You're jealous already?
- 1285
- 00:59:51,619 --> 00:59:54,956
- Well, I have fucked you
- twice now, so, yeah.
- 1286
- 00:59:56,325 --> 00:59:58,427
- I want to ask you about that.
- 1287
- 00:59:59,261 --> 01:00:01,629
- So you never saw anybody
- more than once?
- 1288
- 01:00:02,797 --> 01:00:03,798
- Nope.
- 1289
- 01:00:06,201 --> 01:00:07,503
- No one?
- 1290
- 01:00:14,276 --> 01:00:15,577
- So how was work?
- 1291
- 01:00:17,079 --> 01:00:18,947
- Driving me fucking crazy.
- 1292
- 01:00:20,015 --> 01:00:21,214
- It's just all the waiting.
- 1293
- 01:00:21,216 --> 01:00:23,617
- Like, all I do now is just wait
- for Larry Michaels to call,
- 1294
- 01:00:23,619 --> 01:00:26,386
- or do stand-up,
- or now fuck you.
- 1295
- 01:00:26,388 --> 01:00:28,155
- Who the fuck is Larry?
- 1296
- 01:00:28,157 --> 01:00:30,323
- Oh, he runs <i>Comedy Prime.</i>
- 1297
- 01:00:30,325 --> 01:00:32,727
- I'm sorry. I like
- the fucking you part.
- 1298
- 01:00:33,762 --> 01:00:34,897
- I bet you do.
- 1299
- 01:00:41,403 --> 01:00:43,772
- Read this.
- 1300
- 01:00:44,840 --> 01:00:46,074
- Give me a kiss.
- 1301
- 01:00:51,513 --> 01:00:53,650
- This is...
- This dude is dumb.
- 1302
- 01:00:54,183 --> 01:00:55,484
- Really.
- 1303
- 01:00:56,318 --> 01:01:00,253
- Actually, you're not
- that smart.
- 1304
- 01:01:00,255 --> 01:01:01,622
- But, I mean,
- what is he talking about,
- 1305
- 01:01:01,624 --> 01:01:03,089
- he wouldn't take you home
- to mama?
- 1306
- 01:01:03,091 --> 01:01:04,357
- I would take you
- home to mama.
- 1307
- 01:01:04,359 --> 01:01:06,495
- Everybody would want to
- take you home to mama.
- 1308
- 01:01:07,062 --> 01:01:08,864
- This guy, he's a goofy.
- 1309
- 01:01:10,966 --> 01:01:12,100
- It's my agent.
- 1310
- 01:01:12,602 --> 01:01:13,702
- Hello?
- 1311
- 01:01:14,736 --> 01:01:16,269
- Really?
- 1312
- 01:01:16,271 --> 01:01:18,774
- Oh, fucking finally!
- Where?
- 1313
- 01:01:20,342 --> 01:01:22,008
- Okay, thank you.
- 1314
- 01:01:22,010 --> 01:01:22,876
- - Shit!
- - What?
- 1315
- 01:01:22,878 --> 01:01:24,311
- I have to go.
- I gotta get my stuff.
- 1316
- 01:01:25,747 --> 01:01:28,281
- Look, look, look. Hey, Nina,
- you have time. It's okay.
- 1317
- 01:01:28,283 --> 01:01:30,050
- - Relax. Breathe.
- - Okay.
- 1318
- 01:01:30,052 --> 01:01:32,052
- Just a quick
- announcement before I go.
- 1319
- 01:01:32,054 --> 01:01:34,689
- If you sat on any
- of the stools in this pub,
- 1320
- 01:01:34,691 --> 01:01:37,257
- you do now have HPV.
- I hope that's cool.
- 1321
- 01:01:37,259 --> 01:01:38,892
- My name is Jamie Lactus.
- Have a good night.
- 1322
- 01:01:44,900 --> 01:01:47,468
- Hey, what's up, guys?
- Thank you for showing up.
- 1323
- 01:01:47,470 --> 01:01:48,502
- You guys all look beautiful...
- 1324
- 01:01:48,504 --> 01:01:50,304
- Where is he, Larry?
- 1325
- 01:01:50,306 --> 01:01:51,339
- I imagine
- he's out there.
- 1326
- 01:01:51,341 --> 01:01:53,006
- Yeah, like fucking herpes.
- 1327
- 01:01:53,008 --> 01:01:54,675
- I gotta take a shit.
- 1328
- 01:01:54,677 --> 01:01:57,010
- What's that smell?
- Oh, Maria!
- 1329
- 01:01:57,012 --> 01:01:58,379
- - I'm sorry.
- - Oh, God.
- 1330
- 01:01:58,381 --> 01:01:59,716
- You guys, uh,
- 1331
- 01:02:00,882 --> 01:02:01,982
- seem nervous.
- 1332
- 01:02:01,984 --> 01:02:03,517
- Oh, you look real cool.
- 1333
- 01:02:03,519 --> 01:02:04,918
- - Yeah, I'm cool.
- - Are you?
- 1334
- 01:02:04,920 --> 01:02:06,019
- Actually, yes.
- 1335
- 01:02:06,021 --> 01:02:07,921
- All right. Real defensive.
- 1336
- 01:02:07,923 --> 01:02:10,123
- I wonder if we can tell the audience
- that we're doing characters.
- 1337
- 01:02:10,125 --> 01:02:12,693
- Otherwise they're gonna be
- like super fucking confused.
- 1338
- 01:02:12,695 --> 01:02:13,862
- I know.
- 1339
- 01:02:14,564 --> 01:02:17,734
- Yolanda Oliver!
- 1340
- 01:02:18,934 --> 01:02:20,468
- What? No!
- 1341
- 01:02:20,470 --> 01:02:22,035
- I'm supposed to be
- like fourth.
- 1342
- 01:02:22,037 --> 01:02:23,137
- You go.
- 1343
- 01:02:23,139 --> 01:02:24,372
- Yolanda, just go.
- 1344
- 01:02:24,374 --> 01:02:25,439
- Don't fuck it up.
- 1345
- 01:02:25,441 --> 01:02:27,007
- Go, go.
- 1346
- 01:02:27,009 --> 01:02:28,342
- I'm gonna fuck it up.
- 1347
- 01:02:28,344 --> 01:02:29,843
- I'm gonna fuck it up.
- 1348
- 01:02:29,845 --> 01:02:31,579
- Unbelievable.
- I'm gonna fuck it up now.
- 1349
- 01:02:34,450 --> 01:02:38,187
- This is Chelsea Handler
- talking to a baby.
- 1350
- 01:02:40,223 --> 01:02:42,490
- Oh, my God.
- You're so cute.
- 1351
- 01:02:42,492 --> 01:02:44,425
- I'd kiss you, but,
- I'm afraid you have chlamydia
- 1352
- 01:02:44,427 --> 01:02:45,760
- since you came out
- of a vagina.
- 1353
- 01:02:45,762 --> 01:02:47,261
- What?
- 1354
- 01:02:47,263 --> 01:02:49,330
- This is Bjork
- 1355
- 01:02:49,332 --> 01:02:51,399
- trapped in an armoire.
- 1356
- 01:02:51,401 --> 01:02:53,134
- Oh, fuck.
- 1357
- 01:02:53,136 --> 01:02:58,339
- <i>♪ I've been stuck
- inside Of here for so long ♪</i>
- 1358
- 01:02:58,341 --> 01:03:01,342
- <i>♪ And I feel so good</i>
- 1359
- 01:03:01,344 --> 01:03:05,012
- Ha ha ha ha.
- Yes, it's me, Emma Stone.
- 1360
- 01:03:05,014 --> 01:03:07,248
- I know what you're thinking.
- "She's black."
- 1361
- 01:03:07,250 --> 01:03:08,282
- Yes.
- 1362
- 01:03:09,385 --> 01:03:10,851
- I'm black now.
- 1363
- 01:03:10,853 --> 01:03:13,790
- I really want that Best Picture Oscar.
- 1364
- 01:03:14,590 --> 01:03:17,158
- This next one is
- Jabba the Slut.
- 1365
- 01:03:22,999 --> 01:03:24,067
- Give me your dick.
- 1366
- 01:03:26,469 --> 01:03:27,704
- Hey, ladies.
- 1367
- 01:03:28,772 --> 01:03:32,039
- You ever, um, find yourself
- at your guy's house
- 1368
- 01:03:32,041 --> 01:03:35,142
- and you're like,
- "Ah, I gotta take a shit."
- 1369
- 01:03:35,144 --> 01:03:36,846
- But you try to hide it?
- 1370
- 01:03:37,947 --> 01:03:39,580
- Hey, fellas.
- 1371
- 01:03:39,582 --> 01:03:41,916
- You ever find yourself
- at your lady's house
- 1372
- 01:03:41,918 --> 01:03:44,220
- and you're like,
- "Oh, I gotta take a shit."
- 1373
- 01:03:45,756 --> 01:03:47,523
- And so you're like...
- 1374
- 01:03:49,392 --> 01:03:51,793
- And you just take
- a damn shit.
- 1375
- 01:03:51,795 --> 01:03:53,394
- Why is she doing stand-up?
- 1376
- 01:03:53,396 --> 01:03:55,262
- She's supposed to
- do characters.
- 1377
- 01:03:55,264 --> 01:03:56,667
- She has to take
- a shit.
- 1378
- 01:04:03,574 --> 01:04:04,775
- Oh, fuck.
- 1379
- 01:04:10,980 --> 01:04:12,281
- Oh, no.
- 1380
- 01:04:13,216 --> 01:04:14,685
- I'm not getting on stage next.
- 1381
- 01:04:18,555 --> 01:04:20,388
- Hello.
- 1382
- 01:04:20,390 --> 01:04:22,691
- Hello. I am Nina.
- 1383
- 01:04:22,693 --> 01:04:25,294
- And this is Bijork
- ordering a smoothie.
- 1384
- 01:04:27,029 --> 01:04:31,466
- I would like the
- memory of my first Christmas,
- 1385
- 01:04:31,468 --> 01:04:34,772
- and also the underbelly
- of a fairy,
- 1386
- 01:04:35,572 --> 01:04:38,774
- with the sweat of
- a newborn deer.
- 1387
- 01:04:38,776 --> 01:04:43,911
- And on top, millions and
- millions of urban electrons.
- 1388
- 01:04:43,913 --> 01:04:47,284
- Okay. Um, I'll take
- Kristen Stewart's order.
- 1389
- 01:04:47,584 --> 01:04:49,253
- Um...
- 1390
- 01:04:49,952 --> 01:04:51,622
- I'm sorry. What do people...
- 1391
- 01:04:52,856 --> 01:04:54,155
- What do people order here?
- 1392
- 01:04:54,157 --> 01:04:56,591
- I don't know.
- I don't like being famous.
- 1393
- 01:04:56,593 --> 01:04:58,627
- I don't like...
- 1394
- 01:04:58,629 --> 01:04:59,761
- I don't like being
- like a celebrity.
- 1395
- 01:04:59,763 --> 01:05:01,095
- I don't like going out.
- I just don't...
- 1396
- 01:05:01,097 --> 01:05:02,800
- Could you not like look at me maybe?
- I don't...
- 1397
- 01:05:03,767 --> 01:05:06,066
- Shelley Duvall
- from <i>The Shining.</i>
- 1398
- 01:05:06,068 --> 01:05:08,603
- Please!
- 1399
- 01:05:08,605 --> 01:05:11,706
- Just please take this
- smoothie for me, please.
- 1400
- 01:05:11,708 --> 01:05:14,977
- Okay. Is that Werner Herzog?
- 1401
- 01:05:16,613 --> 01:05:19,947
- I would like
- a neurotical smoothie
- 1402
- 01:05:19,949 --> 01:05:22,451
- which is a representation
- 1403
- 01:05:22,453 --> 01:05:25,823
- of the deepest parts
- of my soul.
- 1404
- 01:05:26,890 --> 01:05:29,760
- It should have
- almond milk,
- 1405
- 01:05:31,028 --> 01:05:32,162
- chaos,
- 1406
- 01:05:32,663 --> 01:05:34,097
- fornication,
- 1407
- 01:05:35,132 --> 01:05:36,333
- wheatgrass,
- 1408
- 01:05:37,968 --> 01:05:39,336
- insanity,
- 1409
- 01:05:40,137 --> 01:05:41,238
- coconips.
- 1410
- 01:05:42,306 --> 01:05:43,974
- It should not have dairy.
- 1411
- 01:05:44,975 --> 01:05:47,609
- It would be like
- a serpent screaming
- 1412
- 01:05:47,611 --> 01:05:50,512
- throughout my inner intestines.
- 1413
- 01:05:50,514 --> 01:05:54,282
- <i>♪ Goji
- berries Some bananas ♪</i>
- 1414
- 01:05:54,284 --> 01:05:58,220
- <i>♪ Add some M protein Throw
- in them mangoes Spirulina ♪</i>
- 1415
- 01:06:02,927 --> 01:06:04,759
- <i>♪ Smoothie for Shakira</i>
- 1416
- 01:06:04,761 --> 01:06:06,328
- Thank you.
- 1417
- 01:06:08,699 --> 01:06:09,966
- It's okay.
- 1418
- 01:06:09,968 --> 01:06:12,768
- I'm sure they
- didn't really notice.
- 1419
- 01:06:12,770 --> 01:06:14,236
- Did it get in your pussy?
- 1420
- 01:06:14,238 --> 01:06:15,237
- Yeah.
- 1421
- 01:06:15,239 --> 01:06:16,638
- Oh, girl!
- 1422
- 01:06:16,640 --> 01:06:18,406
- You gotta see
- a gynecologist.
- 1423
- 01:06:18,408 --> 01:06:21,144
- Oh, God! Oh, God!
- 1424
- 01:06:23,313 --> 01:06:24,981
- - Ugh!
- - I'm sorry.
- 1425
- 01:06:24,983 --> 01:06:27,215
- Oh, my God. I can't believe
- we both did Bjork.
- 1426
- 01:06:27,217 --> 01:06:28,450
- Yeah.
- 1427
- 01:06:28,452 --> 01:06:30,051
- Why don't you
- drink that puke?
- 1428
- 01:06:30,053 --> 01:06:31,419
- - No!
- - Yeah.
- 1429
- 01:06:31,421 --> 01:06:32,724
- Should I drink it?
- 1430
- 01:06:38,195 --> 01:06:39,662
- Why did you get a car?
- 1431
- 01:06:39,664 --> 01:06:41,363
- Does anybody walk?
- 1432
- 01:06:41,365 --> 01:06:43,098
- No, it's LA.
- 1433
- 01:06:43,100 --> 01:06:44,967
- We don't walk.
- Are you kidding?
- 1434
- 01:06:44,969 --> 01:06:46,470
- It's probably not that safe.
- 1435
- 01:06:48,272 --> 01:06:50,806
- Honeless people are
- like crazier here.
- 1436
- 01:06:50,808 --> 01:06:52,508
- They are,
- and I think it's because
- 1437
- 01:06:52,510 --> 01:06:54,913
- they don't talk
- to people often.
- 1438
- 01:06:55,312 --> 01:06:56,278
- You know?
- 1439
- 01:06:56,280 --> 01:06:57,381
- Hello?
- 1440
- 01:07:01,753 --> 01:07:03,285
- What? Really?
- 1441
- 01:07:03,287 --> 01:07:05,253
- Are you sure? 'Cause if I give
- up my apartment in New York,
- 1442
- 01:07:05,255 --> 01:07:06,556
- there is no going back.
- 1443
- 01:07:06,558 --> 01:07:08,860
- And I will come after you if
- something goes wrong. I will.
- 1444
- 01:07:10,160 --> 01:07:11,396
- Thank you. Thanks.
- 1445
- 01:07:22,907 --> 01:07:24,342
- You got it?
- 1446
- 01:07:24,909 --> 01:07:26,842
- None of us got calls.
- 1447
- 01:07:26,844 --> 01:07:29,380
- Yeah, yeah.
- I got it. I'm...
- 1448
- 01:07:30,180 --> 01:07:31,482
- Sorry. I'm sorry.
- 1449
- 01:07:33,083 --> 01:07:35,216
- Oh, man!
- 1450
- 01:07:35,218 --> 01:07:36,519
- Good job.
- 1451
- 01:07:36,521 --> 01:07:39,120
- I just wanna...
- Just wanna...
- 1452
- 01:07:39,122 --> 01:07:41,524
- throw you against
- the wall and...
- 1453
- 01:07:41,526 --> 01:07:43,259
- I know.
- I gotta go though.
- 1454
- 01:07:43,261 --> 01:07:44,994
- - Fuck you.
- - Cool.
- 1455
- 01:07:44,996 --> 01:07:47,964
- I need to go and to be able
- to support you as well.
- 1456
- 01:07:47,966 --> 01:07:50,299
- Yeah, I'm also...
- I'm gonna leave.
- 1457
- 01:07:50,301 --> 01:07:51,734
- Fuck you.
- 1458
- 01:07:51,736 --> 01:07:53,002
- - No, I'm sorry.
- - Okay.
- 1459
- 01:07:53,004 --> 01:07:55,037
- - Truly.
- - Truly, fuck you.
- 1460
- 01:07:55,039 --> 01:07:56,405
- - Yeah.
- - No, I'm so sorry.
- 1461
- 01:07:56,407 --> 01:07:58,074
- Truly, fuck you.
- 1462
- 01:07:58,076 --> 01:07:59,976
- I can't fucking believe it.
- 1463
- 01:07:59,978 --> 01:08:02,178
- Congrats.
- A little clap for you.
- 1464
- 01:08:02,180 --> 01:08:04,847
- I'm happy for you
- on the inside.
- 1465
- 01:08:04,849 --> 01:08:06,148
- The outside looks tense...
- 1466
- 01:08:06,150 --> 01:08:09,018
- - I sense it.
- - But the inside is joyful.
- 1467
- 01:08:09,020 --> 01:08:11,387
- I just need to
- have a cry.
- 1468
- 01:08:11,389 --> 01:08:13,825
- I'm gonna cry in
- a bathtub.
- 1469
- 01:08:20,465 --> 01:08:21,564
- Hey.
- 1470
- 01:08:21,566 --> 01:08:24,266
- - <i>Where are you?</i>
- - At the bar down the street.
- 1471
- 01:08:24,268 --> 01:08:26,804
- I figured you'd need a drink
- one way or the other.
- 1472
- 01:08:28,107 --> 01:08:30,473
- You figured right.
- 1473
- 01:08:30,475 --> 01:08:31,342
- Well?
- 1474
- 01:08:32,777 --> 01:08:35,078
- I...
- 1475
- 01:08:35,080 --> 01:08:36,579
- - ...got it.
- - You got it?
- 1476
- 01:08:36,581 --> 01:08:38,216
- - I got it.
- - What?
- 1477
- 01:08:40,284 --> 01:08:41,684
- Larry Michaels wants
- to meet me,
- 1478
- 01:08:41,686 --> 01:08:43,653
- but I got it,
- I fucking got it.
- 1479
- 01:08:43,655 --> 01:08:44,957
- I fucking got it!
- 1480
- 01:08:48,027 --> 01:08:50,027
- Welcome to the rest
- of your life.
- 1481
- 01:08:50,029 --> 01:08:51,995
- She's gonna be on
- <i>Comedy Prime!</i>
- 1482
- 01:08:51,997 --> 01:08:53,997
- She's on <i>Comedy Prime.</i>
- I gotta watch the show.
- 1483
- 01:08:53,999 --> 01:08:55,966
- Yes, you do.
- Of course you have to watch.
- 1484
- 01:08:55,968 --> 01:08:57,433
- Can we get fucked up now?
- 1485
- 01:08:57,435 --> 01:08:58,668
- We got drinks right here.
- 1486
- 01:08:58,670 --> 01:08:59,903
- - Oh, it's perfect.
- - Come on.
- 1487
- 01:08:59,905 --> 01:09:01,040
- We ready?
- 1488
- 01:09:26,098 --> 01:09:29,166
- - Oh, I'm so sorry.
- - Watch it, bitch.
- 1489
- 01:09:29,168 --> 01:09:31,034
- Don't call me
- a bitch, you bitch.
- 1490
- 01:09:31,036 --> 01:09:32,536
- You touch me again,
- you fucking midget...
- 1491
- 01:09:32,538 --> 01:09:33,603
- What the fuck
- is your problem?
- 1492
- 01:09:33,605 --> 01:09:34,771
- Get the fuck
- off my daughter!
- 1493
- 01:09:34,773 --> 01:09:36,008
- I got her.
- 1494
- 01:09:37,275 --> 01:09:39,910
- Wanna try again?
- Wanna try again?
- 1495
- 01:09:39,912 --> 01:09:41,410
- Come on. What? What?
- 1496
- 01:09:41,412 --> 01:09:42,313
- Try again.
- 1497
- 01:09:45,084 --> 01:09:46,384
- I gotta get
- my fucking jacket.
- 1498
- 01:09:57,563 --> 01:09:58,895
- So, what was that?
- 1499
- 01:09:58,897 --> 01:10:00,697
- What was what?
- Did you not...
- 1500
- 01:10:00,699 --> 01:10:03,100
- She fucking bumped into me.
- Did you not see that?
- 1501
- 01:10:03,102 --> 01:10:05,234
- But it was by mistake.
- It happens.
- 1502
- 01:10:05,236 --> 01:10:07,003
- You can't just
- start a fight
- 1503
- 01:10:07,005 --> 01:10:10,040
- and just get up in the face of everybody
- who accidentally bumps into you.
- 1504
- 01:10:10,042 --> 01:10:11,610
- Hell of a dad though, right?
- 1505
- 01:10:12,811 --> 01:10:14,580
- Wish you'd defended me
- like that.
- 1506
- 01:10:15,514 --> 01:10:17,280
- Defend you from what?
- 1507
- 01:10:17,282 --> 01:10:19,282
- You started a fight with her
- for no reason.
- 1508
- 01:10:19,284 --> 01:10:22,018
- What, am I not ladylike enough
- for you now? Is that it?
- 1509
- 01:10:22,020 --> 01:10:23,987
- You know what?
- I think you're drunk.
- 1510
- 01:10:23,989 --> 01:10:25,088
- No, I'm not drunk.
- 1511
- 01:10:25,090 --> 01:10:26,959
- - You've been drinking too much.
- - I'm not.
- 1512
- 01:10:28,060 --> 01:10:29,628
- What, you're just being
- an asshole?
- 1513
- 01:10:34,200 --> 01:10:35,235
- What?
- 1514
- 01:10:36,702 --> 01:10:38,169
- What is it?
- I mean...
- 1515
- 01:10:38,171 --> 01:10:40,403
- It must be nice, huh?
- 1516
- 01:10:40,405 --> 01:10:42,773
- To look down from
- your ivory tower.
- 1517
- 01:10:42,775 --> 01:10:44,276
- What are you
- talking about?
- 1518
- 01:10:44,877 --> 01:10:46,710
- I'm Rafe.
- 1519
- 01:10:46,712 --> 01:10:49,579
- I like nice things.
- 1520
- 01:10:49,581 --> 01:10:51,182
- I make things with my hands.
- 1521
- 01:10:51,184 --> 01:10:52,783
- I'm a California native.
- 1522
- 01:10:52,785 --> 01:10:54,017
- I'm special.
- 1523
- 01:10:54,019 --> 01:10:55,088
- I'm Rafe.
- 1524
- 01:10:55,721 --> 01:10:56,953
- I'm Rafe.
- 1525
- 01:11:00,026 --> 01:11:01,892
- What? What now?
- Cat got your tongue?
- 1526
- 01:11:01,894 --> 01:11:03,660
- 'Cause I can just
- keep going, you know.
- 1527
- 01:11:03,662 --> 01:11:07,898
- You know, let's take...
- I'm gonna take you home.
- 1528
- 01:11:07,900 --> 01:11:09,967
- What, you wanna
- fuck through this?
- 1529
- 01:11:09,969 --> 01:11:12,170
- - No. Come on.
- - The conflict, you know?
- 1530
- 01:11:12,172 --> 01:11:13,904
- - No. Come on.
- - 'Cause we can.
- 1531
- 01:11:13,906 --> 01:11:16,640
- I know you...
- You might like that.
- 1532
- 01:11:16,642 --> 01:11:17,743
- I don't know.
- 1533
- 01:11:29,721 --> 01:11:31,057
- Bye.
- 1534
- 01:11:37,362 --> 01:11:38,363
- Lake.
- 1535
- 01:11:41,633 --> 01:11:42,634
- Lake.
- 1536
- 01:11:44,670 --> 01:11:45,937
- What are you doing?
- 1537
- 01:11:48,640 --> 01:11:51,144
- Stream, ocean, brook!
- 1538
- 01:11:52,745 --> 01:11:53,713
- Hello.
- 1539
- 01:11:54,413 --> 01:11:55,414
- Lake.
- 1540
- 01:11:56,783 --> 01:11:58,084
- Lake, Lake, Lake.
- 1541
- 01:11:59,585 --> 01:12:00,720
- What the fuck, Nina?
- 1542
- 01:12:01,788 --> 01:12:03,587
- I was trance writing.
- 1543
- 01:12:03,589 --> 01:12:07,293
- I don't have time for
- your bullshit right now, okay?
- 1544
- 01:12:07,961 --> 01:12:09,060
- Okay, what's going on?
- 1545
- 01:12:09,062 --> 01:12:10,763
- How do you... How...
- 1546
- 01:12:11,931 --> 01:12:13,333
- Oh, God.
- 1547
- 01:12:15,001 --> 01:12:17,034
- How does...
- When he...
- 1548
- 01:12:17,036 --> 01:12:18,903
- How... What do you...
- 1549
- 01:12:18,905 --> 01:12:20,204
- Put your shit together.
- Okay?
- 1550
- 01:12:20,206 --> 01:12:22,039
- I can't. I can't.
- 1551
- 01:12:22,041 --> 01:12:23,941
- You poor thing.
- 1552
- 01:12:23,943 --> 01:12:25,712
- You're in such distress.
- 1553
- 01:12:26,179 --> 01:12:28,114
- Nina, the truth
- 1554
- 01:12:28,681 --> 01:12:30,014
- will set you free.
- 1555
- 01:12:30,016 --> 01:12:32,185
- What if the truth
- sends you to jail?
- 1556
- 01:12:32,652 --> 01:12:33,851
- What?
- 1557
- 01:12:33,853 --> 01:12:35,086
- Oh, my God.
- 1558
- 01:12:35,088 --> 01:12:36,988
- Nina, did you commit
- a crime?
- 1559
- 01:12:36,990 --> 01:12:39,924
- No, I didn't...
- Stop. I can't...
- 1560
- 01:12:39,926 --> 01:12:41,926
- Look, the truth will
- set you free.
- 1561
- 01:12:41,928 --> 01:12:44,395
- People say that,
- but that's...
- 1562
- 01:12:44,397 --> 01:12:46,831
- John said that to the Jews,
- and look where it got us.
- 1563
- 01:12:46,833 --> 01:12:50,134
- I have no idea what we're
- talking about anymore.
- 1564
- 01:12:50,136 --> 01:12:53,905
- All I can tell you
- is that Rafe is a solid dude.
- 1565
- 01:12:53,907 --> 01:12:57,577
- You just have to tell him whatever
- the fuck is bothering you.
- 1566
- 01:12:58,912 --> 01:13:00,480
- Woman the fuck up, Nina.
- 1567
- 01:13:01,047 --> 01:13:02,448
- Tell the truth.
- 1568
- 01:13:03,850 --> 01:13:05,386
- The truth, here.
- 1569
- 01:13:44,590 --> 01:13:45,558
- Hi.
- 1570
- 01:13:48,461 --> 01:13:49,396
- How are you?
- 1571
- 01:13:50,230 --> 01:13:52,064
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry.
- 1572
- 01:13:52,066 --> 01:13:53,531
- I'm sorry.
- 1573
- 01:13:53,533 --> 01:13:55,700
- I didn't mean any of the
- things I said about you.
- 1574
- 01:13:55,702 --> 01:13:57,202
- You know that, right?
- 1575
- 01:13:57,204 --> 01:14:00,504
- Well, actually, everything
- you said was really true.
- 1576
- 01:14:00,506 --> 01:14:02,840
- But it seems you don't like
- that I'm that way.
- 1577
- 01:14:02,842 --> 01:14:05,010
- I do. I...
- 1578
- 01:14:05,012 --> 01:14:07,480
- I really like
- everything about you.
- 1579
- 01:14:09,049 --> 01:14:10,648
- I just... I don't know
- why I did that.
- 1580
- 01:14:10,650 --> 01:14:11,782
- I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
- 1581
- 01:14:11,784 --> 01:14:14,721
- Let's talk about it later.
- You have a show.
- 1582
- 01:14:15,923 --> 01:14:17,391
- I didn't think
- you'd come.
- 1583
- 01:14:18,691 --> 01:14:19,858
- You invited me.
- 1584
- 01:14:19,860 --> 01:14:22,296
- Yeah, I know. But I didn't
- think you'd show now.
- 1585
- 01:14:23,730 --> 01:14:24,697
- Thank you.
- 1586
- 01:14:26,066 --> 01:14:27,901
- God, you're so
- fucking solid.
- 1587
- 01:14:28,969 --> 01:14:30,337
- I'm special.
- 1588
- 01:14:32,906 --> 01:14:34,274
- I'm Rafe.
- 1589
- 01:14:35,142 --> 01:14:37,075
- - I'm special.
- - Ugh!
- 1590
- 01:14:37,077 --> 01:14:38,345
- I'm Rafe.
- 1591
- 01:14:39,079 --> 01:14:40,511
- I'm special.
- 1592
- 01:14:47,955 --> 01:14:49,356
- Oh, hey.
- What up, Nina?
- 1593
- 01:14:51,859 --> 01:14:53,158
- - Hey, I'm Joe.
- - What's up, man?
- 1594
- 01:14:53,160 --> 01:14:54,493
- - Yeah.
- - I'm Rafe.
- 1595
- 01:14:54,495 --> 01:14:56,028
- You guys look good. She looks good.
- How are you?
- 1596
- 01:14:56,030 --> 01:14:58,897
- What... What are you
- doing here?
- 1597
- 01:14:58,899 --> 01:15:01,433
- I would have told you I was coming,
- but you fucking blocked me.
- 1598
- 01:15:01,435 --> 01:15:02,968
- I saw your post.
- I thought you were funny.
- 1599
- 01:15:02,970 --> 01:15:04,202
- She's really funny,
- isn't she?
- 1600
- 01:15:04,204 --> 01:15:05,570
- Fucking hilarious.
- 1601
- 01:15:05,572 --> 01:15:08,407
- Don't leave, don't leave.
- No, no, no. Nina.
- 1602
- 01:15:08,409 --> 01:15:10,842
- He's not a good guy.
- He's a cop. Hey...
- 1603
- 01:15:10,844 --> 01:15:11,743
- I left her.
- 1604
- 01:15:11,745 --> 01:15:13,779
- I left her, Nina.
- I left her for you.
- 1605
- 01:15:13,781 --> 01:15:14,780
- Don't fucking touch me.
- 1606
- 01:15:14,782 --> 01:15:16,281
- I left her just like I...
- Nina, look at me.
- 1607
- 01:15:16,283 --> 01:15:19,286
- Will you do something?
- Will you fucking protect me?
- 1608
- 01:15:22,890 --> 01:15:24,389
- Ah, fuck!
- 1609
- 01:15:24,391 --> 01:15:25,993
- Get the fuck off me.
- 1610
- 01:15:28,530 --> 01:15:30,664
- Yeah, you can have her,
- you fucking bitch.
- 1611
- 01:15:34,768 --> 01:15:35,936
- Fuck!
- 1612
- 01:15:38,839 --> 01:15:40,238
- Rafe...
- 1613
- 01:15:40,240 --> 01:15:42,274
- Oh, so this is what you want? You
- want us fighting over you now?
- 1614
- 01:15:42,276 --> 01:15:44,776
- You want men
- fighting over you now?
- 1615
- 01:15:44,778 --> 01:15:46,312
- So he's married?
- 1616
- 01:15:46,314 --> 01:15:47,981
- But he just left
- his wife for you?
- 1617
- 01:15:48,949 --> 01:15:50,918
- That's so nice. Wow!
- 1618
- 01:15:51,752 --> 01:15:53,819
- A married cop?
- 1619
- 01:15:53,821 --> 01:15:55,457
- That's great, Nina.
- 1620
- 01:15:56,458 --> 01:15:57,925
- Does he have kids?
- 1621
- 01:15:59,693 --> 01:16:01,927
- You know what?
- Don't tell me.
- 1622
- 01:16:01,929 --> 01:16:05,163
- I bet he chokes black people
- for fun, too, huh?
- 1623
- 01:16:05,165 --> 01:16:06,800
- - It's over.
- - It is?
- 1624
- 01:16:07,335 --> 01:16:08,534
- He's here.
- 1625
- 01:16:08,536 --> 01:16:10,470
- He left his wife
- for you.
- 1626
- 01:16:10,472 --> 01:16:12,639
- You said you didn't
- have relationships.
- 1627
- 01:16:15,210 --> 01:16:17,909
- No snappy comeback now?
- What?
- 1628
- 01:16:17,911 --> 01:16:19,811
- What, you're just gonna
- go on stage and act like
- 1629
- 01:16:19,813 --> 01:16:21,347
- you're the strong,
- independent woman
- 1630
- 01:16:21,349 --> 01:16:22,950
- that always gets
- what she wants?
- 1631
- 01:16:24,152 --> 01:16:25,553
- The fuck out of here.
- 1632
- 01:16:48,009 --> 01:16:49,275
- Nina?
- 1633
- 01:16:49,277 --> 01:16:52,078
- Nina?
- Nina Geld?
- 1634
- 01:16:52,080 --> 01:16:53,946
- Oh, my gosh!
- It's Amy.
- 1635
- 01:16:53,948 --> 01:16:56,916
- - Amy. I am your mother's best friend and neighbor.
- - Oh, God. Yeah.
- 1636
- 01:16:56,918 --> 01:16:59,818
- - Yeah. Hi.
- - Oh, I'm here visiting my parents.
- 1637
- 01:16:59,820 --> 01:17:02,054
- I saw that you were
- acting here,
- 1638
- 01:17:02,056 --> 01:17:05,726
- so I thought, why don't I just
- go see what Deb's kid does.
- 1639
- 01:17:06,861 --> 01:17:09,262
- So, um...
- You okay?
- 1640
- 01:17:09,264 --> 01:17:10,229
- Yeah.
- 1641
- 01:17:10,231 --> 01:17:11,564
- Well, the reason why I ask is,
- 1642
- 01:17:11,566 --> 01:17:14,934
- 'cause, to be honest
- with you, I've, um...
- 1643
- 01:17:14,936 --> 01:17:17,136
- seen some of the clips
- 1644
- 01:17:17,138 --> 01:17:19,607
- that you've been putting
- on the Internet.
- 1645
- 01:17:20,375 --> 01:17:22,808
- There's so much
- anger in you.
- 1646
- 01:17:22,810 --> 01:17:24,243
- I don't know why.
- 1647
- 01:17:24,245 --> 01:17:26,279
- I mean, life is beautiful.
- 1648
- 01:17:26,281 --> 01:17:27,580
- Don't you know that?
- 1649
- 01:17:27,582 --> 01:17:29,949
- Yeah, it's not beautiful
- for everybody, Amy.
- 1650
- 01:17:29,951 --> 01:17:31,119
- It's just not.
- 1651
- 01:17:35,323 --> 01:17:36,556
- Nina!
- 1652
- 01:17:36,558 --> 01:17:39,392
- Congratulations
- on the job, girl!
- 1653
- 01:17:39,394 --> 01:17:42,028
- Is it just me, or are there more
- people here tonight than usual?
- 1654
- 01:17:42,030 --> 01:17:43,329
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- There are.
- 1655
- 01:17:43,331 --> 01:17:44,430
- Word gets around fast.
- 1656
- 01:17:44,432 --> 01:17:46,299
- Plus, I sent out
- a mass email.
- 1657
- 01:17:46,301 --> 01:17:48,201
- 'Cause this is great for me.
- I need this.
- 1658
- 01:17:48,203 --> 01:17:51,370
- You know,
- you're a name now.
- 1659
- 01:17:51,372 --> 01:17:54,042
- All these people
- are here to see you.
- 1660
- 01:17:54,610 --> 01:17:55,576
- Okay?
- 1661
- 01:17:55,578 --> 01:17:57,678
- So, it's no pressure,
- but there really is.
- 1662
- 01:17:57,680 --> 01:18:00,413
- Kind of a lot of pressure
- on you to do great.
- 1663
- 01:18:00,415 --> 01:18:01,548
- It's gonna be great.
- It's gonna be great.
- 1664
- 01:18:01,550 --> 01:18:02,583
- You guys ready
- for our next act?
- 1665
- 01:18:02,585 --> 01:18:05,151
- Give it up real big
- for Nina Geld.
- 1666
- 01:18:14,463 --> 01:18:15,728
- Hello.
- 1667
- 01:18:15,730 --> 01:18:17,397
- Hello. Wow.
- 1668
- 01:18:17,399 --> 01:18:18,567
- That's a lot of...
- 1669
- 01:18:20,569 --> 01:18:23,470
- Lot of people here
- tonight. Um...
- 1670
- 01:18:23,472 --> 01:18:26,573
- More than usual.
- I'm a little bit...
- 1671
- 01:18:26,575 --> 01:18:28,609
- I think I'm a little
- nervous here.
- 1672
- 01:18:28,611 --> 01:18:30,344
- I had to build
- my confidence up.
- 1673
- 01:18:30,346 --> 01:18:32,379
- You know, I wish I had
- the confidence of, like,
- 1674
- 01:18:32,381 --> 01:18:35,282
- any guy walking into
- a guitar center.
- 1675
- 01:18:35,284 --> 01:18:37,551
- Just like any guy.
- 1676
- 01:18:37,553 --> 01:18:40,922
- Just the pure,
- unearned self-assurance
- 1677
- 01:18:41,323 --> 01:18:42,755
- that you feel.
- 1678
- 01:18:42,757 --> 01:18:45,425
- You know, I was gonna do...
- I had a whole bit about, like
- 1679
- 01:18:45,427 --> 01:18:48,761
- periods and shitting liquid,
- and all this stuff.
- 1680
- 01:18:48,763 --> 01:18:51,163
- But there's something
- that just been bothering me,
- 1681
- 01:18:51,165 --> 01:18:52,568
- and I think I'm gonna...
- 1682
- 01:18:53,736 --> 01:18:56,672
- Um, I'm trying to be more
- truthful in my life. So...
- 1683
- 01:19:04,413 --> 01:19:06,513
- Oh. Thanks. Thank you.
- 1684
- 01:19:06,515 --> 01:19:10,217
- So, what's that they say? They say the
- truth will set you free, right? Yeah?
- 1685
- 01:19:10,219 --> 01:19:11,886
- So I'm just gonna...
- 1686
- 01:19:13,788 --> 01:19:15,389
- I'm just gonna
- share it with you.
- 1687
- 01:19:15,391 --> 01:19:17,957
- Hope...
- Hope for that.
- 1688
- 01:19:17,959 --> 01:19:21,261
- I've been reading a lot
- of stuff about myself recently.
- 1689
- 01:19:21,263 --> 01:19:23,065
- People seem to think
- I'm negative.
- 1690
- 01:19:24,266 --> 01:19:26,602
- Yeah, I know.
- Negative. Huh!
- 1691
- 01:19:27,869 --> 01:19:29,071
- Polarizing.
- 1692
- 01:19:29,705 --> 01:19:30,872
- Angry.
- 1693
- 01:19:31,906 --> 01:19:34,476
- Not the type of girl
- you'd want to bring home.
- 1694
- 01:19:35,144 --> 01:19:36,512
- Hmm.
- 1695
- 01:19:36,979 --> 01:19:37,911
- Well, guess what.
- 1696
- 01:19:37,913 --> 01:19:40,649
- I don't wanna fucking
- go home with you.
- 1697
- 01:19:40,983 --> 01:19:42,151
- Okay?
- 1698
- 01:19:45,587 --> 01:19:47,954
- I recently ran into
- this woman
- 1699
- 01:19:47,956 --> 01:19:50,390
- who, um, I lived next door
- to since I was a kid.
- 1700
- 01:19:50,392 --> 01:19:53,929
- She was like, "Nina...
- 1701
- 01:19:54,663 --> 01:19:56,730
- Why are you so angry?
- 1702
- 01:19:56,732 --> 01:20:00,636
- I follow you on the computer
- and it's really sad."
- 1703
- 01:20:02,104 --> 01:20:03,539
- First of all,
- 1704
- 01:20:04,340 --> 01:20:06,406
- fuck you, Amy.
- 1705
- 01:20:06,408 --> 01:20:08,675
- Fuck you.
- Why are you following me?
- 1706
- 01:20:08,677 --> 01:20:10,043
- You love Nicholas Sparks.
- 1707
- 01:20:10,045 --> 01:20:12,946
- You have no business
- reading my shit, you cunt.
- 1708
- 01:20:12,948 --> 01:20:15,683
- And just because
- I grew up next door to you,
- 1709
- 01:20:15,685 --> 01:20:17,884
- and I smiled every time
- you recapped <i>Days of our Lives</i>
- 1710
- 01:20:17,886 --> 01:20:20,889
- doesn't mean you're gonna like
- my social media posts now, okay?
- 1711
- 01:20:21,758 --> 01:20:23,490
- And also, I find it
- pretty amusing
- 1712
- 01:20:23,492 --> 01:20:24,759
- when people tell me
- to cheer up.
- 1713
- 01:20:24,761 --> 01:20:26,159
- Because considering
- the shit I've been through,
- 1714
- 01:20:26,161 --> 01:20:27,896
- I'm pretty fucking cheery.
- 1715
- 01:20:29,231 --> 01:20:32,432
- People are like,
- "Oh, you're such a man-hater.
- 1716
- 01:20:32,434 --> 01:20:34,771
- God, you're always picking
- on men." Yeah.
- 1717
- 01:20:38,608 --> 01:20:40,844
- Oh, you haven't
- seen anything yet.
- 1718
- 01:20:46,215 --> 01:20:49,318
- You try being raped by your
- own father for eight years.
- 1719
- 01:20:59,529 --> 01:21:01,831
- See what that does
- for your opinion of men.
- 1720
- 01:21:08,270 --> 01:21:09,271
- Yeah.
- 1721
- 01:21:11,306 --> 01:21:13,374
- Eight years of rape
- will, um,
- 1722
- 01:21:13,376 --> 01:21:15,310
- make anybody
- a little irritated.
- 1723
- 01:21:16,646 --> 01:21:19,181
- Not just in your vagina,
- but in your head, too.
- 1724
- 01:21:21,917 --> 01:21:23,551
- The thing fucking
- Amy doesn't get
- 1725
- 01:21:23,553 --> 01:21:25,553
- is she's lucky I don't
- turn into the Hulk
- 1726
- 01:21:25,555 --> 01:21:27,657
- every time somebody
- says hello to me.
- 1727
- 01:21:30,293 --> 01:21:31,759
- When a guy
- asks for my number,
- 1728
- 01:21:31,761 --> 01:21:34,562
- my immediate instinct is to break a
- fucking beer bottle over his head.
- 1729
- 01:21:37,667 --> 01:21:39,269
- It takes years
- 1730
- 01:21:41,970 --> 01:21:44,641
- of recovery and therapy,
- and...
- 1731
- 01:21:46,242 --> 01:21:47,610
- ...frankly drinking,
- 1732
- 01:21:48,645 --> 01:21:51,646
- not to just
- punch some dude out
- 1733
- 01:21:51,648 --> 01:21:53,648
- who just wanted directions.
- 1734
- 01:21:53,650 --> 01:21:55,652
- Oh, sorry, sir.
- You said...
- 1735
- 01:21:57,153 --> 01:21:58,386
- "Where is Venice Beach?"
- 1736
- 01:21:58,388 --> 01:22:00,356
- I could have sworn you said,
- "Where is your vagina, bitch?"
- 1737
- 01:22:02,958 --> 01:22:06,227
- I remember this party I went to
- in college where...
- 1738
- 01:22:06,229 --> 01:22:07,961
- they were playing
- stupid truth or dare games.
- 1739
- 01:22:07,963 --> 01:22:10,498
- The hostess is like,
- "How did you...
- 1740
- 01:22:10,500 --> 01:22:12,368
- How did you lose
- your virginity?"
- 1741
- 01:22:15,505 --> 01:22:17,240
- None of your
- fucking business.
- 1742
- 01:22:18,808 --> 01:22:22,009
- You know, only virgins
- ask this shit.
- 1743
- 01:22:22,011 --> 01:22:24,745
- Or people who lived in a bubble
- of protection their entire lives.
- 1744
- 01:22:24,747 --> 01:22:26,716
- And yes, I am
- jealous of them.
- 1745
- 01:22:29,252 --> 01:22:31,988
- I'm jealous of their mothers
- who come out to visit them.
- 1746
- 01:22:36,993 --> 01:22:39,095
- What I wanted to say
- was what happened.
- 1747
- 01:22:43,968 --> 01:22:45,803
- How did I lose
- my virginity?
- 1748
- 01:22:50,273 --> 01:22:52,073
- Face down on the floor,
- 1749
- 01:22:52,075 --> 01:22:55,211
- when I was 12, eyes on my cat,
- while my father raped me.
- 1750
- 01:22:59,015 --> 01:23:01,215
- Yeah, I know. It's not
- great party conversation,
- 1751
- 01:23:01,217 --> 01:23:02,452
- but you fucking asked.
- 1752
- 01:23:07,123 --> 01:23:09,092
- But instead I made up
- a story about
- 1753
- 01:23:10,260 --> 01:23:12,830
- losing my virginity
- to a boy I used to love.
- 1754
- 01:23:16,165 --> 01:23:17,935
- 'Cause that's what
- I would have liked.
- 1755
- 01:23:20,537 --> 01:23:23,572
- So, yeah, all in all, I think I'm
- doing pretty well, you know.
- 1756
- 01:23:23,574 --> 01:23:25,774
- I do what I love.
- 1757
- 01:23:25,776 --> 01:23:27,443
- I'm a reasonably
- good person.
- 1758
- 01:23:31,949 --> 01:23:33,782
- I might even be able to
- love somebody some day
- 1759
- 01:23:33,784 --> 01:23:35,351
- the way that
- they deserve it.
- 1760
- 01:23:41,391 --> 01:23:42,724
- Yeah, catch you next time.
- 1761
- 01:23:42,726 --> 01:23:44,227
- Thanks for coming.
- 1762
- 01:24:51,695 --> 01:24:53,564
- <i>This is Rafe.
- Leave a message.</i>
- 1763
- 01:25:15,086 --> 01:25:18,153
- I hadn't thought
- about him in so long.
- 1764
- 01:25:18,155 --> 01:25:20,155
- Van Halen one.
- You were right.
- 1765
- 01:25:20,157 --> 01:25:21,757
- Hey, Bree.
- How you doing?
- 1766
- 01:25:21,759 --> 01:25:24,259
- Mike! Mike, Mike, Mike!
- 1767
- 01:25:24,261 --> 01:25:26,029
- Look what the cat
- dragged in.
- 1768
- 01:25:26,031 --> 01:25:28,165
- You, uh, seemed
- a little...
- 1769
- 01:25:28,799 --> 01:25:29,999
- It's really a hug there.
- 1770
- 01:25:30,001 --> 01:25:32,001
- - Oh, I missed you.
- - Missed me?
- 1771
- 01:25:32,003 --> 01:25:34,636
- I heard you sort of had
- a bit of a meltdown tonight.
- 1772
- 01:25:34,638 --> 01:25:37,639
- Like really kooky. Talking about
- fucking your dad or something?
- 1773
- 01:25:37,641 --> 01:25:40,676
- Is that your <i>Tonight Show</i>
- set you're working out?
- 1774
- 01:25:40,678 --> 01:25:42,479
- Yeah, yeah.
- 1775
- 01:25:44,115 --> 01:25:45,549
- You gotta take
- some chances.
- 1776
- 01:25:48,119 --> 01:25:50,187
- Slap a guy in the face
- and laugh.
- 1777
- 01:26:00,999 --> 01:26:02,999
- - Let me kiss you.
- - Shut up.
- 1778
- 01:26:03,001 --> 01:26:05,003
- I love you.
- I love you.
- 1779
- 01:26:06,938 --> 01:26:08,738
- - Nina, I'm ready to come.
- - Good.
- 1780
- 01:26:08,740 --> 01:26:10,773
- Oh, fuck!
- 1781
- 01:26:10,775 --> 01:26:13,277
- Oh, fuck, yes! Oh!
- 1782
- 01:26:13,578 --> 01:26:14,646
- Oh!
- 1783
- 01:26:36,868 --> 01:26:38,470
- <i>How did you
- lose your virginity?</i>
- 1784
- 01:26:40,337 --> 01:26:41,804
- <i>None of your
- fucking business.</i>
- 1785
- 01:26:41,806 --> 01:26:43,141
- Shit.
- 1786
- 01:26:43,875 --> 01:26:45,610
- <i>How did I lose
- my virginity?</i>
- 1787
- 01:26:46,745 --> 01:26:48,511
- <i>Face down on the floor,</i>
- 1788
- 01:26:48,513 --> 01:26:52,682
- <i>when I was 12, eyes on my cat,
- while my father raped me.</i>
- 1789
- 01:26:52,684 --> 01:26:55,017
- <i>Yeah, I know. It's not
- great party conversation,</i>
- 1790
- 01:26:55,019 --> 01:26:56,621
- <i>but you fucking asked.</i>
- 1791
- 01:27:00,358 --> 01:27:01,459
- Hi, Mom.
- 1792
- 01:27:56,215 --> 01:27:58,381
- - <i>Hello?</i>
- - Nina. Oh, my God.
- 1793
- 01:27:58,383 --> 01:28:00,817
- <i>Are you okay? I've been
- trying you all morning.</i>
- 1794
- 01:28:00,819 --> 01:28:02,154
- Yeah, um...
- 1795
- 01:28:02,787 --> 01:28:03,921
- Crazy night.
- 1796
- 01:28:03,923 --> 01:28:08,424
- Yeah. I'm so sorry, honey.
- I had no idea.
- 1797
- 01:28:08,426 --> 01:28:10,294
- <i>Thanks, Carrie.</i>
- 1798
- 01:28:10,296 --> 01:28:13,462
- Is everything okay? Did I get
- fired from <i>Comedy Prime?</i>
- 1799
- 01:28:13,464 --> 01:28:14,697
- <i>No, no, no, no.</i>
- 1800
- 01:28:14,699 --> 01:28:16,233
- Hopefully
- everything will be fine.
- 1801
- 01:28:16,235 --> 01:28:17,633
- What do you mean
- "hopefully"?
- 1802
- 01:28:17,635 --> 01:28:20,971
- <i>Well, you're trending now, Nina.
- It's a great thing.</i>
- 1803
- 01:28:20,973 --> 01:28:22,471
- But you need
- a publicist.
- 1804
- 01:28:22,473 --> 01:28:23,706
- Why?
- 1805
- 01:28:23,708 --> 01:28:25,809
- <i>Because now you're
- the comedian who was raped,</i>
- 1806
- 01:28:25,811 --> 01:28:27,410
- <i>and that is not
- gonna go away.</i>
- 1807
- 01:28:27,412 --> 01:28:28,946
- I"ll put you in touch
- with Bunny.
- 1808
- 01:28:28,948 --> 01:28:30,147
- - Bunny?
- - Bunny.
- 1809
- 01:28:30,149 --> 01:28:32,117
- She's the best, and she
- was also a rape victim.
- 1810
- 01:28:32,483 --> 01:28:33,518
- Survivor.
- 1811
- 01:28:34,419 --> 01:28:36,186
- And you shouldn't
- out her, Carrie.
- 1812
- 01:28:36,188 --> 01:28:38,521
- Okay. Well,
- Bunny will call you.
- 1813
- 01:28:38,523 --> 01:28:41,158
- <i>And now I have to
- go handle your career.</i>
- 1814
- 01:28:41,160 --> 01:28:43,394
- Ooh. By the way,
- do you wanna do an <i>SVU?</i>
- 1815
- 01:28:43,628 --> 01:28:44,630
- No.
- 1816
- 01:29:20,933 --> 01:29:22,801
- Say the word and
- I'll kick him out, Nina.
- 1817
- 01:29:24,103 --> 01:29:26,036
- Just... I'm here for you.
- 1818
- 01:29:26,038 --> 01:29:28,605
- Hmm. Yeah. Thank you.
- 1819
- 01:29:28,607 --> 01:29:29,840
- - Okay.
- - It's okay.
- 1820
- 01:29:29,842 --> 01:29:30,743
- Mmm-hmm.
- 1821
- 01:29:47,493 --> 01:29:48,761
- I'm sorry.
- 1822
- 01:29:51,063 --> 01:29:52,464
- I'm sorry I left.
- 1823
- 01:29:57,603 --> 01:29:58,837
- It won't happen anymore.
- 1824
- 01:30:03,475 --> 01:30:05,544
- I believe despite everything,
- 1825
- 01:30:06,578 --> 01:30:08,148
- we're good together.
- 1826
- 01:30:33,772 --> 01:30:35,908
- No, I don't know.
- 1827
- 01:31:26,459 --> 01:31:28,560
- I got you, I got you.
- 1828
- 01:31:29,496 --> 01:31:31,264
- Does the cat
- make you feel better?
- 1829
- 01:31:31,865 --> 01:31:32,799
- Yeah.
- 1830
- 01:31:34,600 --> 01:31:36,134
- I love you.
- 1831
- 01:31:36,136 --> 01:31:37,904
- You know,
- it is really nice here.
- 1832
- 01:31:39,139 --> 01:31:40,304
- It is really nice.
- 1833
- 01:31:40,306 --> 01:31:42,306
- Yeah, it's all right.
- 1834
- 01:31:42,308 --> 01:31:44,944
- So, house cats.
- I thought they'd be bigger.
- 1835
- 01:32:02,729 --> 01:32:03,930
- You're very funny, Nina.
- 1836
- 01:32:05,632 --> 01:32:07,468
- Oh. Hi. Um...
- 1837
- 01:32:09,503 --> 01:32:11,602
- So nice to meet you. Thank so
- much for this opportunity.
- 1838
- 01:32:11,604 --> 01:32:13,004
- We're in here.
- 1839
- 01:32:13,006 --> 01:32:14,007
- Okay.
- 1840
- 01:32:17,777 --> 01:32:20,512
- Now, I usually like to ask
- people I'm interested in hiring
- 1841
- 01:32:20,514 --> 01:32:22,248
- about their childhood.
- 1842
- 01:32:23,417 --> 01:32:26,084
- What did their parents do.
- That type of thing.
- 1843
- 01:32:26,086 --> 01:32:28,322
- Eases most people
- into conversation.
- 1844
- 01:32:29,722 --> 01:32:32,324
- Considering your performance
- on Friday,
- 1845
- 01:32:32,326 --> 01:32:36,328
- that seems
- a bit perfunctory.
- 1846
- 01:32:36,330 --> 01:32:38,566
- I'm happy to tell you
- about my parents, sir.
- 1847
- 01:32:39,199 --> 01:32:40,698
- Oh, call me Larry, please.
- 1848
- 01:32:40,700 --> 01:32:43,134
- I already feel old enough
- as it is.
- 1849
- 01:32:43,136 --> 01:32:44,804
- Larry. Okay.
- 1850
- 01:32:45,705 --> 01:32:47,974
- We're in a funny place
- right now.
- 1851
- 01:32:49,376 --> 01:32:51,310
- People think
- they want reality,
- 1852
- 01:32:51,312 --> 01:32:54,213
- but they really want
- a curated reality.
- 1853
- 01:32:54,215 --> 01:32:56,950
- A bit of performance,
- a bit of hope.
- 1854
- 01:32:59,052 --> 01:33:01,752
- You're a very
- strong performer.
- 1855
- 01:33:01,754 --> 01:33:05,559
- I know you can do wonderful
- things here at Comedy Prime.
- 1856
- 01:33:06,093 --> 01:33:08,828
- But you've also come out
- 1857
- 01:33:10,097 --> 01:33:12,297
- with this very
- powerful voice
- 1858
- 01:33:12,299 --> 01:33:13,631
- against abuse.
- 1859
- 01:33:13,633 --> 01:33:17,035
- And I'm wondering if that's
- all people are gonna see
- 1860
- 01:33:17,037 --> 01:33:18,405
- when they see you.
- 1861
- 01:33:19,440 --> 01:33:20,673
- What do you think?
- 1862
- 01:33:24,512 --> 01:33:28,983
- I think if that information prevents
- people from enjoying me play Taylor Swift,
- 1863
- 01:33:29,782 --> 01:33:31,018
- then that's on them.
- 1864
- 01:33:32,785 --> 01:33:35,154
- I mean, you've had plenty
- of people on your show
- 1865
- 01:33:35,156 --> 01:33:38,357
- that have had drinking problems,
- or drug problems, or...
- 1866
- 01:33:38,359 --> 01:33:40,025
- They probably hit women.
- 1867
- 01:33:40,027 --> 01:33:41,260
- Sure, sure.
- 1868
- 01:33:41,262 --> 01:33:42,628
- But people didn't know
- about it then.
- 1869
- 01:33:42,630 --> 01:33:44,565
- It's a brand new world now.
- 1870
- 01:33:45,399 --> 01:33:46,999
- I feel like
- I'm being blamed.
- 1871
- 01:33:47,001 --> 01:33:48,903
- No. No.
- 1872
- 01:33:50,404 --> 01:33:52,573
- It makes no difference
- to me, you see.
- 1873
- 01:33:55,376 --> 01:33:56,909
- It was an awful thing.
- 1874
- 01:33:56,911 --> 01:33:58,711
- I'm glad you got it
- off your chest.
- 1875
- 01:34:01,681 --> 01:34:04,752
- I, uh, wanted to know
- how you felt about it.
- 1876
- 01:34:06,453 --> 01:34:08,887
- I hire talented performers,
- 1877
- 01:34:08,889 --> 01:34:12,057
- but also people I know
- I'm gonna feel comfortable with
- 1878
- 01:34:12,059 --> 01:34:14,026
- when shit hits the fan.
- 1879
- 01:34:14,028 --> 01:34:15,829
- - Hmm?
- - Right. Yeah.
- 1880
- 01:34:21,168 --> 01:34:22,770
- I gotta think about it, Nina.
- 1881
- 01:34:23,605 --> 01:34:25,472
- Thanks for coming in
- to see me.
- 1882
- 01:34:28,242 --> 01:34:30,643
- - <i>Hello.</i>
- - Hey, did you have your baby yet?
- 1883
- 01:34:30,645 --> 01:34:33,045
- Oh, yes. I had her
- yesterday morning.
- 1884
- 01:34:33,047 --> 01:34:34,213
- She's real cute.
- 1885
- 01:34:34,215 --> 01:34:37,816
- No name yet, but I cannot
- wait to get to know her.
- 1886
- 01:34:37,818 --> 01:34:39,851
- <i>So how was your interview
- with Larry Michaels?</i>
- 1887
- 01:34:39,853 --> 01:34:43,855
- I don't know. It felt like I was
- being interviewed by the patriarchy.
- 1888
- 01:34:43,857 --> 01:34:46,124
- He said he'd have to
- think about it, so...
- 1889
- 01:34:46,126 --> 01:34:47,159
- Not getting it, right?
- 1890
- 01:34:47,161 --> 01:34:49,394
- Ooh. Yeah, that's not good.
- 1891
- 01:34:49,396 --> 01:34:52,032
- You know what? Fuck Larry
- Micheals and his...
- 1892
- 01:34:54,168 --> 01:34:55,437
- Hi.
- 1893
- 01:34:58,473 --> 01:34:59,771
- Where are you
- right now?
- 1894
- 01:34:59,773 --> 01:35:01,576
- Just saying hi
- to a friend.
- 1895
- 01:35:04,245 --> 01:35:05,777
- Listen, can you book me?
- 1896
- 01:35:05,779 --> 01:35:08,749
- Will anybody book me? I need
- to get back on the horse.
- 1897
- 01:35:20,662 --> 01:35:22,129
- - Hey, Nina.
- - Mm-hmm.
- 1898
- 01:35:23,030 --> 01:35:24,566
- You've got two minutes.
- 1899
- 01:35:26,033 --> 01:35:26,900
- Yo.
- 1900
- 01:35:27,469 --> 01:35:28,869
- That viral video...
- 1901
- 01:35:29,837 --> 01:35:31,071
- Shit was dope.
- 1902
- 01:35:32,507 --> 01:35:34,207
- So don't fuck it up tonight.
- 1903
- 01:35:34,209 --> 01:35:36,444
- Thank you.
- Thanks. Thanks.
- 1904
- 01:35:49,491 --> 01:35:50,791
- Where's you, Charlie?
- 1905
- 01:35:53,328 --> 01:35:54,763
- You should have
- taken care of me.
- 1906
- 01:35:57,632 --> 01:35:59,833
- You should have looked out
- for me just a little bit.
- 1907
- 01:36:02,637 --> 01:36:04,572
- I could have been
- a contender.
- 1908
- 01:36:15,750 --> 01:36:17,885
- Who's the boss? Who's the boss?
- Who's the boss?
- 1909
- 01:36:20,922 --> 01:36:22,288
- Who's the boss?
- Who's the boss?
- 1910
- 01:36:35,770 --> 01:36:38,438
- <i>Whoa, Los Angeles.
- Hi. Hi.</i>
- 1911
- 01:36:38,440 --> 01:36:43,309
- <i>Thank you so much for coming to
- see my follow up rape routine.</i>
- 1912
- 01:36:46,616 --> 01:36:51,616
- Subtitles by explosiveskull
Advertisement
Add Comment
Please, Sign In to add comment
Advertisement