The Shire belongs to the Hobbit!

Been thinking about whether it's appropriate to say this or not, for quite some time even, but someone has to.

Why is it always open borders for the Shire, but if you step even one foot in Mordor the horde shoots on sight? Unlike here, one does NOT simply walk into Mordor. It's a no-go zone, I don't care if the crier says those are real or not.

And you want to send our children there? As some misguided educational exchange? Are you MAD? These... people... only understand violence.

Remember when that orc family tried to rape a dragon as part of some rite of passage? They all died, granted, but you expect them to come to the Shire and NOT rape, pillage, and murder? Despite making up 13% of the population, orcs make up 50% of all crime. Goblins make up the other half.

And letting goblins compete in hobbit games? You might as well let a fucking human play... or, hell, a wizard for that matter.

Yeah yeah, muh "big goblin cock" myth. Hobbit women do NOT want to have goblin children. And if we let them in, that's what we'll get. A single drop of orc or goblin blood might as well be full orc or goblin. They'll replace us within a generation! Can you imagine a Shire without hobbits? Mordor used to be NICE. Elves bred with orcs and look what happened. Is that what you want? They left Mordor because they ruined it, and we're going to invite them to do the same here?

It's because of those damned wizards, I tell you. They tell us only the races coming together can defeat Sauron --- but you know what I think? I think Saruman WORKS for Sauron. No it's not another conspiracy theory, a dorf told me... Good old based dorfs.

Look I'm all for multiculturalism... but can we keep it to dwarves, elves, hobbits, and men?

In fact, I'm not even sure about men. Remember when the strength of men failed? I do. And it was an innocent hobbit that paid for it. I don't think anyone has seen Smeagol in decades.

The elves are smarter about this. They learned their lesson and keep out the non-elves, even hiding their kingdom from us! And you know what? They have the highest life expectancy! What does THAT tell you?

And what's with this crude "orkspeek"? It doesn't even sound like a real language. Now elvish, that's a language. Such subtlety. Such finesse. Such passion.

Orkspeek? "YO HOBBID, WAN SOM PIPEWEED? SHEEEET ORK KNOW HOBBID HAZ GULD. GIBS ME DAT YA LIL HAIRFOOT SNACKA. OOGA BOOGA HOBBID WENCHEZ LOVE MUH DIK"

Despicable, really. And last time I bought, it wasn't even real pipeweed! I gave up my best cap for that sack of pipeweed, and the orc had the gall to wear it backwards!

Only thing I despise more than orkspeek is trollburning... Fucking race traitors...

What do you mean I'm a hypocrite for dating an elf? Hobbit-elf children (hobas, or hobbes) are BEAUTIFUL. Horks and hoglins don't even look like hobbits...

FUCKING
ORCS
GET OUT
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE